Good Morning IW
You stated very well the next stage you are entering - the shift of focus from looking back to looking now and forward. If you notice itís a shift of your focus; not an absolute band on reflecting. A healthy shift, a needed shift, and an explanation for some of that feeling of being overwhelmed.
Letting go of our clinging to our past, takes time and a willingness to accomplish. You are walking the path. Well done!
This is making peace with our past events, not ignoring them. We focus upon the present and future, while accepting that which has brought us to this place and time.
It was wonderful to read your determined approach to not rehash. It is very encouraging and a good sign when one feels, thinks, and believes, that rehashing is just confusing their path. To me, that is when one is near the shoreline of the muck and bog theyíve been slogging their way through.
To be clear, it takes a certain amount of rehashing, reliving, and such, to find our peace and acceptance, to find our way to let go and continue to move forward. We all need to slog through the swamp for a while, as we all have things we need to learn. Your path is normal and healthy.
I am currently working on forgiving myself and WAW - internally. I do not want to be angry or resentful for the rest of my life. There are many wonderful things about life, and I am working on focusing on those and PMA.
That is an excellent heading and goal. This is very much for you. And you are worth all the effort is takes for you to find forgiveness - both for her and yourself. (((Hug)))
Unfortunately, as Iíve mused about often, society doesnít lean towards forgiveness. News, social media, commercials, politics, laws, everyday interactions all have a judgemental slant. Of course society requires laws and rules and the ability to judge and settle disputes. However, by and large, our default views from almost all angles feds our egos and our need to be right. Itís everywhere, from the games we play on our phone to the news broadcast we listen to on our way to work. We get used to it, and our ego get an appetite that can become voracious.
Sadly, we are taught and believe forgiveness to be rare and hard, or almost impossible to come be. Please listen and realize your views regarding forgiving - change this belief within yourself. Make forgiveness possible. See and imagine how it can happen for you. It is the first and needed step in its creation.
Forgiveness is completely within you to find. There is nothing required from W for you to forgive her. And like most of our path - we are that which is in our way. We block our progress and our finding of forgiveness. Our egos block it.
I do not want to be angry or resentful for the rest of my life.
Do you realize just how much people actually do (unwittingly) want to be angry and resentful? How much we are programmed to believe that way? How most people define their life by their ďstrongĒ feelings. Anger, vengeance, grudges and so on feel ďstrongĒ. They have a powerful force about them. However, that is a lie. Their strength requires constant reinforcement, after all those are feelings.
True strength - love, peace, joy, happiness, and yes forgiveness do not have that feeling of power. They are power. One does not just feel, one lives them. Those tenets become self-asserting and self-reinforcing. It is akin to faith. Live in the light.
Forgiveness is freeing. Itís so amazing once you see it, and find your way.
And in my humble opinion, you are doing very well.