Anger out of frustration. You're right. It did read as very dark. Yes I am still strongly attached to her, life with her.
My BiL let me in this afternoon. The house had a showing about a hour before I was there. So not sure the ladies golf clubs are hers or for staging. I had a set of clubs. Sold them. So yes, frustrating. Not very detached either.
I get parts to rework because of a number of things. New parts with tolerances an old worn out lathe really doesn't hold. An EE who is manager and does little to team build.
New mattress arrives Saturday. So I should be sleeping in the apartment that night.
Very little of this is what I want or expected.
Not sure if this is a chin up or tuck in and raise my fists for the next round. Keep the bob and weave going. Out of the corner of my eye I can see that towel raised.
How's that metaphor?
Maybe I should try my hand at writing.
It's actually a pretty good one.
When I hit my "giving up" point, I used an image of a soldier who had done his best, fought the good fight but lost anyway. It happens. There are stories of Japanese soldiers who held out for years on remote islands refusing to believe that the fight was done. But the end result was still the same.
Story time. When my son moved home a few years ago when college didn't work out for him, he eventually got a job working with a construction company. He'd get a few hours here and there, never enough to support him and he never knew from one day to another if he would be working the next day. His boss was a jerk, always telling him he was an idiot and yelling at him. But it was a job. A fairly decent one even if it was fairly crappy work usually hand-digging with a shovel in tight quarters. It wasn't a job that he could build a life with - but it was a job. So he kept at it. Eventually he had enough and quit. He didn't tell me for nearly a week being afraid of what I would say. I told him it was the right choice as that job trapped him in a life that wasn't sustainable. Enough hours and unpredictable so that he couldn't get a second job. A work environment that left him feeling angry and beaten down.
A while later he applied for and got another job. Warehouse work. Decent pay, steady hours, a crew of good guys to work with plus a random selection of idiots who never stayed long. He saved up, got his own place and has been doing quite well. A life he never would have had if he'd hung on to the old job.
We're often told by well meaning people that there's something better waiting for us beyond the pain. For many people this is true. I'd like to believe for most people in fact. You'll never know until you let go of that anchor holding you back though.