Thanks everyone! My stresses are down so much now. I am happy with where I am at and in control of my own life.
I can't tell you how encouraging it is to hear your update. Congratulations on getting through that h3ll.
I hope others here recognize that yours is a success story. Because you didn't let your personal happiness hinge on the outcome of your MR.
You know for a long time I did let my happiness hinge on my marriage. It was all I had. I didn't have much else other than work...and that isn't a healthy lifestyle. I felt like such a failure; I didn't want to tell anyone, I wanted to hide in my bed all day, and most of all I just wanted to fix it. It took me a good while to come to the realization that I couldn't fix it. I am soooooo good at fixing things...but a marriage isn't a 'thing' I could fix...because I didn't break it.
I certainly contributed to the breakdown...I was an awful communicator and I never asked for what I wanted. I failed to live in the moment; instead always focused on the future or the past and trying to prevent future failures of anything and everything. So many things I have taken from the experience and the loss that I will apply going forward. Most importantly I am starting to repair friendships that disappeared over the years; that has been really good for me to know that those folks aren't judging me and are happy to know that I am ok.
LB - all of what you wrote above resonates very strongly.
I have only recently discovered that happiness is not "out there". It is not in projects, people, relationships, trips, houses, cars, possessions, what you think you should have, etc.
It is also not a final destination, it is a journey.
We don't "deserve" anything in life. We have to work for it. Including finding what makes ourselves content in life.
Happiness lies within. The irony is - finding what happiness is, or what your purpose is in life, is the point of life.