Hi everyone, my wife and I have been working through some issues that have probably been lingering far too long. Taking a growth mindset approach, we'd like to learn more about how to have a health marriage. Two part question:
1. Where do you go to find good blogs, books, online courses, workshops etc to help grow your marriage?
2. How do you pick the right ones to help with the core challenges?
Thanks in advance,
Welcome to the board
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
Yes first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm and Michele's articles
http://www.divorcebusting.com/articles.htmYou may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553072#Post2553072Going Dark
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457566#Post2457566Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554#Post2545554Resource thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...ain=57819&Number=2578224#Post2578224Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
Hi everyone, my wife and I have been working through some issues that have probably been lingering far too long. Taking a growth mindset approach, we'd like to learn more about how to have a health marriage. Two part question:
1. Where do you go to find good blogs, books, online courses, workshops etc to help grow your marriage?
2. How do you pick the right ones to help with the core challenges?
Thanks in advance,
Hi Paul, it sounds like you're both actively working on the M? That's good, most people who come here are dealing with a spouse that is done and wants out. I would recommend you read Divorce Remedy or Divorce Busting. Also The 5 Love Languages is a great read. Check into Retrouvaille in your area, it is perfect for couples that are struggling but both interested in working on the M. Good luck!
EDIT- and read all of Cadet's links
AS is right on. Your sitch is unique as he points out because it sounds like your W is all in? Is that right? If so a good, pro-marriage MC may pay dividends as well. I'd also look at the books by David Schnarch. MWD herself has referenced him before. He writes a lot about couples recapturing intimacy and passion, and shares techniques to do that. His writing style is very in your face, the language is a bit crude at times, but I am sure I am on the far end of the people that would get offended by that kind of thing, most will be fine with it.
I would go to the book store every week or two and just browse the self help sections. I would buy 2 or 3 that peaked my interests.
I found these books helpful:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2061094#Post2061094I attended the PSI Basic Seminar years ago and gained many good relationship skills.
I don't believe there is a "right one". Just start digging through all the info and gather skills that work for you. What works for me may not work for you. But it might. I believe you both should focus on listening skills and selfless giving. Understand the other persons needs, then give them what they need.
Go out and do things together. I do things with my lady that I don't enjoy, but I enjoy being with her and enjoy watching her do her thing. She will go fishing with me just to watch me enjoy doing it.
Best Regards,
R2C
DataPaul,
Are you aware that you can blog here and get valuable/sage advice from the posters? Also, you inquired about books, online courses, etc. You can actually schedule appointments with Michele's coaches that are on staff. If you go to the home page, you will discover that there is a store whereby you can view the different books, tapes, cds, etc. that Michele has that will assist you.
Unfortunately, as part of our agreement to come here and be members, we aren't allowed to post references to other sites, links, blogs, etc., unless they are related to this site or mentioned by Michele. After all, this Board is free and tied to Michele's Divorce Busting business.
If you aren't interested in what is offered here, then I would suggest you do some googling and searching that way.
However, if you opt to stay, you are more than welcome to post as much as you like and we have many, many posters who are always willing to listen, validate and assist however they can.