Trying to save my marriage - 10/10/19 03:36 PM
So where to begin. My wife and I met in November of 2011. Coming into this relationship she had two kids from previous relationships (a daughter from an ex-husband and a son from an ex-boyfriend). We fell pretty hard for each other pretty fast. We actually met on an online dating site, went on our first date in November and we’re officially a couple right before Christmas of that same year. Things were great for the first year. Had normal small arguments that a lot of couples have, but nothing that ever seemed like it would cause us to go our separate ways. That was until I showed my temper/anger in October of 2012. We almost broke up but were able to work through things. It took her quite awhile to come around but she did by February 2013. By June of 2013 we were engaged. August of 2014 we married. The long engagement was due to us having to pay for our own wedding so we had to save up to afford it.
Moving along, we seemed like everything was okay. Been through a lot of trials and tribulations throughout our time together. I lost my job in November of 2015 which was very stressful but we persevered. Lost my Mom on Mother’s Day of 2017. Throughout 2017 we could both tell that something was amiss, but we were trying to work through things. Then in November of 2017 I came home from work and her Dad was at our house. I walked in, she was on the back porch. I walked out and she told me she was done. I begged and pleaded to give me another chance. She did. Things went well for about a year or so, but there was still tension. I’ve tried working on my temper but would still occasionally blow up at her or the kids over trivial stuff that shouldn’t have set me off but did.
Fast forward some more. I lost my Father in September of 2018, one of my best friends to suicide in February of 2019, our house flooded (busted pipe in wall) March of 2019, car flooded due to a freak storm while on Vacation in New Orleans in July 2019. A lot of bad luck to say the least. So a lot of stress that has been eating away at me. On September 16th of this year my wife and I couldn’t agree on some pretty major renovations to the house while it’s being repaired (we are in a rental while ours is being redone). I blow up at her again. Go to bed angry without talking. Next day comes around, she tells me she’s done. I want another chance. This time I’m doing wholesale changes to correct these issues so that they don’t arise again. I’m seeing a counselor on a bi-weekly basis to work through things. As is she. We are seeing a marital counselor (both agreed upon) starting next month. We still live together, we still sleep in the same bed, but there’s no physical contact. She doesn’t want that. I do, but I’m trying to respect her boundaries. I’m trying to give her that time and space. She stated last night that she had been messaging another man who was showing her attention, but she put a stop to it, which gives me hope that things are going to work out. I’m just wondering what people’s opinions are? Can we make this work? At first I was writing her love notes every day, but my counselor just told me about the last resort technique last night, and I figured what the heck, it’s worth a shot. Anything to save this. I don’t want to lose her or the kids. I consider them mine even though they aren’t blood because they spend a lot of time under our roof. I do love my wife with all of my heart, have always been faithful to her and don’t want to give up on this. She tells me that she’s emotionally numb, that she loves me as a person but isn’t in love with me right now. As much as that hurts, I’m dealing with the pain, trying to improve as a husband and father and being the man that her and her kids deserve. Not the emotionally or verbally abusive man I’ve been in the past. Do you think we can make it? I am not going to give up. I think she wants to save this marriage too, at least to give it one last shot.
Moving along, we seemed like everything was okay. Been through a lot of trials and tribulations throughout our time together. I lost my job in November of 2015 which was very stressful but we persevered. Lost my Mom on Mother’s Day of 2017. Throughout 2017 we could both tell that something was amiss, but we were trying to work through things. Then in November of 2017 I came home from work and her Dad was at our house. I walked in, she was on the back porch. I walked out and she told me she was done. I begged and pleaded to give me another chance. She did. Things went well for about a year or so, but there was still tension. I’ve tried working on my temper but would still occasionally blow up at her or the kids over trivial stuff that shouldn’t have set me off but did.
Fast forward some more. I lost my Father in September of 2018, one of my best friends to suicide in February of 2019, our house flooded (busted pipe in wall) March of 2019, car flooded due to a freak storm while on Vacation in New Orleans in July 2019. A lot of bad luck to say the least. So a lot of stress that has been eating away at me. On September 16th of this year my wife and I couldn’t agree on some pretty major renovations to the house while it’s being repaired (we are in a rental while ours is being redone). I blow up at her again. Go to bed angry without talking. Next day comes around, she tells me she’s done. I want another chance. This time I’m doing wholesale changes to correct these issues so that they don’t arise again. I’m seeing a counselor on a bi-weekly basis to work through things. As is she. We are seeing a marital counselor (both agreed upon) starting next month. We still live together, we still sleep in the same bed, but there’s no physical contact. She doesn’t want that. I do, but I’m trying to respect her boundaries. I’m trying to give her that time and space. She stated last night that she had been messaging another man who was showing her attention, but she put a stop to it, which gives me hope that things are going to work out. I’m just wondering what people’s opinions are? Can we make this work? At first I was writing her love notes every day, but my counselor just told me about the last resort technique last night, and I figured what the heck, it’s worth a shot. Anything to save this. I don’t want to lose her or the kids. I consider them mine even though they aren’t blood because they spend a lot of time under our roof. I do love my wife with all of my heart, have always been faithful to her and don’t want to give up on this. She tells me that she’s emotionally numb, that she loves me as a person but isn’t in love with me right now. As much as that hurts, I’m dealing with the pain, trying to improve as a husband and father and being the man that her and her kids deserve. Not the emotionally or verbally abusive man I’ve been in the past. Do you think we can make it? I am not going to give up. I think she wants to save this marriage too, at least to give it one last shot.