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Posted By: petri Moving on #3 - 04/25/19 05:03 AM
Old thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2843621&page=1
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 04/25/19 05:12 AM
Lots of things happening at once. The new R I had. It ended. As it appeas she has commitment issues. It's funny 'cause we both felt good about things not being too serious. But she felt it was wrong for both of us. Things went from this so good that there is no pressure to breakup in three hours. Apparrently her feelings towards me got a little too deep and she got scared. At least that's what she told me. I kindly thanked her for the time we had.

Next week I'm moving to my new home. That is something I've waited for sooooo long. Despite the breakup I'm happy right now.

Onwards and upwards!
Posted By: neffer Re: Moving on #3 - 04/25/19 11:18 AM
Once a DB Buster, always a DB Buster P: time and patience applies to yourself too.

Great news about the house. Good!

How are the children doing? Howīs GAL and the incoming summer?
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 04/25/19 12:33 PM
Kids are doing fine. Maybe some insecurity in the air now that the moving is happening. I've been a bit off other GAL since I had the R but now I need to go back to my activities. No plnas for the summer yet. I'm mostly focusing on the apartment and maybe some renovation there.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 04/25/19 09:02 PM
Wow. I got a nice set of texts from XW. It all started when she texted me that D8 could go her parents cottage in the summer with D8s cousin for a week. A week which is my week with the kids. I replied that I would talk to D8 about it. Right after I had a talk with D8, XW texts me about me being so emotional about it. I replied that don't I have a right to talkto D8 about this. She then replied Of course, I just get a feeling that you don't f-ing trust anything I f-ing say. It p**ses me off. When did you f-ing become like this? Which I replied that I wanted to make sure that D8 understands that if she decides to go, it neans that we wouldn't be seei g for three weeks. That's all.
And then h*** broke loose. She started ranting about how she is afraid of me, I've become cold, how I use kids to hurt her. That point I reminded her that she threatened to take the kids away from me and she threatened to abandon our kids.
Well apparently she didn't threaten anything. I made her do it by not splitting the kids custody.

Is this just reaction to the D finally becoming to an absolute end or is this still your basic WW. Or are they the same?
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 05/01/19 09:35 AM
Moving going on. Tired as h***. It's all worth it in the end. The kids seem to like my apartment. They've been thinking about decorations and interior. This is their first time that they are included in all of interior designing. Can't wait to start doing some renovation. And we seem to be in ok terms with XW so it helps alot.

One thing I'm wondering. How come the shorter R seems to be even tougher to handle than M? Why it hurts more? Any thoughts?
Posted By: SteveLW Re: Moving on #3 - 05/01/19 01:23 PM
petri, I hear you. Moved last summer. Did a bunch of smaller loads leading up to the big move. Had plenty of help for the big move, but then still had some smaller moves. The next day I couldn't get out of bed. And then had to start preparing the old place to sell. It is exhausting!!

My guess is it is similar to reinjuring an old injury. If you get hurt, let it heal, and then reinjure it later, the reinjury can be more painful than the original. I think of when I had a hernia repair. I could just imagine ripping my stitches by not following the restriction. I believe that would have hurt worst than the original hernia and surgery.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 05/01/19 01:58 PM
Steve. I had a karate camp on weekend, both days. Started moving on monday. Repaired the roof from old house on tuesday and continued moving. Today moving again. Hopefully I'll get the last stuff in today.

Guess you are right about that. It's funny though. We both agreed to not take this too serious and let things evolve in their own time. Well things did move and she got scared. Apparrently she has a fear of commitment and she felt like this is the moment when she has to commit. We had been talking a couple of hours earlier about how good things are and there is no pressure from either side. And all of a sudden *poof* we broke up.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 07/28/19 03:44 PM
Hey all! It's been a while. Things are going pretty ok. Despite XW asking me to join her and the kids at her parents cottage and a waterpark nearby. I declined and told her that family trips went to history via D. She said that she asked b/c of guilt and missing us. And later on went on the same how I didn't fight for her and how I didn't love her...when will WWs stop this?
Posted By: Btrow Re: Moving on #3 - 07/28/19 07:51 PM
Hey Petri.

That is a difficult question to answer as we don't see a lot of WWs who continue doing it. Mine for instance, has never ever not once asked to do a family trip or anything like that (or shown guilt for that matter), so yours is a bit out of the ordinary. My best guess is that you somehow allow her to continue. Is she still with the original AP, by the way?

I just noticed your question on why the break ups of shorter Rs after D hurts more, a couple of posts back. I stumbled upon an explanation for that recently (as I have been going through something similar). I'll see if I can find it again.
Posted By: Btrow Re: Moving on #3 - 07/28/19 07:59 PM
Yup, found It. Try googling "Why post-divorce rebound relationships hurt so damn bad"
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 07/28/19 09:00 PM
Thanks BT. I'll check that out.
XW is with the original AP. They've broken up twice but keep getting back together. Amd the invitation to the cottage came out of the blue. I had to read it a couple of times and check if XW really sent it.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 07/29/19 12:19 PM
Apparrently XW managed to rip some of the old wounds open. Darn it.
Posted By: SteveLW Re: Moving on #3 - 07/29/19 12:30 PM
petri, talk to us.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 07/29/19 12:44 PM
Steve. It's just the family thing. Her inviting me to a familytrip. A painful reminder of what was and what is gone. I was doing quite fine when there was no communication unless it was about the kids. And her telling me that she did this out of guilt and missing us. It all threw me back a year and a half. Straight to the beginning. Why did she have to ask me? She is in a new relationship why not him?
Posted By: neffer Re: Moving on #3 - 07/29/19 12:56 PM
Dark side mist has that P. But sheīs still into that mist. Whatever your expectations (you have them, itīs ok) just keep DB. She has to work on herself. She hasnīt done that. So thereīs all that pull-push inertia...not your monkeys P.

Keep focusing on yourself. Keep the GAL. Keep being the lighthouse for the kids. Itīs all about yourself now. You wait for no one.

Stay strong P
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 07/29/19 01:05 PM
Neff. I do have expectations. I expect to be done with this D and have my own life back on track. And I do expect her to stop accusing me for everything. Those are my prime expectations. On the GAL side of things...I've been slipping on that one quite lot lately. Need to make new plans and get a larger social circle.
But good news! An old friend got in touch. He had a dream about me and decided to call. We used to be tight but time separated us. Agreed to make time this week to sit down and catch up.
Posted By: NicoleR Re: Moving on #3 - 07/29/19 03:04 PM
Hi Petri,

Good to hear your update! Seems your ex-wife hasn't been thinking with a straight mind ever since she left. Sounds like she wants to have everything her way - the freedom to be single and be with her affair partner but the option of having family gatherings with you when it suits her. I haven't seen many instances where you've written here about her sympathy for you, or her concern for how you must be feeling. A good person would take into account how all of this impacts you, and would care about what's comfortable for you, rather than just asking and then blaming when you say no. I hope you can find a woman who cares about your feelings and who treats you with the utmost respect!
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 07/29/19 03:16 PM
Hi Nicole! I hope things are alright with you!

You actually have a very good point. She hasn't taken in regard of how I feel about things. She just pops these out like nothing ever happened. If this wasn't happenung to me, I propably wouldn't believe it...
Posted By: AnotherStander Re: Moving on #3 - 07/29/19 05:11 PM
Originally Posted by petri
Despite XW asking me to join her and the kids at her parents cottage and a waterpark nearby. I declined and told her that family trips went to history via D. She said that she asked b/c of guilt and missing us. And later on went on the same how I didn't fight for her and how I didn't love her...when will WWs stop this?


It may never stop, my XW still does stuff like this on and off and we've been D'd for years. Sometimes I accept the invitations and sometimes I don't. I don't know what her motivations are and to be honest I don't care, when I do go it's to spend more time with the kids. You're maybe not 100% detached yet but you'll get there. When you do this kind of stuff won't bother you at all.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 07/29/19 06:19 PM
Thanks AS. I think it hit so hard b/c this hasn't happened before. But I think you are right about me not being 100% detached yet but I'm getting there.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 07/31/19 10:40 AM
I had my IC today. We talked about love languages and how it is a life's tragedy that two people love each other and still don't feel loved. Makes you wonder how many Ds would be prevented if we had only one love language?
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/08/19 08:48 AM
Last night I received a message from XW. She was asking if I would inject a vaccine to her and since I'm a nurse a can do that. But do I give her a plain no answer or a bit longer one. I don't want to do any favours for her. I think that's something friends do to each other and I don't consider her as my friend anymore. Any thoughts?
Posted By: AnotherStander Re: Moving on #3 - 08/08/19 12:41 PM
Originally Posted by petri
Last night I received a message from XW. She was asking if I would inject a vaccine to her and since I'm a nurse a can do that. But do I give her a plain no answer or a bit longer one. I don't want to do any favours for her. I think that's something friends do to each other and I don't consider her as my friend anymore. Any thoughts?


It's your choice, if you don't feel comfortable with it then tell her that. I still do a lot for my XW and she does a lot for me as well, so in my case I wouldn't think twice about helping her with an injection.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/08/19 01:13 PM
Here's what I replied after she texted "you're not doing it?" just now. "No. It's not really my job anymore. The thought of it doesn't feel ok right now."
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/08/19 01:59 PM
AS pointed out a couple of replies back that I'm not detached 100%. Doing things for her would just make that harder. So that's also a reason why I responded the way I did.
Posted By: SteveLW Re: Moving on #3 - 08/08/19 02:04 PM
petri....I think you missed an opportunity. I think a lot of LBSs would jump at a chance to jab their X with a needle! smile
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/08/19 02:15 PM
Well there is that point of view. Maybe I need to reconsider my stand here... wink
Posted By: AnotherStander Re: Moving on #3 - 08/08/19 02:25 PM
Originally Posted by petri
AS pointed out a couple of replies back that I'm not detached 100%. Doing things for her would just make that harder. So that's also a reason why I responded the way I did.


And that's perfectly fine, you're not married to her anymore, if you choose not to help her with that then there is nothing wrong with that.

Originally Posted by Steve85
petri....I think you missed an opportunity. I think a lot of LBSs would jump at a chance to jab their X with a needle! smile


Hahaha!
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/11/19 05:48 AM
Last night XW texted me. She apologized and said I was right about her all along. She said that she divorced me out of a identity crisis and she now sees it. She said that she understands that people divorce if there is no more love but to walkaway from the person you love the most is killing her. She said that she has been thinking about things since her dad had a heartattack. And she was thinking if something happened to me and she couldn't take it. And if she was dying the only person she would want there would be me. She also told me that she has been having suicidal thoughts. And that she has been letting people do things to her that she didn't deserve.

I'm not quite sure what to make of this. She hasn't admitted anything to be at all her "fault". I really don't know how to play this. I'm not sure I know what I want.
Posted By: joejoe1 Re: Moving on #3 - 08/11/19 06:01 AM
Petri,

Wow, that's a hard spot to be in brother. I think, her telling you she is suicidal, is if huge concern. I would reach out to make sure she is ok.

DBing is way less important than, seeing if she needing to get help.

It looks like that fantasy is crashing, and reality is hitting like a ton of bricks. Looking back on all the damage WS cause is probably as hard as a LBS being hit with BD.

Keep posting.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/11/19 06:11 AM
At first I was thinking that this was her some sort of stunt. But when she brought up an abortion we had years ago I knew this is real. She hasn't mentioned it once after it was done. And when she talked about suicide. I have never heard anything like that from her. And she talked about the other man she has been with. He's been constantly abusing her verbally. I told her that I do have concerns about her wellbeing. We'll see how thing evolve from here.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/11/19 11:44 AM
Today she had a totally different tone. There has been no verbal abuse. Just misundertandings. She is just in a vulnerable mindset now. She just needs time to process the D and she can move on with the new man. I'm not sure what to do right now. My concern are our kids. She has death wishes, in her relationship the word w*ore has become familiar, she doesn't know what is ok and what is not...
Posted By: Btrow Re: Moving on #3 - 08/11/19 02:22 PM
Petri, have you ever really TALKED to XW since D or is all communicaton through texts? And one more thing based on the weird way she acts, could she have an alcohol or substance problem?
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/11/19 02:29 PM
I've tried to talk. She hasn't wanted to, no need to. And yes. She uses alcohol as a way to escape these emotions.
Posted By: SteveLW Re: Moving on #3 - 08/12/19 12:27 PM
Yeah, don't talk to her. She has her own issues to work through. Keep doing you Petri!
Posted By: AnotherStander Re: Moving on #3 - 08/12/19 03:18 PM
Petri, wow this is a tough situation. First of all you were right to play it cool when your XW expressed regrets about the D. You certainly don't want to roll out the red carpet at the first sign of regret. Second, there's not a lot you can do for your XW because she doesn't want your help. If the suicide threats continue then I would first contact your L to work on a strategy to get full custody of the kids, and second (if your L approves) contact a suicide hotline for advice. You can't personally help her but maybe you can be the means to her getting help.

We did have a person that posted here years ago, he and his XW got divorced and he didn't talk to her much but said whenever he did that she was off the rails. Then one day he popped in to say she had committed suicide and that was the last he posted here. Ever since then I take it very seriously whenever someone says their WAS has mentioned suicide. It's not always an empty threat or cry for attention, sometimes they have fallen into deep depression.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/12/19 05:55 PM
I don't think that she would do it. I do think that she has hit a rock bottom. The R she is having isn't the dream she was

having. She told me that the man hasn't seen our kids much b/c she doesn't want to involve him in their lives b/c she has

a gut feeling that the R is coming to an end. And the realization that our R actually wasn't that bad and that she D'd out of

her own identity crisis leaving our family broken. I don't want to feel what she is feeling. I think that a BD is nothing

compared to that. What it comes to helping her...I said that the only thing I can do for you is hope that you seek help for

yourself b/c you need it right now. She agreed.

One thing bothers me(I know it shouldn't). She said that she's let things be done to her, calling names/insults quite often.

I then mentioned that "as the father of our kids, if I am aware that you are in a relationship where there is emotional

violence, I am obligated to brimg this information to child services". She then said that there is nothing like that, you don't

know what you're talking about. We've just had a rough time a bit longer. Here's what bothers me: if I frequently call my

spouse a w*ore, idiot, stupid b*tch, tell her to go f*** herself etc., isn't that emotional violence? Have I misunderstood

something?
Posted By: SteveLW Re: Moving on #3 - 08/12/19 06:04 PM
I am not sure about your term "emotional violence".

Is it verbally abusive? Yes.

Emotional violence might be a bit of an exaggeration. I am sure she is getting as good as she gets, too.

Personally, I think verbal abuse gets way over blown these days. I could see if there was a threat of physical violence that there would be a concern. But then I am rather old school in my "sticks and stones" mindset.
Posted By: joejoe1 Re: Moving on #3 - 08/12/19 06:35 PM
Petri,

Being in the military, I don't know how many times I heard a family member or friend say this statement before a person has taken their own life, "I don't think that she (or he) would do it.". I wouldn't diminish the seriousness of the situations because of how you feel.

You don't know how deep a person think they have gotten themselves in their own head.

I wouldn't of told a person that think they are telling you they are thinking about hurting themselves, you are obligated to take their kids. I would fall back on discussing her relationship or ya'll relationship for a while. Just my opinion.

Joe
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/12/19 08:02 PM
First and most important thing. She hasn't threatened to kill herself. She talked about suicide and that she was scared that she had these thoughts.

Second thing. If there is any form of violence and a child is involved as a victim or a witness one is obligated by law to pass this information to proper authority.

I am not diminishing the seriousness of what is going on in her end. I was in contact with her about this and she convinced me that I do not need to worry. Her best friend is aware of these thoughts and is her best support now.
Posted By: SteveLW Re: Moving on #3 - 08/13/19 12:56 PM
Originally Posted by petri

Second thing. If there is any form of violence and a child is involved as a victim or a witness one is obligated by law to pass this information to proper authority.


Yep, agree 100%. However, I've often seen LBSs that run to the authorities every time their kid says "Mommy and new guy had an argument!" Petri, make sure your motivations are pure. Make sure your kids nor yourself are over blowing things (and yes what you described sounds like pretty common argument stuff).

Too put everything in perspective, I'd be more concerned with your W's suicidal tendencies than something new guy said to her in front of the kids.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/13/19 03:00 PM
I haven't made any moves. And if I hear from my kids about anything like this I will talk to XW about it.

But I disagree on your point that being called names is common. Not when it's to the point that it's constant. I've seen the results of that. My mom for one.

And the fact that XW is having thoughts that everyone would be better off if she didn't exist anymore combined with insults from new man is not a good combo. So in a bigger picture what is causing what?
Posted By: SteveLW Re: Moving on #3 - 08/13/19 03:01 PM
Just check your motivations......
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/13/19 04:04 PM
My motivation is to make sure my kids are safe. I've seen this and worse as a kid. I do not want them to go through what I've seen.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/25/19 08:13 AM
Here's what has happened in the last two weeks. XW went to therapy and we discussed about going together there the first time. I did go without expectations(to my big surprise). I don't know if that was a bad thing or not. However something new came to surface that I did not know about. She said that a lot of our R problems came from her. She had realized that an older R before me is still affecting her in other Rs. She was dumped coldly, as she put it(I somewhat know what that feels like). She will continue in IC as will I. We have both have same therapist, that being either good or bad. We both were given the same "homework", to figure out what is our objective. I have to admit that I was pretty sure what I wanted but now I have no idea.

The biggest thing in these two weeks is thatno matter what the outcome, I wish is for her to get her head straight and her life in order.
Posted By: Btrow Re: Moving on #3 - 08/26/19 08:56 PM
Hey Petri

That is certainly interesting. It is obvoius that you don't know what your objective is. Do you have any clue what hers is? And what were her reasons for asking you to join her in therapy?
Posted By: neffer Re: Moving on #3 - 08/26/19 09:10 PM
Just keep your light shining P. Wear sun glasses everybody! ;-)
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/26/19 10:39 PM
Btrow. I have no clue what so ever what her objective is, she said that it's really hard to determune that at this point as her head is in a fog. To answer the reason part: I had an appointment with my therapist and I told her she could use it if it's ok with the therapist. That way she got help faster. If she had gone the normal route it would of taken weeks. Now she got to "cut the line". We then discussed about it and made a mutual agreement to go together. So it was more of a mutual decision instead of her asking me. I said at the very beginning that my role here is just to make this therapy a possibility to her, that's it. But when we later talked she said that there are a lot of things tjat need to be addressed. For the first time she said that her anger and resentment towards me is pretty much gone. Some old things still bother her.

I have to say that my head is filled with thoughts. Trying to grasp something where I could start bondenring all of this. It's been a weird trip so far and it seems get weirder. But still doing my thing and keeping it as strong as I can.

Neff. It's starting to get dark here in the North, winter is coming and all of that, so we need the light. Just let it shine!
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/27/19 09:56 AM
I logged in to FB today. There was a weird notification. My XW had marked me as her husband. A little slip here and there. We all make those...
Posted By: neffer Re: Moving on #3 - 08/27/19 12:41 PM
DB rules in effect P! Just remember that.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/27/19 12:53 PM
Neff. Not changing my thing. Very tempted to text with a screenshot: "Feeling nostalgic, are we?" But no. But she had removed it right away. So could it been a accident? Yes. But you do have to click several times to make that accident. Keeping it cool
Posted By: SteveLW Re: Moving on #3 - 08/27/19 12:56 PM
Petri, one thing I like to point out, especially to LBHs that end up D'd, is that piecing is no cake walk. My sitches, both in 2005 and 2017, were difficult. But they paled in comparison to the piecing that took place following. So you need to ask yourself: are you up for it? And more importantly, is your EXW up for it? I have to believe that the worst thing possible is to start getting back together only to have her flake out again.
Posted By: neffer Re: Moving on #3 - 08/27/19 01:03 PM
Just donīt feed her monkeys. Let time filter the feelings. The WWs are nuts for a long time. We need to face our actions, itīs a long bumping journey...

We know you have hope. Itīs OK to have it. But manage expectations. You are an old DB wolf by now. You perfectly know that.

So keep shining there P! As usual!
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/27/19 01:06 PM
Steve. I've been reading on your sitch. We were giving the "homework" about objective which we will work towards. Reading about piecing is the reason why I'm struggling with the decision. I'm not 100% sure myself if I even want this. I'm now going through something new. I've come to terms that we arenot a married couple anymore. All of this now blindsided me. I wasn't expecting anything like this to happen. I was quite fine with the fact that I'm divorced. I still am. And what it comes to XW...she needs to go through the R she has been in now, our M and the R before me. It's a rocky road...
Posted By: neffer Re: Moving on #3 - 08/27/19 01:09 PM
And you are not near piecing P. Keep your eyes on the road.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/27/19 01:10 PM
Neff. Point exactly.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/28/19 09:54 AM
I couldn't fight the temptation to ask about the FB thing. I did it with a lots of humor. Here's the answer: "Ah. I tried to modify it and it didn't work so I didn't bother to continue."
Posted By: AnotherStander Re: Moving on #3 - 08/28/19 03:16 PM
Originally Posted by petri
I couldn't fight the temptation to ask about the FB thing. I did it with a lots of humor.


THAT IS 100% PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE. You've got to work on that NG stuff. If you're going to confront her about something like that then don't hide behind humor and sarcasm, just ask. But the alpha thing to do would be not to ask, because you don't give a s***.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/28/19 03:38 PM
AS. 2x4 taken. Sarcasm was not included just humor. This is what I wrote: I may have been a little distracted lately but when did we remarry? No passive/aggressive intended. And NG means what exactly? Still not familiar with all those letters...
Posted By: AnotherStander Re: Moving on #3 - 08/28/19 03:52 PM
Originally Posted by petri
AS. 2x4 taken. Sarcasm was not included just humor. This is what I wrote: I may have been a little distracted lately but when did we remarry?


You seriously don't see the sarcasm in that? "When did we remarry?" That is exactly what sarcasm is!

Quote
No passive/aggressive intended. And NG means what exactly?


NG = "nice guy" or "nice guy syndrome" as described in the book No More Mister Nice Guy. Part of NGS is making passive/aggressive comments without thinking they are passive/aggressive. It is being passive/aggressive without intending it or realizing it.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/28/19 04:21 PM
Point taken. Maybe I'm too sarcastic to even notice it.
I have the NG book. It's been a slow read since it's in a different language and some things don't open up as they probably would if it was in my language. So far I see myself in that book.

But most excellent points AS. I thank you. I need to start working on these and get my s*** together.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/29/19 07:54 AM
Now I'm again the guilty one for everything. Just wondering if what AS pointed out triggered everything. Her mind seems to flip every two weeks. Last weekend of July she texted how I never even tried to get her back. Two weeks forward she texted how she now sees how much I tried to get her back. Now I'm guilty for everything again. So the rollecoaster is still going on strong.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/29/19 10:50 AM
I made a decision today. I'm done. I can't take this turbulence anymore. The more she is in my life the worse I feel. And that can not be a good sign. Now I'm off to rebuilding.
Posted By: neffer Re: Moving on #3 - 08/29/19 11:16 AM
Eyes on the road P!!!
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/29/19 11:19 AM
Eyes are on the road. The road of rebuilding and a better life.

I need to rebuild myself to make it. I see it that I'm still emotionally tangled totally. I need to go through the D in every way. I need to get to a peaceful place mentally to carry on. I need to get to a place where none of her actions don't effect me.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 08/31/19 08:47 PM
This explains everything. When XW texted she still loved me etc. She had made a decision to breka up with the new man. She had figured that he is no good for her. And now there has been the hostile, accusing behaviour towards me. Well she took the man back. So there we have it.
Posted By: neffer Re: Moving on #3 - 09/01/19 04:42 AM
Feed only your monkeys P. Keep detaching. Back to DB please.

((((P))))
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 09/01/19 06:41 AM
I'm actually going to a divorce seminar. I think it's time.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 10/19/20 05:41 PM
Hey all!
It's been quite a while. Lots of things have happened. Been lost and been found.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 10/19/20 06:25 PM
Here's short version of things as they are. Not back with XW and happy with that. Been in a few Rs past year and two. Now I'm wondering why am I a magnet for people who have a lots of issues. And I started studies at university of applied studies. Becoming a nurse which is just a step towards psychotherapy studies.
Posted By: SteveLW Re: Moving on #3 - 10/19/20 07:41 PM
petri, wb. Sounds like you are doing relatively well all things considered. I wouldn't say that you are a magnet for people with lots of issues as much as lots of people have lots of issues. IE, if you are going to deal with people then you are going to deal with people with issues. Either you learn to deal with that, or you find yourself a desert island and avoid all contact with others.
Posted By: petri Re: Moving on #3 - 10/19/20 08:06 PM
Steve. Thanks buddy. Things good indeed. There's a point in your statement but in mine too. The latest person I dated had a history of abusive R. Before that the exact same thing. It would be nice to meet a person without trauma and drama... laugh I think it is a NGS thing. That's the best I can come up with.
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