Link to previous threadStill stuck in limbo land and struggling with where to go from here. Push separation or continue to wait W out?
I try to get her to discuss things
"If you were so miserable in our marriage and I supposedly made you so unhappy and held you back so much then why are you still here and not moving forward with sorting things out?"
Lol Ryan don't say that!!! You are being a little pushy, even though you are 100% right. She, like you, probably has feelings that are all over the place.
What else is going on in your world?
Answering some questions from previous thread:
Bo,
My W says the exact same thing, she is staying because she "isn't going to abandon the kids". I never said abandon anybody, sort out living arrangements and we will split time 50/50 with them. Not sure how having two houses is abandoning the children but anyways.
Ovr,
Really life is going great. I am back to spending a lot more time on my hobbies (restoring a Triumph TR6, RC helicopters, fishing and salt water aquariums). I am getting to the gym at least a couple times a week. Going out with friends for dinner or drinks at least once a week. Work is going really well and have a few business trips coming up that should be fun. One of my favorite new activities is going for dinner by my self. I generally sit up at the bar and just talk to people. I have met lots of interesting people and some have kind of become friends, both men and women. Its so interesting to me learning little bits of complete strangers stories.
Ultimately I still very much do not want D but for my own mental health I certainly am leaning more towards pushing ahead with S.
On the flip side my first choice would be to work on things and build marriage 2.0 but in reality that probably will not happen.
Same.
I think I mentioned this elsewhere, but my W said a few days ago ‘I never really wanted a D....I just wanted to S for a little bit and have us work on things and then work on recon but because you are doing and saying these things it’s pushing me away and I don’t want that and I have no choice and BLAH BLAH BLAH....’ And when I heard this (but I didn’t say this) I was all internally ‘AYFKM?!?!?!?!??!?? WTF is wrong with you?!??!!???’
I am back to spending a lot more time on my hobbies (restoring a Triumph TR6, RC helicopters, fishing and salt water aquariums).
A man after my own heart
My first car was a '64 TR-4, I never did get it fixed up the way I wanted it, just didn't know enough back then. I love those and TR-6's though! Almost bought a TR-6 years ago that had a Chevy 350 shoehorned into it, that would have been a trip! And I fly RC as well- helis, quads, planes, ornithopters. Do you fly gas or electric?
my W said a few days ago ‘I never really wanted a D....I just wanted to S for a little bit and have us work on things and then work on recon but because you are doing and saying these things it’s pushing me away and I don’t want that and I have no choice and BLAH BLAH BLAH....’
That is one of those lines that I have seen posted here so many times with just minor variations that now I just roll my eyes every time I see it. At first I didn't know what Cadet meant by "script" but if you spend enough time here you'll know all too well what he means.
AS,
I have both nitro and electric but mainly fly electric now days. Time and space to fly was getting harder to find so I picked up an OXY 2 to mess with in the back yard. It is one fun small heli. The TR has been on the go for 12 years. It was supposed to be a 5 year project but getting married and having kids put a damper on things but another perk of now having a lot more free time is I can focus on it again. I'm a sucker for punishment so converted it to the UK spec complete with the dreaded Lucas petrol injection system.
I have both nitro and electric but mainly fly electric now days. Time and space to fly was getting harder to find so I picked up an OXY 2 to mess with in the back yard. It is one fun small heli.
Sweet! I've been flying, well a long time, over 20 years. Have always flown electrics. The technology was terrible back when I started, battery packs were super heavy and flight times were short! My house is on an acre lot so I can fly my quads, helis and the smaller planes in my backyard which is nice.
The TR has been on the go for 12 years. It was supposed to be a 5 year project but getting married and having kids put a damper on things but another perk of now having a lot more free time is I can focus on it again. I'm a sucker for punishment so converted it to the UK spec complete with the dreaded Lucas petrol injection system.
My heart goes out to you
Mine had the dual Strombergs on it, those were a treat to dial in! Especially for a 16-year-old kid that didn't know what he was doing! I had a Fiat Spyder as well, the electrical on it was worse than the TR if you can imagine.
Journalling after a rough weekend:
When it comes to W I am doing quite well with acceptance and detachment. I'm young and really this should be some of the best times of my life and I am determined to make that so. I am now very much of the mindset "if a person doesn't value me, appreciate what I have to offer and doesn't want me in their life then they are free to leave". That doesn't just apply to W it applies to everybody. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I can be very stubborn at times. But at the end of the day I have a ton of good to offer and it far out ways my flaws. Where I really struggle these days is with the kids. They are not afraid to make it known that they prefer to be around me. They often make comments that they want their dad around. Yesterday being family day here in the great white north made for a really hard day. Had several requests by friends to bring the kids out for some fun, saw lots of people out and about enjoying the day with their loved ones. It really hit hard that my family had fallen apart. I treated myself to brunch and went downtown to enjoy the city but it was just one of those days feeling empty and longing for a fun day at home as the family we once were.
In the end it wasn't all bad as the kids called and really wanted to see me. Touched base with W and end up going home and doing dinner and bedtime together.
I know I shouldn't be thinking about it but it is very tough not too. Really just sat back and observed W last night and cant help but wonder what is going on. We are just past the 5 month mark now and I can't help but feel a shift in things. I don't know what way they have shifted but things seem very different. At one point late last night we were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. I asked W if she had thought anymore about the plan moving forward and I got the standard "I have to figure things out" answer. I calmly advised again that living like this was not an option for me anymore, it was not working for the kids and causing great confusion for them and asked her if it was really working for her? She confirmed that it wasn't. I asked what she wanted moving forwards and the response was "I don't know". I said "fair enough" and went up to bed. For someone who was so dead set on D 5 months ago things really seem to be stalled and "I don't know" is running rampant. Not sure if she is waiting for things to just fall into place magically so she can move on or if perhaps she is starting to have second thoughts. Either way I need to remain extra cautious now it seems and really double down on DB'ing.
Its a hard decision. I decided that I would give WW the divorce she wants. I am too valuable to waste time waiting. Think about it.
I asked what she wanted moving forwards and the response was "I don't know". I said "fair enough" and went up to bed. For someone who was so dead set on D 5 months ago things really seem to be stalled and "I don't know" is running rampant.
This is why I told H I thought is was best he moved out for a couple of months. He was stuck. We were stuck. And he was bringing me down. For all the reasons I posted on my own thread, I'm now doubting that I should have asked him to move out. Would it change the course? Probably not. I would just probably be more miserable now with a miserable person in the house. And his behaviors wouldn't have change. I had 3 or 4 really good months feeling usually happy, content and at peace. I am going to work hard to get back on track this week.
ST,
I'm very much of the same mindset these days. Yes I have my flaws but there are a lot of people out there that would love to have someone like me. Life is far too short to worry about W.
Grace,
This weekend it really hit home with me that when I am alone I am much happier, much more relaxed and calmer. A short period when W came home on Sunday that all went straight out the window.
All in all, at least this morning, I feel like I may have finally fully accepted things for what they are. We had a brief conversation yesterday and I asked W to clarify what "I don't know" meant and she did. It wasn't the answer I was hoping for but it was the one I was prepared for and I am in a way glad she clarified. She is 100% convinced that she wants D and it looks like there is no turning back. Today feels like some of the limbo land feelings have cleared.
Resolution is always much better than limbo. Hang in there bud.
So keep moving forward RH. Keep DB
Really feeling stuck this afternoon since receiving a text from W about another schedule change request this weekend. Trying to work with her on scheduling is driving me to the brink of insanity. My stance on some of the issues is an easy one. Example last Friday she had booked an appointment for D4 to have her pre kindergarten shots. Friday is my day and I found out about it on Thursday evening. I advised W that obviously D4 needs her shots and medical appointments are of the utmost importance but it is not acceptable for her to be booking appointments that she expects me to take D4 to with out ever consulting me prior to making the plans.
Now I get a message that she wants to go away this Sunday through Monday. Who knows what she has planned (I have my suspicions) but this is just one of many recently where she expects me to drop everything and watch the kids on my days off. I have plans but they are nothing critically important but they are plans none the less. I love spending time with the kids and would be happy to be with them but I also have a life. Obviously there are going to be times when scheduling issues arise and things need to be moved around but it seems with W it is way more frequent then it should be. The current schedule isn't really fair in that I never have a weekend for myself since she works Saturdays but for now thats not the end of the world. It seems to me she should be taking time off work to pursue her extra curricular activities on the days she doesn't have the kids. W went from being the worlds best Mom and wanting nothing more in life to only caring about her job and partying with friends. If anything pops up the kids are the first thing she drops.
Ryan,
This BS wont stop post-D either. You should be flexible if you expect her to be flexible in turn when you need a schedule change. It looks like she is giving you a weeks notice for a change. However by the same token, she has fired you as the H so don't be a doormat. You aren't the babysitter so she can have a last minute GNO, but dont stop her from having a GNO just because. She isn't your prerogative anymore. Its a balancing act. Prioritize, do you have plans or do you want extra time with the kids.
That being said if this isn't reciprocated by her when you need a change in schedule then all bets are off.
Edit: When I say this BS won't stop post-D the example I should use is that my XW, while good with the schedule so far, also finds ways to drop the kids as a priority. Its really frustrating and effing sad.
It wasn't the answer I was hoping for but it was the one I was prepared for and I am in a way glad she clarified. She is 100% convinced that she wants D and it looks like there is no turning back.
These little temperature check convos are completely pointless, because OF COURSE she said that because that is what she is thinking at this moment in time. In 5 minutes? An hour? A week? A year? Who knows, their minds are all over the place. I'm always surprised that despite us saying this over and over again we still have LBS's come here and say "welp that's it, I asked her again and it's all over." Did you expect her to say otherwise after only a few months of DB'ing? You've got to dig down and find some patience!
Today feels like some of the limbo land feelings have cleared.
You're only in limbo if you choose to be. Standing for your M, working on yourself, making goals and achieving them, none of that is limbo.
Trying to work with her on scheduling is driving me to the brink of insanity. My stance on some of the issues is an easy one. Example last Friday she had booked an appointment for D4 to have her pre kindergarten shots. Friday is my day and I found out about it on Thursday evening. I advised W that obviously D4 needs her shots and medical appointments are of the utmost importance but it is not acceptable for her to be booking appointments that she expects me to take D4 to with out ever consulting me prior to making the plans.
I ran into this same issue with my ex early on. Here is my suggestion (it worked for me)- send her something in writing describing the amount of advance warning you need for this type of thing and ask her if moving forward she can comply with that. If she agrees then you have an "agreement" (an offer and an acceptance). Then the next time she tries this just politely tell her that you can't on such short notice, and remind her what the agreement is. She'll eventually "get it".
Now I get a message that she wants to go away this Sunday through Monday.
Similar to above, come to an agreement on how much advanced notice you need before taking the kids on "off" days. Then hold her feet to the fire.
I know it's difficult, but you've got to look at these things as business transactions and remove your feelings from it. Forget about where she's going or why, that doesn't matter. My ex and I have often swapped out days or even entire weeks due to plans coming up, sometimes it's business and sometimes pleasure but eventually it gets to the point where you could care less what she's doing.
Thanks for all the words of encouragement.
TF- I think it is the the fact that this stuff wont ever stop until W decides to organize her life is what makes it feels worse. This weekends plans she did give a weeks notice so that is great. It's all the short notice changes or the booking of things on my days with the kids that drive me nuts. And as you mentioned, the fact that the kids don't seem to matter to her is a hard pill to swallow. On the other hand kids are very intuitive and in the short span of 5 months since BD the kids already make it well known to both of us that they would rather spend time with me. It makes it harder to be a part from them but also feels good knowing that I must be doing something right in that department.
AS- Thanks for the suggestions. I will keep attempting to get a response in writing but to date all my emails go un answered. My yearly bonus comes in next week and I may end up having L draft up a formal separation agreement but I am still trying to avoid unnecessary costs. I'm not worried about the money personally but the more we spend the less we have for the kids. At the very least we need an agreed upon parenting plan in writing. The house and financials don't really matter at this point.
Hope everyone had an amazing Easter!
Wow, I can't believe I am at the 7 month mark now. I also can't believe how my life has unfolded these past 7 months and where I am now. Work is going amazingly well, new and old friendships are coming together, my kids are all doing great. I was going to say "if you told me I would be at this point 7 months ago I wouldn't believe you". Truth is that is exactly what priority # 1 is on this forum and is made perfectly clear but when you are in the thick of things it is hard to imagine. The days of sadness are few and far between now, moments still pop up but they don't take over anymore. I take some time to acknowledge the feeling, run through a sort of reality check list and move on about my day. Just thought I would pop on by and hopefully provide some encouragement to those that are new here and those that are still struggling in their sitch. Don't let the crap that is coming your way get you down. With time things will get better and life goes on and likely gets better.
8 month update:
Life is going great, I am great personally, work is going well, the kids are doing well everything about my new bachelor life is actually quite fabulous. The only down side to things these days is the house situation and not having my own place to really call home. Currently we are going back and forth between the house on our days with the kids and friends places on the off days. Living out of a suitcase is no fun at all and this scenario actually seems to cause more negatives for the kids then positives. So lets get on with this separation, figure out the house and move on with our lives. Well wrong I am about that. I have come up to the biggest brick wall road block imaginable. In front of me is a person who verbally states she wants nothing further to do with me, who claims she desperately wants D ASAP, that will shut down or flat out ignore any request to discuss how we will go about finalizing a formal separation. Currently have L drawing up a letter to request mediation between the 4 of us (myself, W, my L and her L) for a second time but I suspect it will be ignored like the first one. Anyways, I will keep plugging away and trying to move forward.
I asked what she wanted moving forwards and the response was "I don't know". I said "fair enough" and went up to bed. For someone who was so dead set on D 5 months ago things really seem to be stalled and "I don't know" is running rampant. Not sure if she is waiting for things to just fall into place magically so she can move on or if perhaps she is starting to have second thoughts. Either way I need to remain extra cautious now it seems and really double down on DB'ing.
8 month update:
Life is going great, I am great personally, work is going well, the kids are doing well everything about my new bachelor life is actually quite fabulous. The only down side to things these days is the house situation and not having my own place to really call home. Currently we are going back and forth between the house on our days with the kids and friends places on the off days. Living out of a suitcase is no fun at all and this scenario actually seems to cause more negatives for the kids then positives. So lets get on with this separation, figure out the house and move on with our lives. Well wrong I am about that. I have come up to the biggest brick wall road block imaginable. In front of me is a person who verbally states she wants nothing further to do with me, who claims she desperately wants D ASAP, that will shut down or flat out ignore any request to discuss how we will go about finalizing a formal separation. Currently have L drawing up a letter to request mediation between the 4 of us (myself, W, my L and her L) for a second time but I suspect it will be ignored like the first one. Anyways, I will keep plugging away and trying to move forward
To me, this suggests control.......but not by you......by your W. This works for her! She benefits from the single life, and benefits from being legally M to you, enjoying a nice home, and whatever else she profits from the M. She takes advantage of you, such as making an app't for the child, planing for you to take her, while she goes off on a trip. Her excuse of not knowing is a manipulation tool. So far, I have to question if she has had to experience any type of consequences or loss for tearing up her family........other than not sleeping with you, of course. Who instigated the separation? IDK, b/c I only glanced over your previous threads, but the story sounded very familiar.
So, you stated in one post that you were actually happier without her. You talk about having a great life, and how this arrangement is not good for the kids. You've gone to the lawyer, etc. You are just waiting on her to decide about the house? If you get a D, wouldn't she have to come to some agreement about the property? I'm just asking if there is nothing legally you can do.....if you really want a D? Now, if you are fine to continue going with things as they are, that's one thing........but if you are waiting for her to cooperate, that's another. I'm just asking if your hands are tied or is there some way to put pressure on her to get her out,
if that's what you want.
Sometimes people don't know what they want, until they lose what they have. Maybe that's her problem.
Sandi,
Thanks for chiming in. You are 100% right, she is 100% taking advantage of the situation and me and hasn't really experienced any real loss. She was the one that initiated separation initially but now I am the one who seems to actually want it. It seems to be extreme cake eating, she does not want to be married to me but wants all the benefits that go along with it such as someone to clean up after her and take care of things around the house.
As far as moving things along go my hands are not completely tied but to a degree they are and it is purely financial. Without her cooperation my only option is to pursue things through the courts and just to get there I am looking at $40,000. I could swing it but would put me in a bad spot.
Wow, can't believe it is coming up on 11 months. Hope everyone is having a good summer. Been a very busy one so far for me and the kids spending lots of time at the cabin and out on the boat. The kids have such a great time at the cabin as they have so much freedom and can just be kids, something that gets lost in the big city these days. D10 went away with a friend for a weekend, first time she has been away without any family around. She struggled a bit the first night but by the end of the weekend she didn't want to leave and had an amazing time. Not much to report on regarding an official separation agreement or the house but I have started the process of moving things along through the court system. W getting a letter from my L went over like a lead balloon but it is not like I didn't give her plenty of notice or multiple opportunities to sit down and figure things out together. Nothing has really happened other the W went and retained counsel. My L keeps asking her L for an update but her L has nothing to report since W won't sit down with them either. Still a long road ahead to get things sorted out but i think I can see the slightest glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. It may be an expensive process but in the grand scheme of things the money is far less important then my happiness and my life moving forward.
Needing to vent a bit today:
I have been doing a pretty good job of emotionally detaching and for lack of a better word distancing myself from WAW over the last few months but for some reason today I find myself triggered. With back to school fast approaching the kids had asked me about possibly going shopping for some new clothes. With D10 and S8 growing like weeds they are short on things that fit so I said absolutely. I hate shopping but worst case its another fun evening/adventure with the kiddos. Now I'm at work getting angry text messages from W about not inviting her and going on a night she works. I guess the kids told her what we are doing tonight.
I'm sure from all of your perspective this sounds really silly. I think I just find it bizarre that this person who decided she didn't want to be a family anymore still wants to do absolutely everything as a family. Especially with something as dumb as shopping, its not like shes missing out on a major life event here. I don't even know how to respond to her at this point.
This doesn't sound silly at all. We can do our best to detach, and understand the WAW is using emotional reasoning, but man sometimes they get upset about the strangest things.
I don't even know how to respond to her at this point.
If this is all over text, don't respond at all.
Or a simple, "I won't continue to participate in this text if you continue to berate me."
If text is not working for your communication, I suggest you come to some agreement to move all your communications over to e-mail, phone, or F2F. Text is the absolute worst for this sort of thing.
Thanks unchien,
I did not respond but my mistake was reading her messages in the first place. That said I really dont know what to do about communication other then to not have any at all as I am running out of options. Email, phone, in person have all been tried and failed. Email she doesn't respond, phone she will rattle off 300 items in 20 seconds and then blames me when I don't remember them all. I am currently investigating co parenting apps to give a try and it looks like there are some good options out there.
We have a call every 1-2 weeks with a written agenda we share over email. It started off okay, but my W keeps adding more and more minutiae and they are less effective lately. Let me know if you find a good app!
We also tried google calendar for timeshare but my W didn’t take to it. So we have an email thread going with all the dates and times for various drop offs and pickups.
I don’t have any answers for you... so hard to communicate effectively. It’s all trial and error. Seems like your W also gets triggered by almost anything. (Sigh)
Wholly cow its the one year mark.
Just over two years since ILYBINILWY and the relationship ended and exactly one year since BD. I would like to say i have dropped the rope and completely moved on but I still have a ways to go. Especially this week for some reason I keep wondering if she is having second thoughts and it is driving me a bit crazy. In reality nothing has changed on her end and she likely is still committed to D. Finally after several letters from my lawyer she has come up with some sort of proposal regarding property/financial division. Nothing at all was proposed about the kids. It wasn't submitted to my lawyer though, she forwarded me her lawyers email to her asking if she wanted it submitted to me officially. She then wanted to get together with me to discuss things between the two of us in an effort to cut down legal costs. I agreed, she set up a date and time, she then cancelled last minute and for two weeks it has been me requesting dates and times that would work with no response. Yesterday I received a note from my lawyer stating that her counsel had advised we would be sorting things out on our own and not going through attorneys anymore. News to me. We can discuss some matters on our own but of course we will be going through lawyers. In any case this is likely where my feelings are coming from, the closer we get to a formal separation agreement the less she wants to actually do to make it happen. Any conversation about the parenting schedule, finances, the house and property she avoids like the plague. The only two options I see are, she is taking full advantage of not having to deal with life on her own and using me or option two she is having second thoughts. Before you all whack me believe me I know it is most likely the former.
With all that my plan of attack is to get myself re focused, request a meeting with her through my laywer and hopefully get the official separation agreement done and then I can get out into a new home.
With all that my plan of attack is to get myself re focused, request a meeting with her through my laywer and hopefully get the official separation agreement done and then I can get out into a new home.
That's a good plan, but I'm not sure I would even bother with requesting a meeting. She's clearly avoiding you. I'd draft up the agreement and have her legally served so that she has no choice but to respond.
AS,
You are 100% correct. I have been way to accommodating towards her, there is no negotiating with her so why am I bothering.
Really at a point now where I just want things settled once and for all. For the longest time I wanted an official separation agreement and would see where the chips fell regarding actually filing for D. The string of disrespectful and bizarre events from W continues to grow and I am now just at a point where outright D needs to happen. We have been separated for the 1 year required by provincial law and could officially get it done now. I feel kind of strange in a way, in a way I would like to thank her. My outlook on life, what I have learned about relationships, what I have learned to expect from future partners when that time comes, and just generally where I am at with myself are all thanks to this process. In a very odd way I want to thank her for all the BS. While it has still been very hard along the way and a tough thing to accept her actions have made letting her go much easier. Unfortunately the major hurdle in front of me now is not her but our insane legal system where I live. Basically I have no recourse to her constant delays. My lawter has drafted a settlement and presented it but she continues to ignore the matter. She ignores me, she ignores my attorney and she ignores her attorney. That leaves me with one, take her to court. The process is starting but it will empty about $50k out of my bank account and it looks like the earliest court date would be November of next year. The silliness of all of this just blows my mind, I don't have anything to fight about, we stick to the guidelines of the family law act in regards to the kids, we split the fiances, the furniture and household items I don't really care about and would not argue over. We could settle things so easy if she wanted to. Anyways, that's my rant for today, hope everyone has a great day.
Glad to hear you are doing well, and sorry to hear your W isn't cooperating. Holy cow, that is a crazy amount of time to wait!!! And wow that is crazy expensive! Good luck, hopefully it'll go as smoothly as it can!
Thanks AS.
Still hoping she will come to her senses a bit and we can just settle it but it doesn't look promising.
Holly cow we have progress. I'm almost ready to crack out the champagne. The threat of court proceedings and the prospect of splitting at minimum a $50k court bill finally got some action. We sat down and sorted out 95% of the agreement, mainly all the stuff about the kids and how we would split holidays etc. The finances will be sorted this week and I am finally in a position to find a place of my own to rent. With any luck I can be out by the end of the month and start getting settled somewhere. The only real issue we have left to sort but it is a sticky one is the actual weekly schedule and that is where I'm looking for some help from all the wise people on here. A while back a what was supposed to be short term solution was put into place and here we are over a year later still on it. The stbxw works Saturday mornings so that has been a tough one to navigate. Currently W looks after the kids Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. I look after them Thursday, Friday, Saturday and we alternate Wednesdays. Swaps occur after school during the week and Sunday morning. Not terrible but there are two major draw backs. First I don't get any evenings to go out and socialize with friends where I don't have to get up for work in the morning or have any weekend days to perhaps sleep in or take care of things that I cant during the week due to work. Second, this schedule completely screws up teh weekend for the kids and neither they nor myself or W really get a quality weekend with them. I spend Saturday running them all around to dance then hand them over to their mom Sunday morning. She gets to enjoy Sunday evening with them but that isn't much.
There has been a bunch of back and forth about this with several schedule proposals made and reviewed but we couldn't come to a solution based on her Saturday work hours. This week my IC suggested the following:
W: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Me: Thursday, Friday, Saturday
We alternate Sundays and on my Sunday drop off would be Sunday Evening (I'm open to various timing) and on the weekends where she has Sunday we switch off Saturday when she gets off work (about 3 pm).
Under this schedule we would both be responsible for the kids on two days a week that we each have to work as she has Monday off, she would not have to worry about child minding at 5am Saturdays, the kids get to spend more time with each parent every second weekend, both parents get some weekend time alone to participate in social activities or just rest. To me it seems like a win for all parties but it is still a flat no from W. So I would like to hear some of your thoughts.
Ryan I feel you on the schedule thing, I am working on that in my sitch as well.
Your IC's proposal sounds pretty fair. What does your W want? The status quo where you have the kids on both weekend nights? Sorry, not very fair.
I see 2 decent options here - what your IC proposes is one. The other would be a schedule where W takes the kids every Saturday night so you get a weekend night off, and you would also have every Sunday off. This way you each get a weekend night and weekend day with and without the kids. If I had to choose I would say the best night to have off for social activities is Saturday night, and the best "day of rest" is Sunday, but that's me. This schedule would have you alternating Tuesdays I think, if you want to keep things 50/50 over time.
Are your kids in dance and other activities every single Saturday all year round? If so and that is your only weekend day you might not get the quality time you want. My kids have sports on Saturdays but only for some of the year, so I would get plenty of open Saturdays. If you won't get a bunch of free Saturdays, then the every-other-weekend schedule might be better for you as you would get every other Sunday as a free day with the kids to do whatever.
Lots to think about. Do you have a L to run this by? If not does the family court have someone you can talk to about schedules? I know in my jurisdiction it is pretty common for a judge to go with 50/50 and every other weekend if the parents can't agree. It would be helpful to know what to expect if you can't get W to agree.
Good luck buddy.
