Month 4 for me. That's still considered "nothing", even though a lot of changes have been made and sticking.
What is considered a "good" DBing time? If such a thing exists?
It's a great question because most people come here with unrealistic expectations about how long it takes to save a M. I've been around here a little bit and I've seen many sitches play out. And knocking on the door of 60, I've seen many play out IRL as well. Here is the pattern I've seen time and time again:
1. BD
2. LBS is sad and desperate and needy and doing anything to get WAS back, frantic that everything they are doing is "wrong" and desperate to know what are the "right" things to do to make things normal again
3. LBS works on themselves following a bunch of "steps" all with the thought of bringing the WAS back
4. WAS is still not interested, so LBS declares they are over WAS and moving on and will be fine with or without the WAS, while both feet are still planted firmly in 2 and 3
5. LBS realizes this really isn't going to "go back to normal" or be cured overnight
6. LBS starts rebuilding their life and REALLY letting the WAS go
7. LBS starts coming out of the fog and realizes the folly of 2-4 above
8. LBS drops the rope, embraces GAL, starts to find happiness again
9. WAS discovers that the life of freedom and fun they thought they were achieving is not there, begins working on themselves and wrestling with their internal demons
10. WAS starts to miss the LBS
I bet if I asked any of you, even the newer people, to name who here is in steps 2 and 3 and who is in 8 you'd be able to tell me with 95% accuracy for anyone except yourself. Just about all of you that have been here less than a year are in 2 and 3. Most of you are trying hard to convince yourselves you are in 6-8, but you are not even close. And let me tell you, you CANNOT make any wise decisions about ANYTHING when you are in 2-3. This is why we constantly counsel LBS's to WAIT before making any decisions regarding S or D. You are not in the right frame of mind, and worse, you DON'T KNOW you're not in the right frame of mind.
PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE.
Now that I've said that, not all sitches make it to these steps but many (maybe even most) do:
11. WAS wants to reconcile
12A. LBS has moved on to the point that they no longer want to reconcile with the WAS. Reasons usually include "I never want to go through that again" and/ or "once I came out of the fog I realized he/she wasn't that great of a person after all."
12B. LBS decides to give recon a try
13. Recon
Of course every LBS wants to know how long it takes to get to 11. The answer is: a lot longer than most have patience for. I've seen it happen in less than a year maybe twice. I've seen more in the 1-2 year range. I've seen most in the 2+ year range. I know no one wants to hear that, but I think if you know the reality of this you'll realize just how long the road is ahead of you. If you have to run a marathon I am not doing you a service by telling you it's only a mile long, then when you get to the mile marker tell you "oops it's a little longer" and such. You need to know how long a journey it really is.