First Post - Not Sure Where I'm Headed - 01/01/18 04:31 PM
This is my story.
I'm impressed with everything I've read here. I found the DB website 5 days ago and been reading & listening since. A week and a half ago, in therapy (after 6+ months of therapy), my W said she was done - (BD) - and making a list if stuff she wants. The therapist immediately switched gears toward grief counseling for loss. I'd been warned, repeatedly, but had not learned.
I've struggled with porn addiction for years. Quit for a year, became ill (low thyroid, fungal infection, etc.), started again, now regaining my health/sobriety. We have a SSM on steroids. I have much trust to rebuild if I get the chance.
W said she was done 3 months ago. Therapist suggested pausing for 6 months to see if I could change. W countered with 3 months. Then she regretted it. Hence, the BD, of sorts, 2.5 months later, but she has not yet filed for D. We are in the same house, but sleep in different rooms.
After BD, I initially reacted poorly. I told W I wanted her to get a full-time job. Argument ensued. After discovering DB, I've been calm, supportive, giving her space, no R talk. She seems nicer already. I'm acting AS IF. I honored her request and moved my stuff to the spare bathroom. We can't afford to live separately. I'm working on GAL. That seems to be helping.
I guess I'm blessed in spite of the SITCH. Our SSM and my porn use have been her chief complaints. I've apologized repeatedly. Probably need to keep doing that. Recently she said the lack of emotional support pushed her over the edge.
I never believed that D would happen for us. She has threatened D for 13-14 yrs (cry wolf?). She has not filed papers yet and wants non-contested D, but our assets may make it contested. She has asked whether I want attorney or mediated D. I want our MR to work, but she knows that.
I have questions because my SITCH seems unusual. I want to show emotional support, but not beg or pursue or push R talk. I need to find the balance. I'm making a list of what works and what doesn't. Suggestions welcome.
I'm impressed with everything I've read here. I found the DB website 5 days ago and been reading & listening since. A week and a half ago, in therapy (after 6+ months of therapy), my W said she was done - (BD) - and making a list if stuff she wants. The therapist immediately switched gears toward grief counseling for loss. I'd been warned, repeatedly, but had not learned.
I've struggled with porn addiction for years. Quit for a year, became ill (low thyroid, fungal infection, etc.), started again, now regaining my health/sobriety. We have a SSM on steroids. I have much trust to rebuild if I get the chance.
W said she was done 3 months ago. Therapist suggested pausing for 6 months to see if I could change. W countered with 3 months. Then she regretted it. Hence, the BD, of sorts, 2.5 months later, but she has not yet filed for D. We are in the same house, but sleep in different rooms.
After BD, I initially reacted poorly. I told W I wanted her to get a full-time job. Argument ensued. After discovering DB, I've been calm, supportive, giving her space, no R talk. She seems nicer already. I'm acting AS IF. I honored her request and moved my stuff to the spare bathroom. We can't afford to live separately. I'm working on GAL. That seems to be helping.
I guess I'm blessed in spite of the SITCH. Our SSM and my porn use have been her chief complaints. I've apologized repeatedly. Probably need to keep doing that. Recently she said the lack of emotional support pushed her over the edge.
I never believed that D would happen for us. She has threatened D for 13-14 yrs (cry wolf?). She has not filed papers yet and wants non-contested D, but our assets may make it contested. She has asked whether I want attorney or mediated D. I want our MR to work, but she knows that.
I have questions because my SITCH seems unusual. I want to show emotional support, but not beg or pursue or push R talk. I need to find the balance. I'm making a list of what works and what doesn't. Suggestions welcome.