I'll start this post by saying this is the best place you could have ever found. Lots of caring people with tons of knowledge! Listen to the people who are trying to help!
I haven't been around for a while and quite frankly, lost track of where everybody here is in life but I hope all are well! I'll give a brief history of my sitch and let everybody know where I'm at now.my ex fiancé started a new job in December of 2014. By mid January, she was different. Secretive, phone face down, all the signs of an EA minimum. Didn't really have the time for a PA at that point and all time was accounted for. Fast forward to feb of 2015, I looked at the phone bill and confirmed there was something up. Things were rocky for a week or two but all contact stopped (away from work) and things seemed to be going great. I kept a close eye on things and landed here sometime after she dropped the bomb on me and moved out. I did EVERYTHING wrong. Beg, plead, tried to reason, gifts... Just poured my heart out any chance I had. Which was a lot due to our child care arrangements. For a few months I suspected that this "friend" from work was more but didn't have proof. Anyways, my gut feeling was right. I literally sat idle, thinking I was detached for a long long time. Nothing changed.
Now let's jump ahead to early 2016. there is much much more I could tell through 2015, but you all know the script and actions of a wayward... She was textbook. Hot/cold. Dropping breadcrumbs to keep my attention. Just had me sitting waiting as a backup plan. Sometime in January, she was melting down constantly. As she always has, even when OM was around, she called me when stressed. Eventually it came out that she hates herself for what she did and they were done because she finally saw he was using her and taking advantage of her vulnerability. The whole month of February seemed to be going I the right direction. Lots of serious talks. Lots of joking and texting throughout the day. Nothing sexual, no dates, and no sleepovers at each other's places. She quit her job (where Om worked), got rid of all the people there on social media. Just kinda tried to erase that part of her life. That all came to a screeching halt one day out of he blue. I personally think now, I was looking too eager.
Since then, everything has been pretty much status quo. No shifts in any direction. Just civil co parenting and some slightly warm slightly cold cycles. I got accustomed to all this and eventually ran across an awesome girl a bit ago. We hit it off great and started dating. Life really felt great. Like I had a place after living alone for over a year.
This past weekend, I made a huge step and invited the new girl to he movies with me and S4. Everything went well and being the bigger person, I knew it was time to let XF in on this part of my life and be honest about what is going on. I did that Monday morning. She started crying and hung up the phone on me. I heard nothing but crickets the rest of time day Monday and into Tuesday afternoon. Hen I got a call. She wanted me to meet her with a few things for out son that I knew she really didn't need but I agreed anyway. His turned into a long talk with her sobbing the whole time about how she has wanted to come home for a long time and just couldn't say it. And how now it's too late and she has nobody to blame but herself. She says she has hinted around at different things and I blew them off? To me if she did it was very subtle and by that time I was so numb to the sitch that I didn't react to it.
Now I am in a pickle. I have an awesome new girl who I get along with great. I have an ex who is the mother of my child and also a great person (if the wayward attitude is truly gone now). And wishing the next few days, I'm gonna have to make a life altering decision and hurt somebody I care about.
Sorry for rambling, but the moral of this whole post. Detach! Truly detach! It works. I'm not saying go out dating like I unfortunately did, it only complicates things. They sense the detachment and that is when they actually start regretting what they have done and second guessing their decisions. Shortly before the false start in February I was getting there. But I caved too easily and she ran back into her nest. Now I honestly thought I was over everything and really did detach (to the point that I've made this worse) and she is begging to come back. Learn from my mistakes. And live life for you. Get yourself happy on your own. They will see all this and want to be a part of your awesome life. If I would have known everything I know now, a year ago, I really think she would have been at this spot long long ago!
I thought of a few things to add since my post. By detach, don't try to drag out convo's. Even as much as it seems to be about the kids or something important. They sense that you just want to keep them on the phone. No unnecessary contact. I didn't truly detach and realize it until I was preoccupied with my new interest.
As far as dating, I thought I was ready. Everything happened so easily. Then when a convo like Tuesday came around, I realized that even though I was by myself for over a year, there's no time frame on this process. I got reeled right back in even though I'm am happy with where life was going. Only you will know when it's time, and even if you feel it is, wait a bit longer...
Wow. First of all congratulations on living life for yourself and getting you to a good place. But I'm sorry you're in a bit of a predicament, now I guess it's your time to clear your mind and have a good think about everything.
It is nice to hear the success of detaching. Gives me a little hope. I just fear my wh is going to file before he even thinks about things properly.
Wow. It's great you got to a good place on your own. And is inspiring for me as someone who is just starting to go through this.
I wish I could help you out with your predicament but like cherry said it seems like you've gotta take some time and clear your head.
Cherry. I know the thought of your WH filing without thinking is scary. That's exactly what my WW/MLCer did. And as someone pointed out to me. Marriage/divorce is just reporting your relationship to the government. And doesn't necessarily mean the end.
Stay positive
Oh believe me, fear gets you nowhere. I feared every word I spoke and every move I made for over a year. It did nothing but drag me down and keep me in a funk. Now that I feel good and am having fun with life again it's turning heads. Not only XF, this new girl came to me and is a very attractive girl. We sit for about an hour a night looking at all the messages and propositions she gets through the day all over social media. But she CAME TO ME! That seems to have brought me back to my confident old self and now there are many more people mentioning that. Males and females alike comment that I just have an energy when I walk in a room. That's who I used to be and what I lost through all of this. Now that it's back, I can see good things happening but I've got a major decision to make.
XF wants to talk more Saturday at our kid swap so see what that brings and go from there?
Yes may, you are fresh in this. It's a marathon not a sprint. Stick to the 37 and detach buddy, you're here soon enough that you can avoid many of the mistakes I made! I don't know your sitch but if I have time I want to try to catch up on some later today. The best advise I can give is listen to the vets here. Cadet, sandi, wonka... There are many more great people but those are 3 that really stick out. They are here to give back. Not because they have to but because they want to help people like you and me.
You sitch sounds like mine from way back in the day. I had a GF and although we weren't engaged, we often talked marriage. Then one day she dropped me like a hot potato and went off with another guy. I was devastated. I did everything wrong, and for awhile I was her friend, but each time she left me a crumb my heart got torn a little bit more until I finally gave up. I joined the Air Force and met my future wife.
Three days before my wedding day I got a call from my old GF and she told me she had sent me a letter and it was important I read it. I got the letter the next day and in it she was begging me back and told me she had been missing me like crazy for the last few months. She couldn't get me out of her mind and said she was stupid for leaving me. I seriously thought about breaking it off with my soon-to-be W and going back with the GF, but I knew I couldn't do that and eventually she would break my heart again and I could not imagine the thought of hurting my W. I read the letter a couple more times and threw it away. I didn't contact the old GF.
I never looked back and to this day I don't know what happened to her. I never told my W about the letter until a month after my BD (I wrote her a 19 page letter then).
It's strange, but even though it happened 32 years ago, it does give me some hope for my current sitch. I completely detached from my GF then and later she came coming back to me.
It might be a pipe dream, but it's a dream I'm still holding out hope for.
Hey,
I think this thread was for me. Or it could have been written for me.
I needed to read this. I am doing it right and I need to continue on my path. NO R talks. No asking where her head is at.
Good to hear from you Uphill.
She didn't really want to go home until she thought another might replace her. My advice is to play this cool. If you tell her you will not date this other girl, I can nearly guarantee that your XF will pull back again. Do not show excitement or eagerness. Tell her you aren't sure about trying again with her.
If she is remorseful, and if she really wants you back.......she should be willing to attend couples counseling, and any transparency you need from her. I would advise you not move in together, until you have attended C and dated each other for a while. The R needs to strengthen emotionally, before living together.
P.S. Thanks for the vote of confidence.
wow what a story! gives us newbs hope!
That is exactly what I told her sandi! And the truth be told, that is where I'm at. It's not an act at all... I'm at a place right now that I've waited for, for a long time. And when I heard those words, it made me sick to my stomach. Yes it' sounds great, but very overwhelming and no jumping for joy because it just made my head spin!
As far as the vote of confidence goes, I'm not scared to give props where props are due! All of you vets are amazing!
Thanks, and I am really hoping things go the best way for your sake.
Yes it truly is good to hear someone having healed in themselves either way. I guess wether the WAS comes back or not, to hear someone happy and content and living their life a year down the line line just gives hope that this pain will not last forever.
Great to hear you are doing well Uphill even though you are facing some tough choices. And no doubt they are going to be tough choices. JMHO WW's that come back when you start getting close to someone else are there because it is still about them. THEY are losing you to someone else. THEY don't have you on the hook anymore. THEY are not in control of you. THEY are not getting what they want (whatever that is). The question is how long do THEY stick around after they know you are back on the hook. IDK??? Maybe I am just being too cynical???? or projecting my sitch on yours. Again IDK.
For me it is the timing of it. You tell her about GF and then she suddenly has all these feelings which she could have expressed to you but chose not too.
The best advise I could give is think long and hard about it. You could be giving up something very special for more of the same heartache.
Again that is just my two cents and the advice I give is worth what you paid for it ;-)
I'll explain this a little deeper for you cherry. I had gotten to the point that it just felt so hopeless, that I had no choice but to forget about ever R'ing with XF. Only then did I actually do the work for me. I thought I had been the whole time but everything I did was still in a way looking over my shoulder. That had to stop and I had to do me. Only then did I feel alive again! And that is when everything came together for me. New girl came along and compliments me awesome. We get along great. That is when I REALLY took the focus off XF and it got her thinking.
If anybody would have asked me Tuesday how my life was going, I would have replied that it's going great. Now with this curveball, I feel like I have a front row seat on the rollercoaster again. The difference is, this time I'm the one driving it. XF wants to talk more Saturday at kid swap so I'm gonna be taking notes and hopefully gaining some clarity to which way I take in life.
I put all my cards on the table last night with my new girl. She has been great about all of it and said if I want her to, she will step into the shadows while I sort this out. It was far from an easy convo to have but it had to happen. I told her word for word everything I remembered from the convo with XF. That in itself has made me feel much better with myself and this mess.
Yeah I guess there's the difference this time, it's no longer you on her crazy train. You hold the cards and all the decisions this time.
I really need to get to the point that you did and truly stop looking over your shoulder and begin to do the healing.
Be clear on what you would need from XF before you would even consider another try with her. And be careful as you already know. It could be just the emotional response to the sudden loss of you and not any true remorse and deep longing to have you back. You were on a happy path before this episode. Stay on it.
I already in that convo on Tuesday, put some "ground rules for consideration" in place. She knows what I have to see before I will make any move in her direction (if that's even the path I chose)
Sandi, if you pop in, I have a quick question for you. During this convo, the first thing she did was cry. Then make a comment about getting home to my girlfriend before I'm in trouble. I replied with what is that supposed to mean? Was I supposed to be single forever waiting for you? At that point and quite a few times through the convo, she kept saying "nevermind, it's too late. You moved on. I have nobody to blame but myself". That is the one phrase from the whole thing that sticks with me. Is that her admitting defeat? Or trying to play guilt? Or maybe even just an honest phrase? It just seems to me that there's either a hidden meaning or more to that because of the way it kept being repeated...
Sandi, if you pop in, I have a quick question for you. During this convo, the first thing she did was cry. Then make a comment about getting home to my girlfriend before I'm in trouble. I replied with what is that supposed to mean? Was I supposed to be single forever waiting for you? At that point and quite a few times through the convo, she kept saying "nevermind, it's too late. You moved on. I have nobody to blame but myself". That is the one phrase from the whole thing that sticks with me. Is that her admitting defeat? Or trying to play guilt? Or maybe even just an honest phrase? It just seems to me that there's either a hidden meaning or more to that because of the way it kept being repeated...
Well, after reading this, I have to tell you that I'm not so sure she is remorseful and making some attempt to get you back. I will explain.
First, I want to point out to any of the men who read this post, about her tears. It is not a big problem for women to turn on the tears. Tears can even be used as a manipulative tool. Therefore, the show of tears do not necessarily mean what the man may translate them to be.
I do not know the tone your W used. I could take the description of what she said, and read it out loud with an angry tone..........and it changes everything.
The main thing that causes me to doubt your W's intentions, is b/c she threw into the conversation (more than once) snarly remarks about your girlfriend. And, she repeated that you've moved on. Those remarks was her trying to get you to tell her what she wanted to hear...........and, yes, to cause you guilty feelings.
When she heard you were going to date this woman, her jealousy surfaced. It is difficult for me to explain how a WW may not really want the LBH's wife......but she doesn't want another woman replacing her, either. When your W heard about your interest in this lady, she could have felt her position in your life, the home, and family.......was threatened (meaning, she could be truly losing you). So, she wanted assurance that she still had you wrapped around her finger, so to speak. In other words, this could have been a big emotional/relationship temperature check. If it was, then as soon as she feels she still has you, emotionally, she will pull away again.
I can view this conversation from the eyes of a WW........which isn't pretty. Based on your description, I can see her hoping you would jump in and tell her that you have not been able....nor will ever be able to move on without her. She wanted to hear you say that you would not date anyone and this other lady was history. When she continued saying she had no one to blame but herself, was her attemps to hook you into saying it wasn't all her fault.......and for you to comfort her. That is why she made those emotional, and rather immature, comments.
It is extremely common for the WW to test her H, to see where she stands with him. He really cannot afford to show his cards at the first sight of tears. He needs to hold them until he is satisfied she is sincere. If she had gone to you and told you how sorry she was and how wrong it was to hurt you........and ask you what it would take to reconcile the R.........then I could say it was a lot more promising.
I think you need to be very hesitant. Do not pursue your XF! If she wants to return, she needs to work her way back. One of my favorite sayings from Starsky, that seems to be a great answer to many things the wayward says is, "It's just not that simple anymore".
I doubt this is your only chance to get back your XF.......if she is sincere. And if she's not, then you need to keep moving on. Life is too short to marry someone who would treat you the way she has.
Thank you for the response sandi! I'll clarify a little so you understand better how the convo went. When I pulled in to drop this stuff off, they were both out of her car. I got out and started talking to our son, played with him a little and chatted about his day. I heard her sniffle a few times and glanced out of the corner of my eye. Went about playing with the kiddo. I heard it getting louder so I used a go to bailout excuse. That is when she said about getting home to the girlfriend. If I remember correctly that is the only time she mentioned her directly. I looked at her and just asked what that was supposed to mean? I got something to the effect that it doesn't matter anymore... I said well if it's enough to make a comment about I would like to hear it. That is when she went into saying she thought things between us have been getting better and how she made hints at spending time together. From there I can't say exactly what all was said but I know at some point she said she's been battling with herself over all of this for a long time and couldn't bring herself to say anything. The whole time, I was stone faced, said very little and didn't try to hug or comfort her. Basically listened to what she was saying and nothing more. The only thing I did say that may or may not have given her anything. One of the times she mentioned that it's too late that I moved on, I responded something to the effect that I never say never. Because I never thought I would be where I'm at in life, and if I said it would have never happen I would now look like a liar. How it was left that night, Saturday is gonna be more talking.
Oh, I forgot to mention her tone. It wasn't angry or loud at all. It was a sobbing voice which I know means nothing but just wanted to add that so you know it wasn't screaming and yelling
Great work Uphill, I don't know what I would do in your place but you have a lot to think about.
One quick question, is she seeing anyone at the moment? Or had she been seeing someone until recently?
heard her sniffle a few times and glanced out of the corner of my eye. Went about playing with the kiddo. I heard it getting louder so I used a go to bailout excuse. That is when she said about getting home to the girlfriend.
It sounds as if she was trying to get you to notice she was crying........and to ask her what was wrong. Another female tactic, but maybe I have her all wrong.
If you don't recall anything she said that could have been hints, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. If she did give "hints", I think it would b/c she wanted you to pursue her, and then she would not have to humble herself and do what she needs to do. That's not how things should work. She should seek your forgiveness and express remorse straightforwardly, and with humility.
Like I said, hearing the news about the girlfriend is what prompt her to have this little talk.
Btw, you handled it perfectly on your end........except maybe for that statement you made on the end, which gave her reassurence. Not sure how you left things, but otherwise you seemed to have done well. I want to leave you with a tip that I have about her saying it's too late and you are moving on, etc. Don't fall for these types of remarks! You LBH's are way too quick to want to assure the WW that she still stands a good chance with you. Don't you get it? She needs to think you aren't eager, or even very interested. Otherwise, you will find yourself being dumped again and again. For gosh sakes guys, play a little harder to get with the gal who broke your heart and the stomped on it.
So, whenever the next chat takes place, please don't offer these type of statements, and do not bail her out, okay? Lean back and see what she has to say, before opening your big mouth. Be the cool guy who was ignoring her sniffles and putting all his attention on playing with his son. That guy was more attractive and harder to get. At least, be a challenge for her.
Awesome advice sandi! And yes that was the plan for Saturday. Just sit back and listen. See what she has to say about everything.
The hints were things I honestly took as jokes at the time. Early on in this I would have been jumping for joy if she had a bad day at work and said something about just running away together and starting over. My response a month or so ago was "life isn't that easy". Another was her asking me to go to an upcoming event for the kiddo. I said I wasn't even sure who's day it was because I didn't have a calendar in front of me. She replied that it's her night but I'm welcome to come (we had to get tickets). I said well yeah I'll come then, let me know how much it costs. I saw it as good coparenting because it's for his sports team. I never worried about who's day it was for his games, if he had one I went so I treated this the same. She claims it was a way to spend time together? Maybe? I didn't see that at the time though.
Honesty? Maybe? A tactic to make it look like she tried? Maybe? Only she knows for sure...
I left the convo that I really had to get going. Then it came up if we could continue Saturday
wow what a story! gives us newbs hope!
Yeah this is an inspirational post. Thanks for coming back and posting this.
Hi uphill,
It's really good to hear an update from you. I'm glad to hear that you are good personally. Re: your relationship(s)- sandi has given you sound advice. Best of luck to you when you do have the convo. It really is amazing to see how time has been a great gift to you. We're in your corner.
Since I started posting again I'll offer up my daily update. Yesterday was for the most part quiet with XF. A few witty banter texts later in the evening but nothing much.
Due to everything going on, and my complete transparency with the new girl, she has decided to step into the shadows until I get my head wrapped around all of this. Surprisingly, that was like a weight lifted from my shoulders! We still talked throughout the night almost as we would have before but agreed that we shouldn't see each other or be serious at all until this is sorted out. Her main thing is she doesn't want to be the reason my family doesn't get back together, which I explained wouldn't be on her but it is great to hear she cares about more than just herself in all of this.
Hope all is well in DB land, I'll check in throughout the day.
XF called a bit ago. Was about a half hour call about some stuff going on in her life. Like extremely secret type thing that cannot get out and I'm the one person she tells? I don't know if it's because of feeling comfortable with me because she knows I won't tell or trying to extend an olive branch my way? Prolly nothing but felt it was noteworthy due to the circumstances
Hi uphill, welcome back. I wrote a long post to you yesterday but lost it.
I had 2 initial thoughts about your recent interactions.
1. I did not like the manner or wording from your W. It! As all about her IMO. I won't develope on that as you have the excellent sandi already posting. But some interactions are hard and none of us are super at all interactions. So it not being perfect is not really important. She is only human. Her sincerity or not will become apparent.
2. Saturdays chat is just that. You don't need to decide anything nnow or even say anything.You are in a good place. You do not need her so the onus is on her to win you back. Keep your cards close to your chest until you ate ready to play them.
Best wishes
Update. Had a very long talk, visit with XF yesterday. I am happy as well as a bit guarded to let everybody know that we are going to be giving this a shot. It's gonna be a long road but I feel confident that she is willing to put the work in that it's gonna take. Only time will tell where this leads, but it's a path I feel like I owe myself to take a chance on. Wish me luck!
Uphill - that's fabulous news! Best of luck indeed.
Good luck buddy, keep up the journalling as it is a help and inspiration to us all
I plan to keep everybody posted. Spending today processing everything on my couch. I'm sure I'll have many questions for everybody as this moves forward. For now, we are gonna be dating while keeping our son shielded from it so he doesn't get any more confused at this point.
Good luck buddy. We're in your corner!!
Boo. puke. puke. being pulled back into the madness when you have reached a good point is not encouraging to me at all. 8p~
I wish you all the best and hope you stand firm in what she needs to do to work back in to the M.
I read this last night and wanted to sleep on it before replying
Boo. puke. puke. being pulled back into the madness when you have reached a good point is not encouraging to me at all. 8p~
I wish you all the best and hope you stand firm in what she needs to do to work back in to the M.
I'm not sure how to really read into this but I do want to say a few things about it. DBing, is about saving yourself. Getting through the roughest part of your life and this board is just a safe place for all of us to come to vent and get advice. Over the past year, I have done exactly that. I am a completely different person than I was when arriving here. Anybody who has been here since the beginning of this will tell you the same thing.
With that said, the primary reason most, if not all of us ended up here was by googling "how to save my relationship". Over time, that became a secondary reason due to learning that I had to save myself. BUT it is still what I fought and stood for, for a long time. Now that the main goal (saving myself) has been accomplished, and the oppourtunity came about to possibly make my family whole again, I feel I owe it to myself and my son to give it my all.
I am at the point in life that I don't NEED to be with her anymore. I'm not obsessing, losing sleep, not eating.... I'm living life and as long as she can prove that she is serious about this, I want to share it with her.
You don't need to justify yourself. Your life your decision.II wish you well and I hope your W can do the necessary to have a fully committed R together.
I read this last night and wanted to sleep on it before replying
Boo. puke. puke. being pulled back into the madness when you have reached a good point is not encouraging to me at all. 8p~
I wish you all the best and hope you stand firm in what she needs to do to work back in to the M.
I am a completely different person than I was when arriving here.
UH, buddy, Im pretty sure this was a joke by Natus.
I think this is the key right here. Dont lose that or feel guilty for it.
When I was with my ex, I was a complete homebody. I stayed at home with the kids so that my partner could go out and do whatever - workout with friends, go to a concert, have a movie night, etc. My "away time" was periodic traveling for business. I thought that that freedom would keep that person happy, but all it did was build resentment in me which was expressed in other ways. I expected that the "home time" would always be about "us" since it wasnt so frequent. I built up these contracts in my head that were never communicated and always left me feeling bitter. My life revolved around that person, and I think it became too much to bear. That said, now I go out when I can and I encourage my new partner to do the same. Its so critical for us each to have our own lives.
The point of this is to encourage you to KEEP your changes. It cant have been a ploy to win XF back - or she will just walk again. Youre a different person now. Dont go back to who you were.
I took it as a joke, I felt the need to explain where I'm at and how this journey works for anybody here who may be stuck in the rut I was for a long time. I may have worded my reply to that a bit off but my point remains the same. The work has to be done on yourself first. If you are looking over your shoulder at all, they will know. When I ACTULLY did that, my whole life changed for the better.
This is really great to read. I'm trying my best to face forward and concentrate on me. But today is a bit of a tough day, just feeling a little sad today over the weekends events.
You're doing great and it's really inspiring to hear tales of db-img working
Just stopping by to keep everybody posted. Past few days there has been more contact between us. Not as much as I thought there would be but XF is also sick enough that she had to go to the doctor yesterday. Hopefully once the medicine takes hold she will be more chatty. I'm keeping my distance, not only to try to let her get her rest, but also don't want to scare the squirrel.
Also to not be the only one pursuing......... and keep a check on those expectations.As cadet says they will get you every time.
Best wishes and thanks for update. I have my fingers crossed for ye.
Yeah, those expectations. They'll get you every time. We do have an event for Friday night. That will be the 3 of us. Saturday, our son isn't gonna be around from early morning until late night. Waiting for her to hear back from work but we may have the whole day just for us to find something fun to do. Even if she does end up working, we will have most of he afternoon and all evening...
I read this last night and wanted to sleep on it before replying
Boo. puke. puke. being pulled back into the madness when you have reached a good point is not encouraging to me at all. 8p~
I wish you all the best and hope you stand firm in what she needs to do to work back in to the M.
I'm not sure how to really read into this but I do want to say a few things about it. DBing, is about saving yourself. Getting through the roughest part of your life and this board is just a safe place for all of us to come to vent and get advice. Over the past year, I have done exactly that. I am a completely different person than I was when arriving here. Anybody who has been here since the beginning of this will tell you the same thing.
With that said, the primary reason most, if not all of us ended up here was by googling "how to save my relationship". Over time, that became a secondary reason due to learning that I had to save myself. BUT it is still what I fought and stood for, for a long time. Now that the main goal (saving myself) has been accomplished, and the oppourtunity came about to possibly make my family whole again, I feel I owe it to myself and my son to give it my all.
I am at the point in life that I don't NEED to be with her anymore. I'm not obsessing, losing sleep, not eating.... I'm living life and as long as she can prove that she is serious about this, I want to share it with her.
Hi Uphill, comment was made in jest. I do wish you the best and if you can have a better stronger M than thats awesome.
Although i do stand by the comment that its not encouraging to me at all :> purely because im just starting the detaching process and am praying the rollercoaster emotions to end.
Natus, it is a very long and hard process. Nothing happens overnight... Even when you think you are there, it takes longer buddy! I'm not saying any of this to discourage you, I am just being honest. For the longest time I knew I wasn't there yet. Then a few times I thought I was only to be crushed by something that came along which I had no idea would bother me. Nobody knows where my journey will take me at this point but I do now have the knowledge and control to try to make it the best ride possible! Right now it's my job to not only protect myself, but to be as fun and upbeat as humanly possible.
It has been a long long time since I have posted here. A lot has also happened in my life since that last update. XF, as it turns out, had another false start. Within a few weeks of wanting to work on things, OM's car was at her apartment when I went to work one morning. Things seemed off and that explained it 100%.
Since that day, I haven't looked back. I have a wonderful new girlfriend (who is the one I had started seeing before the false start). I was completely honest with her when I decided to give XF a shot and in the end, that really payed off that I was as transparent as I was.
We have a busy summer coming up together. She has actually moved in with me and my son recently and things seem to be looking up in life.
XF is now seeming to get the fact that I've moved on after a few months of really rough jealousy issues focused on myself and GF.
I hope all is well here with all my old friends!!!!
I guess the success came with finding someone new even though the relationship with your XF didn't work out. I could really use your opinion in regards to my own situation. Wondering if I'll actually have to go through a divorce to reach my W.
Wondering if I'll actually have to go through a divorce to reach my W.
If you figure that one out, let me know!
I will try to read up on your sitch tread. What I will say before even knowing anything about yours in general, is this DB thing is about saving yourself and become ingrained the best possible version of yourself. What comes with that is succes in life. Will the X want to be a part of it is what is yet to be seen buddy