I was quite moved by a post I saw. Someone stated that they were not doing well and had even given up on prayer.
I can tell you that one of the only things that is keeping me going is: I have an army of people praying for healing and forgiveness between my Wife and I.
I know it is not much - but I would be honored to pray for anyone out there. I'm not a clergy or a scholar or have any more answers than you. I can't promise any results - but I can pray for you.
If you would like me to pray for just reply with your username/handle. If you want to give a specific prayer request i.e. Healing, Strength, etc. put it in and I'll try to keep them all straight.
bigybiz,
I too have an army of people praying for my situation with my wife and I. Heck, I even went as far as to download a prayer app so I can post my situation to have more people praying for me. The app is called prayer by praywithme. I also believe that prayer is the only way to get through a time like this. Praying for my wife's heart to be softened, praying for my strength and praying for reconciliation between us. I firmly believe that it was the absence of God that got us into this situation and only with God will we get out.
If you would pray for me I would be honored. And I will be praying for you and your wife too brother.
1 Thessalonians 5:17
Collin:
Thanks for trusting me. I'm in the same boat. I did not put God 1st and my wife 2nd. I chased other idols and now everything is broken.
This wake up call - has left me realizing what has gone wrong and all I have left is prayer.
I will pray for you and I appreciate your prayers for me.
Melo/ Wisdom and understanding. Thank you brother and I will pray for you as well!
Melo. Thanks its an honor to pray for you.
bigybiz,
my problem was i got real complacent and essentially was sleepwalking through both my faith and my marriage. i went to church, i listened to christian music, i did all the stuff on the exterior a christian should do. but, i still didn't have a relationship with christ. i didn't pray daily [sometimes the only praying i did was at church], i didn't read the bible at all. same with my marriage. i did stuff around the house, i told my wife i love her, but i didn't show her i loved her like i should've. i took advantage of the fact that she would always be here even if i was emotionally distant. i treated my marriage more like a part time job than a lifetime commitment.
looking back now, i see it, it's so clear. but at the time, i was blind to it all.
Collin: Your situation is very similar to mine. I had some issues of my own and my wife has some of her own too. Now it's not looking good. I'll pray for you guys. Does your wife have a relationship with Christ?
You know. There was a point in time where I would've said beyond any shadow of a doubt she did. I mean, she's the one who got me going back to church a few years back. Now, I'm not so sure. I think maybe she's sleepwalking her way through it as well and just doesn't realize it (like I was). I don't mean to say she's a bad person or anything. But, here lately, it just seems that other stuff takes precedence over going to church. Like, we foster dogs through a rescue. Seems that more times than not when people at church ask me where she is, I reply with "dog stuff."
Perhaps that's why we're in the situation we are in now.
Thanks - Let's hope a couple of extra prayers will turn things around for you two.
Collin and Melo. I'm just letting you know I've been keeping my word and praying for you both twice a day.
Bigybiz
Bigybiz, thank you so much for keeping me in your prayers. I really needed them today. I walked outside, sat on my porch and had a heart to heart with God. I asked him why was he doing this to me and had he forgotten about me? I basically felt like a spoiled child who wasn't getting his way and the answers he wanted so he goes and starts to question his parent. But isn't that who he is (our Holy father) and aren't we his children? Isn't that what he wants from us? To be able to go to him and be like: why? Why are you doing this? I know I will never understand your plan but for now I'm hurting. That's the beauty of having a father/son relationship with Christ is prayer is a open line of communication straight to Him. And that is something I am so thankful for. He is strong enough to bear my pain. I'm not.
bigybiz,
I love that you started this thread. I grew up in a very religious family and have had a great deal of challenges in my relationship with God, but when we arrive in situations such as ours it is amazing how this relationship becomes so much more clear.
Prayer is a wonderful and powerful thing to offer and share with others. Thank you for this and know that you are in my prayers as well and he will provide us strength to go through this.
bigybiz
You are in my prayers also. Along with everyone else on this thread. I pray we all heal and grow from our experiences.
Bigybiz this is such a lovely thread. The power of prayer is unbelievable. I have great faith, and although I can't understand why I'm going through this- I believe God is testing me. He has a plan for us all. I pray for strength for us all to come through this time. And I pray for a miracle that this will have a happy ending
I too have a community praying for me, but the power of prayer is in numbers! Please add me to your prayer list for strength & patience and that my W will find her happiness. I will pray for you and all those on this board.
I love to be added. Please pray for my wife and my family.
i believe in prayer. i believe in God and his love for us. i know he loves me and he sent his son to die for me. i've been a leader for the discovery weekend at church. it's where you help middle school kids grow in their relationship and faith. there was a kid there who's parents are going through a tough divorce and for whatever-unexcuseable-reason neither his mom or dad came to tonights prayer service. so, a bunch of the other parents and myself stepped up to be there for him. it was such an awesome feeling and i could truly feel God in the room. i can feel him in my living room now, as i'm typing this out, in tears.
but, dangit...if he loves me so, why is he letting me go through this? why does he want me to suffer and feel this hurt? i have learned my lesson. i know where i feel short. i know i became stagnant in both my relationship with him and my wife. we had a guest preacher come in a few months back (coincidentally enough, right when all this mess started) and during his sermon he said something that hit me square in between the eyes..."stagnation leads to separation".
i know he has plans for me. i know he loves me. a lot of people think that just because God is letting something happen to you, he doesn't love you. the thing is, he will allow you to suffer. that's when you go to him and say, "please, father, help...i can't do this on my own." and that's where i am now. i cannot do this on my own.
please. Father. help.
Wonderful thread.
God has plans for all of us. God also corrects those that he loves. He doesn't correct us all at the same time, so many of us here see His guiding hand in our life, but scream at Him, asking why he can't help our spouse to come around. It's all a grand ballet, we just are dancing now. Our spouses will dance another dance later.
What has gotten me through my sitch. is prayer. Daily communication with another Christian who is going through the same thing. Emotions of WW can lead them to very false rationalizations. That God wants them divorced, that God loves them and agrees with them, as they willingly break the covenant vows they made. I'm wearing my ring until the day of the divorce. My wife will find the ring in a box on her work desk that day. I refuse to take it off. I made a commitment.
I denied I had a pornography problem for 15 years. God allowed me to see and remove that plank from my eye in October. That plank did help to put a plank in my wife's eye. I witnessed to her, and so has our pastor and other church members. We have done what we needed to do, and now it's up to the Holy Spirit to work in my WW's heart.
Yes, our marriage will be over in a month. I do have feelings sometime that I'm a failure, since the marriage is over. However, we all fall short of the Glory of God. I need to chuck the block of wood I call 'Marriage' on the woodpile of all my other failures, light the match, and move on. That, my friends, is detachment, GAL'ing, and realizing you have a future that is not yet written by yourself, but God sees a beautiful future in you. He already wrote it. The hardships we experience now build perseverance, and with perseverance, hope.
SadHub: Thanks for your post. I will add you to the list of people I'm praying for.
JimKao - It would be an honour to receive prayers from you. I will keep my pledge and pray for you and everyone else who asks twice a day.
Cherry, I'm so glad that you have great faith. I will pray for strength for you. I think we can all agree that God does test us and nobody understands why. When I asked my Pastor why - He told me that once we fully trust Him and are willing to let His spirit fill us, shape us and change us - God will provide us with more happiness than we could have imagined. Very hard to believe when many of us feel so bad - but it certainly makes sense.
PacLove: I will pray for you twice a day.
Jb9140 - Happy to pray for you and the family
Collin: Many of us feel the same way you do. We don't know why God let's things like this happen and we don't know how our free will intersects with God's plan for us. It's very trying and isolating.
Twice a day and I pray that your W heart will soften I will continue to do that.
Thank you for sharing your story with us Trumpet. That was very brave. I can add you to the list of people I pray for every day.
Thank you so much for the prayers. I appreciate any extra prayers for my strength and patience and that God willing, one day my h's heart will soften. Prayers for you all.
I am preparing to head to church this morning and will have a prayer in my heart for all here that are in the situation working tirelessly to maintain and bring their families peace.
May God bless each of you this fine day.
Hello everyone. I continue to pray for each of you twice a day. I hope there is some comfort in that. I wanted to pass on part of a note my cousin shared with me.
"What we should do is pray scripture but also boldly resist the devil and declare victory over him...some verses that I wanted to pass on to you: 2 Thess 3:3, James 4:7 and Isiah 43:1-2."
I have been asking God to protect my W from bad influences, etc. I was feeling very anxious about that last weekend and I realized that I was not letting God do his job.
So I declared victory over those feeling of anxiety etc. Everyday, I ask God to protect her (and those who are are praying for us too). My anxiety was counter to my Faith.
You might find that it works for you - you might not. But, I thought I'd share it with you all.
Love the prayers bigybiz!
Prayers are being heard and answered. I want to let each of you know that one item I have been praying for twice a day appears to be answered. It is a small item and we are no closer to healing, forgiveness and reconciliation but I feel confident that this prayer has been answered.
I have a notebook which is a prayer journal - or could be interpreted as a laundry list of prayers. Some small, some large and as I think of things, I add to them. I do feel a whole lot better.
For all of us who are praying for a miracle - keep praying. I continue to pray for each of you.
Thanks for starting this thread bigybiz. Please add my family to your list and that the Holy Spirit reaches my W's heart and that also He gives me the strength to accept His will regardless of what comes my way.
I'll also pray when I can for you and Collin, Melo, SadHum, JimKao, Cherry, PacLove, JB9140, trumpet and iwad.
Also a thanksgiving for all those who have faith and share in and giveback to this community.
bigybiz,
i just want you to know. i really enjoy getting on here and reading what you post. thank you for all you do. just know it is truly appreciated by myself and all of us on here.
Hello Prayer Partners.
From a few online videos I was turned on to a book/devotion called The Love Dare. It was made famous in a Christian movie called FireProof.
The book has 40 days of scripture, devotions and challenges aka dares that will help build love in a person and hopefully the couple. I'm into day 4 and I've found it to be challenging, interesting and I'm not sure if it's rewarding.
WARNING - the steps/dares will/may conflict with some of the techniques, strategies, etc that MWD teaches in DB,DR. But, it could be helpful/interesting.
I'm not recommending how it could or could not work - just that some of the explanations of love etc could be meaningful and inspiring.
https://www.amazon.ca/s/?ie=UTF8&key...sl_37t5iscy95_b
bigybiz,
great news about a potential answered prayer. One of my problems is, I've always wanted things to be resolved NOW on MY time. In thinking like that I am not putting my faith/trust in God that he will resolve it and his time frame does not necessarily correlate with mine.
I logged everyones name in this group into a list on Google Keep (a note taking app) and set a reminder for 815am (on my way into work) so every morning I get a reminder to pray. Everyone has their own methods, but I just wanted to share mine.
The good thing about that app is I went an copied and pasted the DB steps and whenever I feel like I'm about to break them I go read them. It's really handy having it right there on my phone.
Thanks again..
Collin thanks for sharing your methods. It's great when we can use the technology for "higher purposes"
Yes, God's timing is something we all struggle with. We all want a solution now - but it seems that we always have to wait. My devotional the other day talked about how God puts us in the desert to learn/grow, etc. We are reminded that Paul was in the desert for 3 years, Joseph for 13 and Moses for 40.
Let's hope we will all see His grace soon.
Thanks for praying for us.
Hey prayer partners. I wanted to share some recent answers to my prayers. These are small prayer request and by no means an indication that healing and forgiveness has come to our home. These are still answers to my prayers and I'm sure that they are a result of the collective prayers from everyone.
Here they are:
1) I wanted to my eldest to move back home - done
2) I wanted to build a better relationship with my youngest - he pushes everybody's buttons - its so much better. A much healthier father/son relationship. I'm sure my W see's the difference between us.
3) I asked for opportunities to talk with W about family, sharing, etc. - Over the past two weeks we have spoken most days in a very adult manner. Sometimes about our relationship, most of the time about the house, kids, $. - This is answer to prayer and I continue to pray that we will come together in a positive way.
So there you have it - some of my prayers are being answered. I'm sure some of yours will be too.
This is an inspiring post. I try to remind myself daily that this is not on my schedule, it is on God's. When I get angry or upset, I remind myself that god loves my WW the same as he love me. If you pray for me, pray that the lord shields my children from the chaos that surrounds them. Pray that i have patience and the strength to have the endurance for what has been laid before me. I will pray the same for you all.
I like the idea of sharing bible versus that inspire you. Let us also share the lords word as we share our prayers. Let us pray for the ones who have hurt us most, for the ones that we love. I like this site because I belive that many of its principles are founded on compassion, grace, forgiveness, and so many other godly principles.
Here is my verse for the day. Luke 23:34
THIS ONE sums up this thread James 5:16
I was complacent, not a godly leader of my family. i was guilty of not showing my WW love in the way that our father loves us. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
God bless you all!
Bigybiz
Thank you for sharing. In church today I learned how important it is to pay attention as miracles are happening all around us. Often times they are found in the small things right in front of us.
You have recognized answers to prayers, and that my friend is the truest examples of miracles.
I love this thread and want to see it continue.
This thread will continue as long as there are people who want it.
Yes. We've got to make sure this post survives. Like my favorite song in church goes, "everyone needs compassion, a love that's never-ending..." (Mighty To Save). That is true, now more than ever, at this point in our lives.
I have been to counselling and read and am reading every self help book, I have two jobs and trying my best to keep it together. Wife does not wear her ring and , I was embarrassed the other night that my son heard me crying on the couch and I sent him back to bed. I barely made it to work today, and constantly wonder what my wife is thinking or doing. She said she wants a divorce and I have not tried prayer but am willing anything.She also sends me mixed messages sometimes when she is feeling up. And then its back to the same, mind my business, she is not a "teenager". I will take any prayer I may get, to get faith back. Thank you.
M:36 W:34
Marr:10yrs
D:11
D:7
In Home S/Sleep on the couch.
Wife wants to move out in October 16
I have been to counselling and read and am reading every self help book, I have two jobs and trying my best to keep it together. Wife does not wear her ring and , I was embarrassed the other night that my son heard me crying on the couch and I sent him back to bed. I barely made it to work today, and constantly wonder what my wife is thinking or doing. She said she wants a divorce and I have not tried prayer but am willing anything.She also sends me mixed messages sometimes when she is feeling up. And then its back to the same, mind my business, she is not a "teenager". I will take any prayer I may get, to get faith back. Thank you.
M:36 W:34
Marr:10yrs
D:11
D:7
In Home S/Sleep on the couch.
Wife wants to move out in October 16
champJ I could suggest you start your own thread so we can offer you some personal support.
You are not alone!
ChampJ,
As Cadet said, I would definitely start your own thread. But just know, that we will be praying for you. May I recommend looking on Netflix for Andy Stanley's "Starting Over". It's a 4 part series, all are short and Andy does a good job of making it relate-able and entertaining (you don't feel like you're being preached at). You may find it beneficial.
ChampJ:
I would be honored to pray for you. As I said in my first post - I'm not a clergy or a scholar or have any more answers than you. I'm just a guy who has benefited from an army of people praying for me. In this time of isolation, I certainly hope there is some comfort knowing that there is someone who empathizes with you and is praying for you to be at peace and whole (again).
bigybiz,
i think you're selling yourself short. i am truly grateful for you and for this post. you have helped my prayer life more than you know. thanks to you i created my prayer list and i do pray for you and everyone on here every morning.
my wife and i had our first MC session today. she is agreeing to go back. that is definitely a blessing. please continue to be in prayer for us.
just for clarification...she is agreeing to go back to MC. Definitely don't want to overplay my hand right now. I'm grateful for what I've got. Just taking baby steps and chipping away.
Collin:
That is good news. Any step is reason for rejoicing (sometimes even a backward step can produce positive results - I can share some examples on my own thread if you like).
The very fact that you two will be in a room together with the opportunity to interact is fantastic. It sounds like both of your hearts are opening up. This is a reason for thanksgiving and we need to remember that God will not light up the whole path for us - he will only light the next step.
We need to make sure we share with our prayer partners this kind of good news. God is working in each of our lives - we need to:
Thank Him for all he does to us including the trials
Put our complete trust in Him
Ask Him to protect our Spouses and families in this time
Ask Him to fill us with his good works and spirit to change us into the kind of people he wants us to be and the kind of partners our spouses need - not want.
I'll keep an eye on your thread for updates. Until then you can count on prayers from me.
I have a prayer in my heart for all in these forums, that need strength to move through the challenges they face. I pray they may have peace in the hearts so that they may have hope for their family and the future that it holds.
Good morning,
I have a special prayer in my heart this morning for sweet V. I have read her post this morning and my heart aches as I see she is having a down moment today.
She provides so much support and care for many of us in our dark moments.
This morning I pray that she may have peace and be blessed with the strength as she feels the pain from her experiences, and heal and be forever stronger for what she has endured.
I must say I really need to be thankful. I spent some time today ready a few other people's posts today and I realize how lucky I have it. I read many stories of people who are struggling with affairs, long distances, interfering relatives, blood thirsty lawyers, etc, etc.
My W and I are not at each other's throats. We spend time together as family and have a very nice time. We eat most family meals together and we do not have any real/scary fights. The only real tension is about money and our past hurts. And we have not been to see lawyers. The inhouse Sep was at first torture and now it's quite calm. I do think her detachment and my increased confidence has really been the formula. And for me quite hopeful.
I need to say right here - my increased confidence is not because of anything I've done. It's totally because of my asking God to change and shape me.
For a couple of days I had some setback and reverted to some bad behavior. It's because I went from confident to arrogant. I kicked God out of the drivers seat and thought I knew better.
I've asked God to forgive me for that and I have recommitted myself to following his path - wherever it takes my, my children and my W.
Thanks prayer partners for being there for me.
Please continue to pray for me. The past few days have been rough emotionally. I need strength to get through this and also understanding/empathy, I need to be able to look at this from my W's POV and not only from my emotionally skewed perspective.
Collin: I continue to pray for you (in fact I just did right now). I empathize with how you feel. When we are mired in hurt it's very hard to look at it from our spouses point of view. We want to cry out and say but "I'm hurting too" or "look what you did to me", etc. There is no easy way for doing this. I have tried to pray before I speak to my W and during. I pray to honor this convo and to help me truly listen. I have noticed that the times I do not pray before, during or after. The conversations don't go so well.
Please rest on God - ask Him to change you. I've recently started to ask God to make me into the kind of Man/Husband my wife needs (not the one she wants).
Perhaps if we trust that God will provide us with a greater future than we could imagine - if we trust and obey Him.
It's not easy, but I have faith in you.
Collin: I continue to pray for you (in fact I just did right now). I empathize with how you feel. When we are mired in hurt it's very hard to look at it from our spouses point of view. We want to cry out and say but "I'm hurting too" or "look what you did to me", etc. There is no easy way for doing this. I have tried to pray before I speak to my W and during. I pray to honor this convo and to help me truly listen. I have noticed that the times I do not pray before, during or after. The conversations don't go so well.
Please rest on God - ask Him to change you. I've recently started to ask God to make me into the kind of Man/Husband my wife needs (not the one she wants).
Perhaps if we trust that God will provide us with a greater future than we could imagine - if we trust and obey Him.
It's not easy, but I have faith in you.
AMEN to this.
Thanks bigybiz for this thread and your sincere prayers
I understand that metalcore/screamo music is not for everybody. But, for me, when I get down, nothing beats a good aggressive song.
I've heard this song a million times, but this time I was listening to it and I had to just stop what I was doing so I could wrap myself in the lyrics. It perfectly sums up my past few days and I wanted to share it with ya'll. In hopes that maybe it'll help someone, someday get through a situation and give them a reminder that through it all God is with us.
The entire song is amazing, but this lyric is the one that hit me:
Artist: Haste the Day/Song: Travesty
As I am met with travesty,
and I am broken and I am empty.
And through it all I can see your face.
With words unspoken
I hear your voice and
I see the hand, The hand that writes it all.
As the end of a bizarre week come to a close and the beginning of a new week commences, I wanted to share a prayer.
I pray for those of us that believe in the sanctity and value of the MR and family unit, that we may learn from our mistakes, that we can grow from what we learn, and that we can become the man/woman that we should be, to provide the service of a loving, outstanding partner and spouse. I pray that the fog that surrounds the WAS/WS may thin enough for them to see what can be if both partners are willing to put in the effort and love.
I pray for the children of the families that are going through the challenges, that they may have the comfort of loving parents, the strength from angels, and peace from God. They are not the reason for these challenges, and should not bare the scars that it can cause.
I pray for all on these forums that you have the strength to endure, the acceptance of what may be, and the belief that you will be better regardless due to the things you learn and act upon to be a better person, partner and parent.
These things I pray this morning.
Amen
I pray for the children of the families that are going through the challenges, that they may have the comfort of loving parents, the strength from angels, and peace from God. They are not the reason for these challenges, and should not bare the scars that it can cause.
SadHub,
Just read your post and as soon as I read this part I broke down and cried. No child deserves to have a mother and father split up.
I pray that those mothers and fathers find their way back to each other for the sake of the children to become one family again.
Amen
Thanks for the prayers gentlemen.
Sometimes I think God speaks to us in the most random of times and places.
I had my headphones on at work, then all of a sudden TobyMac comes on talking about Ephesians 6:19:
"Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel"
To me that is so appropriate for what we are going through. I think we need to pray for each other so when we speak (to our (ex)-spouses) let the words we say profess to them that we are firmly rooted in the gospel.
Everyone here is in my prayers, as I did so last night. MR is a promise that you make to one another and I pray our spouses do not lose sight of those words spoken. Feeling low so appreciate the support.
Jzmill: Thanks for your insightful words and your prayers. I'm sorry that you've had to join this group, I hope that you find some comfort in knowing there is a small group praying for you.
Sorry to find you and others here as well. Any guidance you all can give me on my sitc/posts would be helpful..yes It is comforting during this painful time thank you.
Today I pray for all the families going through challenges of maintaing the family unit.
I pray that strength and hope can be found for the partners in MR, to fight through the challenges and come together and rekindle the love that was once there.
And for the partnerships that dissolve because there is only one willing partner, I pray that the healing process may be swift so that a bright new future can begin.
I pray for the children that are affected. That both parents may find a stable ground to provide the love a child deserves. If both, can not, then I pray that one parent can find the strength, energy and ability to step up and provide what is needed for the child to believe that love can be experienced even if not in the ideal situation.
May God bless each of you this day, and may each of you recognize the blessing that he provides.
Hello all. I was feeling a little down so I googled devotion for troubled marriages. This popped up and it resonated with me instantly. Please have a read - I hope you find some comfort in it.
"Why is God taking so long to heal my marriage?" I am reminded me of the story of Lazarus in the Gospel of John, Chapter 11. Jesus performed many miracles, including raising several people from the dead. In spite of this, people still did not believe that He was the Son of God. Jesus loved Lazarus yet He did not immediately go to his side when informed of his sickness. Jesus let Lazarus die and remain in the grave for four days. In the past, people excused the miraculous healings of Jesus by saying the person was just sleeping and not dead. Jesus removed all doubt in His ability to heal by raising Lazarus from the dead after four days. Many people believed because they witnessed this event. God chose to glorify His Son by delaying the miracle.
I cannot answer why God is taking so long to heal your marriage. Ask God to give you an answer to your question. I believe that the story of Lazarus provides an insight as to why God sometimes delays answers to prayers, "so that God’s Son may be glorified through it." God is in the marriage healing business. Quick solutions to family problems do nothing to convince individuals that God is behind the healing. Only when a marriage is declared dead in the world’s eyes, buried, and kept in the ground until "by this time there is a bad odor" (Jn 11:39), that God’s healing will be recognized by an unbelieving world. Your prolonged suffering and pain will bring glory to God when the ultimate healing takes place.
By looking at your marital problems through this perspective, your stand takes on a whole new meaning. You are partners with God in bringing many to believe in Him. This is not about broken relationships and hurt feelings. This is about advancing the Kingdom of God. God is using your situation to show those around you His power in healing families. He has taken what Satan has meant for harm and turned it into His ultimate good (Rom 8:28).
Your task in this time of waiting is to believe that God is able to do what He says He will do. You need to walk in faith and believe in His power to heal relationships. You need to be obedient to God and His Word, standing firm for your marriage.
"Then Jesus said, ‘Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?’" John 11:40
Yes, you will see the glory of God in the healing of your marriage. Patiently wait for the Lord to act on your behalf. Spend this time apart from your spouse to grow closer to the Lord through daily prayer and Scripture reading. Ask the Lord to change you into the spouse that He would have you to be and that your spouse needs and desires. Pray also for other standers that their marriages will be healed. Being alone affords you the time to develop a closer relationship with Jesus. Cherish these moments. Offer your suffering up for the glory of God. He will surely bless your obedience.
"But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in his wings." Malachi 4:2
God heals marriages! Be encouraged to know that your sharing in the sufferings of Christ on the cross will bless many as they come to believe in Him. Never give up the fight for your family.
"For he himself in our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility." Ephesians 2:14
Thank you bigybiz for sharing this. Very powerful message, and one rhat reminds us there is work to do and faith to maintain.
Guys, I stumbled across a quote on prayer from evangelist R.A. Torrey:
"The reason why many fail in battle is because they wait until the hour of battle. The reason why others succeed is because they have gained their victory on their knees long before the battle came ... Anticipate your battles; fight them on your knees before temptation comes, and you will always have victory."
Awesome... also check out St. Monica (google her) I've been asking her to intercede on my behalf...
I would like to say a praise and also ask for prayer.
Praise: my wife and I have a MC session scheduled for Tues. June 7, between 6-8pm.
Prayer: I know it's a long ways down the road, but if you think about it, during that time could you please say a prayer for us? Also, if you would, say a prayer for the counselor. He is going to play a vital role in how things progress in the future. He's a Christian based counselor so I know everything will be centered around Christ.
Thanks!
Collin: You are being prayed for everyday by people on this thread. I will note down your MC session date for my own prayers.
Perhaps we as a group should remember to pray for all of those "professionals" helping us with our struggles i.e. Counselors, Pastors, Dr's, Lawyers, Mediators, etc. This group has an exceptional amount of influence on what happens in our lives, families, etc. We should remember to be thankful they are there and to give them wisdom from God to help us.
Hello:
I recently discovered a website that has some great Christ focused resources for those in a marriage crisis. The site is
https://www.rejoiceministries.org/I've enjoyed the devotions.
I've been keeping my word and praying for all of you. I hope there is some comfort in that.
Coolhand: I would like to joining with a pray for you all!
Blueboy: It would be an honor to pray for you.
Continue to have you all in my thoughts. I have been real down lately hoping somehow for a turn around. None of us should be going through this.
Tonight we are doing our 2 hour MC session. It starts at 6. Please pray for us. Thank you for all the prayers.
Collin: I wanted to let you know that I have already been praying for you this afternoon. I will continue to pray for you.
Perhaps you are familiar already with this but wanted to pass along a series listening to. It is the "Rejoice Ministries fight for your marriage podcasts."
Charlyne and Bob pull scripture and use examples from their own dark season.
Thought could be comforting for some.
Jzmill: Thanks so much for sharing.
I recently found that website myself. I've been doing the Men's standing firm devotional. The messages themselves are good. I've not listened to the podcasts yet.
I continue to pray for you daily. I hope there is some comfort in that.
That is good that you have come across it. The podcasts themselves are good company on walks. I appreciate the prayers, it is comforting. I pray for you as well.
Today I read this devotional and it really hits home the idea of patience and obedience. Many of us want our marital problems fixed now and we wonder why God is taking so long to give us what we want. Considering we are doing everything God wants us to do i.e. repenting, forgiving, being faithful, worshiping, obeying, etc.
There are some days when we feel God is working and some days when we feel we are on our own. This devotional/passage is a great reminder that God is working way out of our sight and way inside our spouse heart.
The Israelites, under Joshua, had come to the Jordan River at flood stage and it was impassable. They didn’t know what to do, but God had the solution. This is what He told Joshua to do:
“Behold, the ark of the covenant of the Lord of all the earth is crossing over ahead of you into the Jordan. Now then, take for yourselves twelve men from the tribes of Israel, one man for each tribe. It shall come about when the soles of the feet of the priests who carry the ark of the Lord, the Lord of all the earth, rest in the waters of the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan will be cut off, and the waters which are flowing down from above will stand in one heap.” Joshua 3:11-13 (NASB)
Basically God said, “Here’s what I want you to do. I want the priests to carry the Ark of the Lord into the water, accompanied by the leaders, and just stand still in the water and wait.” And while they stood there it says that God stopped up the water.
When I’ve heard this story in the past I’ve always assumed that God did just what He did at the Red Sea and stopped the water right where they stood. However, that is not what happened. Reading farther in the chapter, we see that God did stand up the waters, but it happened eleven miles upstream at Adam. So they didn’t see the change right away. They had to stand and wait, and while they were waiting they didn’t know what God was doing.
So here we are standing for our marriage with no clue of what God is doing. Yet we know from this story that standing still is what He wants us to do.
This is an amazing story because it shows us what God often does. We do what He says, we obey Him, but we still don’t see anything, no evidence that He is working. Of course, He IS working. It’s just eleven miles upstream, beyond our purview! Even if we don’t see it, God has already done something upstream and it isn’t going to be long now until you and I see the evidence that He has.
When the waters were raging (like they often are in our lives) God told the Israelites that if they would stand still and wait, then He would do what He said…and He did! He will do no less for anyone who will faithfully do His will.
Isn’t that a totally awesome story! I’ve heard it a lot of times, but I never saw this before. God had to have done what He did at the Jordan just for those of us who are standing for our families. As a matter of fact, I believe God did it just for you and me…for such a time as this.
Still waiting with your feet in the water? Your miracle is still upstream, just around the bend in the river.
Glad you shared that with us bigy. It is an awesome story and your takeaway message is as well. It is a comforting message to keep in mind as we go through this.
Was thinking about the "standing still" part of the message. Wanted to check with you guys on your thoughts about when we talk to God and ask for him to speak to us on something.
I know he is listening but do we not hear the answer/see sign bc it is not time to receive yet? Do you think some techniques we implement, God may not want us to do towards spouse (detaching)?
Jzmill: Thank you for bring up this very point. I don't know. I wish I did.
I do know we often scream at God and he whispers back.
I do know that God's timing and our timing are not the same
I do know that God created marriage and mankind has created S & D. Because of man's desire to be sinful and breakaway from God we are left with a variety of feelings, etc to deal with in our relationships.
So you may be following/Obeying God by being faithful and loving to your spouse and you will be rewarded for that. That reward may not come while you are on this earth - Yes that really [censored] to hear.
Your spouse may be following the ways of the world and will reject the love and commitment you have pledged and whatever happens is between them and God.
Yes, some of the techniques we use could be not what Jesus would do. Somethings would be OK. The hard part is to trust that God will take care of us no matter what.
I do believe that God would want us to be protected from bad thoughts, ideas and actions. So if detaching yourself is a way of not letting in bad thoughts, ideas, etc. Then God would be fine with that. The other side of the equation is we need to focus on God first.
All very easy to say - very hard to do.
Was thinking about the "standing still" part of the message. Wanted to check with you guys on your thoughts about when we talk to God and ask for him to speak to us on something.
I know he is listening but do we not hear the answer/see sign bc it is not time to receive yet? Do you think some techniques we implement, God may not want us to do towards spouse (detaching)?
I hope you don't mind me weighing in on this question Jzmill.
If I understand your question you are asking if detaching is a technique that God may not want us to implement?
Please read this from cadets homework to all of us before proceeding with my musings below.
Detachment
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414IMHO, detaching is very important in the teaching of the Bible. God loves us unconditionally, yet is detached from each of us.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that everyone who believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
17For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.
God sent his son to us and let him be crucified so that we could be saved. Yet, he allows us the freedom to make our own choice.
I perceive that so many LBS in this community do not understand what detachment is. The homework cadet shares explains it very clearly. Yet many still think it means just giving up and not loving their S.
Why is this?
Maybe it is the definition of the word that confuses many here.
To disengage. It has many other meanings and many seem to indicate not connecting with another.
I can see that.
But then I challenge that everyone review cadets homework and Google livestrong detachment.
This will explain that healthy relationships require detachment.
It allows for 2 individuals to function as complete persons and then in turn they can better support each other.
One might argue that many of us are in the situations we are in due to unhealthy emotional attachments.
So my challenge is to look at this info as what is needed more so than the word itself.
So, my conclusion and IMHO are that biblical teachings are such that detachment is not only good, but a requirement to follow Gods teachings and words.
Also healthy habits for detachment are paramount for LBS as well as for individuals in healthy relationships.
And my friend bigy knows that I am hardcore when it comes to preaching detachment and working on it myself as I know it will help us not only in our current situations, but with future relationships as well.
Just my 2c.
Collin et al. It's my turn to ask for prayer.
A minor development has happened - W and I will be seeing a marriage and family therapist on Friday morning- please pray for us. I had started family therapy with the kids, She wanted no part of it. The Dr told us that it we can only do so much without W. S15 relayed that to her. W attended two sessions. When I asked her if we should see the Dr independently W agreed. It's only one session - but it could be God working.
Please pray for us Friday morning 7:50 am
Hello:
In my devotional this morning, I was delivered a "hard truth". As I personally struggle with what I can do to ... it's important to me that I have to remember what I should be focused on.
Read the excerpt below - I hope it means as much to you as it meant to me this morning.
When we get our lives re-centered upon Jesus Christ, understanding that He is the bedrock upon which a Godly marriage is built, then marriage reconciliation can and will occur. Not only does He need to be in our lives when you and I reconcile with our beloved spouses, but Jesus needs to remain a permanent partner in that marriage, being at the center of our family life. Our priorities are as follows:
1) Jesus Christ
2) Spouse
3) Children
4) Other family members
5) Church family
6) Our neighbors and friends both near and far, and finally
7) Our job is basically at the bottom of the list
If we keep these priorities in order, then we will find life is good, God will send His blessings. Our life outside our immediate family will fall into place and in one way or another as we bring glory to our Heavenly Father.
It's been a while since I put up my initial post (March 10, 2016)- so I thought I'd repost it - to keep it fresh etc.
I was quite moved by a post I saw. Someone stated that they were not doing well and had even given up on prayer.
I can tell you that one of the only things that is keeping me going is: I have an army of people praying for healing and forgiveness between my Wife and I.
I know it is not much - but I would be honored to pray for anyone out there. I'm not a clergy or a scholar or have any more answers than you. I can't promise any results - but I can pray for you.
If you would like me to pray for just reply with your username/handle. If you want to give a specific prayer request i.e. Healing, Strength, etc. put it in and I'll try to keep them all straight
Update - So far the list is about 20 DB members who receive prayer from me and others on a regular basis.
Hey Bigybiz,
I've been kind of quiet on here because I haven't really had any news to post. But how did counseling go?
We went once and I thought it was really positive, but now W doesn't seem to want to go back. I don't know if she's scared of hearing that I am hurting or what.
I need to be more active on these posts. I need the support. I do pray for everyone on here by name every morning. I know I'm slipping and falling into despair due to the unknown future. When this all first began I felt like I had a direction. Now, I just feel lost. I guess what I'm saying is, can you please pray for guidance for me? For me to find my direction and take it?
Collin:
Months ago you asked me to pray that your W heart would soften. As I promised I have been doing that. I will certainly add that you need God to show you the direction to take.
I'm sorry to hear that your W quite MC. We have the same story - after 2 sessions she cancelled it. She did not want to face the issues we were discussing. I truly think it's because she wants to blame me for everything and if we actually get into them with the Dr - she will have to face the fact that she is to blame too.
I pray that we will return to MC.
Thanks for your post. I will continue to pray for you and all others.
I truly think it's because she wants to blame me for everything and if we actually get into them with the Dr - she will have to face the fact that she is to blame too.
I believe you just hit the nail on the head.
bigybiz, you kindly before prayed for my h's heart to soften and find his way back to the m. I ask if you could please do so again. More than ever i pray for my h to come back. I have since found myself pregnant with our second child and he is still saying that he wants out.
Cherry: Months ago you asked me to pray for strength you and for a miracle. I have been praying for you everyday. Yes, I will add for your husband's heart to soften, to my daily prayers.
My heart aches for you. If it's OK I'd like to pray for you and your unborn baby too.
Thank you bigybiz. I appreciate the prayers. And I would very much appreciate prayers for my unborn baby. Although the situation is not ideal, to me, this is a very wanted child. After a critical illness 7 years ago, I was l told there was a chance I would never have children. So to me, my babies are an absolute blessing from God.
In one of my recent daily devotions this story was presented. I read it and a light went on for me. I hope any who read it also will get something from it.
Just Push
A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So this is what the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, pushing with all of his might against the seemingly immovable rock. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Sensing his weariness, Satan began placing thoughts into his mind: “You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn’t moved. You are wasting your time.” The man became discouraged, thinking that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.
The man thought, “All this work is getting me nowhere. I’ll just put in my time, giving the minimum effort and that will be good enough.” And that is what he did until one day he decided to take this matter to the Lord in prayer. “Lord,” he said, “I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?”
The Lord responded compassionately, “My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. Now you come to Me tired and despaired, thinking that you have failed. Is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms and shoulders are strong and muscled, your back brawny and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure and your legs have become massive and hard. Through resistance you have grown strong without realizing the transformation in yourself. Yet you have not moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient, to push against the rock in faith, trusting in My wisdom that what I have asked you to do is for your benefit.
“You have done well, my Son. Now I will move the rock.”
Author Unknown
Wow, that's a great story. I agree, a light definitely went off when I read that as well. We are all pushing against a rock on a daily basis, working on improving ourselves whether we realize it or not, we get frustrated with the situations we are all in, and we have to keep pushing the rock day after day to become the people we are supposed to be.
Our spouses may never move, they may never return to the person we fell in love with, but it definitely won't happen if we don't keep pushing that rock.
Thanks so much bigybiz, this definitely resonated with me and reminds me that I am doing the right things every day despite moments of frustration and feelings of despair!
I've been "following" someone on a faith based site about marriage restoration. The author stood for his marriage for 8 years including a divorce before he and his wife got remarried. He gets my respect.
This week's devotion really struck me. One of the downfalls of my MR is my W and I were sexually active before we were married, even though we would call ourselves Christians. We conceived our D20 and the rocky road began.
Even if premarital sex was not an issue for you and your S, I think the following reading and passages could speak to many of us. It's a little long, but I'm sure you will get something from it.
As I always, I continue to pray for anyone who would want me to pray for them. Everyday I pray for over 20 DBer's and would be happy to do it for you. Just let me know.
THE WISE AND FOOLISH BUILDERS
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” Matthew 7:24-27
I was a very foolish man. I built my marriage on a foundation of shifting sand. I did what I thought was good for my marriage; what society said was good for my marriage. I never consulted God for His wisdom concerning my marriage. When storms came this weak foundation was washed away like a sand castle by a rising tide. The marriage and family I had built came crashing down.
During our courtship, I foolishly opened the door to Satan by acting in an unchaste manner with my future spouse. I acted selfishly and not lovingly. If I had truly loved my future wife, I would have followed God’s plan and saved sexual intimacy for the marriage bed. As the man, my job was to protect my future wife. Like Adam in the Garden of Eden, I failed to protect her from the schemes of the Evil One to destroy that which is holy in the eyes of God. I was deceived and fell for the lie.
Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight. Isaiah 5:20-21
Sin has consequences. Since I failed to protect the dignity of my future wife, a seed of mistrust was sown in our relationship. My wife could never trust me fully to cherish and protect her. Satan used this to drive a wedge in our relationship. Satan is a liar who twisted God’s beautiful gift of spousal unity into the very thing that would ultimately destroy our marriage. I thought I was so wise but I fell for the lie.
It took many years in my faith journey to make the connection between my actions and the failure of my marriage. When my marriage failed, I did everything in my power to bring it back to life. I was still living in my own wisdom. Finally, after all of my attempts had failed and I had nowhere else to turn, I cried out to God to help me in my distress.
“In my distress I called to the Lord; I called out to my God. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came to his ears...He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” 2 Samuel 22:7, 17-20
God spoke to me in my distress, “Listen to me and I will give you wisdom. Seek me with all your heart. Spend time getting to know me. I have given you Sacred Scripture as my love letter to you. Read it, take it to heart and obey what I tell you. It is the fount of life. Seek me first and I will give you the desires of your heart.”
“Pay attention... and listen to me; be silent, and I will speak.” Job 33:31
I poured over God’s Word. Encouragement and wisdom leapt from the page, giving me strength to fight for my marriage and family. God convicted me of my wrong doing and I repented of my sins. He showed me how to love my wife in a new and vibrant way, imitating Christ’s love for His bride, the Church (Eph 5:25-31). Like Paul’s conversion on the road to Damascus, the scales were removed from my eyes. I could see the beauty, goodness and truth of God’s plan for marriage. I pleaded with God to give me another chance to live out my marriage according to His plan.
To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness... Ecclesiastes 2:26
I committed my life to Jesus and to walking in obedience to everything God commanded in His Word. I met Jesus in the desert of divorce. He was like an oasis, refreshing my soul for the journey ahead. I thank and praise God for not giving up on me in my sin. In due time, God did give me the desires of my heart and brought my wife home. She too met Jesus in our divorce and God gave her a new heart on fire with love for Him and His ways.
For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:14-21
Our God is a God of reconciliation. Jesus came into the world to give us “life to the full” (cf. John 10:10). Once I abandoned my life of sin and self-sufficiency and gave my life totally to Christ, God was able to work miracles in my marriage. If you are still holding on to self-sufficiency, let go and give control of your life to God. He loves you and knows what you need. Trust Him to work things out for you in due time. His plans far exceed anything you could dream or imagine.
May the Lord God draw your heart to himself, that you may follow him in everything. Amen. (cf. 1 Kings 8:58)
In my Bible reading today was a passage that really stuck me and I'd like to share it with anyone who is interested. For me this passage really sums up the approach I need to take to my MR. I so want to her to admit she was as much in the wrong as I was, embarrass her and/or prove I'm right.
That's not the right way to work with anyone - I need to remember that.
Take the verse below to heart.
Proverbs 25 v. 15
Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.
It's been a while since I refreshed my offer - so here is my original post. There are about 20 members of this forum I pray for regularly. Some have not posted in months, I continue to pray for them.
This week being Easter could be especially hard for many of us. Families gather and we could be feeling alone,missing our spouse, be stressed about money, etc.
I thought it was a good time to offer prayer again.
BigyBiz
I was quite moved by a post I saw. Someone stated that they were not doing well and had even given up on prayer.
I can tell you that one of the only things that is keeping me going is: I have an army of people praying for healing and forgiveness between my Wife and I.
I know it is not much - but I would be honored to pray for anyone out there. I'm not a clergy or a scholar or have any more answers than you. I can't promise any results - but I can pray for you.
If you would like me to pray for just reply with your username/handle. If you want to give a specific prayer request i.e. Healing, Strength, etc. put it in and I'll try to keep them all straight.
Im always looking for a prayer, Bigybiz. Thank you.
I just watched the movie War Room. Very inspirational. Watch it if you can.
Loved this thread so bumping up. Please may I be added to any prayer lists.
I watched War Room and really enjoyed it.
If only life were like a movie! We would know a happy ending would be in sight...
2016sux
Yes, I will add you to the list of prayer partners. I'm sorry I'm not up on your sitch, I'll try and catch up.
The War room really helped me. I understand the creators also made a film called Fireproof - with similar themes. It's supposed to be as good.