Not sure how to link old thread. Could one of you tech savvy folks kindly help me out with this?
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2626909#Post2626909
Thank you for adding the link.
Wow, I have been writing down a timeline for the last month at the request of my IC and have been astounded by the memories that have come flooding back in. I grew up in a broken family where my parents were D when I was around 4 years old. My brother is 18 months younger than me. We bounced around between mom and grandma for a couple of years and dad was out of the picture at the time. I still don't know the whole story behind the D and probably never will. We moved around quite a few times and mom got remarried when I was 6. She had another boy by her new husband and we moved from The Midwest to SE Texas when he was just a baby. We were only in our new environment for a couple of months when moms new husband began physical abuse. He would get drunk and hit her and yell at us. This continues for a few months until my uncle got involved and beat the tar out of this a$$hole. Uncle dragged his sorry a$$ all the way to the bus station and we never heard from him again.
Needless to say mom was stuck in a new town with no money and three little boys to care for. We went from apartment to apartment and school to school for the next 2-3 years. It was hard on her and tough for us too. At some point she called my dad and asked him to take me, my brother and half brother. He agreed and drove 1200 miles to pick us up. When he arrived I didn't even recognize him as we hadn't seen him since I was 4 and brother was a toddler. He had never even seen half brother. He took us back to our hometown.
We lived in another apartment there for several months where dad was the complex maintenance man and the apartment was rent free. One day we were At the gas station across the street and half brothers dad was there waiting. Dad goes in the store and left us in the car. Before he was able to get back the dad of half brother grabbed him out of the car and sped off. We didn't see him again until he was 10 years old. My mom hasn't seen him since he was in diapers. It has really eaten at her for the last thirty years.
After the kidnapping we moved around from apartment to apartment and school to school again for a year or so. Dad and his SO were pot users and dad drank heavily. He was never abusive or angry but couldn't hold a job for longer than a few months. At one point we were living in a tent at a state park campground and not going to school at all. This went on for several months, several cold months. No school no home eating lunch meat and crackers. Then dad gets a job offer on the eastcoast so we up and move to Delaware. Inner city school and we lived in an apartment with no furniture. Slept on the floor the entire time we lived there. About a year in he gets a DUI and decided to skip town. We moved to South Central LA. From Delaware!!
I will cut it off here for now and see if y'all want to hear more. If this is not appropriate let me know and I will go back to whining about my W. But I got to tell you, this is where the story starts getting good.
Keep on talking. It's a good read.
I'm riveted. Keep talking. This is real life, right?
Continuing:
When we got to LA we lived in a fleabag crack motel that was one block from the school we went to. Mind you, we were two kids of a Caucasian persuasion in the midst of a predominantly African American community. I was 8 and my brother was 7. This was also in the late 80's during the major gang wars and into the Rodney King riots. We were fish out of water, had never heard of a Crip or a Blood. Being that we were from The Queen City, we had Reds ballcaps and t-shirts well little did we know that the colors worn in the neighborhood had major significance. You see we were in Crip territory and we're regularly wearing the opposing gang colors. For several months the little brothers of the gang members would harass us and beat us up on our daily walk to school. We didn't understand why this was happening and got to where we figured out where when and how fast to run. Every night was constant gunfire and sirens.
Our "parents" were always gone until late and left us to take care of ourselves and clean the awful room we stayed in. I ended up being friends with a Vietnamese boy that had a stable family and I was regularly invited over for dinner. At the motel we were in we always saw prostitutes and drug dealers in the halls and always had the landlord asking me when my dad was going to pay up. It was about 6 months in that place before we were evicted and moved to an apartment in the desert that was near Edwards Airforce Base. This was a much nicer environment for us as the gangs hadn't made it out there yet. We actually got to see the Space shuttle land and the unveiling of the Stealth Bomber. There always SR-22 Blackbirds flying around and caused many sonic booms during the days. It was pretty cool while we were there. But we were only there for a few months and moved back to the same crappy sh!thole fleabag crack motel.
I was 10 years old and had enough. I couldn't take it anymore! Somehow I figured out how to make a long distance call from a pay phone and called the only number I had committed to memory, my grandma. I told her the situation and asked if there was anyway she could get me and my brother out of there. She said she would find a way to get the money and get us a plane ticket back to Cincinnati. Two weeks later we were on a plane. She basically saved our lives. We had no contact with ourmother the whole time we were with our dad which was over two years.
We moved in with gramma and grampa on a big soybean farm in the middle of Ohio. This was a huge change for us after spending the past three or four years fighting to survive. We went from inner city gang wars to Hootersville literally overnight. It took some time to adjust to the nice friendly people without worrying about them jumping you at recess.
Let me know if y'all want to hear the exciting next chapter.
Keep going. This is like a movie.
Back to the W for a moment. We are going to take the kids to a carnival tonight and she will most likely stay at the house. I was thinking about getting snookered and building a bonfire tonight to ring in the new year. Guess I shouldn't let her ruin my good time.
Happy New Year 2ltl2lt, will chat soon
The next chapter:
We lived with our grandparents for the next nine months. We went to a school that had 1/10 of the enrollment of the last three schools we had attended. It was quite an adjustment. I was always on edge to fight because of the experiences we had in LA. It had become the norm for me. I was taking on the roll of raising my brother and always protecting him. He was dislexic and kind of awkward in school so I felt like everyone was targeting him all the time. I got myself into a lot of unnecessary trouble trying to look out for him . We stayed there for the rest of the school year. In the meantime our granny had arranged for us to move back to Houston to be with our mother.
We moved to Houston the year I was starting 6th grade. I still had a big chip on my shoulder when I got to my new school. The first day I was there the counselor and my mom were talking about how I would fit in with the crowd. I was an early bloomer physically and was about the biggest kid in my grade. She knew that I had been in a bad situation for awhile and was talking about how I could choose to take the path of success or end up in prison. I will never forget that day.
My first year in school there was alright and i excelled at every athletic activity I participated in. I broke several school records for weight lifting, long jumping, sprinting and vertical jump. This got a lot of attention from the other boys (and girls) some of which made me a target. I only got into one fight that year with a guy who bashed my lips into the water fountain nozzle. I beat the crap out of him because I knew how to.
My 7th grade year was a whole other story. My brother had started 6th grade so he was at the same school with me again. I was the up and coming football and track and field star and he was continually getting picked on by the kids who were trying to get on my nerves. One day it turned physical and I retaliated in the hallway between classes. The bully was in 8th grade and bigger than I was. I tore after him like a tornado. I was on top of the poor bastard just pummeling his face when I saw a teacher lady stick her foot in front of my on coming fist. It was my brother's math teacher. I couldn't stop the punch and it connected directly with her foot. It shattered her ankle! I was expelled from school and she kicked my brother out of her class. This was totally an accident and I still feel bad to this day. Needless to say I had a hard time for the rest of the year. Luckily it happened after football season was over.
The next summer we started two-a-days for football practice. I was late the first day. My mom had a new boyfriend and I had been working construction with him that summer and forgot when practice started. I was playing defensive end and fullback. The coaches loved my work ethic and natural strength. They kept me busy and out of trouble for the most part. We won district in the 4x100 relays and I had the highest number of tackles for the year. During this time my mom was drinking more and more and we were basically living on our own. I had always taken care of my brother and continued to for the next few years.
9th and 10th grade were full of athletic and academic achievement for me. I scored a 1350 on my SAT as a sophomore. My brother was coming into his own and I had many friends and girlfriends to keep me busy. We lived in a run down trailer park full of crazy characters. I had become quite the mechanic and started fixing people's lawnmowers and weed eaters. I had a dirt bike a three wheeler and an old truck I was working on. Life was pretty good at the time for an old Huckleberry Finn type like me. By the end of my sophomore year I had the old truck going and was driving me and my brother to school everyday. I didn't even have a license yet but it was only a few miles away so never had any trouble. Our "parents " didn't care what we did as long as it didn't interfere with their partying.
One day when my truck was broke down we were waiting for the bus and this black car pulled up to me and the man inside was wearing a suit. I thought he looked out of place. He got out of the car and saw my dog running up to him, he then called my dog by name and asked me if I knew what was going on at our neighbors house. I thought it was strange that this man who I had never seen knew my dogs name. I said I had seen a lot of cars coming and going from the neighbors house and thAt I hung out with their kids sometimes. He told me he was with the US Marshals office and suspected that they were manufacturing meth at the house. I didn't know what to say. Their kids were my friends and my mom hung out over there all the time. The next day they raided the house and took the dad to jail, never seen him again. The mom and kids moved away.
Until next time. Keep it tuned to this channel. There is more to come.
Trying to be patient. I have found that I am a fixer and want to make things easier for everyone else no matter how hard it is for me. Being in limbo land is tougher than I could have ever imagined. Each week feels like a month and each month feels like a year. My gut reaction is to be alone and do things around the house to pass the time. I have a problem with meeting new people on a casual basis because I tend to to be so black and white with everyone. I either immediately put them in the good friend I will go to the ends of the earth for category or the I wouldn't care if I never see or hear from them again category. I'm not sure when I became this way or what caused it. I have hired and fired many people in my career and am able to treat people at work all as equals, just can't seem to get there on a personal level.
That's quite a childhood. I will find a moment to read your old thread. I've found it is helpful to post when something is eating at me. Catch up with you later.
Thanks mu,
We need to start a welding thread!
That's quite a story you have there, 2lt2it. Can't wait to read the rest.
Your life reads like a movie script. Please keep writing
Where did I leave off, oh yeah the US Marschall story. So that was in 10 th grade and my mom and her boyfriend were more absent than ever. My brother and I were having parties at our house all the time because they didn't care. Girls would come and go at our house at all hours of the day and night. Thank goodness neither one of us got anyone pregnant or caught any weird diseases. At some point around this time my moms boyfriend began an affair with another woman. Mom and boyfriend were constantly fighting and breaking things in the house. My mom would stay up all night drinking and wait for the boyfriend to be asleep then burn him with cigarettes. It was hell for that summer. Brother and I stayed away from the house as much as possible. School started back up and I was the one getting us up and dressed and off to school everyday.
My brother had started drinking a lot and hanging out with a pretty bad crowd . We were starting to drift apart a little at the time because I had a steady girl and kept busy with football and track practice. He wasn't as athletic as I was even though he stuck with football for a few years. Then everything came to a head. It was November 1993, my mom had followed her boyfriend to OW house and waited until he left and waited still until she left. Mom followed her and tried to run her off the road. They stopped in a convenience store parking lot where my mom got out of the car to confront OW. They were both drunk and wound up. As my mom came around the car and walked toward Skankerellea she pulls a gun and shoots mom in the chest. All of this happened in the middle of the night and we didn't know until the next afternoon. Me and my brother got up and went to school as usual.
I was sitting in English class when a school cop came in and told me to meet him and the principal in the office. I went down to talk to them and they told me what had happened, or at least what they knew. I was obviously upset and went to get my brother so we could go to the hospital to see what was going on. The principal said something along the lines of, you can't leave school and what can you do for her at the hospital. I lost my mind. The school cop was blocking the door and I ended up pushing the cop out of my way and got my brother out of class and we left to go to the hospital.
Mom had a bullet lodged close to her spine and a punctured lung. She was asleep for a couple days. She was at the county hospital where all the gunshot victims were. We stayed there for a few days at her bedside. We finally left to shower and get some clean clothes and such. The doctors were working on her to drain the punctured lung, they had to insert a tube into it. In the process they accidentally inserted the tube on the wrong side effectively puncturing the other lung. She stayed in there until Christmas Eve that year.
At the crime scene both of their cars were sitting in the convenience store parking lot. The cops got them mixed up and towed the OW car to our house. During Christmas break that year I spent some time sabotaging her car. I was at home alone with my brother, mom in the hospital and her boyfriend nowhere to be found. We were fending for ourselves again.
Guess I'll leave it hanging here for tonight. Hope y'all are enjoying my story.
It's a little weird to say but yes I am enjoying your story.
Me too!!! It really does read like a movie script.
Btw....Happy New Year 2ltl2lt!!
Wow, you would think the gunshot wound would indicate which side of the chest had the bad lung and where to put the tube in.
So for the most part I have been the primary caregiver for our children for the last three months. This time has been invaluable. I have grown so much closer to them than I ever could have imagined. They are both so unique and independent and yet I feel like they are so much like W and I it feels like I have known them for my entire life. They are the reason I continue to stand by my M and continue to DB to become the best man/father and hopefully husband I can become. As these days grind on they make it so much easier for me to keep a positive attitude.
Back to my saga:
Incidentally it was during this general time that I first met my W. After mom got out of the hospital she went to live with some of her biker friends and her BF sold the trailer house we lived in. He moved to another close by neighborhood and agreed to let me and my brother stay there until we figured out what to do. We were there for about 6 months and we're working for him after school doing AC work. Then he has her move in. HER!!! The pos that shot my mom. I went berserk!! I had a buddy of mine that agreed to let my brother stay with them and I went to live with my GF (not my now W) and her family.
Her family was understanding and very hospitable. I had to sleep on the couch and not go into her room for any reason but it was ok. Her mom was quite the cook and did my laundry and made my lunch. We got along pretty well for the most part except my tendency to stay out and not tell anyone where I was. I never had any ground rules before and didn't adapt well to having to answer to an adult. It started causing problems between me and GF so I left their house and stayed for the rest of the school year in the National Forest campground in a tent. I would shower at school in the morning and fish for my dinner most nights. I was working at a dog kennel after school that gave me enough for gas money and the like.
That summer I went to stay with the same buddy where my brother had been staying. Brother moved out a month before I moved in with them. He and mom rented a trailer house together. This was a pretty good summer. The summer before my senior year, lots of parties and good times. I stayed with them for most of the school year and started seeing my XGF again. She got pregnant and I thought I had to quit school and go to work. So I did. She miscarried two months into it but we had already rented an apartment and I had a pretty good paying job so I figured WTH let's try to be adults. We lived together for a year or so and things were going ok. We decided to find a house to rent and moved shortly thereafter. She didn't want to work and we were always low on money. We started fighting about it all the time and I finally had enough and broke it off with her for good. Afterwards my brother and a buddy of ours moved in the house with me, we all worked at the same place so it was easy for us to carpool and help each other out.
Then in September 97 I ran into my now W while she was home from college for the weekend. And the rest is history and outlined in my opening post on my first thread. There are a million interwoven stories within this tale that I will expound upon in future installments. If anyone is interested.
Keep them coming. Very interested.
Consider writing a script.
You learned self sufficiency and independence at an early age. You also gained self confidence through these experiences. These are very valuable traits. Not as many people have them as you think. I enjoy reading about your journey to the here and now.
Man, you've lived one hell of a life. To be where you are, to even be able to write as well as you do, is amazing. You have gone through more than most people do in three lifetimes.
As I wrote about on my other thread, I moved to W college town after we had been dating for 6 months. It was three hours away from where we went to high school and a total culture shock for me. A very liberal town with a lot of different types of people that I had never been around. I didn't have any idea where to start looking for a job but she was working after class and had a small apartment already so I had a little bit of time. I am a skilled metal fabricator and know how to cut, weld and fit most anything made of metal and a pretty darn good mechanic too so I figured it would be easy to find something.
One of the first places I tried was an equipment rental company. They were hiring for a mechanic so I stopped in to apply. They had a very complex hiring process, at least I thought so for a mechanic anyway. They actually gave me a Wunderlich test and some other spatial evaluation exams. I scored higher than anyone who had ever been there but they were reluctant to hire me because I was only 20 years old. Said I didn't have enough experience. The next day I found a sheet metal company that worked on commercial kitchen equipment . They needed a guy to drive around town to different restaurants and kitchens to fix things onsite. I took the job even though I had never done this kind of work before but I was young and full of confidence.
Well let me tell you, I took to this like a fish to water. I loved driving around meeting the customers and getting to know my way around town. It was a small company with maybe 8 or 9 employees and it wasn't long before the customers were requesting that I come out to fix their problems. We also built vent hoods and commercial sinks and would install them onsite. I could fix anything. And I got to know all the best places to eat. I worked until 4:00 and would go fishing nearly everyday after work. My W would meet me at the boat ramp and we would stay out until dark. She would bring us Subway samwiches and a six pack of beer. It is one of my fondest memories with her. We didn't have much money but saved enough to buy a small aluminum boat with an electric trolling motor. We loved it.
One of the biggest jobs that we had while I was there was at the airport. They were remodeling the entire Tarmac with new bars and restaurants. I spent nearly five months there everyday building vent hoods in restaurants, decorative metal artwork and bar tops. We built an indoor waterfall out of copper, it was really cool. I built a stage front that spanned 40feet out of stainless steel that had Live Music Capitol of the World laser engraved on it. Unfortunately, since 9-11 the only way anyone ever sees any of this is if you are flying in or out of there since it is all behind the security gates. Anyhow, W had graduated and was ready to move back to our hometown and start her career so we left there and came back to start our lives together.
Until next time!
This sounds like a wonderful chapter of your life. I look forward to more. The metal working sounds interesting.
Yesterday me and my brother went tailgating at the Texans game! They won the game and the division title. We had a blast ate all kinds of badass bbq and had all kinds of beers. Too much fun! Since we were born in Cincinnati and moved to Houston at a young age we are dual fans of the Bengals and the Texans, which causes some healthy rivalries between us and our buddies. All in good fun though (Who Dey!)
Went to IC this morning for the first time since the holidays, I gave her the run down of my interactions with W and family and how she clammed up on Christmas Day after spending several days at the house and being intimate with me a few times. IC seems as confused as I am about it. She is thinking W is trying to re live a part of her life that she feels she missed out on. And that it is probably related to something that happened to her during childhood. Then IC started asking me what I have been doing for myself.
This was when I realized that I have been keeping pretty busy and staying pretty positive about everything that has been going on. Not always but for the most part. She commented that I seem like a fairly self-actuallized person and that I should feel lucky to have the outlook that I have. That she has been doing this for over twenty years and sees a lot of people in this situation that just can't handle what is happening to them. I have to say that these boards and yalls advice have really helped me. I am seeing more and more the path that gets us through this crap. And it makes more sense everyday. Thanks to everyone here that are helping each other through these tough times.
I've been looking through the MLC threads this morning, looking for inspiration and guidance. I found this little gem, and I'm going around sharing it with everyone I think it may be helpful to. Sometimes everything just gets to be too much, and I forget where I'm supposed to be focusing. It really helped me redefine where I want to go, and how I'm going to get there. I hope it helps you a bit, too.
Consider the DB basic principals....
1) Healthy boundaries.
2) Better communication
3) GAL
4) "act as if"
5) Change how you look at things
6) Keep a positive outlook
7) Personal growth
8) Learning more about you so that you can be all that you can be.
9) Learning to avoid "cheese less tunnels"
10) Love and respect
These principals can be used in all facets of ones life. When used properly....they truly can change you from the INSIDE OUT.
Thanks Ancaire,
I still don't know if this is MLC or WW or what. Maybe just gone crazy.
When W and I moved back we rented a cruddy little apartment in a not so nice neighborhood. We didn't care, we were happy together. She had a new job and I went back to work at the fab shop I left when I went to move in with her. Everything was going fine, we were in no hurry to get married and just had a good time together. We moved to a better apartment after our six month lease was up and she got a new and better job offer. She accepted it and we were saving money as I too was moving up in my trade. I became foreman over ten guys most of whom were older than me and weren't very happy to be taking orders from a young guy. I never let it bother me.
We saved up for a year and bought our first home. We loved it and worked on the yard every weekend and painted different rooms however she wanted. It was a great time for us. We lived there for a couple of more years before we decided to get married. It was around this time that I got a new job for more money and better benefits but had to work night shift. I was the youngest foreman at a much larger company so they stuck me at night with the degenerates. Then we waited for two more years until we had D. She was the light of our lives. So happy and healthy. There was one problem we had with the house the whole time we were there was it had scorpions. My W is deathly afraid of stinging bugs anyway and these little buggers terrified her to death. She never got stung by one until after D was born and I was at work at night. She called me in a panic screaming that she had been stung and didn't know what to do. She thought it was a lot worse than it was but I knew she was scared and came right home to be with her. After that she was so afraid that the baby would get stung that we decided to sell the house and build a new one.
The house sold quickly and we moved in with her folks. I spent the next year after my regular job building our new home. It was a long year but so worth it. While we were living at the ILs house she got pregnant with S and was 8 months along when we finished the house. W has the most incredible sense of timing. As soon as we get moved in she is having our boy. He was a biggen, nearly ten pounds. W is a very small women but insisted on a natural birth. She made it through the birth with flying colors. Breast fed both babies for 9 months and was a wonderful mother for both of them. I had gone back to working days by this time and everything seemed to be the American Dream in the making. From the upbringing I experienced, this was everything I could have ever wanted.
We were in the house for about 8 months, it was the beginning of September. S was still an infant when a Hurricane hit our area. We had moved our bed to the most interior room of the house and we all cuddled up under it for the worst of the storm. No damage to the house but we lost a few trees and had no power. I sent W and kids to her sisters house 250 miles north and I stayed at the house. Everything was shut down for two weeks, no work no grocery stores no cell phones, I was in heaven. My other male friends that stayed were having a heck of a time too. We were bbqing every day because all of our freezers were full of deer meat and fish that was going to spoil if we didn't cook it right away. We ate like kings for the whole time. We drove around to different neighborhoods helping people clear trees from their yards and pulling people's vehicles out of ditches. Then the lights came back on and back to reality.
Still more yet to come.
Hurricane, deadly insects, this story has got it all
First day back to school for the kiddos and back to our regular schedule. I get home to cook some dinner and start rustling around the kitchen, I ask D if she wants hotdogs or hamburgers and she tells me that W had called her and had bought groceries to make dinner with. She didn't say anything to me about it. So when she got here with S she asked if I was going to eat with them. I didn't say anything about the food I had just bought to make dinner with and just told her I was going to get out for awhile. Then I left.
A couple hours later she texts me, when will you be back?, I didn't respond because I was already close and I was driving. When I get home she asked me if I was going to the football game this weekend. I said no , I have a Cubscouts event and I will take S. She asked if I was going with xxx friends and I said no. She asked who then? A girl? I just shook my head and said it doesn't matter because I'm not going I'm taking S to his event. I really think she wants me to get with a girl while we are apart. What is that about?
Your story is mesmerizing. I especially like the part about the subway sandwiches and six packs.
Where we live the weather can be rather unpredictable. The general landscape is flat and the soil is sandy. The creeks and rivers are shallow, slow and lazy. As a teenager me and the few friends that I had were always fishing and riding dirtbikes and three wheelers on the creeks. During Spring Break of my freshman year two of my buddies and I decided to camp along a major river right where it met with the creek that we had spent so much time on. We had a small canoe that barely held all of the supplies we brought. It had rained pretty hard the week before and the river was moving faster than we had anticipated. My moms BF dropped us off at the bridge and it was about a mile upstream to our planned campsite. This was before his affair and during the time he and mom were partying all the time. They couldn't care less about three 14 year olds camping alone for three days.
Anyway, we loaded up in the canoe and start paddling with every ounce of strength in our bodies. We didn't make it to our original spot and just pulled out at the closest clearing to set up camp for the night. We built a fire and set out trot lines to try and catch our dinner. We sat around the fire talking about girls and life and al of the things that young men do. We were having a great time. We had a few snacks with us but we're relying on catching some fish for our main sustenance. About this time I see one of the limbs that we had tied a line to start to shake . I ran down to see what we had caught and quickly realized that it was something of size. I grab the line and try pulling it up on the bank while the other two were excitedly watching. As I got it closer and closer it struggles more. The string was cutting my hands and the creature on the other end was pulling harder. When I finally got it close I saw that it wasn't a fish but a gator. And a good sized one at that. As soon as it saw dry land it bolted straight for me! It was tangled in the line and thrashing about. I grabbed my knife to cut the thing loose and it slipped back into the water. We didn't catch any fish that night.
The next day the river had slowed back down so we loaded back up in the canoe to continue our adventure. We paddled for awhile until we found a good spot to fish and relax for a few hours. One of the buddies got out of the boat to go #2. He was gone a little too long so we went to look for him. He came out of the woods and said he found something cool we had to check out. He was the crazy one of the bunch so we knew it had to be something worth looking into. Me and my other friend follow him back to his discovery. It was a gas pipeline valve sticking up out of the ground. It appeared to be surrounded by a large puddle of water, which didn't seem all that unusual because of the recent rain. Well the crazy guy swishes a stick in the puddle and says watch this. He breaks out a cigarette lighter and strikes the flint, the stick he put in the puddle immediately burst into flames. We didn't know what he had found. Then he throws the burning stick down into the liquid surrounding the valve.
As soon as it hit the puddle we see this giant fireball develop and all the air around us rushing toward the flame. We ran like hell back toward the creek. Jumped in and watched what looked like something the Enola Gay dropped on Hiroshima! The biggest explosion you could imagine was going on less than 50 yards away. Then it was just a huge cloud of black smoke billowing into the air. We got back in the canoe and started back to the bridge where we were dropped off. It wasn't long before a police boat pulls up next to us and they order us to board their vessel. They took us back to the station for questioning.
For some reason they had me pegged as the mastermind of the crime. I didn't want to eat on anyone and denied everything they accused us of. We stayed in jail for 36 hours. Then the company that owned the pipeline sent an investigator to find out how three dumb kids were able to blow up this thing. They had all kinds of theories ranging from homemade pipe bomb to high powered rifle. Once they realized that their equipment was leaking all charges were dropped and we were free to go. We had made the news and I was the star of live at five. One of my football coaches saw me on the news and gave me extra duty for life. I had to stay an extra hour after practice every day running and bear crawling until my last practice of my senior year. I kinda became the leader of extra duty.
I guess I'll leave it here for tonight.
I have been in very limited contact with W since Christmas. She has been texting me every morning with a few nice words, I usually reply a few hours later with a thank you or good morning. She came to the house tonight to drop off D , I was out in the garage organizing my tools. She went in to say good night to S and came back out to the garage. I kept doing what I was doing and she stood there for a minute then asked me what I was doing. She asked how my day was and how everyone was doing. I kept it short and sweet and didn't really quit what I was doing. Then she said she had plans on Saturday, which I took as a date with another guy. I just said ok and left it at that. Then she gave me hug and I said goodbye be careful. I hate not being able to talk to her, but I think it's the right thing to do. She is really out of character here lately.
Going back to the 6th. If you are with a girl then it frees her up to say... See don't you like her, blah blah blah. And take the blame off of her.
As for your pipe bomb post... That sounds interesting. You are lucky you weren't hurt.
Your most recent post. I'm not fully up to speed on your early posts. But she may be probing, make sure you give her enough to stay interested, especially if you think she is trying to change.
If she is full on WW I am going to continue with the limited availability and tough love as per Sandi. I remain on the fence about what to label someone. She is so conflicted with her behavior that I just want to leave her be and give it some time. If I determine for myself that she is in the so called affair fog I will go as dark as possible without sacrificing anything for my kids. I really appreciate everyone's help.
Well it's official now. She has been screwing someone else. I found condoms and a message from her to another guy about it. I asked her and she confirmed it.Not sure how I feel now. I called my IC and told her what was going on, she advised me to try and DETACH myself from the emotions and try to stay in the present moment. I found out early this morning and then went to an event with S. Wth is going on!!!? She is completely emotionless about it, like a cyborg or something. Should I just leave it alone and go on about my business? Now that she knows I know, she will probably avoid me anyway.
I am sorry about what you have learned. Your IC has given you good advice - detach, detach, detach.
This will eat you up if you let it. Listen, if you are able - stay away from your W, don't talk to her, don't snoop, and keep yourself busy.
Do you have any friends that can come over, or guys in a small group that you can talk to? Get someone that you can trust (hopefully someone that doesn't know your W), and dump all of your emotions on him. This isn't going to go away. For now, just minimize the damage to yourself.
Thanks wet, I think I can get through it.
Another installment of my weird life , not in any particular order:
As I mentioned, I had a natural knack for anything mechanical. This was my senior year of high school and I took Ag Mechanics as an elective. There was a contest at a one of the biggest events in our city in February where they intentionally "bug" tractors and time the students on how long it takes them to fix. There was also a written test and an individual components test. Our school had just started participating in this that year and we were very underprepared. Another competing school had participated since the contest started. They won almost every time.
The written part and the individual components test were judged on an individual basis and the debugging of the tractor was judged on a team basis. Our team started working on the tractor and I immediately found three of the seven bugs they had put in place. The goal was to get the thing running and drive it around the arena. We got it going enough to do that but didn't find everything so were deducted points for that.
By the time it was all said and done, our team effort was fourth place but my individual effort was first place. My prize was a brand new full sized professional toolbox full of $10,000 worth of tools. Something I could have never been able to afford at the time. This event actually got me started in my profession and I still have those tools to this day. I built my entire life, my job , my home, my family with those tools. Countless days repairing the family car and countless days earning a paycheck for my family.
To this day, my W couldn't find me a 9/16 box end wrench to save her life. After all those tools have done for us!
Had a good time with S on Sat morning considering what I learned earlier. We went to a Wolf Sanctuary for rescued wolf dogs that people had bred but couldn't keep. Pretty interesting that I have lived around here for twenty years and never knew it was there. The kids stayed the night with my dad and I had the night of football to do whatever I wanted. I watched the games and grilled some meat then sat quietly alone to process my thoughts about my MR. I couldn't figure out if I was mad or hurt or confused or just plain stupid. Then I thought, so what so what if she does this, so what if she wants to disrespect herself. It is her choice, I can't control what she does or who she does it with. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes when she confirmed that she had consummated her infidelity. I know she is hurting and shameful of her actions yet continues on with the same behavior.
I think my biggest issue with it is her being so driven to do this even though it is so clear to her that it is completely destructive to her and our family. When she was leaving the house last night S clung to her and asked why she had to leave everyday. She said I just have to. S asks why do you have to? She said because of mine a daddy's relationship. He asks what about the relationship? She says it's complicated. He says I can understand complicated things! Why do you have to leave? I was chopping up my salad for dinner while this is going on right next to me. I kept it together but haven't looked at or contacted her since. She texted me this morning about some work stuff that I don't need to reply to. I can't believe she could do that. I don't have any reason to deal with her for awhile and really don't want to.
To paraphrase Dave Chappelle impersonating Rick James, affairs are a hell of a drug.
Didn't sleep for sh!t last night so I came home early to take a nap. Still can't fall asleep. Went to IC this morning and started talking about Ws behavior and demeanor. I gave her the rundown about her stonewalling and near emotionless attitude (I swear W is a DB guru) . IC believes that she is very ashamed of herself and is hurting and confused (which is spot on according to the insight here) . IC still keeps suggesting that I get around more female friends and hang out with them. I'm not very interested in that at all right now. Not romantic or anything just friendly dinner or some such. I don't know a lot of girls anyway and would have to get creative to find someone. What do y'all think?
Hi 2L - I would say 'male friends' - yes and go for it! I don't think female friends is a great idea.....we all know where that can lead!
One day I met this man who didn't know what his purpose in life was, I sat and talked with him for awhile. He told me things about his job, his family, his wife. I sat and listened to him for longer than I thought. Before too long I asked him what would make you happy right now. He looked away and took a few deep breaths, and said he wished he had chosen a different path in life. To which I replied, what would you have done differently. He didn't have an answer. He didn't realize that happiness comes from within. That all he had achieved meant something. He didn't even realize that he had everything he ever wanted the whole time. It had been such a gradual accumulation of small bits of happiness he had taken it for granted. I told him all we can do is accept change for what it is and do the best we can with what we have. He was too blind to see the deeper underlying fear that had really been the issue the whole time. It seemed like the more he ignored it the more it would go away. When in fact it only grew stronger. He was too preoccupied trying to deflect and defend his own shortcomings as a family man that he lost sight of the very things that defined his happiness. As this conversation played on I thought how could this happen to such a good man. A man who simply didn't have a complete understanding of the nature of a relationship let alone a family. I was devastated by the pain he was feeling. It made me step back and reevaluate my own priorities and values. I suddenly understood the gravity of his situation, out of nowhere like a sledgehammer to the face. This man had no idea what he needed to do to be the person he wanted to be. He had no idea that the person he wanted to be was not the person he had become. While this was sinking in for me he said that the fear had controlled his life. Had caused him to avoid the problems in his life. He had become a slave to it. I felt bad for him. That is no way to truly live. He was not able to understand that these problems are his alone. No one can control you with your own feelings. They are yours. No one else can feel them for you. This man could be anything he set out to be, he choose to be what he was and can choose what he wants to be. It is up to him. When I first met him I wasn't sure if he was someone who I would like to get to know. The more I talk to him the more I realize that he has the key to all of it. He had shown me a world I have not seen. A world of possibilities that were obscured by the mundane. The fact that I met this man when I did is a testament to the cosmic absurdity that I subscribe to. I'm sure when he and I part ways I will miss things about him but I know that what I have learned from him will carry me to a better future.
It seems that I have decided to say FTW today.
Yesterday morning I dropped the kids off at school and as soon as I pulled out on the highway the van just died. I coasted off on the shoulder and called W to come pick me up. I didn't say a word to her in the car just see you later when I got out .
A little back story on our current vehicle situation, we have had this van for last 9 years. It has 225000 miles on it. I have done all of the maintenance and repairs on it the whole time. W is the stereotypical female driver type that hits random things and "forgets" or denies it. I used to give her crap all the time about finding hair or a pair of glasses or something else funny stuck in the grill . Anyhow she has had a few wrecks over the years. I knew it was getting close to the end for the van so I switched vehicles with her before BD. After BD I switched back and left her with the crappy van since I was running the kids around the most.
She was driving it for less than a week and someone ran into her. This was in the beginning of November. I have a friend who owns a mechanic shop and took it to him for an estimate the next day. Long story short, W has been dragging her feet with the claim and now we're down a vehicle. I was pissed. So I have been toting the kids around in my 59 Chevy project truck. They love riding in it but it doesn't even have seat belts so I hate driving with them all the time.
On a brighter note I got to drop a "really?!?" on her last night, felt pretty good. She said something about not having time to look for another car. She got time to bang the OM she got time to take care of her business.
Had a good time with S on Sat morning considering what I learned earlier. We went to a Wolf Sanctuary for rescued wolf dogs that people had bred but couldn't keep. Pretty interesting that I have lived around here for twenty years and never knew it was there. The kids stayed the night with my dad and I had the night of football to do whatever I wanted. I watched the games and grilled some meat then sat quietly alone to process my thoughts about my MR. I couldn't figure out if I was mad or hurt or confused or just plain stupid. Then I thought, so what so what if she does this, so what if she wants to disrespect herself. It is her choice, I can't control what she does or who she does it with. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes when she confirmed that she had consummated her infidelity. I know she is hurting and shameful of her actions yet continues on with the same behavior.
I think my biggest issue with it is her being so driven to do this even though it is so clear to her that it is completely destructive to her and our family. When she was leaving the house last night S clung to her and asked why she had to leave everyday. She said I just have to. S asks why do you have to? She said because of mine a daddy's relationship. He asks what about the relationship? She says it's complicated. He says I can understand complicated things! Why do you have to leave? I was chopping up my salad for dinner while this is going on right next to me. I kept it together but haven't looked at or contacted her since. She texted me this morning about some work stuff that I don't need to reply to. I can't believe she could do that. I don't have any reason to deal with her for awhile and really don't want to.
To paraphrase Dave Chappelle impersonating Rick James, affairs are a hell of a drug.
After something like this I wouldn't reply to her unless her F'ing head was on fire and even then I might have to stop and think. Don't worry about getting mad about this. I'll be mad for you. This makes me furious. Infidelity is one of the most cruel acts a person can commit against another person. If you need to vent it out then do it here with us. I've been there and I know what you're feeling. If you need to scream curse words are talk to those who know, that's what we're here for. I was feeling good about your situation and now this bullsh!t. It makes me angry. You be strong.
I heartily support the screaming of curse words. Mine happen to be directed at the OW, but directing them at the WAS works, too, I suppose. Try it in the car, preferably when stopped.
I've called her every name in the book that seems appropriate. It feels good.
Exactly, NYGal. We're all here. We all know. I wanted to shake,the sh!t out of my wife and just smack the crap out of her and scream into her face how the F can you be doing this? How can you be such a despicable human being? Are,this F'ing cruel or just really F'ing stupid? Huh? Which is it you heartless F'ing b!tch because it has to be one of them, or maybe even both. How can you just sh!t all over us like that?!? I really hate your F'ing guts right now you stupid whore!!
See? I've been there. Where am I right this minute? Sitting at the park and ride bus stop waiting to pick her up. I can't wait to see her. I love her so much and she loves me. If I had really said all those things I wrote above back when she surely deserved those words, I'm pretty sure we'd be long divorced.
As the sane betrayed spouse you really have to swallow a lot of sh!t if you want to save the marriage. If you're not interested in saving it then by all means go ahead and let her have it. It would probably feel great but you'd probably end up saying something you can't unsay so you're better off swallowing that sh!t sandwich and venting to us when necessary. You get used to the taste of sh!t. I find it goes down easier with BBQ sauce. ;-) Also, don't lose your humor. It can keep you sane as you navigate her insanity.
Thanks Tex and NY
I'm keeping it together for the kids right now.,I'll never lose my sense of humor, it's attached to my mouth.
I do want to stay married and I do love her. She is really starting to get at me right now though. I'm going to the beer joint tonight to get some ego boosts from the ladies.
I've been LOL'ing for 2 minutes straight.
Awesome sauce.
Dropping the 'really' is sooo satisfying.
Have done it once. If I'm a betting man, and I am from time to time, it will happen again.
Hey trumpet, thanks for stopping by. I have been reading your stuff for a while and hope for the best.
Your post about talking to the other man was really something. It moved me. 2ltl2lt I'm glad to call you friend. A 59 Chevy, nice truck. Advanced welding starts next Tuesday. Be well
What's up mu! Im glad you got something from my story. I wrote that on the fly at the beginning of my sitch and sent it to W. She wasn't as receptive.
Back from the beer joint. I pulled in and saw an old Ford (boo) . Sat around for awhile watching the basketball game and smiled at a few ladies. As I was leaving the guy with the old ford was getting in his truck, I approached him and said hey check out my old truck. We talked for half an hour about our cool old vehicles and I made a new buddy. It's easier than you might think.
W is at the house with the kids tonight I am staying at my moms and going out again tonight. Should be a good band at the watering hole tonight. Avoiding her is getting easier.
I am getting used to no connection with my wife. I am saddened by her choice but what can you do. Class starts next week and that will keep me busy.
Well mu you have an ace in the hole if you have any technical questions. I have over 20 years of experience welding and hold many procedural qualifications. I can help you out with the cool stuff too.
How are you with wife"s that are out of kilter?
Don't have 20 years experience with that yet, only a couple months. I'll get back to you in 2036.
I don't have anything to prove to her to "win" her back, savvy?
I envy your self confidence 2ltl2lt. I struggle with it and seem to be lacking that quality.
I've been pondering on something for a few days that I just can't seem to straighten out in my head. W has essentially left the MR to carry on like a 20 year old single party girl. The struggle I keep having is that there was no particular OM and she didn't leave me for her soul mate or something like that. She just left me. i am bringing this up because it seems the overwhelming majority of the posters here and on other sites are dealing with one particular OM/OW. My W is just conducting herself as a dumbed down version of Amy Schumer from Trainwreck. My question is did she just leave me because she doesn't want to be with me anymore or is she just going through some unresolved period in her life that she feels she missed out on?
She says she doesn't have "those feelings " for me anymore. Those pesky feelings are really starting to piss me off! I know for sure in my heart of hearts that there is no such condition as falling out of love. It is an oxymoron at best. I will never understand being able to walkout on your own children and lifestyle because she felt the MR was so bad(it wasn't) . Maybe it is a particular OM and she is just portraying it differently, who the hell knows.
My W said the exact same type of crap and then lo and behold, there's an OM. You're right, you don't just fall out,of,love. You redirect those feelings toward someone else. If there is an OM then you have zero chance while he's in the picture. Any effort toward working on the R is useless. Affair for is powerful and changes people whom you know better than anyone in the world into people you don't even recognize. Affair fog creates liars, cheaters, and parents that would walk out on their own children.
You need to know where you stand so you can make an informed decision about your future. If you don't know if there is an OM or not then find out by any means necessary or walk out now and set yourself free.
I've been pondering on something for a few days that I just can't seem to straighten out in my head. W has essentially left the MR to carry on like a 20 year old single party girl. The struggle I keep having is that there was no particular OM and she didn't leave me for her soul mate or something like that. She just left me. i am bringing this up because it seems the overwhelming majority of the posters here and on other sites are dealing with one particular OM/OW. My W is just conducting herself as a dumbed down version of Amy Schumer from Trainwreck. My question is did she just leave me because she doesn't want to be with me anymore or is she just going through some unresolved period in her life that she feels she missed out on?
I talked about this very thing in my wayward wife threads. There certainly doesn't have to be a singular OM or A, to define wayward. It's true the the majority of the stories here involve A's, however, there have been those who had a W that was acting like a girl gone wild. How much more wayward could a woman get?
I've been pondering on something for a few days that I just can't seem to straighten out in my head. W has essentially left the MR to carry on like a 20 year old single party girl. The struggle I keep having is that there was no particular OM and she didn't leave me for her soul mate or something like that. She just left me. i am bringing this up because it seems the overwhelming majority of the posters here and on other sites are dealing with one particular OM/OW. My W is just conducting herself as a dumbed down version of Amy Schumer from Trainwreck. My question is did she just leave me because she doesn't want to be with me anymore or is she just going through some unresolved period in her life that she feels she missed out on?
She says she doesn't have "those feelings " for me anymore. Those pesky feelings are really starting to piss me off! I know for sure in my heart of hearts that there is no such condition as falling out of love. It is an oxymoron at best. I will never understand being able to walkout on your own children and lifestyle because she felt the MR was so bad(it wasn't) . Maybe it is a particular OM and she is just portraying it differently, who the hell knows.
Hi 2ltl2lt, I know it's little consolation, but my H has walked out on me and our kids for the exact same reasons as your W. There is no OW in my situation either. Just fallen out of love with me. As you say, an oxymoron at best. I KNOW you can rekindle the spark. I can still make my H laugh even now he's left me and that was the thing that first attracted him to me, yet he thinks it's impossible. We are dealing with crazy unfortunately. Hang in there, I know it's tough.
2ltl2lt,
I think I am in the same situation as you are. After more than one year of marital crisis, I am pretty sure - as much as one can be - there is no OM.
STBXW simply considers divorce is the only remedy for her unhappiness.
I will never understand being able to walkout on your own children and lifestyle because she felt the MR was so bad
I am with you one this.
The other day STBXW was telling me, between tears, that she did not know what more to do with our S9 who kept showing his anger towards her because he knows her mother was the one wanting the separation.
And then she said this: "I have exhausted all my resources and knowledge. I don't know what else to do with our son. I feel like quitting, but of course I will not do it. He is my son."
I wanted to say: "And what about our marriage?"
Thanks Tex, Sandi (my heroine) and inpain,
Tx, I am going to find out one way or another but right now I am letting her simmer in her own pot of sh!t stew. I am in the house and have the kids for the most part and I feel like that puts me in a pretty powerful position. I feel like she is going to find out pretty quickly that she has a big mess to clean up.
Sandi, I really appreciate the help you have given here. I do believe she is wayward and has been testing me and stringing me along. I've been pretty tough with her at times but not consistently enough I don't think . I'm getting there.
Inpain, I am sorry to hear that your foolish H decided he feels that way. I take comfort in the fact that it is a decision and feelings do change.
Take care
Thanks ripe.
It seems like such self serving BS to do these things to others , and by others I mean the people who have been there for you and your own flesh and blood. It will never make sense to me.
Take it easy brother
Feeling a little post happy today?
Just got done cutting my S7 hair myself. He was squirming around a lot and didn't let me finish so he kinda looks like Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber. It was my first attempt at it so I didn't have real high expectations. I remember my mom always used to cut our hair when I was a kid figured I'd give it a try. That will definitely stick in W craw.
Ooooooo ummmmm you're in trouble now 2lt2lt. First lesson in parenting never, ever, ever get between a mother and her child's hair. I jest....but not. Be prepared dear man for the mother wrath.
Just got done cutting my S7 hair myself. He was squirming around a lot and didn't let me finish so he kinda looks like Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber.
LOL
Me and S7 went for a hike this morning in the national forest, had a great time. He is so funny, not sure where he gets it. We came home and watched football for a while and he climbed up on me. We snuggled the whole game. Then W came in with D11 and saw us cuddled up on my chair. She commented how cute we looked. She was taking the kids to MILs tonight because of the holiday tomorrow. I said goodbye to the kids and got out of the house. I didn't say a word to W. She texted me later about something mundane and I ingnored it.
I went to an old bar down the road to watch the late game and met some pretty cool folks. One of the guys there was into woodworking and had his own business doing sawmill work. He built all the tables at the bar. I showed him some pictures of the work I had done and we exchanged numbers so we could meet up and bounce ideas off each other about cool rustic furniture. Funny thing is I don't know shite about woodwork and he doesn't know shite about metalwork. I guess opposites do attract somehow.
The design skills and problem solving thought patterns are the same. You two use different mediums. This guy seems like a good connection.
How's it going with your wife, is she the same, worse or better?
Wouldn't know, haven't communicated with her for over a week. I have found that the space she said she needs was something I needed as well. I have looked deep within myself over the last three months and found out that I am pretty ok with me. Hell I would go so far to say that I really like me.
Hang in there friend.
Went to IC this morning. She thinks I should become a divorce mediator myself. Not sure what to think about that. She is one and saw the seperation agreement I had written but never showed W. She says I am doing pretty good and is impressed with how much I am getting out and meeting new friends. I guess it just comes naturally to me.
I have been as NC with W as possible for over a week now, she sent me text this morning asking me if I would like go to an event with her and the kids this Sunday. I waited for a few hours then replied "wouldn't miss it " she sent me a smiley face in return.
I do believe that we will work through this tough period in our MR. We are all hurt and angry at times, and we all have to deal with it in our own way. I make no delusions that we could end up divorced, but as long as we approach difficult times with our eyes wide open we can clearly see what is best for ourselves.
Sometimes I feel like I am shadow boxing with W and in general. Fighting something that isn't really there to fight with, just expending my valuable energy in a fight with one participant. A fight against myself.
I hear you 2lt.
If you're like me, the responses my wife gets now are not anything like I used to send her. They are always measured, always thought about a second time before sending or saying.
It's a lot of extra energy to expend. Fighting with yourself on what to say. Second-guessing if you're too detached, or not detached enough.
All I know now is that Cadet's words that your wife has given you the gift of TIME are words that ring more true every day. I want to become a husband, a father, a human, that I can see in the mirror every day and smile at. I used to hide in shame. That has changed. I am now determined to be happy, to do things for myself. I got the kick in the a** I needed.
Thanks trumpet,
I'm not the most articulate person anyway so I really have to think about the things I say to her. Sometimes I loss the opportunity to say it because I don't want to screw up.
She has been texting me a lot for the last couple days now. Asking more questions.
Howdy fellow DBers,
Haven't posted in a few days, been going through the latest drama with WW. Some of her "new friends" happen to be old friends of mine from back in high school and such. Most of whom I have become more of a distant acquaintance of than friends really. Most of them remember me a whole lot more than I remember them just due to my crazy adventures as a youngster. Anyhow, I've had more than one of them contacting me asking if that is my wife on Ashley Madison and Tinder. I'm like, hell yes that's my wife, you might want to stay as far away from me as possible! And tell your sleazy f$$&& buddies I better not even hear a whisper about it again. Somehow she found out that I found out and started blaming me for spying and trying to catfish her through these sites.
First of all, I didn't even know what catfishing was until that moment. Then I got on her about it being bad enough that she is destroying our family and now she is trying to screw with other people's families. Oh I was hot. Then I found out about her sleeping with more than one OP. Now I'm completely out of give a sh!t. I have given the space I have given the time now I've stopped giving a sh!t. There is no way she is going to be alright.
I'm sorry to read this, what are your plans?
I'm going to give it a little more time to make sure I don't make any decisions out of anger. Then on over to consult with a L. I'm not one to go the distance with this standing business. If she truly doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with me then I'm not going to try to convince her that she is wrong. I hate it for the kids sake and I hate that it has come down to this.
Your plan seems sound. The looking for other men would be very difficult for me to get past. It's one thing to meet a person and fall for them. It's another search out a random person named Dick or Peter. Honestly, that's close to deal breaker for me.
How are you? This must hurt. Do you have much hope? Are you in IC? Please know we're here for you buddy.
Hi 2lt, I'm sorry to read this. Your W is WW at this time for sure. She's a bit like my H - he checked out of the M and started asking OPs on dates (without ever saying he'd become unhappy in our M.)
I agree your plan sounds good. You are having an initial reaction, and your feelings about everything could change in time. Best to allow yourself that time and make sure you have no regrets. She may be completely 'done' with the M right now, but that may not always be the case of course - though you are right not to try and convince her of anything.
I can appreciate how hurt your must feel. It's worth recognising that she is probably also doing this from a place of hurt (albeit buried under layers of rebellion, entitlement etc. Just now.) She is seeking affirmation or highs or whatever in such places and is doing this 'for herself' rather than 'to you.' If you can remember that it may help.
In time you may decide this is a deal breaker, and time will tell. If it is, you can make your own plans to resolve things, heal and move on. However, I don't think it's time to go there just yet.
Do take care, and I'm sorry for your pain just now xx
2lt, taking a couple of days to think is a great idea.
Calm, deep breath, spend some amazing energy on you to help clear your head.
Then please go see a lawyer to get a consultation and if you can, go see a IC (and start to really really start working on your boundaries, ok). The revelation that your wife is doing what she is, can truly put us into a downward spiral.
The one thing you have to remeber through all of this, you did not break her. She is cratering from some issues that happened before you were part of her life, these thing are coming back up and they have shattered her and she is now looking to try some form of feeling normal...it is a sad sad reality that she is in right now.
Her accusations of you spying and whatever are complete BS in the real world, however in her head she is making you her enemy. Be careful.
Protect yourself and your kids. Make this a priority. Do not sleep with her at all, for whatever reason.
Now more than any time in your life, you need two start self-care and teally focus your energy on u and your kids. Her path is her own and you need to let that boat sail to wherever het winds take it.
Keep posting, vent here, we are good sponges for that, ok???
Thanks for the support y'all,
I'm pretty much over the shock and pain for the time being. I have talked to my IC about this and she has really kept me in the present moment. I know WW has to sort this out on her own and I am not the reason this is happening. Still hate that it is.
Just to take my mind off of this crap I started thinking about some of the other adventures I had as a teenager. The way I was before my W came into the picture. So the following memory popped up:
We lived in a rundown drug ridden trailer park when I was in the first two years of high school. I rode the bus when I had to and I always noticed this kid that got on at the third stop from me. This bus went to my school, high school, as in 9th-12th grade. That would put most every student at least 14 years old. Well this kid looked about 9 or 10 in my opinion. He was so pale and thin that I thought he must be neglected or malnourished or something. He was very quiet and always sat alone. I was fairly well respected in our school and began feeling kinda sorry for the little guy after a while.
One day I decided to sit with him on the bus and try to talk to him . When I moved to his seat he recoiled a little and scooted all the way in towards the window of the bus. I asked him what his name is and he whispered back " my name is Charlie". I introduced myself and started to try and make small talk. He wouldn't say much but answered any question that I asked. I did this for a few days in a row before he told me that he was diabetic and had a blood sugar imbalance that left him small and pale. He was in fact 14 years old. He said his folks didn't have the money to properly care for his illness.
After that I told him that I would look after him if anyone was picking on him or giving him a hard time. That started a chain reaction of events that began with him following me and my friends around a lot and trying to keep up with us when we were doing our thing. Our thing at the time was riding dirt bikes and swimming in the creek behind our trailer park. It was getting to be spring time and the rain had the creek up out of it's banks. Now, around here we have fire ants. They are a particularly nasty little creature that delivers a painful sting. They tend to build their mounds near water and they love the soft sandy soil in our region.
Being near the water, these little buggers have developed a way to survive when the rains come and swell the creeks. They all crawl out of the Earth and surround the queen in a basketball sized mass of writhing ants. The way they hang on to one another allows the entire colony to float on top of the water. The ants constantly climb up and around each other so as not to be under the water for too long. It is quite a sight to see. During this particular flood my friends and I decided to try and swim across the swift water. My frail new buddy Charlie was there and against my warning he jumped in and started to panic. The water was rather cold and it sent him into shock. He was completely helpless and moving quickly downstream. I immediately jumped in after him and start flailing my arms as fast as I could. I could see him going under and resurfacing further away every time.
I kept swimming as hard as I could and finally caught up with him. I grabbed his arm and started toward the bank. When I got him into shallow enough water to where I could touch bottom, I saw that he had crossed paths with one of the many fire ant balls floating along in the current. He was absolutely covered with them. As I pulled him out my buddies were running to help and started swiping wildly trying to get the ants off of the kid. We finally get all the ants off of him and he is just polka dotted with bites still incoherent from the shock. I wrapped him up in towels and carried him to my ATV and took him home.
His mother rushed out of the dilapidated trailer they lived in and glared at me like a demon. I had never seen such a mixture of emotions on a human beings face. She carried him inside and called 911. An ambulance came and took him about 20 minutes later. I didn't see him on the bus or at school for months and no one was ever at his house when I would try to find out how he was doing. Right at the end of the year he was back on the bus. I asked how he was doing and what all had happened. He said that his parents had forbade him from coming anywhere near me or any of my friends. I never spoke to him again and his mother never thanked me for saving his life. I'm still not sure if they just blamed me for the whole deal or what.
My beautiful D has a dance compition this weekend and S a fun Cubscouts event. W will have D and I will have S. I hate thinking of these as seperation things. I guess I better get used to it for now.
Thank you for being kind to Charlie. Thank you for sticking up for and protecting Charlie. Thank you for saving Charlie's life. Your a good guy 2, you have a big heart. Your a hero and I am proud to call you my friend.
I'm sorry you have to miss your daughters event. I went to many dance competitions. I miss those days, when they were little, they are so cute.
I'm looking at land around Santa Fe, New Mexico. If this marriage doesn't make it, I'll go there and make metal art. Do you know anything about that area. I think you said you lived around there. Any info would be helpful. Be well 2
I'll tell you what mu, if my M keeps on this track I may join you. Thanks for being a friend . I actually live closer to Houston right now. I'm not the most tech savvy guy but I wish I could put a picture on here somehow. I cut out a 3ft tall abstract portrait of Clint Eastwood out of 16 ga. today. It turned out pretty badass. I found a translator software that can convert bitmaps and jpegs into dxf format. You still have to clean them up quite a bit but it works pretty good.
Ancaire lives near you. Have you seen her thread? I am working on my skill set and enjoying every minute of it. I have at least 2 1/2 years here, so I have time to learn more. I want to try a power hammer, english wheel and general metal forming skills. I'm tired, ttyl
I though she was around here somewhere . I have read through some of her sitch.
You will be a good metal magician, just keep at it. One of my famous quotes in the shop is " being a fabricator means never having to say you're sorry"
In other words you can always fix something made of steel
Wow! What a gorgeous weekend we are having. For those of you who are not in the south I'm sorry but the weather here now is stupendous.
WW is at a dance competition all weekend with D and S and I are enjoying the day. W called earlier to talk to S but we didn't speak. I don't expect to communicate with her at all until next week about logistics. I'm going back to do karaoke tonight with a female friend that I met last week. I know, I know. But I made it clear that we were just going to have fun and hang out. Nothing romantical
Instead of meeting with the girl I just met I ended up running into an old girlfriend of mine from highschool. She had a bunch of old pictures from back in the day at her place and she invited me over to look through them. I accepted the invite. We spent hours laughing and talking about the old days. She is a widow and lives with her D. Her husband died 7 years ago and she has been on her own since. I stayed the night with her and left early the next morning. The next day I was out and about I took my S to my moms house to stay the night.
I was headed back home to relax and she calls me wanting to know what I was doing. I told her I was going home to watch a movie. She said she wanted to hang out again. WW and D were out of town and S was taken care of so I said wth. I went back to her place and we watched movies and talked more. It was getting late and I knew that she was lonely. I ended up staying with her again and spent the next day together. We had a really great time and I laughed more in those two days than I have for months. I know that is treading on dangerous territory. I suppose I was lonely too.
Is this an indication of where your marriage is headed? Is the widow getting attached to you? Could she swoop in and try to steal you away from wife? Not judging, just wondering, more people, less control, more problems?
Hey bud,
Yeah, it's hard to say right now. My friend has been single for a long time and seems content that way. I didn't have any intentions of having feelings between us but you know how that can be. And no I do not want to complicate my sitch at all. Right now I am going to just be happy about reconnecting with a dear old friend and have a good time.
I went over this weekends events with my IC on Monday, she was excited that I had taken this step away from WW. She then asked me what I am going to do when WW comes around wanting to work on things because she thinks WW will get curious/jealous when she notices the shift in my attitude. I told her that I wasn't ready to do that just yet and it is going to take a big effort on her part to win me back.
WW has still made no effort to nail down a schedule with the kids. She still pays all the household bills and carries us all on her insurance. She really doesn't seem to want anything to change at the moment and I'm not sure what to think about it. I have been extremely dark for the past three weeks and we only communicate about the kids. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
Actually, the interaction with the old girlfriend is exactly what you need. Now you know that you'll be fine out there. Obviously this woman wants to pursue something with you. If you know there's no possibility of that then please don't string her along and hurt her. Still, you should continue the friendship. Get to know her better. In the end, a loyal ex-girlfriend widow that could turn out to be an amazing partner might outweigh a known cheating and cruel wife. At least you know you have options.
Thanks TX
There is definitely a marked difference in my attitude since the weekend, even my IC commented about how I looked different this time. I am not out to hurt anyone or string them along either it's just nice to catch up with her and remember the people we used to be. I'm sure I won't have any trouble finding a woman if and when it comes to that but I'm not so sure I want that for awhile. Being independent ain't so bad.
Thanks TX
There is definitely a marked difference in my attitude since the weekend, even my IC commented about how I looked different this time. I am not out to hurt anyone or string them along either it's just nice to catch up with her and remember the people we used to be. I'm sure I won't have any trouble finding a woman if and when it comes to that but I'm not so sure I want that for awhile. Being independent ain't so bad.