V is for Vanilla 25 - DivorceBusting.com

New thread

Links to old ones

All threads Vanilla

Abuse thread with Zelda

last post last thread

V

V, I was just catching up on your thread, somehow I missed some things and I am praying for your safety. I am not experienced in the art of rainbow love projectio, but I am visualizing you surrounded by a soft white light of protection. May you be safe and at peace, my friend, you put so much positivity and love into the world, may it come back to you multiplied.

Oh wow, I've missed out on some things in you life too sweet V.

I'd love to get to spend some alone time with your XH in a less than well lit alley.

Just to give him a few pointers on social graces.

Sending you a lot of love and protection.

PP

I am very sad about WH. I heard him rant in the background on a call. He was clearly drunk.

WH has destructive behaviours:

He drinks heavily
He drives under the influence
He smokes heavily
He gambles
He spends heavily
He eats, red meat, pork pies, crisps, chips, cheese, white bread, takeaways, junk food etc
He sleeps badly
He abuses others, rants and is destructive

In all likelihood this won't extend his life expectancy.

V

Hi Vanillia. Its ok to feel sad It's a very sad situation I like to think H will have his eureka moment and see why he's unhappy It very easy to blame others and other things but we all have to look inward when things don't improve when we are living a certain way

Higher power has a good bit of work to do with H and I have no doubt your sending positives thoughts his way. I'll join you for today , let's hope his destructive path is nearing an end

Stay strong Lady V. Your a good person

Take care. Rd xx

V...My thread is getting buried in extremely long posts, so I wanted to answer you over here. Sadly, low blood sugar isn't a problem. Mine's been on the high side of normal lately. I've since ditched carbs and am avoiding refined anything. It's been helping a bit, but with stress through the roof (until today, really) everything in my body has been off. I'm looking forward to seeing what some peace and meditation do to level everything out.

Sweet V - I am sorry you are feeling sad today. I will join RD in sending positive thoughts to your WH today. I pray for your strength and very sweet soul.

((((HUGS))))

Anc

I am type 2, long term markers have gone down from 9 to 6.5.

I still suffer from hypos, about two a month, blood sugar drops below 5. Hypo is a temporary state, it needs testing at the time of the hypo.

So just because your bloods are on the high is an indication that it could be a hypo. Hypos happen to those with unstable bloods and that means higher than normal sugars most of the time. In fact what you say makes it more likely you may have hypos.

V

Oh. Ok. I have a monitor here, so I'll start keeping track. That is really good info to be aware of!

Thank you.

I'm sorry V.

I wasn't aware that you still had to converse with him.

I watched Inside Out with my kids yesterday and now realize being sad is necessary and can bring the relief one needs in many different forms.

I just adore Inside Out.

I intend to own it and watch, watch watch.

Amazing stuff.

V

Originally Posted By: Ancaire

Oh. Ok. I have a monitor here, so I'll start keeping track. That is really good info to be aware of!

Thank you.

Test when you crave and remember could be a factor in the accident.

V

Originally Posted By: ep0215

Sweet V - I am sorry you are feeling sad today. I will join RD in sending positive thoughts to your WH today. I pray for your strength and very sweet soul.

((((HUGS))))

Despite all, I wish him peace and joy. I do want him to heal. For his sake and those around him. I loved who I thought he was and not who he is.

I will never allow myself to be abused again by anyone.

I have let go, dropped the rope. Clearly WH hasn't done that, as he wants cash.

I struggle to survive. I really do and I will it takes time and I move onwards and upwards.

V

Originally Posted By: mahhhty

I watched Inside Out with my kids yesterday and now realize being sad is necessary and can bring the relief one needs in many different forms.

I apologize to highjack this, but for those of us with kids, there is a great article on Inside Out:
****//greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_lessons_from_inside_out_to_discuss_with_kids

Before I go to your threads dear DB friends

I have had one off the most bizarre and extraordinary days of my entire existence on this planet and it has had absolutely nothing to do with WH!

1. The fraud department at my bank telephoned me at home, several cheques of mine had been compromised and irts their fault, they are waiving interest and charges on my account for three months and offering free banking for life!
I went down the to the bank and signed the paperwork
2. I have recruited a no 2: son of orange wed friend wants to look after mum is moving back and coming into business turned up this morning
3. The Hurricanes missed us last night. Who calls a hurricane Barnie in any case?
4. L rang she wants me to act as accountant for herr D clients who are in business
5. Four new clients walked in the door at the office, orange wed pal son dealt with them
6. My IT consultant walked in the door with his newly pregnant wife and she is paralegal qualified, another new recruit
7. Best client paid 50% on account
8. Second best client is now international, we have a new group as clients based in Dublin! Yes, yes , yes, I love Dublin
9. I am going to be a great aunt, and best of all the name of the child if a girl is going to be mine
10. I have a date, a genuine bona fide date with a male, and he has assured me he wants to marry me when he grows up. One of clients brought in their 7 year old and apparently he is in lurve with V.!

What an odd day.

Just thought I might share..........

V

I found myself under attack tonight on Mahhtys thread by someone I had never come across before.

georgia bulldogs insults V

I really don't know what to do about it.

It didn't feel like it was something I could agree to disagree on. It seemed very horrible.

I don't know if I should be upset or not. I sense judgement and criticism.

V

I am no longer going to be abused.

I think it's time to leave

V

Hey V, I just wanted to mention that I read that thread. I do not agree with the way gb bashes your approach. Period. There are better ways to say, 'I don't agree with V'. Period.

You have to do what makes you feel emotionally safe. That is first and foremost.

I will say There are A LOT of folks here who care for you very deeply, crazy since none of us have ever met or even know really squat about each other.

I hope today is a good day for you, I will have some breakfast tea instead of my second cup of coffee this morning and put you in my thoughts as I get the boys ready for school.

V, I'm sorry you're feeling upset about that post. I agree it's fine to disagree, but there is a level of courtesy we should all extend to each other, even when disagreeing.

I hope you don't decide to leave the forum V - you do bring sunshine into many lives here.

Take care xx

V ~ just wanted to say, it's all perspective. The first post you wrote me I perceived as being very 2 by 4 ish ( as they say here) - but maybe that is what I needed. Your most recent post was very comforting and really helped ( they both helped!)
When I read GB's post to Mahhty I thought "I love this guy" I totally related to his pragmatism. I also connected with that

Everyone has different gifts and the more we can all share then the more we benefit

V, so sorry that you are upset. I think your words and advice are always spot on and I look forward to reading your words of wisdom.

If others disagree, there is a way to do so politely. Hang in there, V. You are invaluable to many of us.

Hugs!

V, I was catching up and glad to see some things going good in life and then saddened to see how the forums have caused you stress.

Take care V and know the support you have offered many of us is appreciated and valued.

Lovely V,

I'm so sorry for your experience on the boards. I would indeed miss you greatly if chose not to return.

I do however appreciate your reasons and respect them.

Your absence will be felt. I hope you feel safe enough to return in time.

Rainbow love to you always V

From JellyBXXX (and sweet sadness)

V just wanted to say thanks for helping on my thread.

I grew balls to give W a shoulder rub yesterday , followed by grabbing her foot (nicely :)) and giving her a 30 minute foot massage. Just touching her bare skin was so nice, and gave me the proper horn!

You're advice to just do it very what I needed.

Onwards and upwards. I will try to introduce more 'physical' contact when I am next at home next weekend.

Please come back to the boards, you are well loved, and the UK folk need each other as we are a subtlety different culture to others.

Ps I'm not religious, but I am spiritual up to a point. I think religious folk are a bit wacko! Each to their own. Xx

V, I want to thank you for all of the kindness and support you have given me these last several months. You have taught me so much and pointed me in a better direction. Plus you make me laugh, on days when I thought laughter would be impossible.

I am sorry you had a negative experience and I hope you will come back if you feel it is right for you. (I am being selfish because I rely on your words so much!) Please be well and know that you are loved and missed.

Hi our sunshine V,

First - sorry your idiot WH can't see life before his nose. No need to say that he is the one losing life, but it is his own business and you have no control over his poor life choices.

Just would like to add, that in the most outrageous moments growing up with a father that would drink, scream, and put a lot of fear on people around him, I was the one to stand. Never back down to him, even knowing that he could just bust a big punch on my face.

This kind of people love (for some horrible reasons) get some level of pleasure once they can realize that the other person had "Fear". Do not back down to this Jerk. I know it is very hard for most people to stand up to the oppressor, but it is necessary.

I think you are doing the right thing, but be aware at all times, be prepare at all times. Coming from a country of so much violence, some of us women learned to have a spray in their purses. That won't kill the bastard, but will give you time to run, or at least kick him there.

Maybe you don't like this kind of stuff, but I did Karate for many years. Maybe I won't punch like the movies, but I can give a punch or two to make sure the other one will at least think I am better then I am at this.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that you "never back down" to this kind of people or they will think they can walk all over your life. I kept saying this to my mom and one day she called me and said that my dad was being very nice for quite a while. I was happy to hear and asked why it was happening.

She then told me that she got so mad with him that my words were the only thing he could hear. She then pushed him on a sofa chair and it broke when he fell on it.

She told me that he was extremely surprised of her reaction, but he backed down big time. And I am not instigating violence here, I am just saying that if you see or hear him, do not show fear, and he will always think twice about being malicious against you.

2nd - Sorry to hear about the board issue. In my humble opinion, not everyone agree with each other and this is a public place. So, the one that do not agree can say just that and don't be stupid about.

We are here to get help and survive real and serious life problems, we are here to give help that we think is most appropriate based in our own knowledge and experience.

You have been a anchor for many here and I read so many thank you notes to you because you made a difference in their lives when they most needed. As very well mine.

For me, maybe because my wild heart, I would say you should just "don't give a damn", if the one that don't agree can't be polite and just say it, then they are not even worthy the time for us to get upset.

Would you get out of the board because of one or stay here because of many? It's up to you, but you can see that it is not right to give so much power to the ones that attack us.

You have your opinion about some stuff in life, you put your best effort to give other some advice, it's the other person's choice to keep the advice or ignore it. The beauty of this board is that it is shared with many different backgrounds, believes, levels of education and so on, so instead of one point of view, we are offered to look in many directions, many options, and make our own mind as we learn a lot from different perspectives.

So V, again I would say, stand for V... the ones for me are my dear friends, the ones against me can all go to hell. And that's it..just it. Love yourself for what you are. Not everyone will love you for that, but then it is their own loss.

I love you a lot, you gave me some 2 x 4s before and I learned a lot from many words you wrote to me. And yes, it was my own choice to accept your words and love you for that.

Don't bother yourself with stupidities, instead enrich yourself knowing that you are loved by some.

Your nightmare will pass V, all the good things are already coming your way, V is for Victory. All the wounds and pain will be register as your certificate of wise life.

Laugh today, be crazy, do some insane, be happy because you are you.

{{{{{{{{{{{Vanilla}}}}}}}}}}}

With lots of hugs and love,
Pink

V, without you who is going to teach me all the British swear words? Ghost doesn't know them, he must be in a different social circle than you. Who is going to make me laugh with all the P and V references? I got some P last night by the way and am starting to think I might be better off on my own. See? You are the only one I can talk to about this.

Don't leave. Your voice is of soft kindness and encouragemt. Balances the newcomer after reading a post from me, don't ya think?

Seriously V, I have been in those shoes of feeling attacked, and it is horrible. Maybe in my dogmatic way, I have been guilty of making someone feel what you experienced from GB's post. I hope not, and my goal is never to hurt anyone or make them feel under attack.......but I know I speak frankly and it can be interpreted, (and has been) as harsh. I am not defending him, just saying that Perhaps I come across in similar style at times. Then I read one of V's post and tell myself to simmer down.

I hope you'll stay with us b/c of so many people you soothe......nstead of leaving b/c of one who didn't particularly like what you had to say.

((hugs))

Vanilla,

I just want to let you know that your comments and advice throughout this forum has helped me in many, many ways. Fair winds and following seas, my friend.

hi Ms V,

apologies - am not reading, was just here to respond to Huddy,NDY and had to drop by to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Our discussion, and your forthright analysis have seriously changed my life. You shone a light on my life so brilliant and true that it will never be darkened again in the same way.

BTW - not TG rhetoric - I'm Australian

-Py

I miss you! I hope everything is okay. I did read back a bit, and hope one ill-advised comment isn't keeping you away. I'm finally sticking up for myself...couldn't wait for you to see. All the positive energy you've sent my way is paying off.

I hope you're happy and well. I just miss you.

I miss you my friend. I hope all is well.

Hi Lady V, all well across the pond? I hope your absence is due to fatigue from evenings being swooned by some James Bond like character - or Rd.

Drop us an update when you get a moment.

Big hug,

PP

V. Please don't go. I haven't read the post you are referring to, but I have to say I couldn't have survived the past few months without your gentle encouragement and insight. You lifted a curtain for me that allowed me to face what I didn't believe existed and have brought me to a far less scary place.

I understand the need to take a break from the boards every now and again. I do so often. But please return. You are loved, respected, and an irreplaceable resources for many of us.

Be well, lovely V.

Hi V,

Hope every day has been a forward one for you. I miss you... we all miss you. You are more vulnerable then you think at these difficult time, but it is also the time to find the inner power and energy to stand tall and confident behind your believes.

Please, don't let a disagreement or a bad word to take you from lives that you can change for better. A good friend of mine sent me a "Horse Story".

To make it short it is like this: A beautiful horse fell in a deep empty well. His owner felt he couldn't save the horse and decided to buried him alive. The horse cried in desperation not knowing how to take himself out of the well. As the owner and his friends started throwing dirt on the well, the horse started shaking it off his back. As he did, he started stepping on the dirt, and instead of being buried alive, he used the dirt to built his way out of the hole.

You see, it does not matter how much rocks will come out way, it is what we do with it that counts.

Remember that many love you.

Thinking of you and whishing you the best.
Take care my friend.

Love,
Pink

H Lady V. Firstly re the post. .

People are on here for help and the poster you where helping appreciated that help. I don't quite understand why others feel the need to chime in on others efforts but it takes all sorts I suppose.

I read all your posts and you get spiritual to those whom you feel will benefit from it.

You have helped so many on here and it will be a sadder place without you.

I look forward to your advice in the future

Take care. Rd xx

I am in Ireland at the moment working and at a 60th party!

We go back tomorrow on the Ross ferry.

Drove across Ireland in the little Red Car with the engine warning light on and an idiot in a garage has poured oil in the wrong service port. Poor little car may be damaged. I just hope it gets us to the ferry. As long as we can get on it then they can push us off the other side and the AA will take us home.

What adventures we have had, myself and bestie!

I have an Irish admirer who is going to marry me, when he grows up! He is all of seven years old and loves dancing the jive.

I have processed the junk and find I am ok.

Much to report on the Fins and WH. I have the name and address of Maggotroni and if WH is living with her, her income will count on a needs basis.

Slowly, slowly. When this adventure is over there will be sunshine.

Very tired.

V

Love! JellyBXXX

V, so glad to hear from you! A visit to Ireland is on my bucket list, please have a pint in my name! You have been missed.

I saw you posted on Mahhty's page but didn't see this. I am so glad you are back and your are okay! Have a Guinness on me!

Thank you all for your many kindness especially and loving words.

I need space to absorb and renew. My responsibility to handle the PTSD that is triggered. In usual times, I would just go, silly stuff.

I have prayed for GB although it is his choice to accept that prayer. That's ok.

I am saddened also if I damaged my R with Mahhty and as I know I believe in warts and all, I don't cope very well with criticism that reminds me of WH. That is my responsibility to deal with it and I can face the pain and move forward. That is my choice to stand for the principles that I believe in.

Every one has the right to their view, and to express it as they see fit. I have the right to my feelings on it. They are mine and valid. I will not be abused, and if I feel I am I have the right to say as such. It works both ways in life. Free will is a fundamental principle I truly believe in that. I have learned a lesson and will hold back next time I have these feelings, i was alarmed enough that screaming banshee might emerage again so I retreated. This is a poor response and I can choose a better calmer path if this arises again. It may if I keep on being Vanilla!

So be it, it will be as it is.

V

V
I was going to comment on your crazy day at work with new walk-in clients and all (as a business owner that depends on crazy things like that - I know a single day like that can be a true turn-around).

But then to find new love in the same day - sheeesh. Doesn't get much better than that

I am so glad that you are here V - selfishly, for me you have been a driving and calming force in my journey.

Big Hug!!
u-turn

Good to see you posting V....I missed you my friend xx

Thank you Zephyr Sotto, Dawn, Julie and Jpeg, it has taken time and perspective is back. Time to move forward.

U I was given a whole kinder egg by my new beau plus gift inside. I WAS TOLD I did not have to share it with anyone. It was for me and I was allowed to save it for Xmas if I really wanted. I also got a picture drawn of me.

Green hair of course and a big smile.

V

Originally Posted By: JellyB

Lovely V,

I'm so sorry for your experience on the boards. I would indeed miss you greatly if chose not to return.

I do however appreciate your reasons and respect them.

Your absence will be felt. I hope you feel safe enough to return in time.

Rainbow love to you always V

From JellyBXXX (and sweet sadness)

Rainbow love back. We nearly had screaming banshee again. Near miss. There were times I thought I wonder what Jelly or Pho would think of.....

If RD can smile and post then that gives me courage, I drank a toast to you RD in the Emerald although this time I was nowhere near the Guinness factory. A Paddy's Irish later and a whole day of hanging over and I feel fine.

Phew......

From Vanilla and funny bunny.

Msd please understand how much you mean to me, how your strength has given me courage to heal. This path is a very difficult path and one of denial, once denial is broken, realisation doesn't make the abuse go away, in many ways it's very visibility makes it harder to deal with.

My fear is sometimes so great, so overwhelming it takes me over and I shake. I know it will pass as it always does!

I decided long ago not to disguise it and to face it as that really helps.

I cry a lot now too, I am no longer in shock and I think it's a sign of repair.

V

Originally Posted By: sandi2

Don't leave. Your voice is of soft kindness and encouragemt. Balances the newcomer after reading a post from me, don't ya think?

Seriously V, I have been in those shoes of feeling attacked, and it is horrible. Maybe in my dogmatic way, I have been guilty of making someone feel what you experienced from GB's post. I hope not, and my goal is never to hurt anyone or make them feel under attack.......but I know I speak frankly and it can be interpreted, (and has been) as harsh. I am not defending him, just saying that Perhaps I come across in similar style at times. Then I read one of V's post and tell myself to simmer down.

I hope you'll stay with us b/c of so many people you soothe......nstead of leaving b/c of one who didn't particularly like what you had to say.

((hugs))

Thank you Sandi, my IC says that as we get more spiritual and stronger that way, more challenges will come. I just trust that my reacations haven't caused upset to others. It isn't great not my most shining moment.

I spent some time reading around and found another site where there was a great deal of aggression and an open attack on Mrbond. It shocked me greatly, if he is around I would value his opinion on it. Ignore, fight back or what?

My stance is NC. I like the philosophy here, I like the respect, kindness and intelligent comment. The philosophy suits me and I do not believe in outing As to OW or OM partner in most cases it isn't going to repair ourselves or our M.

I have had disagreements here before with posters of strong views particularly on abuse issues, and I can handle it and often modify my view. All out drama makes me defensive in the flight fright or freeze scenario, I am a mixed bag. In this case fright which isn't great.

I have life lessons in this to learn, some garbage to clear and boundaries to set and stand by.

Sandi, I admire your stance, you are clear and precise in your this kind of situation. I am often far too softly spoken but I believe in working on self first and foremost. To be strong we often have to face our weakness, to move forward we often have to be still.

R can mend and M renew, waywards can reflect and grow too, in time. Often the best work is in detachment and letting go. Our hardest work is to do the internal development necessary to grow and become. I see it often remarkable progress in time of need.

Perhaps Newbies need a stronger stance than mine, although as you say a supportive voice eases the strain and sense of being alone.

Bless you Sandi, and I include your H and D is my votive.

V

Originally Posted By: Ancaire

I miss you! I hope everything is okay. I did read back a bit, and hope one ill-advised comment isn't keeping you away. I'm finally sticking up for myself...couldn't wait for you to see. All the positive energy you've sent my way is paying off.

I hope you're happy and well. I just miss you.

Anc, it is my reaction that made my issue. I am going to learn from it, I have to believe that I can.

Only time will tell.

I am very proud of you Anc, your journey has not been easy.

V

If ever there was proof of why your called Lady V , the last number of posts cement it forever.

Words can be hurtful even if that was not the core intent and written word easily taken badly without tone or the like

Your fragile after H and some days we can deal with things better than others

The end game is that Lady V is loved and respected by more than by not and I think that's a great place to be

As for the new R , I would advise caution as kinder eggs are not givien lightly and maybe this guy is moving a little fast.

While I'm no PLAYER , I would be a ladies man and only if I'm going all out would I pull the old kinder egg classic move !!!!!!!!!!!

Big hugs V. So glad your back. Take care. Rd xx

Welcome back V!

You have no idea how happy I am to see your kind soul back on the boards. Mainly because I'm selfish and I was afraid I'd lost the opportunity to talk to you... :P

(((Vanilla)))

I think your reaction was your reaction to an instigating comment in an arena that many of us have come to view as a safe and supportive place. I am especially glad that you have risen above it and are back.

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

I am saddened also if I damaged my R with Mahhty and as I know I believe in warts and all, I don't cope very well with criticism that reminds me of WH. That is my responsibility to deal with it and I can face the pain and move forward. That is my choice to stand for the principles that I believe in.

V -
There is no reason to have any ill thoughts about our R. I am sorry if I reinforced that idea. I appreciate your support as much today as any day in the past. I apologize for my prolonged absence. I was tied up with family, renovations and the holiday.

I appreciate your voice, as it is very different from my own. That is what intrigues me and I see as a possible avenue for additional growth. I am also very appreciative of the time you have invested in me. Words can not describe how grateful and thankful I am for all those people who have read my ramblings over the last year.

Thank you V.

Quote:

I think your reaction was your reaction to an instigating comment in an arena that many of us have come to view as a safe and supportive place. I am especially glad that you have risen above it and are back.

Me too!

Originally Posted By: Pink17

Hi V,

Hope every day has been a forward one for you. I miss you... we all miss you. You are more vulnerable then you think at these difficult time, but it is also the time to find the inner power and energy to stand tall and confident behind your believes.

Please, don't let a disagreement or a bad word to take you from lives that you can change for better. A good friend of mine sent me a "Horse Story".

To make it short it is like this: A beautiful horse fell in a deep empty well. His owner felt he couldn't save the horse and decided to buried him alive. The horse cried in desperation not knowing how to take himself out of the well. As the owner and his friends started throwing dirt on the well, the horse started shaking it off his back. As he did, he started stepping on the dirt, and instead of being buried alive, he used the dirt to built his way out of the hole.

You see, it does not matter how much rocks will come out way, it is what we do with it that counts.

Remember that many love you.

Thinking of you and whishing you the best.
Take care my friend.

Love,
Pink

I love the horse analogy. Unfortunately this one poohs!

Tons of love to Pink.

V

Originally Posted By: isittoolate

V just wanted to say thanks for helping on my thread.

I grew balls to give W a shoulder rub yesterday , followed by grabbing her foot (nicely :)) and giving her a 30 minute foot massage. Just touching her bare skin was so nice, and gave me the proper horn!

You're advice to just do it very what I needed.

Onwards and upwards. I will try to introduce more 'physical' contact when I am next at home next weekend.

Please come back to the boards, you are well loved, and the UK folk need each other as we are a subtlety different culture to others.

Ps I'm not religious, but I am spiritual up to a point. I think religious folk are a bit wacko! Each to their own. Xx

I absolutely love this!

No concerns we can move on to the Nike Solution. The seductive moves scenarios and examine the barriers.

It may come in handy for you. Excuse the punny.

V

Originally Posted By: JulieH

(((Vanilla)))

I think your reaction was your reaction to an instigating comment in an arena that many of us have come to view as a safe and supportive place. I am especially glad that you have risen above it and are back.

Thank you, Julie I agree with all of this. I am learning so much here and I was missing all my friends on the board.

My journey is only just starting.

V

Hi V,

Our darling diamond is back, and with some spice stories in her pocket. Tough you would rob my RD's heart during your trip, but seems you had some merci on me this time.

I want to know more about your admirer and the date. Please, please, please tell us if you blushed.

Welcome back V, we love you!!!

Pink

HUGE welcome back hugs sent to you Lady V!

It's ok to take time to recharge and gather yourself after an unkind comment was sent your way.

I'm so glad you're back, this board wasn't the same without you. It was awful to think that after all you've given that you felt disrespected and unwanted around here.

Sending you love,

PP

So glad you are back and that you enjoyed what sounds like a little Irish adventure while you were away. Lady V, you are a wonderful role model and I know many of us are helped by your wisdom and insights. I'm SO glad you are back.

(((((V)))))

Same here.

V, you are a huge asset to the board!

Originally Posted By: Pink17

Hi V,

Our darling diamond is back, and with some spice stories in her pocket. Tough you would rob my RD's heart during your trip, but seems you had some merci on me this time.

I want to know more about your admirer and the date. Please, please, please tell us if you blushed.

Welcome back V, we love you!!!

Pink

I didn't blush!

Shameless hussy that I am. A half chewed chocolate is enough to send me giggling.

Description?

About 3 ft 6 inches, green eyes, sandy hair, broad smile, tartan trousers and a winning way with kinder eggs.

V

Thank you PP, Dawn and welcome to Vs thread gmum.

We also have thread parties on Vs thread.

Haven't said it for a while Moooooooose.

V

Much love V. Glad to see you back on the board.

V, you spice girl,

Seems like a winning ticket right there. Love the description. So, after some chocolate, there would be some hugs, hands???

Wow, I think I put myself on retirement too long already. I am getting myself blushed just to think about.

How great it is to be desired and cared by the new adventure. I am so glad you are giving yourself a chance to taste that kind of cheese.

Life is short and we all need to live our good days, proud of you my darling sweet pie.

Hope things are better situated by now and the good luck is going toward business as well.

V, you told me to be careful because RD is still married, but this whole RD story is itching like a B**ch inside of me. I am so tired of my idiot H always taking the next opportunity to stab a knife that I get all sassy about a new story.

Again, life is short and I have the adventurous feelings again. And with your story about this handsome prince, I am totally spring in the middle of the white west.

Love you so much V, a big huge hug for you darling.

Pink

Pink

EAs in this way are not real, they are based on what we want to believe. A distraction.

Like my sexy thoughts about Liam........

You are free to do as you please, to give your heart as you will. Absolutely you are and it is always your choice. You are also free to give it to XWH.

Or you can give it to yourself, to keep safe. If you work from love then it's ok.

I know that it's ok to be wishful when my beau is seven years old.

It's safe place.

I am not yet D and I will be free like Pink. Even so I will likely still be unready for a long time. Maybe I can choose to have an R when I am healed. In the meanwhile I dream of Liam.

This is the role RD plays for you, a meantime distraction.

V

Huh? What did I miss huh huh?

Hey nilla.....

Christmas party tomorrow and I'm hoping to wear the new boots.

So glad that you are back! You were missed!

Enjoy your party GG.

I missed you too di.

V

Many of us missed you V

There was too much love on here for you to be gone so I figured you would be back sooner or later.

We all need breaks from our sitch and the forums anyway, nothing wrong with that. It has a habit of surfacing the pain at times it should just stay down so we can heal a bit.

Hi V,

If you have the time and energy, can you pop by U-turn's thread.

Hope all is well!

JellyB xxx

Fogg, thank you, the warmth and understanding is get when my PTSD is triggered is important to my recovery.

I will handling this stuff better next time, I am sure that as Sandi says I post more then in this public forum, I will get openly criticised sometimes. I can choose to manage my reaction better.

Just takes times to get there.

Jellyb, I did as requested and visited U thread. You are observant, I sense some big shifts coming soon for U.

V

Thank you Lady V, I see you visited mine too. I will respond there.

There is much to write as sweet sadness is present and tornadoes are brewing...I am thinking in a good way, but feeling vulnerable and a little scared. . . but maybe excited too.

We understood the PTSD trigger too Lady V, this not easy stuff, gentle, gentle.

Much love and light V

I am thinking a DB Forum Christmas Party - mulled wine, christmas mince pies, eggnog and mistletoe for our US contingent, well us southern hemisphere folk well, we will bring the beer and pavlova, and of course dear Lady V lots of cheeeessseeeee.

JellyBXXX

Mooooooooose

V

Well it was a nice lunch, and I wore me boots nilla bit warm but natural coloured boots (how bout try shepplers and the item number 0454H6) and chocolate dress. Chifony over dress and was a op shop special from last year of only $5.

Very quick lunch and off to my arvo shift.

Had an incident with the young horse I'm breaking in which I fried his brains and he ran me over. I'm fine but boy had a headache yesterday bit stiff today.

Hope things are progressing for you.

Some how I missed your list above?

But I too get triggered from time to time, but it's been some time since the last time. I'm tying to stand up for me, to not give away my wants and needs to be nice and likeable.

I tend to just comprise myself into a corner, this I will not do anymore. There are ways to ask for needs etc and not have to beg and gravel.

When you come across ways and things that work for you things will fall in place.

Darling Gg,

I wish I had seen you in your boots and dress. Sounds wonderful.

You are doing a most awesome and sassy job for Gg, a true inspiration for us both.

Gg, the triggers can take many days to calm down. In this cas two weeks and I am still twitchy.

V

I look to you and Dawn for my GAL inspiration.

I Googled the boots. Gorgeous, you have inspired me.

V

Hey V, how are things with your clients...i recall a lot of stress at work?

Friday is here, hope you enjoy the weekend!

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

I Googled the boots. Gorgeous, you have inspired me.

V

When it comes to these sorts of things I am the worst enabler ever!
I love my boots and boy wanted them for so long too.....

Mind you some of my mates have done the same to me, enabled the whole make up shoes etc. xh2 hated me to have more than one pair of shoes. Now at last count 17 not including slippers, thongs, crocs gum boots and work shoes,

I have added about 6 pairs, then more bling thongs and normal thongs plus boots.

Hi V, Just thought I'd stop by and say hello. I hope all is well.

Originally Posted By: Zephyr

Hey V, how are things with your clients...i recall a lot of stress at work?

Friday is here, hope you enjoy the weekend!

I am working very hard indeed to turn around the Fins. That means almost every second counts.

Zephyr, it's still stressful as I am sorting WH accounting and posting. Every few days I tackle a couple of issues.
Reconciliations and so on.

I find myself paniced and anxious every time I do: it's like a Gordion knot, cash entries made incorrectly, different to the transfer sheets. All designed to deliberately confuse and hide cash withdrawals. Expenses in the wrong place.

Client accounts not reconciled.

This last week I brought all my VAT returns up to date as otherwise there will be penalties. However this weekend I discovered that the VAT on the contractors invoices has never been analysed so the VAT is overpaid. Contractors have had some invoices paid twice and others not at all. It's no wonder everyone including me is confused. (VAT is a purchase tax on goods bought).

Regrettably it can't be left. I did think about starting over as if WH had not been there but that gives another set of issues.

Luckily, my posting since 2 May 2015 is very clean and also before Jan 2014. Leaving 15 months of a gap of WH nonsense.

My next thing to tackle is the VAT account. I may rec at 31 Jan 2016.

Too much info.......

I still have my accounts to do list and I am keep the resolved stuff up to date.

So it's going very slowly but inching forward.

I still suffer with serious migraines with the stress, I can manage a few hours then I need to go do other things. Today I reconciled the contractors and paid them the missing balances on months unpaid.

This is good news as it shows willing and I have no idea why Dec 2014 invoice wasn't paid but later ones were. Or why one contractor is consistently paid 10 different. Or why invoices were overpaid or underpaid. I have taken the view small over payments stay overpaid. Underpayments are now paid.

There are no control sheets completed. They are now!

As time goes on I sense less wrigglies will emerge from those opened cans.

You never know.

V

Thanks for dropping in Mutatio.

Have a great weekend.

V

Hi, Vanilla! I had to drop by and read up on you. I'm happy to say I'm doing kind of okay. My grief is less intense. My anger is less intense. My sense of humor is returning.

You are my rock. Thank you so much for being there for me. I will never forget that.

Remind me, when are you getting to go on the trip to Ireland? I'm placing a vacation to the islands over there on my bucket list. My first item! I've always wanted to go. I like Ireland, Scotland, and England for various reasons. I would love to just go and explore. Not sure I can understand the natives, though...their English is awful! (Totally joking here. LOL)

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

.

So it's going very slowly but inching forward.

I still suffer with serious migraines with the stress, I can manage a few hours then I need to go do other things. Today I reconciled the contractors and paid them the missing balances on months unpaid.

This is good news as it shows willing and I have no idea why Dec 2014 invoice wasn't paid but later ones were. Or why one contractor is consistently paid 10 different. Or why invoices were overpaid or underpaid. I have taken the view small over payments stay overpaid. Underpayments are now paid.

There are no control sheets completed. They are now!

As time goes on I sense less wrigglies will emerge from those opened cans.

You never know.

V

Sorry to hear about the headaches.

I am glad you are able to work through all of the nonsense with the invoices and taxes. Not a necessarily fun task.

Originally Posted By: Ancaire

Hi, Vanilla! I had to drop by and read up on you. I'm happy to say I'm doing kind of okay. My grief is less intense. My anger is less intense. My sense of humor is returning.

You are my rock. Thank you so much for being there for me. I will never forget that.

Remind me, when are you getting to go on the trip to Ireland? I'm placing a vacation to the islands over there on my bucket list. My first item! I've always wanted to go. I like Ireland, Scotland, and England for various reasons. I would love to just go and explore. Not sure I can understand the natives, though...their English is awful! (Totally joking here. LOL)

You are welcome and I want you to be safe.

I went to Ireland, but I am going back.

You can come to the big house, there is apple trees and lots of tea.

I promise to loose my cut crystal accent! Actually my accent is soft and Northern, like the Coronation Street soap actors. Sort of musical and lilting.

V

Good evening Lady V,

I know it seems like you have so many baby steps to take yet, and each one drains your body a bit more and more. You're taking them though. We read how you pay this bill, settle that account, put out that fire. You've got the largest mountain of all of us to climb.

But you're climbing it with grace dear V. Not only are you checking all of your won boxes, but you're also helping all of us check ours.

Does a hot bath or shower help your migraines? I've heard it does.

Sending you lots of American love,

PP

H V,

I am sorry to hear you still have so much trouble with the accounts, but also happy to hear you are not letting go and is fighting to make tomorrow a better place for yourself.

V, abuse is something that affects the core of a human being, these are deep wounds that won't heal, they just stay inside dormant like a volcano.

I hope you find some peace on something you do that is not relate to work. Work is somewhat the constant reminder of the abuser, the direct connection of years of lies, neglect, distorted truth, mistrust and so much more.

I really wish you could give you a hand and make it less painful to you. That things would be resolved and you could breath with easy for once.

Although I also remember that lady V is strong and will do it all. She will conquer one more victory. In between the lines we can read that you are taking one day at a time, one trouble at a time and slowly but surely you are resolving it.

I am proud of you and I see that like me there are many in here that would love to have a cup of tea with you and laugh at our own disgraces and feel better because we are still fighting for what is right for us.

Please V, just be always aware of your body and the limitations it impose on you. Be constant but don't overdue, it takes a toll on your body and makes it weak. How is your sugar levels these days? If it swings with hypoglycemia, it sure can give you lots of migraines, so check it often to avoid other problems.

Love you and respect you for all what you have been enduring. Even if it is in the cyber world, be sure that someone thinks about you and is proud you are a strong person, a beautiful person.

Hugs to you,
Pink

Originally Posted By: Vanilla

Fogg, thank you, the warmth and understanding is get when my PTSD is triggered is important to my recovery.

Is PTSD what is happening to me right now? i will talk more on my thread, but I came here because my anxiety has increased to match where i was last spring and it feels unmanageable at times. And the first thing i read is this.

I'm surviving--pushing through--but I have not handled things well in a few areas including H.

Hi V and Msd! I know for certain I am dealing with PTSD in one very specific area. I'm sure more will reveal themselves in time. Darn it.

The moment the sheriff came to arrest me at my home was the absolute most horrifying thing I could imagine. I started bawling right then and there. I am now nearly frozen in fear when the doorbell rings. My heart jumps and starts beating more erratically than normal. I can't breathe. I get cold and clammy. H witnessed this one time, immediately figured out why I was so afraid, and thoughtfully hurt himself laughing at me.

I hated him for that. He and his group of thugs had me thrown in jail for divorce games, the congestive heart failure is so much worse now, I'll likely battle fear of the doorbell for quite some time...and it's funny. I'm hating him at this moment.

I just take deep breaths through it right now, but it takes me a long time to settle down after. Any tips?

Lovely Lady V,

I read your post on Mutatio's thread this morning. I know that in your past psychology was a place you saw yourself in at one time. And I know you are an avid reader and information and knowledge excites you. You have a natural talent and aptitude for understanding the human psyche.

I too have a similar talent (please don't judge me on my inability to apply it to myself - doctor heal thyself and all), but I don't have the brillance you have in simplifying it to the written form and to focus it for someone like you do. Your clarity is inspiring.

I feel the other thing you do that I am not so confident about it expressing it. It is evidenced in my report writing at work sometimes. I am too tentative, worried to offend and cause more pain. Sometimes I find clients staying to long in one place, because I am skirting around an issue and not posing a direct question that is obvious in needing to be asked and answered. What a dissevice. Because as we both know people will do what they will with what you pose based on their readiness to see what they must for themselves.

Sorry for the side step from Ancaire and Msd conversation about PSTD. Which lets be honest it's a conversation I could well drop in on. I did however want to acknowledge you.

As always Lady V thank you for what you do here. Who you are here.

JellyB XXX

I'm going to have to second that, Jelly! V is a gift to us here. I'm learning so much from her, and gain so much comfort from knowing that she's out there, caring about me.

Love you, V!

V, hope you are well, we miss you!!!
((((((V))))))
Pink

Hi V, I came by to check on you wondering how my DB friends were doing. Just a short note to say thank you again for your insight and support during those awful months. Being on the other side of that fog is amazing.

I hope you can close your book on WH forever, very soon.

I think of you lots. Xoxo

Sending you love Lady V, I hope you're writing checks and getting people squared away and then taking a long weekend to yourself.

Big hug,

PP

And a Hello from me too V. I hope you will manage to take a nice Xmas break and enjoy some mince pies and mulled wine.

Do check in when you get chance, and let us know how you are doing.

Xx

Thank you for your posts.

I am ok, doing a short technical course on trauma at my old Alma mater college, with a visiting lecturer from Boston and an per college prof who is at Penn, leading the workshop sessions.

It is within driving distance from home and I can save the accommodation cost.

Very very interesting.

May do more of this, plus gives me Internet and local library access if I join convocation. Save me a fortune on technology and books!

They also have a visiting selection of speakers, tutors and inaugural talks.

I am thinking about a further advanced part time degree, perhaps a second masters. Unsure.

V

Originally Posted By: Zelda09

Hi V, I came by to check on you wondering how my DB friends were doing. Just a short note to say thank you again for your insight and support during those awful months. Being on the other side of that fog is amazing.

I hope you can close your book on WH forever, very soon.

I think of you lots. Xoxo

You are welcome Z. I miss you when you are away and am glad you let us know how you are.

Hugs

V

New thread

Next thread

Thank you Sotto and PP, I am really looking forward to leaving this thread and moving on.

Ironic how adversity helps us build resistance.

Anc, Jellyb and Pink, I just admire you so much. Part of my tribe.

Hugs and rainbows

V