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Posted By: Vanilla V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/24/15 10:16 PM
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Abuse threads with Zelda

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in progress fins, business and emotions

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/24/15 10:22 PM
From last thread
Originally Posted By: Fogg
V, just wanted to thank you and say what a great help you are to everyone on the board. It inspires me to help those on this path more also.

Glad your GAL is picking up, I'm still a bit behind and my time is severely limited with work and kids. I'm find myself needing to prioritize my time in a way I never had before and I still waste much time doing not much at all. That is shifting slowly smile

The story about where name vanilla comes from has come into my thoughts a few times over the last few days. Its something I've never heard of before.


Thank you Fogg, that's really good to hear.

I do have to say one year ago I knew a little bit, and certainly didn't practice the skills much. Pouting here has improved, my grammar, spelling and other skills.

I learn so much from posting to others especially evaluating other posters responses too.

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/25/15 11:16 AM
The clocks went back last night, it's cold, I forgot to put the heating and hot water on. I need a bath.

So I am a very lazy V indeed. Lying in bed posting. And I gave myself yesterday as a free day. I moochef, then went to a friend's birthday party. I ate a huge piece of cake, not good for a diabetic.

I will have backache and wasted muscles. I am wasting the day and there is so much to be done.

I downloaded the affair first series from Amazon Prime, I also had to buy a new sky WiFi box mine no longer works. And a new loo seat for the rented house.

Some items to return to the shops, maybe I should do that instead?

I didn't write down my daily goals last night so no focus today.

So I am going to put the heating and those wretched purple bed socks on and get to it.

I am quite down at the moment, once again it's my fins. No cash to pay for anything. Too much to do.

I hope I can get through this very soon.

Cash won't start to flow until I invoice, I could do some of that today.

I posted this on another thread and I can remind myself of it:


There are two days about which we should not worry,
Two days which should be kept free of fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY,
With its mistakes and cares,
Its faults and blunders,
Its aches and pains.
YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY.
We cannot undo a single act we performed;
We cannot erase a single word we said.
YESTERDAY is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW
With its possible adversities, its burdens, its larger promise.
TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.

TOMORROW, the sun will rise,
Either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds,
But it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW
For it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day – TODAY.
Any man can fight the battles of just one day.
It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities
– YESTERDAY and TOMORROW –
That we break down.

It is not the experience of TODAY that drives men mad.
It is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY
And the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.

Let us, therefore, live but ONE day at a time.


So using my current power phrase Go girl, go girl, go girl.

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/25/15 11:38 AM
Key post from last thread, Avanti and V on V's fins. Still my major issue and it's worse this month than last.

----------------------------

I am struggling, the Fins are awful.

So are the Swedish, but what's that got to do with it? :-)

Now then.....

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My sleep is disrupted and I struggle every day as more and more crap from WH piles up and up. Saw L yesterday, she wants to go on the offensive and to offset the increase in WH pension scheme against my settlement.

I just want this over, done finished.

The deception, lies and out and out manipulation is becoming very clear.

I feel so stupid not to have seen it.

You are being unnecessarily tough on yourself and if you saw someone doing that what would you say to them?

I would probably say, evaluate the truth in it and make a plan, instead of just sitting with your head up your jacksie, complaining. Plus - life is very short, why waste more time thinking about a waster? Go enjoy life.

So here it is:

Plan for turnaround in Fins

What is causing the issue? I work hard and yes I GAL too. PMA is positive but in these mornings, I wake at 7 and sit and veg out until nearly 10 because I feel so overwhelmed. Once up and 'at it' I am ok. Its the getting to it which is an issue. Sleep is possible but not restful.

Whenever I tackle the books I see the damage WH has done and I fall into a funk about it. These are triggers for me, spending cash on himself when the bills remain unpaid.

If I can just suck it up and get it done then I can file the paperwork and invoices and I will never have to look at it again unless HMRC asks a question. At least I wont have to post items from bank statements arising from WH period anymore.

It is the reconciliations that are needed.

One of my problems is WH moved money around the accounts without really leaving a proper paper trail. It takes hours to track a transaction around. The current paperwork is fine as I do that myself, it isn't in a good enough state to delegate any of it. There are now paying in books with copies of transfers, nothing is missing. Accounts are named properly and transfers done properly.If I have to transfer say 1000, one of the tricks is to make the transfer an odd sum so transfer 1010.28 for 1000 transferred on 28 October. Each transfer is unique and trackable. Makes life easier!

WH worked from spreadsheets which are non functional, without dates and descriptions. He kept accusing me of not having accounting systems, untrue, we have been using the same accounting package since 2003 and it is on virtual servers. He just preferred his spreadsheets which have almost no value. they are unusable and the information is incomplete. All transfers are called transfers, duh! Its like saving letters in word with the title 'letter', doesn't say who to, what for, when, where or why. I am never opening his spreadsheets again, they confuse me very much and putting them right will take too much effort, so I have started again, from scratch. This means 18 months of reposting and reconciling. i am almost there. I need to push it home.

Every drawer, cupboard and zipper file I opened had invoices in it. Some going back up to two years. Unsorted, duplicates and a big mess. This I sorted, so with the very odd exception its now only current stuff which is filed about once every two weeks. this will now be done on a Friday. Every Friday.

I need changes for me.

Those changes need to be now and need to be fast. The Fins (really Avanti!), I think its because I get it 80% done and then never finish my own Fins. So here is what I am going to do, every weekend from Thursday afternoon until Monday morning I will work on my Fins and nothing else until everything is cleared. Only Saturday night GAL. A member of staff is coming in to help me on Sunday- at home. Every spare minute will be spent on my Fins not client work. Its not in that bad a shape. Its just posting of accounts to be done.


--------------------------------------------
The iPad is annoying. It's not the end of the world, you seem to be very unlucky as I've not had any issues with them. When IT goes mad it's usually because you filled up the storage, is the iPad quite full?

Sadly no, there is loads of space. It's the wifi and bluetooth not working I think.

Part of the problem is that WH 'wiped' all the info from 2 ipads and 2 iphones, quite deliberately in my view. I just don't know what is coming next!!!!

I use iexplorer to clear it to my laptop. I now have a 'cheapie' Samsung and with my chromecast I should be able to do lots of projecting to my Samsung TVs. I love technology and could loose my self for hours in it.


-----------------------------------
Your very very very very exceedingly WH and his shenanigans is all part of the package and you are taking it personally, what would you say to someone who asked you what they do, if they were in your position?

I would say 'yes, I get it' and 'nothing you can do'.

Sadly abuse isnt like that, I get flashbacks and trauma hitting me, and I will recover, I am learning as many recovery techniques as I possibly can. I will pay it forward here. I have been on this board a year and I have learned as much in one year as I have learned in the whole of my life. I also have learned to express myself a little, my early posts here were in accounts style and slightly precise. I have learned that I have an on line personality and a way of expressing which has spilled over into my ordinary life.

I decided last week to visit the supermarket where I last had my major breakdown- this was after reviewing this on the board. I thought it was time I faced my distress and tackled it head on. I even bought apple juice, which I gave away. It took a lot out of me and set me back for a couple of days. On Tuesday I will go again and I will keep on doing it until I am free of the fear. I am developing some techniques which I will share. I think they will be very useful.


---------------------------------------------

Time to turn that V. Incisiveness inwards, you know the answers are there, hopefully we can help you to gain access to them.

Yes, I know. I need action not activity!

----------------------------------------

For what it's worth, I think your glam sis's situation is weighing you down as all the information you have on her is verbal. Isn't it time to go and see her, for you and for her?

Yes, you are right although we face time. Glam sis is very overweight (UK size 16, US size 14) at the moment and it concerns me. I have arranged that she is coming down with favourite cousin to the Brighton flat soon where we do girlie. She wants to do Xmas shopping in the Brighton Laines (which are amazing by the way).

---------------------------------------

Thank you for your post, I see Avanti, you are doing a V probe on V!!!

--------------------------------

Still my issue, I feel no further forward. Still so much work and all I want to do is rest.

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/25/15 11:40 AM
Friends birthday party last night was only 250 yards from where WH used to live, his old family house. I also had to pass by the venue we used to go dancing.

I think it's triggered me.

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/25/15 11:43 AM
Originally Posted By: Avanti
Originally Posted By: Fogg
I'm find myself needing to prioritize my time in a way I never had before and I still waste much time doing not much at all. That is shifting slowly smile

Fogg, it is easy to mistakenly see, using the benefit hindsight, letting things be for a while as wasting time. Don't be hard on yourself, you did the right thing at the time, now things are changing and so will your priorities and use of time.


Fogg, all we can do is follow the Today, Tomorrow and Yesterday guidance.

Let go.

V
Posted By: PigPen Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/25/15 04:03 PM
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
Friends birthday party last night was only 250 yards from where WH used to live, his old family house. I also had to pass by the venue we used to go dancing.

I think it's triggered me.

V


That's hard V, I'm sure it stirred you up despite how much of a pain in the arse your XH has been. Please breathe through it. The post about you lazily writing from bed made me happy as it means you're giving yourself some much needed rest.

You have much healing to do V, even though you've taken control of your sitch, put distance between you and XH, and brilliantly gotten your life untangled. Still there is a heart in there that needs mending. Triggers will point out where that hurt still lies.

I hope your heart is at ease again today, all day, and tomorrow too.

Big hug,

PP
Posted By: Dawn70 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/26/15 05:18 PM
Triggers are very hard, particularly when you have as a big a heart as our sweet lady V. I'm continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers and just know that you are going to come out alright. You are a strong lady! smile
Posted By: rd500 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/26/15 05:32 PM
Just to echo all the above.

Big hugs. Rd. xx
Posted By: ep0215 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/26/15 05:47 PM
Triggers are so hard. ((((HUGS))) You are always such a comfort to me, V. You are so strong and I am sure you have already picked yourself back up.
Posted By: gonegrl Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/26/15 06:11 PM
V, I wish I had something enlightening and helpful to say to you because you always have the best things to say to me, I just want to wish you a peaceful day and a reminder to practice self-care. Eat well, sleep, give yourself a break. You are awesome.
Posted By: Pink17 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/26/15 09:54 PM
Hello Sweet V,,

Hope your Today has been a little lighter then Yesterday and will be somewhat more fun Tomorrow.

I agree with all the analogy of yesterday, today and tomorrow. If at least we are run by a microprocessor and could just think so precise. But we are not, and we burn inside with the Yesterday pain mixed up with guilty. And we anguish Tomorrow and hope that we will be in peace and taste real happiness. So with all this in our heads, we are Lazy Today.

It's not a perfect world, not close to be a perfect life and we are far from perfect beings.

I guess the deal is to break things into departments. Now you are lazy V. Then you are a workaholic V, a little later you are a woman, a chef, a soldier, etc...

My IC told me that once you need to overcome what is inside of you, like pain, trauma, hate, anger, sadness... and still live in a normal world where you need to work, talk, see people, you need to break the day in several pieces. This way you feel less stressed out because you won't expect more done then what you have planned for each stuff.

Trauma is something permanent, it won't go away. What will happen is that you need to continue helping yourself in all the ways you can. Eventually something will click and you will feel OK with all this.

Everyone has there own time to heal, to let go, to forget and forgive, to make it not so important anymore.

So, don't be so hard on yourself. If finances are the most important, then tackle that first. Prioritize, know how to ask for help and accept the ones that are being offered.

There is only one thing that can't be resolved (at least for now) and it's Death. Anything else is manageable.

Never asked, but are you taking any ADs? They help, and they help a lot. Miracle little things that makes me a normal person to function in a not so normal world.

The only thing I wish and pray for is that you never let go. Life is wonderful and there is so much more to it then the people that hurt us. Learn from it, live it, cry on it and let go of all. One jerk out of your way will probably give space for two or more nice people to love you.

Believe that you are brave. Believe that you are a lovely person that has lots to offer. Believe that you do not deserve anything less then respect and caring. Believe that no matter what you can understand your Yesterday, hope and learn how to make your Tomorrow better and live today with 100% desire of being alive.

You said V, LIFE IS SHORT...so go girl, go girl, go girl.

Take good care after yourself V.
We all love you a lot,
Pink
Posted By: Pink17 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/26/15 09:55 PM
Oh, I forgot... I am a little jealous that you may meet my sweet Rd and give him some big hugs and kisses.

Pink
Posted By: gonegrl Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/27/15 12:11 AM
I like what Pink said about breaking the day into little pieces. A very good friend of mine who scraped me off the floor every day for the 3 months after BD and I believe saved my D's life by practically admitting her to the hospital on my behalf also right after BD, tells me frequently to break the day into small pieces, and look for the "gift" in each piece.

The gift might be a talk with a friend, a posting on this forum, a sunrise, a good cup of coffee, each piece of the day has a gift. Some days the day has to be broken into hours, some days can be morning, afternoon, and evening, it all depends on your state of mind that day. So, yes, break the day into pieces and look for the gift in each piece.

I hope you are having a good day filled with many gifts, V.
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/28/15 12:02 AM
Thank you Pink,

I believe this is important to do and know. I get quite tired sometimes. That is the way of it. I like chunking things down.

Pho, today was tiring, thank you for asking. I like the fact you are protecting yourself.


V
Posted By: rd500 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/28/15 12:24 AM
Just saying HI Recognise the tiredness and take the appropriate action


Stay strong. Rd xx
Posted By: PigPen Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/28/15 02:42 AM
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
Thank you Pink,

I believe this is important to do and know. I get quite tired sometimes. That is the way of it. I like chunking things down.

Pho, today was tiring, thank you for asking. I like the fact you are protecting yourself.


V


I hope you are getting some rest dear V. Please be kind to yourself and let your energy levels come back to where it should be.

Big hug,

PP
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/28/15 11:52 AM
PP

Yes, there are huge work backlogs Some issues are coing home to roost and I feel a little panic coming on.

My PA is away on holidays, and today I didn't waken until late.

I guess much work in the next period.

Overwhelm, quite justified overwhelm.

V
Posted By: rd500 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/28/15 11:57 AM
Hi. Vanillia. You can only get through what is possible. Take your time and do what you can , as you can. In a years time you will look back and reflect on the panic with different eyes.

I'm no accountant but can I advise to get invoicing down and out to clients first and then reorganise everything else. Cash flow is king.


Take care. Rd xx
Posted By: Pink17 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/28/15 03:23 PM
Hi V,

So energy levels are down. I work with a lot of diabetic patients and I see these comments all the time.

First, I need to ask if everything about your health is in check. Maybe it sounds like one more annoying thing in your To Do List, but it is the most important.

glucose levels, all the vitamins levels, thyroid checked, all acid levels, cholesterol (good and bad)... they all count a good chunk of your energy levels.

On the other hand, are you taking some anti depressants (even the minimum dose)? They help with that agonizing feeling of being overwhelmed.

Exercise...exercise... and a little more exercise... yes, it sound like we do not have time for it, but once you get at least a half an hour on it, then you feel like your time is increasing, because your energy increase and you are more productive. It's also good for your blood flow and your brain works a lot better.

It's easy? No,No,No... it's the hardest thing to get out buds out of the cough and go hard on your body, it's a lot easier to eat French fries. Is it impossible? No,No,No... it's not, it takes one day at a time and then you find yourself better and better and then you do it more.

Please V, I know very well what it is ... I will do it tomorrow. But some health issues are silent and you can't tell what is going on unless you are checked. At least a blood test every three months.

As my lovely RD said, money is king. And he is right. Stop this agony about not having the cash, feel depressed and then don't do the one thing that can get the cash flowing.

Get to the easy invoices first, the ones that are not loaded with troubles. Get that out of the way and out of the door, then as you wait the cash to start coming, get to the complicate ones.

Lately, I am writing one note for each thing I need to get accomplished. Sounds idiot? Not for me. I have three boys, a house, was left by my stupid H with all the responsibility, work full time, think about RD and need to deal with whatever hell comes my way.

The notes work well. I made a cork panel in a wall close to my kitchen and put all my cards there. Every time a card comes off the panel, it's a victory, it's an accomplishment. You may think I am in kindergarten mode but it works for us adults too.

Motivation does not just appear, it needs to come from inside of you, so you need to help to see what is there. I work with patient without one leg, some don't have two legs, others don't have arms (or both), I work with people that have MS and need braces in every part of their body. I have been learning a great deal of how to face my own problems without feeling overwhelmed.

Think it could be worse and at that instance you start feeling better and thanking (in my case God) that you have another day to be V, just V.

Please V, if you can spare some minutes, let us know about your health, so we can help to keep you in check.

Come on girl, you can do a lot more, stop the vicious circle of depression and anxiety, they are your worse enemies.

Love you lots V. ((((((((V)))))))))
Pink
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/28/15 07:27 PM
Post from Pink:


Hi V,

So energy levels are down. I work with a lot of diabetic patients and I see these comments all the time.

Yes I am type 2 familial, and it is well controlled. Been a great deal better since I started this low fructose diet. 50% of my food is vegetables these days. Gone from my diet starches. I do try to have liver once a week. And cheeeeeeeese is off the menu.

First, I need to ask if everything about your health is in check. Maybe it sounds like one more annoying thing in your To Do List, but it is the most important.

it is much better, but I still have weight to loose, and it is coming down but slowly.....
I agree, although I can tell you my fins have come first in the last two months. WH caused a great deal of destruction. On 2 November I will have been NC for 6 months. I am hoping this is another milestone.


glucose levels,

Much much better, coming in at about 6.2.

all the vitamins levels,

Vit D is an issue. I am still on 3000 iu a day and it is still only 29. It was at 8. The rest are fine, potassium slightly low and not abnormal.

thyroid checked,

I have no thyroid function since I had aggressive cervical cancer 15 years ago, the radio killed my thyroid, I take levo at 125 divided dose (250 a day). Cortisol is off the scale at moment, doc not bothered by that. Adrenalin ok.

One of the truly horrible things about this, is my hair drops out with stress. It is growing back a little. I thought I had a big bald patch and it proved to be pure white hair, I couldn't see it. I call that phase when I was ill my funny bunny phase. There is a lovely film about called Miss You Already. This sums up how I feel.



all acid levels,

I have never had this tested, I will research.

cholesterol (good and bad)...


I am told my ratio is superb. My heart is in good shape. The vast quantities of antibiotics I took for my tooth problem have caused a lot of issues. Yeast overgrowth and a colon ulcer for start. I do take extra good high strength gut bacteria tablet, the kind that goes through the acid in the tummy. Lots of live yogurt too. Doc says will take a couple of years to rebalance, I watched an Internet talk which said that poor gut bacteria levels have a very bad effect on health.

they all count a good chunk of your energy levels.

Thank you for caring, you are right.

On the other hand, are you taking some anti depressants (even the minimum dose)?

No, I find they have a paradoxical effect. They make me feel worse. I am not sad, just overburdened.


They help with that agonizing feeling of being overwhelmed.

I know that can be, although in my case, I really am overburdened! When my Fins are good, I will get some massages.

Exercise...exercise... and a little more exercise... yes, it sound like we do not have time for it, but once you get at least a half an hour on it, then you feel like your time is increasing, because your energy increase and you are more productive. It's also good for your blood flow and your brain works a lot better.

I do about 15 mins a day with weights. Was told to keep exercise really minimal for a while. When the clinical trial on the diet is finished then I can exercise like crazy. I was once slim and sassy, now I am a UK size 12, I don't like it.

It's easy? No,No,No... it's the hardest thing to get out buds out of the cough and go hard on your body, it's a lot easier to eat French fries.

My food and eating is superb most of the time Pink. I have even cut back on the wine! I find alcohol brings me down a couple of days after drinking. So now I don't drink much at all. Fried foods are off the menu. I am not keen on fries and fast food tastes and smells so yucky.

Is it impossible? No,No,No... it's not, it takes one day at a time and then you find yourself better and better and then you do it more.

Yes, Pink you are right about that. Absolutely.

Please V, I know very well what it is ... I will do it tomorrow. But some health issues are silent and you can't tell what is going on unless you are checked. At least a blood test every three months.

Luckily whilst I am on the trial that is happening!

As my lovely RD said, money is king. And he is right. Stop this agony about not having the cash, feel depressed and then don't do the one thing that can get the cash flowing.

He is, and WH made such a mess of the accounting over 3 or 4 years, I couldn't work out who had paid, what they were supposed to pay. The cash was in the wrong accounts. A real mess, I am gradually sorting it all out. It is taking time. In the meanwhile there are deadlines that can't be ignored. It's getting there with hard work.

Get to the easy invoices first, the ones that are not loaded with troubles.

That is what I am doing now. It would be helpful to be able to send out statements, reconcile time sheets etc. It is gradually moving forward. Heavens I have posted all the bank statements almost up to date. The piles of paper from WH drawers, duplicates, receipts have been sorted. Juse when I think it's all resolved I find another pile, scrappy notes and nonsense stuff. I am wading through it. I am a lucky lady I stopped this when I did. A couple more months and there would be no rescuing. WH created idiotic meaningless spreadsheets, without dates and no proper descriptions of items. He moved cash about without documenting it. Corrected entries incorrect try. Absolute mayhem!


Get that out of the way and out of the door, then as you wait the cash to start coming, get to the complicate ones.

Unfortunately the complex ones are the large ones! What I have been doing is invoicing my work as I go. Each unique piece as a separate item. The rest needs unpicking.

Lately, I am writing one note for each thing I need to get accomplished. Sounds idiot? Not for me.

Makes sense. I use Excel spreadsheets.

I have three boys, a house, was left by my stupid H with all the responsibility, work full time, think about RD and need to deal with whatever hell comes my way.


Careful Pink, you are free to have an EA and RD isn'the yet a free man.

The notes work well. I made a cork panel in a wall close to my kitchen and put all my cards there. Every time a card comes off the panel, it's a victory, it's an accomplishment. You may think I am in kindergarten mode but it works for us adults too.

I use a whiteboard and coloured pens!

Motivation does not just appear, it needs to come from inside of you, so you need to help to see what is there. I work with patient without one leg, some don't have two legs, others don't have arms (or both), I work with people that have MS and need braces in every part of their body. I have been learning a great deal of how to face my own problems without feeling overwhelmed.

Sounds very rewarding indeed. I just deal with those with broken money issues!


Think it could be worse and at that instance you start feeling better and thanking (in my case God) that you have another day to be V, just V.

One day at a time. It is moving forward just not fast enough for me. I do prioritise and it's a tough balance.

Please V, if you can spare some minutes, let us know about your health, so we can help to keep you in check.

Pink these are the things I think I need to tackle:

1.Nutrition
Vit D levels low
Keep sugar low
Alcohol minimal
Eat for the weight I want to be

2. Sleep
Maybe later nights
Eallier rising

3. Exercise
Keep with kettle balls
Up aerobic exercise when doc says ok
I do the program PP put together for me



Come on girl, you can do a lot more, stop the vicious circle of depression and anxiety, they are your worse enemies.

I don't think I am depressed, do I come across that way?, i just feel overwhelmed by all the workload although the damage by the abuse does tire me.

Love you lots V. ((((((((V)))))))))


Ditto. Thank you for caring Pink, I would value your feedback on the above, especially from someone who knows her stuff.


Pink
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/28/15 07:31 PM
RD,

Yes I know although I know impirically that I am not lazy, if I sleep in or am distracted then I feel quite guilty at the moment.

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/31/15 08:48 AM
Yesterday was a tough day.

The bank pulled my overdraft. I collected offffice furniture in a hired van and a bus drove in he side of it and the driver denied it, ( I wasn't in the van at the time).

Received the bill from my L needs paying in 7 days.

Once again no cash.

Off I go to invoice again today, payrolls need finishing. I have to get my own accounts sorted.

Too much going on.

Still off to the gym, new regime begins today in three quarters of an hour.

V
Posted By: Sotto Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/31/15 08:51 AM
Hi V, I'm sorry it was a tough day for you my friend. I hope today is a better one..

Soon the big house will be sold and your finances will settle down, your work will recover and your health will improve.

At the moment, you are engaging with some brutal reality, and have faith that things will ultimately work out well.

Make sure you take a little time to relax and recharge this weekend.

Take care xx
Posted By: JellyB Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/31/15 08:58 AM
Oh Lady V...much love and light xxx
Posted By: Fogg Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/31/15 10:54 AM
Sorry V, wish I could give you a real hug and help. You are an inspiration to us all and just motivated me to get up and get my [censored] together so I thank you. Through all of that you still manage to plan gym time and here I am with some equipment and a plan in my own home and I still ruminate on my sitch instead of focusing on improving me.

Praying things ease up soon to give you a rest from the stress.
Posted By: Ggrass Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/31/15 11:41 AM
Sometimes we should on ourselves too much nilla. No one else expects as much as we often do.

Just let some things work out in there own time.
Posted By: Di-mond Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/31/15 02:21 PM
Hey V,

I totally get the whole finance debacle. I'm running on monetary fumes. I don't want to leave the house right now because I can't afford the gas. I don't answer the house phone because I really don't want to hear how much I'm behind in paying my bills. Thankfully, closing on the house is in 24 days. After that I can pay off all my bills and start living again. I get so angry at my H that he put me in this position. I get angry at myself that I ever let it get this far. I was always so independent! What happened to me? For now I'm hibernating, but in less than a month I will emerge.

You are a strong, intelligent woman! This too shall pass! You are taking steps to correct your financial situation. It seems overwhelming right now, but it will come.
Posted By: u-turn Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/31/15 02:30 PM
Let's try this.

"Hey there higher power, don't mean to question your methods or anything, but don't you think Vanilla has had enough for now? Just and idea, but let's spread this pain out a little so she can heal - I will gladly take some for her, she has had her fair share - thanks!!"

But really V, I'm sorry this does not seem to be letting up. Please be strong and take care of yourself, and I'd gladly take some of this burden off of you if I could.

you are always in my thoughts. Peace

u-turn
Posted By: Ancaire Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/31/15 07:12 PM
Hello, sweet V! Just catching up on your thread. I understand that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed. I hope that eases up soon. Honestly, you amaze me! You do so much. I'm using you as one of my inspirations and role models as I begin healing and moving forward from the pain and trauma of my own life.

I truly hope you get WH's Fin mess cleaned up soon, so that it's over, and you never have to worry about it again. You deserve some peace and calm in that area.

Thanks so much for sharing your story the way you do. I know I'm not the only person here you inspire. smile
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 10/31/15 11:31 PM
Sotto, it never stops, still it is my choice to keep on fighting rather than give in. There is no interest in the Big House mainly because of the spiral stairs.

Jellyb rainbows back.

Fogg, I am glad I helped you move and energise. I am swimming and gyming again tomorrow, so if I inspire you tomorrow, that's ok.

GG, I know you work uber hard too, I am hoping you can borrow an artificial insemination kit or break into XWH house to get yours. Now that mysterious post will have visitors to your thread ooooozing curiousity.

Di, love the new name for a new incarnation!

U I often think Ii should have some of others burdens! You lovely sweet man, what a treasure you are.

Anc, thank you for your lovely words, I am here to support you as you move onwards through your sitch. Whatever happens I am still here for you. Keep on recording, keep on keeping on.

This mess is mine too you know, I let it happen, I froze as it took shape.

V



Posted By: Ancaire Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/01/15 02:14 AM
Big house? Spiral stairs? UK?

On my way!!!
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/01/15 03:48 AM
There is a spirit here at the house. It's my old black cat, I often see her back end going round corners, never her face. She may move with me but I guess she is locked to the house.

She was 24 years old when she died. At the end she had a stroke, got lost and I thought died somewhere but no, there was a sign in the local vets "elderly black female cat found, very very noisy, collect immediately." . After that she never left the house. She was named after a liquor as when she was a kitten and had no name, we were drinking an Irish cream called baileys and kitty put her head in the glass and got it stuck. She would follow any visitor around, my window cleaner asked "how many black cats do you have?", one I said. "Oh, every window I go to there is a black cat". She followed him around from window to window every time.

V
Posted By: Ancaire Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/01/15 04:21 AM
Great story! Bailey's is pretty popular this side of the pond, too. I actually have some...not that I'll be drinking it any time soon. smile
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/01/15 05:30 AM
Anc

Try cooking with it, as adding to ice cream or custard. Not good for diabetic so Xmas only!

V
Posted By: JellyB Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/01/15 06:14 AM
Bailey's cheeeeesecake....Hmmmmm delicious!
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/03/15 04:18 PM
Last couple of days, I have had severe PTSD reactions, including flooding and flashbacks. It's nightmares, it's my reptilian response and I am in survival mode, in constant on position.

I have felt sick, diarrhoea, freezing and dysregulation. I feel like I have been beaten up by Mohammed Ali, hyperalert, intrusive thoughts, insomnia. I feel so numb and miserable. I am afraid, this comes and goes. My doctor says its like shockwaves following an earthquake, I am fractured and unregulated in my emotions. He does say I am very strong emotionally and this would have broken most people. There is a fog and this is happening because I am no longer in combat mode, and this shows I am getting healed. It will take a long time. The memories are embedded and I am very traumatised. It is good that I don't get angry.

I need silence and nature around me. Sleep and rest.

It is my body and mind connecting and this needs managing, I have been meditating, I am going to stop and rest for a little while.

V
Posted By: Pink17 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/03/15 04:23 PM
Beautiful V,

You are doing wonders and working hard towards your freedom and a happier life.

I am too very proud of you and inspired by the courage you are showing us all.

This is all very difficult and you have the plus traumas from an abusive R. No one deserves this, but as you said we all have some responsibility for letting it happen and then letting it get out of control.

But this is life and maybe the way we learn and become better for ourselves. You are a fantastic person and I am sure that bit by bit you will put your life back together and have it the way it pleases you.

Love all your answers about your health and how you are taking good care after yourself. There is just so much you can do. The exercise is a HURRAY! so, so good for us all. Great job V.

Your pirate ship is getting a big clean up and soon we will see the Queen's ship w/a sharp, intelligent, smart and beautiful captain...

Love you lots,
Pink
Posted By: JellyB Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/03/15 10:11 PM
Lovely Lady V.

Your descriptions of your body and mental symptoms of trauma and healing are oh so familiar to me. Mental and emotional exhaustion does not completely crush a soul, however it is weighty.

The book The Healing Codes, talks about all illness and trauma being the result of "heart issues" and all healing occurs when these heart issues are healed. The book identifies a number of human virtues as healing, like Patience and Forgiveness. But that which heals the fastest and trumps all others is LOVE.

So Lady V, I intend to light a healing candle for you this evening and focus my nights meditations on some very healing rainbow tummy LOVE to you. I'm a Catholic girl at heart so I have a history of completing the rosary. So this will be my form of a Rosary to you and the Highpower, just for this time while you heal and regain your strength.

I am sure too there is enough love here on these boards for you dear Lady V to support you while you rest and sleep. Whatever work there needs to be done to make life a little easier and I am sure our positive DBing thoughts can move some mountains for you!

Much Love Lady V

JellyB xxx

Posted By: Bob723 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/04/15 05:42 AM
Lady V, talk to me! wink
Posted By: Ancaire Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/04/15 06:30 AM
Worried about you, V! I'm so sorry you're having a bad time right now. You're in my heart and on my mind. Get better soon, please.
Posted By: JulieH Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/04/15 03:36 PM
Vanilla

I hope you are getting the support you provide so selflessly to others. I do not have your wisdom to impart, but I am deeply concerned about the physical toll this has taken on you.

As I mentioned, I was in a very controlling and abusive ( occasionally physical) relationship close to 20 years ago. The nightmares still occur although they are very infrequent. For me, the hardest part was understanding why on earth I allowed someone to treat me that way. Allowing someone to treat me that way went against my own intellect and feminist views and I was mad at myself for allowing it to go on for so long and for being that "weak" and naive person.

I don't know if perhaps you feel similar? Do you ever look at it the way I just described...not intellectually, but deep down? If so, have you forgiven yourself for that lapse of internal strength? Also, Do you look and think of your body with love and kindness? (For example, instead of referring to an injured leg as the "bad" leg you refer to it as the right leg. ).

I just hope that you are able use the advise you give to others on your own wonderful self.

J
Posted By: rd500 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/04/15 11:53 PM
Hi vanillia. Just caught up and would really appreciate an update or even a quick post to let us know your ok.

I read your last post and feel your taking to much blame. / responsabty H was a sneaky , manipulative basta@d You are a caring , decent person How where you supposed to see his actions for what they were ????? You loved the man and having the privilege to getting to know you , maybe you still do.

Let go the blame you are carrying , it's not your burden to carry. I defend him in eaier days because your posts did not show his true character because at that point you couldn't see them. I'm a cynical type who has employed 100"s of people over the years and I gave your H the benefit of the doubt Yourl love made you blind and that's ok Your not blind now so let's move forward H is done. Please don't let his actions define you

I've been privileged to become a friend on line and trust me , H is the big loser here. With you he had a chance to recover and become the man he should be , without you be is going nowhere.

Sand I and job were good enough to clarify the rules on my thread and I'm always here , online or in real life if you need someone.

I worry ( like plenty of others ) that you are ok. I ask again for an update

How's Vanillia ..... Really ?

How's glam sis ????

How often do you see ghost of black cat ??? It must be heart warming to now she's still around

I hope a is well and you are taking time for you.

Huge hugs and take care Sis Rd. xxxx
Posted By: PigPen Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 01:14 AM
Lady V, are you well?

Sounds like you've got an awful infection or something big is passing though you. Please try to rest and let your body work its healing. You've been through SO much and give to no end on this board.

Please let us know that you are ok when you have a free moment.

Sending love,

PP
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 01:31 AM
I am ok, WH cross filed for divorce so now we have two petitions running.

His grounds are that I wouldn't sleep with him! (We are not talking ML here, we are talking sharing a bed).

I alienated his friends and family.

I refused to go on holiday.

I lived a single life and wouldn't go out drinking with him.

Oh yes and I asked him to leave on May 2 2015.

-----------------------

I agree with him I wouldn't sleep with a drunken womanising abuser, who smokes and uses dating websites.

I also decided no more holidays after the fiasco in October 2014.

Actually I had no life as for living a single life, it wasn't me that went drinking every night. In the end though I did want him gone and was very relieved. I work 70 plus hours a week to keep the show on the road.

As for alienating his friends and family WH told me they hated me and didn't want me around. He cancelled the swimming membership I paid for his granddaughters. I don't know any of his friends, only one CF.

And he left, I didn't ask him to, but I can say I am sorry.

Pants on fire.........


I really dislike this, what a terrible sitch.

It's time to stand for the truth.

V
Posted By: JellyB Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 01:36 AM
Lady V...let it be heard and let it reign! XXX JellyB
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 01:42 AM
Originally Posted By: Bob723
Lady V, talk to me! wink


What would you like to know Bob?

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 01:47 AM
Originally Posted By: JellyB
Lady V...let it be heard and let it reign! XXX JellyB


Jelly thank you for your kindness and the rainbow strength, and the votive. I need all the love and care that I can get at this time.

Life is a little strange.

V
Posted By: Ancaire Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 01:51 AM
V - sending you love and care. I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch.
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 01:54 AM
[quote=PigPen]Lady V, are you well?

Tired PP, and very exhausted.

Sounds like you've got an awful infection or something big is passing though you.

I do feel grotty.

Please try to rest and let your body work its healing.

I will do so.

You've been through SO much and give to no end on this board.

Thats lovely of you to say, I do believe in paying it forward.

Please let us know that you are ok when you have a free moment.

I would love to say I am 100% and that would be untrue, the V barometer is at about 40% but rising as I read all of the lovely kind posts.

Sending love,

Returned x100

PP
Posted By: JellyB Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 02:20 AM
V, no thanks is necessary....you held me through many moments of my life being a little strange. My rainbow strength was ignited by a flash of light and love from you. It seems only right to send some back your way. I wish I lived closer and could offer more practical support.

Your sitch reminds me of mother's experience with my father. My mother's account would be that it felt like a never ending cycle. I remember the anxiety she had of what would be next. In a constant state of hyperviglence, fight, flight or freeze. I now see my mother's PSTD symptoms that I managed through my late teenage years.

Maybe it is the way of the compulsive, as you know my father was a compulsive gambler like your STBX. How I remember it, was that my father could never lose and everything was a competition and he had to fight till he won. But as you said V, the truth is important. In the end it is what was my father's undoing. My mother had kept clear evidence of everything based on advice from a court appointed family therapist, who had seen us as a family. This included police reports and photos, evidence from my school that my father had been visitng the school grounds while a restraining order was in place against him.


My father was a compulsive liar and his version of the truth and his behaviour (no lawyer would take on his case in the end as he was so difficult to deal with, 4 lawyers in total and ended up representing himself), ultimately provided my mother with the outcome she wanted. Which was to be left alone and never to have contact with him ever again.

V my mother walked away with a roof over her children's head and the contents of the house. That was enough if it meant he was out of our lives.

Your testament of truth will set you free and bring this to an end. The goal will be keeping you healthy in the meantime. RD would be there in a mintue if you needed him. In fact I know most people here would. Please catch up with him in Ireland. Let him be the helping hand we all want to be, and let him give the healing hugs that we all want to provide to lift you up and heal your heart and body.

I guess I write too much, in the hope that I can convey how much I truly care.

I'll be quiet now.

Another candle lighting tonight Lady V


Much love

JellyB XXX

Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 02:31 AM
Hi vanillia. Just caught up and would really appreciate an update or even a quick post to let us know your ok.

I read your last post and feel your taking to much blame. / responsibility.

I often wonder if I both took on too much and too little. I didn't reinforce my boundaries when WH ranted. I also wish I had recorded more of WH rants.

H was a sneaky , manipulative basta@d You are a caring , decent person.

RD largely that's true, I do have my sad moments when I let myself down and need to adjust and review. WH is empty inside, like Gollum, we should be wary and also be praying for him.

How where you supposed to see his actions for what they were ?????

I could have enforced my boundaries a little more.And I did have my screaming banshee phase too.

You loved the man and having the privilege to getting to know you , maybe you still do.

I love of course, but the love I have is for a dream, for M, for R and for memories.

Let go the blame you are carrying , it's not your burden to carry.

A little of it is, and the financial burden is mine now.

I defend him in eaier days because your posts did not show his true character because at that point you couldn't see them.

I know, I only saw my own faults.


I'm a cynical type who has employed 100"s of people over the years and I gave your H the benefit of the doubt .

I still do.

Your love made you blind and that's ok. Your not blind now so let's move forward. H is done. Please don't let his actions define you.

My actions define me, not his.

I've been privileged to become a friend on line and trust me , H is the big loser here. With you he had a chance to recover and become the man he should be, without you be is going nowhere.

WH will survive that's his type, and RD sad to say he isn't interested in becoming.

Sandi and job were good enough to clarify the rules on my thread and I'm always here , online or in real life if you need someone.

Thank you RD, dearest Internet bruv.

I worry ( like plenty of others ) that you are ok.

I am just tired because of overwork, but it will resolve itself I know this. please don't worry, trust me enough to know that if I need help I will ask for it. I am strong enough to be honest about my feelings.

I ask again for an update

How's Vanillia ..... Really ?

Suffering from PTSD

How's glam sis ????

Still unwell and off sick from work. She is healing too and has been told to lose weight and get well.

How often do you see ghost of black cat ???

Mainly when I am tired or after a glass of vino! I jest of course, but about once every month. She is gradually passing over as her visits are less and less.

It must be heart warming to now she's still around

RD it is wonderful to know she is still around the house, it comforts me.

I hope all is well and you are taking time for you.

I am working too hard but I am coping.

Huge hugs and take care Sis Rd. xxxx

Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 03:05 AM
Vanilla

I hope you are getting the support you provide so selflessly to others.

I am loved and supported.


I do not have your wisdom to impart, but I am deeply concerned about the physical toll this has taken on you.

A year ago I knew very little of this stuff and certainly didn't understand it..

As I mentioned, I was in a very controlling and abusive (occasionally physical) relationship close to 20 years ago.

You did and it's troubling even historically. WH didn't ever hit me but he pushed me around and flat fist punched me. He manhandled me , threatened and intimidated me..

The nightmares still occur although they are very infrequent.

Are they flashback dreams, vivid dreams? Real? Mine are so real I wake feeling it's actually happening.

For me, the hardest part was understanding why on earth I allowed someone to treat me that way. Allowing someone to treat me that way went against my own intellect and feminist views and I was mad at myself for allowing it to go on for so long and for being that "weak" and naive person.

I wished I understood the importance of strong boundaries. It would have made a difference.

I don't know if perhaps you feel similar?

Yes I do.

Do you ever look at it the way I just described...not intellectually, but deep down?

I feel very deeply and then next time I am numb, it makes little sense, other than in the context of PTSD and I never want to see WH again.

If so, have you forgiven yourself for that lapse of internal strength?

No, I haven't, although I will get nearer resolution and acceptance. I need to D.

Also, Do you look and think of your body with love and kindness? (For example, instead of referring to an injured leg as the "bad" leg you refer to it as the right leg. )

No, I see a very fat, balding ugly person. Sometimes I see my face and it isn't me. I dissociate. mainly my body carries my mind around. The things I like about me is that I haven't fine mind, although I seem like I am tackling things, some stuff gets parked.

I just hope that you are able use the advise you give to others on your own wonderful self.

Julie, I do now, it's taken a lot of effort to understand things and recognise them, in some ways I have to be careful now that I am not too blunt or direct with others.
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 08:39 AM
Anc, I posted my thanks on your thread.

V
Posted By: Pink17 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 03:36 PM
Lovely V,

I read your words and I can just remember the time fear was the only feeling I had in my heart growing up with my father.

I prayed for his death many times when I was a kid. He did not die but instead I had to learn the hard way to be a strong person.

For every bad stuff that happen in our lives, there is a good thing that will develop inside us. Maybe because I am a believer of God, I see that our trials are just steps to grow our spirit and learn deeply about ourselves.

The whole torture you went through will be better used if you start facing it as a learning process, a PHD degree in Life University.

It's not any kind of advice V, it is just what I learned living different situations. The best thing when turmoil is upon us, is to stop for a few minutes and see what is the positive in all of this.

I know it is hard, but there are small treasures in life that means more then any big ones. You have the power to turn things around, if it hurts is because you are feeling and learning. At some point you will look at yourself and say "Yes, I am V, with good and bad, but I am V and to hell everything and everyone that don't like it, there are plenty that like and I choose to respect and live my life in my own meanings".

Maybe it is just a gray zone right now, resolving so many issues that can't be put aside, but your time will came and peace will be inside of you.

My father did traumatize my mom and sisters and brother and myself, but I do no wish to have his same end. Alone, sick, and living with a big wound inside his heart trying to catch up with life and love. He died with nothing, knowing that he lost a lot and wanting it all.

My mom by other hand, had a rough very bad two years after finally declaring her independency, she had psychiatric help after I insist so much she needed to "clean the house" as I said. She faced her own demons and got to meet a very pleasant lady, with a heart bigger then herself.

She does not want anyone in her life, I know she will love my father to her grave, but she is in peace with herself and has a big desire to live, love, feel gorgeous, be a girl, help others, laugh and dance.

Life is hard now, but remember that time won't stop and it will be better tomorrow. You decide when you are ready to let go on all this hell. You are V, just V, and that alone is enough reason to be happy.

I know there are gaps, weight to lose, house to clean, work to do, but there is V too, and the best of it is that no one will ever tell you what to do or push you around anymore.

You got it girl, have a bad day, cry, scream, cry a little more and then emerge from the ashes and be the woman only fools would not want around.

We love you V, we are here for you. You deserve better and we can say this until our fingers fall off, but it is only you that will decide when enough is enough and face it heads up, just being V.

Love, hugs, big love, big hugs, a good British cup of tea and more love, more hugs... are you feeling better, did I get a smile by now? If not, a tiny piece of cheese... and here we go, I bet I got a smile. Now, look at yourself, set your goals, navigate the stormy ocean and be proud that you will emerge strong in the other side.

Your friend,
Pink
Posted By: JulieH Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 04:25 PM
V

I refer to that abusive relationship as me being conned and him being a con artist. It was Just a heist. I Always wondered why I was susebtible to that type of treatment, but I never looked into it, just moved on. Reflecting back I think me and perhaps you too had a lot of love to offer and wanted to believe the best in someone. We had trust in them because we were trustworthy ourselves. We believed in them more then In ourselves and I think it's because we just loved and didn't understand how others could be cruel. I dont know why we allowed someone to treat us that way, but I wish I had more to offer you. I have read, and I am sure you did too, that abusers use similar tactics that cult leaders do in order to maintain control (mine did something so awful to maintain control but I will share another time). i know you know already that this is their shame, not yours nor mine. But sometimes it helps to remind ourselves. Also, its easy to be mad at ourselves for that lapse of judgment. We knew better. We are smart, educated, etc. But that type of control plays on more then that. So i know its easy to say, but forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. Hopefully we will learn from them.

I work to help people recover from injuries and physical impairments. I am so surprised by how different people heal and recover function, despite the extent of the injury. Whenever someone says something like "oh this stupid arm" I try to redirect them. Vanilla, I think if you start speaking and looking upon your body with kindness it will respond in like. You are more then just a cerebral being. You are a whole.
Posted By: JellyB Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 05:33 PM
Pink and JulieH ....LOVE in action. Amazing posts!!!

Thinking Rainbow Love for you today V...


JellyB XXX
Posted By: mustardseed Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/05/15 05:50 PM
Originally Posted By: JellyB
Pink and JulieH ....LOVE in action. Amazing posts!!!

Thinking Rainbow Love for you today V...


JellyB XXX


I agree! 1000 times over.
Posted By: Old Dog Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/07/15 01:09 AM
V, if I were to say to you E386 this weekend. I'm sure you know what I mean. Up to you.

OD xx
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/07/15 01:01 PM
OD

I am going to sort it, when some invoices get paid this week we can consider.

Sadly my first debt collection this week, the rent bounced but I scraped enough to pay it. Struggling to pay the L too. Staff still unpaid, no chequers or transfers from clients yesterday. Fins are so tight I am eating from the freezer and have the heating off.

I will not give in.

I will post later today. I am working today.

V
Posted By: Dawn70 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/07/15 01:41 PM
Hi V! Sending love and hugs from across the pond. I've been keeping up but don't really have anything earth-shattering to add. Praying for you, your health and well-being. Hang in there! ((((V))))
Posted By: u-turn Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/07/15 01:56 PM
Vanilla
chip, chip, chip....
keep chipping away at that big block of marble, keep removing all the parts that are not necessary for the V sculpture that you are making.

You know what you want it to look like and you will find it in there. Though it takes time and patience and hard work. the amazing and beautiful V sculpture is in that block somewhere and you will find it.

Kind of like my new book you are challenging me with.

You are in my thoughts - take care of yourself.
u-turn
Posted By: Old Dog Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/07/15 02:34 PM
V, I'm sorry you're struggling. You don't deserve so much so much crap. One day. One day. You'll get there.

OD xx
Posted By: Di-mond Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/07/15 03:19 PM
V,

All I can say is one day at a time! We can do this!

*hugs*

Diana
Posted By: Zephyr Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/07/15 08:40 PM
Sending all the positive energy I can spare V. You give so much around here... thank you!
Posted By: rd500 Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/08/15 12:04 AM
Loads of support on here Lady V. Fins are a struggle but you will get there Did you get the invoice s out ? What about the customers ( new ) looking for your companies services. How about asking for cash up fron the new customers. I do this with smaller customers and its 80% to 20% in favour If they say no then ok

Keep on keeping on Vanlia. We all need you to be ok for selfish and non selfish reasons

Take care. Rd. x
Posted By: JellyB Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/08/15 08:02 AM
Another candle and another shower of Rainbow tummy love V. Hope you have had some rest and a moment of peace.

JellyB XXX (Kia Kaha - Maori word - Stay Strong)
Posted By: gonegrl Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/08/15 03:09 PM
Wishing you much love and peace on this Sunday morning V. I hope you are getting some much needed rest and taking some breaks from work to have fun.
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/09/15 03:11 AM
Originally Posted By: Old Dog
V, if I were to say to you E386 this weekend. I'm sure you know what I mean. Up to you.

OD xx


Next time OD, I will go to Camber, sadly I couldn't afford the time nor money......

I love my dancing, so it will be fun, did you do double trouble? My very favourite class, I did the man's part last time. Such fun!

I am so envious of you going dancing.

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/09/15 03:15 AM
Originally Posted By: JellyB
Pink and JulieH ....LOVE in action. Amazing posts!!!

Thinking Rainbow Love for you today V...


JellyB XXX


I am so lucky to know I have such love support and joy. Of course it helps to work hard.

I have worked all weekend and I inch forward gradually. I hope I can squeeze through the gap and gradually cut costs.

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/09/15 03:18 AM
Originally Posted By: u-turn
Vanilla
chip, chip, chip....
keep chipping away at that big block of marble, keep removing all the parts that are not necessary for the V sculpture that you are making.

You know what you want it to look like and you will find it in there. Though it takes time and patience and hard work. the amazing and beautiful V sculpture is in that block somewhere and you will find it.

Kind of like my new book you are challenging me with.

You are in my thoughts - take care of yourself.
u-turn


I love this image. Carving my future, how delicious.

V
Posted By: JellyB Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/09/15 03:18 AM
An inch is all takes to win sometimes V. JellyB XXX
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/09/15 03:27 AM
Dawn, pho, JellyB, Di thank you for you strength and care aLloyd the support and posts really do help. Absolutely

Zephyr welcome to my thread, I think your first post.

WH had a PF (poisonous friend) ring me today to say nothing but emptiness. So I said, my L has told me to minimise contact and so I have done it. I think this is my first sign that WH is understanding he has no control.

When this is all over I will post the grounds on the abuse thread, as the way L has handled this is indicative of an L who deals with abuse sitches.

Let's move forward and on even if it is an inch.

There are times JellyB when an inch makes a big difference! cool

V

Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/09/15 03:37 AM
Loads of support on here Lady V.

I am very grateful for every post, it helps it really does.


Fins are a struggle but you will get there.

As long as the cash coming in edges the cash going out.

Did you get the invoice s out ?

Every day more, big and little invoices are going out but it takes time for clients to pay.

What about the customers ( new ) looking for your companies services.

I have a waiting list and more work than I can handle.

How about asking for cash up fron the new customers. I do this with smaller customers and its 80% to 20% in favour If they say no then ok

Professional ethics won't let us bill this way. If we do invoice up front then the cash must go into a client account.

Keep on keeping on Vanilla. We all need you to be ok for selfish and non selfish reasons

And I have selfish reasons for wanting to stay.

Take care. Rd. x
Posted By: PigPen Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/09/15 04:08 AM
Stay strong Lady V. It sounds like you're back on your feet and are starting to make progress with you business. You're truly like the Little Engine That Could with all that you have going on in business life.

Big health giving hug,

PP
Posted By: mutatio Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/09/15 01:22 PM
Hi V, I hope your faring well. I am ready, willing and able to explore my mind. If you would like to engage me post your questions in my usually spot. I have gained insight from your exploratory line of questioning and hope we may continue. Be well.
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/10/15 07:56 AM
Mutatio
I will be back to V in a couple of days, I am processing some client issues and of course my fins and WH. Pleased to help, take your time, your mind develops understanding using space

I hope Thursday is ok?

Thanks PP, I have recovered a little when junk starts then I spin a little.

V
Posted By: mutatio Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/10/15 11:08 AM
As long as you remain in my life take any and all the time you need. You are important part of my evolution and development. Vanilla, you are very kind to help me, thank you.
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/10/15 10:50 PM
Mutatio

My absolute pleasure and delight. I am honoured.

V
Posted By: JellyB Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/13/15 07:33 AM
Hi V,

I see you are popping in and out catching up on sitches. I take this as a sign that you feeling an increase in energy. I hope this is the case. I have enjoyed my candle lighting vigil over the last little while. I have extended my meditations to consider a few others here and IRL.

When you feel able, let us know how your are travelling.

More rainbow belly love.

Jellybxxx
Posted By: Ancaire Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/14/15 05:52 AM
V, thank you for reaching out to me. I didn't want to accept what was right in front of me. I grew up with that crap (abuse), and swore I wouldn't accept it as an adult....and yet somehow, I did. You are absolutely correct...now that I know, I cannot unknow.

Your warmth, support, and caring? Invaluable to me...more priceless than you will ever know. I wanted to give up so very badly, yet you lovingly showed me a better path.

I'm on a journey now...the journey of a lifetime. My emotions are still all over the place, but I know one thing for certain. I must go forward, chaotic emotions and all. I feel certain there is a destiny for me ahead, something I could never have imagined - but I can only reach it after I've completed my healing.

I've learned so much from you, and I've barely gotten started. I am encouraged by your story and your willingness to share. People like you often work tirelessly for others with little thanks, yet you never have that expectation to receive thanks. I want to thank you, though. From the bottom of my heart, you have my gratitude for opening my eyes and gently nudging me on this journey.

I have so much excitement about where this road will lead!
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/14/15 06:32 PM
JellyB thank you for the candles, rainbow love and great supportive posts. I have needed them.

I have been silent although there has been a development.

WH had a friend text and ring me last Sunday. I didn't answer the call and the phone recorded 10 minutes of what was going on in the background.

WH was ranting at his friend and threatening me directly. Wanting to cause me harm because he believes I owe him cash. I don't it's actually the other way round. This is quite frightening for me. My L is pressing for a tighter non molestation order.

WH has been seen in the village. I am very afraid of this man and now he has threatened me and it's recorded by accident. But it is.

I text my response to his friend " there is nothing about you that I want to know, please do not contact me again"

Then I blocked her.

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/14/15 06:39 PM
Originally Posted By: Ancaire
V, thank you for reaching out to me. I didn't want to accept what was right in front of me. I grew up with that crap (abuse), and swore I wouldn't accept it as an adult....and yet somehow, I did. You are absolutely correct...now that I know, I cannot unknow.

Your warmth, support, and caring? Invaluable to me...more priceless than you will ever know. I wanted to give up so very badly, yet you lovingly showed me a better path.

I'm on a journey now...the journey of a lifetime. My emotions are still all over the place, but I know one thing for certain. I must go forward, chaotic emotions and all. I feel certain there is a destiny for me ahead, something I could never have imagined - but I can only reach it after I've completed my healing.

I've learned so much from you, and I've barely gotten started. I am encouraged by your story and your willingness to share. People like you often work tirelessly for others with little thanks, yet you never have that expectation to receive thanks. I want to thank you, though. From the bottom of my heart, you have my gratitude for opening my eyes and gently nudging me on this journey.

I have so much excitement about where this road will lead!


Thank you Anc, I look forward to more lovely, wonderful interactions. It has been my great pleasure to part of your journey to you.

I absolutely know you pay it forward. There are only a handful of us here in abuse sitches and it takes a great deal of effort to support a target. Even those of us in recovery struggle. I am sad you are here and glad you are here for our benefit and your sake.

If that makes sense?

My great pride to see you grow, I look forward to your posts with great healing, we have only just begun.

V
Posted By: JellyB Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/14/15 06:58 PM
V I am so sorry to hear this has been your experience.

You are well versed in your safety plan and a lawyers intervention is required as you said. I am not sure if this behaviour would meet a threshold for a breach of your order. It definitely would here in NZ and warrant at the least a conversation between himself and police officer.

The hyper-vigilence and re-triggering this type of behaviour creates is so unsettling for the mind and soul. I appreciate fully the level of fear this behaviour likely creates in you. My mother, myself and siblings experienced similar outbursts from my father and his friends. Building your sense of safety and personal control of it, will take some time. But not beyond the power of V and her higher power.

I hope you find some solace and safety here in the DB community. We love you so very much.

You have been an anchor point for me so many time. Given me perspective when I have needed it, and sign posts and light to a pathway to self love. The road had been very dark V. I followed that beautiful Vanilla scent. And look where I am. LOL

I know it is not my place, but I have strong personal investment in your happiness and freedom from where you are now. I know your faith is strong too V that with all things, this too shall pass.



much love as always JellyBxxx

Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/14/15 07:29 PM
JellyB

Links for pho

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=userposts&view=started&id=37282

V
Posted By: RAI Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/15/15 06:18 AM
Hey V,

Just checking in to say hello. I am sorry about the most recent development. It seems like we are both looking over our shoulders. Please please take good care of yourself.

RAI
Posted By: Ancaire Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/15/15 07:04 AM
V, just curious...why do you and Jelly refer to rainbow love? I keep picturing the Teletubbies every time I see it. (Hours and hours of that show x5 kids!)

Somehow, I don't believe you two are referring to either creepy dancing dolls or Gay Pride. Am I right?
Posted By: Sotto Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/15/15 08:57 AM
Ugh V - I'm sorry to hear to this....that can't have been a nice thing for you to hear. I think the right thing is to pass it along to your L so due steps can be taken. Also, do take due security precautions yourself won't you? Does the organisation which offered you early support and counselling have any further assistance available?

Take care V xx
Posted By: Ggrass Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/15/15 09:05 AM
Oh dear nilla,

That's sounding tense. Hope things settle down and h disappears Into the sunset without anymore drama.
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/15/15 06:04 PM
Originally Posted By: Ancaire
V, just curious...why do you and Jelly refer to rainbow love? I keep picturing the Teletubbies every time I see it. (Hours and hours of that show x5 kids!)

Somehow, I don't believe you two are referring to either creepy dancing dolls or Gay Pride. Am I right?


This is both wonderful and dangerous. A couple of warnings, we only project strength and love when another accepts that projection. Secondly we can only do so from a place of strength and cleansing.

Otherwise we project to someone whose idea of love and strength is different to our own and in addition we project our rubbish.

JellyB and I agree on rainbow strength and love, JellyB cleansed used candles and sent rainbows from her tummy, or lower chakra. This sends warmth and strength. Rainbows are positive for both of us.

Sometimes I send strength, say prayers or meditate. If the other knows then they can choose to absorb that or not. One should never project unless the other is aware and receptive. I believe I have offered my strength to you when things were truly weakening you, you can chose to open the door to it if you wish. That strength to you is more like laser light than rainbows. Rainbows are very healing. Laser style adds energy when another is in danger.

Here is how it is done, we ground ourselves feet to the floor, then go to our soul centre, gathering our best thoughts. Then we observe the other and send to them our very best. JellyB and I send via rainbows.

Projecting is agreed between two people. I used to wrap WH in warmth and love when he was angry, however this caused him to enjoy being angry it made it pleasurable for him, he enjoyed anger with a warm glow!

------------------------------

This is the safest way from the Chakra systems – 7 or more energy centres of the human body (One on each place – by the head, forehead, throat, heart, chest, naval, and groin/ base of spine – where the crown chakra of the head is always connected to the higher energies, and the base chakra is connected to the grounding energies of the Earth!).

One way of sending Love & light and strength is to use the Chakras. First, it is important to ground and centre, then ensure that you are connected to the higher and lower (crown and base) energies, then make sure that energy is flowing through all the chakras, and that they are all balance – then begin any sort of healing work. This is done from a clean safe mind.

And in this respect, you may find it useful to charge up your Heart Chakra from energies from above and energies from the Earth below (this is after all the one in the middle, with 3 chakras above and 3 below) – and `project’ that energy from the heart chakra to the person you wish to send it to.

A variation on this – ) – is to send the energy from your heart Chakra, to the heart chakra of the other person this is short distance only. This can be considered `interfering’ so only do this if you have permission or request from that other person, and only to be used if you are absolutely clear and experienced about handling your own transpersonal projections of personal emotional stuff!

Sending Light (the Star connection)

We are all made of Star dust! Stars of old had been born, grown and exploded as Supernova, and their dust and ashes have hung around for millions of years and coalesced to form new planets and stars.. and one of those planets is Earth, and we are born of all the particles and molecules found on Earth! So, we are made of Star Dust!

What this means, is that at one point in the distant past – the atoms and molecules that make up our body now – have been inside Stars, and shining, and producing light!

That light is within us.

So esoterically and magically speaking, the light of those stars gone by – still lay within us. Although humans and animals and plants are now mass-objects now, we are all full of light.


And energy of that sort can have a purpose or message etched into it as it is produced – Healing, energising, love, Compassion, hope, inspiration!

The above is adapted from my notes originating somewhere in cyberspace!

Does that help?
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/15/15 06:31 PM
I am going to be a little alternative again, I sense I have touched on this before but I believe in healing from the physiology upwards.

The biological mechanism is epigenetics a new scientific field which explores switching on and off genes for healing. Largely at the moment looking at nutrition and short chain amino acids, generated from damaged RNA. Genes switch on and off.

Genetic disposition need not be destiny. It is my new field of study. I intend to be as young as I can for my age using hyper nutrition and minimal effective dose of hormones, vitamins and specific exercise.

It's a fascinating field.

As part of the discovery I investigated some more holistic methods and uncovered Deepak Choprange and his Quantum healing, this involves examining our internal state and healing how we are.

I am developing my own metaphors for my use and have found that some things in epigenetics link to higher spirit and healing. It may be that calming our system, meditating, thinking, gratitude, love and other work affect our nervous and hormonal systems. In terms of ill health this keeps the tipping point further up the fulcrum.

I am enjoying an abuse Quantum healing course which includes meditation, journaling, and examining my FOO issues. Studying is one of my major ways of calming my mind and I love TED talks.

Even screaming banshee gets engaged.

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/15/15 06:37 PM
Originally Posted By: Sotto
Ugh V - I'm sorry to hear to this....that can't have been a nice thing for you to hear. I think the right thing is to pass it along to your L so due steps can be taken. Also, do take due security precautions yourself won't you? Does the organisation which offered you early support and counselling have any further assistance available?

Take care V xx


Thank you Sotto, it is with L, she was horrified by it.

I have a harassment letter going to WH through L. We have turned down mediation, which is mandated in the UK except in abuse sitch.

The organisation you talk of that does Freedom support is crisis only. I don't need crisis and as resources are limited, it's largely volunteers then I prefer not to block a slot.

I may consider volunteering when I understand much more about it.

I want more IC when I am in funds. In the meanwhile I do my Gamanon.

V
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/15/15 06:41 PM
Originally Posted By: Ggrass
Oh dear nilla,

That's sounding tense. Hope things settle down and h disappears Into the sunset without anymore drama.


Well Gg, I prefer he goes to Italy to his married OW. Pink has a TauC, I have a Maggotroni.

This A stuff is truly international. I have her name and address, I could go for naming a co-respondent if I wanted. She doesn't know he is M, although she is.....

Makes me think, what a douche and a bag.

V
Posted By: Ancaire Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/15/15 07:27 PM
Thank you for the explanation, V. Yes, it does help - and is fascinating. So much to learn, so little time!!!
Posted By: Vanilla Re: V is for Vanilla 24 - 11/15/15 10:30 PM
New thread

First post V is for Vanilla 25


V
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