I recommend a listen to this one if you've never heard it - see if it doesn't put a smile on your face. Florence & the Machine, Dog Days are Over.
Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid it 'round corners and she hid it under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run
Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come
And I never wanted anything from you
Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh
Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back
Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come
Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run
Hello friends, I am back from a trip of a life time. And I think I worked out some more in my head, and am feeling very upbeat.
And there was a lovely fling with a great Dane. That also helped.
My house was broken into while I was away, but I am blessed, because nothing much was stolen.
I go forward with the following goals:
To be better at occupation A, more energy, more focus.
To get more aggressive with occupation B.
Clean up my biz taxes and get organized.
Run at least a few times a week and make yoga a regular part of my life again.
Enjoy being single, dating myself, healing the bits that need to be so that I attract what and who I want into my life.
I am looking to find that peaceful, strong, inner voice and listen harder, ask her more, and make her my guiding light.
I had dreams for a week or so straight and each dream helped me understand the plaguing questions about who I was, who he was, what had happened. In the dreams I experienced his intensity and force of emotion, and his vulnerable sides and I woke understanding this was the attraction for me. I loved him for the same reasons I hated him - he was a scared, sweet and intelligent child inside and I so badly wanted to be what he needed to grow into the man I saw he could be, and was fleetingly at times. I woke from other dreams understanding that I wished to protect him as much as feel protected by him. His big arms, possessive streaks, bits of anger and tantrums helped me feel this, experience him as powerful.
So my goal for myself, despite all the beautiful psychobabble labels we could apply here, is to find and heal the parts of me that craved to be protected like that, and to stand strong and balanced for as long as it takes until I give it to myself and no longer feel that longing.
And to look at the parts of me that wanted to fix and love his issues out of him, and make sure I am never attracted to someone who broadcasts that kind of weakness and care needing again.
I miss him terribly sometimes. Molasses cookies, the way he looked at me and made me feel I was so loved, his singing. It is hard. That is all I can say. I have to work very hard to see other other bad memories when I start wanting to cry over these things. It is an addiction, it just needs to be faced like one.
I read a fun twist on an old myth.
When Narcissus drowned, the lake wept for him. The goddesses comforted the lake, saying it was understandable to be sad, he was so beautiful. The lake was puzzled and said it hadn't noticed. The goddesses wondered what it was weeping for then? The lake replied, "When he peered into me, it was only then I saw myself as beautiful in the reflection of his eyes."[i][/i]
I hope the Great Dane was a Great Dane!
V
Glad you had a great trip and are doing well.
I am happy. There is something the mediator told me about what he knew in his profession - that the real healing for both parties can begin after you 'walk through that door' - I feel free to start writing the chapters of my new life now that the last page has turned.
The viking and I are still chatting away. He is a lovely distraction, though I am proud of myself for putting more mental energy into real goals.
Hey z, so glad you had a great trip!!!
Can't wait to hear about the next story in this chapter.
Hi Z,
I've been off-line for a long time. I am happy for you.
Hugs!
Bob
Over the weekend, XH texted that he wanted to talk. What about? "I'm really angry at you."
After everything he did to me, the way he treated me this year...shaking my head. No words, no, *ducks to give, and I have a piece of paper that says I don't give a chit.
I've finally rounded this corner of misery and depression and I won't go back to it. That's all a convo with him will do!
On the bright side, business looks good. But it is nerve racking. I am happy, starting to think about dating, but just starting to enjoy life again.
So
Response Nada, nilch, nothing, not even a can't be fd. That would feed his ego. Press delete.
XWH wants to start a sweet cycle?
Maybe he's broke?
Or short of a resource or two?
Really start a sweet cycle again, maybe WH is broke spent his compensation just like my WH spent his redundancy.
V
Would you pop in on mustardsend. Please.
I sense she is struggling with a sweet cycle.
Thanks
V
No V, I didn't respond. There was just nothing to say. He wants to start a sweet cycle by telling me how angry he is with me? For what, not putting up with his crap and because it helps to project and blame?
Heading over to Mustard.
Watch out for the next tactic. Negging clearly hasn't worked in triggering a guilt trip loop.
Thanks Z for visiting Msd.
V
Well done z!
There is nothing to gain by taking on how angry he is, you tryed that like me and it didn't work.
To change it nc and just power on he needs to fix him, regardless of what name it has.
Absolutely right, GG. I'm no longer interested in the labels, either. NC is beautiful.
I love the whole peace and quiet no more venting rants lasting an hour!
I think I will be taking a break from the board for a bit and wanted to leave a post thanking everyone for your constructive feedback and support over the last year or so. V, most of all.
I realized that coming here brings up a lot of pain, and I just feel too many upsetting feelings in reading of the other situations out there- it makes it all too raw again and I need to heal all the way. I hope to be able to contribute more positively in the future. So glad for this forum.
Enjoy your time of peace.
Let us know you are OK occasionally.
V
Hi Zelda, thinking of you.
Thank you for letting me know you are ok.
Stay well, you deserve the best.
Very
Hi, I wanted to give an update, a happy one. Life can be so much better than I would've imagined. Happy holidays to all.
There was a day I stopped 'seeing' my ex in crowds.
Finally a week passed and I had stopped dreams of him.
And then, about a month later, a friend told me of a convo they'd had, which normally would have left me spinning. And I just didn't care.
So the next day, around Thanksgiving, I signed up for a dating service. Met a lot of toads. But I learned I wasn't the divorced pariah I thought I'd be! And one day, about three weeks ago, someone special came into my life and now I am feeling things I would have been amazed to know I could feel after this year.
It was about this time last year I joined this forum. I thought I was losing the greatest person in my life- ha! I thought my life was over and I'd never stop hurting. Blessed clarity.
This year, my date for New Years is a handsome man, a doctor who is kind, hysterically literal, warm, one of the most intelligent people I've met - and he knows he wants to settle down. We are both excited about where we feel things going.
Even if nothing comes out of it, I've had a month where I learned how much I really do have to still offer and that I'm very much not dead.
All my DB friends that may still be here, I hope the same for each of you in the coming year!
Oh Zelda,
So lovely to see you here for a fleeting visit, with such lovely news. There was no doubt that you would come to something good and true.
I will always be grateful for your kind support of me through my very troubled period. Your wise words were such a comfort.
It does my heart good to know you have found some happiness and joy again.
All my love to your and yours over this holiday season.
JellyBxxx
Zelda, I am so happy for you. It is SO inspiring to hear about life on the other side. Thank you so much for sharing.
Just a bump for Zelda's update post, so those that knew her, know she visited.
Nice zelda, too me a bit longer but things are a happening