A new thread start of a new series, which I hope will be my recovery.
Old thread last post
Sitch summary last post last thread All posts by Vanilla
all posts by VanillaI was in an abusive R and this is my recovery story. Broadly (although threads 8 to 12 are a little of everything)
Threads 1 to 9, are the abusive sitch post charm breaker event (after knowing I was being abused)
Threads 10 to 19 are about DB, growth and breaking free.
Threads 20 onwards I want to be about recovery.
V
I loved some of the other suggestions for the name of the thread, especially yours RD, and they are in the pot for thread 30!
V
Great recap in previous thread. I think the focus on recovery is a good place for the threads also. It was already starting to be that anyway. Doing amazing V, absolutely a success story, keep it going
Just read your last post, V. I have so, so many thoughts. In the meantime, hugs, and I promise I will post something soon. I like the focus on recovery, perhaps I will soon be ready to join you in full.
Hey V,
Just want you to know you are awesome.
Just wanted to pop in on your new thread. All about recovery...I LIKE that! You go, V!
Amazing thread intention V. You are in the healing phase. Your situation has gone through so many levels of mayhem, all that is left is for you to begin the healing process.
I hope you continue to post about your increasing strength, serenity, and salvation from your XH.
This whole board thinks the world of you and wants nothing more than to see you healthy and well.
Big hug,
PP
You are so great V!! Doing such a wonderful job!!
I am happy for you!! I am happy to be a part of your journey as well! By choosing to surround ourselves with good, positive and loyal people we become healthy inside!!
All of my DB friends are so positive for me. My biggest recovery is going to be the Fins.
There are all sorts of hidden pitfalls now and several chickens coming home to roost. I am just about staying ahead of the work load.
A couple of difficult issues in my business to manage, whilst I was busy trying to sort my M I kept my eye off the ball and in my business you cant afford to do that. There have been a couple of major errors, one of which I resolved quite easily and the second of which will need some serious wellie.
One of my staff did a serious blunder on another client (which I resolved) there was no financial loss to the client but now they wont pay the bill. I guess its a soak it up issue, we will see. This particular clients spouse is uber poison but the client is ok but spouse rules the roost.
Another client needs an urgent settlement agreement doing. I have work coming out of my ears as backlog and no cash to pay for anything, my own bookkeeping is behind. Still I can but move forward, repair and recover.
Its going to be hard hard work, a real challenge for me. So I start early and work late. But I am not tired and exhausted as the treacle days. RD, yes some rest but not as much GAL.
Looking forward to this a little.
V
Hard, hard work that will be worth it in the end!! Make sure you take some time for V!!! This is most important!! Fins can't get fixed if V gets down!!
Zelda, sister under the skin, I am looking forward to seeing your recovery, seeing posts like Dawns and hearing about cupcakes, celebrations, sunshine and laughter. I want to be there to hear the music for Zelda.
Dawn, I can not tell you how important your posts have been to me, just knowing that you are there and having a life is fabulous, I sometimes think I see you and Molly under a tree ahead of me on the road waving. I have this image of Molly as warm friendly and a tail that endlessly wags. I do hope Rotary brings us together one day.
Fogg, yes I see some glimmers of recovery already but its ironic that visiting a GUM clinic would unblock, even I would have found that difficult to reframe!
PP, it is very comforting to know that we as members of the board wish each other so much happiness and peace in life. Joe indeed positivity brings its own reward. I confess that pre WH, I was a Polyanna type happiness buff, happiness is a precious diamond and I am sure I failed to value it. But I will value this more in due course. I am minded of a quote from Henry VI part 1 (Shakespeare)
If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would be as tedious as to work,
But when they seldom come, they wished for come,
And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.
So when this loose behavior I throw off
And pay the debt I never promisèd,
By how much better than my word I am,
By so much shall I falsify men’s hopes;
And, like bright metal on a sullen ground,
My reformation, glitt'ring o'er my fault,
Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes
Than that which hath no foil to set it off.
I’ll so offend to make offense a skill,
Redeeming time when men think least I will.
It seems apt for DB, reform and resolution, a shiny piece of jewelry needs a dark foil before we see the shine on it.
I will work my way to recovery on my fins.
V
Shakespeare really had a way with words. Made me think of this, which I think is also apt.
Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie,
Which we ascribe to heaven: the fated sky
Gives us free scope, only doth backward pull
Our slow designs when we ourselves are dull.
This whole board thinks the world of you and wants nothing more than to see you healthy and well.
This ^^^. EXACTLY this.
Hi Vanillia. This is the thread where it all comes good
Right , this quoting Shakespeare has to stop , I'm completely out of my depth and you could post Shakespeare said anything and I would have to accept it !!!!!
My education was comprehensive in school title only ! Snippets gained by watching to much tele as a kid will not let me converse at this level
Anyway back to you Thank you for remembering the health , it's sometimes only really valued when it's gone and while business and money comes and goes, health can be lost and all else can follow
Re the business , I'm in a somewhat similar boat and I struggle to keep all the balls in the air but all is not lost if one drops , it can be picked up
I love to read the amount of good wishes you receive on each new post. Your value on this board is shown often and I hope that gives you a good feeling because it should. You give so much to some many on here that I for one can easily see how H was able to do the damage he did. From my simple prospective Vanillia is a good , caring , kind and TRUSTING person
Vanillia has an open heart and accepts people and loves them H was a predator of sorts and the man has issues ,serious ones but Vanillias only error was being to Vanillia like. I'm sure there are plenty of reasons why you are such a good person, upbringing , nature , education but whatever they are , they created a great person who actually looks for good in everyone and maybe overlooks other traits
Again just my opinion but would I prefer to be Vanillia or a more calculating person like RD ( who has to SEE what people are like before opening up and even then with insecurities ) , Vanillia every time !!!!!!!!
It may seem being Vanillia has caused great pain because of H but look back on your life and the bits you have told us , you had great love with H1 and its beautiful to read about and I look forward to the day we sit together and you can tell me every detail of that love H2 , you still care deeply I can only imagine the love you have received from friends and family all through your life and will continue to receive
Being Vanillia is great and will continue to be great
Thank you Lady V. Proud to be a friend and Internet family. Rd. xxxx
V,
Thanks again for posting on my thread. My WW and I own a business together which I have not me tioned befoewhich is going to bring about new problems. So you are a fellow business owner:) i am a CPA also, so business is what I do. I know the stress it can cause. At least you have made up your mind to take care of it. Many people ignore these problems and hope they go away on their own. That is when busineses fail.
Thanks for checking in on me V!! I answered you on my current thread!!
V,
Thanks again for posting on my thread. My WW and I own a business together which I have not me tioned befoewhich is going to bring about new problems. So you are a fellow business owner:) i am a CPA also, so business is what I do. I know the stress it can cause. At least you have made up your mind to take care of it. Many people ignore these problems and hope they go away on their own. That is when busineses fail.
There is damage to repair and so much work to do especially on the Fins. At some stage I would like to explore this with you, the recovery in the business, I guess you let WW take ownership or do you still run it. In my case the business was mine before WH came along.
V
Jim RD, I am a Shakespeare nerd a complete anorak on him. As a child I read his plays for pleasure and used to get my sisters dressed up to act them out. It was lovely to do. I was also fond of the Adams Family too (go figure). My favourite author was Dickens although I liked Ellory Queens mysteries too.
I borrowed from the adult library and at one stage wanted to be a librarian. This strange world of the Internet and downloads, Kindles and second hand books is like finding treasure to me. I can lose myself in bookshops for days at a time if needs be. There is a charity shop full of books music and delicious DVDs near me and I visit it almost every week, I am not a hoarder though and return them for resale. I do collect music and the local £1 shop sells refurb DVDs and CDs so I pick up bargains. I have a blu ray player in my bedroom just fr this purpose. I really envy Toots her bookshop GAL, one day I may volunteer in a shop with books and CDs.
Edz did tell me how to rip my DVDs so I carry a small drive when I travel with some of these films and music on it. The world is expanding.
In my head sometimes I convert our sitches into Shakespeare type plays with conversations, actually the posts are like conversations. In my posts sometimes I talk to myself and on others I interact. Maybe I could use that as a tool in my new DB toolkit. Wonder which one it would be. Has to be a manual on something I think. On plumbing , yes plumbing, super Mario style plumbing.
I love the words to songs too, lyrics mean a great deal. Sentimental old thing, strange thing is I can no longer remember the name of the songs we chose for the wedding. I spent a long time choosing them too, but the songs with H1 are on my iPad I remember them as if I just chose them. WH wasn't interested really in the choices, so when I said we chose them I guess I mean me. Strange how my memory has erased it.
WH was always saying V wasn't a 'we' person, his biggest gripe. I may not know how to be a 'we' person in my R. I shall ponder this a little. I discovered that WH had an online dating membership throughout our R and from what I heard was active on it too. Looking for POWs even on our wedding day, thanks WH. He bragged about it to a room full of people on more than one occasion. My bestie advised me a few days ago of it and I have the name of the site. I am looking for more INTEL for my D so I will find out, I shall ask a friend to research it for me.
I am still M so until I am D I won't date or even think about it. So since today is August 1 and it is my deadline day. I will get on with filing, I only need to review the paperwork and it goes in. I shall ask my L to review before I file.
This is the first thread of resolution. Dawn freedom beckons, Gan since I admire your adventurous spirit so much then I hope I meet you somewhere Exotic and wonderful. And I love Uganda.
V
Morning V - I haven't posted lately on your thread....but I do follow along and am pleased to see what progress you are making. I can't believe that your WH had an online dating account all the way through your M. Like, he would marry, but still keep his options open and hope to pick up someone else??
I think he may have a void that he believes a continuous string of women may fill perhaps? It is a shame, because really he is perpetuating the void by not truly committing to anyone and having a fulfilling monogamous R. His loss I think...
So, August is the month you file. I just wanted to send my very best wishes, and wish you luck with this next stage. It is good that you have taken control - in this and many other areas of your life - and can look forward to better times once things are resolved.
Take care lovely V xx
RD
Yes I know I have love, friendship and great family. I do wish I was more grounded though. I am enormously admiring of RD and his beautiful family and the great pleasure and joy they have together.
My adopted brother RD has an open heart too, a lovely soft daft.Irish sweetheart with such a caring nature. RD you are loved very deeply too. At the moment I don't live alone, I live with an endless house full of people coming and going. I wish there were children, I miss WH beautiful granddaughters and one day I hope to have some sprites in my life.. Clients come to stay, family members come and stay over, the big house has a pulse again, it has life. I will miss it when I sell it. Isn't that the way of things, change and new adventures.
My heart is open to new love one day, just not yet. It's too soon for V.
I hope WH finds what he is looking for and is happy with his choices so he does no further damage. He told a friend he was going to be a giggalo and my friend says she thought to herself you already are. How sad, her XWH was the same and still is I understand so. She met a wonderful new love and one week before their wedding he died. Life is unkind sometimes and gives great love at others.
I am loved and of course that brings great wealth and treasure. So it is for RD.
V
Morning V - I haven't posted lately on your thread....but I do follow along and am pleased to see what progress you are making. I can't believe that your WH had an online dating account all the way through your M. Like, he would marry, but still keep his options open and hope to pick up someone else??
I think he may have a void that he believes a continuous string of women may fill perhaps? It is a shame, because really he is perpetuating the void by not truly committing to anyone and having a fulfilling monogamous R. His loss I think...
So, August is the month you file. I just wanted to send my very best wishes, and wish you luck with this next stage. It is good that you have taken control - in this and many other areas of your life - and can look forward to better times once things are resolved.
Take care lovely V xx
Thanks Toots I keep up with your sitch too and I seem to follow you around the board agreeing!
My original date for LRT was March 2015 and for dark the end of May 2015. LRT never happened and there was a spell breaker on 2 May, a month early. I gave myself dark on my birthday 11 May, my freedom day. Since then it's been clearance, WH things out of the big House by end June and restructure business by end July and pay WH off, that cash gets transferred today, I set it up with the bank when I drew out some money from my pension pot. I met my deadlines and am determined to meet the next ones.
I could have been a WAW and if I had known in March 2014 about the dating site then I would have walked, I stayed and DB instead, and I do not regret one single day of it, not one, without that I would be locked in myself. This journey has done me great personal favour although the futile wish the outcome was different is a waste of headspace. This journey is for me, selfi centred of course. The faster WH is gone from my head the better.
As yet I don't know if WH actually posted on the site only that he had a presence there and he bragged about it to acquaintances. Duh! If I can prove this then my L says I can get an annulment which means my M was wiped clean and does not exist at all. As if it never happened there is precedent for it and I have witness statements to his pronouncements. It is no wonder that most of my friends have rallied.
Then WH can go whistle his sweet lies to another and legally it never happened this sham M.
Any further revelations to come about WH? Nothing would surprise me, it's sad for him that he has to be this way, so awful to have such a dark shadow on your soul. My love for WH isn't dead despite all but it's bitter sweet. Not my concern any longer there are better places to go and new things to learn, people to meet and joys to know.
Precious Toots, I want you to be happy and your life to be renewed.
V
Thank you SO much for the kind words,V. Your post made me smile and tear up. Molly DOES have an ever-wagging tail. It goes ALL the time. I even catch her wagging it in her sleep on occasion and that always makes me smile. We are definitely waving at you and walking slowly for you to catch up to us, as we know you will!
I, too, hope Rotary allows our paths to cross in the future. It would be a really wonderful and amazing thing.
You are helpful to me, too, V. Just so you know. You inspire me to be strong, confident and not take any crap from anyone. You inspire me to want to go out and GAL and just live life with a passion and gusto for everything I encounter. I thank you for being that positive role model. You are an amazing lady. And, Molly wags in agreement.
Hi V!
I love the theme of this new thread. You know sometimes work is a part of GAL. I found for me having my job to throw myself into sometimes really helped. My coworkers also have been a great support over the last couple of years. Sometimes just having something else to have to focus on helps. I have become more involved in my career sine my split. I didn't have the time to do some of the things I am able to do now because I felt I needed to be home more. Now I suit myself and I have enjoyed the growth in my career.
Thanks for always checking in. Knowing you would be is one of the reasons I always think I better go in and check in! Lol
Staying strong together helps us all cope through these trying times. Thinking of you with much love V.
Hugs
Karma
Hi Vanilla
Just hoping you are well and have enjoyed your weekend. I really like what I see here.
I am sorry to hear what you continue to discover about WH - I am experiencing these layers of deceit as well.
Inadequate to add much, but I am standing by your side.
hug for V
I am sorry to hear what you continue to discover about WH - I am experiencing these layers of deceit as well.
Hello V! I echo U-Turn's sentiment. I am sending positive thoughts your way and will add a prayer for you tonight.
xoxo
Bob
Nothing like a plan b!
He's a floolish man, very foolish
The business will not run without WW. They can hire someone to do what I do. The problem is I worked for 7 yrs without a pay check. I only drew distributions. The business is just now taking off. Now she wants to cut me out. We started the business together. It is just as much mine as it is hers. It seems timed everything perfectly and I do not think it is coincidence. As soon as she thought she was financially independent she went off the handle. She started prepping for her exit and had an A at the same time. I do not know what will happen. I believe she will have to buy me out or continue to pay me distributions.
We will have a financial hearing next month and the judge will put out a temporary order. This is going to be a complex case so I hope the judge is able to keep pace with all the information.
Vanilla,
How goes your recovery?
I am proud of you. Not there yet myself, I realize I am wrestling with accepting it is over and no other outcome is possible. Started a new thread. You told me you sensed I had struggles up ahead, and it's amazing what you see from all the way over there.
Please post, I hope you are getting ahead and handling the business as you need to. (I am going to take my lead from you and get my head out of where it's been and put it somewhere more urgent and practical.)
Much love to you, some day I'm going to make good on my threat to show up at a train station and enjoy some real cheese and wine with you, and we'll go out and dance.
Hello V!! Just checking in with you! I sensed some great strength from your last post. Good for you! I am glad financials are getting straightened out. It feels good I am sure. Plus paying WH off! I know I am faced with some of this myself. I am getting close to paying off some of the bills from STBXW. I was very helpful with her stuff. Or maybe too gullible! Good things are coming for us my friend!! I can feel it!!!
Hi Vanillia How's things ? I read about the annulment and its sounds good like wiping the slate clean of H's mess
Hope to read about the healthy diet and plenty of exercise and lots of sleep !!!
take care Rd. xx
I am sorry to hear what you continue to discover about WH - I am experiencing these layers of deceit as well.
Hello V! I echo U-Turn's sentiment. I am sending positive thoughts your way and will add a prayer for you tonight.
xoxo
Bob
U, Bob, thank you for your posts. What I learn about WH is very sad for him, but new disclosures cease to surprise me. Bob your prayers are working, so I wrap them in love and return three fold.
I paid "him" his cheques today for the business (delivered recorded) if he banks them (as he will as, it's a largish sum). The business is mine and cannot be in any D or Annul settlement. I have given consideration. My business again to make decisions on.
Breathe, deep blue breaths, life affirming. it's costing me but eventually I will have my freedom.
I decided today, since the big house wont sell to have the most awesome new years eve party. Yes, it's months away but going to do this. Box of frogs.
V
Nothing like a plan b!
He's a foolish man, very foolish
Gg, my extra special, sassy Gg, with the rainbow eyes, the Wonky Lambie, gossipy neighbours and kick ass high heels. It's lovely to have you on my thread.
Gg, I can never ever say thank you enough for all you have given me. And as for foolish, your old man must be the limit. How is S doing and bestie and RHC? Is RhC free for V to flirt with, now Gg is all loved up?
Cadet RHC= Red Hot Cowboy (could be cowgirl depending on inclination)
I just admire my Gg.
V
The business will not run without WW. They can hire someone to do what I do. The problem is I worked for 7 yrs without a pay check. I only drew distributions. The business is just now taking off. Now she wants to cut me out. We started the business together. It is just as much mine as it is hers. It seems timed everything perfectly and I do not think it is coincidence. As soon as she thought she was financially independent she went off the handle. She started prepping for her exit and had an A at the same time. I do not know what will happen. I believe she will have to buy me out or continue to pay me distributions.
We will have a financial hearing next month and the judge will put out a temporary order. This is going to be a complex case so I hope the judge is able to keep pace with all the information.
WhyUs, I am hoping we have some important conversations ahead on this I can reflect back if you like, with my experience. I have ideas on stock splits and client database values. Much deeper than we can do here.
If you want a new shared thread on this rather than yours or mine. That's OK.
There are many interesting aspects for both of us to explore.
V
Hi Vanillia How's things ? I read about the annulment and its sounds good like wiping the slate clean of H's mess
Hope to read about the healthy diet and plenty of exercise and lots of sleep !!!
take care Rd. xx
RD, I promise I will do this good stuff. And will report back sir!
V
Vanilla,
How goes your recovery?
I am proud of you. Not there yet myself, I realize I am wrestling with accepting it is over and no other outcome is possible. Started a new thread. You told me you sensed I had struggles up ahead, and it's amazing what you see from all the way over there.
Please post, I hope you are getting ahead and handling the business as you need to. (I am going to take my lead from you and get my head out of where it's been and put it somewhere more urgent and practical.)
Much love to you, some day I'm going to make good on my threat to show up at a train station and enjoy some real cheese and wine with you, and we'll go out and dance.
You are welcome at the Big House anytime, let me know the time and date and I Internet promise, cheesecake and wine. It's going to be crazy, chaotic and full of life. Make way for new year.
Dawn , please don't forget the date and Molly will need her jabs for the UK.
Go get em, I know you will
V
Karma, i am going to date. I want a fireman.......
Or an RHC?
Only when I am D or annulled of course. No wayward stuff in this heart.
Dancing, I would have every one dancing, jive, jive baby.
Tomorrow it's minions GAL.
V
Mooooooose
Thread party please! It's been at least 5 threads since I hosted a thread party. Not since RDs hug pile.
V
Hello V!! Just checking in with you! I sensed some great strength from your last post. Good for you! I am glad financials are getting straightened out. It feels good I am sure. Plus paying WH off! I know I am faced with some of this myself. I am getting close to paying off some of the bills from STBXW. I was very helpful with her stuff. Or maybe too gullible! Good things are coming for us my friend!! I can feel it!!!
Joe, I believe in the generosity of spirit within ourselves, short term load and long term easier mind. I think I can say, I did ok by me. And you can say for my kids too. I don't see it as gullible, more generous. I say to myself it is the best I have, and that's it. No more after this. Finished, done, over and sadly au revoir fins. Vamoosh..........
I am sad and i am praying that the loved ones travelling are well and recovered, even if I dont see it or they dont need it. I do. I want the reassurance that the love we have for them that they will know was real and has meaning. They probably will not need our understanding or positivity. They have themselves and it is enough for them for now. We have love and that is our power, our higher power, there is no greater power than that of our love. It shines and glows.
V
Man Lady V, you have a gift with words!! Sometimes I just have to read a post over and over because they way you say it is so peaceful and positive! You have a great gift and we are all blessed to have you here with us.
All aboard!!!!! Lady V has called thread party!!!! cheesecake and wine. Whoop whoop!!!
(((((((((( V))))))))))))
I have a suggestion for a party song....it's my happy song at the moment...makes me want to dance every time I hear it. White lines by an nz band called Six60. YouTube it. It will make you feel soooooo good!
Love ya Lady V
I shall go google the band Jellyb
Joe I am glad you find my writing peaceful.
V
WH created a new email address, I blocked all his others.
Demanding, not asking I sort out his old bills.
He forwarded an email from the utility company with a very curt "you need to deal with this"
My response "no I don't!"
Then I blocked him. I have already changed suppliers and this bill is in his name.
I could have STFU but didn't.
V
'I could have STFU but I didn't' ------ LOVE it.
Hi Vanillia, I hope no one cuts you up in traffic today !!
I hope your doing well and one small step for Vanillia but one huge step away from abuse.
Take care, Rd xxxx
Good job V!! Don't take no s__t!!! Here are was my response when Stbxw was whining about not having money because of all her bills, "not my problem"!! WH is not your problem either!
I don't see that as a needed STFU moment, plain and simple - not your problem and you just told it like it is.
hug for V.
While I completely understand the STFU principle, there are times when you should NOT STFU and you used that beautifully, as you do everything, V. You are amazing!
Well done Lady V, you don't need to do anything at this point but take impeccable care of yourself and let WH continue his downward spiral without messing with you life any further.
Great job!
Big hug,
PP
Sometimes a no is the most powerful and appropriate response to a situation! Seems like that right thing to have said
Hugs coming your way Lady V!
JellybXXX
WhyUs, I am hoping we have some important conversations ahead on this I can reflect back if you like, with my experience. I have ideas on stock splits and client database values. Much deeper than we can do here.
If you want a new shared thread on this rather than yours or mine. That's OK.
There are many interesting aspects for both of us to explore.
V [/quote]
A new thread would be fine with me.
WhyUs, if you would like to start one on your post line then I will hop over.
Perhaps, an appropriate title of when a business is shared or we own a business together or business interests? I am sure you have a good idea for a title. Can I suggest a time and date to start the thread, perhaps this weekend.
I will prepare a few things such as a post on how businesses are valued and ideas of spin offs from original businesses.
Does that sound OK?
V
RD, Joe, U, dawn PP and Jelly,
I was expecting some 2x4 for being very unladylike like and curt. Perhaps even for responding at all. I don't think it breaks the dark principles although it might my breeze block ones. Bland and blah!
Considering on 31 July I sent WH the cheques for his share of the business so it's now all mine again. Perhaps he saw that as weakness. Well WH it isn't weakness, V is developing a backbone. I no longer need a bucket to carry me about. The jelly fishy is gone.
It's time to be strong.
V
V, the only 2 x 4 you will get from me is the one I will hand you to knock WH in the head with!! LOL!!! It does not break the dark principles in my opinion. It just says, "I am done being mistreated by you!!" Good for you, keep it up!!
Yes that sounds great, although I have no idea what a post line is. Does that just mean I start the thread? Should I put it in newcomers?
V....you are finding your voice and speaking up for yourself. That's exactly what you want to be doing. Being an abuser is a deal breaker. You can't help someone who won't help them self. Now all your energy and focus has to be on rebuilding your business and life. He will test your resilience. Stay the path.
Hugs
Karma
Yes that sounds great, although I have no idea what a post line is. Does that just mean I start the thread? Should I put it in newcomers?
Yes WhyUs. If you look at any post there is a separate entry box above it in this one it says Re: V is for Vanilla 20. You can change it for every response if you like. The thread then appears in your list not mine.
We are likely to get more traffic that way.
V
My strategy for Dark
1. No texts or calls, block WH on all iPhones and iPads. Office phones. Continued with new numbers.
2. No email, block WH on all email addresses
3. Clear all web browser histories, buy new tablet just for browsing.
4. Block WH on all boards, FB etc
5. Do not visit pubs, cafes or restaurants that WH frequents or may frequent
6. Be polite deal with admin issues promptly but no interaction
7. Forward mail promptly
8. Do everything I have to do legally and contractually
9. Move to D or better still annulment immediately, cut all ties
10. If I find any of WH things forward them asap with no covering note
11. Any bills owed by me to WH are paid by cheque not bank transfer
12. Other than Gamanon, L, IC and DB, no talking about WH, if any one asks "I hope he finds happiness" and "I don't see or hear from him" and "I get on with my life"
13. Get my treatment for Trauma and resolve my issues
14. Sell the big house and move to a different address that he has no knowledge of
15. No contact with WH family other than admin
16. No FB posts, no news of my GAL etc
17. Make my business successful
18. Grow as a person set myself challenges so my mind is occupied with much more inspiring things
19. No is my new Mantra when pressurised
20. put aside all photos, joint items so there is no discussion or memories
21. Give away, recycle or sell items WH gave me or used, unless utility (like light bulbs, fridges etc)
22. Decorate and move when possible, change the environment
23. Get fit and well, extraordinary self caress the effects of the stress and trauma are shifted from my nervous system
24. Connect with my friends and family, make it clear WH isn't open for discussion "sad but resigned"
25. Finish processing the business paperwork so as soon as possible I never see his handwriting or deal with his purchases, clear message boards and his name from template letters. move office
26. No please, thank you or friendliness, just blan bland breeze block
27. No discussion of assets bought or sold, no flash cars (white van woman rules), no jewellery, expensive cars or posh clothes, bland and blah
28. Become someone only a fool would leave but keep that a big secret
29. Go GAL on my terms in my time, keeps that private
30. No dating web sites, keep any friendships very quiet
Any other ideas my DB friends?
V
Good list V - you are so thorough with everything.
I've kind of always had a question about going dark with WW and not going dim with the kids. I always let my kids know exactly what I'm doing, exactly when I expect to be home, if I am going to be later, I will text them (I don't want them to be conserned about this - especially d15)..... sort of what I'd do with WW when she was just W.
I don't ever say - don't tell your mom - I've never been comfortable putting them in the middle like that, but sometimes I have to be vague with them so my actions so my darkness is not inadvertently lightened by the kids. Being vague with them isn't what I want to be - I want them to be confident in me that I am not being secretive and lying to them. (I don't know if this makes sense).
Sorry - I know this is for me and not to help you (I really like your list) - but thanks
I guess I am looking for better strategies with this as I feel like this will be needed more upcoming than ever.
U
This is just my thoughts but those with kids may know different.
1. Your R with each kid is independent of WW. Stick to the R with each child and treat each one independently.
2. Don't discuss personal WW issues with the kids. Just admin.
3. Copy WW on texts to do with admin, stick to admin only and it will be ok. that way kids know there are no issues with WW knowing, she already does. They don't have to guess.
4. Use an online calendar for activities with kids, encourage everyone to use it.
5. Don't use the kids as a message carrier, the call system etc does that
6. Do not enter WW room or allow her into yours unless necessary
7. Have rules responding to texts admin kids immediate, etc
8. Have pictures of you and the kids around in your space, gently replace family photos with solo ones or happy pics
9. Eliminate things gently and replace, put kids stuff very visible in your space, open door for them
10. Hugs, lots and lots of hugs with the kids
11. Prompt pick ups and drop offs, minimum contact on arrival and exit and uber efficiency
12. Did I say lots of hugs? LOL
I am sure there are loads more
GOOD LIST LADY V!!! I am so proud of you!! You are doing great young lady!!
Yeah - thanks V.
Your list is great I can see me getting very close to this level of dark (even with her living in the house) - I am wondering what 27. "No discussion of assets bought or sold, no flash cars (white van woman rules), no jewellery, expensive cars or posh clothes, bland and blah." means for you.
Sure no discussion, but if V is feeling flashy, V should be flashy too. V should be good and do things for herself.
Thanks for your list you gave me. I am getting there (haven't changed anything about my space yet - door is always open to them) - I definitely do not use the kids as messengers, but they may be messengers of what they observe from me which is good I think, but doesn't always make me seem very mysterious since the kids are always in the know.
(thought they don't tell me a thing about there mom - thought there is little interaction there).
U
Who gives a fig about mystery on the outside when you have mystery on the inside? Can I recommend Viktor Frankls Mans Search for Meaning. It's about a concentration camp in Nazi Germany, but it's one of the most amazing books I have ever read.
A honest gentle man with a great heart and love for his kids. Keep on being you U, it will be ok, not always today or tomorrow, but eventually. WW is missing out.
V
U
I can be flashy but not so WH knows. That's for me not to attract WH back. Quietly flashy? Classy ok?
Love your attitude.
V
Hi Vanilla.
Your list sounds pretty comprehensive but a couple of observations the main one being that the list still gives your H to much power and influence over you - I can understand why but its something to be aware of. Maybe separating out your communication strategy from your goals.
The other thing, and again I understand, but your H has then no route to contact you, which means he may pop up somewhere. Have you thought about setting up a separate email account which you only use to communicate with H and telling him that is the only route to communicate with you? You can check it or not as infrequently as you like.
Hope you had a good day.
Dearest V,
Sending a giant hug your way. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Keep moving forward. xx
Bob
Great idea from Jim re the email account
Having a list is a great idea V. It will help to keep you on track. It is a contract with yourself. Onwards and upwards!
Jim
I like your idea, and I am thinking on it. I told WH he needed to write letters if he wanted contact.
If he comes near me with aggression I will get a restraining order. There is no need for him to visit or contact me.
I have come to Brighton, to fix the garage door and to exercise, rewrite my will and finish the divorce papers or annulment. I have loads to do and clients to finish.
My new life starts right now, change is happening.
I bought fruit and veg and I bought a smoothie maker for my flat, I am sleeping properly for the first time in years. My nails have grown whilst before they tore and were sore.
I have a new TV as I cashed in some vouchers I had, replaced the iron but not the ironing board.
I had the weirdest lucid dream last night, I dreamed I had a huge wound with lots of dead skin. There were maggots in it and one of the maggots had WH face, it said (weird huh?) "I am only eating the dead flesh, this will make you better".
Send me to the funny farm.
V
Bob, RD, Karma thank you for your support.
There is much to do. A job I had been postponing thinking it required hours of energy took 10 minutes. When I looked closely HMRC had accepted my offer, the client was thrilled. I can invoice!
Face the fear, eat the frog.
V
Wow, that's an intense dream V! I'm not an analyst but I bet you can figure out what your subconscious is telling you.
You are shedding your old skin and reclaiming the powerhouse that is V. You may have been knocked down V, but you're far from out. Your WH seems to be trying to survive what is old and dead while you grown a new, thicker skin.
I still say a prayer for you each knight that you are filled with strength and that you WH finds a path that goes directly away from you and into some kind of recovery.
To hear that you are sleeping well, eating well, that your body is showing signs of growth fills me with joy.
If your WH confronts you physically, please let me and the rest of the gentlemen on this board what airport we can fly into and when you'd like us there.
Big hug,
PP
PP
You are a delight!
Your analysis makes me smile.
I suspect WH is all bluff and bluster. He once told me that his brother "knew people who could make someone disappear and no one would know". His brother is a delightful law abiding citizen, so I haven't a clue where that came from.
Then he downloaded personal assassin onto the joint iPad. Very sinister but slightly amusing too.
It's time to learn karate!
V
I had the weirdest lucid dream last night, I dreamed I had a huge wound with lots of dead skin. There were maggots in it and one of the maggots had WH face, it said (weird huh?) "I am only eating the dead flesh, this will make you better".
Well V, Carl Jung will have a lot to say on this, but I also had some dreams about STBX and bugs. Two.
One, we were in a school system, and we were getting along quite well, I was hopeful of our M again, and I went to the restroom, and I saw a large cyst, squeezed, and a large white worm came out and landed on the floor. I tried to kill it, but was unsuccessful and it multiplied and chased me. #2, STBX and I were getting along fabulously naked, 'repairing' things, and when I came out of the bathroom, there was an alien creature creeping out from under his bed, something like a 30 lb scorpion coming toward me. When I smashed it, many smaller bugs came flying out, still moving toward me. Like a bad video game in reverse. Every time I tried to kill the bad thing in the room, it morphed.
I think I would rather have ones that don't talk to me. But similarities are interesting...creepy and crawly, something sinister trying to prey upon our bodies.
First off, V...creepy dream. I can understand but wow...I would've had trouble sleeping.
I LOVE your list from a few pages back. I may have said this to you already or on my own post, but the single most cathartic part of the whole D experience for me was throwing away cards XH had given me where he had written sappy sweet stuff that no longer means what it once did. XH was a tad bit of a hoarder, so anything that he didn't bother to take the time to pack and take with him, I pitched. If he couldn't be bothered to pack, I'm sure as heck not spending my time and money to pack it up and mail it to him. To heck with that! It was such a totally amazing feeling to just carry bag after bag out to the trash. And, I, like you, put up all the pictures of us together and memorabilia from our marriage. I didn't throw those things away, but put them out of sight where I don't have to think about them. When I moved to the new place, I have some of the same artwork, but most of it is stuff I had before we got married anyway, so it was mine all along. This process helped me work through a LOT of stuff.
Now, after that long rambling bit, I wanted to address the question you posed on my thread asking what the this Dawn would say to the old Dawn and vice versa. I'm not sure I can give a good, coherent answer to that right this second, but I'm certainly going to think about it because it is worth really examining. Very thought-provoking question, my dear V and one that I WILL get back to you on after I have some time to think about it and see what direction my mind leads. I can tell you that one thing I would tell the re-emerging Dawn is to tread cautiously because, while I'm not ruling out finding love again, I will NOT be fooled again. Not worth it and I can't afford to give another 9 years of my life to another person who claims to be true and loving but can walk away to another person without even batting an eye. Thanks for giving me something to ponder while I finish up organizing my spare room tomorrow and getting my artwork and stuff hung on the walls.
Z
I think this is releasing poisons, things that are 'getting under the skin'.
It's interesting that my mind perceives WH as feeding on dead flesh. It's also interesting that once in the open, your own nasty squiggles have shrunk but multiplied and chase you.
Girlfriend I am sending you a flame thrower!
On that note, I have been Eat, Glow, Nourish programme, healing my body from the inside. From the bottom of my cavern. I haven't lost weight but that wasn't the aim, the aim was healing, that is on hold until my body heals itself. I am starting gentle exercise, sunshine, music, reading and sleeping as therapy. My big boil is healing, and I have no acne, my hair has stopped dropping, no mouth ulcers or cold sores. What a charmer huh!
Meditation is very draining for me so I am merely on mindfulness. I am convinced less introspection, more GAL and outward focus is needed.
I find posting here, very good for my outwards focus, in addition it gives me reflection time to consider other view points and assess them for validity and application. I feel it has certainly helped my communication skills and clarify my writing. Especially when I am misunderstood, can't be a bad thing. When I am internalising my post ratio V: others drops considerably which is a guide for me, that I have work to do. I try to keep the ratio 1:8 or 10, one post for me ten to others.
Also, some of the posters here have delicious humour, and silliness emerges. This appeals to the Englishness of me.
V
Dawn
Following your post, WH cards will be ceremonially shredded, then burned and the ashes scattered. In my own cleansing ceremony.
Are you sure your WH and mine weren't identical twin brothers? Hoarding was WH issue, he was convinced he had only a car full of stuff, I think he had two storage units full, that was without furniture. I am still finding more, not much mind you but little bits and pieces.
My WH was a liar and a cheat, a huge big fat one. That's harder to cleanse as those lies and cheats are being cleared too.
Out it goes.
V
Today was a very difficult day, for no reason but it was. The little I did took great energy. I did not feel like going out.
Days like to day I feel lost, tired and aged. Without energy. I do very little.
I wa once a vibrant woman, alive active slim and interesting. On days like today I feel like a shell. It's trauma I know so.
The Fins are getting me down, I am deeper and deeper in debt, drowning sometimes. Living on credit cards and really struggling with small things.
I know if WH had stayed around much longer I would be completely destroyed vindicating his views.
I can't sleep tonight. Perhaps it's because I am cleansing that this is emerging. I wrote my will today and I also sorted my Brighton flat. Some guests had stayed and left the freezer door open, it was full of ice and every item of food in it had to be discarded. More cost I can do without!
I discovered my replacement TV doesn't have Plex on it so much of my equipment won't work. I dug out an old Chromecast to see if that would resolve my issue and researched some hacks for the Samsung TVs. Haven't had a chance to test any of it. Only 4 hours before work and travel.
It will get better, I believe it. It will take time.
So much to do.
V
Hi Vanillia. Today is a new day Your still and always will be a strong vibrant interesting person and on top of that your kind , caring , intelligent and wonderful to know
If your knowledge of Scooby was more accurate you would be perfect !!!! !
Roller coaster V and nothing we can do but hang on.
Fins are obviously a worry but life has a way of sorting these things out Any news on the sale of the big house ?
Try and get some sleep. Take care. Rd xx
Awwww V..... I am sorry you had a hard day lady.
Keep on plugging.... I hope you get some sleep.
HeavyD
Hello Lady V,
I did a mental toughness course earlier this year and the instructor advised that when we describe a situation to add at the beginning or end "for now". This simple message started to change the way I would describe things, feel about things.
You are indeed healing Lady V, and as I know from my experience the physical toll can be exhausting. You are right to be kind to yourself and to recognise that the cleanse is detoxifying physically, psychologically and emotionally. Ride this wave of the low, there is always up, that is a universal principal.
You have provided so much healing love and light to me Lady V, and from across the planet, I send you mine. I think I read you advise (maybe Fogg about positive love and light coming from his tummy). Well here is mine to you radiating from my imperfect wee tummy button (so recently surgeically enhanced. (Oh dear crazy images racing around my head now).
With much love and kindness
Jellyb XXX
Hello V,
Depression is a healing emotion by itself, but I will take your good advice and go GAL. Hope you do also, love to you! Balance in all things.
Have you visualized the small steps you can take to return you to you, before your H came into your life? Trust you can do it, hugs.
V, I'm just stopping by to say hi. I'm afraid I haven't been keeping up with much during my vacay, but hope you are doing well today.
Trust you can do it, hugs.
We all trust in V. She's one h*ll of a strong woman.
She's also showing one of the noblest human traits: turning her own suffering into a tool to help others going through the same suffering. That kind of person always heals. They'll never be the same, but they always heal. That's V.
^^ Agree with everyone, you're awesome V. I appreciate the support you've given me and I hope you continue to heal. Sending those magic belly rainbows your way.
^^ Agree with everyone, you're awesome V. I appreciate the support you've given me and I hope you continue to heal. Sending those magic belly rainbows your way.
Thank you Fogg.
You got the hang of it!
Rainbows all the way.
V
Trust you can do it, hugs.
We all trust in V. She's one h*ll of a strong woman.
She's also showing one of the noblest human traits: turning her own suffering into a tool to help others going through the same suffering. That kind of person always heals. They'll never be the same, but they always heal. That's V.
I do hope so. I love this board and I owe my sanity to it. Generosity of spirit from all of the wonderful posters here. It's a strange world, and this board attracts those most interested in learning and growing. I am in absolute awe of the straight thinking done with great kindness.
V
Thanks Sunny, today was a much better day. Hectic but much better.
Z, it's interesting how unwelcome though this whole thing is, how amazing it is too.
Jelly, projecting the light reflects back to you as the prism. It will heal that tummy of yours. The love rainbows go round to come back. Magnified.
HeavyD, sleep comes and goes. I will just have to let my body do it as it will.
V
RD
Just one thing to say to you,
You are in the Pink.............
Scooooooooooby
Doooooooooo
V
V,
I have an embarrassing confession to make. I was telling my IC about your recommendations regarding reactive abuse. As I was telling her it occurred to me that I had no idea what the heck banshee meant. Of course, you use this word all the time. It is funny, I understood what u were saying because of the context In which it was used. Anyway, I laughed and asked the IC what the heck banshee meant. I mean is it some strange British term. She laughed and proceeded to enlighten me. Then we both had a good laugh. I'm still laughing at myself for this.
Trust you can do it, hugs.
We all trust in V. She's one h*ll of a strong woman.
She's also showing one of the noblest human traits: turning her own suffering into a tool to help others going through the same suffering. That kind of person always heals. They'll never be the same, but they always heal. That's V.
I do hope so. I love this board and I owe my sanity to it. Generosity of spirit from all of the wonderful posters here. It's a strange world, and this board attracts those most interested in learning and growing. I am in absolute awe of the straight thinking done with great kindness.
V
Trust me on this one V. What you are doing helping others is possible the only sure path I know of to healing. There are others, but I've yet to meet an exception to someone who turned their own suffering into a means to help others with the same thing.
I feel pretty safe making the following generalization: you'll not find any regular on this board who doesn't wish that we could speed along your healing in thanks for all you do.
V,
I have an embarrassing confession to make. I was telling my IC about your recommendations regarding reactive abuse. As I was telling her it occurred to me that I had no idea what the heck banshee meant. Of course, you use this word all the time. It is funny, I understood what u were saying because of the context In which it was used. Anyway, I laughed and asked the IC what the heck banshee meant. I mean is it some strange British term. She laughed and proceeded to enlighten me. Then we both had a good laugh. I'm still laughing at myself for this.
Just for fun from Irish folk lore.
The banshee was in the books of Kells I believe. Maybe the male equivalent is the Pooka.
Banshee
The bean-sidhe (woman of the fairy may be an ancestral spirit appointed to forewarn members of certain ancient Irish families of their time of death. According to tradition, the banshee can only cry for five major Irish families: the O'Neills, the O'Briens, the O'Connors, the O'Gradys and the Kavanaghs. Intermarriage has since extended this select list.
Whatever her origins, the banshee chiefly appears in one of three guises: a young woman, a stately matron or a raddled old hag. These represent the triple aspects of the Celtic goddess of war and death, namely Badhbh, Macha and Mor-Rioghain)
She usually wears either a grey, hooded cloak or the winding sheet or grave robe of the unshriven dead. She may also appear as a washer-woman, and is seen apparently washing the blood stained clothes of those who are about to die. In this guise she is known as the bean-nighe (washing woman).
Although not always seen, her mourning call is heard, usually at night when someone is about to die. In 1437, King James I of Scotland was approached by an Irish seeress or banshee who foretold his murder at the instigation of the Earl of Atholl. This is an example of the banshee in human form. There are records of several human banshees or prophetesses attending the great houses of Ireland and the courts of local Irish kings. In some parts of Leinster, she is referred to as the bean chaointe (keening woman) whose wail can be so piercing that it shatters glass. In Kerry, the keen is experienced as a "low, pleasant singing"; in Tyrone as "the sound of two boards being struck together"; and on Rathlin Island as "a thin, screeching sound somewhere between the wail of a woman and the moan of an owl".
So that's my big secret.
V
This was the way I originally felt about it
Usually a banshee is described as a young woman, or Bean Si, strikingly beautiful, with long flowing hair. Despite modern depictions, her hair is usually red, not white, and she wears a gray cloak over a dress of vibrant red, green, or white. She will not appear much different than any other traveler on the road, but when she faces the family member in question, she will open her mouth and the high pitched wail will begin. Despite the frightening nature of her cry, the banshee herself does not usually appear very frightening, and will vanish into nothingness after her warning is delivered. She often will carry a silver comb which she uses to comb her beautiful hair.
The banshee is in mourning for the loss of love, she heralds but does not bring. She is gifted with the vision of the loss she foresees. Warning of things to come, a wraith and of no substance. She reacts but does not initiate.
V
Gan
If you are about, I didn't post as didn't want to lock your thread.
I have been thinking about you travelling.
V
V
I hope your are doing well and those horrible dreams aren't common for you and you are sleeping well - that would be so hard to handle.
I have looked for the book that you recommended to me a while back - the library is getting it back in for me. Though not a light topic, I look forward to looking at it.
Thanks for your generosity around here - you are loved
hug.
Hi V,
I wanted to say “Hello!” and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hang in there . . . things will get better.
*hugs*
Bob
V,
Have you ever heard of a Dreamcatcher. It is a small hoop containing a horsehair mesh, or a similar construction of string or yarn, decorated with feathers and beads, believed to give its owner good dreams. Dreamcatchers were originally made by Native Americans. My mother gave me one when I was a child. I bought them for my children the other day when we visited a Native American museum.
I don't believe in magic or anything but perhaps there is something to them from a psychological perspective. Anyways, they look cool and are hand made. They make for good decoration which is why many people but them. Look them up on-line.
How are you doing today, V?
Hi V....glad you had a better day. This as you know is a process. The good news there are less bad days as time goes on. Its not easy when your whole world gets turned upside down. It will right itself and this time it will be a life you have chosen for yourself.
I am quite happy in my own little world but still have the odd low moment as well. Although i am open to dating I honestly don't think I want to cohabitate with someone again. I think the you can visit my place and I can visit yours sounds like more fun and is less complicated. Lol
Hugs
Karma
Hi Vanillia busy is good and occupies the mind.
In the Pink !!!! You watched too many Carry On Films !!!!
Take care Rd. xx
Hi V,
Any more dreams that you want to share? How is everything in your world?
Hope you are thriving and XH is being respectful of you and your boundaries.
Big hug,
PP
Thank you U, Bob and PP,
I don't sleep well, I am very worried about my Fins. Very worried indeed, clients are getting antsy as I haven't been performing as well as I should.
Last few days I have had the boil cleaned and it's sore and itchy, but healing.
I am having to rest, great for me but not for my clients.
I had a medical examination and I have piled on lots of weight which has to be shifted. It's inactivity that is the main cause I feel it is. I can chose to change it.
I can't sleep so I am tired and I eat to keep going. Not good.
I have been given a new regime to try although it's almost identical to eat glow nourish. There is more severe calorie restriction on it. I start Monday.
V
WhyUs , I vaguely remember dream catchers, they sound delightful. I think there is a shop nearby that has them. I can consider it tomorrow.
I haven't heard from WH since his unpleasant text on the money. So I am trusting that is for the best. I need to move on and look after me.
RD, it was more panther than anything else!
Karma, looking forward to hearing you are on UK soil. Z, I responded on your thread sweetheart, I concern myself with you and truly wish you peace.
V
I had a medical examination and I have piled on lots of weight which has to be shifted. It's inactivity that is the main cause I feel it is. I can chose to change it.
I can't sleep so I am tired and I eat to keep going. Not good.
I have been given a new regime to try although it's almost identical to eat glow nourish. There is more severe calorie restriction on it. I start Monday.
V
Eh, calorie restriction is a terrible weight loss strategy V. This is what I do every day.
I would recommend activity first. Plan a walk every day or four days a week. Start with that. If you can do that first thing in the morning, even better. I know you have a kettle bell. Look up the "swing" or even better, find someone that can teach you how to do that properly. Pavel is a great Youtube resource for the swing. That alone will be enough coupled with your walking. I'm happy to help you put together a schedule for your fitness.
Calories don't need to be restricted, they just have to come from the right foods. Cut out sugar, flour, and anything that's processed. Those are the biggies. Eat as many veggies as you can take in, high quality proteins, and fat. Nuts are great, just eat them in moderation.
You got this, you're lady V!
PP
V,
Have you talked to a psychiatrist? There are times where medication can really help, and this sounds like one of those cases. If I was your IC, I'd be referring you with what you are describing. You're one h*ll of a strong woman, and I have more admiration for you than I can convey, but even the strongest of us need a little help at certain points to allow for healing and growth.
Another questions: have you tried yoga? It's not a cure-all, but in cases of long-term abuse, body work like yoga has really been shown to be a powerful therapeutic tool. It may be something that you have to go slowly on, as it can also bring new revelations about yourself out, but gently applied w/ insight into the potential need to temporarily back off if it opens a painful door it is has a lot of empirical support as part of a healing process in cases of abuse & trauma.
I'm glad you are at least doing what you need (e.g., eating even when you don't feel like it - we have a drive for preservation and healing if we let it). If you have those disturbing dreams, you might try just sitting and allowing yourself to feel the painful feelings they trigger. If it seems too much at times, gently allow yourself to back off and distract (preferably in a relatively non-harmful way).
How have you been at activating your support network? I know you have us, but it isn't a substitute for more direct human contact w/ caring people in your life. Reach out.
You'll get through this. Maybe w/ a few more bumps and bruises than you'd hoped, but you will. I'll be doing a healing service for you & sending you love & prayers.
Hello V, I'm just dropping in to wish you well. I agree with PP above, and think you should just adopt gentle strategies for yourself in terms of health. No drastic diets my friend. Just good food, healthy activities and self-care. I notice from your sitch that you can sometimes have an all or nothing approach. I recall your last campaign for big weight loss and that I worried it was a little ambitious. Gentle - you have such lovely advice to others, do adopt that for yourself.
Are you still seeing your IC V? How is that going? There is a lot to recover from, and it takes time. I agree with Asitis about yoga, which I find really beneficial. Even thinking about my yoga teacher/class makes me feel calmer.
Take care V xx
Hi vanilla
I just thought I should stop by I do not think I can offer advice I am too new to this but you have been ther for me and I want you to know I will be there for you
Take care my friend
Ghost
New thread to prevent locking. Just on 100 posts.
I will respond to my wonderful DB travel companions on that thread
New thread V is for Vanilla 21Please can I respectfully ask for posts on the new thread.
And very very very nicely Cadet not to Keep this thread unlocked. I promise to be very good next time and stay within my limit.
Thank you
V