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Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4

Posted By: Cherry

Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/12/15 09:34 AM


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553642&page=11 So this is thread three.

Quick recap, I was hit in jan with he wants a d. Had come out of nowhere. We have a hound baby. H denies affair. Then it turns to "just a friend". Then ea. Now he has confirmed pa, but also claims he has had a reality shock and ended it. I'm unsure what to believe.


Thank you all so so so much for the support. You have no idea how great it feels to have you lot to support me. No one knows what's going on and it makes me feel I have no one.

@zephyr thank you for the kind words. I certainly need the prayers.

@heart, funnily enough I read all of your sitch the other day and was thinking how similar they are. He has said he doesn't think I will ever be able to trust or forgive him. I guess it's hard to see past all this these days. The thought has kept me awake most of the night. Thinking of his hands on another woman knocks me sick. I know who and where she lives, I'm fighting hard not to go see her. I don't know wether he fully has no contact with her. I'm wondering wether to set boundaries of he cuts off all contact or I walk.

@toots, as hard as this was. I didn't cry, scream, get angry. I tried my very very best to remain calm and emotionless. I did validate that as much as it hurts I do appreciate the honesty. She isn't married, she's 3 times divorced! He said she lashed out at him- telling him he was trash. I did say she was the one sleeping with a married man so had no right to say anything.. He does seem very remorseful, he apologised. And appears further in a depression than ever. I don't think he is over this ow by any means, he said he started thinking about his "options" after an incident with yet another woman trying it on with him. He said he is aware he has been doing worse but that gave him a massive reality shock. I think to start I did say maybe we can work through this.. But after a night of no sleep and thinking, I'm hurt beyond belief and I do need to protect me and my child. This decision can't be made lightly.

In a way, I'd already arrived at the conclusion that he was sleeping with her. And me. I asked wether he had used protection. Do you think I should still get an sti check? I can't believe he would even endanger my health. I'm still on the edge of caution with regards to him cutting all ties with her. I would like to believe him- but obviously my trust has gone. If he indeed has, then the upside is that yesterday he left the house saying he needs to either end things with me or ow. Which is when I firmly laid my boundaries.

I'm not sure how I go about things. I know the key to changing things would be communication. I said to him, I understand that she has been the person to tell him all the nice things I would have been thinking but not said. And that she gave him the time I didn't. He agreed that she made him feel good and valued. But obviously to spend time with him now would be being fake? Do I still stay detached? Take baby out alone? He said that he thought that the initial spark we had when we got together, I said it just fizzled out as we got comfortable, had a child. And that it is up to us- as a couple to keep that alive.
Posted By: Kramer

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/12/15 02:14 PM

Definitely get STD check. He is sleeping with at least 2 women (you and OW). Do not have sex with him until you are sure he is committed to you and your R. It sounds like he is gravitating toward you, but talk is cheap. Actions are what is needed now. And don't let him make you feel guilty about your feelings. Be open and accommodating, but make him do the heavy lifting.
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/12/15 03:33 PM

Thanks Kramer, I will. That exactly how I've been, almost the same way I have the past few weeks. Detached but yet there. I told him I was taking baby out and he was welcome to join. After a chat and him saying he doesn't feel he deserves me and I should be kicking him out. He said he wanted to come with us. We have spent all day together, talked lots. Still been friendly to each other. Which is a bit unusual. I'm remaining strong- no expectations. He's spoken in a lot more we and us's.
Posted By: Elly4

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/12/15 07:09 PM

Cherry, I'm sorry that this has come to pass. I truly believe in my hearts of hearts that extra love and grace are being sent to you. I believe God's presence will be there to support you through the times to come in ways that you cannot yet know. But I also know that I believe in you your amazing, loving heart
will find a way to carry on and to smile again.

*hugs*
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/12/15 07:14 PM

Eirinn , thanks so much for the kind words. I too believe God has a plan and tests us. For reasons we don't understand. All I can do is stay wise and focus on me and my son right now, but at the same time lovingly detached from my h.
Posted By: Sotto

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/12/15 08:17 PM

Cherry, it sounds like you are handling things with your usual strength and grace. Good for you. Your H clearly has some thinking to do here. And I think you are right to focus on you, your son, and remain lovingly detached.

I also think, whenever there is an opportunity, restate your clear boundaries. You don't want to go overboard on these, but IMHO, he just needs to know that Cherry won't tolerate an open marriage and has some thinking to do herself about all of this.

It will be interesting to see how he is in coming weeks. If there have been particular behaviours you associate with him being in a PA, do these change? Was he distant with baby and becomes closer? Is he volunteering information to you? Is he in more, and more inclined to chat? Does he share his whereabouts with you?...and so on.

Bear in mind that it is pretty unusual for A's to be cut off and to end completely. Their addictiveness tends to draw people back in. Three times D - that's a lot. Is she much older than your H. If she's three times D and in her twenties, that's an awful lot. I don't think I've even seen stats on fourth M's...

You're doing so well Cherry. Keep looking after yourself and baby my friend xx
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 01:21 AM

She is 29!! And threatening to come and tell me what had gone on. I told him I needed to know as much detail as possible of we are ever going to work towards "us".
I am definitely going to keep my wits about me for sure. H turned into a v different man when he became involved- as if he had been abducted. He became v distant and had no time for me or baby. He has shown a lot of remourse, I've even seen him cry several times today (I've only seen him cry once in my life!)

I'd like to think I'm smart, so will keep me strong, keep GALing. I keep picturing the lighthouse. He has given me all his passwords that he had changed. Telling me information, telling me to ask him anything I want to. I'm hoping that this is going to lead to positive things. But going to keep up with my self work. He has mentioned I seem like a different person in a good way- and is absolutely amazed by my strength.

And thank you for the positivity. You guys are the best
Posted By: Zephyr

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 01:33 AM

Cherry, no expectations for now...even on better days. We.see them change almost before our eye and it is real lasting change we will require before we will believe what they are professing. Time is a good thing here.
Have a restful sleep!
Posted By: T384

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 02:19 AM

Has he said that he is ready to recommitt to the marriage and do anything it takes?
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 08:36 AM

Yeah he has. We've had a couple days of complete open conversation. I've been given passwords. Shown messages. Watched him delete everything regarding ow. He went to tell her when he told me he had to make his decision the other day. He told her he wanted to try and work on his m and be with family. And this is why she is now going crazy. Sending threatening messages etc.
I've been told the details of what happened. Spoke why he thought it had, why he said to me all the inconstant stories he did. Seen him cry several times.
I've laid it clear of my hurt and betrayal. I will not live in an open m. He said we can go to a mc, and he will do all he can to prove himself if given the chance.
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 08:51 AM

I'm going to re read the infidelity chapter on DR. I do truly want my m to work, you all know that. And whilst I am hurt, betrayed. We know with hard work from both parties that they can survive and be even stronger.
But I do want to make sure this is truly worked at and that all changes are lasting changes
Posted By: Zephyr

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 11:11 AM

Originally Posted By: Cherry

But I do want to make sure this is truly worked at and that all changes are lasting changes


I've read many posts requiring the was to write a letter clearly stating his intention to break off affair and then you get to send it to her.

Is there a plan for this? He should be the one to have to to get std tested, not you?

You have been through so much. As part of the marriage struggles, two had a hand in it and You have really lookes deep inside and found where you have failed to meet needs. This was not something you did overnight. He will need to go through this process, not just be repentant for betrayal of your vows or disrespecting Cherry in every way imaginable.

You're doing great! Strong for you. Strong for your baby.
Posted By: Sotto

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 12:12 PM

Cherry, some further books you may want to consider for the stage you are at. All of them have a lot of detail about healing/recovery from A's..

Shirley Glass - Not just friends
Andrew G Marshall - How can I ever trust you again?
Relate - After the affair

I have read all three (before I started DBing.....but I've never got as far as being able to use them :() They are all well worth a read in different ways, and contain much more detail on they whys, wherefores, pitfalls and so on...

Also, great that you are moving forward - but expect fits, starts and some backsliding, then you won't be disappointed if that happens...

You're doing great Cherry x
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 01:20 PM

Zephyr thanks again for the kind words. Thing is he has been sleeping with the two of us. He promises protected with her, but me rather foolishly on both our parts unprotected. You are so so right, I have . And I do try to find gods blessing in everything. My blessing here is I became a woman I wasnt. I am far stronger than I ever believed but he really has to look deep and find his faults and where this fell apart.

Toots, thank you- I'll be sure to check those out. And God willing you will have the need to read them. And if not, what a fool he is!! My expectations are still low, I don't know if that will ever change. I'm actually surprised I've not really cried. I truly am the strong one here.
Ow somehow has my number and is messaging me alsorts. All of which h has told me about. I haven't risen to this- not said anything back. I'll talk it through with h when he's home.
Posted By: Heart14

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 01:21 PM

Sounds like things are moving in a positive direction. MC should be more useful now that he wants to work on your M.

Originally Posted By: Cherry
But I do want to make sure this is truly worked at and that all changes are lasting changes


This is important. Piecing is very hard work and you will both probably have slip ups where you use past "bad" behaviors. That is normal and doesn't mean that nothing has changed. Be gentle with each other. The important part is that you realize when those behaviors show up and work to change them the next time you're in a similar situation. Look to see that there are more positives than negatives. Don't be discouraged if it's one step forward and five steps back for awhile.

I second the recommendation for Not Just Friends. It's an excellent pro marriage read on healing from infidelity. I read it a few times when I was feeling discouraged. I also prayed for strength and patience, a lot! I still do actually. I believe God has a plan and purpose for our lives. We just may not be able to always see it.

I'm sorry you're hurting, Cherry. You've shown a lot of strength and poise. Good job setting clear boundaries and expectations with your H. Now it's his turn to do some of the heavy lifting.
Posted By: Heart14

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 01:24 PM

Originally Posted By: Cherry
Ow somehow has my number and is messaging me alsorts. All of which h has told me about. I haven't risen to this- not said anything back. I'll talk it through with h when he's home.


Cherry, I wouldn't engage in the drama with OW. It's not worth it. Block her number and try and put her out of your mind.
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 04:29 PM

Thanks heart. I'm going to re read your sitch too- the behaviours of the H's have been very similar. It's like now, I've been out GALIng meeting my girlfriend and I had a great time. Then ow has messaged me more. He has told me the things, hearing it hurts. She has ranted and raved at him at work, and says she won't stop until he's alone with nothing. I don't want to get involved in his mess. I do want to be in a R with him. But I can't help him clear this up. I guess I support emotionally? I dunno. I'll be sure to get some reading done- I think he should too.
Posted By: Sotto

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 07:52 PM

Hi Cherry - well OW certainly isn't doing herself any favours is she?? Glad to hear you have had a nice time with a friend this afternoon - good for you!

Calm, wise, strong Cherry.....x
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/13/15 09:18 PM

Yeah it was lovely. Showed h the messages then blocked and deleted. We had another good talk. He says he's determined to do whatever it takes. I'm just trying to figure how to be there for him but ensure that he fully understands implications of his actions. She's hardly gracefully backing off!!
Posted By: Heart14

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/14/15 02:59 AM

Originally Posted By: Cherry
She has ranted and raved at him at work, and says she won't stop until he's alone with nothing.


Do they work together?

Originally Posted By: Cherry
I don't want to get involved in his mess. I do want to be in a R with him. But I can't help him clear this up. I guess I support emotionally? I dunno. I'll be sure to get some reading done- I think he should too.


Yes, support him emotionally where it's appropriate. He made some bad choices and now he's seeing some of the fallout from that.

I agree that reading would be good for both of you. It will probably help you dig deep into what happened and why. Answering those questions will help you avoid ever being back here again.

Originally Posted By: Cherry
She's hardly gracefully backing off!!


That definitely works in your favor. I can't imagine that your H is enjoying her going off the rails. Has to be very frustrating for you too. Deleting the messages and blocking her is a wise decision. That drama sounds toxic.
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/14/15 08:09 AM

They do, but she came in or her day off for a special show. But I also work there too as of next week when I'm back from leave.

We've been working at discussing reasons etc and really talking through things. I feel I've learnt a lot about marriage these past 4 months and can see where there was cracks forming.

Yeah I guess so, he said this is behaviour he would of expected from me, and "they both did wrong". I have been silently being a lighthouse. And the thing he said ultimately scared him is he realised I genuinely was set to walk away and the fact I didn't looked phased anymore.
Definitely toxic, I'm glad she doesn't know where we live, and hoping she doesn't discover
Posted By: Zephyr

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/14/15 11:35 AM

Wow, what a difference a week makes. You have been doing great with being able to pulling away from him and leaving the path back home open. Your poise has shown through so well especially with a crazy woman in the picture.

Working on the problems that ultimately caused his affair will come. Some will be easy, others are buried... I suspect those buried issues are going to take some real time to uncover and gain perspective / fix. Take it slow, protect yourself and be confident that you will come out of this better off, with or without your husband...I don't think we are ever really done working on ourselves. For the record, complacency was one of the big issues in my marriage. I spent so much effort putting a plan for our future in place then kinda hit cruise control and ultimately stopped paying attention. Pretty sad in retrospect.
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/14/15 09:00 PM

Thanks zephyr! Yup what a whirlwind!

For sure, I'm definitely carrying on working on me. Keeping up with my GAL activities, I feel like I have much more positive energy around me- and my skills of detachmenf are helping me from becoming angry and reacting to ow. She's acting like an angry child- I am acting calm. And I'm keeping calm and talking openly to h who is also talking and confiding a lot more in me. He keeps apologising for his behaviour. I have asked him a few questions- I felt it was better to ask him outright rather than silently beat myself up- I want to make sure we heal from this and don't harbour resentment.
Heart gave great advise about being gentle with each other, as we are both hurting- he says the guilt is eating at him. As he doesn't feel he deserves the kindness im showing him.
Ultimately, when asked - it seems DBing worked as h said he realised what he had with me, and realised that I was actually about to leave (so he thought- that was my happy at peace attitude I had).
I know this is going to be a lot of hard work. But he keeps telling me he's willing to do whatever it takes.
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/15/15 04:03 PM

This is painful. I don't think I anticipated how difficult this part would be. I thought if I got him back the hard part is done. While I am so greatful to get to this stage, it does hurt a lot. Like after being intimate the thought of the two of them came to my mind and it hurt like hell. Then there's the issue of trust. I guess this is where total transparency and honesty comes in here
Posted By: Heart14

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/15/15 05:08 PM

Originally Posted By: Cherry
Like after being intimate the thought of the two of them came to my mind and it hurt like hell.


I can totally relate to that. H and I were just getting ready to ML one day and everything just hit me. I started sobbing and H held me close and apologized for everything he put us through. It helped calm me down and we moved on. It's totally normal for things to trigger you. Tell H what you need from him when that happens. I have read that for awhile after an A it's like you have PTSD. I think it's true. Be gentle with yourself. Time and patience are your friend.

I don't think we are ever fully prepared for what piecing is going to be. You have this vision in your mind that once they are back things will be so much better. In truth, it's still hard and it's still painful. You just have someone whose hopefully working with you and not against you now. You need to feel the pain and deal with the emotions in order to truly move forward. It takes time.

Piecing requires a different skill set than you used during the crisis. Some of its the same, but a lot of its not. I found that I still needed to make sure I was doing things with friends and taking time for myself. That's important even when you're in a good M. The communication is more open than closed now. It's good to talk with H about your feelings and the things that trigger you. Just don't let it consume all of your time. You two need to have some time that is just fun. Even though it's really hard, it's crucial to bring you two closer.

((((Cherry)))) It will get easier. I promise you will not always feel like someone's stabbing you in the heart. It dulls over time as you see the continued change in both yourself and your H. Have you two talked about going to MC now?
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/15/15 05:50 PM

Thank you heart. It really helps to hear that from someone who's been/going through it. While I am so unbelievably happy to have him back on side and saying he's willing to do what it takes- it is hard. Plus I've never been a big talker so now knowing I need to talk everything through- as he does with me to, is a change. He said he's willing to go to counselling if that's what I want. I think like you said- it's better to deal with the hurt now and then we can move along. We are planning date nights together and maybe a break away- so there's some being a young couple together time in there
Posted By: Sotto

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/15/15 09:00 PM

Cherry, people say piecing is really hard. And I also think there is an element of post trauma. I can recall reading about flashbacks early on in my sitch. I think both the Glass and the Marshall books pick up on this.

I also think, after DBing, it must be hard to genuinely open up to your S and become vulnerable yourself again too. Have you been over to the piecing threads at all to have a look?
Posted By: MrBond

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/15/15 09:54 PM

Has he committed to going to MC? Has he been willing to work on himself with a C?

Right now I wouldn't say that you're actively in Piecing. Just because he's back doesn't mean that anything will change. Besides you changing and growing with DB, HE has to be the one to change and understand why he did why he did from an outsider. Same as you did.

I can't stress enough how many people have gotten their spouse to come back only to have it disintegrate because the root problems that caused the split haven't been resolved. You need someone to help give you and your H a roadmap to follow.
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/16/15 09:39 AM

We have spoken about what had happened that made him feel he could no longer be married and what was he looking for. Essentially it was my attention and the fact I didn't listen etc. he has committed to mc, which focuses on the two of us- then see someone indivisually and then bring us back together again.

Effective communication is something we have put as something we need to lay at the foundation as we both admit that was never a strong point. And spending time together. I know it's his turn to do some soul searching and see how he can be best for him, so he can be best for us
Posted By: Elly4

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/17/15 07:15 PM

Cherry, you are working so hard right now. It's awe inspiring to read, and hopeful for me. Just make sure you are taking care of yourself in the process. You deserve the best!
Posted By: Sotto

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/17/15 07:36 PM

Hi Cherry, I'm glad to hear you are moving forward with things. And the whole IC/MC plan sounds like a good idea. I agree with Eirinn, just take it steady and look after yourself. You've already experienced some of the difficult feelings that can come up - and I think it takes a lot of time and patience and two steps forward, one back and so on.

Has XOW settled down now?..
Posted By: Fogg

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/18/15 03:14 AM

Cherry, glad to hear things might be turning around for you and H. I really hope they continue to go well and you can both rebuild your M. Take it slow and try not to expect too much too quickly. There's likely a lot of emotions that have been suppressed that may resurface at some point in the future. Good luck.
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/19/15 04:36 PM

Thanks all, there's time that I do find it really difficult. And I'm usually a person who keeps stuff inside so I make sure I tell him when I'm feeling anxious and talk things through. We are being gentle, but also spending time together. And really talking through what we can do to be better for one another and figuring out how we got into this situation. We are both v keen to make this work. and h is determined to do whatever it takes. Xow has slightly calmed, I'm going to be back to work were she also is shortly. So who knows. She had still been hurling abuse at h a few days ago.
Posted By: Elly4

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/19/15 07:17 PM

I would do some thinking before going back to work about how to keep yourself safe from interactions from the XOW. Then you're prepared.
Posted By: Sotto

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/19/15 07:38 PM

How closely do you have to work with XOW Cherry? And what's your plan in respect of any contact you may have to have at work?
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/20/15 03:12 PM

It's quite a big company so hopefully not too close. I won't know the extent until my return as I may be moved department. I haven't prepared myself really for her. I know she is most probably going to have something to say to me- but what right does she have? I am the wife SHE is the ow. She knew the situation yet still got involved with a married Man. She's obviously not going to be happy to see me and h together, and from all accounts is a very sneaky and devious woman. Me and h have had many convos on needing to be open and honest with each other- transparent even. And if gossip gets out- we will be strong. My confidence is a lot better than a few months back. I can confidently hold my head high and tell people it is really non of their business.
Posted By: Zephyr

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/20/15 05:51 PM

can't remember, does your husband work there too?

If so, does it make sense that something like this gets disclosed to the supervisor / boss to make sure that they are aware BEFORE the OW starts spouting $hit at the office. Call it damage control or whatever so that you both (Cherry & H) appear to be on the level and she comes off as Cookoo if that is the path that she wants to run down.
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/21/15 05:10 PM

Yeah he does. And I wondered about that. My h has quite a high up job, so i wouldn't like this to jeopardise that. Good idea, thanks zephyr
Posted By: Sotto

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/21/15 05:19 PM

Cherry, one thing is for sure - I think some sassy new work clothes may be in order...

Ooh - shopping time!! grin
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/22/15 07:51 AM

Toots- you are certainly right! Every time I've been in the past few weeks to sign papers and things everyone has complimented me and h on how good I'm looking, and that I don't look like I've had a baby. Certainly good for the confidence smile
Posted By: Elly4

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/26/15 06:55 PM

Hi Cherry, hope things are going well for you. I came on to catch up with you and see that you haven't been on for a few days. Hope you are on a mad shopping trip!!
smile
Posted By: Bob723

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/27/15 12:07 AM

Originally Posted By: Eirinn
Hi Cherry, hope things are going well for you. I came on to catch up with you and see that you haven't been on for a few days. Hope you are on a mad shopping trip!! smile
Hello Cherry,

I second Eirinn's sentiments. grin

How are you doing?

Bob
Posted By: Cherry

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/28/15 08:29 AM

Hi guys, thanks for checking on me smile things are going good thank you. Working hard at building the relationship. Also at spending time together which is actually really nice. I'm not going to lie, sometimes it's hard and I think what if this happens again. Or I get the thought of the two of them in my mind and it makes me realise what he actually did- and I get panicky, sort of thinking what if he does this again- which makes me second guess if I'm doing the right thing or should I have walked when I found out. These feelings aren't all the time. And I'm doing better for going talking to him when I feel like this.
Keeping up with the GAL activities, working hard on me still.
Posted By: Elly4

Re: Still confused.. Still mixed messages. Pt 4 - 04/28/15 07:14 PM

Cherry, so glad to hear that things are going well AND that you are keeping up on your GALs. Keeping Cherry a bit mysterious can definitely still help you. I'm glad you can talk to your H about your panicky feelings, and you can also go out and have a walk when you feel them. Exercise always works to get my feelings like that under control.

Good to hear from you!
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