I figured my old thread was getting to the point of being locked soon
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...695#Post2539695Wounded - so GAL activities with H. What do others think of this? I mean at what point to we go back to our lives together or does that scream co-dependent. I feel like I still have so much to learn. For me - H and I did everything together. So me stretching out and doing things without him wasn't the normal. Don't get me wrong - I have girlfriends that I go and do things with during the days I'm off. But week nights and weekends were our time together and with the boys.
I still remain cautiously optimistic. If you were to ask me everything is great and I couldn't have imagined the leaps and bounds we have progressed through over the last month. It almost seems too good to be true. I don't want to come off as negative Nancy either. I am receptive to his advances and I return them as well. I know I am in a better place than I was in August when we first started to repair things.
I was still angry and felt justified. I felt I should have him on a silver platter and that's how it should be because of what he did. In no way am I taking the blame for everything because he *should* have been sorry after all he is the one that chose to come back. However - I allowed him to come back.
Anyway I'm rambling as usual. Trying to be cautiously optimistic because I don't want to end up in that place again
Thanks to everyone who listens to me and supports me.
Couples that are happily married 30, 40, 50....80 years are supposed to be "co-dependent" and "inter-dependent". If you are religious, marriage mirrors our codependent and interdependent relationship with our particular higher power.
Being "co-dependent" with an alcoholic, drug addict, an abuser and/or an unrepentant adulterer would be unhealthily and unwise but absent such behaviors it's God's design for marriage.
I think it is wise to be cautious b/c that may help in not getting too relaxed and quickly fall back into old habits. Much of what you described when he first came home was due to you not being completely ready. It was fast and all wasn't healed. So, you both paid the price and now you want to be careful not to repeat mistakes. (All is not completely healed now, but you know what I mean.)
I say to continue doing what is working. By all means save time for the two of you and for the entire family. If I recall correctly, you had maybe pulled back on GAL too soon when he first came home? Honestly, I don't know you do it with the hours you work! But I do see how it would be important to your own mental health to do things for yourself. It seems to keep you more balanced, less stressed?
Maybe you are wanting to return to what you see as more "normal" time for family togetherness? I would just suggest you very slowly incorporate this, and the minute you see any negative side effects.......pull out and start GAL more.
I'm so glad you give us updates. We like to hear these happy ones, especially.
Btw, do you ever read the posts in Piecing? They don't get the traffic New omers do, but they do focus on trying to piece. (Not that I'm trying to shove you out of here. Just wondered if you've read any.)
Good job. I think I can speak for most everyone when I say you have done very, very well. So proud of you!
T0, can you be more specific about what you mean by "at what point do we go back to our lives together"?
Are you asking if you should stop GAL on nights and weekends with your girlfriends? How often are you going out on nights and weekends with them (and w/o H) now?
Thanks Georgia, Sandi and Train for stopping by.
Sandi - thank you
I always look forward to reading your advice. One of the things in MC H says he enjoys and likes that we are doing more things together.
Train- I guess what I mean by normal is my thought of normal where it was basically H and the boys and I doing things. I do miss having our joint friends that had kids as well. We, on the weekends, had another couple we were really good friends with and would do family vacations, dinners, even just hanging out at each other's houses while the adults hung out and the kids played. However, we don't speak with them anymore. We introduced them to ex boss and his wife back when we were all friends and during our S these are the friends that ended up running to ex boss and his W and filling them in on any and everything and creating more drama. I chose to cut ties with that friendship, the W was very upset and felt it was unfair of me. My defense to her was that if I was creating a fresh start with H I didn't want ex boss or his family included in my life. I felt as long as she and I were friends ex boss would be in my life in someway. So long story short we haven't talked or seen them since September and it has been mostly a relief. Like I said I miss having the friendship but I don't miss her specific friendship. They weren't the friends I thought they were. During our S I realized who my friends were and who they were not.
As far as nights out without H. I have been working 3 days in a row. So for ex: this week I worked Monday Tuesday Wednesday. I stayed at a girlfriends house Monday and Tuesday night (we had wine, take out and watched reality tv nonsense) and I came home Wednesday night. Now I will be home and will repeat next week when I work. so I guess it's semi GAL but more lets me sleep in before work (dropping my hour commute) and saving me gas = me spending that in wine
Just updating for anyone that follows...
Things are still status quo around here. Received an email from my L this week stating that the abatement was up and there is a case management hearing next month. She stated she had received an email from H's L -- stating H wishes to drop everything. She asked if this is how I want to proceed.
I'm still cautiously optimistic. We are in a better place than we've been - better than before because I am in a place where I feel I can receive his affection (I guess that's the best word).
MC said he doesn't need to see us anymore. We have been going once a week since the beginning of January. This is the first week we haven't gone. However - H and I both agreed we are going to go once a month for a couple times just to make sure we are staying on track.
I am so thankful to this community. I am still in this M but with eyes wide open. I am still working through things of feeling jaded. I still struggle at times with the past and I just change my thought process to focus on something else when that happens.
MC said he doesn't need to see us anymore
That's wonderful!!!
It is so refreshing to hear good news, but even better for you two.
Sounds as if the C has done about all he can, and the rest is up to you both. Maybe he could refer a good program to help maintain your progress.
Thanks a lot for this wonderful update. You came very very close to giving up several times along the last year, with your H sending you clear signals that it was over. May this be a lesson for everyone here who wants to give up at the early signs of difficulties, for a "definitive" email or phone call, etc.
I'll add you to the "Piecing" section of my success stories, if you don't mind. I hope you'll continue to update us regularly.
Thanks
Sandi - my fear is things are good.. How will we both deal when we hit a road block. I'm hoping we will use our new tools to move past hurdles we will face. I brought this up in counseling basically saying it's not always going to be great. We are going to face challenges and there will be things I bring up that H may not want to hear. C suggested that maybe once every other week we bring up something that the other person is doing or something that's going on that's bothering us and if there is nothing than to say there isn't anything. H said in C that he has realized more and more through counseling that he needs to speak up if something is bothering him instead of letting it fester. I was so happy when I heard that. I told H - you may not want to hurt me by saying something is bothering you but you're hurting me
More by not telling me and still holding it against me.
Who else could/would we see? We will go see our MC in a few weeks just to touch base.
Thanks Mozza - hopefully we stay there
And yes. My story is not pretty to read. Lots of why's, whining, feeling sorry for myself, etc. It's hard to read and hard to think that I was 'that' person for awhile because it's so not me. I cannot thank this community enough for sticking through with me. I would not be where I am today if it weren't for the people here. To those of you wanting to give up. The advice I can give is only you know when to give up. By all means live your life and enjoy yourself. Don't let your H or W drag you down but even the worst of situations can have happy endings. I'm sure a few here can agree my H was pretty bad during our S. A lot of people IRL. Cannot believe I took him back. To each their own. I'm happy and my children are happy. That's what is most important to me.
And happy doesn't have to just mean R. Happy may be realizing D is the best fit
Sort of good to hear about the MC telling you to stop
I really like that you are done with once a week, and are tapering off to once a month. I think weening yourself off is better then cold turkey. Maybe think of once a month, to every other month.
Have you even given consideration to one of the marriage encounter weekends? Or maybe one of the tools DB offers (I really don't know what is/isn't available).
T0, just saw your update. This is excellent news! I'm so glad things are going well for you. Kudos for being patient and continuing to work on your M even when things seemed like they were falling apart. Way to go!
T0, how are things going?
Hey heart ,
Thanks for checking on me
Things continue to go well. We haven't been to MC since he said he didn't need to see us but it's been almost a month so we will probably go in the beginning of April. The boys started spring break today so I'm excited about that. I took almost 2 weeks off work so who knows what we will get into. I was thinking of a last minute trip to the Bahamas since its relatively close.
My L emailed me because the abatement is up so I just forwarded the email to H last week. He said he has already told his L he has no intention to pursue D so both L's are getting it dismissed.
Hope things are well with you and your H
Hope everyone else is doing well
Sort of good to hear about the MC telling you to stop
I really like that you are done with once a week, and are tapering off to once a month. I think weening yourself off is better then cold turkey. Maybe think of once a month, to every other month.
Have you even given consideration to one of the marriage encounter weekends? Or maybe one of the tools DB offers (I really don't know what is/isn't available).
I haven't considered any of the marriage encounters and the only one I've heard of is retrovaille (pretty sure I butchered the name)
I'm not sure if H would be open to that...
Hey TO,
Glad to hear things are going well for you, it's nice to get a shred of positivity sometimes!
I'm not sure if H would be open to that...
Well I guess you won't know until you ASK him
Hi TO,
I just read this thread. I am very curious and will read your story since the beginning.
I think it is pretty normal to be cautious at this point. There are wounds that take time to heal. Fortunately they do, and it seems that you have every good intention to let them heal.
R are complicated, but it seems that your H did repent and is showing he also wants to be a better partner. You know, we all make mistakes one way or the other, but it does not mean we can't see what is really important for us.
When we are babies, we fell a lot before we have a good balance and get the hang of one foot before the other. We are adults now, but we are always learning from our falls, don't we?
I hope and pray that your new R will be strong and true for both of you. Many folks say that if after a S and turmoil a couple get back together, it can be the beginning of a long, lasting and beautiful M.
Keep being yourself.
XOXO
Pink
Thanks everyone
Sometimes I hesitate to post when it's just a good update bc I don't want people to feel like its rubbed in their faces. When I was in a bad place it was hard for me to read happy things because it hurt.
Thanks Pink - that's a good analogy. I am hoping we both continue to build better habits that will stick with us. I already see changes to how we handle things including conflict.
If it weren't for these boards and the people here I don't know that I would be where I am today.
So TO, keep posting, even if it is just good things.
Your experience, what you said, what you didn't say, the way you handle things, what did work for you, the dark days and tears that you went through, the almost giving up and how you react to things that made you hopeful again. It's all helpful to the folks in this bord.
It is not in any way rubbing in our faces, but it is a way for us to be positive that there is, as minimal as it may be, a possibility of getting our S back in a healthier M.
We know that there are no guarantees, but we came to these boards in hope to learn something to help save our M.
So, people that make it, they are kind of mentors.
And, thanks for being so kind to post on our treads to help us out.
XOXO
Pink
T0, please keep posting! I for one find it inspiring
I really enjoy reading what has worked and is working for others. Please keep posting updates.
I definitely will keep posting to others threads. I don't feel as if I am a 'vet' by any means and although what I say to do I may not have done in the beginning of my sitch it is what worked. I know it's hard to hear when you're not in a good place but it is what works.
Although my H filed for D and had OW - I didn't learn of OW until a few months post BD. So at that time I was the crying,pleading, writing a 5 page letter W. So unattractive.
When I found out about OW I had already gone pretty dark (well to me). Through the course of the months during his OW time - H initiated communication. I hardly did unless it was kid, bill or house related. I was pretty curt and short with him overall. H could never look at me or be in person with me. The couple times we went to dinner (before I knew of OW) he acted very friendly and chatty. Once I found out about OW I didn't mention Her. As much as I wanted to she wasn't worth it. I didn't want them to know they had the satisfaction of my response (hence her 12000 Instagram and FB photos of them with childish quotes)
Anyway, I started to change over the summer. I really feel like I got the hang of the DB thing Bc I started to really be happy. I was making great money, had a great job, my boys were happy and we were getting used to our new life. Up until the end of May H never had to interact with me in person (his choice). Well once the boys started basketball that changed. He had to see me. So I ised every opportunity I had to show him how happy we were without him. I was dressed nice (not overdone). We were always busy and I never stayed to chat. I did experiment and play basketball afterwards with him and the boys but it was about the kids not about hanging onto time with H.
Anyway at that time I'm not sure if in my threads its reflected but there was a slow change. He was more angry with me through text initially. Then he started reaching out slowly. Slowly he was able to stop by the house, sit next to me at basketball, would send a text checking on my when he heard of a shooting at my work etc. I didn't take any of this (at the time) as him having a change of heart. To me he was so entangled with Ow (mindreading)
The last basketball game I made sure to be dressed up. It was a Friday night and it was S3's last game. Wedges, hair and makeup done and in a hurry after the game. S6 said daddy asked where mommy was going. Haha! I have to totally thank Train for that by the way. Little did he know I was going to a family dinner. He had been seeing me text the last couple weeks before smiling and had previously asked who it was - I just answered a friend (which was a guy I had been talking to from work).
Anyway the first night we went to dinner when he wanted to talk. - he asked about that night. He wanted to know where I went. He said it was driving him crazy thinking that I had someone in my life. He showed up at my house the next day after that basketball game. He hadn't come over when I was home forever. Then a few days later he stopped by again. I also still wasn't thinking anything of any of these things.
He said he wondered what I was doing and knew he had no right to ask but it bothered him. It bothered him to see the boys and I so happy without him. It bothered him seeing photos through friends on my Facebook (I hAd deleted him) of the boys and I having fun. I took the boys on a week vacation alone on our family tradition vacation. At first he said he responding angry bc of course I was faking it. There was no way we were so happy without him, there was no way I was actually happy to not be with him. Then he said as time progressed and he saw that i continued on that way he realized maybe I WAS really happy. He said he really started regretting his decision in June when he had to be around me on a couple days a week basis.
To be honest I don't know what I believe. He was still pretty terrible during that time up until August. I'm on my phone so this may not all make sense as usual but just a little synopsis so you guys don't have to read through my overly emotionally unstable threads lol
For me, it's the opposite: I need to read sitches going in the right direction, otherwise all we read is from people going through the hardest parts. That's why I curate a list of success stories. Thanks for posting and keep telling us when you have good moments.
Edit: Woah, I just saw your summary of your sitch. It's great, thank you so much. I think I'll link the success story to it. Personally, I especially like how you went dark and curt while he was with OW because that's what I'm doing in my sitch and sometimes I have doubts or I just don't know how we'll get out of this. Your sitch is an inspiration.
OT,
It's indeed an inspiration. I love your words and think you are an amazing woman.
Congrats girl... you are awesome!!!!
Love
Pink
Thanks guys and gals
I am normally a really strong person that doesn't put up with BS (which is why my boss thinks I should apply for this new management position lol) but after BD I came off as an emotionally weak person so my threads are really difficult for me to read to see the place I was in. I know others advised me at times that my words to H weren't always the best. But I did have a lot of anger so curt was about as nice as I could muster. Trust me - I had many backslides, many moments I wish I could take back and lots of words said that probably shouldn't have.
So when things turned around I'm
Not sure if it's because my demeanor changed and because my H, who had been avoiding me, had to start seeing me in person regularly (prior to basketball we saw each other maybe a handful of times in 3 months). Or if the change was his A feelings ended. He told me the reason things ended was bc he started doubting himself and turning into the way he was to me to OW. He said she told him she had enough of him being negative and withdrawn and wanted a break. He said it took them taking a break to realize what he had been doing. Again - his words, who knows what the real truth is.
I actually can picture my H being depressed and negative, what 19 year old wants that around plus divorce baggage. He also got 'in trouble' over summer by her when he stayed at my house for awhile and we had a long R talk and he admitted he was unhappy in his life, Etc. So I took the advice of train and tried to be the OW of OW. I was light and breezy. He messaged me over a weekend about moving and getting new furniture (I have always taken care of everything) and I said oh that sounds like fun. He replied that it wasn't and he was miserable and stressed. I just replied that I'm sure he would figure it out.
Anyway, point being - they notice when you really detach. At least my H did and combine that with his A going sour = quick wake up call.
As far as piecing. He was ready but I wasnt. I wasn't ready to accept what he was giving me. I thought I was but I really wasn't and I was pushing him away more. Don't get me wrong he had his mistakes too but I was still resentful about what happened and too much so to be ready to work on our M. It took going back to MC in January (when I really thought we were heading toward D) to see what happened.
We are both in a much Better place. Are we out of the woods? No but we are heading there. The D is off the table and we are both happy.
I hope everyone gets their own happy ending. Some of those endings are seeing that you can be better off without your spouse too.
Well The Notice of Voluntary dismissal has been signed by H and his attorney just mailed it to mine. I just have to sign and it has to be forwarded to the court before our hearing on the 13th.
TO - I remember reading your sitch a bit this winter and thinking how similar our H sounded in their apathy, lack of effort and what not. Mine is pretty special, an interesting emotional land mine when poked, tends toward some very manipulative behavior.
I am wondering how much I messed up during piecing. Not that it excused his actions. But. When you say you weren't ready, what do you mean?
When did you know your H was really trying? What corner did he have to round, outside of the A ending?
Things are going really well. At the hesitation of sounding like a negative nancy, I will tread lightly when I say this...
I struggle with feeling our M is tainted. ITs hard to think some days that I forgave a man that could do such things (I had my faults too). I hope I don't find myself here again. On the chance I do I know I will be much more capable of handling life on my own because I know it can be done.
A couple months ago he was saying he thought he wanted a divorce so this abatement was a big weight on my shoulders because it stressed me out wonderig if he would just carry on with it without telling me (he had me served and never told me he filed). But it was only fear. Once we started going to MC I stopped worrying about the abatement because I realized I had backslided on some of my changes. What would be would be and I would be sad but okay regardless of D or not.
As far as my H, Zelda. He shuts down when he is angry. He doesn't talk or communicate and holds things in which is a huge part of how we got here both before Bd and during piecing. I was resentful and no ready to be full on in this M and accepting of what he was offering because I felt I deserved more from him after, gasp, everything he had done. He had to pay his dues. I was only pushing him away. Rather than telling me that he shut down. Did things he knew would hurt me - working at ex boss's (by the way hasn't been there in 6 weeks).
In his defense he was trying to mske money but I also knew he knew what he was doing going there.
I owe a lot of credit to here and our MC. He is no BS and will call H and I both out no problem. Truthfully I don't know exactly what changed.
We communicate better meaning H talks to me more but I'm more receptive to him vs just short Ya no answers. I make more time for him between the boys and work.
I hope this helps
It does. I backslid during our piecing, but I have come to the conclusion the H had some severe emotional issues, always had, and this could not have ended any other way. I became an emotional wreck, not so fun, (detach fail) out of his subtle hints of leaving me again and hurtful behaviors in between the nice stuff. His choice was to end it, cruel and cold as he could be.
It helps me to know that the tainted feeling, the entitled feelings are natural. I would say everything smelled like cat pee that had been cleaned up but hadn't gone away
I will be rooting for you, TO. I am glad your man realized he'd be a fool to leave someone who tried as hard as you have!
Hi TO,
So happy you are not one of those ladies that get back into a R and then start taking it for granted and empty a jar of painful words on a H because of all his missteps.
You sound really mature, you know the R is very fragile, you know it need nurture and you are doing it. Watering the seed everyday. Fantastic!!!
It's very encouraging to read you story. Love it.
XOXO
Pink
It does. I backslid during our piecing, but I have come to the conclusion the H had some severe emotional issues, always had, and this could not have ended any other way. I became an emotional wreck, not so fun, (detach fail) out of his subtle hints of leaving me again and hurtful behaviors in between the nice stuff. His choice was to end it, cruel and cold as he could be.
It helps me to know that the tainted feeling, the entitled feelings are natural. I would say everything smelled like cat pee that had been cleaned up but hadn't gone away
I will be rooting for you, TO. I am glad your man realized he'd be a fool to leave someone who tried as hard as you have!
I think my H's upbringing played into his actions or reactions should I say.
I totally get you on the emotional wreck part. That's where I think piecing is more difficult because we are trying to form new relationships while dealing with working on old stuff and healing from whatever happened during separation.
I am not sticking up for your H by any means and don't know everything that happened but only speaking from here I'm sure it didn't play well into piecing if you were like I was. I was so sure that any disagreement we had H would think of D. Which he later told me when we talked about it was NOT the case. I also became more concerned wth who he was texting on his phone, what he was doing, etc. And while I didn't always ask about it he told me he could just tell when something was up with me.
I'm just playing devils advocate here, while I don't and woudln't condone anything physical the best way to learn from all of this is to look at both sides. Not to diminish anything of any sort but to at least work on what you can so you can be your best and Healthy for you.
Hi TO,
So happy you are not one of those ladies that get back into a R and then start taking it for granted and empty a jar of painful words on a H because of all his missteps.
You sound really mature, you know the R is very fragile, you know it need nurture and you are doing it. Watering the seed everyday. Fantastic!!!
It's very encouraging to read you story. Love it.
XOXO
Pink
Thanks Pink
I will say one of the things I rarely did (maybe twice total) was hash out the past as far as yelling and calling him names and saying hurtful things. The only time I did do that the two times was in the beginning of piecing in August-October.
I hope that my story will help others on wjat not to do and what works. I hope to be able to help others but still have a lot to learn myself. I also plan to stay around here to repay all the help others have given me. I will never forget Woundedfool telling me I could repay him by returning the help to others. So that I will do.
T, I'm so glad things are still improving. You sound very strong and confident. You rock!
That's where I think piecing is more difficult because we are trying to form new relationships while dealing with working on old stuff and healing from whatever happened during separation.
I was thinking about this today. When H and I were first piecing the pain was so raw and little things seemed to ignite my fears. Everything between us felt fragile. One day I'd think we were doing great and the next I thought he was out the door again. Now the pain is more of a dull ache that rarely flares up and we are back on even ground. It somewhat boggles my mind how one day things just seemed to click into place and the fear really dissipated.
I'm so impressed by how you've handled everything, T0. I'm sure many people on these boards will benefit from your advice.
Hi ladies,
You are a pillar to hold many of us going through the separation and like myself the Big D.
It's a huge inspiration to keep trying and standing for our marriages once reading that you too, lived a very hard time with your Hs having an affair.
This week is very hard for me. Just to think that my H went to Paris to see his affair, brakes my heart. Sometimes I even think if it is even possible to go back together after all this.
But I read all your lines and see that life is not always as perfect as we would like it to be.
TO, thanks for being here and give this inspiration that we all need so much. I am following your footsteps and started making a list of what can work for me. I have been giving in every time my H is crying and feeling like crap, but he still knows how to arrange everything in his life just to go see the OW.
It's time I stop going on cheeseless tunnels and find the way that works. You are my guidance. Thank you.
Hope and pray that things go well and all the pain you both went through is left in the past. That your R will be filled with new experiences that will make you stronger together.
Thanks so much for giving us so much.
Love,
Pink
Thanks Heart -
I agree I felt the same way! Still do some days and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't tough but we are definitely in a way better place than a few months ago. Hard to believe where we've come from since the new year. I'm glad to hear things are getting better for you guys. I am hopeful that one day this will be a distant memory and won't pop into my mind as often as now.
Pink-
I'm sorry your H is away making poor choices. I know how hard it is. My H took several vacations with OW and her family. OW and her step mom (who was in my wedding!!) plastered photos all over social media. So as far as what you can come back from - don't worry about that now. I used to ask that all the time. IF it ever comes to R you can worry about all of that then because you will face a whole new flood of emotions.
Thank you for your words, Pink. I owe so much to this forum and the many wonderful people here. I hope I can pay it forward to others.
I can't stress enough how important it is to take control of your life and do what makes you happy. You don't have to be rude to H but you don't need to be his best friend. He needs to MISS you. Right now he can cry to you and run to OW. Why wouldn't he want to keep it this way? You're cuddling with him while still going over D paperwork. I don't say this to be mean I just want you to worry about yourself and put you first!
So I just received the final report that the divorce is officially dismissed. H and I joked if we are supposed to go out and celebrate.
What a crazy ride this has been
Hope everyone had a Happy Easter
By All means celebrate.
This is happy news! Very pleased for you both!
Seriously, you have to celebrate this! Not only is there reason to rejoice, but it's a great opportunity for a very meaningful date. Make it memorable.
That's such great news! Go ahead and celebrate!
T0 - that is awesome! I'm with Mozza that you guys should celebrate big time!
Thanks everyone ---
We are definitely going to celebrate but not tonight. The boys had soccer and I work the next 3 but we have a sitter and plans for Friday
Thanks for the well wishes.
T0, this is great news! Enjoy your night out at the end of the week:)
Thanks ladies-
Couldn't have done it without you all. Train - you really helped me more than you know.
It was my absolute honor and pleasure, sweetie.
TO,
That is wonderful news! Definitely go celebrate.
So happy for you. You have had an amazing journey.
Hi TO,
Congrats sweetie. Hope your friday went well. It's so great to hear that you two could love each other again. And now, with a lot more knowledge and maturity.
May God bless you both and your M.
Love,
Pink
Awesome.....simply awesome. You're inspiring to us all.
Hi to. I want to talk to you. Amy way to message privately?
By the way I'm so happy for you
Thanks everyone! H arranged our date night last Friday/no more D celebration. We actually ended up having a nice dinner and going to City Walk (a group of bars, etc). It was a nice night minus my headache the next day. It's crazy to think where I am this year vs this time last year. I had just joined DB and was an emotional wreck.
Pink - thank you:) I hope you're doing well. I have to look up your sitch and get updated.
We have both grown and changed together. Our relationship is really great. I start grad school next month so we will see how that goes. It will be pretty intense for 2 years but then I will be free! Haha
I still lurk on this board but I'm always on my phone so it's hard to post a long detailed response to others. Sometimes I feel like I come off short.
Anyway thank you everyone
I'm happy for you, TO. Looks like we live in same neck of woods too.
Thanks Zelda
I feel like we have a lot of Floridians around here
Hi TO,
Really happy things are going well to you and your H. So, just to freshen up and I am sure you know this well, but just a reminder.
Please, be on DB mode. Be careful you don't fall back into old habits. Take care after yourself and make yourself happy independent of anyone or anything around you.
God bless you and your family. Be happy and enjoy the ride.
Love
Pink
Thanks pink! I hope you are doing well.
Not much to report around here. Life has been pretty busy since I've started Grad School --- the DNP is not for the faint of heart. 2 years and I will never (hopefully) go back to school again!
Things are well on the home front. H remains stressed about work and finances and is still waiting on this other job. I listen when he talks about it but I don't really dive into it too much. We've continued to keep our finances separate. We never have done this until after S. Prior to BD everything was always joint. It does feel strange to me still ... Us taking turns paying things, etc but We both agree it's what's best for us right now.
I do find myself with baby fever right now! I brought it up to H and he shut it down saying he's done for good. So I'm trying to deal with that lol
Hope everyone is well
I do find myself with baby fever right now! I brought it up to H and he shut it down saying he's done for good. So I'm trying to deal with that lol
Things can always change, don't take what he says now as how it will always be. I said something similar when W got pregnant with our 3rd just before BD. Now I feel like I want 2-3 more, just not sure with who/when that will be.
Wounded fool are you around anymore??
I just wanted to say hi - I haven't seen you post in awhile.
T0,
I saw your thread updated and I just wanted to say thanks for investing so much time and energy in my sitch. You have been a huge blessing to me. Thanks!
Wounded fool are you around anymore??
I just wanted to say hi - I haven't seen you post in awhile.
Why yes, Alive and well (the rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated). I still lurk, but have not found any threads that jump out as needing my "free advice". But my eye is always out for them.
Awesome! It really does help to hear of success stories. For most of us we can't believe there's a light at the end of this tunnel.
Congrats!!
Why yes, Alive and well (the rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated). I still lurk, but have not found any threads that jump out as needing my "free advice". But my eye is always out for them.
Glad to hear you're doing well, I needed to make
Sure the rumors weren't true
. I feel the same I've kept up with a few but I never feel like I have much to add.
H started his new job and is commuting as well. Not as far as me but driving quite a bit. He's making almost triple what he had been making the past few years since starting at that place. Grad school is kicking my butt! I actually just was asked to apply for a new position making close to six figures but I don't know how I would mange school with that. Better to have more options then not enough, though!
We are taking the boys to NYC in a few weeks and then H and I have an anniversary weekend planned for the weekend in a couple months to a tropical destination.
Are things perfect? Absolutely not... But we COMMUNICATE. We talk. He really is much more cognizant of his behavior. I still get upset if something triggers the past but I deal with it on my own and it doesn't last long and I don't let it affect my
Mood towards others.
The biggest trigger I've probably dealt with happened last week while I was out with the boys painting pottery of all places - OW was there. Fortunately I've dealt with running into her with the boys before. I repeated what I did previously. Didn't even acknowledge that I noticed her and continued on with what we were doing.
Anyway hope everyone is well!
Glad to hear you're doing well, I needed to make
Sure the rumors weren't true
.......Anyway hope everyone is well!
Your post really made my day, I am so glad to hear it
Thank you so much for coming back to update us. I like what you said about the role of communication. It seems like no relationship will ever be smooth sailing so that we need to find someone who will communicate with us. I'm really glad that things are good in your M. How about I move you from the piecing to the reconciliation section of the success stories?
Not to drag this thread back from the dead BUT
I just wanted to wish each and every one of you a Happy Thanksgiving!! I wouldn't be where I am today without this board!
Special thanks as always to woundedfool, Train. Sandi, Gbelle, Maybell, Claire, and so many more that I know I am forgetting!
To those of you just joining -- this does work - you will save yourself most importantly. Don't let fear drive you!
Hi To324
Happy Thanksgiving To you and your family from the UK!
Do you have a link to your original thread as I would like to read your success story? Did your H have an EA/PA or was he a WAH?
Also would you be so kind as to make a list of what worked and what didnt work. Thanks
Thanks! He had an EA led him to moving out without notice then PA and filed for D.
I'm not sure how to link but if you look up my posts and go back to the first page you will see the enormous amount of embarrassing posts haha
Special thanks as always to woundedfool, Train. Sandi, Gbelle, Maybell, Claire, and so many more that I know I am forgetting!
Well aww shucks....
Right back at ya' kid. Have a great Christmas and NY.