My DB sucess story. - 01/13/15 06:54 PM
I see people frequently ask about DB success story's, so I thought, I'll share mine. The forum really helped me years ago when I needed it. I never posted, I just read and read and read. This is my first post.
In March of 2010 I was married with two young daughters, a great home on the beach, a very successful career, and from the outside looking in, had the perfect life. I had been married for about 15 years, I was 40, my wife was 38. Like most couples we had our share of ups and downs, but, in my eyes, things seemed good.
On March 7th 2010, things took a dramatic turn. I discovered (not important how) my wife had a one night stand with a ski instructor in Colorado while on a ski trip with friends. I confronted my wife, she admitted to it and promptly said she wanted a divorce. She said all of the typical things a WAW will say, ILYBNILWY, I've been unhappy for years, I want passion, ect. I was stunned. I never saw it coming.
After the initial shock, a friend recommended DB. I bought the book, did several phone counseling sessions and became a frequent visitor here. Like most people I made mistakes along the way with anger and expectations. During the process a 2nd OM appeared making it even tougher. The one thing I did and did well was GAL. I figured out really early that the more I did for myself the happier I was, the better father I was, the better employee I was. If I got nothing else from DB it was to go live my life and control what I can control. When things got really bad, I did more for myself and kids and withdrew further from her. I let her marinate in her own emotions, actions and consequences. I was becoming more the person I wanted to be and she was becoming less of the person she wanted to be.
I used DB as a framework, i didn't follow all of it to a tee, I used what worked for me, but also followed my own path.
After about a year of DBing and more importantly, GALing. I woke up one day and realized, my daughters and I deserved better. I filed for divorce. It was the most liberating day of my life. My WAW, was stunned, never saw it coming. For me it became about self respect and self worth. I had been cheated on, lied to, stolen from (she pilfered about $80k during that year)betrayed and mistreated to the point that I had become a WAH. I had boundaries, she broke them, and knew there were no consequences, she knew I wasn't leaving, she knew she was in the driver's seat, she knew she was the one to make the choice and not me, until that day. The day I left fear behind.
After an ugly 8 month and incredibly expensive battle we divorced in 2012. We split custody of the kids 50-50. You've read this far and I'm guessing your asking where is the success story?
Success comes in many forms, I've lived a charm life, things always came easy to me and always went my way (one of WAW's biggest complaints) This was the first real crisis in my life, lucky right? While DBing didn't save my marriage it did in a way save me. I am a much better parent today than I was in 2010, I know my kids so much better than I ever would have. I quit my job and started my own successful tech company ( we have 50+ employees now including my 8&10 yr old daughters). I'm in the best shape of my life physically and mentally. I have a good co-parenting relationship with the ex. I have a fun and busy social life. My kids are happy, I am happy.
The point of DBing to me was really about me and my kids being happy. The relationship wasn't worth saving in my case, DBing helped me figure that out on my terms. My family, friends, colleagues, and even my XW would agree that I am a much better version of myself today. My XW has struggled since the D ( I get no satisfaction from that btw). She frequently say's that she thought she would be the one who thrived. Every few months she will email or call and tell me how she regrets her actions, I listen and validate. I hate that it came down to divorce, that we couldn't fix what was wrong in our relationship, she was the love of my life, but life goes on and can be great again for you and your kids.
Surf
In March of 2010 I was married with two young daughters, a great home on the beach, a very successful career, and from the outside looking in, had the perfect life. I had been married for about 15 years, I was 40, my wife was 38. Like most couples we had our share of ups and downs, but, in my eyes, things seemed good.
On March 7th 2010, things took a dramatic turn. I discovered (not important how) my wife had a one night stand with a ski instructor in Colorado while on a ski trip with friends. I confronted my wife, she admitted to it and promptly said she wanted a divorce. She said all of the typical things a WAW will say, ILYBNILWY, I've been unhappy for years, I want passion, ect. I was stunned. I never saw it coming.
After the initial shock, a friend recommended DB. I bought the book, did several phone counseling sessions and became a frequent visitor here. Like most people I made mistakes along the way with anger and expectations. During the process a 2nd OM appeared making it even tougher. The one thing I did and did well was GAL. I figured out really early that the more I did for myself the happier I was, the better father I was, the better employee I was. If I got nothing else from DB it was to go live my life and control what I can control. When things got really bad, I did more for myself and kids and withdrew further from her. I let her marinate in her own emotions, actions and consequences. I was becoming more the person I wanted to be and she was becoming less of the person she wanted to be.
I used DB as a framework, i didn't follow all of it to a tee, I used what worked for me, but also followed my own path.
After about a year of DBing and more importantly, GALing. I woke up one day and realized, my daughters and I deserved better. I filed for divorce. It was the most liberating day of my life. My WAW, was stunned, never saw it coming. For me it became about self respect and self worth. I had been cheated on, lied to, stolen from (she pilfered about $80k during that year)betrayed and mistreated to the point that I had become a WAH. I had boundaries, she broke them, and knew there were no consequences, she knew I wasn't leaving, she knew she was in the driver's seat, she knew she was the one to make the choice and not me, until that day. The day I left fear behind.
After an ugly 8 month and incredibly expensive battle we divorced in 2012. We split custody of the kids 50-50. You've read this far and I'm guessing your asking where is the success story?
Success comes in many forms, I've lived a charm life, things always came easy to me and always went my way (one of WAW's biggest complaints) This was the first real crisis in my life, lucky right? While DBing didn't save my marriage it did in a way save me. I am a much better parent today than I was in 2010, I know my kids so much better than I ever would have. I quit my job and started my own successful tech company ( we have 50+ employees now including my 8&10 yr old daughters). I'm in the best shape of my life physically and mentally. I have a good co-parenting relationship with the ex. I have a fun and busy social life. My kids are happy, I am happy.
The point of DBing to me was really about me and my kids being happy. The relationship wasn't worth saving in my case, DBing helped me figure that out on my terms. My family, friends, colleagues, and even my XW would agree that I am a much better version of myself today. My XW has struggled since the D ( I get no satisfaction from that btw). She frequently say's that she thought she would be the one who thrived. Every few months she will email or call and tell me how she regrets her actions, I listen and validate. I hate that it came down to divorce, that we couldn't fix what was wrong in our relationship, she was the love of my life, but life goes on and can be great again for you and your kids.
Surf