OK....I'll play Devil's Advocate!
These are my own experiences and results; YMMV! Just sharing!
I not only exposed both my wife's EA's, I also confronted the OM's; one of them directly in person! Here is why:
Exposing:
1) I consider it DISRESPECT and I refuse to let her disrespect me!
2) She still lives at home; I still pay her bills and provide a blanket of financial protection. This is where the disrespect comes in.
3) You live in my house, being provided for by me, getting your bills paid, you will play by my rules or move out / divorce me!
4) I don't do this to be a d*ck; these are boundaries, the only boundary I have really set. Otherwise, she is free to lead her life and come and go as an adult should! Beyond this, I have owned my part of the marriage, saw an IC, GAl'd and continue to make my improvements.
Confronting:
1) Again; I won't let anyone (including OM) disrespect me!
2) Most OM's don't expect this; you are now a reality in their fantasy that they have to deal with!
3) If you are confident, Show no fear, cordial and show evidence, they tuck tail and run (both mine did as far as I can tell). They don't want your evidence getting in the "wrong" hands (alleviates telling the OMW if you are unsure you want to do this). Most DO NOT want a confrontation and get really nervous when you know things about them, their personal life and their family!
***If my wife wasn't still at home and I was not supporting her in any way, then I would care less and probably have moved on!
***If you are going to confront, better know d@mn well what you are getting into, know your adversary and get some background info.
***I DO NOT recommend any public exposure; definitely bust the cr@p out of your WAS, maybe set and boundary and make it a consequence of telling OMW if she doesn't comply! My opinion!
My results:
- As far as I can tell, both OM's are out of the picture.
- I did my investigative work; when I exposed a lot of my knowledge (especially when it comes to their family / home life, place of work, home address, routine, etc...) I think they realize just how easy it is for you to reach out and "touch" them even if they are 2000 miles away! And, no, I never threatened them or anything; just knowledge of their life and activities! I think this scared OM#2 a lot!
- Due to consequences of 2nd EA, wife has "lost" all privileges to privacy. I didn't force her, I gave her a choice: full transparency whenever asked or move out! She hasn't moved yet!
- It appears that since I made a stand (especially on the second incident and dropped an ultimatum) things are a lot better on the home front. She has turned a lot of her attention back my way and a lot of positive things that I won't go into here.
Bottom line; do what you feel is right for you. Some will come on here and disagree with me! They are welcome to do that! To each there own!
I'm new to DB. I just got the book. So far, there don't seem to be much in the way of strategies on how to deal with an ongoing A. But, I realize that I've been pretty much doing everything opposite of the DB method up to this point. Lol!
It happens! DB/DR are really good books and I have re-read a lot of it, but, that being said, I don't think it covers 100% of every sitch. You know your own sitch & spouse and you have to tailor it in some areas! Just my $0.02!
I've now got the OM's physical address. I can go out and expose the A to his W tomorrow at her home while her H is working. Should I do it? I could also send her a Fed Ex Letter. Under these circumstances, is this type of exposure a good strategy at this point?
If you are going to do this, DO NOT go to the OM's home! Do it on neutral ground! try to contact her by some other means and set a meeting! Again, my $0.02!
Azagtoth