Old thread locked.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...378#Post2444378Thanks for you support YE21. I see how strongly you feel about the things you are learning in your journey through you situation.
Well no news from W. Mentioned the email to a friend. He came clean to say W told his W had already been hearing from my W 2-3 years ago that she didn't love me anymore...I am moving in the right direction.
Interestingly enough I've heard that W thinks I am involved with an OW and that's why I'm finally standing up for what I think. I'm actually just standing up because its the right thing to do. I've made casual friends with people, but nothing like what she seems to be considering.
Interestingly enough I've heard that W thinks I am involved with an OW and that's why I'm finally standing up for what I think. I'm actually just standing up because its the right thing to do.
Thats the key, you are taking care of yourself and at the beginning of your sitch that seemed weird....now you know thats the appropiate thing to do for Paul despite what she or the world think
W came by to move more things out today. She took most of the rest of her clothes. Her closet still has some things in it. I will box them up and send them to her or ask her to get them.
Paul unless she asked you to box her things up I would let them be. Time to take care of Paul. Time to have fun and live. Hope you feeling strong.
Hi bug. Out with s12 at a hockey game and tailgate party...wearher is great today.. Sooo much fun. I am continuing to keep busy and detach. I did ask W to empty her closet please. Sometimes i chat via text or phone with a new friend. We've had coffee 2x. She is kind and i enjoy visiting with her. She understands where i am in my walk and we have no illusions of rushing into a romance. But its nice to just visit.
Life is calmer this week. I've been dojng some good reading. I see so many things i did early on that made things worse and caused my W to be more disrespectful or distant. I am learning as i go and so thankful foe the support and advice from the group.
Thanks rick. I realized after the words. came out
Hey Paul-Just caught up on your thread again. How are you feeling? Will your wifes things being out of your home make you feel better or worse? Hope your D16 is doing ok. Sounds like a rocky R with your wife.
Journal. Great workout this morning. Great hockey dsy yesterday. Doing as much as possible. Still sometimes the tears come from out of nowhere. I get mad about that. I don't understand it.
Blues, its ok having her things gone. I does feel strange in a way I can't explain. There was a slight feel of sadness when i saw thst she had finally emptied those last few drawers with her spring and summer clothes in them. Not sure i understand it so i will just feel it.
(((Paul)))
One day at a time...so trite, but true. I hope you are taking care of yourself with some self-care stuff...hobbies, going for a walk, or going out for a beer with a buddy.
Tears will come and go in waves. Just go with the flow and not resist. Tears are a part of the emotional clearing out.
Paul, you are doing great. Yes, the tears and the bad days will come . . . but overall you are getting stronger and happier.
I have someone coming over tomorrow to help me pack up what is left of H's stuff and put it in the garage so he can pick it up when he wants.
This whole thing [censored], but we will get through it, and there is a great life waiting on the other side. ((hugs))
Thanks wonka.
Thanks M. How is you situation? Havent head much. .....
Also, i am finding that just like having a D in process doesnt stop the pain...having a casual friend doesnt either. Although i am beginning to see that people should not treat each other the way my W treated.me. she is helping me understand more about compassion, caring and being a good friend. I lost a little of that in all of these years with W.....
Have been getting emails from W about kids school stuff and bills. She sounds blech...lol. the farther away i walk, the less i want to actually hear from her about anything. Its usually complaints about the way i am administering things at "home base" (my words).
I just want to get thru this process.
Well W finally changed her relationship staus on fb to something other than M. I changed mine too. It seems that changes are moving faster now. Although they don't hurt per se, i notice them. Its like watching a movie of my life sometimes. I also see thst she's getting confirmations of changing address on some of her things. This is all part of the process.
Paul,
Yep..one brick at a time in dismantling the M's foundations. I am sorry that you're experiencing this. I can understand what you're going through at this time. Not fun right now. In time, you'll learn to smile again.
I'm waiting for the FB change from my H too Paul. I'm glad that you are not hurting from them and are somewhat detached.
Thsnks mamab and wonka. I do appreciate you looking in on me.
Last night i had dinner with D16's BF parents. The kids asked if i would like to meet them as they have been dating for a while now. I really like them. I appreciate the people thst D16 surrounds herself with. I thanked BF's mom for taking D16 ' under her wing' these past few months as a kind of surrugate mom. She has been very kind. Detachment continues full speed ahead. W seems more foreign each day. A new friendship is also beginning to form in my life. I am happy to see that there are kind people who will make time to visit with me and enjoy my company.
Keep your head up Paul-you are strong!
Hi bug! I had my parenting class. That is required here. I enjoyed it and i liked meeting others like me. My story is tame compared to others.
W continues to be distant. I don't mind so much now. I now see my M for the dysfunctuonal thing it was. My new friendship is providing me some perspective too. I am just enjoying her company. She enjoys mine too. I needed that. I spend times with friends and with my kids. I've been out with my new friend several times as well. She makes time.for.me. W didn't do that for the past 10-12 years despite my requests to change that.
It is what it is i guess. Our first ( and hopefully only) mediation is this week for custody. I spoke briefly with W about what she wanted so i wasn't suprised. We are in the same page i think.
Custody mediation went well. It was the first time i hwve seen or spoken with W for an extended time in a while. W seemed to be mistrustful of me and the process. We reached a partial agreement and she decided to hire her own L to continue the process as she didn't feel comfortable that she clearly understood her rights about everything. We agreed thsts what was best if she felt that way.
She said i didn't give her much information about the activities at the house. I reminded her about my weekly status updares but said i had stopped them when she showed no interest in seeing them and when she didnt send her own schedule. I just thought i was over communicating. W said she did t communicate with me much over these months bc there was "always baggage when we communicate...." She said she was finnaly starting to feel better and wanted to continue feeling better. I ssid i was glad to hear thst for her. I agreed to begin sending a weekly update of kids schedules to her each Sunday night.
W Cried during the meeting a couple of times. I feel bad for her. To me she seems lost. But thats just me.....i told her i feel good nowand that i know we will be ok. She quietly nodded. I just don't understand everything i saw in her. Ghis is what she chose. Why isnt she happy?
Sometimes we jump from the frying pan into the fire.
Even decisions that are good for us can be painful. I've had to do things that were good for my kids that were painful for me. I shed tears and questioned if I was doing the right thing. Have you had that experience?
Keep the focus on you. Has your growth brought you to a place that you're ready for a new R?
Hi bug. I feel at peace with my current place. I even felt good enough to tell her i knew we'd be ok. I missed companionship. My new friend is realistic that i am still possibly raw. Baby steps. It does feel nice that i am appreciated in ways that i have not been in a very long time. So far i feel good about things. I am kind of going with the flow for now.
What you mention makes sense. Like i told W, this whole thing stinks. I cant stop whats happening and she has no wish to do so . Still it hurts.
My kids respect me more now. I appreciste thst too. They know that i see someone and are happy that i seem happy. Baby steps.
Tough days. D16 tried to commit suicide yesterday. The full reasons.are not known. She is in the hospital and stable. She is safe now. Time to heal.
On a separate note, i helped a friend with trouble.in his M find this site and this body of work. Its been a good place for me and i hope he will.find help.here
Oh, Paul. So sorry. You, your daughter and family are in my prayers. We are here for you. (((( ))))
So sorry to hear that Paul, thoughts are with you & your family, I hope your daughter gets the help & professional support she needs.
So sorry to hear that Paul, I hope that you and your family are well. Big hugs my friend, keep you in my prayers!
Hope she is doing ok and im sorry this has happened. Be strong
Thanks artsy and up. We will get thwre. D16 rejected W at hospital today. W called me to blame me for what is happening. I lost my patiene with her after she kept digging. I should not have.
(((Paul))). I am so sorry that your D16 is hurting this much, whatever the cause. I am glad she is physically OK and I know you will get her the help she needs. Just ignore your W right now; her whining is the least of your worries.
Paul - I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'll keep your family in my prayers.
(((Paul)))
I'm so sorry, Paul. I'm glad to hear your D is okay. Hang in there.
Paul, you and your family are in my thoughts.
Hi Paul,
I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I am in a similar situation as my wife tried to commit suicide about 2 weeks ago. I found an excellent article on what family and support people should do in the year following an attempt. I believe it is put out by livestrong. I will look for it when I get home and send the info to you somehow. I will pray for you and your daughter. Feel free to contact me if you need any support as we may be able to help each other through some tough times ahead.
Hey Paul,
Sorry read about your daughter. Wow...she must feel that she has no other way but out. Kids think that they cannot talk with their parents because they think/feel that their problems are not solvable. Not true.
I pray that your D can pull through this with your love and support!
(((Paul/daughter))))
I am so sorry. Your family is in my thoughts.
Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Stay strong!
Thanks all for the support. I havr her home now after a stay in ICU and then a brief comittment to a mental health facility. Issues with her mom continue. SHe is strong. She will be ok. Tonight she is scared.
Day 3 at home for D16. We went shopping for flowers to brightrn thr gardren. She seems to like idea. I could use some creative touches around thrnyard. I asked my daughters to come up with flowers and colors they liked. The sitch with d16 and W is driing anwedge between them. I hipe.working on this project will help relieve the pressure.
Paul - I am so sorry to hear about your D16. My heart broke when I read you posts. So glad to hear that she is home and you are giving her lots of love and support!
Thanks 3! She will get there. I was suprised that W was still critical about her this morning when we spoke in my driveway. Every time she speaks i realize things are going the way they should. I hate saying that..but its been very negative
I am so sorry your wife is only thinking of herself when she she should only be thinking of her daughter.
Wow, Sending my best your way. These situations are hard on everyone. Keep being a wonderful Dad to your kids!
D16 is healing. W continues to drag her feet about all divorce subjects. My BIL called me after almost 8 months. He wanted to say he was sorry about the way things are going and would.like to keep in touch with me and the kids. He said he wasn't sure if his sister (W) would like that but he would like to try. We shall see. Life continues to move forward. I feel like i am a.million miles from where i starting. I still have a long walk ahead of me.
D16 is healing. W continues to drag her feet about all divorce subjects. My BIL called me after almost 8 months. He wanted to say he was sorry about the way things are going and would.like to keep in touch with me and the kids. He said he wasn't sure if his sister (W) would like that but he would like to try. We shall see. Life continues to move forward. I feel like i am a.million miles from where i starting. I still have a long walk ahead of me.
Paul,
I'm glad your d is doing better. It's nice to hear an update from you. Sending you positive vibes.
Life is continuing on. I got s storage locker for W's things thst she said she wants but hasn't moved. I told her about it and gsve her a key. She protested and simaid that no one should move her things but her and her friends. Yet she hasnt come for those things. I pointed out its been over 7 months and as she stated she' s not coming home. I gold her i have other things i want to put in place of whst she says she tsking.
She isnt giving me a time when she will come get her furniture. I am comfortable with her coming in and spending alot of time her picking over things. She won't give me a list of what she says she wants. She just says almost everything in the house is " mine" which is not true.
I gave her 2 weeks and then said i am going to move items to the locker thst i know are hers from b4 we married. After that..i dont know.
The nieghbors told me she mentioned she doesnt understsnd how things got to where they are now.....ugh.
If your W said not to move the stuff, I would think moving it would just enrage her. Leave it alone unless it was causing an issue in your home. Besides, if she wants out, make her do the work. Just my opinion.
Life is continuing on. I got s storage locker for W's things thst she said she wants but hasn't moved. I told her about it and gsve her a key. She protested and simaid that no one should move her things but her and her friends. Yet she hasnt come for those things. I pointed out its been over 7 months and as she stated she' s not coming home. I gold her i have other things i want to put in place of whst she says she tsking.
She isnt giving me a time when she will come get her furniture. I am comfortable with her coming in and spending alot of time her picking over things. She won't give me a list of what she says she wants. She just says almost everything in the house is " mine" which is not true.
I gave her 2 weeks and then said i am going to move items to the locker thst i know are hers from b4 we married. After that..i dont know.
The nieghbors told me she mentioned she doesnt understsnd how things got to where they are now.....ugh.
Me and my questions...what's driving the need to move her stuff now?
Pilot thanks for checking in. Great feedback. Bug, w keeps talking about how "mist of the stuff in the house is mine.." she wont list what she wants and she has stated one offs like....well the bedroom is mine and the couch...and the dining room set. So i found sales to replace her stuff with my own. Now the sales are past and some of things i like are sold. I will find others...but tired of limbo. And having her dangle it over my head is beyond old.... I want my own life and to not have her "stuff" in my space for me to take care of. There has already been a couple of spills and stains on things since she left. Its just life....but i cleaned them up. I no longer want to be concerned with hers vs .mine. Shes not coming back. I am not a warehouse. My 2 cents.
I cant fit 2 of everything in my home and since shes not coming back she should move her things and be out of the way. Make sense?
Why not set a deadline -- it must be out by x or it's craigslisted?
But are those things really hers? Have you agreed to that?
You have to be careful that whatever you do is legal if in fact it is hers. Has your atty weighed in on this?
I can understand wanting it gone but for now, it's saving you money, right?
I agree, set a deadline make it workable like 2-3 weeks. Then tell her she either needs to come get it and put it in storage, I think they run about 75-100 a month. Put it in writing!! I agree you are not a warehouse or storage. She either takes what she wants or it's yours, or the Salvation Army.
I told my H he wanted to take certain things, others he wanted to leave, I said whatever you don't take that's yours will go to the curb!
Hi bug. I agree eith msking syre all was legal. I checked with my atty because i have the same question. It is legal to move those items to a storage as long as we both have access. We do. I gave each of us a key. I agree it saves money, but what is difficult is that she continues to hold this over my head. I am no longer willing to do that. Bonital, rented the storage for 120 per.mo. that was for a 10x15 room. Big enough for the couch,table and chairs she says she wants.
There is no going back to where we came from. She is gone. What confuses me is that she is not helping me move forward at all. She is just sitting. She is the one that walked out and doesnt want this. I am on the same page now so lets go....my 2 cents
You want it gone, move it and let it go.
How is she holding it over your head? Let it go.
You're getting there, Paul.
W called friday. She made arrangements to moveher things Saturday. She came and mived them. The exchange was peaceful. She came and boxed up her remaining items. I worked on yard work outside quietly and left her to it. She had a truck and some friends arrive later to take her larger items. All done within a few hours. My kids were around and just stayed to themselves during this time. S12 Went to the park to rollerskate during most of this time or quietly spent time in his room.
I have an emptier bedroom, dining room and living room now. I told the kids we will work to replace what she moved out today in the next few months. They are going to shop wuth me to help me design a space we all enjoy.
Hi Paul,
I think it's great that you are letting the kids help create a space that all of you enjoy. You can create your own little family oasis:-) Glad the exchange with your W was pleasant.
Paul, I was just thinking about you yesterday!
I'm sure the house feels a little empty and it must be stirring up some feelings. This, too shall pass brother!
Make the space your own! You got this!
Hi Paul, just checking in on you. You sound like you are doing well.
How is your D doing?
Thanks GB! HI artsy! Thanks for checking in. I don't log in much these days. Hi M! Its been a long time since i have seen posts for you. How are you? D16 is continuing to heal. She tried a new job out but it was very physical and she could not do the work so she gave the job up.
I changed where my paycheck goes effective july 3. Haven't told W yet but I will later this week. I am nervous about my finances but it will be ok. I just need to get there.
W contnues to drag her feet about the D. We will get there eventually. a mutual friend mentioned that W said she has no idea why things are the way they are now or how her life gor to this place it is in now. I don't understand that comment. In her view everything was just fine the way it was.
My new friend and i continue to do well. I am learning from her. My kids see a version of me they never really knew before and they like it.
W finally hired a L. We are now moving forward. I continue to press forward with changes for me and the kids
Hey Paul great to see you are doing well!!
Custody part is now done. Property division is next. We almost done. Its been quiet anf respectful. She doesn't want to fight and neither do I. She told.me she just felt we made each other sick and shr couldnt do it anymore. I told her i didnt feel we needed to take our marriage down this path, but i respected that she felt trapped in our life.
I felt that i should have been able to protect us from this..i just couldnt do it slone. I am happy now, but shared that this process has left a mark on me. She agreed. I wished her well.
Shr had a BF but they broke up. I am still seeing someone and i am enjoying thhat. Still this process hurt, regardless of any other good things that are happening. I hope to forgive myself someday. Its a daily process of letting go.
We will find our way...i just don't kow what thst will look likenin the future. Respect and freedom from our bond was.all i had left to give W. She appreciated that.
Hi Paul, I posted here but it must have gotten pruned in the recent upgrade.
Just saying Hi.
Hi Bug! More tears lately (just privately working through this) my GF has been very kind and respectful about the process...she has also been through it...I missed hearing from you these past weeks...there just wasnt much to update...
this process, regardless of good things that may follow, just hurts. I have the things I wanted now. I plan to make the most of the gift. The price was very steep.
Sometimes two people are heslthier apart than together. I am learning to accept that it just is what it is. For many months now i have struggled to understand "why". I know that i am in a better frame of mind these days. I kow that my kids have a better version of me these days. In the beginnjng, i was hurting so much i am nit sure i was my best self. Time and distance have helped all of us. My kids are beginning to"level out". Our new routines are firmly in place. I continue to wake up each morning thsnkful cor what i have instead of bitter for what i don't have. I like that.
W is still in a hurtful place. I would not want to live like she does. But its not my life. I guess sometimes saying goodbye and good luck is all we have.
W called today. She objected to the wording in a letter from my L stating that i felt she hsd been in the house at times when i was not aware and thst she should not do that. We spoke for a few moments. I had introduced her to my GF on monday. They shook hands and were cordial. She told me today thst she thought my GF was nice and seemed good for me. She hopes for the best of luck for us.
W told me she had been dating and wasn't liking it much. We are trying to get to the end of the process without hurting each other any more than we already have. I told her i don't like the process and that i don't like going to see the L .etc. W said she hoped we'd come out of this ok and be happier again some day. I told her i was getting there.
I thanked her for calling and ended the convo. I emailed my L with terks she was interested in and told him we both want to get this done soon without much more work.
Journaling: We continue our path toward D. I bumped into my STBX FIL yesterday while at a worksite near his home. he stopped at a bank ATM only a few feet from where I was. We spoke for about 20 minutes. We haven't seen each other or spoken since 2 days after W left in December. She lives with her parents.
FIL said he and MIL don't blame me for what happened and still think of me fondly and often. He saw pic's of me and GF on FB and are "happy for me to have found someone".
I was honest to say, I didn't feel that we had to be divorced but I had accepted W's request to not be married anymore and had simply begun to move forward with my life. He said he understood that.
I am still learning to let go of this. My mind wonders what more I could have done. Did I stand long enough after years of dysfunction and hurt...?? I believe I have made the best choices possible with the information I had at the time.
In the end, it comes down to one simple thing... that someone wants you or they don't. W didn't want me. I can't make her want me. I have to let go.
In the end, it comes down to one simple thing... that someone wants you or they don't. W didn't want me. I can't make her want me. I have to let go.
This was painful to read... but I'm realizing it is the truth of my situation. Maybe all of our situations...relationships in general.
Paul: There's a lot of heart in this thread. You are clearly a good man and trying the hardest you can to do what is right. Thank you for posting on my thread and leading me back here.
Journaling: W brought D17 home from school because she wasn't feeing well. Its the first time I've seen W or spoken to her in a while. the convo was peaceful and polite. We discussed D17's health issue for the day and we discussed the other kids in general for a moment.
I also told W that I had contacted my L as per our last convo a few weeks ago, but that nothing had progressed. her boxes are still in my Living room. I asked when she would be retrieving them as they were taking up space and I wanted to continue to clean out things. She said she didn't have the space and didn't know when.
Overall the convo was good and I maintained PMA and smiles. My W looks much different to me now. She has aged during these months and has lost a lot of weight. I was surprised at the changes.
I am noticing that W seems more relaxed now. I think that my dropping the rope has eased the pressure on her and she can relax somewhat more now. Each day I see more changes that I'd like to continue to make for myself. its a process. I have no illusions of W coming back. At this point in the process, I don't want her to...
have a great day all.
Journaling: contact with STBXW is scarce these days. We continue to quietly move toward D. We spoke last evening about kids and the convo was ok. W is taking more time with each child now and even took S12 for hia first overnight visit since Christmas. Dropping the rope has helped her to relax i think. I continue to see places i will need to be watchful of in my own life. I work to improve and be a good partner to someone.
My GF has been very supportive, but i try not to let the D process into.my relationship with her. I am seeing a difference in myself and thebway i deal with tuings in my current R vs my M. Acceptance for all tjst has happened is still a goal of.mine. i am not there yet, but i am getting closer.
Journaling: STBXW called sat morning to confirm plans for her to take D14 to her game. Its the first game she has ever seen D14 play (she's. Been playing for a year). I was happy they did that. W also took D17 to dinner the night before. They are speaking again. I am grateful.
She came to the house early and brought her new BF with her. We shook hands and they stood in my living room while D14 finished getting ready. It was a milestone. We showed out kids that we can still be respectful of each other. It didn't hurt to see her with someone else. It felt weird but I can't. Describe it another way. Just felt weird.
I enjoyed an evening out with GF at her Company Christmas party. She smiled and laughed and hugged and kissed me a lot that night. When she smiles at me, I see it in her eyes too. I ignored that with W for years...her eyes didn't say what her smile did. I think W loved me in her own way....not in a way that I could fully understand and accept.
Now that the pressure Is off, STBXW and I are actually being better to each
other. My GF has been very kind not to poke at things that hurt.
Paperwork should be done soon. GF actually commented to me, "......when you sit down and sign it....its going to hurt like h&ll....for both of you.....I will be here when you need. I won't take it personally that this hurts...it just does..."
I didn't want to be D. I am done fighting though. I can make whatever comes next be amazing for me and my kids.
Hi Paul, I've seen you around and wondered if you'd updated.
Do you still not want to be Dd? It seems your life has changed for the better.
Hi bug! Thanks for checking in on me. Acceptance has been a process. My life today is better than it was a year ago. I could not even see the place I am in today from where I was standing this time last year. I continue to improve myself and work to ensure that I learn something new each day.
My GF and I are in a good place. I have so many of the things that I wanted. Still this experience has left a scar. Sometimes I find myself wondering why M couldn't be saved. I am understanding that I would have had to settle for a lot less than I have now. It wouldn't be healthy.
I am grateful for advice I got here. It helped me to make this transition much less painful. It helped me see my own faults and my contributions to the end of my M. It helped me to conceptrate on self improvement. When GF met me she found the work i was diing for my self and my kids was veey attractive. I vowed to myself tocontinue to do thatwork andbe that man. I have carried these lessons into my current situation and have vowed never to let myself travel the path I just did again. We all paid a price....kids, STBXW, me.
I didn't want to end up this way...yet this is where I am now. All things considered, I am blessed. I have been open and honest about my position that I would not have chosen D but I accept it. Does this make sense?
Yes, it does. Thanks for writing it out.
Life is full of things we wouldn't choose, isn't it? Sometimes it does take a 2x4 to wake us up. At least it did for me. At some point for all of us, life will fall apart. It's part of being human. Becoming a person who is accepting of the uncertainties of life takes work.
It sounds like you're i a good place. ((( )))
Journal: I read my old posts from when I first got here. I feel like that Paul was someone else. I want to extend an apology to 25 for replying to her helpful post in the manner I did. I was not in a good space and didn't consider your words for what they were.
I have watched and listened here over the past several months and I am grateful for the time and energy that people invested in helping me.
During the past year I have renewed my pilot rating, learnedly to fly a jet, was the manager of my kids' team, learnedly more about meditation, committed to regaining my physical fitness (I have attended the gym 4-5 mornings each week and have become more toned and fit). I have been experimenting with cooking new dishes. The kids and my friends are enjoying the things I make. I continue to move forward in making a life for my kids and myself.
I did meet someone. My STBXW also did this. With time and distance from Bd, I have noticed things that I did in my M that were not helpful to staying healthy and happy. I have more empathy for others now. I take time to laugh and time to learn about new things. A friend remarked that they had never seen me so happy. I stopped asking WHY things were they way they were and tried to accept them as my reality. I am trying to take time to learn more about myself. I am hopeful for the future and am grateful for what I learn here.
STBXW and I are learning to co-parent better. Our convo's are more frequent now(she contacts me) and we don't seem as uncomfortable with each other. The post nuptual draft has been sent and is being reviewed by W and her L.
That's. All for now. Time to get the kids to practice.
Paul,
You sound great:-) That makes me do my happy dance!
Thanks GB! I hope all is well with you.
Haven't been on in a while. My GF decided to end our relationship last night. she cited various reasons. Its hard to be feeling like this again, but I know I have grown as a person over the last year with her. Officially she asked for "time and space" I think that's just a way of being nice. She said she was sick about hurting me and the kids. If there is a next time, I will be much more careful. I let her into my heart and our lives and I really go hurt.
Divorce is almost complete. house refi is done. Closing in June. The post nup was provided. we are almost home. I had hoped that this would be a good time for me to move forward in my life with GF but apparently this was not to be.
I dont want this to sound like a 2x4 but it might.
You started a new relationship with GF before you were divorced, before you were whole and healed from marriage,
before you worked on your self and 180'ed all your faults and fixed your self.
My suggestion is to start over with DB, use a beginners mind and figure out some STUFF.
Cause none of us want to keep repeating these scenarios over and over again.
As much as I would like to say it is someone elses fault, who is the common denominator in YOUR relationships?
Sorry again - grieve what has happened and start working on YOU.
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Hello Paul,
I have never agreed with Cadet more than now! I hope you follow his advice.
Allow yourself time to grieve (you need that) and start working on anything you feel can make you a better person.
I'd like to pass this verse on to you:
“But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength” (2 Timothy 4:17).I wish you well.
Bob
thank you both for taking time to read and advise me. I will begin again.
Paul,
You are more than welcome! It has to be tough but you CAN do this.
Bob
My big brother just gave me more sage advice. stop being afraid and trying to a 'square peg in a round hole". he suspects that my fear of losing my GF and not really being ok in my own skin before getting into a Rel, caused GF to see qualities she did not want. When I stop carrying around the fear and learn to be to with myself, things will work much better.
Post nup complete and on its way to the court. The lawyers tell us we'll e officially divorced in 4 to 6 weks. Strangely my Ex and I are getting along better than in the past 10 years. We promised to keep this good spirit between us now. I am greatful.
My GF came back to me in Late June but decided to end it again by Labor day. That has been painful. I still need to grow and learn.