I declare myself "Survived" ! (VI)

Link to previous.....http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2416484#Post2416484

In a moment of cockiness i decided to begin a new thread. 14 months later and I have myself a new life - and it doesnt suck

My "X" is still deeeeeep in the fog and borderline insane. In many ways almost opposite of who she used to be. DB has worked to date- I THINK im becoming a Man only a fool would leave (focus on the word becoming). If the fog lifts and she opens her eyes she will see it.

What am I doing right now (other then performing a "sun dance"- its 12 degrees right now)

I am obsessed with all things credit score and find myself spending too much time gobbling up information with the myfico.___ forum.

I am moving and the house will close on Monday - MY OWN PLACE (only an apartment but it doesnt have "us" history in it)

I am continuing my journey into my "nice guy" tendencies. 38 years living with this BS - its going to take a long time to unpeel this onion.

Im fascinated with just how dumb I am with woman. How unprepared I am for the dating world. Im a "whack a mole" waiting to get walloped. So i am digging deep into attraction and "what works". I CRINGE when I look back- knowing what I know now - but if I do date again I hope not too suck so bad

Exercise, exercise, exercise- time to start the focus on heart rate......Bike, walking, running etc.

I still do not talk about my R with acquaintances. I dont lie but if im asked about my X I tell them she is fine and move on to D4. This is a tough transition as I still feel like a failure and feel embarrassment.

D4's superman

just a work in progress..............

Originally Posted By: Positivespin

I am continuing my journey into my "nice guy" tendencies. 38 years living with this BS - its going to take a long time to unpeel this onion.

Glad to hear this PS. I too am working on myself at a snails pace. Not fun, nor easy, yet all we have is ourselves.

take care.

Very positive, good for you!! Great to hear your update

Wow, PS, you were able to drag jp out of the woodwork.

PS, I'm happy to hear you sounding so...positive!

WHEW!!!!!!!

House is sold, Ive moved in, and there are no boxes anywhere. I accomplished my plan! I was 100% moved out of the 2200 sq foot house on Thur (I began at 7am and returned the UHaul at 11pm). Everything was set up and out of boxes by 7pm on Friday. D4 came home to a obnoxious pink princess bedroom on Sat. Her jaw hit the floor:)

Two days ago the deal closed- I am now "houseless"

I was so physically broken that I was unable to perform any exercise for 3 days. Yesterday was the first day I began to get back into my routine.

Now im in OCD overdrive........cleaning cleaning cleaning.

Last night while journaling I had a Epiphony (This is where you all say "no shnit stupid!"). I realized that I have no one to push me anymore. I havent seen a doctor in 2 years. I need to make a eye appt, dentist appt etc.

Bomb has exploded and its time to create a new normal.

Im knocking on wood right now- im past surviving today and tomorrow- How do D4 and I THRIVE in the new future?

Take care of you....FIRST!!!!!

When I began this journey over a year ago all the vets were pounding in my head the need to "lovingly detach".

About this time last year my X informed me that she would be traveling to S. Fran with her boy toy over the memorial day weekend and that I would need to watch D4............I was broken, the tears flowed and I found myself sinking even deeper in depression.

BOY HAVE TIMES CHANGED

Im writing this today because I just received almost the same exact email today (which brought back the memories)- She is going somewhere, with perhaps someone, again over memorial and I DONT CARE......because Ill be doing something super cool with D4 while also planning my own trip to France later this year!

The principles in DB work on so many different levels BUT, #1- YOU need to work on YOU before you have any hope at long term success.

Tomorrow will only be better

How have you been PS?

You have such a wonderful attitude throughout this crazy journey. Good job with the detachment. Im still having a bit of trouble with this due that I see her every 2nd or 3rd day..

France with your D, how fun would that be!

Hope you and D had a fun Easter!

😃😃😃😃

Come see me .....

Those are smiley faces.... Btw

I was almost killed by a drunk driver ...........

My friends, d4 and I were heading back from a bike show at 11:30 am when we were tagged hard from behind on the highway. We were going 65 on rt 95 and he hit us so hard that the rear bumper pushed the rear seat in 2 inches.

we spun twice and avoided a 18 wheeler- thankfully didnt flip down the embankments on either side of the highway.

...........we all walked away

The driver tried fleeing .....troopers found a open fifth of vodka in the car

and now i have back spasms and surgery to show for it.

Its all good !!!!!!!!

Maybe i now qualify for a medical "License".....If you know what I mean- and I know you all do

Gotta go- ill be back soon

Looks like you have more to do here on earth ;-)

Glad you all are ok!

Yes I do......I need to continue working on my "nice guy" BS and be D4's father

Sat will be a co-parent test for me as its D4's first ballet recital. My parents will be attending and it will be their first time seeing X in over a year....My mother is still pissed, feels like she needs to "share her feelings". I clearly explained that there will be consequences if she does.

After the accident I went to see my doctor for help with the back spasims, as he was feeling around he tells me I have a hernia and refers me to a surgeon.....swell:(

I see the surgeon and now I have a date (pretty shippy date). On May 21 I go under the knife for the first time and it scares the hell out of me.

It also makes me confront one of my original fears head on. I will be alone recovering. No loved one to take me home and check in on me. My mother was all to eager to jump up and volunteer but ive finally made progress on laying down boundaries and her being around will challange those newly laid parameters.

Being a virgo im also VERY critical of my appearance. My list of issues critical of me is long,scaring is just another item.

The spasims have also GREATLY reduced my exercise as I was really starting to look good for the summer. Ive changed my routine but the fact that i had tracked success in pushups and situps from bomb drop was a esteem build for me in terms of seeing progress in a clear way (reps). Goals are being redrawn again.

Im frustrated at the unexpected bump in the road. Ive never had back stiffness in the morning- Im whiny

Ill get over it and continue to move FORWARD!

Hell, its better than D4 and I Dead!

That some crazy stuff PS! So happy to hear your D was not hurt.

You got some of the best Dr's in the world taking care of you so im sure your back will be good as new in no time!

Glad to see you set boundary's with your mother, She feels your pain and still wants to protect her little boy.

You will make it through this bump in the road with your never give up positive attitude.

You and D are still on this earth, count your blessings

Im bald, seperated and soon to be UNEMPLOYED!!!!!!

My center is closing mid July . I was informed last week.

I was told to go to the conference room. When I walked in there was a box of tissues on the table. I knew.

My co-workers were ruined. Some will lose houses or cars.....

Thankfully, I have no Mortgage, no debt and live below my means.

There is interest in me within my company but at locations much further away from my Apt (up to 90 minutes away) Needless to say, my mind is all over the place.

My number 1 priority is being D4.5 father
My number 2 priority is to remain in the same area as to Maintain my support network and allow D4.5 as much contact with Mommy as possible

I realize that im scared of unemployment. Im also realizing that I was looking for "permission" to stop working from someone. I was at a point 2 nights ago where I was willing to accept ANY job- just to remain "employed".

Today Im mixed. I realized that If im unemployed I should use the time to do things I would never have the opportunity to do....Like take a three week trip to India- That is exciting. I have a friend there who would provide 100% lodging.

but then the Herculean task of finding a new job punches me in the gut and I start to think that I should take the same job that I hate BUT HAVE, in a different location further away, for less money- just to not be unemployed!!!!!!!

Im rambling right now...

I feel like I need to be "responsible" because im a father.....

but what does "responsible" mean in this context?

The best part in all of this;

I will have been confronted by my two biggest nightmares (W affairs and layoff) - I cant believe how much strength I have:)

Keep your head up no matter how FUBAR your sitch is !!!!!

That's a blow definitely.

Are you doing your life's work in your current job?

If not maybe this is a good time to figure out what that is and how to make it your employment.

Best of luck.

Labug-

That is EXACTLY what im thinking- figuring out what "IT" is will be a challenge. Im still working on who I am.

I feel very detached from this announcement. Is it possible that I loathed my job for so long that im happy they made this decision for me?

Life has interesting twists and turns, we can look at them in different ways-we have that choice.

Talk about twists and turns......................

My x-mother in law just bought me a new car "To make sure her granddaughter is safe"

Im not a mindreader

How are you doing now PS?