Left Behind on the Left Coast VI: New Year, New Me - 01/09/14 06:30 PM
Last Thread
Right, so I've been saying I'll post for a while now, so I guess I'll finally do it.
I had our final settlement conference in December and we're still not in agreement, but the STBX is beginning to realize what the law has to say in our sitch and offered to pay me her share of the debt to keep the car. I don't feel I can trust her to do this, so I'm continuing to push for her returning the car and me taking all the community debt. We are going to trial this month, probably in the third week.
The STBX sent me another drive-by nastygram text around 12/20 or so. I debated on whether to ignore it entirely or try to engage civilly, so I did the latter. She alternated between hurling insults about my character and making crazy accusations that had no basis in reality. I responded coolly and civilly, trying to point out the facts. Maybe I should have been more validating to her feelings, but I cannot risk even the appearance of conceding her points and I know it wouldn't make a lick of good anyway. So she eventually stormed off after calling me controlling, selfish, manipulative, deceitful, a user, etc.
I wonder if she will ever one day look back and realize I have not said a single nasty thing to her since last January, despite her continual hostility? I doubt it.
So Christmas came and went. My mother and I went to my sister's for an early celebration and visiting with my nephew and his family. He just had a son in the summer. My nephew, who has been more like a brother to me, gave me the most thoughtful gift I've ever received, so I got pretty choked up.
On Christmas, Mom and I got together and we cooked a Christmas dinner of our favorite (admittedly non traditional) foods. I turned 40 around the new year and went to my favorite steakhouse with one of my friends I've known since grade school.
I had a lot of free time because my business was closed for several days because of the ways the holidays fell, so I did a lot of genealogical research (one of my hobbies) and learned quite a bit.
A few days after my birthday, I was driving to my therapist's and the song "Nothing Lasts" by Matthew Sweet came up on shuffle. Ordinarily I would have skipped it, but I was in the mood for a cry so I let it play.
One of the verses really struck a chord that day:
I realized the truth of my switch and that day I began to feel okay with it. Of course, my T asked me to read the text exchange between the STBX and myself to him, and that kind of got me upset again and I've been kind of down since. But now I'm beginning to think that there's just too much that has gone bad between us that even if she wanted to R, I don't think we could. Very sad.
I've been pretty busy lately, especially this week. Started back at the gym Monday (weightlifting three times a week), lodge Tuesday, had a meeting for the non-profit last night, T and gym tonight, church breakfast and gym tomorrow, lodge breakfast Saturday, work for the non-profit Saturday, take the cat to get her nails trimmed Saturday, visit with a friend who may be in town, get a job app in for a couple positions, plus I need to work on a website for a friend at church too.
I felt slighted at the lodge Tuesday and the new big cheese (who joined after i went dark some years ago) doesn't seem to appreciate one of the contributions I made to lodge and seems ready to minimize it and hand it off to one of his buddies, but I'm trying not to let that phase me. Trying to keep positive.
Looking forward to T today. I feel like I have so much to work on still. I'm still not happy with the way I look and I'm scared to death of not being able to restart my career at my age. I'm considering going for my Master's, but I'm not sure if it would be financially wise at my age.
Oh, my new year's resolutions...
Maintain the weight loss and try to rebuild some muscle.
Get a new job on my career path.
Be more positive.
Meditate daily and try to read a chapter of a book daily.
So, uh, that's where I'm at right now. I appreciate everyone who checks in on me, and I try to stay current with your sitches too, I just feel like I don't have much to offer you except moral support so I probably don't chime in as much as I should. Love you all and I wish you the best this year.
Lefty
Right, so I've been saying I'll post for a while now, so I guess I'll finally do it.
I had our final settlement conference in December and we're still not in agreement, but the STBX is beginning to realize what the law has to say in our sitch and offered to pay me her share of the debt to keep the car. I don't feel I can trust her to do this, so I'm continuing to push for her returning the car and me taking all the community debt. We are going to trial this month, probably in the third week.
The STBX sent me another drive-by nastygram text around 12/20 or so. I debated on whether to ignore it entirely or try to engage civilly, so I did the latter. She alternated between hurling insults about my character and making crazy accusations that had no basis in reality. I responded coolly and civilly, trying to point out the facts. Maybe I should have been more validating to her feelings, but I cannot risk even the appearance of conceding her points and I know it wouldn't make a lick of good anyway. So she eventually stormed off after calling me controlling, selfish, manipulative, deceitful, a user, etc.
I wonder if she will ever one day look back and realize I have not said a single nasty thing to her since last January, despite her continual hostility? I doubt it.
So Christmas came and went. My mother and I went to my sister's for an early celebration and visiting with my nephew and his family. He just had a son in the summer. My nephew, who has been more like a brother to me, gave me the most thoughtful gift I've ever received, so I got pretty choked up.
On Christmas, Mom and I got together and we cooked a Christmas dinner of our favorite (admittedly non traditional) foods. I turned 40 around the new year and went to my favorite steakhouse with one of my friends I've known since grade school.
I had a lot of free time because my business was closed for several days because of the ways the holidays fell, so I did a lot of genealogical research (one of my hobbies) and learned quite a bit.
A few days after my birthday, I was driving to my therapist's and the song "Nothing Lasts" by Matthew Sweet came up on shuffle. Ordinarily I would have skipped it, but I was in the mood for a cry so I let it play.
One of the verses really struck a chord that day:
Quote:
It's time to move on
Let the past go
I've waited for you here
But you never showed
Although I asked you
To let me know
I only felt
A cold wind blow
(chorus)
While I tried to hang on
To the past
But you know
That nothin'
Oh no, nothin' lasts
Nothing's in your way
Now you can stand
Right up and run
Wouldn't even change things
If you took back
What you'd done
(chorus)
Let the past go
I've waited for you here
But you never showed
Although I asked you
To let me know
I only felt
A cold wind blow
(chorus)
While I tried to hang on
To the past
But you know
That nothin'
Oh no, nothin' lasts
Nothing's in your way
Now you can stand
Right up and run
Wouldn't even change things
If you took back
What you'd done
(chorus)
I realized the truth of my switch and that day I began to feel okay with it. Of course, my T asked me to read the text exchange between the STBX and myself to him, and that kind of got me upset again and I've been kind of down since. But now I'm beginning to think that there's just too much that has gone bad between us that even if she wanted to R, I don't think we could. Very sad.
I've been pretty busy lately, especially this week. Started back at the gym Monday (weightlifting three times a week), lodge Tuesday, had a meeting for the non-profit last night, T and gym tonight, church breakfast and gym tomorrow, lodge breakfast Saturday, work for the non-profit Saturday, take the cat to get her nails trimmed Saturday, visit with a friend who may be in town, get a job app in for a couple positions, plus I need to work on a website for a friend at church too.
I felt slighted at the lodge Tuesday and the new big cheese (who joined after i went dark some years ago) doesn't seem to appreciate one of the contributions I made to lodge and seems ready to minimize it and hand it off to one of his buddies, but I'm trying not to let that phase me. Trying to keep positive.
Looking forward to T today. I feel like I have so much to work on still. I'm still not happy with the way I look and I'm scared to death of not being able to restart my career at my age. I'm considering going for my Master's, but I'm not sure if it would be financially wise at my age.
Oh, my new year's resolutions...
Maintain the weight loss and try to rebuild some muscle.
Get a new job on my career path.
Be more positive.
Meditate daily and try to read a chapter of a book daily.
So, uh, that's where I'm at right now. I appreciate everyone who checks in on me, and I try to stay current with your sitches too, I just feel like I don't have much to offer you except moral support so I probably don't chime in as much as I should. Love you all and I wish you the best this year.
Lefty