I need help.
I was very upset and had a hard time talking to my W the other day, my body language was horrible and I couldn't control it. She wanted to know what was wrong/up. I was so mad about the text and her not disclosing I did something stupid. I said something happened that I could not talk about. Something that has put me at a crossroads. Information landed on my lap. My goal was to make her think that the OM W contacted me.
Ever since then she has been non stop wanting me to tell her what it was. I said I cant talk about it and I was sorry I said anything. I have said it is over and not about her.
She says I cant trust her to tell her, and wont stop and is mad as hell and hurt.
I said it isnt about her and not about trust, that I cant explain.
I have done something really stupid and deserve to sit in my sh1t.
If you want to scold me, I deserve it.
I am wanting help to figure a way out of this.
IDK if I can be honest with her. I fu@ked up bad.
I understand if no one wants to help, I dont deserve it.
I will leave after this.
you must like this drama. I mean, you have done the same cycle for 6 months.
I posted to you in January and you're in the same place.
You confess something you want to "own", then you show remorse and the desire to change
then you realize it means YOU must actually make the change,
and then you wallow in self loathing and defeatism so you can give up,
and talk as if you are on the ledge (which maybe you are, often, I don't know)...and then
you retreat only to come back with MORE confessions of screw ups and "woe is me" and
the pain is all around YOU even if you inflicted it onto others.
What an odd cycle to continue.
You seem to wallow, IN the wallowing...I don't get it. Really I don't.
in the LONG RUN, wouldn't changing your life actually be easier than this?
OR is this all you know?
I understand if no one wants to help, I dont deserve it.
I will leave after this.
just so you know, ^^ this is blatantly manipulative.
Does it work in your real life?
Oh well, goodbye if that's how you feel. Too bad, it started to just get interesting.
I quit and yes by saying and doing that I am just what you say. This is all I know and I can't just take this advice and change in 6mo. Sorry.
I quit and yes by saying and doing that I am just what you say. This is all I know and I can't just take this advice and change in 6mo. Sorry.
Who said you had to change in 6 months?
you must like this drama. I mean, you have done the same cycle for 6 months.
I posted to you in January and you're in the same place.
Seriously? You're blaming it on 25yearsmlc? She's right you know. It seems like you can't stop trying to control the situation and the members on here.
So the bottom line is that do you still want to save your M?
Blame? Just reading and interpenetrating what I read. guess I cant even do that.
Fine, I will leave and not insult anyone or control members.
I must really be more messed up than I thought.
Thanks for your honestly
Ledge, yeah you could say that.
JP, what is the information that landed on your lap?
Hmmm I see you're still trying to manipulate. You didn't answer my question.
Do you want to save your M or not?
If your answer is 'yes', then we don't need am long answer for you why. If the answer is 'no' (honest here), then you can just leave and good luck to you.
Thank you uRworty and mach1
Blame? Just reading and interpenetrating what I read. guess I cant even do that.
and
Fine, I will leave and not insult anyone or control members.
I must really be more messed up than I thought.
Thanks for your honestly
are very similar here. Do you see it?
It's called taking the victim stance and although in some ways you ARE a victim, having that mentality will get you nowhere. Not in your marriage or in life.
Dig deeper JP. Try to put your fear aside and see what people are really trying to say. They care or they wouldn't post.....
... let them care about you.
I've been in similar situations, JP. We all have. We let our emotions control our actions and this is what happens. You were literally trying to control the situation by "making up" a situation. It wasn't well played. It was very manuipluative, but it's not the end of the world.
Now, this is how you start to change. ACCEPT that what you did was wrong. ACCEPT what people are telling you is helpful. You don't have to do everything perfectly, you just have to grasp it. The change will happen only after you "get it". It's kind of like any addiction, you don't start to get better until you admit to YOURSELF that there is a problem. I struggle with doing the right thing, saying the right thing, even thinking the right thing. But, I know that I honestly do want the be better and do right. I want to improve myself. That's where it starts, and I suspect you are right there with me. You just need a slap in the face to get your mind in gear....All of these 2x4's are a big slap in the face, JP....feel it, accept it and move forward. It's not over yet. Work on yourself!
jp, I've read some of your threads but I often spend too much time here and I'm not sure -- are you getting any counselling at the moment? Have you seen a psych about perhaps getting on an SNRI?
Despite them having helped me I try not to recommend ADs and I know a lot of people on here are solidly against it, but I know the one I had really helped me with attachment and control problems and when I came off them I brought those new behaviours of acceptance over. For most people I'd avoid them but if you're having trouble with self-control after six months it may be something to consider. It seems that maybe the medical help could help you in demolishing these destructive thought patterns and building new ones that can last once you stop taking medication.