MODS PLEASE STICKY THIS !!
Hi everyone. I was given the I love you but I am not in love with you crap just 2 weeks ago, and the bomb that there is another man. We went from a loving couple to the brink of divorce with infidelity in the span of 3 weeks.
My wife was having a little anxiety and went to see a therapist for the FIRST TIME in her life on September 28th. She was put on Zoloft. On November 23rd she had a second appointment and the therapist doubled her dosage to 100mg. On November 29th, she says she has not loved me in four or five years and wants a divorce so she can run away with a guy she has been chatting to for just 10 days! We have been in a loving relationship for 14 years and have a 3 year old daughter!!
BE WARNED. If your spouse is on an anti depressant and they are walking out on you, you don't need to be DBing, you need to have an intervention and show them these sites:
straight from the annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association as reported in the New York Times.
"Now, after years of families being guinea pigs for these drugs, comes the scientific research to show how the drugs actually produce the destruction of relationships that have survived years of many other traumas. The article discusses how they have found a sudden loss in feelings for a mate when using these drugs in marriages over 40 years old - marriages that have survived years of many other traumas."
"The researchers also point to more extreme cases like people who say losing their sex drives caused romantic feelings toward longtime spouses to evaporate suddenly."
[*edit]
Here are hundreds of accounts of people who's relationships and marriages have been ruined by these nasty drugs!
[*edit]
Also
"“ 'People were making irreversible lifetime decisions, like divorcing their partners or leaving their longtime boyfriend or girlfriend,' Ilardi said. 'They never once considered it could be the medications that was doing it. That’s just not how we reason about it.' ”
"The other side effect can do much more than alter someone’s relationship status. Ilardi explained that SSRIs affect a person’s anterior cingulate, which is a part of the brain that controls a patient’s “give-a-damn” level. Individuals with severe anxiety disorders can benefit from a little reduced error detection, but for some, like Hardy, it can take an ugly turn."
[*edit]
PLEASE CHECK YOUR SPOUSE PRESCRIPTIONS FOR ZOLOFT, PAXIL, PROZAC ETC. FOR THE LEFT BEHIND SPOUSE THESE DRUGS ARE SAVING YOU FROM INSANITY BUT FOR THE WALK AWAY SPOUSE THIS IS THE POISON
Tomorrow my mother in law and I are going to have an intervention armed with this information. My wife better snap our of this or I'm going to sue the makers of ZOLOFT for ruining my marriage!
Hi NiceGuy,
Speaking as someone on Zoloft:
o 100 mg is a way high dosage. I take 20 mg.
o yes, SSRIs can make you happier by disconnecting you from your depression, but
o in my experience, the 'happiness' seem to fade after an initial euphoria and you are aware of the relationship problem again.
I think that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT may be better. Have a look at the Complete Idiot's guide to CBT.
Good luck,
Luke
I'm glad my wife and I never took any AD's or SSRI's. I see it recommended often, but I always wondered about the side effects of ANY drugs. Especially the ones that mess with your BRAIN.
Caffiene, now there's a good drug. <takes another sip of black coffee>.
My W is on Zoloft, I think 100 mg. A while back (after BD of course) I started looking into this and there seems to be quite a bit of data suggesting that some of these A/D's can not only cause people to fall out of love with their spouse, but just lose the ability to be "in love" completely. My W started on it about 10 years ago (to address deep post-partum depression) and her personality changed significantly after she started it. Before that we would have intense arguments and crazy monkey-love make-up sessions afterwards. Afterwards she just never, ever argued about anything. If an argument would escalate, she would shut down. I talked to her a few times over the years about going off Zoloft, but she wasn't willing. She just remembers that black hole she was in when she went on it and she's scared of going back to that again.
There seems to be some mystery regarding SSRI's- about how exactly they work and what the long term effects may be. I think in general doctors realize there are negative long-term impacts, but it's a case of the lesser of two evils- deep depression with possible suicidal tendencies or little/ no depression with possible long-term relationship damage.
While I know I contributed to the breakup of my marriage, I do believe that my W's taking Zoloft and for a very brief time, Prozac contributed to it as well.
The Prozac sparked a bipolar episode that nearly had her committed. Ever since, she has been a completely different person. That was 9 months before she left me.
I also know that I have contributed to the breakup of my marriage, but agree that maybe my H changing meds didnt help. He was switched from Celexa 40 mgs and klonopin (anti anxiety) .5 mgs to wellbutrin (400 mgs) and Celexa 20 mgs. This was a big change, as the anti anxiety was really helping him. In fact, the only reason he switched was because of Sexual side effects.
I do not believe that changing meds can be blamed for his complete 180, but I dont think it helped. These were changed just a couple months before his bar stints and him meeting OW. He definitely needs meds, as has been clinically depressed since he was 15..but switching was probably the wrong thing to do
I think anyone with emotional problems that would benefit from medication should be under the close supervision and follow up of a GOOD medical/mental health professional. Not just a prescription writer. These things do mess with your brain chemistry and they are not an exact science. You shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater, but you should have a relationship where you can tell your spouse your concerns about their personality changes and have them be open to your input. Mental and emotional health is so complicated.
Just to add one more story to the mix, I have been on paxil for about a year and a half after being VERY concerned about taking anything. Not taking anything contributed greatly to the breakdown in my marriage. Various things that I did that helped me cope in life were annoying to my husband and destructive to myself and my goals. It is no point of pride, anymore, that I held tough and didn't seek treatment.
I started at a very low dose, which my NP said anything lower would be like taking a sugar pill. I feel creepy for almost a month. Weird and disjointed. I got some help from people who have been-there done-that to understand what to expect and asked lots of questions. Once about a month had gone by, I was fortunate to have just the right effect.
I had emotions both good and bad. Sometimes my sitch made me angry and I'd have a crying spell. I just wasn't completely unhinged by shock and grief like I had been at first. I wasn't as short-tempered with my frustrating S12. My emotions weren't running my brain anymore, but they were still there. I had less of a sex drive but that was expected, and it's not completely gone.
I did unfortunately gain about 30 lb over the past year, which was alarming because I've been a lifetime weight watcher member all that time and felt like I wasn't doing much different. Learning that weight gain can be a side effect of LONG-term paxil use, I decided to try tapering off and see how I do, and I feel pretty good without anything right now.
I'll go back to my doctor if I feel like I need it or something else - I would personally have tried effexor as my second line because it worked well for my sister (paxil worked well for my other sister) and families can sometimes have similar chemistry.
For my paxil sister, she told me that her attempt to use Wellbutrin created irrational fits of rage in her, so she went off it and recommended against it for me. Plenty of people find it to be the best one for them. They are all different.
When I read the first post here, I thought first much sympathy for the poster but second, was there NOTHING wrong with their marriage? Absolutely nothing? Is there nothing for him to learn or work on?
Consider that if you try to sue, they will put their entire legal team to work showing you how wrong you were about your marriage in the first place, and what role you played in what happened, that had nothing to do with your w's medication.
DB and all the vets here usually tell you to look at yourself first. It's the most useful, most healthy, most productive line you can take. What happened with your W's medication is very sad but not in your control.
So can anyone report that they too may have fallen out of love with their long term spouse after being on SSRI's for some time?
SM34, I tried to PM you but it says it's disabled? My firt thought was they disabled it on just me, but either way.
I have been finding quite a bit of negative responses to this subject, UNLESS you're on a site that's about the drugs.
So hence, my battle has begun to get my friend (stbxw) off the drugs. She started 1/4 pills yesterday. (5mg, she was on 20mg)
As I stated before, my wife and I were having a great time, things were going good, she was planning our house out etc, what we were gonna do when the business took off, what vacations we were gonna go do etc. Then just 3 months after being on Celexa, she completely flipped.
Again, we're not talking about just "walking away from a marriage" we're talking about complete personality change. Drugs, drinking, partying with teens, neglecting a child, being erratic in behavior. NOW? I'm getting reports from a few of her new friends and some family that they've noticed a change in her, because of some drastic behavior she's done.
For now, I'm staying off these boards so much. Ohh btw, for the record, I have found 4 PEOPLE! 3 are women, that have taken an SSRI and inside of a year they walked from their marriages, and? They're not regretting everything they've done, and said they have no idea why they did the sh.t they've done. Only one says she didn't have an affair, but she admitted to getting very close to one man and being VERY flirty.
Neither here nor there.
I just noticed this is dated from Dec. So it appears you were already onto it when you read my posts. Good. SM34, your battle begins with the meds, as long as a person turned manic on the meds, there's no reasoning. They HAVE to be off the meds before you can proceed with any other actions/concern.
On the side note, yes. I myself am still reflecting and "working on me". I have pretty much killed out the anger issue which was my major problem. After that was showing affection/speaking wife's love language, then listening. Which I've gotten much better at listening. So yes, although my wife is on a med that I believe is contributing heavily to her behavior, I am STILL recognizing where I've gone wrong in marriage, but right now it's about getting her healthy. And she was NOT diagnosed with depression or anything, this was given to her for slight chest pains. (minor, like heavy skipping beats, but they didn't even check her out, just gave her medicine)
"They're NOW regretting everything they've done..."
Sorry, I wanted to fix a sentence I wrote. Where I said the ladies that were on the medicine and walked from marriages.. I said "NOT" instead of "NOW" , they are NOW regretting everything they did. When I stumbled across this board again I reread my post and it was as if I wrote it yesterday and remembered now, I mixed up two sentences lol. I do that a lot.
My now ex wife (final on Feb 5) is saying she is "Definitely off the medicine and will STAY off the medicine regardless whether I believe it or not.." (She is kinda irritable right now and was kind of an angry filled msg lol) SHe says she "Does" want to get better and has also ADMITTED that her behavior during our Haunt Season was completely irrational and out of wack, but not sure why she did it (this was DURING a talk about the medicine, but she still is clueless to put 2+2 together)
She is less and less COLD to me, but not 'there' yet of course. It will take a while. SHe's been off the medicine completely for just over 3 weeks. Which is a short time (was on them 7.5 months) She's no longer out running around NEAR as much, stopped drinking and doing drugs. Now she just hangs with her new teenage friends, works and goes home. Which is an improvement and did NOT start until she started tapering.
So in our sitch, yes, tapering and getting off the medicine is showing much improvement. Not a ton, and she's not regretting things yet, but knows she's "Should be" regretting. No remorse yet, but feel it may arrive soon.
Anyways, thought I'd give n update since I wanted to correct my sentence. Edite didn't seem to work.
For anyone on SSRI, I can highly recommend having a look at "Idiot's guide to cognitive behavioral therapy".
I was on 20 mg Citalopram, now no longer, and feel a lot better for it. It's your head, and I think it is best to keep it as clear and undrugged as possible.
Luke
Firstly - I am not a doctor, so take my comments with a grain of salt if you wish. I have been thru the SSRI bout with a number of drugs:
Celexa for a short period in 2002;
Welbutrin from 2006 - 2009;
Effexor for a very short period in 2009;
Pristiq from 2009 - 2011
Cymbalta from July 2011 - January 2012;
Been clean since February 2012.
Like I said, I'm not a doctor, but, I've done massive amounts of research on these drugs.
What most people don't realize is these drugs are NOT supposed to be used for extremely long periods of time. There are exceptions to this, but, for people with no history of mental illness in their family and who otherwise have normal chemical screens, these drugs are supposed to be prescribed to help a patient get over/thru a depressive period WITH counseling/therapy. Then they should be weaned off of the drug slowly, due to it's half life (ex: Lexapro has a half life of 27-32 hours), to minimize side effects.
An important thing to note here to to not split time release tablets when weaning yourself off of a SSRI!!
Here's a good explanation of how to wean from an SSRI: [edited by dbmod link removed]
I did not follow this when I weaned myself off of Cymbalta - and I wish I had. Hardest three months of my life - Think I had more personalities from January to April 2012 than Sybil...
My W was on 10mg of Lexapro for over two years. Then her doc got the bright idea to double her dosage to 20mg (December of 2011). Within two weeks her attitude on everything was off the charts. Drinking, flirting, ignoring our children and her anger and hatred for me - all magnified beyond belief. She decided it was time to live for herself and herself alone.
She realized several months later that she was actually not feeling ANY emotion at all except anger - she simply doesn't care about anything. She knows she should get off of Lexpro - we have discussed it several times, but, I think she's afraid.
I can only speak for myself, but, I had to come to the conclusion that I needed to get off of these drugs on my own. No one else could have told me, or shown me data to convince me, and I'm seeing that with my W as well. She knows she should get off of the drug - she admits to not feeling any emotion accept anger, and she questions whether she actually feels it or not. However, for whatever reason, she is not ready.
My W was on 10mg of Lexapro for over two years. Then her doc got the bright idea to double her dosage to 20mg (December of 2011). Within two weeks her attitude on everything was off the charts. Drinking, flirting, ignoring our children and her anger and hatred for me - all magnified beyond belief. She decided it was time to live for herself and herself alone.
Woah! That's a pretty severe response. The complicated thing about SSRI's is that they effect each person differently. I don't think you'll ever find 2 people that get the exact same reaction to taking them. They help some people immensely while making others engage in out-of-character and even wreckless behavior. I just think they're being prescribed far too often, they're looked at as a first line of defense rather than a last resort. And there is ZERO followup by physicians to see how they're impacting people's lives. There should be mandatory followups (WITH the spouse) to discuss what kind of lifestyle changes the patient is making so the doctor can determine if it's causing more harm in their life than good.
I can only speak for myself, but, I had to come to the conclusion that I needed to get off of these drugs on my own.
A/D's really helped me through the worst part of my sitch, maybe even saved my life. But my goal all along was to get off of them as soon as I could. I hate taking any kind of medication, but especially long-term med's. I started tapering off months ago (gradually reduced the dosage every 3 to 4 weeks) and finally quit taking them completely last week. So far the only symptoms I'm getting are headaches. Thankfully I haven't had any emotional issues during weaning.
A coworker decided to stop A/D's cold turkey after having taken them for years. He spun into the worst depression of his life. He tried to get back on the same ones only to discover they had become ineffective. He ended up on the verge of suicide and was admitted to a mental hospital for 2 months. He's never been the same since, and it's been a couple of years. He's now on several medications and battling side effects (including significant weight gain). So, anyone who is reading this, be VERY careful about weaning off of them on your own. Most resources recommend reducing the dose by 10% every 4 weeks or so to minimize "SSRI discontinuation syndrome", but definitely discuss it with your PCP before starting to wean.
Once my wife started taking anti depression meds 3 years ago, that was when I noticed a change in her behavior. She became apathetic and lost her zest for life it seemed.
In August she told me her feeling were numb towards me and that it was a side effect of the meds she was on and she was lowering the dosage. 3 months later she told me she wanted a separation and in a year a divorce. I talked to our doctor about it and the was nothing she could do unless she came in herself.
Not totally blaming the meds for our issues but it seems to be a hindrance for her not to give our marriage another try.
The problem with meds is that they give you no understanding of what causes your problem and how to fix it. They are a crutch and not a real solution.
Top this off with (in my case) my doctor requiring me to come back every month for a prescription, which costs 70$ per appointment, and meds are a lousy deal.
CBT though, gives you understanding and tools to fix your situation, and I can highly recommend it.
Luke
SM34 - not up to date on your situation but this thread was interesting to me.
Any specific books or links that you found helpful in researching SSRIs and their impacts. W has been taking fluoxetine for a few years (small dosage - 20 mG). I am pretty sure that it is a "generic" for Prozac.
Not looking at the AD as the only M problem but would like to have a little more info on the topic. Thanks.
Woah! That's a pretty severe response.
Like everyone else, I wouldn't say they were the cause of my M problems at all. I do believe they contributed. For a while she lost all objectivity.
From December 2011 thru May 2012 my W was a completely different person. Her mother and sister both said if they didn't know her from her physical appearance, they would have no idea who she was.
Something happened in May that caused a crash of sorts. Not sure what it was since she doesn't want to discuss what all happened. That was when she realized the Lexapro might have been having a negative impact. She's brought it up several times since, but, thus far has not acted on weaning herself off. I recommended she talk to her doctor first before she does, though...
We are not here because of one single root cause. More likely there is a symphony of contributive causes. Work upon what is in your control, you and your responses.
Use caution if you decide to broach this subject. I did not and broaching this subject in the manner I did placed another nail in the coffin our R was eventually buried in.
I am on moderation now and I believe it is due to this thread and the links I posted. I apologize to the mods for tbose links.
All I can suggest for people who missed the links I posted before they were removed is google the followoling phrases and read the results
Ssri falling out of love
Ssri divorce pill
There is a great website that you should lookout for inthe results. It is topix dot com but going there and searching is futile. You have to find it in the results from the above searches to be able to locate the relevant page.
If you read my latest posts on my sitch you will see there is pkstivie progress. I found out that me and mother in law suggesting it was the meds has caused my wife to statt weaning off her zoloft against her therapists advice. She now takes a tablet every two or three days and I can see the old wife slowly returning.
Is it a coincidence that she cares more about how I feel now, and seems to care more about or daughter and seems to be getting her conscience back? I would argue its not.
SM-
I read your post and notified Virginia, recommending that you be released from moderation. I apologize our process doesn't allow for more clarity.
Oh wow! My h had been taking Zoloft and then decided to double his dosage on his own idea. And then started drinking more.
Not too li g after he left me and the kids.
He was so detached it was spooky.
Ugh. I just joined this forum after getting the Divorce Busting book. My wife has been on Buproprion/Wellbutrin since November and in march or so started cutting off our relationship - no holding hands, sleeping right on the far edge of the bed, etc etc. 3 months ago she said we needed to work on things, and proceeded to tell me how to change as a person to be more compatible with her. I busted my ass doing everything I could. Nothing was good enough. I went out and got a marriage-helping kit (the book was in this) and paid for some very expensive, non-refundable counseling. The day before we were to begin on our marriage improvement, she said no dice. It wasn't worth it. That was a week ago.
I have long suspected that the pills were at least partly to blame; Lauren isn't good at talking about problems but I know her very well and can tell when she has a problem. We had, for the most part, an amazing relationship.
Now she wants to sell the house and divorce. Of course the day after she made the decision we spent an evening out on the patio hanging out. It was a great time and she cried for having so much fun. Clearly she is confused, and I am at my wit's end. I want to save this, but she won't listen to me. I need to get other people involved, to tell her that maybe the drugs are messing with her because if I tell her she views it as an attack instead of opinion, idea, or advice.
Ugh. I just joined this forum after getting the Divorce Busting book. My wife has been on Buproprion/Wellbutrin since November and in march or so started cutting off our relationship - no holding hands, sleeping right on the far edge of the bed, etc etc. 3 months ago she said we needed to work on things, and proceeded to tell me how to change as a person to be more compatible with her. I busted my ass doing everything I could. Nothing was good enough. I went out and got a marriage-helping kit (the book was in this) and paid for some very expensive, non-refundable counseling. The day before we were to begin on our marriage improvement, she said no dice. It wasn't worth it. That was a week ago.
I have long suspected that the pills were at least partly to blame; Lauren isn't good at talking about problems but I know her very well and can tell when she has a problem. We had, for the most part, an amazing relationship.
Now she wants to sell the house and divorce. Of course the day after she made the decision we spent an evening out on the patio hanging out. It was a great time and she cried for having so much fun. Clearly she is confused, and I am at my wit's end. I want to save this, but she won't listen to me. I need to get other people involved, to tell her that maybe the drugs are messing with her because if I tell her she views it as an attack instead of opinion, idea, or advice.
Precord
Welcome to the forum.
Can I ask you to please start your own thread so we can give you as much help as possible.
Sorry you are here but it is a great place to be.
OMG! My wife went from loving, caring, balanced to very cold uncaring and downright mean when confronted. We started to have problems in August 2014 and BD by her at the end of May 2015. Shortly after BD I found a prescription in her name for Lorazapram from earlier in 2014. I googled it and found it was for anxiety and sleep problems. I thought it was strange but remembered that she did mention some trouble sleeping. She continued acting irrational and cold. Two weeks later I found another prescription for Torazodone from July 2015 in her name. I googled that one and found that it was for more severe depression and anxiety! What is going on? She never told me she was depressed or had anxiety and never told me she was taking these meds! Does anyone think that these meds are partly/largely to blame for her severe personality change and going from loving to hating in a year? What can I do? If she goes off these, how long until she is back to normal?
Duke, Lorazapram is not an SSRI. Not sure about Torazadone, I think that is an antidepressant so it might be an SSRI.
My H started lexapro in December, and by Feb he went from being depressed to raging at me, drinking heavily, having an affair, basically 180 personality change. I always wondered if the lexapro triggered it. He was depressed to start with though, and if I bring it up he says the lex helps and the problems that caused the depression are the issues and the lexapro is helping. I am not convinced but I can't control the meds that he takes.
This is an old post, I wonder if there is any new info on this?
I think I am in the same boat. The few people I have told said either I should talk with her about it or they will. I think this will just make her very mad. Maybe talk with a psychiatrist or someone who understands this issue very well? If you google this issue there are tons of examples.
I joined this forum just so I could reply to this particular topic. YES, these meds can cause the end of relationships....and a whole host of other problems. My husband was put on an SSRI med for anxiety. He had LOTS of childhood issues he kept suppressing which caused anxiety his whole life. If a med is powerful enough to cause him to not feel any of the bad, it can also stop a person from feeling any of the good! Think of antibiotics--how it destroys even the good bacteria in your gut because it can't differentiate between good and bad.
We'd been married 20 yrs at the time when he went on the med. I wasn't told to watch for any changes in him. We were just glad to see his anxiety under control. Then came the alcoholism (it gave him intense cravings he couldn't ignore) and the inability to feel the buzz (so he stopped knowing when he'd had too much to drink), p0rn addiction, disinhibition, poor judgement, and on-and-on. When he started behaving inappropriately, I was about done with him. I blamed it all on the alcohol (but sometimes he wasn't drunk when he did things), but then something happened that made me wonder about his Rx med. I did some research and was totally shocked and horrified at the things I was finding. Somehow, he was receptive to weaning off the med (it's been 2.5 years, and we're still weaning him off--I'd read horror stories of withdrawals gone wrong, etc., so we decided low and slow to try and keep him functional and off any meds). At half off he said he could feel a blanket lift from his mind; a little bit more and he apologized for all the crap that had hurt me, saying that it "wasn't him, not who I am". He said that he could see NOW that what he'd done was wrong but he couldn't at the time and would've argued that it wasn't the meds (while still on them). These meds hijack proper thinking in some people. And when you're on them, you can't see the change happening to yourself.
He didn't leave, but he couldn't have cared less if I had packed up and walked out during that time. And, it felt like to me that he was trying to chase me off by his actions and uncontrolled drinking.
Anyway, I just wanted to share this in case it can help someone else. Some people don't realize what's happening to their medicated partners' minds and don't know that maybe they should be looking in that direction (of the med being culpable in dissolving marriages). I started researching for the connection between SSRIs and alcohol (which I found) and then I learned about the rest of it (and the need for slow w/d).
I joined this forum just so I could reply to this particular topic. YES, these meds can cause the end of relationships....and a whole host of other problems. My husband was put on an SSRI med for anxiety. He had LOTS of childhood issues he kept suppressing which caused anxiety his whole life. If a med is powerful enough to cause him to not feel any of the bad, it can also stop a person from feeling any of the good! Think of antibiotics--how it destroys even the good bacteria in your gut because it can't differentiate between good and bad.
We'd been married 20 yrs at the time when he went on the med. I wasn't told to watch for any changes in him. We were just glad to see his anxiety under control. Then came the alcoholism (it gave him intense cravings he couldn't ignore) and the inability to feel the buzz (so he stopped knowing when he'd had too much to drink), p0rn addiction, disinhibition, poor judgement, and on-and-on. When he started behaving inappropriately, I was about done with him. I blamed it all on the alcohol (but sometimes he wasn't drunk when he did things), but then something happened that made me wonder about his Rx med. I did some research and was totally shocked and horrified at the things I was finding. Somehow, he was receptive to weaning off the med (it's been 2.5 years, and we're still weaning him off--I'd read horror stories of withdrawals gone wrong, etc., so we decided low and slow to try and keep him functional and off any meds). At half off he said he could feel a blanket lift from his mind; a little bit more and he apologized for all the crap that had hurt me, saying that it "wasn't him, not who I am". He said that he could see NOW that what he'd done was wrong but he couldn't at the time and would've argued that it wasn't the meds (while still on them). These meds hijack proper thinking in some people. And when you're on them, you can't see the change happening to yourself.
He didn't leave, but he couldn't have cared less if I had packed up and walked out during that time. And, it felt like to me that he was trying to chase me off by his actions and uncontrolled drinking.
Anyway, I just wanted to share this in case it can help someone else. Some people don't realize what's happening to their medicated partners' minds and don't know that maybe they should be looking in that direction (of the med being culpable in dissolving marriages). I started researching for the connection between SSRIs and alcohol (which I found) and then I learned about the rest of it (and the need for slow w/d).
Unfortunately their are no easy buttons, pills or easy fixes, when it comes to these issues.
The person can use these things to look inside themselves and FIX their own issues but a pill by iteself only hides the problem, and likely prolongs the issues.
OH MY! I found this thread and this is my situation to a tee!
Caught my wife of 19 years in an online, emotional affair. When I confronted her she immediately told me she didn't want to be married anymore.
Found out she had dating profiles on 2 different datings sites, had sent this younger man 3 sets of nude pictures, and other destructive and completely out of character behavior.
Last night talking to her about recently sending messages to younger men on a dating site, she said exasperatedly "I don't know what I am doing!"
A lightbulb went on in my head. She's been on Zoloft for 10 years and Wellbutrin for 5. Couple that with a midlife crisis (she turns 50 next month) and bam. I googled antidepressants and infidelity and the hits were off the chart, including this thread.
I talked to her about all of this and she is open to discussing weaning herself off of the meds with her doctor to see if that makes a difference. Why isn't this more commonly known!? How many lives have been ruined due to these drugs??
I talked to her about all of this and she is open to discussing weaning herself off of the meds with her doctor to see if that makes a difference. Why isn't this more commonly known!? How many lives have been ruined due to these drugs??
I suggest you start your own thread to discuss this about your situation.
When you do that I will post my welcome post which I suggest your read.
So you think if she goes off anti depressants your marriage will be saved?
I think not, I think she will become more depressed.
SM34: YES! This happened to me and my spouse too! He went on Wellbutrin for stress at work, mild depression and within months, turned into another person. Suddenly wanted a divorce, had an online emotional affair with one woman and then started dating a coworker. He moved out and is now having a full blown affair. Last we spoke he said he'd gotten off the medication but I don't even know whether I should believe him.
Problem is, he was already in the thick of it with this other woman. Too far along to turn back even if he had gotten off the drugs. Hard to compete with the intense sexual feelings of a new attraction.
The symptoms of emotional blunting from antidepressants overlap with classic midlife crisis symptoms, but I really think the drugs put him in a frame of mind of suddenly completely losing all attachment to me, becoming cold/cruel, and thinking it was OK to have affairs.
Tomorrow I'm going on antidepressants myself. I'm not a fan but I'm in such a dark place, I need to. Kind of hoping I'll lose all my feelings for him. Would be easier...
DG100 I came here thinking antidepressants were the problem in my sitch too. I'm not sure it's always that simple. Contributing factor? Maybe.
Oh wow. I’m glad I found this thread today.
My w has been on Zoloft for at least a year, during which time she started to drink way more alcohol and eventually she put herself into a psychiatric hospital in June this year and filed for divorce in July. It seems to explain her total change in personality- from a loving kind woman to someone who absolutely hates me and won’t even talk to me. She moved out two weeks ago and the divorce is going ahead, I’m DB-ing and GAL but it does seem futile in an athenot to get her back, of course the changes will help me get to a better place for myself.
Sadly there’s no chance I could dare to broach the subject with W, but this thread has given me some possible answers to explain the drastic change in personality of my W
In many ways we are still in the dark ages when it comes to mental illness understanding and treatment. Hopefully with time we'll have a better understanding of the impact of SSRI's and other medications, but right now there simply isn't enough data.
Please understand that the answer to your situation is not to simply get your spouse to quit taking SSRI's. More often than not their body chemistry has adjusted to the SSRI's and to suddenly quit taking them after years can result in catastrophic consequences. A friend of mine became convinced the SSRI's he was on were responsible for his weight gain and other health issues so he quit taking them. He immediately spiraled into deep depression and became suicidal. He started taking them again but his body DID NOT RESPOND to them the 2nd time!! He ended up in a mental hospital for 6 months undergoing radical treatment including electroshock therapy. It took another year to find the right combination of drugs to get him back to a semblance of normality.
In short, SSRI's may very well be responsible for many of our situations. But getting our spouse off of them will not magically fix things either.
In short, SSRI's may very well be responsible for many of our situations. But getting our spouse off of them will not magically fix things either.
I agree with this statement. While I don't blame the medication itself for contributing to our S, it is responsible for pushing my passive-agressiveness to the extreme. It helped me a lot dealing with my depression and anxiety, but it also may ultimately lead to my divorce.
That being said, I'm on different medications now, in therapy to address my issues, and getting myself healthier for the DB journey I'm on. The meds help. But it's not something that makes everything instantly better.
hey i know this thread is like 7 years old, but i thought i should reply because i to went through this with my now ex girlfriend of 8 years, my ex for the longest time had extreme symptoms of bipolar disorder, where she would be happy one minute or extremely angry and frustrated the next. i tried talking to her about this and why she was like this, she would just get angry and it would turn into arguments. so one day she finally told me that she thinks its her anxiety and that she gets bad anxiety. this is about a year after our baby was born.
so she went on these antidepressants . im not sure what they are called , but when you start taking them the first week you do 1 a day , then second week you do 2 a day, then third three a day and forth 4 a day and then continue at 4 a day.
my ex started becoming drousy at night when she started taking them. i noticed her majorly disconnecting from our relationship, and pretty much everything. she started taking off going out drinking and partying almost daily. wouldnt come home till late at night or the next day, and when i approached her on this i was met with annoyance, anger and frustration.
then she broke up with me about 3 weeks after going on these pills, i found out there was another guy that she just met about 2 weeks earlier . i found out from her call logs. but she just got angry and told me its non of my business.
she then continued to tell me that she hasnt loved me for 2 years and that she didnt think she ever loved me during our whole relationship. i tried to convince her it was the medication but she denied and denied everything, i showed her our thousands of family photos that we had taken, she said that they were all fake and she never was happy, and that photos dont mean anything, at this point she was so addicted to instagram that she was on there from sun up to sun down. i even remember her after she broke up with me telling me that she wants what they instagramers want, they all have picture perfect familes and photos and all there men bought the women houses and it was just a bunch of crap.
i think the antidepressants disabled part of her brain that deciphers fantasy from reality, but honestly, its like she went from a loving caring gf, who had some issues , but nothing to end a relationship over, to like this enemy who wont put down there guard and is rude and verbally abusive and just hateful.
these drugs seem so dangorus. i just dont know , it doesnt seem like theres nothing i can do to save her either but let her go and hopefully one day she at least gives me an appology