Update - Final Thread - 03/15/12 03:50 AM
Starsky asked me about an update and it's something that I've been wanting to do for quite a while. I've always wanted my journal here on this board to be something that I could go back to someday to remind myself of everything that I went through, and am still.
Here are a list of my previous threads. I have been reading through them the past few nights to remind myself, to see how far I have come with my efforts to reconcile my M, and to see how far I have come as a person.
I will update in my next post, but in sum, things are very positive between my W and I right now. She is truly trying to get herself to a place where she can commit to reconciling our M. She suggested a marital retreat in Colorado Springs and we did go weekend before last. She has expressed her desire to reconnect with her religious roots. She is talking of moving home when her current lease expires in July. OM is still lurking, but W is at a point where she is very willing to talk to me about what the status of that is. She has stated that she knows that he is trying to manipulate her into changing her mind on her "decision". She tells me that she ignores his calls and texts, and that he knows that she is trying to avoid him. All that said, there is still a lot of emotional turmoil for her surrounding this.
For anyone interested, here is the hell that I have been through over the past 15 1/2 months. This is more for me to be able to go back someday and remember. But there are tons of posts from vets, BITS, and others, that I know can help others here on this board.
1. Hopeful but Distressed. Denver's initial, desperate, post here on this board.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...229#Post2114229
2. Need Advice and Support to keep Hope. Lots of whining by Denver as he was going through the initial stages of S with W, learning what DB was, and learning what he needed to do.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2115704&page=1
3. On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down? More of the same. Some seeds of progress.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2118989&page=1
4. I WILL Attain my Goals - Personal and M. Denver learning about unconditional love and setting goals for himself. First time Denver hears that he might have a chance to R M.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2122176&page=1
5. Be the Lighthouse. Denver and W begin to have contact again. He even watches the Superbowl with her!
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2126855&page=1
6. The Moment of Clarity. Denver finds out that W has dated during S and/or had a PA. Denver is crushed. Denver's Confession.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2128214&page=1
7. The unexamined life is not worth living. Denver dusts himself off, learns more about unconditional love, learns that this process takes tremendous time and patience. He moves forward.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2129589&page=1
8. Keep... Moving... Forward. That's what Denver does. Some initial healing between Denver and Denver's W.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2131501
9. New Thread. Denver believes that his nightmare is over, that reconciliation is imminent.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2133010&page=1
10. Buffalo. Things continue to progress for Denver and W... Seemingly. Denver's trip to Buffalo with W.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...106#Post2137106
11. Lookin' Back. Things are good... then, danger lurks.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...077#Post2142077
12. The Roller Coaster Keeps Rolling. Denver begins to see the danger. In denial.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...165#Post2146165
13. 90 Days. W treating Denver terribly. Denver is grasping to hold on. Denver sets a timeline that he does not realize has no meaning.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...553#Post2151553
14. 85 Days. More of the same. Denver does a lot of reflection on why he is where he is. Still holding on.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...923#Post2152923
15. 75 Days. More of the same. Deep down, Denver knows that a fall is about to come. He continues to try and hold onto something that he has no control over.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...931#Post2154931
16. It's Over. The confrontation with OM (toilet incident). The big fall. Denver is humbled. Denver decides to end it... he thinks.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...757#Post2157757
17. It's Over 2. Denver's W panics. Calls Denver 35 times in one night. Big talk between Denver and W. Initial boundaries set.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...350#Post2158350
18. OK... 81 days. 6 months in and Denver is still in this. W decides to take time for herself. Denver's W continues to contact him.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...786#Post2159786
19. 74 Days - Who Knows? More of the same. Denver's W takes a trip by herself. No contact.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...688#Post2161688
20. 65 Days... More of the same. Arguing amongst posters on Denver's thread as to what he should do. Denver still hopeful, but things are not right.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...825#Post2163825
21. Will This Ever End? Denver's W tells him that she misses OM. But Denver has trip to Disney with W. About trip to Disney. W calls Denver 'sweetie' and 'honey'... good. Denver finds emails between W and OM... bad. Denver begins to realize that he has no control over any of it.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...339#Post2167339
22. Just Be. Denver hits point of exhaustion. W tells Denver that she is not ready for R. Denver contemplates dating OW. Denver contemplates being done. Begins no contact, again, with W.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...787#Post2172787
23. Just Be 2. Denver hangs out with OW. Is 2x4'd repeatedly. W begins to initiate contact, again.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...928#Post2176928
24. WTF? W angry about OW. W continues to increase contact with Denver. Denver sends W email telling her that he does not want contact until OM is gone for good.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...045#Post2179045
25. WTF?!?!? Artpay Otway. Denver has very little contact with W. W goes through anger phase. Then begins to initiate contact. On Sept 1, 11, W texts Denver that she is thinking of him. Last update.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...614#Post2180614
Update to come next...
Denver
Here are a list of my previous threads. I have been reading through them the past few nights to remind myself, to see how far I have come with my efforts to reconcile my M, and to see how far I have come as a person.
I will update in my next post, but in sum, things are very positive between my W and I right now. She is truly trying to get herself to a place where she can commit to reconciling our M. She suggested a marital retreat in Colorado Springs and we did go weekend before last. She has expressed her desire to reconnect with her religious roots. She is talking of moving home when her current lease expires in July. OM is still lurking, but W is at a point where she is very willing to talk to me about what the status of that is. She has stated that she knows that he is trying to manipulate her into changing her mind on her "decision". She tells me that she ignores his calls and texts, and that he knows that she is trying to avoid him. All that said, there is still a lot of emotional turmoil for her surrounding this.
For anyone interested, here is the hell that I have been through over the past 15 1/2 months. This is more for me to be able to go back someday and remember. But there are tons of posts from vets, BITS, and others, that I know can help others here on this board.
1. Hopeful but Distressed. Denver's initial, desperate, post here on this board.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...229#Post2114229
2. Need Advice and Support to keep Hope. Lots of whining by Denver as he was going through the initial stages of S with W, learning what DB was, and learning what he needed to do.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2115704&page=1
3. On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down? More of the same. Some seeds of progress.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2118989&page=1
4. I WILL Attain my Goals - Personal and M. Denver learning about unconditional love and setting goals for himself. First time Denver hears that he might have a chance to R M.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2122176&page=1
5. Be the Lighthouse. Denver and W begin to have contact again. He even watches the Superbowl with her!
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2126855&page=1
6. The Moment of Clarity. Denver finds out that W has dated during S and/or had a PA. Denver is crushed. Denver's Confession.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2128214&page=1
7. The unexamined life is not worth living. Denver dusts himself off, learns more about unconditional love, learns that this process takes tremendous time and patience. He moves forward.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2129589&page=1
8. Keep... Moving... Forward. That's what Denver does. Some initial healing between Denver and Denver's W.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2131501
9. New Thread. Denver believes that his nightmare is over, that reconciliation is imminent.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2133010&page=1
10. Buffalo. Things continue to progress for Denver and W... Seemingly. Denver's trip to Buffalo with W.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...106#Post2137106
11. Lookin' Back. Things are good... then, danger lurks.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...077#Post2142077
12. The Roller Coaster Keeps Rolling. Denver begins to see the danger. In denial.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...165#Post2146165
13. 90 Days. W treating Denver terribly. Denver is grasping to hold on. Denver sets a timeline that he does not realize has no meaning.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...553#Post2151553
14. 85 Days. More of the same. Denver does a lot of reflection on why he is where he is. Still holding on.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...923#Post2152923
15. 75 Days. More of the same. Deep down, Denver knows that a fall is about to come. He continues to try and hold onto something that he has no control over.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...931#Post2154931
16. It's Over. The confrontation with OM (toilet incident). The big fall. Denver is humbled. Denver decides to end it... he thinks.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...757#Post2157757
17. It's Over 2. Denver's W panics. Calls Denver 35 times in one night. Big talk between Denver and W. Initial boundaries set.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...350#Post2158350
18. OK... 81 days. 6 months in and Denver is still in this. W decides to take time for herself. Denver's W continues to contact him.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...786#Post2159786
19. 74 Days - Who Knows? More of the same. Denver's W takes a trip by herself. No contact.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...688#Post2161688
20. 65 Days... More of the same. Arguing amongst posters on Denver's thread as to what he should do. Denver still hopeful, but things are not right.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...825#Post2163825
21. Will This Ever End? Denver's W tells him that she misses OM. But Denver has trip to Disney with W. About trip to Disney. W calls Denver 'sweetie' and 'honey'... good. Denver finds emails between W and OM... bad. Denver begins to realize that he has no control over any of it.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...339#Post2167339
22. Just Be. Denver hits point of exhaustion. W tells Denver that she is not ready for R. Denver contemplates dating OW. Denver contemplates being done. Begins no contact, again, with W.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...787#Post2172787
23. Just Be 2. Denver hangs out with OW. Is 2x4'd repeatedly. W begins to initiate contact, again.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...928#Post2176928
24. WTF? W angry about OW. W continues to increase contact with Denver. Denver sends W email telling her that he does not want contact until OM is gone for good.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...045#Post2179045
25. WTF?!?!? Artpay Otway. Denver has very little contact with W. W goes through anger phase. Then begins to initiate contact. On Sept 1, 11, W texts Denver that she is thinking of him. Last update.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...614#Post2180614
Update to come next...
Denver