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Posted By: dixiegal Need Advice!! Not sure on next move? Part 2 - 01/31/11 06:50 PM
Good Afternoon Yall,

So, I had to start a new thread...

This weekend was pretty good for me...who knew?! I didnt even cry. Okay, I teared up once but, that's still very good! I had a wonderful Saturday afternoon/evening w/a girlfriend! I laughed even!! Sunday I went to a Bible Study for Marraiges in trouble. It was really hard (hence the tear up) cause I was the only one w/out a spouse present. But, I felt like I learned a few things...

I have not heard from H in any form since he picked up the Dog last Thursday. So, that's been real hard. I struggle w/the feeling of end of us. As he has never gone dark like this EVER. But, I refrain from contacting him in anyway and hanging tough with the LRT/Going Dark too.

But, it does feel that he just pushed a "Delete Button". Anyways, I have a C appt. this Thursday w/ a new guy. Cause, I felt the other guy was a little odd. Plus, this MC comes highly recommended and his goal is to save Marraiges!

Yall pray for me this week...I'm starting to feel numb about everthing..I'm staying focused on GOD and my own walk. But, its so hard (as yall know). I want my M so much, I know w/what Ive learned, GOD and everything we have gone through that we can have a new Marraige.

Praying for yall everyday!!

Hugs, Dixie
Hey dixie i know the feeling of lost all too well. Even with the exchange my W and I have had I still feel empty. While at work I forget about my W being gone but when I drive home I realize she won't be there but then I think about coming home to u guys and I actually feel better. I have zero doubt that after spending so many yrs together he can hit the delete button that easy. I refuse to believe that he doesn't think about you. I pray for you guys all the time but if you keep doing what you are doing when he comes back you will be the new and improved Dixie stay the course.
Praying for you every day, Dixie!!!!! I'm glad you made it through the weekend ok. Hats off to you for going to the Bible Study for Marriages alone!!!! WTG!!
Originally Posted By: dixiegal
Good Afternoon Yall,

So, I had to start a new thread...

This weekend was pretty good for me...who knew?! I didnt even cry. Okay, I teared up once but, that's still very good! I had a wonderful Saturday afternoon/evening w/a girlfriend! I laughed even!! Sunday I went to a Bible Study for Marraiges in trouble. It was really hard (hence the tear up) cause I was the only one w/out a spouse present. But, I felt like I learned a few things...

I have not heard from H in any form since he picked up the Dog last Thursday. So, that's been real hard. I struggle w/the feeling of end of us. As he has never gone dark like this EVER. But, I refrain from contacting him in anyway and hanging tough with the LRT/Going Dark too.

But, it does feel that he just pushed a "Delete Button". Anyways, I have a C appt. this Thursday w/ a new guy. Cause, I felt the other guy was a little odd. Plus, this MC comes highly recommended and his goal is to save Marraiges!

Yall pray for me this week...I'm starting to feel numb about everthing..I'm staying focused on GOD and my own walk. But, its so hard (as yall know). I want my M so much, I know w/what Ive learned, GOD and everything we have gone through that we can have a new Marraige.

Praying for yall everyday!!

Hugs, Dixie


DG - You even type with a Southern drawl; LOVE it!

VERY proud of you for going to your Bible Study alone. I'm, sure it was hard, but you did it. I hope that even if some of us have to go thru the sufferings of a D, that can still have a new M with our X's. After all, a D is only a piece of paper and one can marry their X again.

Stay the course DG and keep us in your prayers - we will do the same for you.
Thanks Hope, Gypsy & 2Step! Yall are the best! Thanks 4 keeping me going with your words of HOPE! 2Step your right on that...It helps to come home and jump on here to folks that understand & support you!

Yall are awesome & I'm blessed 2 have yall!!!
Posted By: Bolt Re: Need Advice!! Not sure on next move? Part 2 - 02/01/11 02:29 AM
we are all here for you DG! Stay the course!
UPDATE:

So, I woke up to the sleet hitting the windows @ 4am. But, I wouldve woke up anyways cause, I cant sleep well these days.

Anyways, jumped on FB. So, I see my H has changed his profile pic from the one of us to just him w/the dog. He also commented on a few posts from family. He also posted a few pics. All of himself w/dog.

It made me cry...I mean I know it seems silly. But, when he said he was done a few days before Christmas. He went in to FB and put a pic of us up as his profile pic. I guess it gave me some kind of hope because, everyone saw it kinda thing. Also, since he never really used FB (only did it for me so, he could send me stuff for FV!) and only started after he ended it. He was sending me messages every time he got on like he missed me and stuff. This time he got on FB changed his pic but, didnt send me any message. frown

I know something so small as this shouldnt make me cry and feel so hopeless....but it does.

I mean, how can someone just walk away and delete you like you never exsisted? How do you go one day from saying ILY to the next done? Its been a month now....H never went this Dark before. I'm so down..........

I pray everyday for one more chance.....
Oh, Dixie! It's not silly. Please don't minimize your feelings and think that they are silly. I understand completely why you feel the way that you do. (((hugs)))

Dixie, going dark is your only option right now and you need to stay strong. You must. As far as hope, I can tell you about one of my dear friends who actually divorced his wife. He, too, went dark and was partying up with his friends and other women. Well, one day friend's wife went out on a date and friend DID NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. Well, that started the road back to recovery and eventually remarriage for the both of them. Now, I'm not telling you to go and date someone. What I am saying is that there is always hope. It's a matter of whether you want to maintain it or not. Life, it's weird, you know? Nothing is static, everything is always changing. Your reality right now can be completely different from your reality a week from now and you won't have a clue what will set that change off. It's like what they say about a butterfly flapping it's wings... it could set off a wind storm later on as it builds momentum. That's what you need right now, a butterfly flapping it's wings.

I'm praying for you. Will you consider getting another dog???

LIS
LIS,

Thank you so much. You always say just the right thing to make me feel better. I know that GOD can change anything @ anytime. I just keep praying & being faithful to him.

Your right I need a butterfly flapping its wings! I love that thought...I'm gonna hold on to that!!!

I'm considering another pet...I'm giving it more thought everyday. I miss the dog so much too...she is a Mommies girl too!

When I get real down, I think...I have no idea what GOD is doing in his life right now!? He could be using this time to work on his heart? right?

I'm staying dark LIS. But, so is he....that's was scary...but, he knows I don't want this...it's his choice. I have accept that...I do a bit more everyday....but, it doesnt lessen the hurt, missing him or loving him.

Thank you LIS for supporting me!!!

Dixie
Posted By: Redo Re: Need Advice!! Not sure on next move? Part 2 - 02/01/11 05:25 PM
Originally Posted By: dixiegal
UPDATE:

I know something so small as this shouldnt make me cry and feel so hopeless....but it does.

I mean, how can someone just walk away and delete you like you never exsisted? How do you go one day from saying ILY to the next done? Its been a month now....H never went this Dark before. I'm so down..........

I pray everyday for one more chance.....


I can understand you. A week before my wife filed for the D, she removed my contact info from her yahoo contact list, removed all links of mine from FB. At that time i did not connect the dots to figure out what was coming. But after receiving the D, i felt hurt that my W went to extent of cutting me out like a thorn on her side. It hurts to know that your spouse wants nothing to do with with you anymore after having shared everything with you...unbelievable.
DG,

Hang in there. YOu'll pull through. What's on your FB profile?
Dixie, I haven't had to walk where you are yet .... but I can totally understand how agonizing this is for you.

Here's the way I'm trying to approach the sitch ... and I do feel much better than I first did.

Think of right now, as a vacation where you get to do whatever you want to do. I have been looking at some meetup groups that schedule things like hikes, or going out to movies ... and such groups even exist for people who are separated or divorced. Anyway, do something you want to do that you wouldn't have been able to do before. I don't know what that is for you. But, now is a unique opportunity in life. The reset button has been pushed. Even though it isn't what you would've chosen ... it is still an opportunity. Make the best of it!
This is EXACTLY right! You do not know what God is doing in his life and with his heart. But what you do understand is what He is doing in yours.

Dixie, I know that you are heartbroken and God knows that too. So, please allow Him those quiet times to speak to you. I need to take that advice sometimes, but let Him do a work on your heart. You just have no idea the wonderful plans that He has for you. And you need to trust Him when you say, "not my will, but Your will be done." This will make it easier in going dark.

You just have such a good heart and a sweet nature. Those qualities are very hard to find in a person these days. Your H is going to learn that. But that isn't your concern right now. Work on YOU because YOU are worth it. And watch for those butterflies!

Now tell me... what kind of dog are you considering??

LIS
Posted By: Bolt Re: Need Advice!! Not sure on next move? Part 2 - 02/01/11 09:02 PM
LIS, that is great! God doesn't want us to be unhappy. He does want us to talk to Him and ask Him for help. That is the part of free will. Sure, God could step in at any time but He only wants to do it when WE ask Him for it.

Be still like LIS says and listen for Him. You'll will hear Him.
Yall are all so wonderful! I'm iced/snowed in today. So, no work. So, Ive been working on scrapbooking, cleaned the house, laundry. Even organized some more...(Im super organized). Just trying to stay real busy at the house....

I was getting down...thinking about how H didnt even call to check on me in this weather? Then I got on here and read ya'lls sweet words! THANK YOU THANK YOU

I gotta think about what I do have, not what I don't!

"Looking for butterflies"

God bless ya'll & I'm always praying...

Dixie

Ps. MrBond...my FB profile pic is just of me.
Originally Posted By: dixiegal
UPDATE:

So, I woke up to the sleet hitting the windows @ 4am. But, I wouldve woke up anyways cause, I cant sleep well these days.

Anyways, jumped on FB. So, I see my H has changed his profile pic from the one of us to just him w/the dog. He also commented on a few posts from family. He also posted a few pics. All of himself w/dog.

It made me cry...I mean I know it seems silly. But, when he said he was done a few days before Christmas. He went in to FB and put a pic of us up as his profile pic. I guess it gave me some kind of hope because, everyone saw it kinda thing. Also, since he never really used FB (only did it for me so, he could send me stuff for FV!) and only started after he ended it. He was sending me messages every time he got on like he missed me and stuff. This time he got on FB changed his pic but, didnt send me any message. frown

I know something so small as this shouldnt make me cry and feel so hopeless....but it does.

I mean, how can someone just walk away and delete you like you never exsisted? How do you go one day from saying ILY to the next done? Its been a month now....H never went this Dark before. I'm so down..........

I pray everyday for one more chance.....


Not silly at all. My W changed her profile pick of us to just her within a few weeks of her leaving. Crushed me! I returned the favor by changing mine. However her FB still says Married to me. hmmmmmm I check it like once a day. So no not silly at all. Sometimes the smallest things can make you cry. Hang tough you are doing well.
This is why I HATE FB. It is so high school... not even sure I can actually elevate it to that level. In September, before my H's announcement, we both signed up for FB. So I say I'm married to him, FB then sends an e-mail to him to confirm. He ends up not confirming. He said the e-mail was confusing. The only thing, of course, that is confusing is why he had regressed to being a two year-old. The worst part is that on FB we get to live our humiliation in a too public arena. Way too hurtful. And it gives the perfect setting for people to live out their childish behavior so that people like Dixie can take additional blows that are just completely unnecessary.
Lost

I agree! I hate the stupid thing I signed up because my nieces begged me for months finally I did. Now I find myself looking at W fb account to see if she is changing her status. I feel like a tard but I've done a lot of things lately that make me feel that way. My W and I never post anything private on there all she ever post every once in awhile is a motivation qoute.
Originally Posted By: 2stepboogie


Not silly at all. My W changed her profile pick of us to just her within a few weeks of her leaving. Crushed me! I returned the favor by changing mine. However her FB still says Married to me. hmmmmmm I check it like once a day. So no not silly at all. Sometimes the smallest things can make you cry. Hang tough you are doing well.


Just once per day 2Step?! I check my W's FB profile like every few hours to make sure that I'm still M'd to her! LOL...

It's not irrational to be upset by things like this Dixie. I think everyone here has felt similar about such "little" things. Things like that hurt. Sounds like you are having a better day. I'm happy to hear that.

BITS
Denver
2Step,

She might not post anything private, but when people start changing their statuses, that becomes very public. It's hurtful. And these changing pics, those things are hurtful too. And all of this is done with a huge audience. And like I said, people like Dixie and you, just get hurt more. I don't like it one bit. The last thing these children need is a forum to help their nonsense behavior along. FB caters to people like that! My heart goes out to Dixie and all of you dealing with that nonsense. I know it hurts. Ugh, I gotta get off my soapbox with this FB thing but Dixie was the 2nd person today that fell victim to this FB nonsense in my life today. The other I got to live through out loud (off the internet) and it was so so sad.

Dixie, I am so cheering for you!!! You are awesome and you don't let anyone or anything tell you any different! And I'm a scrapbooker too!!! I knew I liked you wink

And another thing, we care very deeply that you are home safe out of the ice/snow.
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
[quote=2stepboogie]

Just once per day 2Step?! I check my W's FB profile like every few hours to make sure that I'm still M'd to her! LOL...

BITS
Denver


Ok you got me. I check it a lot!!! I am such a woman
Originally Posted By: 2stepboogie
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
[quote=2stepboogie]

Just once per day 2Step?! I check my W's FB profile like every few hours to make sure that I'm still M'd to her! LOL...

BITS
Denver


Ok you got me. I check it a lot!!! I am such a woman


LOL... good times eh?
You boy's are sooo funny! It warms my heart and makes me laugh out loud! GOD bless ya 4 that! LIS your so sweet to be protective of us!!! I knew I liked ya too!!!

Looks like we will be snowed/iced in 2morrow too! So, gotta pace my things to do. LOL

Thanks for your concern for me and the ice! Its so odd dealing w/the stuff alone.

x0x0 yall!
I'm originally from the Northeast and I'm scared to death of the ice and snow! Scared to death. So being in TX, I can't imagine how you are feeling. You do the best you can do and do NOT drive until you are comfortable. You CAN take care of yourself. I know you can.

Looking for something to do??? Go online and pick your next puppy smile

And for the boys... I am a woman and I don't check my H's page. GET OFF OF THEIR PAGES AND STAY OFF OF THEM. Nothing good could come of it.
Time for you to start posting and journaling on FB how well YOUR life is.
Originally Posted By: MrBond
Time for you to start posting and journaling on FB how well YOUR life is.


I agree with Bond! I started doing that from day 1 of my GAL efforts and W has made a couple of comments about what I have posted. So I know she checks it and I know that it makes her curious.

Don't take it too far though. Early on, I posted a pic of a couple of new friends that I had met at a party. One of the friends was a fairly attractive woman. Now this was when my W was still had a ton of vitriol towards me, but she commented very sarcastically under the photo "nice". I know that it bothered her, but not in a good way due to my particular situation. My point is, just use it as a way of documenting how you are GALing. It can be used with great effectiveness and provide your H a brief glimpse into your life.

BITS
Denver
Afternoon Yall,

We'll still iced in!! My power went out at 3am...had to drive in this mess to work. My SUV slid into the ditch on the way. But, these nice guys pulled over and helped me out!!!

Now, I'm hoping when I get home the power will be back on too...so, if your out becareful.

I'm a bit down today folks......H didnt even try in anyway to contact me, to see if I was okay. We don't get this kinda of weather in North Texas. So, it's a big deal ya know. It really hurts that it appears that to him: I don't exsist anymore, he doesn't even care about my saftey, and/or is occupied w/someone else???? I guess, he has no love in his heart for me any longer. So, what am I even doing?????

I know I shouldnt think these things...but, I do.

Going DARK and LRT [censored]! He clearly wants nothing to do with me any longer. I knew it last week when he picked the Dog up. I could sense it...he was different....he has moved on....

Prayers,

Dixie
Sorry to hear that you are having a tough day Dixie. I know that going dark is hard. You have to give it some time though. I'm talking about weeks, maybe even months. He has to start to think that he may be really losing you.

Only you can decide whether or not it is worth the effort. Only you can decide when it is time for you to truly move on. Only you decides when it is over.

BITS
Denver
Thanks Denver!

Your right....I looked down at my Wedding Ring after reading your response....I'm not ready to take it off-I just put it back on! I haven't stopped loving my H...even if he doesn't love/want me anymore. My vows meant something to me. Even at a young age, I meant it..

Thanks for holding me up! I holding on Denver...arent we all!
Hi, haven't posted to you before but have read a few from you on other threads. You said something that I have read many, many times from a LBS, when you referred to your wedding vows. I was a WAW, in heart, and the last thing I probably thought about were my vows. I don't mean that in an ugly way, please understand, but I honestly was so messed up that my "vows" didn't cross my mind. I wonder if it does pop in the mind of most LBS, IDK.

So, I only say this in hope that you won't torture yourself by wondering if he ever took his vows seriously. The frame of mind a LBS has is difficult to understand and so many LBS try to figure them out. I'm sure he did take them seriously when he said them.....just as I'm sure he loved you.

I'm just rambling......

((hugs))
I have to be honest, I don't think the WAS cares at all about their vows. They are at a different place in their life, and like my W says "People do get divored!".

They wouldn't think of their vows anyways because it doesn't support their position. At one point my W said, "It's not like we wrote our own vows, they were just someone else's words that we repeated..."

I always laugh at the fact that my W can think about the last 15 years and somehow she can only think of "how bad it's been" and how "we were never meant to be together, we both just settled".

We'll be fine no matter what happens, and I do truly hope they come to regret what they are doing - but my fear is that will take a long time, much after the R is dead.

W just called and said they are just hitting the road, they should be home around 6 or 7. I guess at least she's calling to tell me.

LIS, Dixie, Denver, 2Step, we'll get through this and eventually better for having survived!
Good Morning/Early afternoon Yall,

This morning as been tough! I woke up at 4am to a busted pipe in the spare bathroom. The maint. guy came by 5am and has been in/out all morning. It's all fixable which is good!

But, I've been stuck home since they are coming in/out. I don't know what is wrong w/me folks. I have been so emotional since yesterday. I keep crying and it takes everything I got to stay DARK. It's like a wave...it rushes in and knocks me down. Then I get my balance and I stand up. Only to be knocked down by the next wave.

I miss & love my H so much...I havent heard from him in a week now. It hurts that he hasnt checked on me thru all the crazy weather and stuff. I havent heard from my IL expect his Cousin. Her & I have always been real tight...she told me she called him but, he never called her back.

The weather has kept me from my Choir/Walking and etc. So, maybe that's why I'm so weepy the last few days.

Hope yall are all doing well today-Prayers!
Dixie - I think that the weather is causing many of us to experience these emotional waves over the past couple of days. I know that I have had a tough time. It will be sunny again... both literally and figuratively. Hang in there.

And stay dark with your H. You are doing great. He has to BELIEVE that he is really losing you. If he does, he may come around.

BITS
Denver
Hi Dixie!

I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time. Yes, I agree some of it is because you are out of your new routine.

I don't have the first clue how hard it is for you to stay dark. I can't imagine the pain. I can't imagine the helplessness. But you know, YOU HAVE TO STAY DARK. You have to do whatever you have to do to maintain this stance. You really do not have any choice in the matter. I know how scary this is. I really do. It took every bit of strength that I had last night to tell my husband that I supported him leaving. But these are the things that we have to do to get to our goal. I know it would all be easier if we were assured we could get to our goal, but we are not afforded that luxury.

Dixie, are you familiar with Charlyne Steinkemp? If not, look up her website. It is more about religious support for standing while spouse is gone. They don't provide the step by step advice we get here, but they do provide the Biblical support that we need right now. They send scriptures by e-mail everyday that really help with the pain.

Sweetie, I wish I could give you a hug right now. I know you need one. (((hugs))). I'm praying for you everyday!!! Do you know that it is scientifically proven that those who pray and those who are prayed for, recover more quickly and better from traumatic illness? This is why I am so diligent about praying both for all of you and myself. I can't help but think that the same thing healing those people will heal all of your marriages. So when I say that I am praying, please know that I am VERY SINCERE.
Hey Dixie,

Days like these seem to last forever but like any other they pass. I actually feel better when I cry so let it out. Don't worry about why H hasn't called when my W doesn't call for a few days I try occupy myself with little things, anything. At first it was a nightmare I was constantly looking at the phone waiting wondering. This is really painful. I know the feeling.

Now I don't expect her to ever call or text even told her so today when we spoke. I told her if she did not want to ever talk to me again I would understand. I meant it.

She texted me a short time ago. They have their own demons to fight. You have too much going on right now to worry about their feelings or what they are and are not doing to you. Take care of Dixie and only Dixie. We are here for you
Lis, Denver & 2Step,

Yall are so awesome!!! I'm blessed to have yall to talk with and share these things!! i'm glad yall here to talk me down from the ledge! I would have cracked by now..without yall. These are some dark days for me/us...this Chapter in our lives is not what I would've wrote! That's for sure!

But, I tell myself this is only a Chapter!!! But, yall are correct, this weather gives ya the blues!! Busted pipes are not, I had to get out of that house! I drove to work ASAP..cause I could feel myself slipping into that crying depression.

Once I got to work I felt better. There were people to talk with and be around! That's what the hardest part is...the ALONE! It gets me everytime....

I'm not ready to get another pet...I'm still attached to "our" dog. But, I have been looking on line at the same breeder...so, maybe? I love Great Danes and Labs....

Feb. 26th is H birthday...we have never not been together on that day in 19 years! So, I was thinking about taking a 4 day weekend and fly to Carmel, CA. It's one of my fav places on earth! (I go twice a year and cruise Big Sur) I had planned on taking him there as a surprise...but, maybe I'll go myself and lay around, browse the shops, drink a glass of wine and relax.

Wish we could all go together....the sea air would do us all wonders!

Love & Blessing always~

Dixie
Great Danes and Labs are awesome. I've got a real soft spot for the Great Danes.

You going to Carmel is an awesome idea!!! Do you think that you will really do it??? I've never been but you always hear such great things about it.

*Sigh* yes, it would be great if we could all go together. What a group we would be! We'd probably have to hide the alcohol from a couple of fellow friends (we'll mention no names smile ), but what a great time it would be!

Dixie, you doing ok? I admire you so much for what you are doing. You know that? So many of us do. We all talk a big game telling you that you need to stay dark, but the truth is that we know how darn hard that is. I'm proud of you, Sweetie.

Take care of yourself. You are in my prayers.

LIS
Hey Lost, I know when I am being called out. HA! wink

Dixie,
Sweetheart, STAY DARK!!!! Yes, it will be hard. I had to do it for almost two months. It was very, very hard. I wouldn't lie to you. But, your H has a real problem with respect and how he treats you. Don't get mad at me, but I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. You have been really cool here and you don't deserve to be treated this way. You need to make him face that you are getting tired of being his "insurance policy" and you are ready to start standing up for yourself. Do it! Tonight I was bestowed the title of "Captain of the BITS" by 2step. My first official act as captain is to order you to stay dark and think of Dixie FIRST. Got it, soldier?

You have some many great friends here that will provide you with support and love. Take this and wrap yourself in it. Stay strong! If he doesn't have to face the music, he will never face reality.

Stay warm, wrap those pipes and keep your head up!!

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD
Originally Posted By: dixiegal
Lis, Denver & 2Step,

Yall are so awesome!!! I'm blessed to have yall to talk with and share these things!! i'm glad yall here to talk me down from the ledge! I would have cracked by now..without yall. These are some dark days for me/us...this Chapter in our lives is not what I would've wrote! That's for sure!

But, I tell myself this is only a Chapter!!! But, yall are correct, this weather gives ya the blues!! Busted pipes are not, I had to get out of that house! I drove to work ASAP..cause I could feel myself slipping into that crying depression.

Once I got to work I felt better. There were people to talk with and be around! That's what the hardest part is...the ALONE! It gets me everytime....

I'm not ready to get another pet...I'm still attached to "our" dog. But, I have been looking on line at the same breeder...so, maybe? I love Great Danes and Labs....

Feb. 26th is H birthday...we have never not been together on that day in 19 years! So, I was thinking about taking a 4 day weekend and fly to Carmel, CA. It's one of my fav places on earth! (I go twice a year and cruise Big Sur) I had planned on taking him there as a surprise...but, maybe I'll go myself and lay around, browse the shops, drink a glass of wine and relax.

Wish we could all go together....the sea air would do us all wonders!

Love & Blessing always~

Dixie



DG - I think you should go and if you do, make sure you have a fwe glasses of wine for me! :-)
FOBD,

Yes Sir Capt!!! I'm staying DARK...and praying. That's all I can do. Thank you for your support, its so tough!

Zen, you got it!

Lis, your the best!
Dixie,

Ugh... are you not sleeping? Why are you up so early? Is this normal for work or are you not sleeping? This post says 3:50, which would mean 2:50 your time?

LIS
FOBD... what??? wink I purposely didn't name names in order to protect the guilty smile
I noticed that all of our senses of humor are coming out more and more.

How cool are we? What does that say about us besides we totally rock!
"It's not the days, the hours, the minutes, nor the seconds that count. It's man's actions and reactions to them that make or break his life's journey"

You're right, Gypsy, we do rock!
It even cheers me up just reading the humor. The second I saw the part about hiding the booze I thought of FOBD! lol

Seriously though I'd be in the same boat if I was presonally hiding the booze from myself...no good will come of it.

Stay positive everyone!

P.S. I'd love to go anywhere hot at the moment, California sounds perfect to me!! smile
Good Afternoon Yall!

Snowed in...the city is a mess...everyone is trying to fly in for SuperBowl. But, our airports are closed down!! I live outside the city where the roads are less traveled. So, I'm home again-work is shut down! UGH!!!

Lis, I don't sleep much these days...just 4 hours or so. I still dream all kinds of craziness. Every 4/5 days though I pass out for 6-8 hours! Trust me I'd do anything to make it stop. I woke this morning cause, I was DREAMING that I got a text from H that said, "ILY and I wanna come home!"

I know just a dream.....but, that kinda tells ya what I have to shake off ya know? I think I did pretty good so far...I got dressed went outside in the snow and made a snow angel! I took lots of pics. Heck, I felt kinda peaceful. But, alas I'm running out of things to do...I mean I can only clean and organize so much! LOL

I've been trying to find my H's P90X tapes...figure I could put all my focus into working out and becoming a Cougar!!! J/J LOL
But, seriously I think it would help me sleep and clear my mind. (Plus, I would like to look awesome if/when I see H again.)

We'll friends...back to keeping busy...

Prayers to all always,

Dixie
Just for the record, FOBD, the following people have called you out:

1) FOBD
2) ScaredinCanada (I swear I'm cracking up!)

I named no one!!! wink
Quote:
I've been trying to find my H's P90X tapes...figure I could put all my focus into working out and becoming a Cougar!!! J/J LOL
But, seriously I think it would help me sleep and clear my mind. (Plus, I would like to look awesome if/when I see H again.)


grin Well......you go girl!
P90X is an awesome program!!!! That is such a great plan!!! You are not going to believe the confidence starting a program like that will instill in you. I started working out with a personal trainer in December and I feel like I can kick butt! You need that right now.

Now, with that said, you need more sleep. 4 hours is inadequate especially if you are starting a workout program. Hopefully, the program will allow you to sleep better. However, have you thought about talking to the doctor for some help? Maybe some anti-anxiety medication would help? I don't know, I'm not a doctor, I only play one here. But there has got to be something you can do to get more restful sleep.

I love the snow angels. That sounds like fun!!!

I wish you were here organizing my house. I used to be organized right before my life went into the toilet. My Christmas tree is still up! Oh well.

Hang in there, Dixie. I'm praying for you, sweetie!

LIS
Lost, it is hard for me to get pissed at you for getting me labeled as the "town drunk" when I am laughing so hard I just pee'ed a bit in my pants. Opps! I am so glad we can find some laughter on here. I am also glad to see that you are in such a good mood that you can poke some fun. I like hearing that my BITS are feeling good tonight. I hope you are doing well!!

Dixie, I highly recommend the P90X routine. Looking good leads to feeling good. I have put on 8 lbs in the past three months and I still have not yet had to push my belt forward by a notch. This means that am I putting on muscle instead of fat. I have never looked better. Who knew that I would have to get dumped by my W to look better??? These are strange times we are living in these days, my friends. And please, get some sleep. Four hours is not enough. You need to take care of yourself or you are going to end up in a bad state. There is nothing wrong with asking your doc for something to sleep. Sleep and proper nourishment are very important. That is why I spent two hours in the gym today and then polished off my evening with 20 hot wings and a bucket of fries. OK, bad example, but you get my point.

Capt. FOBD's second order... GET SOME SLEEP!

I will expect a full report on Monday. wink

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD
Is this really happening this week?!

So, my pipe burst in the spare bedroom earlier this week, work was closed for 2 days/delayed to open the others, SUV got stuck in the ditch, slid all over the next day almost hit another car, fell on the ice, lost power for 12 hours and was a emotional wreck because I have not heard from in anyway or seen H in awhile.

So, this morning as I left to go into the office for a few hours. The fire alarms go off in my townhomes!! So, the fire sprinkler that they install in walls now too, burst!!!

Talk about a mess folks....good news in the crew got there in minutes they were 2 doors down working on anonther issue and lucky for me I was there when it happened cause, they turned the water off ASAP!

Still struggling w/the emotions this weekend! But, hanging tough!
When it rain it pours, maybe that was not the best analogy to use. This too shall pass dixie, I know you are very much a religious person. I read the book of JOB a few backs, when I think about my life being crappy I think of him, now that is some bad luck.
Oh Dixie,

Boy are we having the same week...

Psalm 40. That has gotten me through this week. Well all the psalms but that one has meant a lot to me.

Another thing... not for nothing, but did you ever think that you would get through all of this on your own. I mean a year ago, could you have imagined that you could do all of this? I think you kick butt and you keep trucking along even in the pain you are in. I mean on my own thread I pointed out that I wanted to do some things like Dixie.

I know how hard your H not calling is, sweetie. It feels like someone is ripping your heart right out of your chest. But you are getting stronger everyday. I'm not sure you realize, but you should really look at the progression of your posts. You really are getting stronger. Now, YOU NEED TO BELIEVE THAT.

How long have you been dark now?

I'm praying for you with all my heart.

LIS
Dixie,

Lost is right, if you were to tell yourself this would be happening to you, you would of said "i couldn't handle that" but yet here you are still breathing and still living. Hang in there you are not walking this dark and lonely road alone, although you don't see us we are there with you.
Thank you 2step and lis!

Yall are so awesome...I told myself, settle down its all fixable and is already being taken care of...

Yall always say just the right thing to make me feel so much better! I'm blessed really! I do feel stronger at times...but, as a woman I'm so use to calling H to help me out or advise. (I like that role too! LOL) So, it was rough this week/morning..But, I did get past it quickly. That's a good sign!


I'm going to dinner tonight w/my girl friend & her H. I'm looking forward to it..but, it is kinda odd to be the 3rd wheel ya know? But, oh well...I'm glad for the company! It beats sitting in the house crying alone!!!


2morrow is Superbowl! My city has gone crazy since we are hosting it!! Tons of parties around town and tailgates...I think after church and etc. I may check that scene out!!! If I don't like it, I can always leave right!? There is always shopping!! LOL

I want to tell ya both that I'm so glad yall have my back!!! This is some rough stuff to go through....I know GOD has a plan for me. I will not give up until he says too...Yall don't give up either!!!

Psst...2step it made me smile when you said youve been reading the bible!!! GOD is working on your heart my friend!!!

Blessings and Prayers!

Dixie
We will ALL be stronger and better people for what we are going through Dixie. Just remember that. Hang in there.

BITS
Denver
Hi DG - Just checking in on you to see how you are doing!
UPDATE UPDATE:

Going DARK and posting a few fun tidbits on FB worked!!!!!

Okay, here's the 411 friends...

This morning at 5am. H texts me "Are you awake?"

He knows I get up early on Sundays..

I waited a few minutes and responded "I am"

5 seconds later he calls!!!

H: Hi how are you?
M: I'm good and you?
H: Fine, I wanted to give you a call cause I saw on your FB you have had a lot of craziness going on. You didnt get any of the furniture ruined did you?
M: No...(Recapped the events of the week)blah blah....
H: "Well, I'm glad. I wanted to give you a call. Because when I last saw you. You asked me a question (going to see a new C) and I said we could go to dinner. I was going to call you before but, its been real crazy for me this week too. But, I wanted to make sure I got back with you."
M: "Okay, sure."
H; "Well, I usually only have Thursday's off. But, I'm not sure of the schedule yet and if they may require me to work because I didnt go in several days. Because of the Ice/Snow storm. But, if I'm off I thought we could go to Dinner and talk about a few things." "I'll find out and let ya know."
M: "Okay"

The he started talking about the Dog and her reaction to the snow and such. He said, "I took video of it so I could show you."

(So, my H always has had this thing he says to me before we would go to sleep. He says, Goodnight. I would say, Sleep tight. He says Sweet Dreams. I would say, of you. Then he would say, say your prayers.... then we would both say ILY.)

Sooooo, at the end of the convo. H says, you have a nice day at Church/Choir. Becareful. Then he pauses for a second....it was real odd!

M: "Good Night & Sweet Dreams."

H: "Of you.."


Yall I almost died!! I really didnt expect to hear from him at all!!! I should also mention that he told me where he is living! He said, he was staying w/his Grandparents since his friend got married and stuff. Of course, he said until he finds something else.

He also did alot of talking about his week, the Dog, and the weather. Asked, if his Cousin was coming in anytime soon. I said, no. But, Ill be headed to LA for Crawfish Season. H got real quiet then. Cause, that's something we have done for all these years together. At first, I could hear in his voice that he was guarded. But, I was upbeat and friendly through the whole convo. Then he started to relax..I could hear it in his voice. He even laughed a few times when I laughed. (telling my snow stories) He said, I saw your pics on FB. "I liked that one pic you took, its awesome" "Did you really lay down in the snow and make a snow angel?!"

Yall I can't wait to get to Church today that's for sure~ I'm excited but, I told myself be excited here for a second. Because, there is nothing set yet. But, its something I guess. Right?! So, I need to stay DARK and continue to do what I was doing. Putting all my focus on my relationship w/GOD and ME. Cause, I know things could change in a second. He could be just leading me on..?

Ok Yall....Lets hear the feedback!!!!

Praying for everyone today,

Dixie
Dixie,

I don't know where to start here, but I figured at the end. Yup, he could be leading you on... he could be turning a corner. Which are you going to choose to believe right now? One will probably produce bad results and one, good. You know which is which.

Our dear, sweet Dixie... staying dark WORKED. And you worked so hard at it and you need to take a moment to be happy and PROUD. You are allowed to do that. Of course, you must play cool in front of H, but that doesn't mean you can't skip and leap through the house a couple of times. You know what else? I bet that your H is pretty impressed with what you managed to get through this week. You know what he's learning? You don't need him. And I'm not so sure he likes that.

Oh, sweetie, I am so happy for you! Now, remember, proceed without expectations. It's OKAY to be happy, but have no expectations. Stay upbeat always even if he doesn't do what you want. Keep posting on FB. Holy cow!!! He's reading it!!! He's checking up on you.

Have a great day, Dixie. Celebrate the small steps. I'm praying for you!!!

LIS
You did good DG. See a few posts on FB can do wonders. I always believe it's important for the WAS to SEE the changes in their spouses.

Okay, next time he calls, don't answer. As a matter of fact, don't answer until the next day. He's still trying to keep you in his control.

The key is to have him wanting you so much that he'll do whatever it takes to try to keep you. Trust me on this one.

You've already planted the seed, now it's his turn to start WANTING you more.
DG - NICE!!! Your hard work has been paying off, FAB, FAB!

Keep him coming back begging for more!
Originally Posted By: MrBond
You did good DG. See a few posts on FB can do wonders. I always believe it's important for the WAS to SEE the changes in their spouses.

Okay, next time he calls, don't answer. As a matter of fact, don't answer until the next day. He's still trying to keep you in his control.

The key is to have him wanting you so much that he'll do whatever it takes to try to keep you. Trust me on this one.

You've already planted the seed, now it's his turn to start WANTING you more.


Dixie - That is awesome!!! I think that you have seen your first baby steps. But remember, you can't go from baby steps to a dead sprint. Keep doing what you are doing.

I think that LIS is dead on with her advice. BOND is giving you the instruction manual though. I think that he absolutely right on how to proceed now.

Keep working Dixie! You are doing great!!
Thanks Denver, Gypsy and Lis!

Mr. Bond I'm gonna follow that instruction to the letter!!!

Thank yall so much for all your support...its baby steps!! But, its the steps that could lead somewhere!!!
Congrats DG!

THIS:
Originally Posted By: MrBond

Okay, next time he calls, don't answer. As a matter of fact, don't answer until the next day. He's still trying to keep you in his control.

The key is to have him wanting you so much that he'll do whatever it takes to try to keep you. Trust me on this one.

You've already planted the seed, now it's his turn to start WANTING you more.
is great advice!
Dixie,
You have brought a smile to my heart today. I am very excited for you. But, please make sure to stick to the plan, OK. Don't let him mess with you. Bond is dead on. Don't answer the next time he calls. Remember my analogy about you being a "drug" for him. Next time, don't let him get his fix quite as easily. Make him work for it. He has played too many games with you in the past. Take a bit of control for your own good.

Man, I am stoked. I have watched your poor heart suffer for so long and today you got to feel the sunshine on your face. Smile tonight, you are doing great! Sorry to hear about your other woes, but remember, they are noting but "background noise" right now. You are a highly-trained, well-equipped DB'er looking to kick some *ss!!!

BITS never walk alone!

FOBE
dixie,

Before I go to bed I wanted to say Take A Bow. Congrats on keeping it together while going dard and keeping your cool while talking to him. You deserve a small victory and I am glad you got it today.

Mr Bond has given you solid advice I believe. The one thing I wanted to tell you almost echoes what Lost and the others have said. It is easy to lose your bearing at this moment because the excitement over takes reason.

Keep it together and remember to look at this for what it is, a small victory nothing else. If your dinner goes good, then you have a small victory. I believe that when the WAS makes contact with you is when the real challenge begins and it is easy to lose focus and backslide.

For the meantime please hop and skip around the house and breathe a big sigh of relief, you have done fantastic. One person’s success is all of our successes, especially when it is a BITS
Another suggestion is to think of something that he's always said he wanted to do with you but didn't. Do that activity and show it on FB with the comment "Having a blast".

That'll get his attention. LOL.
How are we doing tonight, Dixie? Still riding that good wave from the weekend?

BITS!

FOBD
Good Morning Yall,

I just wanted tell my friend here...Thank You! I was praying and thanking GOD for all my blessings...that's yall!

Yall are here to celebrate the lows and highs with me!!! I couldnt have kept it together this long w/out yall.

I don't know what is going to happen, but I'm ready either way I think. I'm going over the DBing books and focusing on the areas that I needed to change.

Have not heard from H again as of yet. But staying focused right now on work and my relationship w/GOD....

Good news though, my friend and I met for Dinner. Her H is a airline pilot. At dinner she said, she wants for her and I to have a girls weekend in the wine country!!! Her H will cover our flights w/his free passes!!!! I'm soooo excited to return to Callie..we are ironing out the details. But, she wants us to go in March/April!!!!

Yall have a wonderful day...Ill be stuck in meetings all day!

Prayers Always for yall,

Dixie
DG:

You are always the bright spot on a cloudy day! I don't know how you do it - I am amazed. I feel like I've been wallowing in self pity since yesterday and it's got me it's grip pretty tight.

Your words always make me smile. It's probably the y'all's!
Glad to hear you have a nice trip on the horizon. You deserve it!

Hoping you have a great day as well - Prayers back at ya!
Oh, seriously, that trip is going to be so much fun! I am so jealous and happy for you all at once. You absolutely deserve a break and a vacation.

I wouldn't worry about not hearing from him yet. I think he's waiting to see if you'll go on the chase. I think you've got him seriously confused because you're not doing it.

I'm wondering, what made him come back the last time? How did you act the last time?

I'm praying for you!

LIS
DG, drink one or two for me. HA HA! wink

We want to hear all about the trip when you return. Have a good time, take plenty pictures and post them all over your house to remind yourself that you are the most important person in your world right now. There is nothing wrong with treating yourself right!!

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD
The wine country? Oh man. I hope you are inviting FOBD! LOL just kidding buddy.

DG,

That is great news, a trip right now would prob really lift the spirit. I think it is a great idea.
Good Morning My Sweet Friends!

So, trying to say up beat right now. Still have not heard back from H. Plus, North Texas got hit w/another Ice/Snow blast. You our company has closed us down for the day. All the roads in Dallas are closed too frown

Last time, it sent me into a depression...so, I'm gonna clean the house like a crazy person, force myself to scrapbook, clean out some closets and cut coupons! LOL

This will be the 2nd week that Choir has been closed cause of weather! Ugh....so, I'll have my own bible study at the house!

LIS, I hope your right about why he didnt call back...last time I was in South Texas and H was in North Texas. He never stopped calling. He called almost everyday, the longest was 2 days or so. I already accepted my promoiton (move to Dallas). So, he knew I would be coming sooner or later. I didnt pursue him them either...he kept calling and said he wanted to go to see a C and work on our Marriage. That was then...lot has happen since then.

So, I'm sure H isnt shocked that I don't call or anything. I'm then one who freaks out cause, he has pretty much cut all contact.

We'll I'm not gonna think about that today. Today, I'm gonna keep busy and keep trucking w/good ju ju!! LOL

Pss. Looks like my girl friend and I are gonna head to CA in April! I'm looking forward to it for sure!!!

Sending lots of love and prayers to yall! Yall are my angels on earth!!!!!
Sorry for all the typo's!! Geez smile
Finally got caught up on your thread.... wow!!! YEAH!!! Love your attitude, love that you were able to deal with the house stuff on your own and love that you did such a great job going dark and with the phone conversation with your H. You go girl!!! You got some great advice on making him pursue a bit.
Way to go, Dixie! I like your style. I too love cleaning when I get depressed. Since my W left, you can eat off of every surface in the house!!!! grin

Have a good day tomorrow! You deserve it!

BITS never walk alone!!!

FOBD
That is a PMA for sure Dixie! I'm happy to hear it. The trip to Cali will be fun too!!

BITS
Denver
Morning Ya'll,

So, this morning I'm in a funk. It's Thursday my H only day off. H said, he would call me prior to let me me know if he would be working or not. If he was not, then he wanted us to meet for dinner. That was this past Sunday morning when I spoke to him.

I'm so sad frown and have been in tears all morning. I'm trying so hard to not give up and loose faith. I pray for our marriage to be restored. I'm staying dark and I'm not pursuing at all. But, it feels like he is only moved farther away and disconnected from me.

I just feel that after all this, after everything we've been through that he could see how much I love him and come back. Maybe, I'm a fool for thinking all this. I don't know...

How can someone just walk away like that??? I will never understand it as much as I try....I could never do that to him. I just couldnt hurt him like that on purpose.

I'm sorry yall...I'm just a crying wreck today. Just when I think I have a handle on it. It hits me real hard all over again. I'm so tired...this is on my mind every second of every day. I can not even sleep w/out dreaming of it. When I do sleep.

Valentines Day and my H Birthday is all in the next two weeks. GOD please give me the strength!
Dixiegal - hang in there - you are not alone in this - there are many of us in exactly the same situation as you are and can relate 100% to your fears and challenges. I don't know how anyone makes it thru the challenges of separation without God as their source of strength - I simply do not know how anyone does that, I certainly could not. I have gained a lot of encouragement from a book called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young - it is a book of daily devotionals and encouragement. If you google it you can find it- I have it on my Kindle so I get to be encouraged each and every morning from God's word.

I encourage you to get a copy and know that God is in fact your strength and will never leave you nor forsake you - even when the world does.

Hang in there - I am now separated after a 33 year marriage to the love of my life -so I know of what you speak - believe me- I know.
Mr. Firstlove
Dixie,

I am dreading V-Day as well. Do you have any single friends or someone in your family that you could out with on Monday?

If it was upto me, I'd go out with a friend for dinner and movie or something - leave my cell phone at home and just have a fun night otherwise you'll be sitting at home feeling like crap. No point in doing that.

For me I want to be there for my babies, so I am going to plan a nice dinner and I'm stopping on the way home to pick up some little gifts to give them (some candy or chocolate and probably a V-Day style craft).

They'll appreciate it, and it will allow me to remove the focus from my W. I also assume it will make her feel good to see me being thoughtful to the kids - and if not, oh well no concern here.

I think for your H's birthday, a simple text. Just saying, "Happy Birthday" with no "!" or ":)" or anything extra, just simple or just mail/give him a very simple card with no extra ILY's or anything in it.

Good luck!

BITS
SIC
Dixie,

Awww... Dixie, big hugs for you today. I am so sorry for all the pain that you are in. It does get better even though you don't feel that right now. It does.

You have to stop saying that you are a fool for fighting for your marriage. These are your values and principles and they are good and that doesn't make you foolish. Remember, what we are told, "be in the world, but not of the world." Meaning, maybe our values here aren't all that conventional, maybe others would have quit a long time ago, but we are holding ourselves to higher values. There will be those, and have been those, who accuse us of doing that simply to meet our own needs and wants. And that's fine. We know what is in our heart. God knows what is in our heart. There will be plenty of others to judge you. Don't judge yourself like that.

So let's think of some things to do this weekend... I have to workout and actually take down my Christmas decorations. smile But I need something fun to do...

I'm praying for you, sweetie
Quote:
H said, he would call me prior to let me me know if he would be working or not. If he was not, then he wanted us to meet for dinner. That was this past Sunday morning when I spoke to him.


This is something that I have struggled with very much. This is what caused me to go into a state of anger right after christmas. She said she would call and did not. I waited for the phone to ring for 3 days and when it didn't I was pi$$ed so i sent her a text telling her I was done! What did that get me? D filed a week later. My point is simple.......stay busy today take time to catch up with all your fellow posters, clean house and do whatever it is you need to do to stay focused and happy. This will serve two purposes 1. Keep your mind off your H and off your depression 2. Give a clear mind when he calls. Our voice intonation is very important.

Quote:
I'm trying so hard to not give up and loose faith.


Everyday is a struggle. Some are better than others this is where we come in. On the low days we lift you up and on your high days you lift us up.

Quote:
Maybe, I'm a fool for thinking all this.


You are not a fool for thinking this all though we have all considered ourselves as fools at one point or another. This journey will teach us many things along the way embrace the pain it will give you a clear mind later. You give up when you are ready but you are not ready.

Quote:
How can someone just walk away like that??? I will never understand it as much as I try....I could never do that to him. I just couldnt hurt him like that on purpose.


The million dollar question.........In my case it was different. I ask myself how could I have be so careless. At the end of the day we are all here because somewhere down the line we stopped filling our love tanks now we have the hard work of starting fresh.

Quote:
I'm sorry yall...I'm just a crying wreck today. Just when I think I have a handle on it.


Same emotions different cycles. If you notice most of my post to others comes in the week while most of my post on my own thread come from the weekend. My weekends are hopeless and painful. I need lifting, by Tuesday though I am feeling pretty good and by Thursday there is no mountain I can't climb. I need that feeling to get ready for Saturday. You are not alone

“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”
He's the fool, not you, Dixie. Hugs to you my friend.

Valentine's Day... have you seen the movie? In one part of the storyline single women get together for an anti-V day dinner. Love that idea!

The V Day after my ex-boyfriend cheated (I found out in January), I decided I was not going to sit around alone and cry like I did after the XH left. I wasn't married to him, I wasn't completely crushed or mourning that R or even thought about trying to save it so I was open to going out that night without too much baggage. So, I signed up for speed dating. 5 minute dates for 2 hours. 5 minutes - long enough to see what was out there, feel attractive, have some laughs. I never exchanged personal info with any of them (wasn't ready to date and wasn't attracted to any of them anyway). Because I had no family nearby, no single friends... I didn't have many options to get out of the house. The good thing about the speed dating... everyone else there was in the same situation as me.... alone on V-Day and trying to look forward instead of wallowing in self pity. We were all comfortably uncomfortable and had a good sense of humor about it.

Do I recommend that for you? No. You're too fragile right now for that.

So why am I telling you this story? smile Because you need to find SOMETHING to do. Something fun, safe and uplifting instead of sitting around the house mourning. You won't be cheating on him if you dare to have fun on V day without him. Go see a movie, go to the pound and find a new puppy, go out with a girlfriend, go to meetup.com (not a dating site, it's for people who share hobbies and interests) and sign up for a get-together. Go on-line and look for a anti-V day party somewhere... surely a restaurant or club or group or church will have one somewhere near you. Or go visit a nursing home and volunteer for the evening... they always need help and V Day is surely hard for the widows and widowers there.

Not only will you feel better doing something productive that day but you'll feel for the next few days because you have plans. smile
Yall are so amazing! Thank Lis...your right...we are in the world, not of it. Your words hit me right to the core!!! Thanks for that reminder! That is who I am...I forgot for a second smile

2step, Thank you friend for being there to lift me up when I'm down. You always point out the "real of it". I need that! It always jolts me back!!!!

Hope, Thank you for giving me so many great ideas! I'm gonna call a local Childrens Hospital or the Retirement Center. That's a great idea. We are having a pot luck at work...I could take a plate of something or just be there!

To all of yall...THANK YOU! When I'm down like this...yall always make me feel better and give me a new perspective. Today, is rough. But, everything can change is a moment.

I'm so blessed to have yall here!!!! This is me giving yall a big hug!!!
Dixie,
Head up, chest out, eyes straight ahead, focus on the goal!!! Here is some advice I still have not yet taken on my own, but wanted to pass to you. Try to stop living or dying by his calls!! Don't let him have that kind of control over you. He can only have as much power over you as you give him. Remember that!! If you restrict his power over you, you are in control. You are looking out for number 1, Dixie.

Come on, girl! You can do this. I know you can because you are a BITS!!! BITS can do anything!!

FOBD
FOBD,

Thanks you for all your support....you always make me laugh! I need that....

Today is Friday...this is gonna be a tough weekend....I'm praying for us all....for GOD to work in all our lives.

Thinking of you all!!!

Love and Blessing~ Dixie
Good Morning BITS!

So, as I wake up this morning...(yes LIS I slept for 8 hrs!) I'm still feeling pretty proud of myself. So, yesterday yall started off rough w/lots of crying. But, I made myself get up and take a 2 hour morning walk. I talked to GOD the entire time! When I got home, I paid bills and then got dressed (like I was going somewhere).

Then out of the blue my friend calls me. Her H and her Son are pilots. They are headed to the airport to fly. Would I like to go w/them and take a flying lesson???? Ummmm...YES!

So, I did it yall!!! I took my first flying lesson yesterday in a new red/white Piper Sport! I flew the plane several times!!! Its a two seater plane. So, my girlfriends son took me up for hour 1/2! We flew over Dallas, Lake Lavon and Lake Ray Hubbard! Its was scary but, real exciting at the same time...wish I could post those pics here! I only got a little freaked for a second....LOL It was an amazing feeling and I beat down one of my biggest fears!

After, we all went to eat some seafood! We visited for awhile...then my friend and her H talked w/me about my sitch. Yall see my Girlfriend was a WAS 10 yrs ago. She had an affair and etc. They made it! She told me how, they had gone to a Marriage conference Friday night at church and that Saturday morning. How hard it was after all these years for them to hear some of the topics. That it reminded them both of that pain and how lost they both were....then as they were driving to the Airport...they both started talking about me. WOW!!!

GOD is amazing yall!!!!! I don't doubt for a second that GOD had a hand in yesterday!!!! We talked about what I was feeling. I shared DBing w/them. About the LRT, Going Dark and etc. Her H said, he agreed to some points. My girlfriend said, she was so angry and put it all on her H. That her guilt for the affair was so strong...that even now she can't believe what a good man her H is for holding on. While she was a crazy hateful person to him! We all teared up! Then they said, "You have to hold on, if your H wants to D you then let him do it." "But, don't give up and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." "Because, yall can come back from this even after all this time and all that has happened." "If your H wants to come back, GOD has been working on you and your DBing to prepare you for it."

Yall, I came home so excited!!! I have not felt any true joy or happiness in so long. Thank You GOD for a wonderful Saturday!!!

So, now I'm off to Sunday morning Church Choir and then I'm going to one of my old fishing holes...I use to love to go do that. I'm gonna spend the rest of the day outside fishing and hanging w/GOD!

One last note....I pray for all of yall almost everyday. I'm SO thankful for each of you! Yall are such wonderful folks. That no matter what yall are feeling. Yall put it aside to help your brother/sister. THANK YOU! I'm so GRATEFUL for this sight and yall!!!!!

BITS!!

"Life is short, Pray hard!"

Dixie
That is awesome news, sounds like just what the doctor ordered. I love when you guys post stuff about meeting actual WAS and they give their perspective.

Congratz on the plane. AWESOME!
ok I have to ask group - what is a BITS ?

Oh and Dixie - prayer is the ONLY answer - seek His will in your life and He will give you the desires of your heart.

FL
Dixiegal

I know I have posted this poem before, but I think it bears repeating here with what you are going thru, I know I read it each and everyday and it gives me hope and a plan.


Letting Go
Author unknown
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I don’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

Combining the strength to fear less and love more is in keeping with Winston Churchill's encouragement to the world during WWII to

NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER give up. God has a plan for you Dixiegal, seek His plan and follow Him and He will give you the desires of your heart.

"Peace I leave with you' my peace I give you. I do not give you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid"
- John 14:27

Hang in with God

FL
DG,

I am so glad that you had a good day.

I went back through all of your old threads. Have you considered going over checking some of the MLC posts? Many of them have been at this as long as you have. Maybe check out seeking answers, Brooklyn, Grace, punkin and goodgirlattitude. Read through the entire thread. They have similar sitchs.

Rae
Oops! Meant goodattitudegirl!
UPDATE!!!!

I just got a call from H!

I took my really off guard. But, I got it together and acted really nice. So, here is how it went down.

H: Hi how are you?

Me: Doing well, How are you?

H: I'm sick. I have the flu and have been in bed for two days.

Me: I'm sorry your feeling bad. I hope you feel better soon.

H: So, what are you doing?

Me: Oh, I just got home from working out for the past few hours.

H: Really, how is that working out for you?

Me: Pretty good, I've lost 27 pounds.

H: Wow, that's good I'm proud of you.

Me: Thanks.

H: (started telling me a story about Dog and etc.)

H: Umm..your kinda quiet.

Me: I was listening to you tell me about Dog.

H: Oh...
H: We'll I was calling about Thursday. I don't know what your plans are. But, I was thinking you could meet me for dinner at say 7pm in Lewisville? (That's halfway between us folks)

Me: (I paused cause I was thinking about my response) That would be fine.

H: We'll if you need it to be later we could meet at 8p?

Me: No, that's fine.

H: So, how is work?

Me: Blah Blah Blah...work talk.

Me: How is the vending machines going and the Casino?

H: Blah Blah Blah....

Me: We'll I better let you go so you can get some rest.

H: Okay, I'll see you Thursday. If you can't make it just let me know.

Me: Okay. Hope you feel better. Bye

H: Bye


Okay Yall, I want to point out that he was not that friendly in his tone. At first, he seemed a little nicer than 1/2 way through his tone changed a bit. Not sure why? ( I also should mention that I posted a few photos from my flight lesson on FB today.)

However, he never mentioned it. But, I thought he is sick and can get real moody when he is. I'm just not sure. So, I'm meeting him this week Thursday at 7p (thats Central Time). I'm so freaked out right now!!!! I'm preparing myself for the worst and praying for the best.

But, his tone made me feel like he had disconnected. I'm so scared yall....I am so afraid he is going to ask for a D. I mean he didnt even mention the fact that he didnt call me when said he was. Wt heck???

Plus, he has me driving and meeting him halfway instead of coming over here by the house? What does that mean???

I miss & love him so much...I need everyone's prayers for GOD to work on both our hearts for Thursday! But, I have to prepare myself for the fact that he may be done and doesnt want me/us. That he just wants to meet to talk about a D.

I need the BITS now...I'm trying to breathe and ground myself abit. I'm What ifs myself to death right now!

Dixie
Dixie - First, you did an absolutely AWESOME job with that conversation... AND with the FB photos. BRAVO!!

Now, here's my advice... call him on Wednesday and cancel. Tell him that you had something come up and can't meet him. Then go do something fun on Thursday night instead... post a photo on FB. I know that this sounds childish, but remember the goal here with your sitch... we need to get your H flustered about how much fun you are having, why you're not pursuing him, and thoughts of losing you!

Next, when you reschedule, tell him that you don't have the time to meet him half way. Tell him to meet you someplace closer to where you live.

Everything that is going on now bw you and your H is about control. Your H HAS had it, he WANTS to keep it, but he feels it slipping away. Wrestle it away from him Dixie!!

BITS
Denver
I gotta say I agree with Denver here. Cancelling the appt will be very hard to deal with from your standpoint but you posted photos and then he calls?

I am going with with Denver on this. I like it
UPDATE part II:

Okay yall...I don't think I need to cancel dinner...get this! H just called back!

I was sitting here crying and freaking out...so, I didnt answer it. Got myself together real quick and breathed a bit...

H called again, I was praying and calming down. I didnt answer it.

H called AGAIN! I answered it.

Me: Hello

H: Hey, I was just on FB you did'nt tell me you went flying when I talked to you a little bit ago. I asked you what you had been doing?

Me: We'll, I guess it didn't occur to me. That was yesterday I just wasnt thinking of it when I spoke to you.

H: We'll I mean that's a pretty big deal and you didn't even share it with me. I mean, I'm proud of you. So, tell me about how it went. I mean I just cant believe you didnt tell me...

Me: Blah Blah Blah ..... of course I was real happy talking about it. Said, it was my first lesson and such....

H: We'll good, its sounds like a lot of fun. I'm proud of you.

Me: It was great. I really enjoyed it.

H: We'll it's odd that I can't see your post anymore on FB news feed. Do you have me blocked or something?

Me: No

H: We'll I can see everyone else's but yours.

Me: No, FB has changed some stuff...then I told him how to fix the option to see all his friends.

H: I'm on it now. Let me do that...oh okay I see now. We'll I'm gonna go back to bed. I'm really sick. I just wanted to talk to you about the flying lesson. I'll see ya Thursday.

Me: Okay, hope you feel better

H: Thanks.

Me: Sweet Dreams. Bye

H: Bye


So, brother BITS....what is the word now???? He seemed shocked and freaked out at first. Then he calmed down and acted at the end like I don't care voice thing.

I think if I cancel now. It would be to much....plus honestly I don't think I could go through with it.

Dixie
Dixie, Dixie... You gotta have a killer's instinct here! You have your H on the hook. He's beginning to feel just what you want him to feel... that he's losing control over you!!!!

Dixie, this is why your H feels that he can do whatever, whenever when it comes to his W. He believes that he has, and will continue to have, control over the situation with his W. He believes that he could never, ever possibly lose you.

How long has it been since he lived in your home Dixie? Why do you think that is? It's bc he believes that he doesn't have to buy the cow... get what I mean?

IMO, you have got to take advantage of this opportunity here. Keep pressing this. Cancel the dinner. Your H won't have any idea of what hit him!!!

You're doing great Dixie!!!! Honestly.

BITS
Denver

P.S. I hope that i wasn't too harsh with this post Dixie. I know that this stuff is hard... very, very hard. Just remember, it is easier for us to see the forest from the trees than it is for you bc we are on the outside looking in.

I am in your corner here!!
I still second Denver
You don't want to appear over excited. When he calls and sets a time and date for dinner, well guess what you have a life to and Sh!t happens. Every sitch is different of course but I think denver is right
Okay guys..I'm thinking about this...I have an appt. w/C on Tuesday. I'm gonna run it by him...

But, I do see your point. I gotta pray on this one boys..

girls???

Dix
Dixie,
This is a tough one. Part of me would cancel too, but part of me also knows that this might be some unnecessary "game playing." I don't know what to tell you. You do need to get him on the defensive as he has been messing with you for too long.

I just don't feel very good this weekend and I am even less sure about the advice I am giving out tonight. I just wanted to let you know that I am here and thinking about you.

Hey, what model plane did you fly today? I used to fly on aircraft while I was in the Navy.

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD
FOBD,

It was a Piper Sport 2 Seater. Its the new model! I loved it...

I ran it by a few folks...my friend the former WAS wife and my friends H. They think it is game playing...that in my quest to be a Godly woman/wife...that I need to go on to and meet him.

My friend said, she gets the the whole part of him wondering and getting control back ...but, the whole airplane and calling back etc...was enough. She thinks from now till Thursday that he will be thinking about how I'm out there doing stuff. How he thought I'd be home waiting on me...but, that he showed his hand when he called back last night all freaked about me not "telling" "sharing" with him.

I don't know I'm on the fence right now. Lets see what the DB Coach says. Plus, I feel like I just want to get it over with...I don't know if I can post pone it and such. I mean, if he tells me he's still done and wants a D. Then, I'll tell him that's not what I want but, I won't stop him. If he says, he wants to try again. (which I pray) Then, I'll tell him that we have to do this the right way...and set goals/time line.

But, really I just want to know one way or the other..ya know. Today, is Valentines Day...it's rough for all of us...:( So, many memories to wrestle with today.

So, I just want to tell my BITS...I'm thinking of yall and wishing you lots of love now and always in your lives!!!

BITS

"Life is short, Pray hard!"

Dixie
Dixie... I only have a minute here to respond so I apologize if this seems blunt.

You are letting your fear drive you here. You fear what will happen if you cancel that dinner on Thursday night. You fear that you will again go days without hearing from you H if you cancel. You fear that it will drive him farther away rather than draw him closer.

Do NOT let your fear drive your actions Dixie.

Listen, you know from my threads that I'm a pro at doing much of what your H has done to you... control the R/M... I feel that I am speaking from experience here. Experience from your H's side of things.

Cancel the dinner.

Happy Vday Dixie! I'm thinking of you and everyone too!

BITS
Denver
Dixie,

I share your Godly values. I need to start with that because I really believe that you and I are coming from the same place.

You need to cancel the dinner. This isn't about game playing. This is about getting the upper hand and really getting an understanding of your situation before you walk into a mine field. If you go to that dinner then you really were sitting home waiting for him. That's the impression you give because you accepted the first invitation. And maybe cancel is the wrong word... reschedule is a better word. Make it for another day.

I know you want to get "it over with." But that's an illusion. You go to this dinner and he tells you he wants a divorce. Next week, he may not. He goes to this dinner and tells you that he wants you back, if that's true you'll find out at the rescheduled meeting. But sweetie, you need some control here. And you do not need to lie and I do not agree with lying. You simply tell him that Thursday does not work for you after all and that you need to reschedule. That's it.

I, too, am very interested in what the coach has to say.

I'm praying so hard for you.

LIS
UPDATE:

Small one....H texted last night at 7p.

H: "Happy Valentines Day!"

Me: You too

I know it's not much, but I have to say I really didnt expect to hear from him in anyway. So, I guess it's something?

I did pretty good yesterday. No breakdowns, teared up only twice and laughed! I am really blessed. I had some great friends who sent me "love yous" on FB, phone calls and my parents sent me VD cards! I felt loved and cared about.

I reminded myself of all I do have. To use VD Day as a day to show my love for those that mean the most to me while I still have them! I won't let my Marriage define me anymore. It was broken. I was broken. But, GOD is putting me back together everyday. Yeah, I got some cracks still...but, super glue works wonders! LOL

BITS Have a great day!!!

Dixie

"Life is short, Pray hard!"
Good post Valentine's day everyone, I hope it was a good day for all and yes Valentine's Day is very tough for all of us going thru either separation or divorce.

Could someone please tell me what BITS stands for ?

I am taking the DB coaching and my coach is wonderful. She has been away on vacation for a while so I could not pose this question to her - which was - should I make any effort or contact on Valentine's Day to my W who simply refuses to talk about anything related to our M or any type of reconciliation - it is a NON-TOPIC - and she has said so. Actually her words were "I am not talking about this do not bring it up"

So with that attitude, I am in a quandary for sure. I decided yesterday to send her a note along with a copy of a poem that she had framed many years ago and given to me as a present. The poem hangs on our bathroom wall and I read it every day and have for the past 5 months. So in that my W gave it to me, I thought I would give it to her for VD Day - its a message of hope for the future, and friendship.

I would appreciate everyone's thoughts on if I did the right thing in giving her this poem, that she gave to me. Here it is - the words in ( ) are in the poem also.

The Ten Secrets of a Successful Relationship

-Having a wonderful partner (Which I do)
- Communicating (We try. And we'll get better)
- Being intimately involved in one another's lives (Open honest, touching, together. The closer we are the more secure I feel.)
- Being happy as individuals. ( And bringing goo things to the relationship from both directions.)

-Reaching out for dreams together (One of mine already came true: you)
- Always being there for one another (Always)
-Overlooking the few flaws (But cherishing the thousands of things that are so wonderful.)

-Remembering that rainbows follow rain (Which I'll never forget as long as I have you)

-Always sharing (Friends, families, dreams, desires. Weaving together the fabric of our lives.)
- And always caring ("Always" is a long, long time. But "always" is how I want our relationship to be.... with us loving one another, and happy and giving and as thankful as any two people could be"

and she signed in Love Always W

My W gave that poem in framed picture about 15 years ago. It breaks my heart to even write out those words because that is what her hopes and dreams were for our marriage and I messed it up big time. I am not saying that she does not have her own issues and challenges, she does, but our marriage failure is predominantly my fault. The words of the poem reflect my heart's desire, and I expressed that in a letter to her, apologizing with heartfelt sorrow for all the mistakes I have made and asking for her forgiveness, and a chance to build a new marriage founded on the rock of Christ in our lives. I told her that the poem was not a hope, but rather a prayer for our future, if we can have one. I sent that poem, and note along with some roses to her house and it was there when she arrived home from work.

In her typical fashion of communication, there was no reply, at least not yesterday nor this morning. I will be shocked to my core if she replies at all, even to acknowledge her receipt of the flowers. This is how she deals with things that she does not want to deal with, she simply ignores them and its like it never happened. After 35 years of knowing my W, I know that the next time we talk, which may be this week or two weeks from now, not sure because contact is left up to her, she will not even mention that she has the poem or the letter from me.

I know that many of us on here are on a one-way street, that being the other spouse does not have any interest in re-building a new marriage and wants out. This is my situation. In Michele's book DB - she said something that so strikes a cord with me -and that is -you (who are reading this book) are going to have to do this hard work of DB ALONE - it is almost impossible for both spouses to come to the desire for reconciliation at the same time, one of you has to start it and do the hard work and have perseverance and tolerance and hope while the other spouse has zero desire to build a future with you. Michele in her book said "Its not fair - get used to it - get to work". That is my circumstance in spades here - my W has zero interest in building a future and in fact takes all actions to the contrary - telling me to "give up - quit trying - there is no hope". My only response to that consistent message from her is the words of Winston Churchill of:

NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER - GIVE UP

Those words are on a plaque on my desk, right beside the picture of my W and I in happier times. I will NEVER give up on us, and she already has. Not easy days and nights I can assure you.

So, just getting started with the day here, thought I would share my Valentines Day with you and wonder what your thoughts are.

Should I have sent the poem to her that she sent to me, or have remained silent and let the day pass with no contact whatsoever.

Have a good day all
FL
V day was hard on me and many here, including you.

The general consensus in terms of behaviour was to not place any focus on it and not make any unwanted gestures of affection.

In most cases our spouses are not where we are. They have emotionally left us, are "done", and feel a great deal of guilt.

I hope for your sake that your act has the effect you wish it would have on your W, what she will do with your gesture is in God's hands now.

(((Firstlove)))
Thanks SC - I think yours is good advice and perhaps I should have done nothing and just left it - but I went ahead and left the poem at her place - all wrapped up as a gift for her.

I found it "interesting" that she never even opened it up - it is still sitting on her counter - unopened. I had to go over there to fetch the dogs that I look after during the day and saw thru the kitchen window that the box is just sitting there wrapped.

She is most definitely in a very very different place than me - both physically and emotionally

FL
Good Afternoon BITS!

So, I just got off the phone w/the DBing C! She is soooo awesome! BITS...everyone has to get a DBing C!

Anyways, she says that I must go to the dinner here is why:

H can only give what he initates. (Not what I do.)
H needs to SEE the changes that you are making. Can't do that by only phone, text and FB.
All contact is a good contact if I make it so. Its is a oppty.
H has expressed shock/wow factor to my changes because...ie staying calm, going dark, FB adventures and etc and what he said on phone.

That I need to go, that I have to take the oppty as this is first time he has asked since Dec when he said it was done. (I didnt ask him he ask'd me.) My goal should only be to get along and have a nice dinner and to listen to him. (Denver you did just what she was telling me!)

Even if H says something that is really hurtful to me. I must tell myself so what I can deal with that later away from here. Right now, I'm going to show compassion for what he is saying and feeling. By doing this, it allows him to say wow she is really listening and I thought she would get mad like always. Maybe I can talk to her again...maybe I want to. Thank him for him being honest and acknowledge how hard that must have been. If he starts talking...DONT INTERRUPT even if its to agree!

That I should mirror his behavior...if he hugs me, kiss or etc. But, if he pulls a way or acts distant, then I should keep cool also.

I must set low expectations...It doesnt matter if H doesnt want to go to C. I can make the changes for me...H will see this and will then make the choice to move forward or walk away.

Don't argue about the facts...nobody wins...

That I must show him what he is missing: being positive, happy, calm during the interaction.

That if I feel like I'm getting upset or mad. To pay attention to the my "yellow" light warning signs. Then, if I can excuse myself to the bathroom and calm myself. But, H must not see this! If I can't get up at the moment....use "Thought Stopping" Tell myself..NO-Don't go there! I can wear a rubber band on my risk out of his sight. Under the table just pop it everytime I get freaked...LOVED that idea!

Finally, even if he says he wants a D. It means nothing it does not mean it will happen..it's still not over....I should say..I dont want a Divorce but, I wont stand in your way. However, if he wants to discuss details of the D. That I should say, I will not participate in the D. If that's what you want you will have to proceed without my assistance.

So, there it is BITS....I feel prepared for it no matter what on Thursday. Please keep us in your prayers.

Sorry for the typo's typing from the phone...

Dixie
Well then the DB couch has spoken. Who is your coach dixie? I think she has given you great advice
I am praying so hard for you, Dixie. I am so happy that you are feeling good about this. I am so glad the coach gave you that confidence. You flew an airplane, Dixie. How freaking awesome is that??? You should have confidence!
Well Dixie... I can't argue with your DB Coach. She/he is the expert. That all sounds like very good advice.

I will also encourage you to really keep that "excusing yourself to the bathroom" idea in mind when you go. I used that during my dinner with W when I began to feel emotional. It helped. A LOT.

BITS
Denver
Dixie

I think you got good and valid advice from your DB coach. And as to the spouse, be it either H or W, I agree 100% that we should never participate in the destruction of our marriage and our family, because that is what divorce does, it destroys. I know that my wife sees divorce as the ONLY solution to our problems- and she won't even talk for 2 minutes about them or go to counseling with me - her ONLY course of action is this

1. Stay away with on contact
2. Never talk
3. Refuse to go for counseling
4. Divorce is the only answer to the problem

that is my challenge here. I will not participate in the destruction of my marriage and family - if my W wants that, she is going to have to do that 100% on her own. I will not even agree to sign D papers if it comes to that. If she serves me with D papers, I will merely throw them out. Somehow I don't think I am going to be put into jail for that and I don't think that God will be disappointed with me for not tearing down that which He created even though my wife wants to. Basically I am taking the attitude that its ME AND GOD against the W - two against one - and I am counting on my team to win the day.

FL
whoops Item 1 above was supposed to be

1. Stay away without contact
Thanks BITS! 2Step my coach is Joanne! She is just so great...she books up fast so give her a call...

Ya know, I take lots of notes while the coach is talking to me. Then, I re-read and re-write it all out. So, to soak it all in. I gotta tell ya...the C said, that I am ready. She feels I am ready either way. Yall know what? I think so too.

Now, don't get me wrong I'm scared still. But, like Firstlove said. I'm walking in that place w/GOD on my side and all the BITS! I'm gonna arrive a bit early and go over my notes and pray. Then walk in and remind him of the girl he fell in love with all those years ago by my actions & responses.

Denver, I thought about you alot and how you did almost what she was saying to the letter. You didnt show your hurt, anger and etc. till you got home in private. You listened and let her talk. Your my Hero Denver...I'm gonna go in that joint and show H who he is walking away from the new me (old me, that I use to be). If he still walks away...that's alright cause, I'm still taking me back!

I'm gonna make it one way or another...All the BITS are going too. I pray for all our Marriages to be SAVED! I know we can't make our spouses choose us..but, I wont give my H the excuse he needs to D me either. I can only control my behavior and how I respond. If he chooses D, it's because of the lies he has told himself. Not, because of how I showed him anger, resentfulness or was aloof. I'm showing him LOVE in it's purest form.

So, 48 hours till count down...

Ps. LIS Thanks for keeping me in your prayers!

BITS
xoxo

Dixie

"Life is short, Pray hard"
Dixie

Just my two cents worth here as you go to the dinner showing your H the "new" Dixie. No matter what he says - you show the following

FIRST
Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind. Henry James

SECOND
One of the main things that my W maintains without reservation is that it is literally IMPOSSIBLE for me to change and I will always be the self-centered controlling manipulative person she sees me as being. One of my prayers is that irregardless of what she says, does or in fact does not do, that in everything I say and do she will see the Fruits of the Spirit living thru my actions and my words. As you well know the Fruits of the Spirit are;

Love, Peace, Faithfulness, Joy Goodness, Gentleness, Patience, Self-control and Kindness.

We all have opportunities each and every day to exhibit these fruits with everyone we come into contact with.

So my advice to you on the dinner with your H - is be a FRUITY as possible smile - but you know what I mean. Irrespective of what he says or does not say or do, let him see the Fruit on your tree of life, and if he does decide to D he will see what he is walking away from and will be missing in his life should he choose to make that very grave error in his life.

Just my two cents worth here

FL
Firstlove... I LOVE IT!!!! Thank you so much...I'm gonna go in Fruity!!

Your in the BITS now..."Boys/Babes in the S*it" Or "Boys/Babes in tough S#it"...

Welcome to the club!! smile
I think that sounds great Dixie! I can't wait to hear how it goes for you! I feel really confident for you though...

Firstlove... that was great advice...

And yes, and open invite into the BITS club!

BITS
Denver
Thanks Denver and Dixie - I feel all flushy here being part of the BITS - is there like a badge or hat or jacket that we can all wear ?

Seriously though, FRUITS-R-US -that is the attitude that I am taking with my W, she cannot believe that anyone can change, especially me, so every chance I get I am going to be as fruity as I can be. They say that California is the land of fruits and nuts, so I choose to be one of the fruits and she can be one of the nuts I suppose.

BITS r Us

Firstlove
Dixie

Here is a suggestion for you and it might be fun. Go to a store that sells those little plastic dinner plate ornaments and see if you can find a small plastic fruit thingy - small enough that you can put it in your purse, or even take it out and put it on the table beside your plate - to remind you of the Fruits of the Spirit during your dinner - just like snapping the elastic band on your wrist thing -only this will be more FUN. If you have a little banana, apple or pear sitting there during dinner you H is going to look at that and go "what is that for ???" - if he asks you can just say something like "inspiration" and leave him wondering WHAT has gotten into you. You can just sit there and smile peacefully knowing that its YOU AND GOD sitting there across from him - he does not stand a chance against the two of you.

If you go into this dinner with a smile in your heart and actually have some fun with it - I will guarantee you one thing - he is going to be leaving that dinner thinking to himself -WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO THAT WOMAN ??? and what's with the happy face on her ???? He will go home thinking about you - and CONFUSED - this is a good thing.

Messing with his mind a bit never hurt - as long as its done with love -which you have in spades.

Good on ya girl - go get em.

FL

FL
DG:

My fellow BITS! I just got caught up on your sitch. It sounds like you had a super session with your DB coach. I wish I could afford a session myself. SHe gave you fantatastic advice and I think your are going to kick some major booty on Thurs!! Your H is going to be so confused because he's expecting the OLD version of DG. The new one will have him scratching his head in utter amazement; like wtf?!!!

And I am so jealous you flew a plane!!! How freakin' cool is that?!!!
FL:

I resonate with your posts. All the things our W feels that you lised is the exact same that my H feels. I will admit that I am not an overly religious person, BUT, I loved the Fruits of the Spirit and the idea of finding a small plastic fruit thing, putting it on the table etc. It's very cleaver in a very positive way. I think I may try to find one in a dollar store just as a reminder for myself and how far I've come on this unwanted journey. Having said that, this unwanted journey has forced me to better represent myself everyday.

Welcome to the BITS btw...!
Zeng

Hey - how fun would that be - all of us BITS out buying cheap plastic pieces of fruit for our next meeting with our DB targets - we could start a revolution - we could put Fruit of the Loom out of business by being DB Fruits of the Spirit - lets start a club smile

On your not being overly "religious" either am I - I am not much a fan of "religion" and all of its trappings. I like to think of myself more as a follower of Christ and the hope that He has for us to live an abundant life. Truth be known, Christ was not a fan of "religion" either -that was at the very foundation of his message of freedom. That is another story though.

Lets just say this about that - I think we all could do little wrong if we just practice all of those Fruits in all of our relationships, be it with our spouses or with the person at the grocery store or at the gas station - irrespective of where we find others and our interactions with them, the Fruits are a good thing - in my opinion.

We could start a new forum group here and just call ourselves "The Fruits" and have everyone else on here try to figure us out - how FUN would that be smile It would be like "those people in the "Fruits" forum are NUTS !!!!

Just saying here - goodness, compassion and generosity beget goodness, compassion and generosity - what would become of us all if that became an epidemic in our lives - things would just get out of control !!!!!

Many of us are on "unwanted journeys" but if we are lucky -we all might learn a thing or two on the way. What I like about the forums and people being open and honest here is that there are like souls in like boats as it were.

Here is a quote for the day

"Friendship is born at that moment when you say - What ? - you too - I thought I was the only one"
- C.S. Lewis

Therein lies the fabric of the BITS - and I am proud to be a member with fellow Bravehearts such as you all.

FL
Originally Posted By: Firstlove

"Friendship is born at that moment when you say - What ? - you too - I thought I was the only one"
- C.S. Lewis

Therein lies the fabric of the BITS - and I am proud to be a member with fellow Bravehearts such as you all.


Love the quote FL... the only requirement to be a member of the BITS is that you have the 'sign'... either sign off BITS... or have it in your signature! smile

BITS
Denver
Denver

Got it

How's this
We should become BITS of Fruit! LOL....cheesy, I know but at the same time it is kind of cute! ;-)
Originally Posted By: Firstlove
Zeng

Hey - how fun would that be - all of us BITS out buying cheap plastic pieces of fruit for our next meeting with our DB targets - we could start a revolution - we could put Fruit of the Loom out of business by being DB Fruits of the Spirit - lets start a club smile

On your not being overly "religious" either am I - I am not much a fan of "religion" and all of its trappings. I like to think of myself more as a follower of Christ and the hope that He has for us to live an abundant life. Truth be known, Christ was not a fan of "religion" either -that was at the very foundation of his message of freedom. That is another story though.

Lets just say this about that - I think we all could do little wrong if we just practice all of those Fruits in all of our relationships, be it with our spouses or with the person at the grocery store or at the gas station - irrespective of where we find others and our interactions with them, the Fruits are a good thing - in my opinion.

We could start a new forum group here and just call ourselves "The Fruits" and have everyone else on here try to figure us out - how FUN would that be smile It would be like "those people in the "Fruits" forum are NUTS !!!!

Just saying here - goodness, compassion and generosity beget goodness, compassion and generosity - what would become of us all if that became an epidemic in our lives - things would just get out of control !!!!!

Many of us are on "unwanted journeys" but if we are lucky -we all might learn a thing or two on the way. What I like about the forums and people being open and honest here is that there are like souls in like boats as it were.

Here is a quote for the day

"Friendship is born at that moment when you say - What ? - you too - I thought I was the only one"
- C.S. Lewis

Therein lies the fabric of the BITS - and I am proud to be a member with fellow Bravehearts such as you all.

FL


You have great insight FL. Your perspective is dead on. I'm going to print the fruits of the spirit and put it on my desk for reference daily. It's yet another positive message.

WELCOME to the BITS! Looking forward to getting to know you thru these wonderful boards.
Zenygypsy

Never let a good suggestion go to waste I say

Maaaaavalous - simply maaaaavalous
Zenggypsy

Having Fruits irrespective of the situation one finds oneself in is much like

Singing in the Rain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmCpOKtN8ME

enjoy - Mr. Kelly had it right on this one
Remember his words

"From where I stand - the sun is shining all over the place"

its an attitude - and it will confuse the naysayers in our lives

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"

Now, get out there gang - sing and dance - in the rain
Zenygypsy

Just one more thing - when you print out those Fruits and they come barging in with their long faces, remember to

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FW02c5UNGl0&feature=related

Try it - it works

Now -THAT'S entertainment gang
Good luck with your dinner tomorrow night Dixie!

You're going to great and be just fine!!

BITS
Denver
Good Morning BITS,

So, tonight is the dinner/meeting w/ my H. I feel prepared and I feel GOD is with me/for me. Last night at Church Choir I had an amazing time. Several of the ladies prayed for me and I felt at peace for the first time in months.

I'm nervous but, I'm gonna look over my DBing notes from the Coach and my Bible throught out the day to keep me grounded and centered. Dinner is not till 7p. But, I'm leaving work at 4p so I can come home and take my time getting ready. Plus, I want to calm myself and etc.

Whatever happens tonight my fellow BITS, I want to Thank you for standing by me and holding me up. Yall are such a blessing to me!

This is not the path I would've have chosen. But, I feel now that it's part of my journey in life. (We are all growing through this crisis time.) I think, if this would not have happened I'd still be going through life the way I was. I didn't like her much. I missed the real me as much as I missed the H.

So, tonight my goal is simple for me. To show H that I'm back and have a peaceful time with him. Regardless of what he says. I choose JOY over Sorrow!

So, my BITS please keep me and H in your prayers today/tonight?! I need all the prayer warriors I can get!

GOD has it all under control,

Dixie

BITS
I just wanted to stop by and wish you luck tonight.

Actually not luck...

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity

There is prepared and unprepared.

You are prepared so you don't need luck.

Have fun tonight and stay focused
Dixie,

I am praying so hard for you, girl. I know that you can do this and I know that you are ready.

God does have it all under control. That is the most important thing to remember. And you have a huge prayer circle around you and that just does wonders.

Please, as soon as you can, let us know what happens tonight?

I'm praying for you!

LIS
UPDATE BITS:

H just called.

Cancelled Dinner tonight, said he got called into work. Said, with the storm last week and out being sick. That he could'nt tell them no.

He said, "I'm so sorry I know you made time in your schedule to meet with me."

"I won't know till Saturday what next day off they will give me. But, can we reschedule for next week?"

Me: Sure, just let me know I have a lot going on. Thanks for letting me know.

H: Can you talk? Are you in your office?

Me: Sure.

H: Oh, you just sound so business. I didnt want to bother you if you had someone in your office at work.

Me: No, I just have a lot going on today.

H: Well, Again I'm real sorry about Dinner. You got a minute?

Me: Sure

H: Started talking about Dog and how he took her to the park and met a guy w/a male great dane. How it's our dogs new boyfriend and how cute they were....repeated his story about her in the snow. (He told me this last time)

Me: That's funny.

H: Yeah, I took some pictures/video on my phone of her I want to show you. They are real cute.

Me: I'd like to see them.

H: So, do you think you would like to see Dog again and keep her for a bit?

Me: Sure, I always miss her.

H: (Laughed) Yeah, think she misses her Mommie she's been acting crazy. (Laughed)

H: Okay, well I guess I'll go talk to later, have a good day.

Me: Okay, have fun at work.

H: Yea, Fun (laugh).

H: Okay, have a good day. Bye


So, there it is folks. No dinner this evening....I don't know what to think. Part of me thinks its all a lie. The other thinks he is telling the truth. (I mean his work has called him before, except on his day off if he see's the phone number he won't answer cause he knows they are calling him in)

It was odd though, cause he was being very nice about it. I could tell that he was driving...

I don't know what I feel right now. Disappointment, relief, a little anger, grateful, sad and little happy too.

What do yall think BITS?
Dixie,

I am so sorry and I know that you are disappointed. Couple of things that jumped out at me:

1) He was being nice. Are you sure all he wanted to ask you about was the dog? I mean, did it sound like he wanted to say something else to you.

2) Ok, this REALLY jumped out to me. He referred to you as mommy. Now, that's what my H did in relation to my cats too. BUT when things went bad, he didn't say that anymore. I was either YOU or LIS.

Other than that, not sure what to think about it. I am glad you kept your composure and did not sound upset at all. Part of me is happy that you were businesslike and that sounded as if it bothered him. Part of me is a little disappointed that you didn't get the chance to cancel first.

I am sorry, Dixie. Let's wait until Saturday and see if he reschedules. Asking about the dog visiting really has me intrigured.

I'm praying for you.

LIS
Originally Posted By: dixiegal
He said, "I'm so sorry I know you made time in your schedule to meet with me."

"I won't know till Saturday what next day off they will give me. But, can we reschedule for next week?"

Me: Sure, just let me know I have a lot going on. Thanks for letting me know.

H: Can you talk? Are you in your office?

Me: Sure.

H: Oh, you just sound so business. I didnt want to bother you if you had someone in your office at work.

Me: No, I just have a lot going on today.

H: Well, Again I'm real sorry about Dinner. You got a minute?

Me: Sure

H: Started talking about Dog and how he took her to the park and met a guy w/a male great dane. How it's our dogs new boyfriend and how cute they were....repeated his story about her in the snow. (He told me this last time)

Me: That's funny.

H: Yeah, I took some pictures/video on my phone of her I want to show you. They are real cute.

Me: I'd like to see them.

H: So, do you think you would like to see Dog again and keep her for a bit?

Me: Sure, I always miss her.

H: (Laughed) Yeah, think she misses her Mommie she's been acting crazy. (Laughed)

H: Okay, well I guess I'll go talk to later, have a good day.

Me: Okay, have fun at work.

H: Yea, Fun (laugh).

H: Okay, have a good day. Bye


First off Dixie, if you are accurately describing the words you used in that conversation, that is one of the best jobs of DBing that I've seen. Very well played. "I am busy" not once, but twice!? Zing... Absolutely awesome!

He is wondering what is going on with you. No question in my mind.

Keep doing this Dixie! It is working. Do what WORKS!

Originally Posted By: dixiegal
So, there it is folks. No dinner this evening....I don't know what to think.

What do yall think BITS?


Don't sweat it Dixie! I wouldn't worry about it one bit. I know that it is disappointing, but he was probably being truthful. But it doesn't matter. What matters is what else happened in the conversation that you had on the phone.

It does make me wish that you had cancelled the dinner though. There is a part of me that still thinks that you should have. Maybe next go around.

He still thinks that he has control. But the worm is turning.

BITS
Denver
Denver & LIS,

Thank yall so much! I do feel good at how I handled it! I was pretty calm and matter of fact. I wasnt acting busy, I really was when he called. I only dashed in my office because, I heard his ring tone on my iphone. LOL

I forgot to mention I even laughed when he was telling the story of how the Dog has a new boyfriend. He was describing the male great dane as a big on muscles not so smart type.

Now, that I have had a few moments to think about it.....maybe it just isnt in GOD timing right now? I mean, in the past I could've seen myself falling apart and crying. Yall know what? Not a tear here, not even a feeling of I want to cry?! Who knew that would EVER happen?! So, I guess that's good right?

But, LIS is right. Who cares if he was lying or not. Let's see if I hear from him again this weekend with a offer to still reschedule. I'm just gonna keep on trucking...Monday is a holiday for us. So.....

I have a lot of musician friends...I use to sing with them all back in the day. One of my ole buddies has been asking me to come sit in with them for a set or two. I hadnt felt like singing any blues songs, r & b for a while. But, yall know I kinda feel like I could belt out a few this weekend. Lord knows I could do some writing again... I mean I got REAL material now! LOL



Thank yall BITS-yall are the best ever!

BITS

Dixie
Dixie,

I would do almost anything to hear you sing right now!! I bet it's beautiful especially since you are in such a good place.

Yes, sweetie, God is absolutely in control and it is all in His timing. But what a work He's done on your heart! Look at you! And yes, it IS a good thing. You have got so much to be proud of!!!!

And I am proud to walk with you right now!!! I'm praying for you!

LIS
DG:

Well, well Miss Thang!!!! VERY nice job with H. Cool as a cucumber, handled with finesse and the best DB attitude.

I'm sorry he cancelled dinner on you - sounds like more of a postponment. I know you were really looking forward to it. For some reason, the timing still wasn't right. Don't look too much into it. You'll get your chance.

You done good kid! Proud BITS!!
Quote:
Can you talk?


Good

Quote:
You got a minute?

Very Good

Quote:
How it's our dogs new boyfriend and how cute they were...


Excellent!!

I'll give you a cookie if you can figure out why..
2step,

what kind? Oreo's and Milk...I'm a simple girl! LOL
How was your day, Dixie?
UPDATE:

So, yesterday was a CRAZY day at work....I was throughly pisst and disappointed by another associates display of character.

Anyhoo, a few of my girlfriends whom all had a rough day too invited me for Drinks and Dinner. So, I went. I had a great time.

I posted on my FB "2Day was a Killa, SOOO looking forward 2 Drinks & Dinner 2night!"

I got home around midnight and went to bed!

When I woke up I saw this text message from H.

H: "I miss you Dixie!"

He sent it at 12:57a - (he's at work at that time or just getting off)


So, I responded a few moments ago.

Me: Miss u 2


Okay BITS! Give me your feedback!!!
Dixie

THIS is a miracle, do you know how many times I have prayed to receive a text like that from my WAW ?

He has you in his heart my friend, and you did exactly the right thing, by not playing it - but just responding with honesty.

So, have you heard anything from your response yet ?

Very excited for you here
Dixie

I am having my own moment of encouragement here myself today so believe me when I say I share in your joy and your hope for the future, I have a bit of hope going myself here this morning.

Isn't "hope" such an amazing gift - we can do all things with just the smallest bit of hope. I am reminded of the miners in Chile who were trapped for 17 days and they had no hope, they did not even know if the people on the surface knew that they were alive. Then on the 17th day, a small hole was bored into their tomb, and a message came back to the surface that all 33 miners were in fact alive and safe with the message of "Los 33". The WORLD rejoiced at that news, and there was renewed hope for a rescue - just the "hope" electrified the nation of Chile, and in fact the entire world, we all sat on the edge of our seats as we watched that miraculous rescue happen before our very eyes. Those miners continued on their journey for the next 69 days, because they had hope for their future.

Your text from your H saying that he missed you, and yours in return to him with the same message, was your "Los 33" glimmer of hope for the future. Have another look BITS, its a good message for us all

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tricBoHDzDk

Here is my miner's hat off to you Dixie, for faith, hope and a miraculous rescue.

Well done
Originally Posted By: dixiegal

H: "I miss you Dixie!"

So, I responded a few moments ago.

Me: Miss u 2


Ok Dixie... first, that is wonderful. And it shows that what you are doing is working!!!

But you've got to keep doing it!!

Now the 2x4...

Never tell the WAS that you love them or that you MISS them when you are in LRT.

You, Dixie, are most definitely in LRT...

Your H is wondering what is going on inside your head Dixie...

He was wondering last night... "Does Dixie even miss me anymore?"

This scares him...

BC HE knows... that if you STOP missing him... you can then go on with your life...

Without him.

THIS is what we want!!

-------

You shouldn't have told him that you missed him too...

No response... or "thanks" would have been much, much better.

BUT... what you are doing is working Dixie!! And this is exciting!!

Just keep playing to win Dixie...

Your H is on the ropes... have that killer instinct Dixie.

BITS
Denver
FirstLove,

Thank you so much for your words of support and hope. I'm praying for you and all the other BITS. Don't give up EVER! I know now that GOD is working on H (and me.) Really on all of us. I don't know what is going to happen but, I am really okay with it for the first time. I'm a type A person...so, the lesson was hard. But, I've learned to REALLY give it to GOD. He has it all under control.

I'm focusing on changing me, being a better person. Being the person that GOD has always meant me to be. I'm focusing on what makes my soul happy. Music, Travel, Adventures, The Outdoors, Animals, Sports venues, Reading, Cooking and being creative. Sadly, those things had become lost to me.

So, my fab BITS I'm gonna pray that we all find what makes our souls shine!

BITS

Dixie
Denver,

I just re-read LRT...Ugh...your right!

Okay, I got a 3 day weekend...so let's see what adventure I can kick up!

BITS

Dixie
Posted By: grr Re: Need Advice!! Not sure on next move? Part 2 - 02/19/11 04:43 PM
dixie...the text he sent you is great news

denver is right

next time just write "thanks" if anything

but i don't think there was any real damage done
probably none at all

just go have a fun weekend and try not to focus too much on the text

but enjoy the feeling of this victory

use it to make yourself stronger because you know what you are doing is working
Posted By: Bolt Re: Need Advice!! Not sure on next move? Part 2 - 02/19/11 04:54 PM
very nice Dixie!
That text is huge and doesn't it make you feel good?

I agree with Denver but don't beat yourself up because you responded. Just move on and keep doing what you are doing.

He's curious for sure!
Dixie -- I am so happy for you! Has anything else happened since then? Need updates! smile My sister told me this morning in a phone call that she thinks it silly that I'm still hoping with what's going on right now, but you, Dixie, remind me that God is in control - surprising things do and can happen,.
Dixie
You my friend are on the CORRECT PATH - and remember that God has a plan for us all, and that is a plan to prosper and a future with hope.

You go girl
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