Separated but living in the same house - 12/30/10 07:46 PM
Hello everyone. I'm struggling and could use some advice.
About a week ago, after pushing him to admit something was wrong, my husband said he was thinking about leaving. He said he had checked out long ago and had feelings for a girl at work that's 8 years younger than him. (We're both 29).
I had went through sexual abuse therapy a while back, and during that time, I was not a good wife and wasn't there for him. At the time, he said he understood that had to happen for me to heal, and that he was there to support me and would never leave. Turns out he couldn't support me, and working through my therapy caused him to pull away from me, and now he doesn't even want to try to work it out.
He says he wants to be alone, on his own, because that feels right. I think he's hung on to his own emotional baggage for so long that he can no longer take on both his problems and the responsibilities of a marriage and family. He just wants to start over fresh with no ties. He's done this his whole life every time life gets too hard for him.
It makes me angry. I started therapy and kept with it because I wanted to save our marriage. He doesn't care enough to want to do that.
He seems conflicted. One minute, I'm talking to a man who says he loves me but doesn't know if he's in love with me. Next minute, he's saying love's not enough.
I have just gotten to the point where I can be a great wife to him, and now he doesn't want to bother. Had I known this was going on, we would've done counseling together so we could have made it work. But he just bottled it up and acted like he was fine, and the whole time I had no clue.
We've agreed to a separation. Problem right now is that he has no job & no way to support himself and my stepson. I can't just kick him out of the house since it's his house too, but it hurts too much having him here.
I want him back. I know he can be a great husband as long as he is willing to work on himself and the marriage. I don't know how to be around him or how to act. I think he's just suffering from "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome and I hope he comes to his senses. I just wish there was something I could do that would help. I want to hold my ground and be strong, and I want him to see how the life he has envisioned for himself is not as great as he thinks it's going to be, but I don't want to push him away either.
Any advice? I'm going to see my counselor on Monday, but anything that can get me through til them would really help. He says he doesn't like who I am now, a jaded, cynical person who's unaffectionate and distant. I'm not like that anymore, but since he's not here, he doesn't see that. And any time I try to be different, he says it doesn't feel "right". Help!
About a week ago, after pushing him to admit something was wrong, my husband said he was thinking about leaving. He said he had checked out long ago and had feelings for a girl at work that's 8 years younger than him. (We're both 29).
I had went through sexual abuse therapy a while back, and during that time, I was not a good wife and wasn't there for him. At the time, he said he understood that had to happen for me to heal, and that he was there to support me and would never leave. Turns out he couldn't support me, and working through my therapy caused him to pull away from me, and now he doesn't even want to try to work it out.
He says he wants to be alone, on his own, because that feels right. I think he's hung on to his own emotional baggage for so long that he can no longer take on both his problems and the responsibilities of a marriage and family. He just wants to start over fresh with no ties. He's done this his whole life every time life gets too hard for him.
It makes me angry. I started therapy and kept with it because I wanted to save our marriage. He doesn't care enough to want to do that.
He seems conflicted. One minute, I'm talking to a man who says he loves me but doesn't know if he's in love with me. Next minute, he's saying love's not enough.
I have just gotten to the point where I can be a great wife to him, and now he doesn't want to bother. Had I known this was going on, we would've done counseling together so we could have made it work. But he just bottled it up and acted like he was fine, and the whole time I had no clue.
We've agreed to a separation. Problem right now is that he has no job & no way to support himself and my stepson. I can't just kick him out of the house since it's his house too, but it hurts too much having him here.
I want him back. I know he can be a great husband as long as he is willing to work on himself and the marriage. I don't know how to be around him or how to act. I think he's just suffering from "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome and I hope he comes to his senses. I just wish there was something I could do that would help. I want to hold my ground and be strong, and I want him to see how the life he has envisioned for himself is not as great as he thinks it's going to be, but I don't want to push him away either.
Any advice? I'm going to see my counselor on Monday, but anything that can get me through til them would really help. He says he doesn't like who I am now, a jaded, cynical person who's unaffectionate and distant. I'm not like that anymore, but since he's not here, he doesn't see that. And any time I try to be different, he says it doesn't feel "right". Help!