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Posted By: DCSUK What to do now?? - 11/05/10 12:37 PM
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2071135#Post2071135

I have been told to start a new thread as the old one was too long!

Anyway quick update, wife left me, stripped house, took 2 kids, renting a house close to our home I'm in.

I was not there for her, verbally abusive, stressed out, now on anti-deppressants, and not drinking at all.

We text/Talk about the kids, but thats about it, no mention of D, but no mention of getting back together?

So I have moved on, I'm exercising, lost weight, more happier, probs my meds, re-decorating house, getting out more with friends, and generally becoming a better person!

Anyway, there is a girl from work who I have always got on with, she is only 29, I'm 39, she is very very attractive, and all the guys have tried to take her out to no avail.

Yesterday we were just talking generally, and she asked what was going on with me, weight loss, my attitude, my happiness, etc, she even asked if my wife was pregnant!!!

I told her in confidence what had happened, told her it's not looking good for us, but I'm working on me, trying to be a better and "getting a life"!!

She was totally shocked, but I was even more so, when she asked as I was single would I be interested taking her for a drink sometime!!!!!

She then told me she had always found me attractive, but I was a "happily" married man, and she never let her feelings known!

I was totally taken back, she is stunning, goes to the gym 4-5 times a week, has a choice of men, and asked me out?

I said give me the weekend to think about it, I didn't want to mess her about and would tell her on Monday, she was fine about it and understood totally.

What do I do now?, I want my marriage to work, but my wife doesn't, I need to GAL, I have, but with the changes I have female attention!, if I take her out it could totally ruin any chance of my marriage ever getting back on track, but if it is over, why not move on and go for a drink?

Totally confused?????
Posted By: Starsky309 Re: What to do now?? - 11/05/10 01:17 PM

Actually (and sadly), going out for a drink with her will most likely result in your wife coming RUNNING BACK TO YOU. I've seen it a million times.

That still doesn't answer your moral/ethical dilemna, but I just wanted to point that out.

Starsky
Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive Re: What to do now?? - 11/05/10 01:43 PM
dc,
As long as your up front with this girl about the get together,
going out for a drink with her is OK. One your getting your confidence back(Huge has far as being attractive) and two your W will get jealous. Like Starsky said, she will come back to you.

I'm living proof of that scenario.

People want what they can't have.
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/05/10 01:52 PM
Thanks for your thoughts guys, if i go i will be doing it for me, not to make her jealous or to make her come back

This is a seriously attractive woman, i know we get on really well, i might actually be frightened of where it leads!!!

Up to now i'm going for it,but that might change by monday!!
Posted By: DanF Re: What to do now?? - 11/05/10 01:56 PM
Go for a drink, but let this girl know that at this time, you ultimately still want things to work out with your wife and family, even though you think that things don't look so good at the moment. You go out, enjoy her company and wait to see what happens next. Can you do this without leading her on and getting emotionally attached? I don't know your whole sitch, so maybe listen to those who do, but I don't think there is anything wrong with having a drink with her.

Good luck. Wish I was in your position!! I may just run off with the new girl at this point! I see you registered in '07. Has this mess been going on for that long?
Posted By: soleil Re: What to do now?? - 11/05/10 02:27 PM
Originally Posted By: DCSUK
She was totally shocked, but I was even more so, when she asked as I was single would I be interested taking her for a drink sometime!!!!!


You did tell her you are still married right? Cause you're not single, DC.

I say, go out, enjoy yourself, but dont' do anything you regret. A D hasn't even been filed in your case...
Posted By: Steve McQueen Re: What to do now?? - 11/05/10 03:02 PM
The girl knew already that you were having marital problems and going through a divorce. This stuff does not go over your female co-workers heads. talk. talk. talk. guys talk about girls. girls talk about guys. Everybody knows everybody elses business and what they don't know they make up.


You got hit on. It doesnt have to lead anywhere, it doesnt mean your wife will coming running back. It doesn't mean a thing !!!!!!!!!! It's call socially interacting with other people. You know, talking, laughing, shooting the $hit. Would you be more comfortable if this occurred in a work group happy hour setting?

from your earlier postings:

Originally Posted By: DCSUK
She has told me I'm a loner, who does not interact, aggressive in the way I speak, don't do anything with her as a couple, I have mood swings, and she has had enough, I cannot argue with anything she has said, but I'm totally lost without her?


I know alot of people don't like hearing this but I also know alot of people don't have a lot of success positively interacting with their spouses. If what you are doing is not working try something different.

Learning how to interact with other people will develop your skills with how to interact with your spouse.
Posted By: pookie69 Re: What to do now?? - 11/05/10 03:07 PM
Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen
Learning how to interact with other people will develop your skills with how to interact with your spouse.


Agree. I see nothing wrong with practicing your Cary Grant moves elsewhere. Lot safer that way. smile
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/08/10 12:16 PM
I'm still un-decided, I have let the girl know and she is fine about it and understands totally.

I really want to move on with my life, but in that life I want my wife besides me!!

Moving on, I had the kids loads this weekend, had a really good time, when I dropped them off, wife asked if I still wanted them for 3 nights a week, I said yes instantly and we have agreed nights, not sure if this is any progress but I get to see the kids more!!

I picked my son up yesterday morning for football, and she came to the door while I was waiting for him, and chatted, she even made a joke and laughed!!

When I dropped him off, she came out to meet him, she doesn't usually come out at all, I rarely see her!!, but before she could say anything to me I drove off.

So thats 3 times in 2 days she has come out, made conversation twice and didn't get the chance to make it on the third.

Then last night she sent a couple of texts about the kids, basically confirming what we had already agreed, I just answered in 1 word answers, am I looking for something thats not there!, she is initiating some contact, not a lot, but something!

The kids are happy to spend more time with me, could this have any effect on her, could this soften her to me?

Not sure, nothing I can do, just going to carry on with what I'm doing, at least we are not arguing, and I see the kids more!

I feel pretty good about myself at the moment, I feel better than I have in years, lost weight, working out, getting asked on dates, and seeing loads of my kids, without missing my wife, things are going well for me.!!
Posted By: robx Re: What to do now?? - 11/08/10 12:47 PM
Originally Posted By: DCSUK
...I'm still un-decided,


totally unattractive,
be a man,
make a decision,
none of this sitting on fence crap.

You probably did this a lot with your wife during your marriage, she would ask you if you wanted to do this, that or the other thing and you would say "I don't know..." or "maybe we should think about it some more..." or even "whatever you like I'm fine with it"

Women don't like that.

Women like Men who can make decisions, who can be decisive, who can lead, show the way, etc.

Your female co-worker is asking you out for a drink,
go have a drink, it's not rocket science.

You go out, interact with her, get used to what being an attractive man is all about, go out in a public setting, with another woman, get used to talking to her, get used to listening to whatever she has to say, ask her questions and let her talk to you, let her explain her life to you, women love to talk to people who engage them in this way, show some interest but don't be a puppy dog.

You don't get it but your wife probably didn't get this type of interaction from you, it's probably why she wants it from someone else.

We're not telling you to go out and have sex with this co-worker, not telling you to hump the first skirt you come in contact with, not telling you to grab her and make her sit on your lap and stain your trousers, it's a drink, in a public setting. It's good for you to get used to doing this, like Steve said, "social interaction", you don't have these skills obviously and you need them. You admitted yourself, your wife comes out, tries to talk a little and you run away like a scared little girl.

Where in DB does it say run away from your spouse if she tries to talk to you?

Yeah, I get it, be busy, have places to be, yes that's what it says, part of the whole GAL thing. But if someone wants to say Hi and pump out a few sentences, it's ok, you're allowed to listen a bit, heck you might even enjoy the interaction.

This isn't just about following a list of items on your db to-do list and getting your spouse back, it's learning how to be a human being again, a successful one at that. Learning how to interact with people, being strong and confident, displaying confident body language, this isn't just about losing weight and putting on cologne and SHAZAM! your marriage is back. There's a lot more going on behind the scenes, time for you to get more informed on this process or you'll still be here several months from now asking what else you should be doing.

just my 0.02 cents
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/08/10 12:56 PM
Thanks for holding back!!!!

Totally agree with everything you have said, thanks!!!
Posted By: robx Re: What to do now?? - 11/08/10 01:30 PM
;-)
Posted By: WalkingMan Re: What to do now?? - 11/08/10 02:19 PM
Keep it up DC! Dont forget, this is a roller-coaster and things can change at the drop of a hat.
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/09/10 11:07 AM
Picked the kids up last night, and she came out again with the kids bags and put them in the car, this is a first, we talked a little, she was looking me up and down, as much as she could I was sitting down, it was all polite and nice, kids are great, If there is one thing that I can take as a massive positive from this break is that I have become a much better father, and they have responded by showing me love in ways they have never before, my daughter tells me she loves me and misses me all the time, before we just argued, she is only 8!!!

My wife had just finished work but looked great, when I got home, I thought about if she was a male friend of mine, what would I say, and to be honest, I would probably tell a friend if they looked good, this is also something she has said in the past that I never gave her any compliments, so I sent her a text saying she looked great tonight, I know it can be seen as pursuing, but its something I would do to a male friend, if it is pursing well I did something wrong, but I feel good about doing it and hopefully she will.

She never responded, so I don't know how she feels about it, but I was honest and it was a big 180 for me.
Posted By: soleil Re: What to do now?? - 11/09/10 02:18 PM
Women like to be told they look nice. If she didn't respond... meh, don't sweat it.
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/09/10 02:44 PM
I'm ok with her not responding, i didn't do it get a response, it was how she looked?

Another issue is it's our anniversary later this month, how should i play it? Do i ask her out, buy her a present, i just don't know what to do?
Cannot believe 2 years ago we renewed our vows on a beach in mexico!!!
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/10/10 02:47 PM
Any thoughts on the anniversary guys??

I really don't want to mess this up!, I'd love to spend the evening with her but do I ask her or not????
Posted By: PMA_Baby! Re: What to do now?? - 11/10/10 04:14 PM
Keep on doing what works. How did she respond to gifts before? Is she responsive? Open to convo? If not then it's pursuing. Does she like "the dance" or not? If not then drop it for now.

It's simple. Stop doing what doesnt work and start trying out new things that might.

PMA
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/11/10 01:46 PM
As we have been "getting on" fine the last few weeks, I sent her a text asking did she want to go out for a drink next week, didn't mention the anniversary, but she will know why, she hasn't responded.

I picked the kids up last night, she came out again with the their bags, and then start to moan about them messing on, how I need to get more organised for them??

I aske her what had I done wrong?, I pick them up, I haven't been in her new house, as she asked, and they are fine??

She said I had done nothing wrong, I think she was just venting?, I said I don't need to listen to her moaning anymore, said bye and left with the kids.

They were great all night, we laughed and they told me they loved me all night and how they missed me?

I sent my wife a text saying, that I know its hard with them, but this is the reality of splitting up, and I didn't want to argue any more and it wasn't fair on the kids, no answer again?

I really think reality is sinking in, this isn't the dream she thought it would be, I see the kids every day, they mess about, they are kids, but before I would start shouting, I keep my cool, and they are fine, obviously its all getting to her, I feel sorry for her, but this is reality now and she has to get on with it.

I read on here somewhere that anger is sometimes due to confusion, maybe she is confused, she has been left for over a month, maybe she is regretting it, or wants to come back, but she is too proud to say so, she also has her mother, who will have pushed this move, and she doesn't want to be seen to comeback to me, but the kids are happy with me and they have told me they want to come home?, are they telling her the same??

She has never showed any anger like this until last night, so I think something is happened to her thoughts??

Any ideas guys?
Posted By: Jstar Re: What to do now?? - 11/11/10 02:10 PM
I don't think your wife knows what or how to respond to what you are saying. she probably has guilt for what is going on and admitting anything would mean she is/was wrong.

your kids will always want mom/dad together. my d18 still does to this day. i can remember even being 26 wanting my mother/father back together, even my sister did as well and we had children of our own.

now my d3 asks just about everyday if daddy can move back in, she wants it, i want it(with changes of course and work) but he does not.

i think you are doing well in not listening to her gripe and letting her struggle on her own with the kids in that sense. or you could just listen not say a word and then when she expects a response just go oh. or hmm and walk away.

i think she expects you to mend it all put it back together all while the destruction of your family is going on.
Posted By: PMA_Baby! Re: What to do now?? - 11/11/10 02:27 PM
Also, you are not a mind reader so stop trying to.

Keep on doing what works.

What has worked so far?
Posted By: soleil Re: What to do now?? - 11/11/10 04:50 PM
Originally Posted By: Jstar
I don't think your wife knows what or how to respond to what you are saying. she probably has guilt for what is going on and admitting anything would mean she is/was wrong.


Ding ding ding.
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/11/10 08:41 PM
I understand what you are saying, but what can i do?
This is something that she has to deal with, i do see her mother as an issue, but again thats for her to sort out
Do i back off totally and let her deal with it , or try and talk to her, give her some assurances??
Posted By: PMA_Baby! Re: What to do now?? - 11/11/10 10:21 PM
Remember cat and mouse. Be the mouse. Let her chase you. You will know when she is ready and willing. Until then nothing will matter.
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/14/10 11:36 PM
I backed right off, picked the kids up on friday, just waved and left
Later she text about could she have a small table, i didn't respond i was busy with the kids, next morning she called early asking if i got the text and why didn't i answer, told her i only seen it this morning
I told her she can take what she wants as i'm selling the house after xmas, i've been thinking about it, why do i need a 5 bedroom house!!
She was shocked and asked why? I told her i hoped that we would get back together but now accept its over so why keep it?,she played it cool but i knew it had takenher back
She called today to ask a question about the kids, it was not needed and brought the house up again, i said i was sad its over but i have to move on, she left, she then said that she didn't want to leave, but i wouldn't so she did as she needed space
We talked more, i told her i knew she loved me, she agreed, but said it was too late now, she said it was sad to lose what we had but said it had gone too far

I told her i loved her and agreed it was sad, but we need to move on, she asked how i had been, with my meds and drinking, told her i felt great but missed her,we left on good terms, but she sounds very confused, i think its alot to do with pride moving out and her mother, not sure what to do now, she kept asking who i had told etc, isense she wants to work on us, but i don't know what to do?
What we have is too special to walk away from, she knows it, but i need her to let me in??

What do i do now? Just back off again??
Posted By: dbmod Re: What to do now?? - 11/15/10 04:18 AM
DCSUK---

You are at a great juncture....and you're doing a good job reading her. But now is the time to be warm and if she gives you an opening....take a gentle step in.

This is NOT the time to completely back off.

It is hard to save face after you've left someone. It's hard to come back...some of your friends support you, some don't. Make it easy enough. Let her save face.
Posted By: gutwrenching Re: What to do now?? - 11/15/10 04:40 AM
There will be ups and downs, there will be advances and pullbacks and I agree, don't completely back off but be aware of not pressuring too much or trying to paint it all as rosy...you don't want to appear as implying she is nuts for giving it all up, she has to come to that conclusion herself by seeing you and the family in the proper light
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/15/10 09:39 AM
Thanks for your thoughts guys
I just don't know how much to push or how far to pull back, but i feel there is real progress with us, we are talking and also telling each other how much we feel about each other, this is a big step
But i don't want to mess things up, she seems scared, probably about me slipping back to my old ways, i cannot and won't let that happen again for me, not just for her

I think it is hard for her to come back after moving out, but that is something she has to deal with, and her mother has backed her decision, this i think is a major problem
I cannot say anything about her family or friends without sounding bitter and angry, so how do i deal with that issue?
Also do i maintain contact, telling her how i feel, or do i wait until she contacts me??

I feel we are starting to connect but i don't want to push her away by applying any pressure??

Its really hard, i love her so much, she loves me, so why can't we sort this out!!!!
Posted By: PMA_Baby! Re: What to do now?? - 11/15/10 05:14 PM
Try offering to include her in an outing with the kids. If not interested back off until you see an opportunity to do a little flirting.
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/23/10 01:07 PM
Well the rollercoaster has well and truely started!!

Since my last post, we had an arguement over money, xmas, etc, things got heated and ended with me putting the phone down.

I was contacted by the Child Support Agency, who told me my wife had been in touch and I had to pay £300per month, to her for our children, when I told them the issues and her sctions they couldn't believe it, but they have a job to do, this was taking into account I have them 3 nights per week!!

I had already arranged for a bouquet of flowers to be sent to her for our anniversary, I know they were delivered but she has not mentioned them, so I haven't either!!

She is constantly sending me messages about the kids, which she knows the answer to?, I feel she is trying to control everything, where am I taking them to eat, what am I getting them for Xmas, how much you spending on them, when are you buying presents,etc!!!

Today she asked me when am I off over xmas or was I going away, the kids had told her, I explained that the kids had asked me not to go away, so I agreed with them, she then said that I shouldn't have told them, they had been upset about it, so what did she want me to do, just disappear over xmas from them????
I said she should talk to them, ask how they feel about things, they are upset about the whole situation not just xmas, they constantly tell me they miss me, maybe she should look at that situation first rather than blame me for upsetting them?

This was all by text, next thing she is on the phone telling me how I was wrong, I just said sorry can't speak, and put the phone down, I cannot be bothered talking to her, she kept phoning back and I kept doing the same, she soon got tired of it.

I sent her a text saying, she was making all the plans for people, without asking what other people think, she moved out, without speaking to the other 3 people involved, I said she now had to get on with things, and left it at that.

I have seen she has controlled me for far too long, and I have not noticed the effect it has had on me, I feel so much better for telling her how it is, rather than pussy foot about her!

On another note, I have met a wonderful lady!!

We met in a bar by chance, we got talking, she is attractive, very well educated, interesting, sexy, and has put life into me.

We chat on the phone daily and have met once, but she is amazing, up to now!!

I'm looking after me, if I get divorced so be it, but I won't be controlled no more, my children are the highlight of my life, and I'll be the best Dad I can for them, but to truely let go, which I feel I have now, feels great, I feel like a weight has been lifted from me, yes it's sad what has happened, but you know what?, life is good, you just don't know it until you let go and start enjoying things again!!!!

Also here is a thought I have had, STOP posting on here everyday, all you are doing is bringing up the past, yes call in now and then, but let it all go, easier said than done I know!!, but you need to, meet people, get out there,stop coming on here reading other peoples problems everyday, its all negative thoughts, not many success stories compared to the problems?

I keep you all posted.
Posted By: Rob1971 Re: What to do now?? - 11/23/10 01:16 PM
Originally Posted By: DCSUK
I was contacted by the Child Support Agency, who told me my wife had been in touch and I had to pay £300per month, to her for our children, when I told them the issues and her sctions they couldn't believe it, but they have a job to do, this was taking into account I have them 3 nights per week!!



Have you got lawyers involved yet?
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/23/10 01:29 PM
No, its a government agency that collects money from spouses, it all very black and white!

Not worth getting upset over, she was getting about that anyway, with the things I buy for the kids, difference is she has to now!!!

In fact it makes it better for me, I know what I pay, and I move on.

My kids will never do without, I will make certain of that!!!!
Posted By: Rob1971 Re: What to do now?? - 11/23/10 01:36 PM
Yep, I'm in the UK also. As long as you think that's fair then it's fine. I am always astonished when there is 50/50 childcare, why any of the spouses should owe the other anything.

They want to leave us, but when faced with the financial consequences of their decision they are very happy to hold their hand out for money.
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 11/23/10 01:43 PM
You can't fight it, but it makes you feel like a criminal at times going through the process?

We have a near 50/50 split, but I have to pay her?

I questioned this, but its "policy", load of crap if you ask me!!!

But it has helped me to totally detach, it has also shown me her in a different light, she has always liked money, and the good things, problem is I gave them!

Let her get on with it, in the real world!!!!!
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 12/02/10 12:09 PM
Just a quick update!

Please, Please, Please, listen to what everyone advises, back off, let them be, they come to you!!!

I have moved on from my wife totally, don't talk to her, other than the kids, and I only send a text, I have been polite, happy, which I am, and generally a better person.

She calls me everyday, or sends a text!, she never contacted me when she first went!

She called me regarding Xmas presents for the kids the other day, and spent about an hour talking to me, she didn't sound too happy when I ended it and said I had to go!!

She keeps asking about me selling the house, not to rush into anything, give it a few months?, why if she wants out of the marriage, why wait!, I think she is having doubts?

The kids are great, we have a great time together, and I think she feels she is missing out, and you know what?, she is!!

She asked me about how I feel, told her I'm great, I exercise, I laugh, I don't drink, I'm never down, I sleep well, I feel great!!!, I said I wasn't sure if it was the meds I now take, or if it's because I don't feel married?, this is true, this is what I have been thinking, yes I miss my family, I dearly love my wife, but I feel like a different person, is this beacuse I'm not with her, and I can be myself again?

I see the kids everyday, I'm their dad, and best friend, I love them more than life, but they are happy and we have a great time together, so it's not them as they are still in my life everyday, there are only a few things different, no wife, no drink, and my medication.

Was my wife and unhappiness causing me to drink?
Or was it because I had no medication before this time?

I cannot say honestly what the reason is, other than I'm fine!

If she asked me tomorrow to get back together, I could not say yes straight away, that is a massive statement from somebody who felt their life was over when she left!, but that is how I feel.

I have spent time with somebody else, she is aware of my situation, but we just talk, and enjoy each others company?

I feel attractive again, I feel good about myself, this is where we all need to be when this crap happens, we need to feel good about US!, not what other people want, that is the answer to all our problems!

I don't know what the future holds, what I do know is I am not going back to the person I was!!!

With her or without her, it's about me, if she wants to come alomg for the ride fine, if not fine, but that is my desicion, based on what I want and what makes me happy!!

Keep going guys, you can all get here, it's great when you do!!!
Posted By: dbmod Re: What to do now?? - 12/02/10 12:51 PM
I'm excited for you. She will probably want to get back together, and you will do the right thing--go slow. And keep 'yourself' in the process.
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 12/02/10 01:13 PM
You know I'm excited for me also!!

I feel about 21 again, my confidence, by drive, my attitude, everything, I feel like I've had a massive weight took off my shoulders!!

But here is a question, what do I do at Xmas?

It's her birthday near the time also, do I get her a present, or just leave it?

I know she is my wife, and I love her, but do I look pushy if I buy her something, then she gets me nothing??

I don't want to ask her about it, but I feel it would be better and a total change to me if I got her nothing, not out of spite, but I have moved on!

I used to be lavish with gifts for her, maybe trying to buy her love?, but I don't need it?

Any thoughts guys
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 12/07/10 11:13 AM
Just an update again!

Everything is going well, we are talking, mainly about the kids, but there are no arguments, no upset, but also nothing about "us" or the future.

I feel great, and having a ball!!

I saw her last night, she was in the car dropping something off for the kids, see sat there talking to me, but was looking me up and down, it was totally obvious, don't think she actually knew she was doing it!!

I don't want to read too much into it, but there must be an interest somewhere from her?

It's nice and flattering, but I'm not getting carried away by it?

But it does feel nice to feel she is interested and looking at me!!!!!!

Keep going guys!!!
Posted By: InAPickle Re: What to do now?? - 12/07/10 01:46 PM
Originally Posted By: DCSUK
You know I'm excited for me also!!

But here is a question, what do I do at Xmas?
n
It's her birthday ear the time also, do I get her a present, or just leave it?

Any thoughts guys



I asked my WAW what she'd like for Christmas and she flat out said don't get me anything. So, I'm going to spend the money on myself !
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 12/20/10 02:54 PM
Quick update guys!!

Things are going well with my wife, we talk most days, not just text, massive change!!!

We talk about each other, how we are, not about the future, or the past really, just the odd comment.

Kids are great, I asked her about spending Xmas together, she had already arranged to go to her sisters, but the kids want to be with me for the day!!!, we are going to work it out so there are no big issues, its up to the kids I have said and left it at that.

She came round on Sunday to pick up some Xmas decs she asked for, we have never really been together for 2 months!!, she was very subtle, but she was flirting with me!!

She was going out that night with friends for her birthday coming up, and the kids are staying at her parents not me, as I have to leave for work early the next morning so it was a shame to get them up with me, and I asked her why didn't she come back to mine after she had been out and we could spend the night together!!!, I can flirt as well!!!

She giggled in a way that I know she was interested, but said that she I was mad, and giggled again, she never said no, but just smiled and left.

She never turned up by the way, but I never really expected her too!!!!

We are getting on great, and I really think we can make this work, BUT, I'm in no hurry, I'm enjoying myself, my kids are great, and we are all happier!!!

All is good guys, keep up the DBing!!!!!!!!

Happy Xmas!
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 12/31/10 11:18 AM
Hi Guys, hope you are all well??

Quick update, Xmas went well, I had the kids Xmas Eve, then dropped them off at my wife's for lunch, I got her a nice present, and got her 1 from the kids, I only got 1 off the kids not her, but I'm not bothered, I have the moral high ground!!!

Anyway, over this time I have been thinking hard about what I want in the future, yes I feel good about me, but what do I REALLY want, and I know I want my wife back, that's what I want.

So I told her, I missed her, I loved her, and I want to work on things, but its up to her, she never said no, but never said yes, so I left it at that.

Next thing, she had arranged to pick the kids up, usually she phones when she is outside for them to come out, but last night I get a knock at the door and here she is, I told her to come in and she didn't need to knock, the kids seemed as surprised as I was, we talked about the kids etc, she then noticed I had my wedding ring back on, she asked my why and I told her, I wanted to be married, and until I'm not married legally I will wear it, this surprised her and she just smiled.

I then asked could we change a day a I had the kids as I had something to do, she agreed and asked what it was, I told her I was getting a tattoo done, she asked straight away was I getting her name on my wedding finger covered, I said no I was getting a phoenix on my arm, It was a sign that I had moved on from the ashes of our old marriage, I was a better person for it, and it was something I wanted to do.

She was really interested, and asking about how it will look, etc.

Anyway she had to leave to take the kids to the cinema, but I sensed she wanted to talk for a while, the kids had to drag her to the car!!!

I don't want to read into this too much, but I feel positive about us, I'm not rushing anything, but I want my wife and family back, and I'm going to do whatever I need to do get them back.

Keep your chin up guys and keep battling
Posted By: DCSUK Re: What to do now?? - 01/04/11 04:14 PM

Interesting development, she texted me last night about something trivial aboutthe kids, I didn't respond, was watching tv, after an hour she phoned, again I ignored it, called her back about half hour later.

She was all where was I, and was I ok?

Just said I had left my phone in the bedroom, anyway we started talking about the kids, nothing heavy, the usual

Then it went onto me and her, I told her I missed her and that I want to work on my marriage, she told me she was scared of it going back how it was, I listened and said I feel the same, but we can make it work, she was going on about how I never talked to her, and she felt that she had done something wrong, my moods, she didn't know who was coming through the door.

I listened and told her she was right, and leaving was the right thing to do, but I want to put it all right.

I explained I was on meds, had councelling, and felt great, but she said that we had only been split for 12 weeks and she couldn't be sure I had changed in such a small time, again I told her I understood how she felt, but I could only base it on how I felt.

I then asked her if she loved me, big mistake I know!!!!, but sdhe said yes, and that she will always love me, but didn't want that life again, I told her that I loved her, I was sorry for what I had done, what I had became, but we owe it to ourselves not to walk away from what we have, and what we could have.

At that my son came in the room she was in and wouldn't leave, he knew she was talking to me and wants to know what is going on.

She said that she had to go and ended the call, is there a hope here, even very slightly?

Or am I looking for the positive?

We are not arguing, not shouting, but talking in a reasonable manner about us, the past, and the possible future

In one way I'm excited, but in another I feel her pain and feel bad for what I became.

I guess now is the time to back off again and let her come to me?

any thought guys?
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