Posted By: packergirl34 Sign? - 08/09/10 05:02 PM
Hi all.

So, I'm at the library this morning, picking up the DR book, and at that very moment, the OW walks into the building. What are the chances? I mean, that is so weird. I just froze, she froze and then walked past me.

She and I were close friends, so I feel like I've been betrayed twice, but I know that it's not about her anymore. She is no longer in contact with my hubby and so this shouldn't affect me so profoundly, but I'm shaking right now.
Posted By: tristan Re: Sign? - 08/09/10 10:32 PM
Hi PG,

I am impressed you handled it so well. And yes, it will affect you for a long long time. It's nothing people don't handle; but don't expect this to just completely fade away.

OK, now that I have stated the obvious; how do you know that your H is not in contact with OW? I don't want you to be paranoid; but neither should you be Pollyannish about this. He is on his own and free to do what he wants. What guarantee do you have that he is not seeing her?

I know you do not think a lawyer is neccessary right now (it isn't). But because the first consultation is normally free and you are seperated. I think you should get an idea of what your rights are. I wouldn't pay for anything, but it is good to be prepared.

Take care and wishing you the best,
Posted By: packergirl34 Re: Sign? - 08/10/10 12:53 AM
I'm pretty sure he's not in contact with her, because he has taken the passcode off his phone and I've been able to see when he's here if he's in contact with her. I'm also just trying not to obsess about it, because it will drive me crazy. He knows that if he wants to come back to the marriage he has to be fully committed, so I'm giving him his time to reflect on that.

I am going to check around with friends to see about a consult with a lawyer. The whole prospect freaks me out, but I know I need to do this for myself.

Thanks Tristan.
Posted By: tristan Re: Sign? - 08/10/10 01:37 AM
hi gb,

there is a veteran in here that goes by coach. he gives out excellent advice. however, he often talks about the stockdale paradox. i suggest you search and read about it. i would link to it, but i am currently on my phone. anyway, it is about maintaining hope while handling you current reality. it is great inspiration for db'ing.

it is why it is good to see a lawyer; it is a way to handle your current situation. but it does not mean you are giving up on your future. the paradox is that you can do both simultaneously. in fact, by moving your situation forward, they are often complementary.

good luck,
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