One of the posters in the other thread was dead to rights about an EA with some cybersex/nude picture exchanges.
I found nude pictures of her on her phone by using deleted photo recovery software. I checked our cell phone bill and the useage, and she texts him all the time.
I installed a packet sniffer on our home network that looks for specific keywords coming through very specific ports designated for FB IM and Chat.
She is talking about doing stuff with him that I never thought she would EVER do. It is like she is a different person. He is talking about using video conferencing to pleasure themselves together.
OK so I have her nailed. Now what? I now know that she wants a D because she is getting what she wants out of this EA, and she feels she has something to go to after she moves out.
I DO NOT want to reveal how I got this info. She knows I found the pictures, and now she keeps her phone with her at all times.
But I will simply not stand for this in my own house. Any time I ask her about it she gets sooooooo defensive, and she says "I am allowed to talk to my friends", and she's very angry. She said she felt she was justified in taking the nude pics because I didn't give her the attention she needed.
Should I just confront her? My family support is very weak right now, as my living relatives are both very sick. I can't talk to anyone about this, except maybe her mom who has said from the beginning that I am her son, and could talk to her and she'd NEVER let my wife know.
The first thing you should do is shut down internet sevice to your home and her cellphone (if you pay those bills). I'll let the others help you elsewhere.
I am sorry and take care of yourself.
In my long experience the best thing for a guy to do in your position is to take the aggressive stance..
YOU file for divorce and push this forward now.
YOU come across as if this is now what you want.
Men who stand up to this garbage and take a strong stance are the ones most likely to succeed at this. Deep down a woman respects a man who takes decisive action. She secretly knows she is wrong.
Tell her this... "I have been doing some thinking and here is what I have decided. I have decided that you are right. This isn't working. I agree that we should separate and divorce. I think since you are having cyber sex and probably even an affair that you should move out. The sooner the better. I would like you to find a place to stay within a week."
This is said firmly and matter of fact. Not mean. STRONG and decisive. Don't tell her you love her and don't tell her you want to work on the marriage. None of that usually works. Don't let her cake eat. Send her packing and thinking she is the one who screwed up. There is nothing that wakes a person up like the reality of what they have done coming home to meet them... Let her deal with reality NOW.
The first thing you should do is shut down internet sevice to your home and her cellphone (if you pay those bills). I'll let the others help you elsewhere.
I am sorry and take care of yourself.
Agree with Sandy, but I would wait a week or so, and see if any additional useful intel turns up. Then you can shut 'er down, as there's no reason why you should financially enable her inappropriate behavior in your own home.
Just stay cool and gather your intel for now; Allen and I can help you with your "confront and expose" scripts when the time is nigh.
I'm sorry. I really do wish I was WRONG, but it's usually pretty easy to spot.
Can you tell us more about your marital sex life? Is yours a case of mis-matched libidos or any other substantive issues there?
Puppy
In my long experience the best thing for a guy to do in your position is to take the aggressive stance..
YOU file for divorce and push this forward now.
YOU come across as if this is now what you want.
Men who stand up to this garbage and take a strong stance are the ones most likely to succeed at this. Deep down a woman respects a man who takes decisive action. She secretly knows she is wrong.
Tell her this... "I have been doing some thinking and here is what I have decided. I have decided that you are right. This isn't working. I agree that we should separate and divorce. I think since you are having cyber sex and probably even an affair that you should move out. The sooner the better. I would like you to find a place to stay within a week."
This is said firmly and matter of fact. Not mean. STRONG and decisive. Don't tell her you love her and don't tell her you want to work on the marriage. None of that usually works. Don't let her cake eat. Send her packing and thinking she is the one who screwed up.
Tend to AGREE with this approach. I'm just trying to learn a little more about the sexual dynamic between the two of them, to make sure there wasn't any neglect or other serious issues, and also gather a little more intel. But yeah -- this is the best approach to take.
Puppy
We didn't have a very active sex life in the past few months. She wanted attention from me, but rarely voiced it in a consistent and clear manner.
She said "I always came to you first! You weren't meeting my needs so I went somewhere else to someone who paid attention and made me feel good, sexy, and hot"
YES I MADE MISTAKES. I definitely didn't have sex with her enough, but she NEVER came across as this very sexual woman she is being like with this guy online. She is saying and doing things I have asked her to do, but she FLATLY REFUSED. She NEVER EVER took a nude pic for me. EVER.
I don't deserve to sit in my bedroom 8 feet a way while she talked about going to visit him and setting up skype calls to pleasure themselves together.
She is going away next week, and plans to use video IM to do all kinds of things for him. The pain is so bad I can't take it.
NO, you don't. Please don't get defensive, I'm not "accusing the rape victim" here -- just trying to understand the dynamics. Bottom line is, you probably have some responsibility in her getting to the "sexually frustrated" stage, but that DOES NOT GIVE HER THE EXCUSE TO CARRY ON A CYBERSEX AFFAIR, and then lie to you about it.
There are healthy, mature ways for couples to deal with their issues. She took the easy path. Time for QS to start valuing QS more than that, and to let her know that you value and respect yourself too much to put up with this kind of crap disrespect in your own home.
Just gather some more intel for the week, and we'll come up with a game plan. Do you think you can stay patient?
Puppy
I THINK I can stay patient, but having to look at those logs absolutely KILLS me. It kills me.
I can't function today.
I have ALL the evidence I will ever need though I think. I figured out the right ICQ port for FB IM through the router, and boy did I capture it all. Every single nasty word of it.
So don't look at them again until Thursday or Friday -- could that be done? Just capture the keystrokes?
Women love to TALK, and not just cybersex. She may carry on a convo that will tip her legal hand, and/or expose any other potential threats or opportunities. If you don't think you can wait, you certainly do have plenty of ammunition already with which to confront and expose (but even then, I'd recommend waiting 48 hours to both cool off, emotionally, and also to formulate a thorough plan).
Puppy
P.S.
You should switch over to the Infidelity forum, to get Allen A's (and others') more specialized advice on this.
Puppy
Yes confront her.
Tell her you know everything, give her all the details.
Tell her you're going to contact her family and let them know what's going on and that you guys are splitting up.
Tell her that you aren't going to share her with another man and she is free to go. Tell her she should be with that guy if that's what she wants to do but you won't be disrespected in your own home, she needs to go to a friends house to conduct her relationship with the OM because you won't allow it to go on while you still live there in your own home. You will be civil with her when it comes to the kids (if you have kids) and she is free to go and do what she wants and you'll do the same for your life.
You can't chase someone who doesn't want to be with you.
Let her go, do your own thing, enjoy your life,
you know about the affair, you aren't some dumb naive husband who thinks his wife couldn't be up to such things. You know better now.
Move on.
Let go.
Tell her this... "I have been doing some thinking and here is what I have decided. I have decided that you are right. This isn't working. I agree that we should separate and divorce. I think since you are having cyber sex and probably even an affair that you should move out. The sooner the better. I would like you to find a place to stay within a week."
^This...EXACTLY.
Do not stray off point no matter what she throws at you.
Greek
. . .you aren't some dumb naive husband who thinks his wife couldn't be up to such things. . . .
Not that we ever see any of THOSE around here, no-siree . . .
Puppy
. . .you aren't some dumb naive husband who thinks his wife couldn't be up to such things. . . .
Not that we ever see any of THOSE around here, no-siree . . .
Puppy
Pinheads!
We didn't have a very active sex life in the past few months. She wanted attention from me, but rarely voiced it in a consistent and clear manner.
She said "I always came to you first! You weren't meeting my needs so I went somewhere else to someone who paid attention and made me feel good, sexy, and hot"
YES I MADE MISTAKES. I definitely didn't have sex with her enough, but she NEVER came across as this very sexual woman she is being like with this guy online. She is saying and doing things I have asked her to do, but she FLATLY REFUSED. She NEVER EVER took a nude pic for me. EVER.
I don't deserve to sit in my bedroom 8 feet a way while she talked about going to visit him and setting up skype calls to pleasure themselves together.
She is going away next week, and plans to use video IM to do all kinds of things for him. The pain is so bad I can't take it.
Part of the affair is flattery and elevation thats hard for them to get in a straight up relationship. You CAN have this in a straight up relationship, and you can keep it going forever. Thing is people usually cheat and we have to think were more clever than our spouses, which blows the fantasy.
I found nude pictures of her on her phone by using deleted photo recovery software.
Yep, I found pics like that, too.
I installed a packet sniffer on our home network that looks for specific keywords coming through very specific ports designated for FB IM and Chat.
Not to threadjack, but what packet sniffer did you use, and what ports are used for FB (and AOL, if you know them...)?
Thanks and good luck.
Here's the thing. I've already caught her with the nude photos and some texts.
The photos I recovered had EXIF timestamps - 17 from late may, and 8 from EARLY may. Looking up the data usage on our cell phone bill, I CAN SEE THE PICTURE/MMS exchanges:
Early May - Number 1 (?)
Late May - Number 2 (this FB affair guy right now)
I confronted her and she said this guy from FB (Late May) had a different cell phone back then. I called in a pretty big favor to a law enforcement buddy, and he got me EVERYTHING on the first phone number from early may. It is one of her companies' clients she works with and has to meet out of town on business. This guy is married with 2 kids.
It's hard to tell from the pictures, but there is a possibility that someone else might have taken them, i.e. and actual sexual encounter. BUT, what is so highly interesting is that looking at the texting between Guy #1 and her from March-late april it was always during regular business times. Then the times of the textx got LATER AND LATER, until the night the pictures were exchanged, it was at 10pm. I talked to her that night, and I KNOW she was in her room.
She still FLATLY denies that there are 2 separate people. I have her dead to rights though.
I exported an Excel spreadsheet of all the data useage, and you can SEE THE PATTERN of texting leading up to the photo exchanges back in early may.
Now she was furious with me for "snooping" on her phone, and checking the cell phone usage. But she DOESN'T know I have the internet capture up and running on my network. I don't want to give that up, as that is my one-time mother of all bombs (MOAB). It's definitely mutually assured destruction after that.
Anyone have an idea for the "Plan"
I wanted to send you hugs!!!
I have logs and pictures of my H (not nekkid pics of him but pics he sent OW and pics OW sent him) and pics of them out together.
I know how much it hurts.
How I yearned to have H treat me and want those things from me that he was getting from OW.
Keep your head up! Be strong and follow the males advice on here. It's golden!
. . .you aren't some dumb naive husband who thinks his wife couldn't be up to such things. . . .
Not that we ever see any of THOSE around here, no-siree . . .
Puppy
Pinheads!
Um, that's
SUBORDINATING pinheads to you, mister!
Puppy
Here's the thing. I've already caught her with the nude photos and some texts.
The photos I recovered had EXIF timestamps - 17 from late may, and 8 from EARLY may. Looking up the data usage on our cell phone bill, I CAN SEE THE PICTURE/MMS exchanges:
Early May - Number 1 (?)
Late May - Number 2 (this FB affair guy right now)
I confronted her and she said this guy from FB (Late May) had a different cell phone back then. I called in a pretty big favor to a law enforcement buddy, and he got me EVERYTHING on the first phone number from early may. It is one of her companies' clients she works with and has to meet out of town on business. This guy is married with 2 kids.
It's hard to tell from the pictures, but there is a possibility that someone else might have taken them, i.e. and actual sexual encounter. BUT, what is so highly interesting is that looking at the texting between Guy #1 and her from March-late april it was always during regular business times. Then the times of the textx got LATER AND LATER, until the night the pictures were exchanged, it was at 10pm. I talked to her that night, and I KNOW she was in her room.
She still FLATLY denies that there are 2 separate people. I have her dead to rights though.
I exported an Excel spreadsheet of all the data useage, and you can SEE THE PATTERN of texting leading up to the photo exchanges back in early may.
Now she was furious with me for "snooping" on her phone, and checking the cell phone usage. But she DOESN'T know I have the internet capture up and running on my network. I don't want to give that up, as that is my one-time mother of all bombs (MOAB). It's definitely mutually assured destruction after that.
Anyone have an idea for the "Plan"
DAMN, I like this guy. He's goooooood.
Puppy
Anyone have an idea for the "Plan"
Yeah, Dump her!
I wouldn't say a single word to her, wouldnt show her any evidence, wouldnt give her the time of day, I wouldnt even bother looking in her direction. Ignore her; be gone from your home as much as you can. Pack up her belongings and put them in the room with the computer. Hell. Toss them out the window with the computer.
If she wants to play with her kitty in front of a computer go out and find out how a real cat toy plays.
Start dating a Hooter's Girl.
Tell all your mutual friends you are getting a divorce that you want nothing to do with her and you have never been happier in your life now that she is out of it.
Oh yeah. and smile all the time.
You will be amazed at how fast she loses interest in her internet fantasy when her world comes crashing down around her.
She actually WANTS a divorce. Last night she was talking about to him when our divorce would be finalized, and she would visit him the VERY next weekend. But they could have "online fun" until then. Skype, even on the phone too. You know how many times when I was away and I wanted to Skype like that and she said NO WAAAAY?? That one is crushing.
I am thinking she feels so secure with this divorce because she has him to go to, and he makes her feel good, safe, and secure.
I think she is rationalizing how things will just be ok in his arms ect. But right now she definitely wants a divorce, and she wants him like no other man. Trust me, those convos will make you sick if it was your wife.
She actually WANTS a divorce. Last night she was talking about to him when our divorce would be finalized, and she would visit him the VERY next weekend. But they could have "online fun" until then. Skype, even on the phone too. You know how many times when I was away and I wanted to Skype like that and she said NO WAAAAY?? That one is crushing.
I am thinking she feels so secure with this divorce because she has him to go to, and he makes her feel good, safe, and secure.
I think she is rationalizing how things will just be ok in his arms ect. But right now she definitely wants a divorce, and she wants him like no other man. Trust me, those convos will make you sick if it was your wife.
And you let her go to him, because nothing you can do will convince her otherwise.
QS ~
Did you say this guy is married with 2 children? Is that right?
Greek
The FIRST guy she sent naked pics to is married with kids. I think that they might have actually done stuff physically together, because RIGHT AFTER that picture exchange, all the texting to his # stopped. He may have realized he made a huge mistake.
This guy NOW on FB now is an old high school BF, and he is divorced with kids. He knows that she is married and wants a divorce.
Well even if he is NOT married, the thrill of fooling around with your W will fade when she starts leaning on him in real life.
Does your W work?
Greek
Yes she does, and she goes out of town at least once a month on business. Last night she wrote she was sooooo excited to get out of town so she could share pictures and Skype video with him too. She told him how much she thought about him ect.
I die a little inside each time I read it. Haha
One thing I've observed on here with WAWs such as yours is that the OM usually SPLITS when the A is discovered. Can't think of a single OM who really wanted to FIGHT for his bit on the side. They more or less give up when it gets complicated.
The other thing I've observed is that WAWs back pedal a bit when the financial realities begin to bite. She has her own income but it will still pinch to lose your contribution to her lifestyle. Impose that justice right now, QS! Anything in YOUR name that she uses or does that enables her degrading behavior - close it down.
Greek
1. OK, so I first confront HER?
2. I confront (via FB or text) this FB guy and old high school flame
3. I confront the FIRST guy from early May, and tell him I have him dead to rights with the logs and pictures
4. I tell my parents and her parents
5. I disable her internet access and make it look like the router died.
6. I tell her she has 2 choices, stop the affair or MOVE OUT.
1. OK, so I first confront HER?
You inform her that you know what she has been doing. Use Gucci's speech EXACTLY :
"I have been doing some thinking and here is what I have decided. I have decided that you are right. This isn't working. I agree that we should separate and divorce. I think since you are having cyber sex and probably even an affair that you should move out. The sooner the better. I would like you to find a place to stay within a week."
2. I confront (via FB or text) this FB guy and old high school flame
3. I confront the FIRST guy from early May, and tell him I have him dead to rights with the logs and pictures
I think not but I'll defer to the experts on this one. My thought is that you don't lower yourself to acknowledge them.
4. I tell my parents and her parents
In the context of "I am filing for D and this is why." I say yes to this.
5. I disable her internet access and make it look like the router died.
Yes, disable her Internet but don't make it look like anything other than "You can be a ho on your own Internet acct. when you move out but you will not bring that garbage into the family home.)
6. I tell her she has 2 choices, stop the affair or MOVE OUT.
Nope. Not quite. She has to go. If, and only if, she asks for another chance do you tell her that she would have to publicly end the affair, agree to a full transparency agreement with you, and go to counseling. Then you will talk about working on the M.
She's done a lot of damage here. Not a good idea to let her off the hook for what she's done and has been doing, and not with just one man, but two (that you know of). And here's the thing - the REAL thing to watch out for going forward - SHE WILL DO IT RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE. BRAZEN.
Greek
Always remember, your actions will speak louder than words.
You look her directly in the eyes, and slowly, calmly, use Gucci's speech EXACTLY.
When she denies/lies, your response is: "We both know you are lying" and walk away.
I would NOT engage OM.
Get others input on the parents.
Just disable her internet access. No need to "make it look like the router died".
6. I tell her she has 2 choices, stop the affair or MOVE OUT.
NO, she needs to feel the loss. No choices. YOU HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE DONE WITH HER. You are rejecting her. You are letting natural consequence happen to her based on her poor choices.
Always remember, your actions will speak louder than words.
You look her directly in the eyes, and slowly, calmly, use Gucci's speech EXACTLY.
When she denies/lies, your response is: "We both know you are lying" and walk away.
I would NOT engage OM.
Get others input on the parents.
Just disable her internet access. No need to "make it look like the router died".
6. I tell her she has 2 choices, stop the affair or MOVE OUT.
NO, she needs to feel the loss. No choices. YOU HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE DONE WITH HER. You are rejecting her. You are letting natural consequence happen to her based on her poor choices.
Ditto! I wish I had come on this site when I first got my bomb.. I would have handled it just as above and I can assure you that things would have been differently. Instead, I allowed myself to be put on this horrid rollercoaster of lies, torment and more lies!
GL!
Well even if he is NOT married, the thrill of fooling around with your W will fade when she starts leaning on him in real life.
Beat me to the punch, Greek. My money says he runs for the hills.
There are reasons people have cyber affairs. It's because they don't care to have REAL, IN-PERSON ones, for a whole host of reasons.
Puppy
One thing I've observed on here with WAWs such as yours is that the OM usually SPLITS when the A is discovered. Can't think of a single OM who really wanted to FIGHT for his bit on the side. They more or less give up when it gets complicated.
The other thing I've observed is that WAWs back pedal a bit when the financial realities begin to bite. She has her own income but it will still pinch to lose your contribution to her lifestyle. Impose that justice right now, QS! Anything in YOUR name that she uses or does that enables her degrading behavior - close it down.
Greek
Truer words have never been spoken, QS.
Wisdom. ^Puppy
Always remember, your actions will speak louder than words.
You look her directly in the eyes, and slowly, calmly, use Gucci's speech EXACTLY.
When she denies/lies, your response is: "We both know you are lying" and walk away.
I would NOT engage OM.
Get others input on the parents.
Just disable her internet access. No need to "make it look like the router died".
6. I tell her she has 2 choices, stop the affair or MOVE OUT.
NO, she needs to feel the loss. No choices. YOU HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE DONE WITH HER. You are rejecting her. You are letting natural consequence happen to her based on her poor choices.
Ditto! I wish I had come on this site when I first got my bomb.. I would have handled it just as above and I can assure you that things would have been differently. Instead, I allowed myself to be put on this horrid rollercoaster of lies, torment and more lies!
GL!
"Ditto" from me as well.
Consequences.
Puppy
There are reasons people have cyber affairs. It's because they don't care to have REAL, IN-PERSON ones, for a whole host of reasons.
Puppy
That's the thing. If she could, she WOULD go see him right now TODAY. She wants to wait until the divorce is finalized so she doesn't get nailed by adultery in the divorce. But she wants him in REAL LIFE quite, quite alot. They used to data a long long time ago.
There are reasons people have cyber affairs. It's because they don't care to have REAL, IN-PERSON ones, for a whole host of reasons.
Puppy
That's the thing. If she could, she WOULD go see him right now TODAY. She wants to wait until the divorce is finalized so she doesn't get nailed by adultery in the divorce. But she wants him in REAL LIFE quite, quite alot. They used to data a long long time ago.
In their Effed up mind, they think this isn't adultery.. They think that because there is no penetration, it's not an affair.. it's such BS. it makes me sick!
There are reasons people have cyber affairs. It's because they don't care to have REAL, IN-PERSON ones, for a whole host of reasons.
Puppy
That's the thing. If she could, she WOULD go see him right now TODAY. She wants to wait until the divorce is finalized so she doesn't get nailed by adultery in the divorce. But she wants him in REAL LIFE quite, quite alot. They used to data a long long time ago.
Like Greek said better than I could, the "real" ones become o-so-much-more-complicated than the online, cyber, get-your-rocks-off-with-no-strings-attached ones.
Puppy
I get you now puppy, and sorry if i came across strong. I didn't mean anything by it. with her she is in the ILYBAMILWY place, and this this is a real type of way to get the attention she needs to make her feel good, and she is moving toward the relationship she always wanted with him.
It just kills me to read those chats and see what she said about wanting to be in his bed right then ect....
She did an online search of "How to get a guy". That should tell you how strongly she is pursuing him.
[quote=Quicksilver264]I get you now puppy, and sorry if i came across strong. I didn't mean anything by it. To her, this is a real affair and is moving toward the relationship she always wanted with him.
[/quote
I know she is. Which is why we're saying to burst her bubble. We could be wrong, but I'd estimate that 75% (and even HIGHER, with men) in online cybersex affairs PREFER to not get involved IRL!!!
She's dreaming.
Puppy
But should I message
HIM and let him know that I know EVERYTHING, and tell him how uncompassionate he is being. Just let him know that what he is doing is so wrong.
In their Effed up mind, they think this isn't adultery.. They think that because there is no penetration, it's not an affair.. it's such BS. it makes me sick!
Well her reasoning is that she was done with the marriage BEFORE she ever had an affair, and that she "just went someplace else to find what she needed, and that it could have been me because she always came to me FIRST"..
Quicksilver264,
I'd say by that logic she's right... Its always something.
Quicksilver264,
I'd say by that logic she's right... Its always something.
You don't mean she actually has sound logic?
But should I message HIM and let him know that I know EVERYTHING, and tell him how uncompassionate he is being. Just let him know that what he is doing is so wrong.
I strongly suggest NOT to engage in any conversations with OM. It will fall on deaf ears. This is between you and your spouse. She has made her irresponsible choice, and now it is very important for her to experience all the natural consequences.
The advise we give is based on what we have seen work.....
But should I message
HIM and let him know that I know EVERYTHING, and tell him how uncompassionate he is being. Just let him know that what he is doing is so wrong.
In their Effed up mind, they think this isn't adultery.. They think that because there is no penetration, it's not an affair.. it's such BS. it makes me sick!
Well her reasoning is that she was done with the marriage BEFORE she ever had an affair, and that she "just went someplace else to find what she needed, and that it could have been me because she always came to me FIRST"..
Personally me?!? Yes I would call him out on it. I don't believe in keeping an A secret or not contacting the OP and exposing that you know. I mean,who knows, He may be mortified and embarrassd by it that maybe he won't want to have anything to do with her. She will be left all alone. That should be a nice wake up call.
I believe that a's thrive on secrecy. Once you take that away, there isn't as much thrill anymore.
BUT you have to stick to your guns and follow through.
I know others won't agree with this.
Wife is about to get home very soon. I have the message to that guy typed and ready to send. Anyone think this will be fatal, or maybe it will start the seeds of destruction in their affair?
I am going to confront her tonight. I have had 30 hours to cool down, and I am 100% calm. I actually feel VERY empowered and good. I am in a good place. Ive told all our family, and many people now know.
Any last minute tips or advice?
Any last minute tips or advice?
Yep -- stop analyzing so much, and second-guessing yourself. You did the right thing. Now rest in it.
Puppy
I hope you stayed strong. We are here for you and cheering you on.
Hope it went well.
Hugs!
What continues to make her special and worthy of your love after committing such acts?
Maybe he loves her, McQueen. Ain't no logic in that for ANY of us . . . is there?
Puppy
Instead, I allowed myself to be put on this horrid rollercoaster of lies, torment and more lies!
And that really isn't fair to roller coasters... which can be fun.
no it doesnt have to be logical it doesnt even make sense sometimes. a feeling that can exist without trust, through hurt and the most awful memories, that would make us go to extremes, sacrifice our dignity and question our own self-worth, to share with another individual. and yet we cannot clearly define it.
then to the other extreme, one who could love somebody, fall "in love" with someone else, and continue to love the first. love is not necessarily exclusive then is it? can we accept that?
I am not self-righteous, I may not even be virtuous in others eyes, but I have asked that question of myself on many occasions. And still I love my wife and still I am by her side... till death do us part
Maybe questioning why you still love someone while reading about divorces isn't that great of an idea...
I just finished this whole thread - hugs to you QS
I'm sorry you are going through this. I had a PI give me a lovely package of my husband out with a coworker who he had professed his love to. I know how you feel to see what you are seeing and feel the disgust.
Listen to these guys - they are giving you great advice. Stay strong!
Luv
Just checking in to see how things went.
But should I message
HIM and let him know that I know EVERYTHING, and tell him how uncompassionate he is being. Just let him know that what he is doing is so wrong.
In their Effed up mind, they think this isn't adultery.. They think that because there is no penetration, it's not an affair.. it's such BS. it makes me sick!
Well her reasoning is that she was done with the marriage BEFORE she ever had an affair, and that she "just went someplace else to find what she needed, and that it could have been me because she always came to me FIRST"..
Personally me?!? Yes I would call him out on it. I don't believe in keeping an A secret or not contacting the OP and exposing that you know. I mean,who knows, He may be mortified and embarrassd by it that maybe he won't want to have anything to do with her. She will be left all alone. That should be a nice wake up call.
I believe that a's thrive on secrecy. Once you take that away, there isn't as much thrill anymore.
BUT you have to stick to your guns and follow through.
I know others won't agree with this.
He professed his love to her "bachelorette style"?
How about this Quick:
1. Get yourself looking your hottest
2. Whisper in her ear how you want to do A..B..C.. and record it
3. Lick her ear...tell her you'll be waiting for her to make the next move
4. Wait.
If she comes to you, she really wanted you in the first place. Have the best mindblowing sex you can.
Then, tell her you want her to end her online chats so the two of you can heat up your house (don't call them affairs because she probably doesn't see it as such).
Buy acting this way, your wife knows you won't live the next 20 years in blame. She knows you want to meet her needs in new ways. She knows she can tell you anything.
That is the sex 180.
Why do I suggest this approach? I've had probs with internet porn myself, and was referred as addicted to it. I've been careful to not get into chats, but I know how powerful it could've been if I did. The last thing you/she needs is to make this an attack just now.
If she doesn't respond. If she doesn't take any steps, maybe it is time for a sex counsellor.
Why treat the symptom (her usage) instead of the disease (something in her, not you, that is controlling your relationship right now...plus the devil!)
Good Luck, man.
June...who were you referring to?
Why do I suggest this approach? I've had probs with internet porn myself, and was referred as addicted to it. I've been careful to not get into chats, but I know how powerful it could've been if I did. The last thing you/she needs is to make this an attack just now.
Let's be honest here OTMT- you are a porn addict and getting treatment at a facilty, right? According to your older posts. I am getting a little frustrated with some of your posts- I feel like is's some sort of sexual fantasy for you...
This and the post on Brown Eye's thread...
C'mon here- both Allen and City Girl had spoken out about your comments..... these are serious situations- you suggestions are almost insulting!