Storming the Beach

[Wired]

My first stitch has grown a bit lenghty, and honestly it does not truly represent who I am now versus when I first came here.
Original stitch is Here .

In roughly 2 hours from now my wife will be at her attorneys to begin the process. After two weeks of silence she finally wanted to talk to me last night and inform me of this. I thought that was awful nice of her. (sarcasm)

So we spoke about what each of us wanted from the house and what would be best for the kids. I tossed a bit of a wrinkle in her daydream when I let her know my son decided to stay with me, but other then that it went rather smoothly.

Not much to update other than that. Over the next few days will be taking care of some financial things to get everything prepared,retain my attorney and keep praying that somehow this all makes sense and will work out in the end for the best to all involved.

I just wish I could reach her, she is so lost to everyone right now and has blinders on to the rest of the world, but I have to let her choose her own path and try my best to be a lighthouse in the storm that is coming.

Would like to give a big THANK YOU to all posters in this forums and to the questions and answers in many of the stitches here. It has helped a ton and I truly believe I will be able to face what comes my way with dignity and honor to myself and my wife and children as we go down this road.

P.S. Bleh I dont want to have to switch forums to surving..Its soooooo quiet over there

[FindingMyVoice]

In roughly 2 hours from now my wife will be at her attorneys to begin the process.

(((Wired))) Will be thinking of you this morning.

I have to let her choose her own path and try my best to be a lighthouse in the storm that is coming.

Excellent.

P.S. Bleh I dont want to have to switch forums to surving..Its soooooo quiet over there

Like I said to Awoken, you can be wherever you want to be; if you do switch, we'll find you. You can't get rid of us that easily!

[Wired]

Just recieved this in an email, thought I would share it with the rest of the group. Even though its off topic to the purpose of these forums, it has some good advice. I edited out the part where it said send this to 15 friends and your life will get better...



A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:
'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.'

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.
'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She
has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I guess this is it.'

He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died.

He turned to me and said:

'Never save something for a special occasion.

Every day in your life is a special occasion'.

I still think those words changed my life.

Now I read more and clean less.
I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.
I spend more time with my family, and less at work.
I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to,
not survived through.
I no longer keep anything.
I use crystal glasses every day...
I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.
I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I
want to.
The words 'Someday....' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary.
If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see,listen or do it now....

I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she
wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell.

I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.

I'd like to think she would go ou t for Chinese, her favourite food.

It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time
had come..

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.

Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one..

[Wired]

Woops, forgot to say "Thank You" yesterday to PG for the thoughts.

So here is what went down last night when I get home.
Wife asks me if I have a minute to talk, In the happiest mood I could be Im like "sure thing".
She hands me the paperwork that her attorney had drawn up and ask me to read through it. About 20 minutes later Im finished reading through it and set the paperwork on my desk without saying a word and went about getting something to eat.

Couple minutes go by and she asks "Well does everything look agreeable?" I look at her and say "Do I need to answer that right now?, I would like to take a few minutes to think things over." She says fine no hurry.

Well as I stood there cooking and thinking something just popped into my mind that seemed totally wrong with what I had just read.
I go flipping through the paperwork and realize she is asking for almost half of what I make over the next 10 years until she marries or earns a certain earning status...
Long pause here.... deep breath... put down the pairing knife(j/k)
Now dont get my wrong, I have no problems with the child support, the partial custody,Property divide, and even trying to help get her on her feet. Everyone around me says she should not get a cent of maintanance as she will be walking away with a nice chunk of change as it is.
But to me, the day I stand in front of my lord and he asks why did you turn this woman out with nothing.. Well thats just me, it would have made me feel better that I was helping.

So to end this up before I go on an even longer rant, I ask her to come into the bedroom so we can talk for a minute.
In the calmest politest voice I hand her back the paperwork and say "I cannot agree to these terms and I will contest this as it now stands." She looks at me in this shocked deer in the headlights look and walks out.

Few minutes later I hear the front door open and slam as she takes the girls for a walk around the neighborhood.
When she gets back she asks "What is the issue with the paperwork." and I explain the terms of that much money over that long of time is un-reasonable and I will not agree to it.
Funny thing is we talked longer that night then we have in months. The entire time I utilize the tools I have learned here and it was a really good talk.
She actually said goodnight as I went to sleep.

One more day past, another one to look forward to.

[Coach]

Now dont get my wrong, I have no problems with the child support, the partial custody,Property divide, and even trying to help get her on her feet. Everyone around me says she should not get a cent of maintanance as she will be walking away with a nice chunk of change as it is.
But to me, the day I stand in front of my lord and he asks why did you turn this woman out with nothing.. Well thats just me, it would have made me feel better that I was helping.

Your wife is leaving you, don't enable it. The real question to ask yourself is- am I taking a stand the right way to save my marriage and family?

Hire a L to handle the legal side. Then defer all questions to them.

The legal issues help bust the "fog" on what life will be like when divorced. Let your wife confront the brutal reality now all while you leave a clear path back home.

Sounds like you handled a tough conversation well. When in doubt of what to say be still or say "I'm thinking."

[Wired]

Thank you Coach. Ive always been a big hearted person and giving with no expectation has just been engrained into me. But fortunately you and my best friend have helped me see that "enabling" her is the worst thing I can do.
Once again it takes a 2x4 to the head.

[Coach]

Ive always been a big hearted person and giving with no expectation

Well thats just me, it would have made me feel better that I was helping.

Thats the Nice Guy mentality it doesn't work in a marriage over the long term. You are giving with expectation - you want her to like you, see you as big-hearted and not be angry with you. Google Robert Glover and his book "No More Mr Nice Guy" (NMMNG).

Cheers