Almost a year ago I found out my wife was cheating on me. She told me she thought I was leaving her though the thought had never crossed my mind. I almost left her, but after talking to family and friends, I decided to stay and work it out. We went to see a therapist together and though it was hard in the beginning, I eventually started seeing that things were getting better.
The Friday before Mother's Day we had an argument and she went to visit her family all day Saturday. On Sunday she came home and told me she wasn't happy and wanted a divorce. She said she has had doubts about us off and on for the past year and the argument sealed it. I asked if we could try other ways to repair our marriage and she said she didn't want to try anymore. She also said she wanted the divorce done as soon as possible because she saw no reason in dragging it out because there was NO way she was going to change her mind.
That was May 9th. She met an attorney on May 17th and filed the papers. She asked me to move out of our house, so now all my things are in storage. As I began the process of getting my stuff out of the house she would just sit in the room I as working on and cry. She would tell me she loved me and missed me. She would also hug and kiss me periodically. She seemed the most upset when I left each night.
Up until two nights ago she would still call me every night to tell me she loved me, missed me and still wanted me to be the last person she talked to at night. Two nights ago I fell asleep early and missed her call. I sent her a text message yesterday but she hasn't responded yet.
We have been together for 5 1/2 years and got married a year and a half ago. I know there are things I could've done differently if I had known divorce was on her mind but she never told me. We were going to try for a baby this fall, I was looking forward to being a Dad. That's a silver lining in itself, I wouldn't want to put a child through all of this. Everything has happened so fast I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I guess I'm just confused.
Sculley,
I think if you check this out (independently), you will find that she was cheating on you again, that the fight was just intentional "fight-picking" by her (I'm guessing she started it?) and she was using that as an excuse to exit the marriage and be with OM.
She does sound conflicted, and like she wants/needs your friendship. If I were in your shoes (and I was, three years ago this month!), I would work to verify the affair, and I would dial WAY back on the "friendship" thing with your wife.
In ANY event, "that argument sealed it" is bullchit.
Puppy
Here's all the clues you need, right here:
She said she has had doubts about us off and on for the past year and the argument sealed it. I asked if we could try other ways to repair our marriage and she said she didn't want to try anymore. She also said she wanted the divorce done as soon as possible because she saw no reason in dragging it out because there was NO way she was going to change her mind.
Sorry, Sculley. But I've never seen that script when it WASN'T an affair.
Puppy
That's something I've suspected. It's been almost three weeks since she told me she wanted a divorce and I just received the preliminary paperwork in the mail yesterday. As much as it hurts to say it, I gave her a chance last year and if it's the same situation this year I might have to walk away from this one.
Only you can determine if it's a true dealbreaker for you or not, Sculley. If it IS, however, I'd suggest that you get some good, independent intel on what's going on.
And even if it's NOT, it's good to know what you're dealing with.
Marriages CAN heal from this. Mine did.
Puppy
Well, she went to visit family this weekend. This is the second weekend in a row that she's gone to see them. I wouldn't have known she was going but she sent me a text message on Friday to let me know.
I decided to call her. I was very blunt and I asked if she was seeing someone else. At this point it doesn't matter if she is because, from what she has told me, we are done anyway. I basically wanted to know so I could switch my mindset from trying to fix this to trying to move on.
She said there was no one else and that I am all she thinks about. She wants to meet up with me when she gets back in town and she told me that she loves me. I responded in kind and told her to enjoy her weekend. When she arrived at her family's house she text me to say she got there safe and, again, she loves me.
I don't know. I'm just going to go day by day and see what happens. The good thing is since I've had so much free time I have started doing the things I used to like to do again (working out, working on my Jeep, etc) and I'm feeling better about myself. That's a good thing.
Well, she went to visit family this weekend. This is the second weekend in a row that she's gone to see them. I wouldn't have known she was going but she sent me a text message on Friday to let me know.
This is "code" for going to be with the OM again.
She wants to make sure you are still there for her in case it doesn't work with him. She needs a place to land. You are in denial and being naive. This is textbook behavior when there is an affair going on right under your nose. They are always off to visit family, or a long lost girlfriend, or taking a "business trip. And of course the BS always plays right into it by being in denial and wanting so badly to give them the benefit of the doubt. Big mistake.
Well, she went to visit family this weekend. This is the second weekend in a row that she's gone to see them. I wouldn't have known she was going but she sent me a text message on Friday to let me know.
This is "code" for going to be with the OM again.
She wants to make sure you are still there for her in case it doesn't work with him. She needs a place to land. You are in denial and being naive. This is textbook behavior when there is an affair going on right under your nose. They are always off to visit family, or a long lost girlfriend, or taking a "business trip. And of course the BS always plays right into it by being in denial and wanting so badly to give them the benefit of the doubt. Big mistake.
Yep --
BINGO. 100% "script."
Sculley, what part of "independent intel" didn't you understand? Asking her doesn't do any good.
If she is cheating on you, she'll deny it.
If she isn't cheating on you, she'll deny it.
Good luck with that.
ALL CHEATERS LIE -- PERIOD.
Puppy
You are all right. I am being naive and I haven't wanted to admit it. The past year has been difficult dealing with her infidelity last June. She has done things the past year that made me question her actions but she always had a good excuse and got mad at me if I pressed the issue. It's time for me to wake up.
Well, if she is with another man, good luck to him. The first time he pisses her off he'll have a world of sh*t to deal with! Thank you to all of you that have replied to my posts. This site and you people have really helped me out. If anything new happens I'll be sure to put it up for review, lol!
Sculley, all I'm saying is to VERIFY it -- independently.
Puppy
Update:
My wife says she spent the last weekend out of town with family. She sent me a text message on Monday (Memorial Day) around 6pm saying she had made it home and she wasn't able to contact me because her phone died. I felt this was a poor excuse, so I didn't respond. A couple hours later she messaged me again asking what I was doing. I didn't respond. 15 minutes later she sent a text asking if I was mad at her. I didn't respond. A mutual friend tried to contact me, asking how I was doing. Since he hardly ever texts me, I didn't respond.
I finally responded the next day (6/1/10)and said I had gone out and left my phone at home. She responded very quickly and thanked me for contacting her. I asked if I could stop over to pick-up some mail at her house after she got out of work. She said ok, and so I did.
I only meant to be there for a moment, but when I turned to leave she grabbed me and gave me a big hug. I decided to kiss her to see what her reaction was. It became interesting to say the least.
She asked me if we could get together for dinner the next night(6/2/10) and I agreed. We went to our favorite local pub for some chicken wings. Afterward we went for a drive to enjoy the nice weather and talk. We ended up making out at each stop light, it was as if we were first dating again. Things proceeded to get interesting again before I left for the evening.
I don't know what to do about her. Part of me wants to walk away and yet I want to do everything I can to make us work. I guess I have a decision to make. Though she hasn't changed her mind about the divorce it doesn't mean I can't try if I want to.
...and I do understand what you mean by independently verifying it, I don't have the cash flow for something like that.
I only meant to be there for a moment, but when I turned to leave she grabbed me and gave me a big hug. I decided to kiss her to see what her reaction was. It became interesting to say the least.
She asked me if we could get together for dinner the next night(6/2/10) and I agreed. We went to our favorite local pub for some chicken wings. Afterward we went for a drive to enjoy the nice weather and talk. We ended up making out at each stop light, it was as if we were first dating again. Things proceeded to get interesting again before I left for the evening.
Congratulations. You've been "tagged."
She's playing you.
Puppy