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Posted By: mindfull MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/12/10 10:42 AM
You know me if you're here.

I have requested a lock on my old thread...

UPDATE:
So, I got the boys off to school (Tuesday), after a few tears, and some phone calls to teachers (asking for grace on a few assignments). I then spent the day in Madison.

Thank you, Ferg. You are a true friend. HUG

I came home calm, and energized, and ready to face the kids again w/a positive spirit.

NOTE: On the way to Madison, I talked to my very best male friend (and his wife, who I am very close to, as well). I gave them the news of a pending divorce, and they were truly shocked. I asked my very best male friend if he would come w/me to my attorney appointment on Wednesday am, as I thought I needed some advice from someone who knows me, knows Paul, knows a bit about our finances, and is incredibly smart (he's a highly successful businessman). He agreed immediately, and we hung up. He called me back a few minutes later, and asked me to seriously consider switching attorney's. He had made a phone call, and had agreement from the best D attorney in the area to take my case, if I want him to. The very best male friend thinks he is the only one that will drill down to the bottom of our "messiness," and also has resources within his office to handle the financial aspect on-site. The attorney only takes four or five cases a year, and thinks mine is one he would love to handle. (Nice. I feel special being in that elite group. NOT)

So, the very best male friend and I are going at 9:30am.

And, last night, I had the chance to tell a few more of my IRL support moms about the D, and I have full support and help from them whenever I need it. (Funny, when we talk, they all want to go for a walk... Wonder how much more weight I'll lose walking and talking...?)

Good evening at home w/the kids, though. I got a flurry of spew txt's from H during the night, which I handled calmly, and requesting support and compassion for the kids... I can't help him. I can't encourage extended spew either. So, mark my words... LESS is MORE when communicating with him.


Hi Mindful,

I just waded through your previous threads. Wow, you've been through a lot. When I got to the end, and read how your H told your kids he was divorcing you, I teared up.

I've lurked your threads for a long time, never commenting. Today I just wanted to tell you I was out here reading, and wish you the best.
(((MF))) Sounds like you have great friends and a wonderful support system in place!
Come here so we can walk and talk!!! smile

So glad you have such a support system. I think one of my biggest mistakes was trying to hide our separation and D from everyone. In hindsight I know why I did it, because I wasn't DONE and hoped if we could fix things that nobody would ever have to know...it was six months after he moved out before I told anyone other than my mom and sisters. For real! What was I thinking! So having support up front is great.

Good luck at your attorney meeting. I had a great one. Very nice and calming during our first meeting but also let me know he could turn on the 'bad cop' persona if my ex got out of line...

Madison is lucky to have two great guys living there... smile
Posted By: cbih Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/12/10 01:35 PM
As you know, I have kept up with your sitch for months even if I don't have anything to contribute. The recent turn(s) of events have my head spinning so I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

I will be thinking of you today at 9:30. You are handling an extraordinarily difficult situation magnificently (not that I ever believed otherwise) and I, too, am so glad you have such an awesome support system in place (and again...how could it be otherwise?) Best of luck today and always.
Definitely see the shark D attorney, it never hurts to get a second opinion and the best fighter for your sitch. This is not an area where you want to skimp, especially with your complicated finances.

If H is spewing at you through text then just ignore them. There's no law stating you have to respond. You shouldn't accept that type of behavior from anyone. End of story.

It snowed here last night so my motivation to get outside is zero. But I did go to the 6am PB class so that's something!
(((MF))) Sending you strength and comfort. You have such amazing friends! I am glad that they are taking good care of you.
(((((Twin))))))

You are in my prayers my friend...You have my number if you need anything smile
((((((Mindfull))))))
Nothing really to add. But definitely thinking of you. HUGS!
Hey Sweetie,

I hope your STBXH will stop the spew but don't hold out hope. You've rocked his world and he is not in control. He doesn't do that well.

I am glad you are telling that is one of the hardest parts of it because soon you don't know who knows what. I was sitting at a Softball game the other day and one of the moms asked me where my H was? (Mind you, that FGG has attended a few of these games and sat right beside me) I had to tell her we were divorced. She was blown away. She said right in front of FFG.... Oh, I thought this was your H's brother. Awkward and they couldn't look any different as I have upgraded! LOL

Make sure yours is an upgrade as well. Okay that's not nice. My BFF after the first bomb pulled me out every morning for a walk. It's good for the soul!
I'm following along carefully....amongst all your friends...

here for you!

Luv
already posted to the old thread unaware, but sending hugs to you.

I agree with Kalni from before that his D day craziness was due to the changes you have made recently with your interactions with him. His world is being torn down and he doesn't know how to handle it. people in A's are very easily brought to anger and stupid actions. You know that this is NOT your H. otherwise your kids wouldn't be so hurt by this.

I know that your H was a good dad because of your kids reactions. sadly, my 8 year old didn't react as badly as yours. he was more the one taking care of me, but that was because my H wasn't really a great dad, and it showed. he wasn't bad, but he was pretty absent. However, he is a great dad now, still room for improvement, me too, but just shows that people can change.

I hope that it doesn't get any uglier, but it more than likely will because of the circumstances. you just keep your cool throughout, and it might even make him more mad, but you will be the one that holds your head up high and the one that chooses the respectful path. Your kids WILL see that and they can learn from it. and in the meantime do not talk badly about H to them, but talk with compassion because he IS their dad, but he has made bad choices and have allowed himself to be tempted, and temptation turns to sin, and sin to death. And the reason they need to learn compassion is because we all sin, and they need to draw understanding, because guess what. I would bet, that in every family, including my own, there is a 50% chance or higher that one, if not all, of our children will come to the crossroads your H did, and will choose the path of temptation, or their spouse will.

you are definitely not alone mindful, and you have many many people who will support you. you are a strong beautiful woman, there is no doubt.

when you are past your anger, open yourself up to encouraging your H's good father behaviors, because that is most important. He was a good father, and he can be an even better one. unfortunately right now, he is in his crisis and enveloped in his own suffering. do not expect good behavior from him right now, he isn't the man you loved or knew right now, he is the man taken over by sin.
(((((mindfull))))))

I haven't been following your sitch but you and I post on some of the same threads and I wanted to come and offer my support.

You are a strong and wonderful woman and you will come through this all the better for the experience. I'm so sorry that it has come down to this, but you do what you have to do in order to protect you and your kids....period.

Lots of love and virtual hugs to you!
So I don't know if I missed it or you haven't posted it...were you still going to serve him this week? Or will the new attorney situation delay things?

Hugs and martinis...or margaritas...or wine...what was I saying? wink
Thank you everyone for your well wishes.

I had the meeting w/my NEW attorney. He is awesome. He knows how to clean up messes!!! And, a huge surprise... my very best male friend guaranteed my bill up to the retainer amount, so I don't have to give him a retainer! (Everything from old attorney is being transferred immediately.)

We are not making a decision on filing until I see a tax attorney (that my new D attorney set me up with) on Friday. It could be a detriment, based on some IRS issues... They may want to do something else first. Also, if H files first, I can ask for more attorney fees coverage.

I've decided I'm choosing to through this w/comfort and security in my attorney handling the process correctly. No fear. No reactionary behaviors.

I guess I'd better get to work!
Originally Posted By: mindfull

I've decided I'm choosing to through this w/comfort and security in my attorney handling the process correctly. No fear. No reactionary behaviors.


I am liking this. A lot!
Love. It.
Posted By: cbih Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/12/10 06:36 PM
I don't know much, but I do know you will do the right thing. Too bad your H can't say the same...
Posted By: robx Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/12/10 06:38 PM
Originally Posted By: sandycay

I hope your STBXH will stop the spew but don't hold out hope. You've rocked his world and he is not in control. He doesn't do that well.


I would agree with that 100% and I would ignore his texts completely, don't bother replying to any of them, I think it would do him some good to squirm. He didn't value you or the relationship he had with you, and you DB'd your a$$ off literally (ok the diet and exercise may have helped a bit too).
Posted By: robx Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/12/10 06:42 PM
Originally Posted By: mindfull

I've decided I'm choosing to through this w/comfort and security in my attorney handling the process correctly. No fear. No reactionary behaviors.

I guess I'd better get to work!


I would hope that every LBS develops this type of strength, character and attitude.
Rob, thanks for that.

You are absolutely right. I am doing exactly what you said... In fact, he's txt'd me twice this afternoon, more spew re: not going on my business trip this week. Complete ignore.

And, the strength, character and attitude took a long dam* time. But, we're there! I just hope it stays intact during all of this.
Posted By: robx Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/12/10 08:41 PM
Originally Posted By: mindfull
Rob, thanks for that.

You are absolutely right. I am doing exactly what you said... In fact, he's txt'd me twice this afternoon, more spew re: not going on my business trip this week. Complete ignore.

And, the strength, character and attitude took a long dam* time. But, we're there! I just hope it stays intact during all of this.



Don't even sweat it,
who cares how long it took as long as you achieved it and let's be honest, a lot of this may still be scary, uneasy, emotional because it's all unknown but that's ok, you're a strong woman, I'm confident you can handle it.

(and not that you have to worry about how he feels but I'll tell you, your husband has had so much control of this situation for the longest amount of time and this will all be scary for him too, I don't care what act he puts on or how big a grin he tries to display, he's "human" for the most part and the unknown will be scary for him as well)

BIG HUGS to you lady ;-)
Posted By: Coach Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/12/10 09:30 PM
Quote:
the strength, character and attitude took a long dam* time. But, we're there! I just hope it stays intact during all of this.


You will do just fine.

Cheers
Coach
Rob, I'll take the HUGS, and not just because I'm a creep...

Coach, Thank you for your support. smile


Productive evening... No phone calls or txt's from H. I'm getting my homework done for the new attorney. And, I really have to get caught up w/work. Tomorrow is Friday! Yea! Ready for a Friday, and the weekend!
Seriously, you were on page FIVE??

You, my friend, are front page material... smile

Hooray for the weekend! Road trip? wink
BBJ - OK, I must be fuzz brained. What are you talking about, page FIVE? Help!

Weekend should be ok, a definite highlight. Road trip? A few of them, actually...
Sorry, Mind, not like Page Six in the newspaper... smile

Your thread was on the fifth page of the "Newcomers" topic list.

I was just remembering a time a couple years ago (really? I have been here two years?!) when all my favorites were on Page 1 bc we had so much going on at the time, or at least we thought we did!

Road trips are so fun! I am one weirdo who truly enjoys them. Of course, not with toddlers! wink But on my own or better yet with a fun guy sitting next to me, good tunes on the radio, and a fresh fountain pop/soda in the cupholder. Good times!
Hey, BBJ -

NOW I get ya!

Yea. I guess I got boring once some D action got started...

I had a fun girls night, though!

Road trip? I can't stand to drive or ride... GOD! But, I like the fun when I get there!
No major headache? Then it was a successful girls night without being TOO much fun. wink

It's finally Friday! Bet you are looking forward to the weekend. smile
Saw the new tax attorney this am. Apparently, I'm not going to be broke, or really that affected by H's past issues w/the IRS. It will cost me a bit, up front, to have this handled correctly, but I'll bite the bullet, and just do it.

Lunch w/the BFF tonight... That's always fun... Then, I need to run boys around for the afternoon (after school), and then another FINE FRIDAY NIGHT planned. smile

I wonder how this weekend will go... If H will show up, or not. I highly doubt it. It's too bad, too. It's D18's birthday tomorrow. We're celebrating on Sunday.

Tomorrow - an EARLY am soccer game, local... S10 is going to a birthday party... a LATE soccer game, under the lights, out of town... AND, S13 is baby-sitting for the BFF.
Sunday - D18 birthday celebration at lunchtime... a soccer game out of town, and a basketball game out of town.

Hope all goes ok. Hope H doesn't abandon the kids. I txt'd him their activity schedule this am (no response).

Ready to move on!!!
Great news from the tax attny!

Have a terrific weekend!
Posted By: cbih Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/14/10 05:53 PM
Reading all you do every day, especially weekends, makes me feel tired and lazy! Happy b-day to D18 (soon to be 19!) Hope it's a good weekend for all of you (except H, of course).
(((Mind)))
Your schedule sounds like mine!
You are doing the right thing keeping H informed of the schedule.... the ball is in his court. And, as ST brought up a few posts back, you always be connected to H due to the kids, so doing the "right things" now will only be to your benefit. And of course, the kids' benefit. Hang in there! smile
((Mind)) - hope you have a GREAT weekend......and open another one of those bar coded bottles................
glad to hear the tax thing won't be as bad as you think.

fyi, I would expect no response because that is what you have been doing to him, so he's going to react based on your reactions. even though it has to do with the kids. But remember, he's messed up in the head right now, and very lost. He will come out of it someday though, so it is important to not lose your cool.

hope your D has a great bday considering the circumstances, I know this is all going to be hard, but your tough, and I know you will get them all thru this.
There weren't any bar codes on the bottles of Scotch. whistle

--Fergie
So, the H showed up last night... was waiting in foyer when I got in late. He was in tears, and tried to hug me.


I asked him to step away from me, and leave. This is way too little too late. He broke me down once, and, he will not be allowed back in to do it again.

I felt good.

So, this am... he showed up at S13's soccer game. And, afterward, follows us home... He comes in my office to temperature check my mood. I calmly told him..."Listen, I'm glad you want to be involved w/the boys. I don't want to be around you, SO, here's my suggestions re: splitting duties w/them this weekend..."

So, he is handling one of them for games, etc... and I'm handling the other... for today and tomorrow.

And, on Monday am if he is still here. My conversation will include... Have you retained an attorney? If so, good, here is the card of mine. Please direct all communications to him. If not, you had better soon, because if you don't file, I will. Immediately.

That's it.
Originally Posted By: Fergie
There weren't any bar codes on the bottles of Scotch. whistle

--Fergie


EVIL LAUGH
Thanks to everyone for the feedback!!! I love it!
Originally Posted By: mindfull
So, the H showed up last night... was waiting in foyer when I got in late. He was in tears, and tried to hug me.

WTF?

I asked him to step away from me, and leave. This is way too little too late. He broke me down once, and, he will not be allowed back in to do it again.

THIS ^

Wow....you are strong girl!!! Don't know if I could have done that...not that Dan ever came begging...
Posted By: kara Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/16/10 03:16 AM
Mind,

How are you?

I am glad to see that Mr. Mind has made contact with the boys and is spending time with them.

Hope you are getting a little self-care time. These events are stressful smile
LUV - Thank you. Got your txt's. Glad I could help... I have some time (FINALLY) today. I need to go, and get caught up w/you. LUV YOU!

BBJ - There came a time, about a month ago, after months of work to regain my self confidence and strength, that my very best BFF said to me, "Mindfull. Have you finally found yourself? Because you finally look, happy."

I have another friend, that sent me a txt this week, after taking me out and getting me stupid silly... "One small pathetic man in this world is not going to bring me down and ruin my spirit."

*** NOTE TO FORUM - NOT MAN BASHING. LOL

Kara - Thank you. I am glad he's spending time w/them, as well... Not thrilled to have him in such close vicinity, BUT, I'll handle it, temporarily, for the boys (and D19's sake).

Self care time? Yep! Handled! THANK YOU!



UPDATE:

So, yesterday proved to be a bit stressful... But, I'm handling it ok.

Before S10 and I left for his out-of-town soccer game, H walks into my office, where I'm gathering directions, schedules, etc... And, I tell him that I think it would be a good idea, since S13 will be gone (baby-sitting for the BFF), and S10 and I will be at the game, to gather some of his "things" together. It's better to do it when they are not home. He is a bit shocked, and comments/questions... "You're not really kicking me out?" (or something similar) I just replied that divorced/separated people don't reside in the same home, so, why not use the time wisely?

Then, I got to S10's game, and had a small anxiety attack. This week I had told a small handful of soccer mom's about the situation w/H and I, and they are PISSED now. And, I've told them not to share w/the other parents, but please fill their spouses in (because their spouses are friendly w/H). So, we walk up to the game, and, first thing, my favorite, all-time soccer dad (who practically worships my H - it is sickening), completely bare hugs me, won't let go, and is tearing up talking to me in my ear. (He's not being creepy... just overwhelmed w/grief for our family, and utter disappointment in my H.) Then, another one looks at me odd, another one pulls me aside and asks if I need money (LOL). And, then about 2-3 others (that know nothing) are asking... "So, Mindfull, where's H today?" "Mindfull, is H working on a SATURDAY now?" BlahBlahBlah

I can't take it. All of a sudden, I really can't breathe. Favorite soccer dad comes up, and says... "Let me get you out of here." I tell him I'll be okay, and to just give me a minute. I'll take a walk, and shake it off. So, I did, and called Fergie, who just provided a kind, calm voice. (THANKS, Ferg.)

Then... now this is a State Cup soccer game, and S10's little team is a tournament team, who have progressed through three phases of the brackets. It's pretty important in regards to their season(s). And, S10 is the full-time goalkeeper. (No pressure, huh?) We end up tied at the end of the game, and in State Cup games, it now goes to a PK shoot-out. (Now, THAT is not stressful!!!) We lose, by one. S10's teams shooters shot right at the opposing gk - easily saved, and S10 lets one in, over his head. Right as they are going to line up, I notice S10 take a kid and SHOVE HIM to the ground, and immediately the ref cards S10. I just thought he was ticked, and wasn't exactly beaming proud, but gk's are a bit fiesty to begin with, and he just lost in a PK shootout in a tournament game...

Well, later our coach came up to me, and said he had to talk to me. I thought S10 shoved an opponent. It wasn't. It was his own teammate. The coach said that he heard why. His teammate yelled at him after the game, "You missed that goal because you didn't have your head in the game. Wish your dad would come back so you could concentrate. " The coach pulled S10 aside, and told him... you didn't lose that game for us. You were our best chance to win. Your shooters didn't do their job.

I could have just cried for my little boy.
And....you just made me cry. I am so sorry for you and for your kids. Through my own situation and that of others, I have become aware of a level of selfishness I have never before personally experienced.

GRR! If I were there we'd cut through those wine bottles in half the time...

Hugs lady...
(((((Mindfull)))))

It will get better! I promise. You be the example you know your kids need. I'm glad you have such great friends. I have a feeling the coach might straighten out the out of line kid, too.

More hugs!
BBJ - Sorry about the tears! Some parts of this situation just plain suck... I like your thoughts about the wine... smile

Jeff - I'm trying! I think you're right about the coach. He's kind of kick-as$ like that, anyhow... Told the same little boy (during the game, loud enough for us all to hear). "Bobby, MEN don't cry in soccer! Suck it up!" Guess S10 is willing to give him something to cry about! LoL



UPDATE

Some things packed up...
Not leaving me laundry anymore... (YA GET IT NOW, HUH?)
Sleeping in the pub, now that D19 has taken over the guest room...

Yesterday, we (as a family) took D19 out for her birthday for lunch, and gave her gifts... This all went fine...

Then, H took S10 to his away soccer game, and D19 and S13 went home to do homework.

I had the best time I have had in a REALLY long time after that. I went to see Fergie's pipe band play in a parade... Just amazing!!! Really fun band members, too. I think I made some new friends! (Note, none come close to looking as good as him in a kilt! No - what's that word, Ferg? - up-kilt viewings, though. DARN!) If he'll let me, I'll post some pics to the alt...

After that, I came home, and took S13 to summer basketball game. His foot is holding up pretty good. They won!

We got home fairly late, and H tried to engage me several times. I am not answering/acknowledging anything to/from him, unless it is about the kids. This am, I planned on asking him, in person, if he had retained an attorney, and what his thoughts are... (If he hasn't, he had better, because the papers are coming from me...) If I go ahead and let him file, my L will ask for attorney fees. So, if he will, I think I'll let him... It could save a TON of money, that I'm not sure I'll have later. I may have to swallow my need to zing him to save THOUSANDS... It may be worth it. I'm happy. I'm strong. I'm confident. I've found what it looks like on the other side.

OK, I HAVE to get busy this am!!!
Just had the "really hard conversation" w/H. And, it actually went well. I'll update later. Need to think about it.
Glad the convo went well. You are handling things so much better than I ever did! Glad you got to see Ferg in his element, hope he lets you post pics! wink
Sorry to hear about your weekend low points but the high points are nice.

One foot in front of the other!
MF, so much happened while I was out of town!

Hugs to you and the kids. You are doing great with all this crap so keep up the good work.

When you have a free minute, please find some motivational words for me to start running again!
Posted By: Coach Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/17/10 06:29 PM
Quote:
please find some motivational words for me to start running again!


On your mark.

Get set.

GO!
BBJ - Thanks, I think. Hope I don't fold!

Sandycay - You're right. Each one is a little easier, once a decision is made. I'm smiling.

Pearl - OK, first of all... GET OFF YOUR AS$. And, thanks for the kudos. Onward, Upward!
Originally Posted By: Coach
Quote:
please find some motivational words for me to start running again!


On your mark.

Get set.

GO!


LOL! I can hear coach playing a drumroll to start it all off!
Hey Mindful,

I don't post on your thread, but I lurk it often.
Thanks for all the inspiration. You are a great parent, so just keep it up. Like puppy likes to say, your family needs a hero now!
Awoken - Thank you! My family needs a hero? I think you're right...
I think I've taken on too much w/this new role in my company...
Posted By: Coach Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/18/10 01:54 AM
Stop that thinking. You are stressed because of your M.


DB your job.
Coach... You're probably right...

It's a bit out of my comfort zone, but necessary for my family life.

Thank you for the Coaching.
Gimme an M...

Gimme an I...

Gimme an N...

Gimme a D...

What's that spell?

AWESOME! (louder!) AWESOME! (louder) AWESOME!

(Now picture me jumping and kicking and shaking my pom poms) grin

You are the best, chica! You are handling everything so well...it's ok to feel overwhelmed at work, you are jumping into new territory. Everything has its own learning curve. You will figure it out.

Btw thought of you last night when I read my sister's book "Are You there Vodka? It's Me Chelsea"...yeah I think she could probably fit in to our crazy group of ladies. wink
Posted By: robx Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/18/10 03:10 PM
Originally Posted By: mindfull
Coach... You're probably right...

It's a bit out of my comfort zone, but necessary for my family life.

Thank you for the Coaching.



This is all new, time to create a new comfort zone and when that happens, you'll be wondering how you were "comfortable" in that old comfort zone for so long before.

I'm confident you can handle it, no worries ;-)
Posted By: robx Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/18/10 03:12 PM
Originally Posted By: BobbiJo


(Now picture me jumping and kicking and shaking my pom poms) grin



Taken totally out of context,
a lot of men reading this will just smile and say "yeah, I'd love to picture you doing this!"

LOL!
LOL!^^^^ Sooo true though. smile
Well, I WAS a high school cheerleader and college pom pom/dance girl. Mind too, so we are double trouble! wink
ACK! I stopped reading your thread for a week or two and now this! I'm so sorry for the sh!tty weekend of Mom's day and so proud of how you're handling yourself since. I know your attitude is an inspiration to a lot of people here. I'm mostly in the alt now, but I guess I'll try to check in a little more often so I don't miss so much!

((((Mind))))
OK, how did this get so out of control in such a short time? LOL

BBJ - LOVE the cheer!! You're right... I forgot we "matched" w/the high school cheer / college dance team.

And, Chelsea's book. LoL LoL NUMBER EIGHT thinks I need to read her two other books. I'm getting them shortly. Will give an update!

Seriously, love the support, girlfriend!!

ROB - You're right, the current discomfort WILL BECOME the new confidence! I would just like permission to whine for a minute, as I stare at 110 emails from just yesterday, and from just... MY BOSS! GOD! Sh*T! All I did was go out to lunch! (BEAM)

Alice - It's hel1 to keep up with here! smile Thanks for coming in and supporting! I read your updates in the alt all the time!!! Love the quote, btw... smile


UPDATE: Will update conversation w/H soon. Wicked busy. Also, wanted to say it outloud to someone else first...
Wicked busy sounds good. I am sidelined on the couch with some random bug....good luck wading through the emails! smile
thinkin about ya!
So, the conversation w/H on Monday was good and bad...

Conversation Talking Points?

-- Thankfully, he's not abandoning the kids.

-- He was just "frustrated" when he blew his top, and dropped the bomb on my kids and family. (I voiced my "frustration" with his ability to be such a jackas$. Trust me.)

-- He is putting my needs first... (What are they, H?) My need for FREEDOM! (Hey, last time I checked, I've been trying to hold this together for 2 1/2 years! And, if I wanted FREEDOM, 2 1/2 years ago when you abandoned our M (emotionally and sexually), I would have done something about it then.

-- He wants the kids to be able to stay in our home. (NOT happening. It's WAY TOO MUCH for me to handle, no matter how much money he throws at me (That he doesn't have!).

-- He wants to be able to have both of us supporting their activities, and him be around on the weekends, but leave at night (so they don't have to go between homes). Gee, H, that sounds grand. THOUGHT WE WERE DIVORCING! So, I think, NOT! I am willing to work with him, schedule-wise, because one person cannot do their activities alone and, no matter what JACKLOAD he is to me, pre-blow-up, he was a good Dad. But, NO you will not have access to my home and them, whenever convenient. I will stay in our home through the summer, because a) IT ROCKS in the summer, and b) I'm just plain not going through showings w/the kids home all summer.

-- He doesn't have time to go see D attorney's. (OK, then why fire everyone up, take the innocence from my boys and family, etc... and go wielding insults and threats? F*n stupid) So, I told him he has a very short time to get that done, otherwise, I will force him to. (My L wants him to file first to save me money on L fees. BUT, I'm not waiting on it... LONG)

-- He thinks his "friend" (and I use that term loosely) and his W have a great set-up. The W and kids are in the house. H has an apartment 3 miles away. He comes and goes as he pleases, when it suits him. GEE, SIGN ME UP FOR THAT! NOT


I can tell you all. He just plain doesn't know what to do with me, NOT CARING, NOT RESPONDING, NOT ALERTING (to his idiotic actions). Last night, I got home from soccer w/the boys, and H is here, w/a guy doing something w/a boat lift. He starts ranting and raving about no one here to help, no one wanting to help, no one appreciating his contribution, etc... I tell him (in so many words) that he didn't bother to let anyone know he'd be here, and I'm done jumping through hoops to accommodate his moods/activities/lifestyle. Handle it on your own. (Boat lift guy in presence) Boat Lift guy says to H (after I finish), "She IS a piece of work, H." I look at Boat Lift guy... "YES I AM, SIR. YES, I AM!"

I go in the house, get the kids dinner, make sure their homework is getting started... And, leave to go for a walk/run. Upon return, an hour later, he's gone. Good F*'n Riddance.

I may sound bitter, but I'm really not. I'm glad to be done w/him. I'm not emotional anymore, and that feels amazing. I'm focusing on making sure the kids are okay, and I'm moving forward w/my plan (even though it keeps getting adjusted.)

Thanks, everyone!
T - Good to talk to you yesterday. Onward and upward, my friend!
I particularly like the part where his solution to not having the kids go between two homes sounds suspiciously like the current setup he has now; He's there when he wants to be and gone at night. Nice gig, if you can get it.

((HUGS))

--Fergie
Posted By: Kalni Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/20/10 11:50 AM
I agree with Ferg. He just wants to make it official. Less stress, more fun, "everybody is happy"... Cake eating master.
K

PS So, does he know you know about his "friend" and the current set up?
((((((Mindfull))))))
In my experience, with kids fairly similar in age, going between homes doesn't seem to bother them a bit. I think they'd get more confused by the mixed message of him popping in and out whenever the mood struck him.

Isn't it interesting... in his plan, he gets to have his alternate life, and yet he still gets to control yours! I think not! He needs to have time (not necessarily equal) with the kids, when he is responsible for the kids, on his turf. And you can have a life on yours,
Originally Posted By: Fergie
Nice gig, if you can get it.


Ferg... o/~ And, the walls come tumbling down...

Originally Posted By: Kalni
PS So, does he know you know about his "friend" and the current set up?


Kalni... I have purposely not brought it up yet. I am thinking of it now, as a negotiating point, or PAUSE for dramatic affect. If I have to serve him, I'll do it to the apartment. If he serves me, I'll reply back to his petition there. BUT, don't get me wrong... I will NOT deprive myself of the shock factor of an in person outing. GROWL! LOL

Originally Posted By: Virtually_Handsome
He needs to have time (not necessarily equal) with the kids, when he is responsible for the kids, on his turf. And you can have a life on yours,


Jeff... you're preaching to the choir!!! I will get it some version of MY WAY, because it's the right way for the boys. He's done getting to control my future. FINITO!



It's funny... no emotions about anything... just calm... and, some joy!!!
Originally Posted By: mindfull
-- He thinks his "friend" (and I use that term loosely) and his W have a great set-up. The W and kids are in the house. H has an apartment 3 miles away. He comes and goes as he pleases, when it suits him. GEE, SIGN ME UP FOR THAT! NOT


That is exactly what my H would like to have, only he lives 5 hours away. He wants to come home and play happy family, whenever he feels like.
Originally Posted By: NNP1965
Originally Posted By: mindfull
-- He thinks his "friend" (and I use that term loosely) and his W have a great set-up. The W and kids are in the house. H has an apartment 3 miles away. He comes and goes as he pleases, when it suits him. GEE, SIGN ME UP FOR THAT! NOT


That is exactly what my H would like to have, only he lives 5 hours away. He wants to come home and play happy family, whenever he feels like.


THIS is EXACTLY what I LET my ex do, for 9 months, after he moved out January 2009. And I regret it. He moved out (to his parents', classy) and then he stopped by almost every night to hang out with the kids, after work until they went to bed, then he left. But if he found a better option on a particular night, he didn't come.

So he got to see them as much as he wanted while still being able to have his own private time and/or time with ow. Meanwhile I was attached to the kids 24/7, sometimes with him, sometimes without him. I allowed it, thinking that having 'family time' gave him a chance to see and appreciate me---yeah, cause that did the trick the prior 10 years?!

So anyway good for you on not allowing that to happen...
He thinks his "friend" (and I use that term loosely) and his W have a great set-up. The W and kids are in the house. H has an apartment 3 miles away. He comes and goes as he pleases, when it suits him. GEE, SIGN ME UP FOR THAT! NOT

Right??!!
I know I'm still testy from my evening yesterday, but I just want to fly out there and beat the crap out of your H! (Probably because it wouldn't be good if I smacked BF like I really want to.)

He wants to just come and go as he pleases? Agree with Fergie & Jeff, sounds exactly like what he already does. WHATEVER! and HELL NO!

Glad to hear the emotions have subsided and you're able to move forward with the evolving plan. You're right to hold onto the knowledge of the "secret" apartment to use it to your advantage. Follow your L's advice to get the best deal.

So if you're selling the house, we need to get on this girls' weekend! Yes, I'm volunteering you to host us and inviting myself. Very gauche but I want to see your house! laugh
Posted By: Dane Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/20/10 04:48 PM
I am impressed you held your words with the boatlift douche. I would have "outed" the STBX right there. It is none of his business.

You are handling this so well. Newcomers need to follow your lead.

There is no way he has NOT talked to a lawyer, he is smarter than that.
He is not filing because he knows the consequences of doing so.
The idea of responding to his filing at his "secret" apt is pretty cool.
Mind- I LOVE your attitude! We are all cheering you on from our respective computers out here grin
Originally Posted By: BobbiJo
So anyway good for you on not allowing that to happen...[/color][/b]

BBJ - What was Kara's thread's name? DONE, FINITO, FINISHED!

Luv - Hence, the NOT! smile

Pearl - We ARE doing the girls weekend. And, no worries. I met w/my realtor this am. The boys get out of school in a week or so, and I don't want a parade of showings while they're home for the summer. (They are messy, and they have had enough disruption.) So, depending on deed status, mortgage info, etc... we're going to do a pocket listing through the middle of August, and see what sticks. The house SHOULD be sought after, since there are so few on the river here... AND, most are small(er). Ours is special. I have some work to have done on it in order to show it anyhow. We have time, girlfriend!!! Ideally, I get the work done, THEN we have the girls weekend! It'll be show room ready, then! (Feel free to smack when ready, btw... I WON'T be offended!)

Dane - I've learned a lot of patience, which is something I never have had a lot of! My L keeps telling me to "slow down". This is not a race. And/or telling me I would make an awful chess player! I'm an implementer. So, once I'm on a path. Get the hel1 out of my way, if you're not on the program... Yea, the Love Shack will get force fed a new vibe. smile
All I can say is you are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

(and I would like to join Pearl in the ass kicking!)
C to the G -

Thank you!

Come on for the girls weekend! We need another blonde! You will get your shot! We'll find him...
I would LOVE to come! I will bring Luv along (and lots of wine!)
wine? did someone say wine? where do i sign up? smile
Posted By: talia Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/20/10 11:51 PM
OMG! OMG! OMG! MINDFULL... OMG!

I have a personal crisis for 8 weeks and come back to .... THIS??!!!!!


You are AMAZING!!!! Your kids will realize someday what a wonderful mother you really are....

I'm going to track you down in the alt for more updates. It took me 1.5 hours to catch up!!!!!

My advice... file yourself... screw H. I wish I had done it in Jan myself... things would be better! (yes Pearl.... you were right wink )

Keep it up girl - you are an inspiration!!!

OH - Girls weekend? I could use a mini vacation...... smile


HUGS!!

T
Geez - Activity Galore!

You girls really do come out, when there's wine involved. So, it's settled, we will all hang, and drink H's private collection!!

Tal - I was just wondering about you yesterday. How are ya, friend? I missed you! HUG!
Quote:
So, it's settled, we will all hang, and drink H's private collection!!


Hey! Let me know when and where and I will bring my WH's private collection too! haha!!!
NM - Hehehe You're on the list!




I'm golfing today. Yippeee! It's not perfect weather, but I'm ready. Superb weekend planned.
Posted By: Coach Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/21/10 12:53 PM
Quote:
I'm golfing today. Yippeee! It's not perfect weather, but I'm ready. Superb weekend planned


That new position at work sounds real stressful. whistle smirk smile grin
Coach,

Seriously, look at me. I'm frazzled! smile

I may have a new stressful position, but I have the best boss EVER. And, he's the owner. And, he's a long-time friend.

So, I get a lot of leeway!

I have him fooled. He thinks I rock. LOL
I'm in for drinking an X husband's private collection LOL
Gee MF ~ that's just what donkey did the first time he left, he even came over before school to help them get ready and allowed and we went out with our friends and kids bowling just like a happy family except it kept me in hell. So this time when he took off... asking for him to meet me with the keys was the first thing I said in response.

Time of filing Nov. 23

Divorce Final April 14th less than 5 months and I pushed attorneys hard!

Heck my attorney even fronted the other attorney money because it was getting stalled due to EXH not paying him. So I'll pay my attorney back. It was/is worth every nickel.

I ended up paying for the divorce that I didn't ask for but well I'm worth it!

Just remember to put the clubs away after play cause someetimes people trip and fall and wack their heads really hard on them. I wouldn't want that to happen to anyone if your family. Just sayin!
Originally Posted By: sandycay
Just remember to put the clubs away after play cause someetimes people trip and fall and wack their heads really hard on them. I wouldn't want that to happen to anyone if your family. Just sayin!
sandycay, LOL. I like you way you think. Except I think I'm a little scared of you now... smile
Let me know when to put the girls' weekend on my calendar! (It doesn't have to be a weekend for me.)

I'm off for the next 10 days. BF and I are taking a road trip around the state. He's already been warned that if he gets too annoying I'm going to reach across the car, open his door, and push him out. Anyway, didn't want you to think I'm abandoning you. smile

I'll check in when I'm back after Memorial Day. Keep on doing what's best for MF!
Luv - haha. I'm sure you would, too!

Sandycay - Honey, now you have scared me, too! But, I love it! A strategically placed driver, in a purposely darkened hallway... Beauty! A nice thump might knock some sense into SOMEONE!

And, unfortunately, I may end up w/your option of leading the D through the process. GrrR! But, I will, to get it done!

Ferg - watch yiur step around here! wink
Pearl - You two are adventurous! I like that! Have a really good time. You deserve it! Ill pray for boyfriends ability to no be annoying!

Talk when you get back!
Just sticking my head to see how you are doing hun! Im well impressed at your comeback! Bet H doesnt know whats hit him lol! Nearly died laughing at the boat man bit..
Originally Posted By: Fergie
Originally Posted By: sandycay
Just remember to put the clubs away after play cause someetimes people trip and fall and wack their heads really hard on them. I wouldn't want that to happen to anyone if your family. Just sayin!
sandycay, LOL. I like you way you think. Except I think I'm a little scared of you now... smile



Now, now... I'm no bunny boiler & donkey has no knots on his head! As long as everyone plays fair, no one gets hurt! wink
Just back from an overnight, AWAY from home, AWAY from H, AWAY from kids! It was totally awesome! I'd like to say I'm energized, and re-fueled to return to this chaos, but I had so much fun, I need about a five hour nap, Motrin, and junk food.

Fergie invited him to watch his pipe band play, and it was amazing. Then, we went to a bar and watched his friends band play outside. Totally fun! I haven't had that much fun in a very long time...

Off to soccer... Where's my nap?!!?!?
You must be exhausted. Have a Red Bull without the vodka or the Jager this time. LOL.

--Fergie
Ferg - I think part of the exhaustion is BECAUSE of the Red Bull w/vodka and/or Jager. Blech!




I'm off to UIC this am for an installation of something I sold... It feels like half of our company will be there, so, I guess I must go... LEAD! Ick! I only like being in charge of me. Period.

And, it's hotter than hel1 here.... 91 on tap today.

H was home over the weekend, handling the kids. They are safe and unscathed. We'll leave it at that. I'm annoyed. I let him know that this living situation, even interim, is not working for me. We need to get something set.

Everyone have a good day!!!
You have a good one too mind!

Go be the.....LEADER!!!!!!!

Following the leader, the leader, the leader, we're following the leader wherever 'she' may go! For those of you trying to place where those words are from....it's a song from Disney's Peter Pan. grin
MISHKA - Thank you. I led, as much as I could, yesterday am...




Today, I turn over most of my sales responsibilities. A new chapter... Not sure I will like it, but, I'll do it. It just makes more sense.
(((mind)))

gotta do what ya gotta do
Looks like a move is in the not-so-distant future! UGH!
Posted By: cbih Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 05/25/10 07:12 PM
Really? Oh, I'm so sorry...I know you were hoping to get through the summer. Is it job-related? Or D?
CBIH - I have to move because our house is too much for either of us to keep separately. Plus, it carries a bad vibe now. I'm looking at either renting a house, right by my boys school, or buying a condo. I found a condo that backs up to some nice soccer fields, and a great bike path. That's the only way a condo would work.

So, we will see what happens. It appears that my H is pulling all financial support from me. I have my tax and divorce sttorney's working on this diligently, so, I'm confident it won't last long.

Its the last week of school, so my boys are reslly excited for summer.
I transitioned a lot of my prior workload, so soon I will be more focused, and less stressed about work.

Life is good!
Following along...sucks but you have to deal with what's in front of you. I knew we'd have to sell our house in K.C. when we were splitting up bc I could NOT keep up 10 acres by myself! Then I decided to move back 'home' so I would have family support. Even though Dan was hinting at reconciling then (wow 2 years ago!), I specifically chose and bought a house I liked that I knew I could maintain without him. That way, when he came and then left again, I wasn't screwed...

Enough about me! Hopefully you will find a new home that you and the boys will enjoy. Anywhere you are will be home to them, you know...
BBJ - Thank you! I think I found a great option... We will see!


Busiest work day of the century on tap... I have sh*t to get done!
(((((Mindfull)))))
One thing to remember.... whatever you decide right now doesn't have to be permanent. In fact, I think it would be better to keep your flexibility for a while, unless you are sure.
Originally Posted By: Virtually_Handsome
(((((Mindfull)))))
One thing to remember.... whatever you decide right now doesn't have to be permanent. In fact, I think it would be better to keep your flexibility for a while, unless you are sure.


True, if you can rent a place or sign a short-term lease (6 months or a year) that might be a good plan. In my case I knew once we got back 'home' I'd stay here indefinitely, so I bought a house. Plus there are no good rentals in my little town, just crappy foreclosures they rent cause no one will buy them!
Jeff and BBJ -

Best case scenario is a 12-month house rental in one of several neighborhoods.

Back-up plan... purchase something that is an easy re-sale, or something my parents would want.

I just hope my decision to do this isn't made for me before I'm ready!

Thanks for checking in...
That's true, you know your area so you would know which properties are likely to have good resale...

In my case I knew it was win-win because the house I bought is .2 miles from the PreK-2nd grade building, and .1 miles from the Middle School. Plus it had a good-sized, but non-landscaped yard. It was so much easier to have a garden co. put in new landscaping when there was nothing to take out! So I know if I do decide to move it won't be that hard to sell...
Ugh.

Don't even talk about landscaping. I have no vision or even know what plant is what. I'm always asking myself, "Is that supposed to be there or is it a weed?". I have no idea what to do with the yard, especially if I have the sell.

I'm more of a just mow here and don't mow there kind of guy. And sometimes I'm not so good about the second thing.

--Fergie
I hear ya on the plant vs. weed debate! I've been watching something grow in the flower bed around my mailbox for about a week now that I can't identify. I would hate to just pull it if it's seeds that have just finally germinated!! LOL
Originally Posted By: Fergie
Ugh.

Don't even talk about landscaping. I have no vision or even know what plant is what. I'm always asking myself, "Is that supposed to be there or is it a weed?". I have no idea what to do with the yard, especially if I have the sell.

I'm more of a just mow here and don't mow there kind of guy. And sometimes I'm not so good about the second thing.

--Fergie


Ferg - Seriously...? You have a fault? SHOCK! I think we need to talk about this...
MISHKA - I'm great at knowing what to do... not so great at implementing it. I have some soccer dad's that handle it! They are so sweet!
Quote:
Ferg - Seriously...? You have a fault? SHOCK! I think we need to talk about this...
I have many faults, but plants are my Achilles heel.

My coworker knows what every plant and tree is, does major gardening, and I feel like an idiot.

I'm not sure if it doesn't interest me or if I have some learning disability when it concerns plants. LOL.

--Fergie
I don't know about all plants and trees, but

A)I know what I like
B)I know how to call people who DO know! wink

I knew the area of the yard I wanted landscaped, I knew how I wanted it to look, and I knew I wanted to attract birds and butterflies. I also typed up a list of the plants/flowers I KNEW I wanted (white daisies, purple salvia, butterfly bushes, black-eyed susans, etc).

Then I looked up garden centers in our area and called up a family-owned place where we always get our Chrismtas tree. The owner himself came down, spent 20 minutes looking and listening, and had a plan. Of course he measured and did other technical stuff after that... whistle One week later he had a blueprint drawn up. It had a ton of extra things I hadn't thought of, I kept some and crossed some out. Then they installed it, and I just have to do upkeep now (watering, weeding, replacing stuff that dies). Long story I know but it looks so much better now!

Of course if you are not keeping your current place I probably would not bother. If you are, I will say that extra landscaping also eqauls LESS GRASS to mow! wink
I don't know anything about landscaping, and/or plants, flowers, etc...

I plant flowers in my pots. They look nice for a month or so, and then I'm tired of watering them. They die by mid-July.



Ferg... based on what I just typed... a condo is looking better by the minute! LoL
Originally Posted By: mindfull
I don't know anything about landscaping, and/or plants, flowers, etc...

I plant flowers in my pots. They look nice for a month or so, and then I'm tired of watering them. They die by mid-July.



Ferg... based on what I just typed... a condo is looking better by the minute! LoL


Yeah, if you don't want to deal with a yard, get a condo! Or a home in one of those neighborhoods where someone comes and does yard work and snow removal....
Quick update, then I need to get to work...

-- Separation is a roller-coaster that I'm not willing to ride, long...

-- I miss my boys terribly when they are with their Dad...

-- Limbo does not become me...

-- I'm forever grateful to my closest of friends...

-- I wasn't prepared for summer vacation (for the boys) to arrive so quickly...

-- D19 is moving out, again...

-- I have to get to work. Blech.
MF, back from the road trip and catching up.

Sorry to hear that you may have to leave the house earlier than originally planned. BF and I had a major serious convo Sat night and one of the topics was that we both do NOT like the upkeep required for this house. Too much work, feel like there's always something that has to be done. Really looking forward to moving into an apartment or condo with minimum maintenance. I would gladly give up space and stuff to simplify.

Hang in there, the secret to riding the roller coaster is to try to find the fun moments and remember that there is an end.

Hugs!

P.S. I didn't kill BF on the trip but during paintball I wanted to rip his head off. Long story. Bottom line is that I told him I feel like things really haven't changed much since pre-bomb days and that there may be too much baggage for me now. But then we had a nice couple days. Who knows what's going on. All I know is that I started outdoor conditioning today and got a much needed ass kicking. wink
Pearl - Yea... I'm not thrilled about moving, but, yet, I'm THRILLED about moving!



So, here's the latest, based on the bullets above...

-Tax attorney has some final numbers and paperwork to show me early this week.
-Divorce attorney has a divorce petition tee'd up and ready to go, in case I haven't been served, prior to my taxes being filed (married, filing separately).
-Working on some sort of visitation schedule for H w/the boys. He's here too much now, when I am. And, I don't feel like I can be me with him around. So, I'm putting together a schedule for the month of June for his review. (Blech!)
-I'm either going to rent a home/condo, OR my parents will buy a home/condo for me to rent from them and/or assume the mortgage at a later date. House shopping is kind of fun.
-I'm continuing to enjoy my favorite DB'er. smile
Sounds like you have a very good legal team!

Shopping is shopping, enjoy the house hunt!

Glad you are enjoying all things in life!

I thought of you this weekend. I was at a benefit and saw a lady in the most gorgeous yellow dress!

I can't stop using exclamation marks!

Why stop using them now?!!!!

CG -

I do. And, I am very appreciative of them! (Exclamation!)

I have a wedding to go to at the end of the month, and was wondering what to wear... A friend of mine owns a great boutique here locally. She heard about my divorce, and brought me over a present... a ridiculously overpriced summer dress. Y E L L O W! And, it fits beautifully! I guess I know what I'm wearing now! Love how that all comes together...

I love the !!!!! They're kind of like yellow... Way better than being BEIGE, like a ...!!!!
I *LOVE* house shopping. I think my realtors probably hate me but I've seen 100+ houses the first and third time (second was in Anchorage and there just aren't that many options). I think I'm going to help a friend apartment hunt here in the next couple weeks. Not quite the same but still fun.

And I have a yellow dress to wear to the two weddings I'm attending this month! Got it at my fave boutique in SF in January, just biding my time to wear it. Gonna wear the blue suede pumps with it and carry the blue sequined clutch.

Yay on having attnys who are on the ball. Your H won't know what hit him and I'm sure he won't be expecting it. I love how they always think they're in charge because they expect us to not know what to do or be willing to do it. Bwahahaha!

Are you still running? I'm going to start again next week. Will probably have to go back to week 5 to get going again but that's ok.
Pearl! I wish you were here to house shop! I made poor Fergie come look at a few, but he looks at things like structure, and carpentry, etc... smile. Oh, yea, that's important, too!? I don't want to burn him out, though...

I just bought the cutest!!! White and light yellow sundress tonight!

I ran today. First time in a week, and I rocked it!
Posted By: robx Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 06/02/10 11:30 AM
Originally Posted By: mindfull
...I made poor Fergie come look at a few, but he looks at things like structure, and carpentry, etc... smile. Oh, yea, that's important, too!? I don't want to burn him out, though...


LOL!

You are too cute,
yeah, things like structure and carpentry are important, LMFAO!
Rob,

Seriously, I was just looking for a place for the wine refrigerator!

Oh, and a place for some rambunctious boys to kick a ball!
I'm an excellent house shopper because I can look at the bones of the house and not get distracted by the current decor. And then I assess curb appeal, flow of the layout and how much work it'll take to get it to where I want it.

Outdoor conditioning was killer, glad it was an "easy" start. LOL! Then a deep tissue, trigger point massage. I am sore today but still went to PB class because I don't want to stiffen up even more.

P.S. to Kerry if you're here--I ordered the Bacon Explosion! Should arrive Friday, my mouth is already watering.
Posted By: robx Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 06/02/10 02:18 PM
Originally Posted By: mindfull
Rob,

Seriously, I was just looking for a place for the wine refrigerator!
Oh, and a place for some rambunctious boys to kick a ball!



- through a neighbor's window is always a great way to make a good first impression ;-)
Seriously, I was just looking for a place for the wine refrigerator!

LOL that's my girL

Go into the living room and yell... "Schmoop!"

If the house doesn't die laughing, it's built strong!
LOL! I love that Jeff!
Quote:
Pearl! I wish you were here to house shop! I made poor Fergie come look at a few, but he looks at things like structure, and carpentry, etc... smile. Oh, yea, that's important, too!? I don't want to burn him out, though...
Naw. Just look at the cosmetics. Then you get a house like mine with windows buried in the walls and roofing held together with twine and bubblegum. LOL.

What was that Red Green show quote?

"If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy" (or something like that.)

--Fergie
/Wine refrigerators are important
Originally Posted By: Virtually_Handsome
Go into the living room and yell... "Schmoop!"
If the house doesn't die laughing, it's built strong!

Mindfull has a different way of home inspection. She chats it up with the home owner and doesn't really concern herself with anything but closet space.... smile

--Fergie
/oh yeah... and a garage big enough to park in.
PEARL - We are SO NOT ON THE SAME PAGE! I'm done w/projects. No more projects. I want it done when I walk in. BTDT, and DONE! I admire your being able to see through current decor... I guess I'm a bit too shallow? smile Good job on the training!!! I'm down 2 more lbs! All of my clothes are starting to sag, including my bras, which isn't good.

ROB - Funny you should mention windows... I almost had a water balloon through my office window yesterday. Mom got loud!!!!

LUV - Priorities!!!

JEFF - I like that. You'd better watch it, or we'll show up at your meet-up, and make you deal with it in person! LoL


FERG -
Originally Posted By: Fergie
"If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy"

I can't even reply to this, for fear of Jeff's comment!!!

And, I do tend to get off task once I start chatting. Closet space is good, though. AND, the garage to fit in!!!




So, today's search went EXCELLENT!!! I LOVED one, really liked one, and have a GREAT condo back-up. Now, just to figure out if I can pay for them! I should know within a day or two...

I just finalized a weekend visitation schedule w/H for the boys. I'm not in love with it, but, considering he still, for the most part, supports us, and has to be out of town most of the week (or DOES he?), I'll play the game. I have the boys all week, since they're home from school for summer break, and he'll have them a good portion of the weekend, but NOT overnight, and I still get to enjoy their games. I will look on the positive side. I'll have some time to myself!!! YEA!
Yea for self-time! It really is necessary even if I neglected to carve out me-time for years...now that I have it, I love it.

I can see how things could be in a house, but I much prefer move-in ready. My current house is the first house where I did NOTHING prior to move in. We did buy a new construction home in Wichita once where we bought during construction, so got to pick out paint colors, countertops, light fixtures, etc. That was fun. But the unfinished basement was not great, Dan had to finish it himself...this house even had paint colors I liked! ;)Definitely convenient.

Hope you find a nice space for the wine fridge!
Originally Posted By: pearlharbr

Outdoor conditioning was killer, glad it was an "easy" start. LOL! Then a deep tissue, trigger point massage. I am sore today but still went to PB class because I don't want to stiffen up even more.



Pearl! I know PB is something with ballet and pointe (at least I think it is!) but can't remember what it is called!?! I would like to look up something like that in my area. Took dancing from age 3-17 and danced in college, I miss some of that training even if I didn't much like it back then!
Originally Posted By: mindfull

JEFF - I like that. You'd better watch it, or we'll show up at your meet-up, and make you deal with it in person! LoL


Counting on it! Bring it!
BBJ -

I'm thinking there is always a nice place for a wine fridge. How about right next to my bed? LoL

JEFF -

Ha! You ARE motivated to make this a success! It is a vision...



So, lots of in and out today. Looking at another house, WORK, grocery shopping (any volunteers to do this, please?!?!?), and then S13 has another soccer game out of town (only one more weekday out-of-town league game left after this!).

I have a fantastic weekend planned. smile
Posted By: robx Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 06/03/10 03:34 PM
Originally Posted By: mindfull

I have a fantastic weekend planned. smile


- That's called "Getting a Life"!
you don't do it to get your spouse back,
you do it to get YOUR life back.

If the spouse smartens up/wakes up, great,
if they don't.... well it's their loss, literally!

Life is meant to be lived & enjoyed, not wasted.
Rob -

I'm praying he's a dumb as$ forever.

The end.

LoL

I'm DONE.
One of the funniest posts I have EVER read on this board was a piece of advice SteveMcQueen gave a new poster. This person (a man) had cheated on his W multiple times and the W finally left and the H just didn't know what to do. SteveM says... "I don't man, start begging!"

LOL!

Glad you are so happy and moving ahead! Your H will be begging one day and man, did he ever miss out!
CG -

No kidding!

He already did his "version" of begging... naked.

It about made me hurl.

Onward and upward! MAJOR UPGRADES AHEAD!
Posted By: Coach Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 06/03/10 07:06 PM
Quote:
He already did his "version" of begging... naked.




Men are dogs.


sick shocked blush laugh laugh laugh

Originally Posted By: robx
- That's called "Getting a Life"!
you don't do it to get your spouse back,
you do it to get YOUR life back.
Ding, ding!! Rob, you are absolutely right. I was just saying to Mind that I think I've fallen off the DB wagon. Even though I'm in a better place and my D is happening, it is no excuse to stop GALing, keeping up a PMA, and doing 180's. You taught me that. I do it for me.

Originally Posted By: mindfull
He already did his "version" of begging... naked.
That would never happen in my sitch. I have absolutely no idea what I would say or do.. I think total shock would take over.

That or laughter... GAWD.

Originally Posted By: mindfull
Onward and upward! MAJOR UPGRADES AHEAD!
That's right! No replacements... only upgrades!

--Fergie
/Schmoopy
Coach - This one is not a dog. He is a freak. smile

Fergalicious - I think I communicated it to you...as DISGUST! Ick! No replacements, only upgrades. LoL Seriously!!!

/No... YOU are schmoopy!
Head in hands....

You are coming, right?
Jeff -

Had never "planned on coming", however, it could be worthy of some further investigation... There's a lot going on right now. I've had to cancel a work trip to stay back w/the boys, etc...

Head in Hands? LoL

You are killing me! smile
I'm boycotting changing D18 to D19 in my signature... Even though she is really D19. It makes me feel so old! Like a reminder that I have a high school GRADUATE! Yikes!
Did I mention I'm really looking forward to the weekend?
Try having S22.

Where's my walker?
Originally Posted By: Virtually_Handsome
Try having S22.

Where's my walker?


laugh
LOL!

Jeff, if you need a walker then I must need, at least, a cane!!! Of course, walker or no, you could run circles around me. grin
Doesn't take long to sink to new levels on my thread! smile



I've been so productive this am. My boss thinks I'm amazing. LoL He is easy...

My BFF's daughter's grad party is this evening... so, I'm helping w/the set-up this afternoon, and then attending it for awhile. THEN, more house shopping, THEN, dinner, THEN, home to make sure my boys are resting up for soccer tomorrow!!!

I talked to my D attorney last night, and it made me anxious. I'm all good now, though... smile It's just starting to become very real. And, I choose to smile through it!
MF, I totally understand why you'd never want to do anything to a house ever again! In fact, that's what took so long finding a house here. We were just tired of remodeling and wanted something move-in ready. We found several houses we loved BUT they needed bathroom and/or kitchen remodels. Seeing as how I just remodeled our master bath in ANC just to sell the house, no thanks! I've only painted the bedrooms here and had the downstairs carpet replaced. Luckily I like the colors in all the living spaces so left it as is. The downstairs bath needs to be redone because its so ugly but I'm not going to worry about it.

Yay for fun weekends! GAL is the name of the game. You need time off from being Mom so you can just be MF! laugh
Pearl - I GAL like no one else... LoL

I just had an amazing Friday night, and Saturday... Just ordered pizza for the my boys and their friends, and will relax a bit, and hit the hay. I'm going to see Fergie play in his pipe band tomorrow in a parade. YEA!!! They are so fun.

We're narrowing down the home search, and my Dad is itching to spend some money. STILL waiting on final numbers from my tax attorney, to pull the trigger on the new house. It is just beautiful, though. I love it. And, my Dad says he would rent it out, if I decide I want to do something else in a year or so...

Everyone enjoy their weekend!!!
MF, just wanted to clarify that I am truly happy that you are able to face this divorce by making the best out of the situation. Like I said on my thread, you are "embracing" it- like how Flowmom was "embracing change!" unless I am misunderstanding. If I end up divorcing, I will follow your example and change my attitude! Thanks for the inspiration!
Newmama -

I posted this in the alt to someone else... may help you, too...

I, better than anyone, can tell you this... You will have your own timeline in letting your H go. No one, or nothing, can rush it. When you do, he will either draw closer, lash out, or push farther away... And, when that day comes, you will truly have your choice. It is incredibly freeing. And, I chose to to continue to let him go. (Funny, after over TWO years of DB'ing....) Good Luck, my friend.


I'm here for you. smile
I find that quote helpful, too! I figure in my case I have done everything but just totally let go. So it's worth a shot! smile

Glad you had a nice weekend!
Posted By: talia Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 06/07/10 03:53 AM
Mind...

BIG HUGS.. Hang in there!!!


T
Hey, Everyone:

I'm going to be winding down here quite a bit. I'll post an update every once in awhile, but it's something I need to do, for me...

I'm forever grateful to all of you for helping to get me here. My life is on track now, and the advice I really need, appears to be more legal than real life. I have a lot of you as friends on fb, and will keep that up for a little while, as well.

Send me a hello, and read my updates, but most of all, just be well, and know that you're all very special; the ones who cared enough to really try.
(((((((mindfull)))))))
I'll miss you!

I wish you the best. Hugs!
Best wishes Mind! You'll be sorley missed around her with your wit and insight.

Drop by now and then and fill us in on the house hunt!!!
~~mindful~~

THANK YOU!! I have been reading your posts since I found these boards...(I am more of a lurker than a poster blush )

Speaking for all us lurkers, I cannot tell you what an INSPIRATION you are. There were days when I would log on not feeling like doing anything, and there you would be, doing 14 different things at once!! I am going to miss frown all that great energy you exude!

You NEVER gave up.

I believe what they say about karama...with all the good karama you have, you'll be just fine! wink

We are all rooting for you.

((((mindfull)))

~gardengirl

/I live in the same area as you
//a town between you and Fergie
///I just had to use the slashes laugh
Hey lady! School's out for summer which means, after my one college course (ugh, summer school!) I am free!

Don't forget to pack a bottle or two of that wine when you move because I am coming out for a visit in July! And send me pics of those cute dads you know. wink
ditto to all the "thanks for the inspiration" and "I'll miss you."

I've pulled back a bit, too. I guess we all go thru the process and take/give what we need and what we can to the BB.

You go and have fun and live your fabulous MF life!

I'll look for you in the alt!
(((Mindfull)))

I was sort of hoping for a Dorothy/Wizard of Oz goodbye (as long as I get to be the Scarecrow). laugh

I'll miss my daily Mindfull posts, which is strange since I would already have an idea what they would be prepress. Still, it will be sad.

Quote:

/I live in the same area as you
//a town between you and Fergie
///I just had to use the slashes laugh
Slashie away, gardengirl. My thread is pretty much croaked and I spend less and less time on on the forums. I'm just glad I could contribute something to the DB world, even if it was only stolen slashies. smile

--Fergie
/Between me and Mind?
//You must see a lot of us in passing
Please Lock This Thread
frown The end of an era.
((((((Mindfull))))))
Posted By: cbih Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 06/09/10 09:26 PM
^^^^^^^^

Yep...won't be the same around here without you. I feel like someone made me leave before the movie was over! I don't mean for that to sound flippant so please don't take it that way.

You are a true inspiration and will be sorely missed. Best of luck to you and your family; you will long remain in my thoughts.

Goodbye Handful, I know you will be well and wish you all the best in the new life you are building for yourself.
We will miss you but I think you will be back!
Just want to chime in before the thread is locked....

Wishing you all the very best as you move forward! ((Mindfull))
Just a quick update.

I have filed.

He has been served.

It sucked, but we survived.

Pray for my kids.

smile
Originally Posted By: mindfull

Pray for my kids.


You got em'!!! Best wishes for you and your kids!
Posted By: cbih Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 07/16/10 02:05 PM
Done. I've been thinking about you and your kids. Hang in there!
Posted By: robx Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 07/16/10 02:11 PM
Originally Posted By: mindfull
Just a quick update.

I have filed.

He has been served.

It sucked, but we survived.

Pray for my kids.

smile


Pray for your kids and for you... always, no worries.
Posted By: Coach Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 07/16/10 02:44 PM
Quote:
Pray for your kids and for you...


Ditto, take care of your self first.

Cheers
(((MF)))

Thinking of you, knowing you can and will come out of this a better person.
Twin~

You have mine.

((((Hugs))))
Mindfull

You already know this, but it bears repeating. You are the smiley-est divorcing woman ever. You have a lot of people who love and support you. I know you worry for your kids, but you are an excellent pillar for them. They will pull through.

Fergie
/Feels kinds weird being back on your thread
//But a good weird
Yeah...wishing to be like Mind one day very soon.
Posted By: kara Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 07/20/10 08:39 PM
((((Mind)))))

Love you and wishing you the best.
Hello, my friends...

Fergie reminded me last night of our threads. I thought I'd give an update this am.

We are on the "fairly" fast track to divorce. STBX was served mid-July, after him dropping the bomb on the kids and my parents (early-May), and then not doing anything about it. He would float in and out of our lives from time to time, between May and mid-July, always leaving a wake of chaos and destruction.

So, I just did it.

We have never openly discussed his infidelity. He doesn't know of my proof. IL is a no fault state, so it really doesn't matter, however, my attorney holds the proof in safe keeping.

The night he was served was pretty stressful, moreso, the day/events of the day leading up to it. The actual serving itself, and immediate response was "textbook STBX". I was smart, and had a male friend who is big, an attorney, calm, and "was" a friend(ish) of my STBX's. My friend offered to be there to keep the drama at a minimum. He saw first hand the absolute worst side of STBX, never blinked an eye, and remained calm, cool and collected while STBX pitched his fit. Remarkably, my anxiety lifted, once he was served, and approached me after being served. He called me every name imaginable. He blamed me for breaking up our kids home. He called my BFF awful names, as he was convinced she intro'd me to my lawyer. He went upstairs and told my boys that he would never see them again, and then came down to my friend and I, and told us they were in their rooms crying, and told me to go handle them.

My lawyer had to file for a temporary Order of Protection when he was verbally (and in txt) completely abusing me, for no reason... The judge granted it immediately, and now STBX can only communicate via txt or email, about the boys, w/no disparaging comments.

Since then, he's finally keeping to a schedule w/my boys (Gee, thought you weren't going to see them ever again. Glad you caused that drama.) He's disputed (legally) everything requested in my divorce petition, and was immediately shut down (legally), and I got what everything I want temporarily.

Next steps... We are all going to have a sit down (STBX, his lawyer, me and my lawyer), and see what we can all agree on up front. (My idea.) We have a mediation session on the 23rd to discuss our co-parenting. (I don't expect much to change there. He and I have temporarily agreed to every other weekend, w/one day during the week, from after school until 8pm.)

There's a status hearing on 8/24, almost exclusively for my STBX's information. I have my financial affidavit completed, and all of my homework done. He has done nothing.

My 10+ years of income taxes have finally been filed. My tax attorney is negotiating a settlement w/the IRS, but not too quickly, as our temporary support and maintenance will be based on my income, as well, and right now... I have hardly any coming to me, as my wages are being garnished (due to my STBX's not filing of my tax returns). It feels good to get that done, though. Really good. And, STBX doesn't have knowledge of my filing. (They will be on him NEXT, and he didn't voluntarily approach them with them completed, filed, and ready to negotiate.)

Currently, STBX has been ordered to keep paying for the household, and family expenses. In the interim, I've been looking for housing for the boys and me. I vacillate between buying something right now (the market is ripe for this!), and renting for a year. I think renting is the right decision, as I have no idea where I'll "be" a year from now. I've done a lot of homework on this, and have found a house I could live in, and with, as either a short, and/or a fairly long term solution. It's cute, in a superb neighborhood, at an awesome price, and in my same area. I'm having lunch w/the owner on Tuesday (friend of mine), and we'll see where it goes. Since he is my friend, there are more options...

My boys are doing okay. Dad has, for the time being, calmed down. He's, actually, the perfect Disney Dad, when he's with them. I have been leaving the house on Sat/Sun, and he comes and stays w/them. I feel this is for the best, interim, as it keeps them from having too much to transition to right now. So, Dad comes, takes them out to breakfast, then they do some type of water sport, bowling, golf, go carting, mini-putting, etc.. adventure, then they go out to lunch. After that, add in another adventure activity, and then they go out to dinner. They finally get to bed about midnight, then we repeat on Sunday. It's a life, if you can get it! (In the meantime, he was whining to the judge about not being able to pay their private school tuition?)

This lifestyle will hopefully calm down, as their club soccer and school football season started last week. We'll see how Disney Dad does w/actual responsibility.

We've already had some issues. I try to keep him abreast of all the affects their schedule during his time, but activities change, practices get altered, etc... He's had a few temper tantrums, and I just ignore them. The only one I didn't like involved him putting me in the middle between my BFF and him. He has blown up at her for referring me to my lawyer (she didn't) and told her to never call or txt him again, right after the serving... This weekend he has invited her son w/my boys and he to an amusement park. Well, he claimed he won't talk to her to arrange anything, and was trying to force me to... (Excuse me, this is not my activity, nor did I invite anyone anywhere?!) I told him not to put me in the middle, and handle his own life. He replied back. "You are in the middle because you filed for a permanent change in the boys lives." HUH? So, IGNORE is the best thing to do. I'm sorry I even let him get that far, and learned! IGNORE anything other than something pressing w/the boys. It is freeing.

So, that's it. I'll give you guys an update once in awhile, but, just know...

I'm VERY happy. I'm free of this man, but will do my very best to co-parent. My boys deserve it. I've spent a lot of time w/friends and family, and, of course... my favorite blonde! BIG SMILES!



You go girl. Love it!
Thanks for the update ((MF))

You have had a lot to deal with and it gives me hope to see that you are very happy at this point, despite all of that.

I continue wishing you the very best! smile smile
Nikita! Thx! Love the name!

Rocked! Thx, as well! I am happy. Hell, I'll say it. I'm damn happy to be rid of him. RID of the snark, suspicions and disrespect. It's a TOB! I need to get an update on you!
(So you said you missed Fergie in the boards. Well ya get Fergie.)

Okay. I give. What's a TOB?

You are the smiliest divorcing woman ever. But then you have:

A great, supportive friends (which, BTW, none of whom have much of anything nice to say about stbx Mr. Mindfull).

An excellent legal team.

Good job with an understanding boss (or are you really the boss, since you tell him what to do? I get confused).

Clean, shiny-faced behaved kids (even the D19 is flying right).

What's not to smile about?

Alright enough of that. Let's talk about me. More specifically; fashion.

So you (and Pearl was big on this a while back too) convinced me to buy a Robert Graham-esque shirt. I'm still not convinced it is me. What do I wear with this shirt? I was thinking dark, dirty wash jeans, but I'm not sure that's the look.

I also need new shoes. And I'm not wearing leather flip flops (not happening!). I like a square, slightly upturned toe shoe. Any thoughts?

--Fergie
/slashies are back
//flip flops... psshaw!
///And I'm not wearing the black Puma shoes either.
Oh, I had to google Robert Graham to see what those shirts looked like. My wallet is smarting!
Originally Posted By: pinhead
My wallet is smarting!
Pin, no MY wallet is smarting!

But it did come with a gift certificate for a free dessert and 2 free drinks from a great Italian restaurant. And the owner poured me a glass of whisky to drink while shopping. Now that's shopping!

--Fergie
/Drunk shopping is a no brainer
//If I owned a store, I'd give out alcohol to the shoppers
Fergie, I figure MF will answer you personally so I'll chime in here.

I still love Robert Graham shirts. Several other brands have knocked off the style for cheaper so BF got a couple new ones recently.

BF just wears them with jeans because he only wears them to go out. My very fashionable former boss (who introduced RG shirts to me) also wore them with jeans and cool shoes.

P.S. Hi MF! I miss you!
(((((Mind)))))

You deserve so much for what you've been through.

A shining example of what the LBS should be smile

Luv
Pearl - I need some jean ideas. Some cool designer ones. I was thinking True Religion, but Mind said "too young". What jeans are in that style, but more "adult"?

BTW, remember Mind's Miss Me jeans?

--Fergie
You guys will be sickened by this post...! LoL

Ferg -
So, the Fergalicious has returned!? You are right. I did request you. I. needed a little kick in my step!

How wave you bee? (Smirk)

TOB - Thing of Beauty

I am smiling. I do have great friends, a great legal team, really nice kids, etc.. . You missed one, though. I have an amazing Fergie to keep me entertained, honest, and in line! LoL

The shirt goes w/nothing less than kick ass jeans and rockin' black loafers. (I know you will love that!). I like you drunk shopping, too. Thanks for my purse! Ha! (I already forgot the dudes name)

Thabk you for your post and slashies. smile

Punkin -

RG shirts rock. Perfectly fitted to skim curves and define muscle tone! Love it! Cut back on a few Starbucks, and you're covered.

Pearl - we are ALWAYS on the same page - fashion-wise. I miss you so much! How's the BF?

Luv - THANK. YOU. Your are the only other person who has met me, and if you still say such nice things, I nust be doing somethin right!
Originally Posted By: Mindfull
How wave you bee? (Smirk)
Punkin -
Thabk you for your post and slashies.


Are you drunk?

--Fergie
MF!! Thought I had lost you for ever! So glad to hear from you and even happier that you seem to be beaming through the computer screen... love knowing you are happy and more than holding your own.

Are there women's stores where they give out drinks?? Sign me up please... smile

The attitude of these crazies is astounding. It is almost funny in how predictable it becomes. Mine lashed out at me over the weekend bc he was at an important event and I wasn't there. Of course it was my fault he had to 'spend the day walking around alone'...yeah, cause I had the affair(s)...sheesh! Just keep smiling and waving and let him deal with it.
Originally Posted By: Mindfull
Perfectly fitted to skim curves and define muscle tone!
Great! Just what I need to show off my chabs (chubby abs). But at least it will cover my patchy tan. A hodge-podge of tan spots on my arms and legs and a torso that is White Ass Wally.

--Fergie
Fergie - I'll have to get back to you on the jeans. BF is already at his fashion limit with the RG shirts. The most designer jeans he owns are Lucky (from Costco). And personally my designer jeans are simply the ones that fit me best and make my legs look longer, nothing fancy. Stay away from anything too trendy. I have to return some stuff from BF's birthday so I'll take a spin through men's jeans and let you know what I think. Don't worry about the fit of the shirt. Both BF and the former boss have (pony) kegs, not 6-packs, and the shirts fit fine.

And I do remember MF's Miss Me jeans! How do they look in person? I'm sure she totally rocks them.

BBJ - I have been to a happy hour at lululemon! Seems to me that only stores that sell workout clothes would serve booze to women. Extra pounds=more working out! laugh

MF - it's so boring around here without you! I check in on my friends but it's increasingly harder to deal with all the despair from newbies. BF is the same. I'm still not sure if that's good or bad. We're planning a trip to Ireland in late October and after that it's full steam ahead with me moving to SF.

I need some inspiration to get running again. I do a PB class six days a week but need to add the extra cardio back in. Plus I'm eating all kinds of junk food. At least I'm making a lot of it from scratch!
Posted By: kara Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 08/20/10 10:56 PM
Mind,

PH and all the others are right. Its so boring here without you. We always had a reason to smile with you on the boards. You are a bounce back kinda gal...you keep on ticking and laughing. And I love a good laugh.

BTW, I see you are still shopping!

(((Mind)))
So, Fergie, made me feel guilty, telling me about all of the replies here. Sorry! I'm busy w/being the single mom, tackling a new job, etc... Oh, and multiple trips a week to and from Madison!

Originally Posted By: Fergie
Are you drunk?


LOL! Nope! But, define drunk... Those replies WERE ridiculous, though!

Originally Posted By: BobbiJo
Are there women's stores where they give out drinks?? Sign me up please... smile


BBJ - Actually, I intro'd Ferg to the store. It's a woman's store, too. One in Lake Geneva, WI and the other in Galena, IL. Fun! There's nothing wrong w/a date being force fed whiskey.


CHABS!! LOL WAW should be "The Cheese Stands Alone!" HA

PEARL!!! Hey! I got a kick out of the BF at his fashion limit. And, I do have to admit. The Miss Me's went back! They were too loose in the waist, but too tight in the rear! It's usually the opposite for me! I haven't been doing a great job running, lately, so I'm wondering how they would sit now! I have to get back to it, religiously, as I have no excuse. Kids are in school! Sorry, it's boring! I'll try to come up w/a good story to share soon!!!

Kara! Miss ya!!!! I am a bounce back kinda gal. And, I do laugh, a lot. To the irritation of SOME others! HA! Actually, Kara, I haven't really SHOPPED in forever, and w/the way our finances are shaking out, I'm not sure I'll have a great budget to do so soon! Wahhhhh!!!!
So, we had our second mediation appointment today. Custody and long-term visitation agreement reached. I'm not in love w/the agreement, but I am not going to complain either.

There is nothing worse than sitting in the same room as your STBX, discussing your kids, and their needs, when you just want to pop his eyes out! Either that, or puke from seeing his ugly face! ICK! Gosh, it really is amazing how DONE you can become.

BUT, I sucked it up for my boys, was rational, calm, smiling even... While he pitched fits... But, hey, we got it done!

This was THE most important part of the negotiations. The financial stuff is important for our well-being, but knowing my boys and their time w/each of us is settled, is MOST important, and I can sleep well.
Posted By: Coach Re: MINDFULL... Time to proceed w/the Big D... - 08/27/10 09:31 PM
Quote:
when you just want to pop his eyes out!


I can imagine that look on your face.


Glad it was a outcome you can live with.


Cheers
That's awesome, Mind. You're still inspiring around here smile.

I know what you mean about discussing your kids, and about sucking it up. I will be doing that soon and just keep her in my focus - she is my end goal and everything is for her now, not about me and H. It's hard but worth it- good for you.
Hey, everyone...

Short update!

STBXH and I have agreed on custody and visitation w/the boys. It was a bit painful, figuring out visitation, but... I ended up with what I wanted, and I don't think he feels like he's been "cheated" in his relationship and time w/them.

We're at a stand-still w/financial negotiations. We're about $600 a month in support/maintenance OFF in what our expectations are... Funny, I originally would have settled EASILY for his offer, as it stands now. But, my L is dead set on making sure I get what I need for my boys, and, since, I've really not run a household financially (much), I'm trusting him. Apparently, the deal we're making is NOTHING compared to what a judge would decide. So, unless he buckles before 10/29, a judge will decide, and STBXH will have to provide a TON of paperwork, give up business and personal asset information, etc... He hasn't filed taxes in 15+ years. He's not into paperwork. This ought to be interesting.

I'm just really tired of being in this big, old house. I want to get moved, and settled w/my boys in a new environment. New positive energy. And, all of the clutter left behind.

I love my life now. I can't believe I ever settled for less!
Twin~

Originally Posted By: MINDFULL
I can't believe I ever settled for less!


Amen my friend.

Once people get to this, only then will they realize how much they are truly worth.

(((Hugs))) Prayers and Love. smile
Originally Posted By: Serenity13
Twin~

Originally Posted By: MINDFULL
I can't believe I ever settled for less!


Amen my friend.

Once people get to this, only then will they realize how much they are truly worth.

(((Hugs))) Prayers and Love. smile


You get another Amen from me!

I am there right along with you. Getting more and more excited about my new life every day. I am understanding my true worth and I will never settle for less again.

((((BIG HUGS))))
Love to you both!
And, love my life hangin' w/the handsome Blonde! smile
So glad to hear your happy Mindfull, but then who couldnt be hanging around with the handsome blonde (())
Originally Posted By: mindfull

I love my life now. I can't believe I ever settled for less!


It's so good to come back here after months away, check up on you, and see this. Congrats.
Another quick update:

SO, things are going pretty darn good.

We have a temporary financial agreement in place. I am very happy w/it, and STBX is not so happy about it. In fact, it is rumored that he fired his attorney (for the 3rd time) right after the ruling...

I BOUGHT A CAR!!!! Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! (Ferg, I know you know this singsong Laaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Screech!) And, it's AMAZING! And, it's SEXY! And, it's total soccer mom w/a 'TUDE! LOVE IT!

And, I just submitted a rental application for a nice 4-bedroom, 2-story home w/a POOL!!!!!!!!! Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Ha! It's an excellent time to rent or buy. People attempting to sell are totally approachable to rent. Love it.

The boys and I have to be moved by 12/1. Good God, I hope I get approved! I think I should, though, considering my friend is the realtor, who assists in the choice of tenants!

And, I just settled w/the IRS today, at an UNBELIEVABLE rate! Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! It's amazing how reasonable they are when you approach THEM with a problem, and are proactive in resolving it! STBX isn't going to be so lucky!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand, S10 will become S11 this week. My baby is growing old! Aaaaaaaaaaaaand, S13 wanted skinny jeans this week. Eeek! He's 5'10 1/2 and 113lbs. Not a great look on him. Aaaaaaaaaand, D19 is continuing to be, well, herself. Cute, fun, and if I could spank her I would!

And, last but not least, LOVING life livin' la vida Fergalicious, when it allows. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Gosh, just catching up with you Mindfull! You sound GREAT!
How have the kids adjusted?
Happy to hear you are doing well, Mindfull grin
Midfull,

You were my friend when I was here. I was the Tridoc. I just looked at your story. Im glad things are going so well for you. You seemed so miserable but were so considerate of my situation. Anyway, it looks like you are getting a life now.

My D is still going with maybe over by this August. Long story. She just want's more money and wants to leave me with nothing. It's such a struggle. After all this time of being a wuss and trying to forgive forget and give her grace. I just let go of it.

I moved out, I have a rental house and life is good. I just started dating again and the women out there are just so nice. It's like when I first put glasses on.

Anyway, I just came back to thank the folks here for all their help and wanted to look you up and see if you were still here.

You probably won't read this but good luck;-)
Hi Sleepy -

It's good to hear from you! I'm so glad you're doing well!!! I remember you, for sure, because it ticked me off that someone "kind of" ran you off w/some judgmental comments. GOD

I have been doing spectacular. The boys and I, too, rented a home. It's a nice (enough) 4-bedroom 2-story w/a pool, within blocks of their school, and minutes from the soccer fields that I drive back and forth to non-stop!

The STBX and I have done "okay" w/settling most things. We have custody and visitation finalized, and some financial stuff. We're due to be finalized on Thursday, but as the date nears, I keep getting more surprises in my email, requests for relief, temporary order requests to be revoked, etc... He's such an as$! My L is VERY good. He keeps telling me to calm down. We can prove most of it out... And, I actually may end up better. I'm just so ready to be done. It appears they may finalize us, w/a separate trial date for some financial stuff. I can't believe STBX is going down this road, as I gave him a huge "out" w/a very generous settlement agreement.

I guess I should be thankful that I've only had a week of anxiety of stress during this whole part of the process.

I'm still dating Fergie! smile He's amazing! He is a complete success story, as well!

The kids are good, too. They've adjusted to the visitation schedule nicely. They see STBX every other weekend, and every other Monday and Tuesday. S14 just became a State Champion in track, and S11 is still a rock star goal keeper for his club team. D19 is still, well, cute, and a bit less of a pain!

I'm glad you're out dating. It certainly helps the self-confidence!

I'm so glad that you checked in. I'm going to see if you posted an update.



AND... Hi to everyone else! I miss you! I've been posting elsewhere, but still miss seeing some of you here!
MIndfull,

I am so happy that you have broken free from the torment you were in. I could just feel it by reading your posts. It really took some courage on your part to go through with what you did.

Yeah, someone made some crass comment but by that time I was already in a church support group so I just dropped this one. I still think this site really helped so much and I'm so glad that I posted and got exellent advice from this forum.

Its such a psychological mind game. It's so important to understand the psyche of the divorcing spouse and head it off before it goes too far.

I think its good that folks like us come back and let those who are currently suffering know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are so many people out there with similar or worse experiences.

Yeah, I'm dating again and discovered that there are some wonderful women out there who really care.

Nice to hear all is good.

Best,
Sleepy
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