Getting back on track ... - 12/20/09 01:21 AM
I have a post in the Infidelity forum but I wanted to move this thread here as it's for me and has nothing to do with A / OP's etc.
If you want to read all about my sitch you can. But the short story is as follows:
Separated since 2 August. Discovered EA on 6 September. W moved out 7 September into a house a stones throw from here that her daddy bought her. OM moved in with her on 10 October.
Tried to facilitate contact between W and my D (her step-D). Worked, didn't work, worked, didn't work. Found out she was snooping around my house while I left her to babysit one night. W was asking D about 'if daddy had a girlfriend' and other stuff.
Found out my mum had two months to live on 16 November - W was over at the time. Told W, she wasn't particularly interested. Sent NC letter on 17 November. W comes around on 23 November for a 'planned visit with D'. Reiterated the NC letter, off she goes.
I asked IM to contact W twice about coming down to see my mum. Eventually get an email saying she doesn't think it's a good idea, tells me what she is getting D for Xmas and then asks for some Xmas stuff (in the same email). I ignore email. She sends text. I ignore it. Give (some) xmas stuff to IM who arranges for W to come and get it but she sends OM. IM asks OM about my D's care seat (which W has). Message was to be passed on. IM also texts W about it. No response. I ask IM to text W last week after Doctor called here for her. No response (these last bits may seem trivial but they are important). I think W has gone into huff mode.
W has vanished from the radar. No contact. No followup. No interest. No condolence card. No xmas card. No interest in D. No coming to D's xmas concert at school. Not a damn thing. She has since found out my mum passed away and the funeral was on 7 December. Had condolence and xmas card from MIL. Nothing from W or the rest of her family.
W has wiped a 7 year relationship and a step-D from her life within 4 short months. She has obviously moved on with her life completely. Was hoping that we could work on the M but I see no positives in my sitch at all. Nothing. W has an addictive personality (shopping for example running up huge debts before she left). I see her and OM going long term due to her insecurity and similarity in how we started the relationship in the first place.
I have filed for a Legal Separation Agreement that W has dragged her heels on (she received it on 3 October and I only got a letter from my L last week saying she has engaged an L of her own). This will hopefully settle financial matters at least. Only I can file for D on the grounds of Adultery. W cannot file for two years since separation date (2 August 2011).
So, here I am. Wifeless. No real hope for reconciling left. However NC was the best thing I did. I have been working on myself, understanding my feelings and reconnecting with my D. I have backslid for the last few days over a few things (see my threads in Infidelity if you want to know more). Trying to get back on track as I am fed up with it and having a pity party.
I read and try and help out a lot in here as it is a great place. However I don't see too many threads on my sitch - while I know it's not unique the NC and the complete disappearance of the WAS and the monumental job she has done in erasing the last 7 years of her life is incredible! Staling would have been proud!!
My reason for being here is where do I go now - first of all with DBing / M if there is any hope left? Second, and more importantly with my GALing, 180's etc. I want to have a plan together but I have absolutely no idea where to start with that. Goals? No idea. I have read the DR book.
ANY help appreciated.
If you want to read all about my sitch you can. But the short story is as follows:
Separated since 2 August. Discovered EA on 6 September. W moved out 7 September into a house a stones throw from here that her daddy bought her. OM moved in with her on 10 October.
Tried to facilitate contact between W and my D (her step-D). Worked, didn't work, worked, didn't work. Found out she was snooping around my house while I left her to babysit one night. W was asking D about 'if daddy had a girlfriend' and other stuff.
Found out my mum had two months to live on 16 November - W was over at the time. Told W, she wasn't particularly interested. Sent NC letter on 17 November. W comes around on 23 November for a 'planned visit with D'. Reiterated the NC letter, off she goes.
I asked IM to contact W twice about coming down to see my mum. Eventually get an email saying she doesn't think it's a good idea, tells me what she is getting D for Xmas and then asks for some Xmas stuff (in the same email). I ignore email. She sends text. I ignore it. Give (some) xmas stuff to IM who arranges for W to come and get it but she sends OM. IM asks OM about my D's care seat (which W has). Message was to be passed on. IM also texts W about it. No response. I ask IM to text W last week after Doctor called here for her. No response (these last bits may seem trivial but they are important). I think W has gone into huff mode.
W has vanished from the radar. No contact. No followup. No interest. No condolence card. No xmas card. No interest in D. No coming to D's xmas concert at school. Not a damn thing. She has since found out my mum passed away and the funeral was on 7 December. Had condolence and xmas card from MIL. Nothing from W or the rest of her family.
W has wiped a 7 year relationship and a step-D from her life within 4 short months. She has obviously moved on with her life completely. Was hoping that we could work on the M but I see no positives in my sitch at all. Nothing. W has an addictive personality (shopping for example running up huge debts before she left). I see her and OM going long term due to her insecurity and similarity in how we started the relationship in the first place.
I have filed for a Legal Separation Agreement that W has dragged her heels on (she received it on 3 October and I only got a letter from my L last week saying she has engaged an L of her own). This will hopefully settle financial matters at least. Only I can file for D on the grounds of Adultery. W cannot file for two years since separation date (2 August 2011).
So, here I am. Wifeless. No real hope for reconciling left. However NC was the best thing I did. I have been working on myself, understanding my feelings and reconnecting with my D. I have backslid for the last few days over a few things (see my threads in Infidelity if you want to know more). Trying to get back on track as I am fed up with it and having a pity party.
I read and try and help out a lot in here as it is a great place. However I don't see too many threads on my sitch - while I know it's not unique the NC and the complete disappearance of the WAS and the monumental job she has done in erasing the last 7 years of her life is incredible! Staling would have been proud!!
My reason for being here is where do I go now - first of all with DBing / M if there is any hope left? Second, and more importantly with my GALing, 180's etc. I want to have a plan together but I have absolutely no idea where to start with that. Goals? No idea. I have read the DR book.
ANY help appreciated.