Mr. and Mrs. Gucci in crisis - DivorceBusting.com

We have a crisis in GucciLand. SIL and her husband have separated. We just found out yesterday. This apparently happened two weeks ago.

I am starting this thread to allow others to follow this situation. Many on this site have observed my advice and strategy to different people. Some seem extremely curious and interested in the methods I sometimes propose. I can tell that to some of you, many of these things hit home. I sometimes can sense people nodding in agreement saying to themselves.. "Yea, I have noticed that too in my life and realtionship experiences."

I can also sense (don't have to hit me over the head when you think I am full of it) that others almost grit their teeth and want to wring my neck.

This will give me the opportunity to give you the feedback of what happens without the influence of the person we are trying to help (the SIL that we love so deeply)(we love him too,but he is the WS, so we aren't worried so much about our love for him at the moment.) ;)getting so much advice that their heads spin. Having to follow and decipher all the "for and against" advice given and causing her to be paralyzed with indecision because of constant conflicting advice. (which is a huge problem on this site) Trying one thing one day.. then when her feelings change or she isn't getting the results she thinks she should get causing her to second guess her decisions. Despite that, I am still aware that others in her life will no doubt be giving their opinions on what to do, but at least it will be minimized. Mrs. Gucci will handle that area to make her aware of how to handle these types of people.

Don't expect a day to day or hour to hour report. That isn't how I opperate. I will try to fill you in on the developmensts as necessary. (yes, even if they don't reconcile)

The SIL (wife's sister) has asked for advice.
Mrs. Gucci (well qualified I might add)(she hooked me in) is to meet with her next week. Looks like I will be a consultant.

Backround...

He told her he needed space He told her that SHE should move to their other house (they have another plcace that they own that was vacant) He talked her into moving even though she did not want to (we haven't heard that before have we?) This was before we knew anything. She is now in their other house. She loves the house he is in and does not want to give it up.

My take on that issue.. It is not a big deal. We will encourage her to get a lawyer asap and protect herself. Just because he is in the house has no bearing on who will get it should they divorce. She can fight for that later. She already moved so we will be encouraging her to start nesting in it and "be perfectly happy just the way things are.)Be happy and start making this a "home" Don't even dwell on that place. Turn it into a cute little home that reflects who you are.

Is there another woman? She of course already said that he says ther isn't.

WRONG.. I am betting that there is... And yes, we are going to tell her that and how to handle it and what is the best way to combat it.. (do any of you think that "social interaction will be in her future?)

The first steps as we see them at the moment....

Find out is she wants to reconcile.
Get a GOOD attorney who specializes in these things. Fight for the house (let the lawyer fight for it)
Secure the financial situation to protect her.
Show her how to "let go" even if she doesn't feel it.
Show her how to make sure if they reconcile that it will work.

Stay tuned...

I talked/cried to my brother shortly after ex said he was miserable and wanted to live the life he always wanted. My brother very matter of factly told me that there was another woman, and (..I quote,) "P^ssy is very expensive." I was shocked at the wording but over time understood the meaning.

I was one of those who never wanted to believe a spouse would stray, bolt and end everything. However it was great that I had very supportive and realistic friends and family to help me through it.

It's great that you both can be there in a positive way to someone so close.

*hugs*

Originally Posted By: gucci loafer

WRONG.. I am betting that there is... And yes, we are going to tell her that and how to handle it and what is the best way to combat it.. (do any of you think that "social interaction will be in her future?)

is she cute?

Looking forward to following along, Gooch.

Puppy

Gucci in real-time.
Pullin' up a chair, pen and notebook in hand...

Seriously, I hope your sister-in-law works it out.

You should start your own blog with your method if you think it's anti-DB. Good luck to them.

First update...

Mrs. Gucci met with her sister last night....

She told Mrs. Gucci that he says there is NOT another woman and she believes him. (this was early in the meeting)

Later in the meeting.. "Well, he did hire a new secretary. I called him to tell him that I was coming over Wednesday night and he said he wanted to be honest and that nothing was going on, but he wanted to let me know that the secretary was making dinner for him."......

She is not going to contact a lawyer because she believes her WS will cut off her money totally if she does....

We found out she has been addicted to pain killers for quite some time, which may be one of the issues he had with her.

She seems to be doing quite well. He is doing most all of the calling and contacting. She said she is relieved and this feels like a vacation to her. She is not in panic. They are supposed to go to counseling soon. (his idea)

Mrs. Gucci dropped a couple of seeds, but realized that her sister is not open to our advice at this moment. She let her sister talk to her and decided to gather all the information that she could so that if her sister does at some point want advice (and is willing to follow it) that Mrs. Gucci will be prepared...

Stay tuned...

Quote:

is she cute?

Steve....

YES.. She is a KNOCKOUT. Gorgeous....

Originally Posted By: gucci loafer

She told Mrs. Gucci that he says there is NOT another woman and she believes him. (this was early in the meeting)

Later in the meeting.. "Well, he did hire a new secretary. I called him to tell him that I was coming over Wednesday night and he said he wanted to be honest and that nothing was going on, but he wanted to let me know that the secretary was making dinner for him."......

Gee, what a surprise. (NOT!!)

Thanks for the update, Gooch. Have a great weekend; I hope everything works out well for her. She's in good hands.

Puppy

I think JR could really have used your help especially when he was following your advice so much. I thought it was a little uncool for you to drop him like that after he pumped you up so much.

Just my 2 cents.

Gooch,

Any update on this?

Puppy

Quote:

I think JR could really have used your help especially when he was following your advice so much. I thought it was a little uncool for you to drop him like that after he pumped you up so much.

Just my 2 cents.

That's why you are where you are and I am not.

You see Stuck, you are addicted to being on here everyday looking for some new advice or something else that can help your situation. Venting daily, journaling daily, asking for advice and feedback daily..

Big boys don't need that. I am not going to hold JR's hand.
I gave him my advice. It isn't rocket science and I don't need to repeat the same things over and over. My time is more valuable than that and I WILL NOT do it. PERIOD. He needs to grow up and LEARN to handle things on his own. It is nonsense to be on here everyday and having to ask for advice on everything from " did I wipe my butt right this morning or should I do a 180 on that" to "should I get her a card to how should I this or how should I that"

That is how children act. I don't think it is good counseling to enable you by having to give advice everyday on every little issue. This is one of the reasons that you are still on here and still can't move on. It is childish.

I did notice though that JR did perfectly fine without my day to day, minute to minute help though..

Grow up Stuck. Come on. Put on your Big Boy Pants. It is time.

Quote:

Any update on this?

Puppy,

None. Haven't heard a thing from her or what is going on.

The same principles apply to counseling as they do to relationships.

No pressure. We can't force her to listen to us and wouldn't think of forcing her anyways. She knows how to get in touch.

I do have some news on the other friends of ours that we helped to reconcile.....

They called us last night and ask us to come over for a couple of drinks. (we had to say no because we had a long day the day before and were tired)

They seem to be moving forward quite well. The woman keeps asking questions to Mrs.Gooch on how to handle certain things.

The advice is to "enjoy things happily just the way they are"
be happy. enjoy the time together. Let HIM bring up a relationship talk. Quit worrying about "where is this going"?

I think they are going to make it...

The Gucci principles worked again...

How are things with you?

Me and the fetching Mrs. Puppy are getting along very well -- best of friends. Unfortunately, last time I checked, "best friends" don't have a lot of hot monkey sex, but that's her issue, not mine.

Seriously, we're hanging in there. Our recent news (unmarried D20 being pregnant) has the family reeling, and then pulling together, but it's a little overwhelming. Add to that a move coming up and our other daughter's boyfriend's custody battle for his little boy, and we are livin' by faith!

Puppy

Damn Puppy, quite the mixed bag of crap being dealt to you in life. I will definitely be keeping your family in prayers at night too.

Sounds like you have your plate full.

Hope all works out.

We were talking about JR here and not me. You were posting to him every day, egging him on to do things to attract his wife back, then when he really was in a state of indecision and asked for you specifically, you just dropped him.

I notice that on many posts you enjoy egging people on about leaving to earn respect or whatever and when they get all excited and thing start turning towards dealing with emotions, you leave them hanging. And when you do have some people who don't agree with all of your methods, you turn it around and make it a personal attack on you.

But hey, don't get your panties all in a bunch.

Even you admitted that you never had to deal with your spouse cheating on you in your sitch. So you can't relate to everything.

Sure I come here seeking advice sometimes. It's what the boards are for. You're the only one who throws a hissy fit when people don't follow what you want them to do. That's kinda controlling isn't it?

That's okay, you're only human.

Originally Posted By: stuck808

We were talking about JR here and not me. You were posting to him every day, egging him on to do things to attract his wife back, then when he really was in a state of indecision and asked for you specifically, you just dropped him.

Stuck,

I saw when you first posted this, and checked back on the thread, and I didn't see where Gucci did that? Where, exactly, did JR post to him and ask him something and Gooch didn't respond?

Maybe I missed it.

Puppy

Gucci brought up a very important point here that I notice is overlooked in the discussions of Walk Away Wives and the loss of attraction your spouses may feel for you:

Originally Posted By: gucci loafer

" did I wipe my butt right this morning or should I do a 180 on that"

Do not undermined the importance of this. This woman you are so desperately trying to reconnect with, understand better and make love to has been washing your undies everyday for years. The last thing that will make her sexually attracted to you is a skid mark running down your underpants. God knows how many good marriages have gone to ruin because of that. You can read as many marriage related and divorce busting books you can, go to marriage counselling, independent counselling, rub her feet, buy her flowers, do 180's, GAL but if you fail to wipe your butt correctly your marriage IS doomed. period.

Strength, Confidence, Respect and a Clean A$$.

Do not under estimate the importance of these principals when trying to "get out of the friend zone."

Steve McQueen.

Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen

Gucci brought up a very important point here that I notice is overlooked in the discussions of Walk Away Wives and the loss of attraction your spouses may feel for you:

Originally Posted By: gucci loafer

" did I wipe my butt right this morning or should I do a 180 on that"

Do not undermined the importance of this. This woman you are so desperately trying to reconnect with, understand better and make love to has been washing your undies everyday for years. The last thing that will make her sexually attracted to you is a skid mark running down your underpants. God knows how many good marriages have gone to ruin because of that. You can read as many marriage related and divorce busting books you can, go to marriage counselling, independent counselling, rub her feet, buy her flowers, do 180's, GAL but if you fail to wipe your butt correctly your marriage IS doomed. period.

Strength, Confidence, Respect and a Clean A$$.

Do not under estimate the importance of these principals when trying to "get out of the friend zone."

Steve McQueen.

From DAM to CAM.

hey puppy,

It was towards the end when he was debating whether he really loved her or not after he played it cool for so long with her.

I believe you, I and a few others posted to him.

Great to hear that he worked things out.

Hope your sitch continues to improve. Especially in the intimacy dept. God knows you deserve it.

I guess we read that differently, Stuck. I saw Gucci and Sandi giving the guy some really detailed advice, the last one from Gucci was on 7/17. By 7/19, JR was "going bonkers" wondering what to do. I myself told him to "go back and re-read what Gucci and Sandi have been telling you, and apply it," because everything that needed to be said had been said, and I didn't see him following it.

Not everyone has as much time for "hand-holding" on here as others, and sometimes you do get impatient when people don't follow the advice and then they just come back and ask for more advice.

Puppy

Thanks for clarifying.

Oh and hope all is well with your D too.

Thanks, Stuck. She's a sweetie, and this is really drawing her back closer to us. She'd been spending ALL of her time with this man before, which is unlike her. They became SO enmeshed, it wasn't healthy.

She's now spending much more time at home, and we're all rallying around her.

Puppy

Not to highjack here, but Pup, is there anything you necessarily did to het her to turn Her around? Was it just 180s and such?

Nothing new to report with SIL. We heard they are in counseling and that they went on a date last week. Haven't heard feedback on how the date went...

Also...

For all those who still question how well "social interaction" (aka seeing someone else when you have a WS)

Read Redsoxfan's new post....

As I have told many of you time and time again...

REALITY... Redsoxfan didn't want her back UNTIL she was seeing someone else... Notice how quickly he turned around and how serious he is about reconciling.. (no surprise to me..)

REALITY.. Listen to reality...

They come back faster when you let go.. when you start dating...

This is ANOTHER example of it.

Hello Gucci,

I've had some new developments in my situation. When you get a chance, can you please take a look. I'd like your opinion.

Thanks,
Looking_For_Help (LFH)

Hi Gucci, any update on your SIL?