Quotes found on Divorcebusting (II) - 04/02/08 06:35 PM
My Original thread has been moved and locked:
Quotes found on Divorcebusting
Here are some more:
Honestly, the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself for your failing M -- the past is the past, and you did the best you could with the tools you had at the time. End of story
-Gone Dancin'
We NEVER leave PEOPLE... We leave situations. Please keep that in mind. She is not leaving YOU she is leaving a situation that she thinks YOU created. Change that situation and take away her reasons for leaving.
-MarcDIsDone
The four stages in general terms include, (1) Reducing negative emotions (2) Reestablishing a relationship (friendship) (3) Realignment of romance (4) Recommitment
- HOPEFULinCALI
Always say less than she does. If she says five words, you say three. Simple declarative sentences get their attention,they knew I was listening
-Gypsy
Real Love is when you expect nothing in return.
-jmw128
Real Love is if you needed your spouse right now could you depend on them.
-jmw128
I would do whatever for her, expecting nothing
-jmw128
It's not how you fall that matters, but how you get up
-Gypsy
Take long walks to think clearly about your future and what goals you need to set
-sandi2
and that at the very best means that we can control our actions, choices, behaviors, etc. Yes, it is hard work because we pretty much have to re-wire ourselves, but I have found that the more you focus on doing this and the more effort you put into it, the easier it becomes
-Gone Dancin'
You start acting like you will be okay no matter what happens
-Gone Dancin'
She is a typical WAS -- completely in selfish mode.
-Gone Dancin'
It almost always takes a major crisis to fully occur before we are able to understand the magnitude of our previous choices, actions, and behaviors.
-Gone Dancin'
"the grass is only greener where you water it"
-cherylanne
Even though you didn't ask for this to happen, the better educated you are on all facets (DR, relationships, Positive Mental Attitude, the divorce process) the better you'll be able to manage this difficult period
-Gypsy
Just assume that you are competing with another woman, but you have the man
-cherylanne
Do things that are positive for you, not just positive for the marriage, and you will get to a good place
- dry_heat
All the space, all the room, all the freedom he wants. Validation, understanding and making positive changes for me as I emerge from a cocoon of a mismanaged marriage
-Gypsy
I take the Divorce Remedy every where I go, and read it over and over. It brings a peace and renewed understanding.
--Gypsy
I'd say find a positive level of interaction so you engage her as long as she's a willing participant in the "fight" - face the anger, irrationality or whatever as long as you do it in a completely detached way, but face it without fear. This way you are still in the game and can listen, learn, relate, improvise.
- fb2
my new theory is to treat anyone who's being unreasonable like a cat. Ignore them long enough and eventually they seek you out
--Gypsy
How will doing X, Y or Z effect my personal well being, long term goal, family.
--Gypsy
A person has their own needs. You don't tell someone what they are because you don't want to make any demands on someone. But you still have these needs, then you get frustrated because you still have them and they aren't being met. Then you resent me because I'm not meeting your needs. Then you feel guilty for resenting me for not meeting your needs that you never told me about in the first place. Which then frustrates you even more for not saying anything for so long. I know it sounds confusing, but the next thing you are caught up in this revolving door of emotions, and none of them are any good
-homegrown
Maybe DBing is like fishing. If you always pulled 'em in, it'd be called 'catching'. Perhaps the image of the patience it takes to fish might help during this time.
--Gypsy
Building up expectations and using H to validate you, make you happy, centering your life around what he does or doesn't do - those are all things under YOUR control that are causing you to get hurt over and over
-NikB
I understand why that you do not wish to be married at this time and this break is a good time for us to work on ourselves.
-HOPEFULinCALI
1) Minimize contact/conflict with WAW - I am doing this well, yet can do better. But I will focus all my strength in minimizing the time spent during our contacts...I do not want to allow for an opportunity of conflict.
2) When communicating with WAW, I will listen more, talk less, be calm, friendly, and confident - once agan no conflict, no awkwardness, or chaos.
3) Be patient and consistent with my GAL, 180's, etc...WAW is very much noticing my changes/actions through 5D - so I definitely want to maintain what I am doing well.
4) Be extremely focused and determined to get to stage 2 - friendship. To know and execute my three goals above will give me a chance.
I very much want to move to Stage 2 of rekindling our friendship. I miss my friend. I will remain focused on this primary goal.
-jmw128
Quotes found on Divorcebusting
Here are some more:
Quote:
Honestly, the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself for your failing M -- the past is the past, and you did the best you could with the tools you had at the time. End of story
-Gone Dancin'
We NEVER leave PEOPLE... We leave situations. Please keep that in mind. She is not leaving YOU she is leaving a situation that she thinks YOU created. Change that situation and take away her reasons for leaving.
-MarcDIsDone
The four stages in general terms include, (1) Reducing negative emotions (2) Reestablishing a relationship (friendship) (3) Realignment of romance (4) Recommitment
- HOPEFULinCALI
Always say less than she does. If she says five words, you say three. Simple declarative sentences get their attention,they knew I was listening
-Gypsy
Real Love is when you expect nothing in return.
-jmw128
Real Love is if you needed your spouse right now could you depend on them.
-jmw128
I would do whatever for her, expecting nothing
-jmw128
It's not how you fall that matters, but how you get up
-Gypsy
Take long walks to think clearly about your future and what goals you need to set
-sandi2
and that at the very best means that we can control our actions, choices, behaviors, etc. Yes, it is hard work because we pretty much have to re-wire ourselves, but I have found that the more you focus on doing this and the more effort you put into it, the easier it becomes
-Gone Dancin'
You start acting like you will be okay no matter what happens
-Gone Dancin'
She is a typical WAS -- completely in selfish mode.
-Gone Dancin'
It almost always takes a major crisis to fully occur before we are able to understand the magnitude of our previous choices, actions, and behaviors.
-Gone Dancin'
"the grass is only greener where you water it"
-cherylanne
Even though you didn't ask for this to happen, the better educated you are on all facets (DR, relationships, Positive Mental Attitude, the divorce process) the better you'll be able to manage this difficult period
-Gypsy
Just assume that you are competing with another woman, but you have the man
-cherylanne
Do things that are positive for you, not just positive for the marriage, and you will get to a good place
- dry_heat
All the space, all the room, all the freedom he wants. Validation, understanding and making positive changes for me as I emerge from a cocoon of a mismanaged marriage
-Gypsy
I take the Divorce Remedy every where I go, and read it over and over. It brings a peace and renewed understanding.
--Gypsy
I'd say find a positive level of interaction so you engage her as long as she's a willing participant in the "fight" - face the anger, irrationality or whatever as long as you do it in a completely detached way, but face it without fear. This way you are still in the game and can listen, learn, relate, improvise.
- fb2
my new theory is to treat anyone who's being unreasonable like a cat. Ignore them long enough and eventually they seek you out
--Gypsy
How will doing X, Y or Z effect my personal well being, long term goal, family.
--Gypsy
A person has their own needs. You don't tell someone what they are because you don't want to make any demands on someone. But you still have these needs, then you get frustrated because you still have them and they aren't being met. Then you resent me because I'm not meeting your needs. Then you feel guilty for resenting me for not meeting your needs that you never told me about in the first place. Which then frustrates you even more for not saying anything for so long. I know it sounds confusing, but the next thing you are caught up in this revolving door of emotions, and none of them are any good
-homegrown
Maybe DBing is like fishing. If you always pulled 'em in, it'd be called 'catching'. Perhaps the image of the patience it takes to fish might help during this time.
--Gypsy
Building up expectations and using H to validate you, make you happy, centering your life around what he does or doesn't do - those are all things under YOUR control that are causing you to get hurt over and over
-NikB
I understand why that you do not wish to be married at this time and this break is a good time for us to work on ourselves.
-HOPEFULinCALI
1) Minimize contact/conflict with WAW - I am doing this well, yet can do better. But I will focus all my strength in minimizing the time spent during our contacts...I do not want to allow for an opportunity of conflict.
2) When communicating with WAW, I will listen more, talk less, be calm, friendly, and confident - once agan no conflict, no awkwardness, or chaos.
3) Be patient and consistent with my GAL, 180's, etc...WAW is very much noticing my changes/actions through 5D - so I definitely want to maintain what I am doing well.
4) Be extremely focused and determined to get to stage 2 - friendship. To know and execute my three goals above will give me a chance.
I very much want to move to Stage 2 of rekindling our friendship. I miss my friend. I will remain focused on this primary goal.
-jmw128