Update - I failed - 11/05/15 06:21 PM
Link to my original thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2603680#Post2603680
I felt the need to write this update, mostly in the hope that it will benefit someone else down the road. I sit here heartbroken, my M is over, my W will likely move on with the OM.
Looking back, I struggled to control my emotions around my wife, and I found myself filled with anger, disgust, and sadness..our arguments never went anywhere, as we both continued to hurt each other.
I knew the DB rules/guidlines, and tried to follow them, but often gave in when my W accused me of not checking in, or leaving "to party" when in fact i was just detaching as part of GAL.
My W claimed I wasn't fighting for her. Not in the way she wanted. But how the hell was i supposed to fight when i kept discovering more about her A, and deep it had become. I spiraled...drank a lot for a while, but quickly regained control. Began working out, and getting in good shape..all this time my W claimed she was done with her affair, but showed no remorse, and wasn't willing to take any steps to rebuild trust.
I hurt so badly, and wanted to connect with my W. However, after finding out she was still lying about her involvement with OM, and based on the Sandi2's article I moved her stuff into our spare bedroom. From here we never recovered.
Living through an affair has been the darkest part of my life. It has made me question every aspect of my relationship, as well as myself as a person.
My advice for those that are new to this forum:
You have to stay calm, walk away from the fights.
Find one friend that you can really trust, and use them for support. Trust me, walking out of the house and calling this friend when things get bad will be key.
Exercise, and avoid drinking (especially if your W is around)
Don't focus on the OM. Its hard, but resist the temptation to do so.
What I question:
In my case, my W has said, "through all of this i didn't feel like you fought for me" This goes against detaching, and many of the DB principles. However, I can't help but wondering, should I have gone "all in"? Who knows.
If anyone who reads this needs someone to speak with I want to help. Knowing how devastating a marriage crisis can be, I would hate for anyone to go through it alone.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2603680#Post2603680
I felt the need to write this update, mostly in the hope that it will benefit someone else down the road. I sit here heartbroken, my M is over, my W will likely move on with the OM.
Looking back, I struggled to control my emotions around my wife, and I found myself filled with anger, disgust, and sadness..our arguments never went anywhere, as we both continued to hurt each other.
I knew the DB rules/guidlines, and tried to follow them, but often gave in when my W accused me of not checking in, or leaving "to party" when in fact i was just detaching as part of GAL.
My W claimed I wasn't fighting for her. Not in the way she wanted. But how the hell was i supposed to fight when i kept discovering more about her A, and deep it had become. I spiraled...drank a lot for a while, but quickly regained control. Began working out, and getting in good shape..all this time my W claimed she was done with her affair, but showed no remorse, and wasn't willing to take any steps to rebuild trust.
I hurt so badly, and wanted to connect with my W. However, after finding out she was still lying about her involvement with OM, and based on the Sandi2's article I moved her stuff into our spare bedroom. From here we never recovered.
Living through an affair has been the darkest part of my life. It has made me question every aspect of my relationship, as well as myself as a person.
My advice for those that are new to this forum:
You have to stay calm, walk away from the fights.
Find one friend that you can really trust, and use them for support. Trust me, walking out of the house and calling this friend when things get bad will be key.
Exercise, and avoid drinking (especially if your W is around)
Don't focus on the OM. Its hard, but resist the temptation to do so.
What I question:
In my case, my W has said, "through all of this i didn't feel like you fought for me" This goes against detaching, and many of the DB principles. However, I can't help but wondering, should I have gone "all in"? Who knows.
If anyone who reads this needs someone to speak with I want to help. Knowing how devastating a marriage crisis can be, I would hate for anyone to go through it alone.