W in long PA with another woman. I'm devastated. - 01/21/11 07:46 PM
I am going to try my best to piece this story together for you. Sorry of it is long. I am currently devastated and looking for advice. What may make this story different from the others I have been reading is that wife is having a 10 month EA and PA with another woman.
I would have added the details to my signature, but it would not let me for some reason.
Me - 32 W - 32
S - 5 months
M - 2.5 years
T - 5 years
Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY
PA discovered - 1/18/11
My wife and I have had a pretty good relationship from my ideas. There has never been any infidelity, physical violence, deep issues that can cause conflict. We have had our difficulties with communication at times, but what marriage doesn't? My wife and I decided that we wanted to have a baby and began starting in the Fall of 2009. We got pregnant in 11/09. During this time, we decided it would best to start seeing a marriage counselor to help with our communication skills before the baby arrived. These sessions began in the Spring of 2010 and appeared to be very helpful. We fought less. Worked on some of the strategies given. Things were looking better to me. It was also during this time that our therapist recommended that we give each other more free time on our own. I was working from home often, and my wife said that space in our small house concerned her. She began hanging out more with a new girlfriend from work more and more during her pregnancy. To me, I was happy for her. Her friend did not drink and was supportive. W had been sad that her older friends began to stray once my wife could not go out and party with them. The new girlfriend spent nearly everyday with W. At times I found it a bit odd, but I wanted to do my best to give my wife the independence with friends she was looking for. OW was married but was in the process of not being able to have children, so her marriage was rocky.
We also stopped seeing couples therapist in anticpation of our S arrival. Our S arrived on 8/14/10. Both of us were very happy. W's girlfriend was actually in the hospital with us, as W starting giving birth which was odd, but again I felt that this was my wife's new best friend giving support.
Shortly after the birth, W became very sad. Lots of crying. Staying in her bedroom with newborn S. Her mother and talked about post-pardum depression. A week later, my wife gave me a bomb. She was really unhappy. ILYBNILWY. She said that she had talked to her doc, and he told her not to make any major decisions. He believed post-pardum like the rest of us. I told myself it would get better and did everything I could to assist my wife with parenting. she also began seeing her own therapist.
W's girlfriend was working again while W was taking leave. She would come by on weekends. My wife complained that she felt locked in our home with the baby, so I encouraged her to get out. Still thinking post-pardum. My wife began spending more time with her girlfriend. Sometimes spending the night. Since girlfriend lived on the other side of town, I did not flinch when she would tell me S went to sleep and she would just spend the night on girlfriend's couch. This started to happen often. they began to do more and more things together and I was feeling left out emotionally. The Fall of 2010, I began considering the EA.
On 12/14/10, after a very small fight concerning movie tickets that I wanted to use to take my wife on a date (she wanted to take girlfriend), she dropped the big bomb. ILYBNILWY. She also told me that she had not returned to sleeping in our bed, because she did not want to. She did not want tany intemacy with me. For weeks, I had been encouraging her to our bed at night but had been patient while she nursed the baby at night. She said that she wanted space to think and left for her girlfriend's for a few nights.
***I am going to start a new post to continue, because I know this is getting long.***
I would have added the details to my signature, but it would not let me for some reason.
Me - 32 W - 32
S - 5 months
M - 2.5 years
T - 5 years
Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY
PA discovered - 1/18/11
My wife and I have had a pretty good relationship from my ideas. There has never been any infidelity, physical violence, deep issues that can cause conflict. We have had our difficulties with communication at times, but what marriage doesn't? My wife and I decided that we wanted to have a baby and began starting in the Fall of 2009. We got pregnant in 11/09. During this time, we decided it would best to start seeing a marriage counselor to help with our communication skills before the baby arrived. These sessions began in the Spring of 2010 and appeared to be very helpful. We fought less. Worked on some of the strategies given. Things were looking better to me. It was also during this time that our therapist recommended that we give each other more free time on our own. I was working from home often, and my wife said that space in our small house concerned her. She began hanging out more with a new girlfriend from work more and more during her pregnancy. To me, I was happy for her. Her friend did not drink and was supportive. W had been sad that her older friends began to stray once my wife could not go out and party with them. The new girlfriend spent nearly everyday with W. At times I found it a bit odd, but I wanted to do my best to give my wife the independence with friends she was looking for. OW was married but was in the process of not being able to have children, so her marriage was rocky.
We also stopped seeing couples therapist in anticpation of our S arrival. Our S arrived on 8/14/10. Both of us were very happy. W's girlfriend was actually in the hospital with us, as W starting giving birth which was odd, but again I felt that this was my wife's new best friend giving support.
Shortly after the birth, W became very sad. Lots of crying. Staying in her bedroom with newborn S. Her mother and talked about post-pardum depression. A week later, my wife gave me a bomb. She was really unhappy. ILYBNILWY. She said that she had talked to her doc, and he told her not to make any major decisions. He believed post-pardum like the rest of us. I told myself it would get better and did everything I could to assist my wife with parenting. she also began seeing her own therapist.
W's girlfriend was working again while W was taking leave. She would come by on weekends. My wife complained that she felt locked in our home with the baby, so I encouraged her to get out. Still thinking post-pardum. My wife began spending more time with her girlfriend. Sometimes spending the night. Since girlfriend lived on the other side of town, I did not flinch when she would tell me S went to sleep and she would just spend the night on girlfriend's couch. This started to happen often. they began to do more and more things together and I was feeling left out emotionally. The Fall of 2010, I began considering the EA.
On 12/14/10, after a very small fight concerning movie tickets that I wanted to use to take my wife on a date (she wanted to take girlfriend), she dropped the big bomb. ILYBNILWY. She also told me that she had not returned to sleeping in our bed, because she did not want to. She did not want tany intemacy with me. For weeks, I had been encouraging her to our bed at night but had been patient while she nursed the baby at night. She said that she wanted space to think and left for her girlfriend's for a few nights.
***I am going to start a new post to continue, because I know this is getting long.***