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Posted By: Allen A What's the Most Shocking Thing your WS did? - 08/19/10 12:02 AM
Just out of academic curiosity I am wondering what was the most shocking thing your WS ever did during their affair?

For me, I think the most shocking thing (other than the cheating of course) was her throwing things at me. Ten years together and not one thing ever flew threw the air at me.

During the affair I think there were about half a dozen instances of non-standard airborne objects travelling at high speeds towards my head (missed every time).

-----------

So what's the most outrageous thing your WS did, or for those still in the challenge, has done so far?

What did your addicted WS do that shocked you to the point you couldn't recognize them anymore?
Had to be when she had her father on the phone, and he was imploring her to end her affair, and telling her how distraught her mother was. This was a woman whom my wife called probably 360 days per year, and saw 3-4x/week. They were best friends.

My wife's response to her dad?

"Oh, tell her she needs to get over it."

I was stunned. Blew me away more than even the cheating.

Puppy
Wow... that's every day pretty much.. I remember one other shocker you posted about her leaving the kids without a lunch on one afternoon... I remember it because you were actually cursing in your post you were so angry lol
Quote:
My wife's response to her dad?

"Oh, tell her she needs to get over it."



Yeah, it's weird in a way, but makes perfect sense in another way: WAS are really convinced that their life before the affair was the source of their unhappiness, and while they are focused on the affair (and everything is new and exciting), it makes them "happy", builds their confidence and ego, and that ego... really just wants others to get over it.
No crazy experiences on your end TH?
I had another guy on here that I mentored offline, and his wife had sex in her car, with their 1-year old asleep in the carseat a foot and a half away from them.

Disgusting.

Puppy
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
I had another guy on here that I mentored offline, and his wife had sex in her car, with their 1-year old asleep in the carseat a foot and a half away from them.

Disgusting.

Puppy


Oh my god... "get a room" is an understatement!
Oooh, ooh, let me play...at the top of the list has to be standing in MY living room on the phone with our landlord begging to be let out of his responsibility to our lease. My landlord actually played the message for me.

I was floored. I still can't believe it.
Originally Posted By: bluestar
Oooh, ooh, let me play...at the top of the list has to be standing in MY living room on the phone with our landlord begging to be let out of his responsibility to our lease. My landlord actually played the message for me.

I was floored. I still can't believe it.


I assume the landlord wasn't sympathetic to his "dilemna?"
ugh, no. definitely not. Our landlord was a great guy who told me not to worry that I should pay my part and he would handle my H if he chose not to pay.
It's all kind of shocking to me. I guess still the most shocking was getting the "sex text" that H meant to send to the ex-gf he was chatting up. Although, him trying to convince the kids that I was a crazy person that was unable to be lived with(so he would be justified in getting out)goes right up there too. I mean, it's one thing for him to be selfish and trying to feed his ego with the ex,but to try and convince your children that their mother is so bad that she deserves to be walked out on??? That's low.
Oh wait - I thought of another one: H told D18 that he was going to move to another state THOUSANDS of miles away.... she was shocked and totally upset. This was about 2 months ago and I just heard about it recently from her. He's never mentioned this to me.
H was dragging his feet on canceling our family plan w/cells (H was account holder, so I couldn't change plan). Days before moving out, I said something to him about it.

H freaked out, said that I wanted a new # anyway (news to me), couldn't get a new #, that I couldn't stop talking to him.

Also, H insisted that I now look like $hit (down to 135), and the next breathe suggested that I start stripping.
Gee...so many!

It could be the time where she told me she was planning to call the cops on me because she was "afraid" of me (I've never raised my hand or voice to her in our entire 18 year R), then coming over that evening with dinner and a very friendly attitude.

Or it could be the times when she insists that I kicked her out even though she was the one who left, not once, but three times.

Many more to count. Although the OM shocked me by showing up at my workplace.
Leaving me a few months into a planned pregnancy, and then leaving me to raise the child alone while he moves to the other side of the world to be with OW.
Sitting at a stop light late at night, watching him open the driver's side car door for her, then looking around before he slipped into the passenger's seat so she could drive him home...9 MONTHS after he SWORE to me it was over between them.
Come on Red, you have three years of ammunition here... you are going soft on us lol
Originally Posted By: Allen A
Come on Red, you have three years of ammunition here... you are going soft on us lol


It's kind of like childbirth - you try to forget the really painful parts.

Let's see...

*He'd go out of town, call me and the kids for five minutes, then get on the phone with OW for 2 hours.

*He'd text her 30x a day, on average, mostly after I'd gone to sleep.

*He took us out to dinner for Mother's Day and spent most of the meal texting OW back and forth.

*When I woke up one night at 2 am and he wasn't in bed beside me, I called him at work, frantic. He came home 20 minutes later. Texted OW at 3:20 am.

*He went out of town, flight delayed, arrived at airport at midnight. Texted OW 63x between 12:01 and 4 am, as he was driving home. That's when I discovered the affair. When I demanded to know why he was texted HER, he said he was trying to stay awake on the drive home.

I could go on, but now I'm getting depressed....
Originally Posted By: Seeing Red

*He went out of town, flight delayed, arrived at airport at midnight. Texted OW 63x between 12:01 and 4 am, as he was driving home. That's when I discovered the affair. When I demanded to know why he was texted HER, he said he was trying to stay awake on the drive home.


Texting while driving is illegal! He could have run someone over!

Not that this is the worst part necessarily, but it does highlight how severe these addictions can get.
H left in Aug 09, moved in with OW in Oct 09. My sister died of lung cancer in Nov 09 and I flew out of state to attend funeral with my son. When I returned home, he had broke in the house and removed all of "his" belongings from the garage and shed, mainly tools and other equipment needed to maintain a home. To say the least I was shocked that he took the opportunity at such a devastating time in my life.
My 42 year old H (at the time) promised and his OW planned on freezing her eggs (she was 30) and him getting his Vasectomy reversed so they could have babies one day!

He got the V done when our D was 6 months old because he didn't want anymore kids

He wasn't even seeing his own kids at the time (makes me want to have kids with him, right)

She was still married and sleeping in the same bed with her H (but she said "he is gay")

they are both professional pilots living a world apart and neither would be able to relocate and keep employment

and to top it off ... she had a one armed brother living with her. (I am not making fun of people with this disability but with all the other strange things that came out, why he chose to tell me that just made me laugh. Not at the brother.)

You can't make this stuff up!
Originally Posted By: sandycay
My 42 year old H (at the time) promised and his OW planned on freezing her eggs (she was 30) and him getting his Vasectomy reversed so they could have babies one day!

He got the V done when our D was 6 months old because he didn't want anymore kids

He wasn't even seeing his own kids at the time (makes me want to have kids with him, right)

She was still married and sleeping in the same bed with her H (but she said "he is gay")

they are both professional pilots living a world apart and neither would be able to relocate and keep employment

and to top it off ... she had a one armed brother living with her. (I am not making fun of people with this disability but with all the other strange things that came out, why he chose to tell me that just made me laugh. Not at the brother.)

You can't make this stuff up!


We may have a winner folks...
Piano's, Yalck's, and SandyCay's are ALL bad. Yikes!

The worst I heard from someone else was H was in New York for two weeks on business, called home (LA) and talked to W and S every day. It was so late when he got home, W asked him to take taxi from airport rather than drag S out so late. When H got home at 2 am, the house was empty and W and S had moved to San Francisco, where her family lived.

To top it off, they'd just sold their home, banked the money, and were waiting to close on their new home. W took kid, money, and belongings and only left stuff she didn't want.

H never saw it coming...
That reminds me of the link Eeyore posted about the WH kidnapping his two boys and taking them to Florida and then posting his wedding photos on facebook...

THAT was pretty bad too... Maybe we should give that poor LBS the award...

Any word on that case btw?
My XW had the nerve to ask me to DROP HER off at the airport so she can see the cretin! mad Methinks not!!
Mine was when my wife, a pretty frugal woman, blew through $5@@@ in about three weeks. $2300 of it was to get out of one lease on an apt only to change to a different one. May not sound like much, but knowing her it spoke volumes of where her head was.
Mine most shocking statement was I had told H no contact, or gifts to EA OW and when he sent her a birthday card and I found out and confronted him. the fool that he was at the time said, it was only a card and I guess I forgot I wasn't supposed to do that. crazy


JAK
Originally Posted By: JoJo's circus
Mine most shocking statement was I had told H no contact, or gifts to EA OW and when he sent her a birthday card and I found out and confronted him. the fool that he was at the time said, it was only a card and I guess I forgot I wasn't supposed to do that. crazy

JAK


This may not be the most offensive action I have heard on this thread, but that certainly is the most pathetic excuse for misbehaviour so far... lol
Told me I should consider myself single, that he considers himself single. Then, the next two days I don't answer the phone when he calls and he freaks out, accusing me of seeing someone else, then saying he's going to immediately file for divorce and that he was just about to go to marriage counselling.
ya right.
Originally Posted By: asher
Told me I should consider myself single, that he considers himself single. Then, the next two days I don't answer the phone when he calls and he freaks out, accusing me of seeing someone else, then saying he's going to immediately file for divorce and that he was just about to go to marriage counselling.
ya right.


Holy Passive aggressive Batman!
Originally Posted By: JoJo's circus
Mine most shocking statement was I had told H no contact, or gifts to EA OW and when he sent her a birthday card and I found out and confronted him. the fool that he was at the time said, it was only a card and I guess I forgot I wasn't supposed to do that. crazy




"Your Honor, I forgot, that armed robbery, was a crime!"

-- Steve Martin
Originally Posted By: sandycay
one armed brother



BAND NAME!!! laugh cool


Puppy
BF wanted to go out with me on my birthday and I foolishly gave in. At the end of the horribly uncomfortable night he went to the garage to call OW. My birthday is a big deal for me--SO not cool.

Oh yeah, and he had sex with OW in my living room while I was out of town. I'm still not over that.
Originally Posted By: pearlharbr
Oh yeah, and he had sex with OW in my living room while I was out of town. I'm still not over that.


Bastard!

They're NEVER supposed to slum in your own home! Cheat AND idiot! I don't blame you for not getting over that...
I left my husband over Thanksgiving weekend last year, but we still got each other some gifts at Christmas. One gift that he got me was a digital camera. I thought “how nice” since I didn’t have one- H had always been the family photographer. He gets me alone after Christmas dinner and asks if I knew the reason he got me the camera. I suggested (hopefully) on account of the kids. Nope- he wants me to take pics of myself out on dates with other guys in various sexual situations and send them to him...
Let's see...

1)I moved 9 times in 11 years of marriage so H could keep moving up the ladder in his career, giving up my job willingly many times so he could reach his goals. Supported him spending thousands of dollars on his side business (show cattle) because I thought it would make him happy. Stuck with him through a 1 night stand, a short term affair, then finally the 3 yr debacle that ended our marriage. And he has the nerve to tell me "BBJ you never supported me or any of my goals or dreams. We would still be together if you cared, but you never did."

2)The time before I knew for sure there was an A, we were still married and living together, when I texted him begging him to come home and help me with the kids. I had gotten a MRSA/superbug staff infection in my back, had it opened up, cleaned out, and packed WITH the kids in the dr office bc he wouldn't come watch them. So that night I asked him to come home bc I needed to take my pain pills and wanted help w/the kids. He was out w "people from work" (ow) and did not come home untiil 2 a.m.

3)Just this summer we were at my son's baseball game. Now-ex handed me his camera and asked me to take pics. I glanced through it (he said I could as there were pics of my d's birthday party with his family) standing there among the other families and came across close up pictures of h's genitals and of him naked. Ick!!!! Thank goodness the other parents didn't see them...
The most shocking thing mine has done so far is I can't beleave how disconnected she is with the kids when I have them they call her and most of the time she don't answer when she does she's to busy to talk. Last night we met her at the kids school and she ask them why they haven't been calling her.
Or it might be the way every time she gets mad at me she won't let the kids see me or call me then she tells me that I am using the kids aginst her.
1. Filing for full placement (which she now denies ever happened)

2. Telling me she wants to get back together (on a Friday), then spent the entire weekend with OM

3. And now that we're in the process of reconciling.....she needs boundaries - this is after 6 months of her telling me she can't live with boundaries!
May not be the very worst, but definitely the most recent -

Tonight was our anniversary(16th), and I did ask to go to dinner, thinking she would not accept(Friday is a big night for OM and her), but she did. Semi awkward, mostly because this was first one-on-one we’ve had in a long time. Said goodnight, both drove home, me to home, her to her rental 85 steps from ‘home’. She TM ‘Thank you again, have a good night’. I go pick up DD from friend(this all about 1030pm), get home, put DD to bed, and stroll 85 paces, and low and behold, OM is at her place, within 20 minutes of her being home.

The one that still sticks hard is her statement - “I know what I did was wrong(sex with OM and ongoing A), but you had no right to tell my dad and ruin my relationship with him!”

OH well, on the positive side, she did go to dinner, something she would never have done a month ago.
Wow Optimust....that is so eerily familiar.
Optimus,

Why on earth did you ask W to dinner when she is still actively having A?
I'm weak I guess. Just didn't want to look back either divorced or not and have missed an anniversary. At this point, I figured a mistake either good or bad is forgivable on such an important day. I don't see it as the straw that broke the back, and if so, oh well, if that's the type of thing that puts her over the edge, that's saying something in and of itself.
Optimust, it throws a wrench in the affair busting process to go out to dinner with a spouse who is violating boundaries... you VALIDATE the affair when you do that...
Over the duration of my H's 18 month A, he did a 'nut' job on me and managed to make me believe that our family friends didn't like me. He managed to make me believe that they only stayed friends with us because they felt sorry for him and liked him.....but just suffered me being at social occasions. He managed to separate me from my support network and I still live with the legacy of it today - my confidence is something I struggle with, whereas I never did before.

He also didn't believe me when I tried to end my life - it took the kids to convince him that it was for real.
Originally Posted By: saffie
Over the duration of my H's 18 month A, he did a 'nut' job on me and managed to make me believe that our family friends didn't like me. He managed to make me believe that they only stayed friends with us because they felt sorry for him and liked him.....but just suffered me being at social occasions. He managed to separate me from my support network and I still live with the legacy of it today - my confidence is something I struggle with, whereas I never did before.

He also didn't believe me when I tried to end my life - it took the kids to convince him that it was for real.


Saffie, I can totally relate. H rants every chance he gets that all of our friends "hate" me & warned him to not get involved w/me. crazy crazy crazy
I'm going to post my own incredibly outrageous antics while I was out of my mind during my affair.

While at the airport, I lost the OW's phone number. My flight had changed times and I had no way of letting OW know. I called my wife and asked her to find it for me! (which she did)

While in counseling, I was considering breaking it off with the OW, I asked my W if we (OW and I) could continue to communicate as friends!

I was so effed up but I'm better now. I can attest to the craziness one goes thru while enmeshed in an A.
Oooh.Let's see.

I know of three hotel and one camping getaway she has had with OM.

First was under the guise of a "ladies weekend". It was the first night since birth that she had not been in the same house as her daughter. I supported her need to get out of the house and GAL, too.

Second, was her "birthday weekend" her new girlfriend was taking her to "Mall Town" for some shopping. It was also Father's Day weekend.

Third was while D2 and I were at my parent's 50th Wedding Anniversary. The camping trip that I discovered on her camera and finally confirmed my suspicions

Last was to the resort that she and I first went to on our fist weekend getaway. Coincidentally, also happened to be the same resort HE took his wife (now separated) on THEIR anniversaries.
This where I gave them some "Infidelus Interruptus". Exposed the A to their employer and his parents and wife the day they arrived there.

So specifically hurtful it felt almost spiteful.
Last
well before i was married i had an affair, and it has to be one of the stupidest thing i have ever done....i helped move this girl and her 2 sons from central texas to missouri. I drove the uhaul. Then when i was flying back i realized that i didnt have a way to get back to my apartment....guess who i called...god i wish someone would have beat the @#$%^ out of me.....
Well, leaving me 8 months pregnant. How can he do anything worse?

Oh and maybe when he told me after S' birth that he was having such a hard time trying to juggle his life, working his ass off to see S and travel back and forth for his "relationship." Poor guy!
Posted By: Deep Re: What's the Most Shocking Thing your WS did? - 08/29/10 05:13 PM
Well some of the things that WAS have done in this thread alone is shocking, mine would pale in comparison, but here are some highlights:

- Son, 3+ at that time, took alot of the brunt of her fog I think. His bday, hers, and OM all were within the same week. He got nothing from her, nada, zilch. That week, she had spent about 3 days in all going on roadtrips and spa getaways with him. I still remember taking him to collect the cake I had gotten a designer to customise for him in his favorite cartoon character. She was too busy acting tired so she could chat with him while we were gone. Oh, and he got a part in his playschool musical that year. She was going to fly off with OM that very night for 2 weeks in Europe. Too bad about missing his act.

And she was chatting with him about HIS kids and how proud she was of their achievements. Unreal. Well too bad for her then I busted the A less than 2 weeks before the trip.

- Asking me about web design and market development ideas for one of his companies he was considering hiring her to run (and co-own). Did I mention OM was loaded to the gills?

- My personal favourite. Getting me to join her and OM for drinks, together with some business contacts from Europe whose legit business dealings was their alibi for the planned European getaway. It was there that I first really smelt a fish, when an associate asked OM why he booked such an out of the way and "non-business" hotel for the stay and to move to one nearer the company to be visited; and the way OM replied "2 rooms of course" when asked how many they needed at the new proposed hotel. OM probably got a real kick of the way he got to shake my hand and buy me a beer with W between us.

And twice. She did this twice.
Deep... That is just sickly... I certainly hope she's remorseful...
Posted By: Deep Re: What's the Most Shocking Thing your WS did? - 08/30/10 06:33 AM
Allen, well eventually she showed the remorse, although not all at once, certainly not in the mourning period, and it wasn't an easy ride at the start, during, or even now.

She refers to that time now as a period where she wasn't quite sane, and quite literally. When we had both recovered from the most intense period somewhat, I asked her why she took certain risks, including sending our version of the NC letter via COMPANY email (she works for a large bank and OM is a top client). I'll always remember the way she replied, in an almost incredulous tone: "Yes of course it was crazy to do that, but I wasn't sane then, was I?" - with a silent (DUH!).

Oh, and I just remembered something that isn't so much shocking as funny in an ironical way. Past exposure and confrontation, W was at the mourning stage where she missed her true soulmate (OM) but was trying to stay for the kids. As she put it "Deep, it's not like I can't stand your face, I guess I can be not too unhappy living with you." That 6-9 months was bonesplinteringly painful. Which was when I got close to an OW of my own, a friend who found out about her H's cheating 1 week after I told her about my W, and threw him out within 3 days. Cutting a very long and complex story short, she was talking to me every day and flew out to meet me when I travelled for a business trip (she apparently had a sudden business trip that cropped up there too). No, we never did anything physically sexual. Yes, as Sandi and others hammered home, I was guilty of an EA, which is inexcusable too.

Anyway the funny part was how much this really ATE W up. Call it the extreme Gucce/Robx scenario or whatever but it probably helped burn her fog big time. Besides kicking up hell, she brought it up at many post-Retrouvaille CORE meetings, and more than once she said "Yes, it was really, really hurtful, but more than that, it was REALLY stupid. I can't believe that after all we went through, and what we shared, that Deep could actually put himself in a position to risk everything we built, and jeopardise our marriage and family."

Yeah. Duh smile
Originally Posted By: JoJo's circus
Mine most shocking statement was I had told H no contact, or gifts to EA OW and when he sent her a birthday card and I found out and confronted him. the fool that he was at the time said, it was only a card and I guess I forgot I wasn't supposed to do that.





"Your Honor, I forgot, that armed robbery, was a crime!"

-- Steve Martin
_________________________



Puppy,
LOL Hadn't been on in a while and saw this, can't stop laughing! laugh

Allen,
Pathetic excuse for sure. That is why it shocked me so much as it is such a lame a$$ excuse that I can not beleive for a minute that the words could even venture from his mouth or that he thoguht I could be that gullible. What on MLC A$$. crazy

He quit his job 2 weeks ago and seems much happier not sseeing fantasy OW any longer. Time will tell.

JAK
Ok, here we go....one night in the middle of W's A, before I knew for sure it was an A, W went out "with Friends" after work. She assured me she'd be home by 5 so we could do something as a family......

When she came rolling in about 9:00, I kind of lost my cool (this had happened many Friday nights in a row) and asked her if this was her idea of what a marriage was supposed to be like...

She kind of looked away and I said "What does marriage mean to you?" And she said.....wait for it....

"Trust and Fidelity".

That was about 15 minutes after leaving OM's apartment where she went for her Friday boink.

H4U

Wow.
... <speechless>
Here's another - wanted to make a large purchase out of the household account because he'd spent all the money in his personal account on gift for OW.
Yikes...
Finding their "love journal" in the trunk of H's car (they used it to write their "love story" to each other). Gross.

Finding movie tickets in the laundry to a movie I didn't go to (after we'd been slowly making progress on recovery and just returned from family vacation). The conversation went like this:

Me: What did you do Sunday?
H: Nothing, ran errands.
Me: Hmmm... didn't go to a movie?
H: Uhhh... oh yeah, I did.
Me: Who did you go with?
H: Who do you think I went with?
Me: OW.
H: Why do you think that?
Me: Because you're giving no reason to think otherwise.
H: Oh yeah... I did.
Me: Click (me hanging up phone)
That's it?

Just "oh ya, I did" ?

I am shocked he was wreckless enough to leave a Journal in the car... My wife and OM kept theirs online... publically viewable blog... Did they think I was that stupid? really?

And the kicker? It's STILL THERE!!!
Originally Posted By: Allen A
That's it?

Just "oh ya, I did" ?

I am shocked he was wreckless enough to leave a Journal in the car... My wife and OM kept theirs online... publically viewable blog... Did they think I was that stupid? really?

And the kicker? It's STILL THERE!!!


And you're okay with that??
Posted By: mza8 Re: What's the Most Shocking Thing your WS did? - 09/03/10 04:53 PM
Wow, that one got me shaking my head. I did smile a bit when I saw that you just hung up on him. Good for you. I bet you were not happy. Unbelievable that he just said, "oh yeah, I did".
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails

And you're okay with that??


Nope... I'm not... But right now she's not going on that forum anymore anyhow... And she can't do anything about him celebrating his violating my wife on HIS BLOG... He' has his up and he's quite proud of it...

OM's in Florida, so I am hoping hurrican earle picks him up this weekend and he never reappears...

One can dream...
Through this whole ordeal, I'm starting to see that H is not the brightest bulb and a TERRIBLE liar. To quote Bugs Bunny "What a maroon...".
You will find 4mb that infidelity is an addiction and it makes people not think as well as they would NOT under teh influence.. its much like being drunk or high... Even compulsive gamblers have this problem... He may have intelligence, but during an affair he's "under the influence" and you can't expect him to be running anywhere near full capacity
THe best from my ex was
1: "I confess myself. I don't need a Priest to do that. So please God deliever me from stupid people." My ex claimed to be Catholic.

2: "Don't worry I will let DD keep your last name, but I want my maiden name."

3: Said the Catholic church would annul our marriage and our DD would not be illegitimate
Just thought of another great ex quote
Someone called her by my last name(happened right after D was final). "Don't cal me by that bast**d name." My reply "Don't forget your D has the same last name."

Current wife would tell me she wants to be in a relationship of trust and respect, while tell OM I miss you.
We need to change the vows from "for better or for worse" to
"for better or for intellectually derelict"
Posted By: babh Re: What's the Most Shocking Thing your WS did? - 09/04/10 01:52 AM
Me explaing to H why I don't have any money, "someone left me with all the bills to pay, so I have been living lean lately" H a blank look on his face "who did that?" and he was serious!

Really very much like a drug state.
My stbxW is pretty mild, so I'll have relay the best one I've heard.

My friend's xH cheated on her multiple times with multiple OW. He comes home one day and hands her a bottle of antibiotics and says,

"Here. You're supposed to take these."

--Fergie
Originally Posted By: Fergie
My stbxW is pretty mild, so I'll have relay the best one I've heard.

My friend's xH cheated on her multiple times with multiple OW. He comes home one day and hands her a bottle of antibiotics and says,

"Here. You're supposed to take these."

--Fergie


Oh... My... GOD

Niiiice . . .
oooh boy, that's harsh!

Don't say I never gave you anything... right?!!!!



All these horrible things have rung true AND (sorry) made me laugh too.We are not alone...

H bought a 200Euro necklace for QW as a Christmas present; I got a paperback book. Seeing the jewellery on our accounts (while innocently checking we weren't in the red), I confronted him with this; he said "she's just a good friend and she's been very depressed, she was there for me when I needed he". AND I ACTUALLY SWALLOWED THAT. Hello-oh!

H brought OW to our home to eat, to train with him (sportspeople), to do our daughter's hair on her communion day (although I wanted to do it myself), WHILE the affair was going on.

H used children (ours and hers) as an excuse to meet up and be together on several occasions while foolah was at work;

When he finally told me about the affair (after a romantic weekend when we'd been very happy), he said he'd been acting a part for years, it was my fault, he'd been obliged to look elsewhere for love because I was amways at work, never at home and also because I never went anywhere and was smothering him. I'm still trying to get my head around that one, but I was never good at trigonometry.
NCU
I get that people have needs that go unmet. I get that people feel urges to look elsewhere to meet them.

What I draw the line on this LYING about taking action.

There are things I want to own... motorcycle, etc... I look at magazines.. I even checked them out at an auto show...

But I am NOT going to LIE to my wife and BUY a motorcycle in SECRET and DRIVE it around town behind her back for months and months...

Feeling wayward and feeling like straying is understandable.. I have issue with ACTING on that in ways that are not constructive.

If I want a motorcycle, I TALK to my WIFE about it... If she's not around... I write her a letter... I do everything I can to get HER in teh LOOP before I buy it...

These feelings of waywardness that build up take TIME, it sin't overnight... and during this time of processing THAT is when you SPEAK UP LOUDLY.. you don't mumble and hide in a corner to fester in secret...
Originally Posted By: Allen A
Originally Posted By: Fergie
My stbxW is pretty mild, so I'll have relay the best one I've heard.

My friend's xH cheated on her multiple times with multiple OW. He comes home one day and hands her a bottle of antibiotics and says,

"Here. You're supposed to take these."

--Fergie


Oh... My... GOD


On the flip side, at least he was concerned for her health...or was it his?
Originally Posted By: Seeing Red

On the flip side, at least he was concerned for her health...


lol
Originally Posted By: Allen A


These feelings of waywardness that build up take TIME, it sin't overnight... and during this time of processing THAT is when you SPEAK UP LOUDLY.. you don't mumble and hide in a corner to fester in secret...


2 years ago, I had a crush on a customer that came into my work. I kept that to myself, talked to him alot, but didn't directly (or indirectly) act on it. Crush had no idea. After a while, became aware that it was reciprocal. At that point, told my bf, who also worked there; completely backed off and maintained distance until it passed. Meanwhile, at home, H was not meeting my needs left & right. However, that still wasn't enough to justify having A.

Made the mistake of telling H this story shortly before moving out. H freaked and told me that my un-acted on crush was the same as his PA. crazy crazy Assume that H's OW was the first crush he had since we got together which may be why H didn't have the sense to do the right thing.

edit: typos
Originally Posted By: Seeing Red
On the flip side, at least he was concerned for her health...or was it his?
LOL. I guess thats one way of looking at it.

He also took that health concern a step further.

He told her if she gained anymore weight, he would:

"Have her jaw wired shut".

She said she is getting a kick out of it now. She is remarried with three kids, still not overweight, and he is now married to a very large woman.

--Fergie
It's been along time ago, but I still "ponder" some of the crap H pulled in his A days. There was so much of it I could go on and on, but when I saw this thread 2 "special" things came to mind.

1)Went on a trip over thanksgiving to our family vacation spot, I was suspicious....he assured me he was going alone...then called me upon arrival and said "just wanted to let you know WE made it"....I don't think he ever even knew he said it.

2)On same trip...he'd promised he would call home everynight. He DID keep that promise...Called, chatted for quite some time, said ILY's...with OW in the cabin. Evidently, it upset her mightily,(wow, imagine that) and she would throw a tantrum and be angry for hours. Every night. Darn

3)H went on a weekend "hunting trip", supposedly staying at his BIL's. I had blocked ow's # on our phone...H calls me, tells me he didnt know what was up, but he "couldnt get through so he had to call on his cell" duhhhhh.....I only had 1 number blocked so it was a dead giveaway. I called BIL to check on the phone problem who surprise surprise hadnt seen nor heard from him...drove to ow's house and found his car

I could go on and on, but it's amazing how DUMB he was...I always wondered if he thought I was that stupid.
Lovin' this thread! Ya gotta have a sense of humor to get through this.

I am sure everyone has heard this from me before but I thought I'd throw it in here for posterity.

My H, not wanting to give up OW, But wanting to come home to me and the kids, suggested OW move into our home and live in the media room. "She likes to cook and clean and would be a great influence on the kids".

Another time, when he put forth this idea,(I guess he really thinks this is THE solution) he said he would sleep with me and there would ONLY be some hand-holding and kissing between them.
What???? He should be on that "Sister Wives" show on TLC. Guess he wanted to have a couple of ladies on hand. Sheesh!!!
"I've been wanting to get back into a relationship with God and have someone to share it with and this OM has helped me do that."

Originally Posted By: WhatNow


My H, not wanting to give up OW, But wanting to come home to me and the kids, suggested OW move into our home and live in the media room. "She likes to cook and clean and would be a great influence on the kids".

Another time, when he put forth this idea,(I guess he really thinks this is THE solution) he said he would sleep with me and there would ONLY be some hand-holding and kissing between them.



This is the silliest crap I've ever heard in my life.
Used our child as a tool. Made me go to court over and over just to get the standard visitation holidays. Made me waste $20,000 in court costs dealing with her childish behavior.
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