I guess you guys can help with this... - 05/22/09 10:04 AM
HI I am new here, I am definitely not new to devastation, as I am on my third year of separation. In my situation the ex had a massive MLC and ran off with his brothers daughter, his neice, young enough to be his own daughter (he was 40 she was 17 and bizarrely, his brother and her mother were fine with that.) Married 16 years bfore separating, 3 kids, and he now has no contact with any of us at all and tried hard to ensure we didnt even know where he was (we do know.)
My question to you all is, when do you quit thinking about it, in your minds? I mean, I think I am over the whole thing for the most part, I am no longer devastated, but I am still NOT OK! its frustrating bc I keep wondering, when does the healing actually OCCUR? it seems to take so long. I have yet to be able to say I am "happy". I still think about it every single day, and to be honest, a lot of the day (and night.) i am glad im over the whole "hate you so much hope you die a grisly death" stage, bc that was pretty horrible and made me into a crazy person... but I am still so sad, and unhappy.
MOSTLY, and I dont know if anyone can even RELATE TO THIS, I am absolutely terrified. I AM TERRIFIED he will try to contact me one day. What the heck do I say? of course I love him, very much, but unlike a lot of you fresh to this, I have put to bed the fact he isn't worth it - but the point is the heart wants what the heart wants. I AM TERRIFIED. I cannot let this man back into my life, but he was the LOVE of my life - and father to my kids. I was with him since 15, and my only love and lover. every day I have nightmares about it. he totally abandoned us but growingly more and more I keep dreading the day he might turn up. its haunting me bc its the ONLY THING I can honestly tell you - I dont know what id do.
I am so scared, bc in my sitch, I wanted the marriage to work and fix for sooo long and when nothing happened, I began to let it all go, but recentlly over and over i get this FEELING, we're not DONE yet and hes gonna COME BACK. do men deal with this? I am afraid. I dont even know if I would be overcome with anger, or glad. I cant tell you bc I DONT KNOW.
do i need help with this? thinking about him returning or even calling me makes me shake and cry bc I DONT KNOW what i would do or say or what i SHOULD do or say. i am very conflicted and why??? i havent even HEARD frm him in like nearly 2 years. but I JUST THINK... somethings on the horizon sooner or later, what would you recommend? would you even talk to someone? or wuold you not? im very confused and scared and conflicted about it. Im over the OW, shes nothing to me. I do not feel at all threatened by her, she broke up our marriage bc she could and is nothing to me now, i am not jealous only disgusted. (and in her parents and him.) Im very conflicted on if I should WANT him to be in my kids lives OR NOT want it. if he suddenly WANTED to be, would i say yes or no?
very confused and afraid.
My question to you all is, when do you quit thinking about it, in your minds? I mean, I think I am over the whole thing for the most part, I am no longer devastated, but I am still NOT OK! its frustrating bc I keep wondering, when does the healing actually OCCUR? it seems to take so long. I have yet to be able to say I am "happy". I still think about it every single day, and to be honest, a lot of the day (and night.) i am glad im over the whole "hate you so much hope you die a grisly death" stage, bc that was pretty horrible and made me into a crazy person... but I am still so sad, and unhappy.
MOSTLY, and I dont know if anyone can even RELATE TO THIS, I am absolutely terrified. I AM TERRIFIED he will try to contact me one day. What the heck do I say? of course I love him, very much, but unlike a lot of you fresh to this, I have put to bed the fact he isn't worth it - but the point is the heart wants what the heart wants. I AM TERRIFIED. I cannot let this man back into my life, but he was the LOVE of my life - and father to my kids. I was with him since 15, and my only love and lover. every day I have nightmares about it. he totally abandoned us but growingly more and more I keep dreading the day he might turn up. its haunting me bc its the ONLY THING I can honestly tell you - I dont know what id do.
I am so scared, bc in my sitch, I wanted the marriage to work and fix for sooo long and when nothing happened, I began to let it all go, but recentlly over and over i get this FEELING, we're not DONE yet and hes gonna COME BACK. do men deal with this? I am afraid. I dont even know if I would be overcome with anger, or glad. I cant tell you bc I DONT KNOW.
do i need help with this? thinking about him returning or even calling me makes me shake and cry bc I DONT KNOW what i would do or say or what i SHOULD do or say. i am very conflicted and why??? i havent even HEARD frm him in like nearly 2 years. but I JUST THINK... somethings on the horizon sooner or later, what would you recommend? would you even talk to someone? or wuold you not? im very confused and scared and conflicted about it. Im over the OW, shes nothing to me. I do not feel at all threatened by her, she broke up our marriage bc she could and is nothing to me now, i am not jealous only disgusted. (and in her parents and him.) Im very conflicted on if I should WANT him to be in my kids lives OR NOT want it. if he suddenly WANTED to be, would i say yes or no?
very confused and afraid.