This thread has certainly aged, fairly well I might add. The girls are off to spend a couple of hours with Daddy and then off to a skating party. They will be back tonight so I just have a few hours of silence.
Cleaning a bit, but will someone explain to me why it seems you make a bigger mess while you are cleaning?? lol Have to watch basketball at 3:00. Just realized that is when the skating party starts, hmmmm, seems as if ex will be missing some b-ball. Whatever!
Catch you during my next break!
kat
Alright (((kat))) Been a while since I have gotten a beverage. I will take a Rusty Nail please!
Take care.
Tell me what's in it and I will gladly make it! But since it is virtual, let's just assume that I know...bottoms up!
I really did make some progress, but it doesn't look like it. I have been asking myself why I haven't boxed up his stuff yet? The only good part of him left perhaps? But he doesn't belong here anymore, so I need some boxes.
kat
Why haven't you boxed his stuff up yet?
I'm trying to get rid of it all asap. I just found a photo album of his from birth-teenager and I have it in the front by the door so he'll hopefully get it today. I think you should box it all up, give your X a week to pick it up, and if not maybe your kids could have a garage sale or something. My kids would love that!!! (Well, getting the money part anyway).
Rusty Nal = 1.5 oz scotch and 1 oz Drambuie. Over ice or neat. Great for sipping.
I am leaning towards garage sell or Good will. I can't at the moment deal with the possibility of her wearing his T-shirts like I did. Don't do nightgowns, do his oversized Tees!
I suppose in a way like I said, holding on to the last "good' part of him but I really need to let it all go. I've got boxes now from all the stuff that has arrived at the house, so I will work on packing it all away.
D8 lost her glasses in the house! I don't know what I am going to do with her! lol She understood how upset I was but I don't know how to get through to her that she has to put them in the same place all the time whenever she takes the off. The kids were out of school for in-service yesterday and I told them how to look for them(very methodical) but they didn't do that, so we had to look for another hour when I got home.
The B is still on hold until I find out about the QDRO order and I am hoping it can just be done this month. It has been nearly 6 months of stress over this. I am about wiped out!!
kat
I just heard on the radio yesterday something like if you get rid of clutter you feel a lot less stress or something. I'm embarrassed to admit I was listening to the John Tesh show!!!
I'm planning on trying to get rid of tons of the clutter in my life, time for it to go...
I wish we could get your D8 and my D9 together. D9 still wants to move there so she can play with your girls! And maybe they could help each other figure out the glasses stuff! And be sure to let me know if you figure it out!!!
I think you've kind of been in a marathon and aren't you in the last mile or 2 maybe? So you can almost see the finish line up ahead hopefully??? Karen
They would love to have her right in between them but then again so is your son! Like s16 says, I can see me having to tell the two of you to settle down!! You are always welcome.
S13 was telling me how "dumb" their Dad is. He was making them spaghetti, he took just a bit of water, the dry spaghetti and dumped the sauce on top. I about gagged listening to him. I guess he just throws the meatballs in too! yuck. No wonder s13 got sick both times he ate it!! This is also the same guy that made chicken noodle soup(condensed) but didn't add any water. He was giving this to the kids when they were sick and he couldn't understand why they started throwing up!
I hope the bankruptcy can get filed next week. I am starting to get the extra calls again. The only bad thing is that I will have to spend my paycheck and all the child support before I can file. Never ending it seems.
kat
Ok not really relationship related but I got my new dishwasher!!! I was taking soo much time doing about two loads of dishes by hand a night. This is one thing that I am getting rid of that will help erase ex's ghost. I am a happy kat!
kat
Hey Katbaby, we must be living parallel lives! I just got a new dishwasher too!
Man, are we old and pathetic or WHAT, getting all excited about new appliances???
Oh well, I am excited about mine, as the old one was cheap, LOUD, and didn't clean the dishes well. Plus, the water wouldn't drain properly and it SMELLED!
What kind didja get??
Puppy
I got a Whirlpool Gold, Silent Partner III. It is black. So much of my kitchen really sucks but I will get it nice slowly but surely. Now my oldest kitchen appliance is 7 years old but it is a bit of a lemon. What kind is yours?
I get excited getting a new vacuum cleaner...I am a bit of a mess! LOL
kat
Congrats Kat!!! I can't believe you used to do them by hand!!!
Yeah, share details, I'm at the age too where I find appliances exciting!
Karen
My old dishwasher started dying a few months ago. The B lawyer said to replace things that are broken(I asked specifically about my dishwasher). It has not been fun. I don't mind once and a while but these kids and their friends go through my dishes pretty quick!
I got my new mower too but won't use it for a few weeks yet!!
kat
I got a Whirlpool Gold, Silent Partner III. It is black. So much of my kitchen really sucks but I will get it nice slowly but surely. Now my oldest kitchen appliance is 7 years old but it is a bit of a lemon. What kind is yours?
kat
I got a Bosch -- stainless steel. It'll match my fridge, and it has black trim which will match our stove and microwave. It's SOOOO quiet! It's running right now, and I can barely hear it. Since our kitchen overlooks our family room, I like that, so I can watch TV and not hear the dishwasher.
Okay. make me jealous!!
I like playing with the different features like soak and scour...fun!! The installation guy was showing me all the fun features and making sure that I knew how everything adjusted and works. New toy.
kat
OK, let's see: "installation guy" . . . "showing me all the fun" . . . "adjusted" . . . "new toy" . . .
Hmmm.......
Are you SURE we're still talking about your dishwasher, Kat??? hahahahah
Puppy
Only you my dear puppy could make talking about a dishwasher "dirty". LOL
Hey but my mind is following ya!
kat
And just think: I haven't even GOTTEN to the "Rinse and Hold" setting yet . . .
Are you sure your thoughts are still with the dishwasher..
kat
Is Puppy making your thread x-rated again? Bad puppy.
No more dishpan hands for you!!!! You should get a manicure to celebrate!
I think puppy is just x-rated everywhere today!!
I will celebrate once the B is filed. Right now I have some more things around the house to fix. Plumber is coming to fix some stuff on Saturday and no it is not an overtime call. Thank goodness.
Then I need to get some stuff done with my car. I would love to do more with the cabinets in the kitchen. Maybe I can do it in sections? Don't quite know how that would work but maybe worth checking into. I have always hated my kitchen. The cabinets look like thrown together plywood. The house is about 70 years old at least and could use some cheering up.
kat
(insert lube job joke HERE)
Just got home to an e-mail from ex asking for more time with the kids. He doesn't like what he did in the divorce decree, imagine that!! I have some anger towards his request because as of late he has insisted OW be with them almost on every occasion. The kids are upset and angry about it.
Stupid me tried to convey their feelings to him about it but I am sure he wrote that off as bitter ex wife. He doesn't believe that these feelings are their own.
I also am not happy about the request because he didn't uphold his part of the divorce decree by paying the bills he was supposed to. You may say well he filed B and because of that you have to file B so really it is all a wash isn't it? Well to me no.
I replied back to him saying that right now I don't like that the kids feel forced to go with him, they should want to go. But also that he won't listen to his own kids. He wants to build their relationships again but insists that she be there. He tells them to get over it, it is the past. I have tried to explain that everyone has different healing times and you can't make them heal any faster than they are.
I am angry right now and believe me with the stress of the B, I would probably yell at him if he were here. I really hope I can get that out of the way soon. UUUGGGHHHHHH
kat
I am going to a movie to try to decompress from this.
I have tried to explain that everyone has different healing times and you can't make them heal any faster than they are.
kat
Glad you're going to a movie. Which one? Yeah, cheeseless tunnel to try to talk to your H about the kids and OW. I know you've tried several times and you have to think they just don't want to get it. They don't like to face or hear reality.
I think you should try to just leave it all up to your kids and X to work it out. I mean, your kids are old enough to let him know how they feel. I would encourage them to be honest with you (which I know they already are) and H about their feelings so you don't feel like you have to. This could be a good thing for them in that way. Karen
I am going to see Taken. Here is what I said to his request:
am sorry that you are using an e-mail too rather than trying to actually talk to me. Believe me when I say that I have my kids best interests and happiness at heart. Sadly, I see the anger and pain they have after almost every visit with you.
You don't seem to care that you spend your time with them with someone else around that they are not comfortable with. You want to rebuild those relationships but constantly insist that this other person be there. My own thoughts here are that this isn't helping them want to be with you because even when they are with you, you aren't with them.
I am glad that you have feelings about the kids but right now I do not think that I can extend more time when they feel that they aren't spending time with just you. I know they don't like being forced to go and that makes me terribly sad that they don't want to go. Divorce is ugly all the way around. I think right now it would be better if you made the time you had with them quality time with just them rebuilding those relationships.
I don't expect you to understand anything that I have said, but I hope that you will try and take it to heart.
There are a lot more issues that probably will need to be discussed but I think this issue needs to be addressed first.
Okay, what now?
kat
That was perfect, Kat. See what he says.
The movie was good and intense. Not really sure that is what I needed right now. No word from ex.
I don't expect a miracle to hit here and have him finally understand that his choices have repercussions. I am not trying to be cruel. I am the lioness and these are my cubs and you don't screw around with them and not expect a smack of reality from the mamma.
I know he is planning on living with OW in the next 9 months or so. But he isn't seeing how that plays out with the kids. He just sees his life then being perfect. I know the kids would really "love" the idea of having to get up even earlier to get ready with 3 more people in the way, drive the 40 minutes or so just to get back here and go to school. I can "see" how much thought about the kids has gone on in his thought process. Sorry, this still hurts that he won't put them first.
kat
((((Kat))))
To me, this is an example of the biggest tragedy in these sitch's. WAS' just don't see how their actions affect all involved and expect you and the kids to be "ok" with them ripping the family apart.
Makes my blood boil.
Thinkin about ya Kat. You know you're right by your kids. Keep it up Nala.
((((Kat)))}
The selfishness of the WAS never ceases to boggle the mind.
And this forcing the children to accept another person(s) into their familial lives, especially when there is no M to tie it together, is one of the most heartless and insensitive things any parent can do.
I guess if nothing else this just shows that you are never truly done with the ex when kids are involved. Our lives will be intertwined until we pass. It would have been easier if I had left him after the first affair when there weren't kids involved. Hindsight what a torturous gift.
I am sure it is funny for him that he can't change the "game" when he feels like it. If he had really ever thought before he acted maybe none of this would have come to pass. Can't change that, just have to move forward from here.
It does feel good that I do at least have a say in protecting my kids from thoughtless people. After feeling like I had no say in the last two years of my life, finally, I do.
kat
That's right. At least one of you is thinking of the children.
One of my friends, that I talk about often on here...she was the egf to me....She is now divorced (twice), and was living with the OM. Every day is a saga all about herself, never worrying about her kids. The OM left them, but she just called saying she is going to pick him up from the airport. She wanted to know if I could watch her kids. I'm so sick of her having other people take care of her kids when she has them. I feel so bad for them. She has them every other week, and most of the time takes them to the gym so she can work out. She has all day off, but chooses to work out when they come home from school/daycare. It's just pathetic.
Sorry for the hijack. She just called me and I'm just so sick of this behavior from so-called parents.
Well, I just reread what I wrote and I realize that I am judging someone. I have no right to do that. The things I did were no better than what she is doing now, just different. I need to be better.
Wdid, I don't think you should be so critical of yourself. It's natural to see someone that sounds like they're maybe so self-absorbed that the kids aren't getting proper care or attention. Maybe you shouldn't help her out by watching them for her if it's not truly an emergency (like illness or something)? She may find someone else, but you don't have to help her with that kind of behavior.
If he had really ever thought before he acted maybe none of this would have come to pass. Can't change that, just have to move forward from here.
kat
Exactly. If our WAS were the kind that thought we would still be married!!!
Karen
Ok so this was a semi-productive day. I had my main water shutoff in the house replaced. It had dripped a whole pan full of water since Wednesday when my dishwasher was replaced. Only $357. They had to replace quite a bit of pipe too. I think that is alot but a whole lot less if that had burst and then I would have had another flood on my hands!
Next is the car.
kat
I have to tell you, kat, that the dynamic between you, XH, OW and the kids sounds exactly like the dynamic betwee my XW D15 and current W. You comments to him were exactly what XW said to me when I started dating W. It has given me a lot to think about. Mostly about how I could have handled things differently and whether that would have changed how D15 feels about W.
Maybe it sounds different coming from someone else. I really don't want the kids to lose their Dad even if he is trying to be the "good times" guy. He has enough problems. I don't want to get in the middle of these things. I so want him out of my life, I feel like a kid having a temper tantrum.
G I hope you are able to keep building those relationships back up. Your daughter is older now maybe time for a heart to heart and explain that you didn't "see" what this all may have done to her.
kat
I so want him out of my life, I feel like a kid having a temper tantrum.
kat
I can so relate to this kat! This is going to be over and our life is going to be sweet, don't you think? We can compare notes on our new, hot bf's.
Hi, G, I love to see you around!!!
Karen
You are such an optimist, just what I need when I am not so sure.
I am kind of leery about tonight. He wants the kids to spend the night, the two middle ones don't want to. I don't know how that will go over. I just don't want him to try to guilt them into it. Supposedly this past week end, she wasn't around when they were, so we shall see if he really listened or not.
I really need some peace and happiness to be thrown on me like a bucket of water. Anyone have some extra laying around?
kat
That's tough. On one hand I think they should see their dad and try to work things out, but on the other if OW is around all the time and they don't want to be around her, that's a good point too. I'm an optimist sometimes or try to be, but sometimes its hard when we get dragged down by others maybe. Hopefully with time that will happen less and less though. Karen
It is his night to have them but because it is Spring Break he wants them to spend the night. When he brought it up this weekend, I said it really isn't necessary. He said he knew that but it is what he wants. (No mention of what the kids want in there). I am just torn trying to do the right things by the kids and trying to encourage the kids to be with their Dad when he is not putting them first the way he should.
I was going to tell you...D8 was so cute last night when I left you a message and said this is kat, she piped up "But Mommy, I thought your name was..., why did you say you are kat?" I said honey that is just a nickname, I am still ... It was too cute.
kat
Hey, had a mini break through, while posting on another thread, I just said I believe in love. How huge is that? I may not find it right away but I am going to again. Love, may not be all I need, but definetly something I want!!
R2C, right back at ya. I can always use a hug.
kat
Ex is nagging me about parenting time yet again. I don't think he understood much of what I wrote just last week. He spent a part of his e-mail explaining why it was fine to have OW around them, so they can all get to know each other.
I sent an e-mail to my L to see if I HAVE to give him more time. I really can't afford to go back to court especially with the B looming. I just think if he actually was just with them and not on the phone with her when he is supposed to be with the kids or having her come over or conveniently meet accidentally on purpose, I could see the kids happily spending time. It is the "have to" issue that burns me up.
kat
He spent a part of his e-mail explaining why it was fine to have OW around them, so they can all get to know each other.
Good on the email to your L. I don't see why when you both did your divorce and they decided the parenting time already, you should change it now. Wouldn't your X have to bring that to court for changes to be made since he's the one that wants changes? And if your kids are against it as well I don't get that. Karen
I haven't heard from either L yet. But hopefully will by the end of the day. S13 was talking to me while I was loading the dishwasher after they got back from Daddy's. He said Dad was acting all nice and everything so they new skank was on her way over.
Well she shows up and he wants them to all sit together on the couch and watch this movie. Like one great big happy family!! BARF. He will never get it. S13 saw right through all of his manuevering and said "like that will ever happen".
D8 said something so sad the other day. The AT&T commercial came on where the Dad goes on a business trip and she gives him her stuffed monkey. Shows all these pics and then the Dad comes home and she is soo happy. D8 said, "This commercial is so sad." I asked her why and she said "that little girl's daddy comes home and mine doesn't." Just about broke my heart. Quickly gave her a hug and got her distracted. Of course she would never say that to her Daddy.
kat
Hi Kat...I decided to come over to your thread for a response.
I'm just about crying to read what is going on here. But sadly, I've seen this type of thing before.
In my own case, maybe because I am a mommy or maybe because I am a child of divorce, I just never ever put my own selfish stuff before my kids'. I always made sure their needs came first, and their needs included my TIME alone with them, my attention, my adoration on THEM, etc.
Sadly, when I was married, I also put their need ahead of my ex-h's needs, that was one of my biggest marital mistakes. But my point is that even though I used to be a cheater, it didn't make me also become a bad parent. I don't think the two things go hand in hand in all cases, but maybe I am more of an exception. Maybe most cheaters have other flaws that will cause them to not be great parents.
My ex-h has lots of siblings, and a couple of them began affairs, left their wives, and then married their affair partner. My ex-h's parents were never divorced, so when his brothers left their wives, they had no experience with divorce. BOTH of the brothers said many things like "oh the kids will be just fine, what's the difference to them as long as I am happy?" And when confronted with the fact that the rest of the family was not going to be happy that they ditched our beautiful sister-in-laws to hook up with these skanks, their response was "but its MY family, they will stand by ME".
They were both wrong. The entire family hated their new skanks (and yes, that is actually what they called these new wives, LOL!) The family stood behind the ex-sister-in-laws. Their kids were not "just fine". All of the kids are grown now and having lots of issues. They did grow up fine in some ways, their mothers made sure of that. But they basically lost their fathers to a skank. There is no way that this cannot be traumatic to a child, boy or girl, no matter what age! Even a divorce where there is not a new partner involved is hard enough...but to throw this on the pile is just devastating to a child. I don't envy your position, because you will be the one who gets to deal with the kids' issues as they move through life and never really get over what their father did to them....
So my ex-h came from this dysfunctional, non-divorced family which LOOKED like the perfect Brady Bunch picture. But it wasn't. And his brothers actions really proved that to me. My own ex-h, well he was no saint either. He was behind in his child support when I met him, and I should have known what this would mean to me as his wife...yet I was only 19 at the time I met him and bought his lame excuses for being late on the support. What a champ. In hindsight, that was all I ever needed to know about him.
I know I was the one who cheated, but seriously, there are many things that he did to me and to our children that I don't drum on about very much in public forums. This is because I still have respect for him as our children's parent and I still hope for the best for him. But honestly, no one in my family nor any of my friends ever felt he was a good father or even a good person. I know that's no reason to cheat, but I'm just saying that it wasn't like he didn't contribute to our problems in a much bigger way than I normally disclose.
I wanted to say too that I have been where you are with the bankruptcy, and it was horrid. I was married at the time and my ex-h didn't do anything to help me with it, just stood back and watched me deal with it all and pretended it didn't affect him. Thanks, ex-h, for letting me do all the hard work, once again. But hang in there Kat, it DOES actually get better once the thing is filed and done.
So in closing, all I can say is that - thanks to your ex-h and his new skank - you have a future full of kids having issues on your hands. I will pray for all of you. Eventually it will be better than now, but there will always be things in your kids' minds and hearts that can't be erased.
If one day you meet a new man that you feel is worthy of marriage, I will pray that he can be a father figure in a healthy way to them! That has been one big blessing from my finally leaving my ex-h....I met the man of my dreams who ALSO ended up finishing raising my son with me. His own father abandoned him, apparently to punish me?, but his new step-father is more of a man than his father ever was, and my son actually DOES say this out loud to me now....one day your kids will tell you straight to your face that they now understand what you went through, what their father did to them and to you, and they will appreciate you directly for how you've handled it all.
cheers,
DQ
D8 said something so sad the other day. The AT&T commercial came on where the Dad goes on a business trip and she gives him her stuffed monkey. Shows all these pics and then the Dad comes home and she is soo happy. D8 said, "This commercial is so sad." I asked her why and she said "that little girl's daddy comes home and mine doesn't." Just about broke my heart.
Great. That's the SECOND time this week one of you people made me cry.
Puppy
Ok, now you have me about ready to cry. I think the only way I have made it this far is by breaking it down though I am a big picture sort of person. I also who have great parents who have been supportive but I have tried not to lean too much on them. I have kept alot of it close to the vest. I didn't even tell them that he moved out or was having an A until he filed a year ago December.
I didn't want them to think the worst of him in case it did all work out for the family. Instead they were shocked that the kids kept it in so well. My parents haven't spoken badly about him except once when my Dad was so upset about the B and ex still owing me back alimony.
But I do feel better about day to day stuff. I don't talk to ex anymore than I absolutely have to. The kids talk with me alot. S16 said all of his friends adored me and thought I was doing a good job. I know they aren't parents but they can see me trying. It meant a lot to hear that.
Thanks for everything you said. All of our married life I never tried to speak badly about him and it is hard, even now, to take down all the protective barriers. But really he doesn't deserve them, they will be coming down.
kat
Now you know what it is like for me.
But they do keep talking and I have to keep those lines open no matter how much it hurts. They are getting it out. I would give anything for them not to be going through this, honestly I would but it wasn't up to me.
How I deal with it all now is. Ex was an only child and never even tried to understand sibling rivalry. He was a better parent than his Dad but that isn't saying much. He did work his tail off for us but once he knew he would have to pay me more with his second job, away that went. When faced with B, he easily could have picked up a second job to make up the difference or we could have worked it out somehow, but he chose B.
And now with the kids, he thinks he can ask for something and I will just give it because I am basically a good and kind person. Well, if he was actually trying to work on his relationship with just the kids, fine but he is working on forcing a family. He really is a heartless POS after all.
kat
I know that this is not related to this board but I just have to say how sad it is when someone with so much promise dies. It always gets me. Life is so fragile, it could be gone in an instant no matter how careful we are. Just a reminder to get our ducks in a row.
Be careful everyone, love ya.
kat
I just have to say how sad it is when someone with so much promise dies. It always gets me. Life is so fragile.
kat
Hey Kat,
The quote lady sent this today and I thought I would post it to you in response to your thoughts. We all have a lot that brings us down but we all have more to be happy about too
Every morning when you awake you have been given the gift of a sunrise and twenty-four hours to live.
This is a precious gift.
You have the wonderful opportunity to take this day and live joyously, with appreciation for everything that you encounter.
Take a deep breath and be grateful for this exhilarating experience of breathing in life and love.
Similarly, end your day with an expression of love and a repetition of the word for peace, Shalom.SW
If only more people took that to heart QuietTime...
Well, if he was actually trying to work on his relationship with just the kids, fine but he is working on forcing a family. He really is a heartless POS after all.
kat
He is trying desparately to make this all "ok" for himself. If he can give the illusion of a "happy family" then he will be able to justify his actions to himself. I love that your DS said, "That'll never happen." Its a much needed does of reality.
You are a good and kind hearted person, but your are nobodys fool either. If the more parenting time works for you and it actually means more "parenting" on his part, ok so be it. If it is to simply further his "justification" agenda then I'd say forget it.
I also liked the thing about quiet time. ((((hugs)))))
I spent time with my 104 year old grandma today. She knows a full life. She knows what's important, and she made me see it today as well. Her eyes told it all. Talking to family, connecting to family, having a relationship with God, and having your basic needs met(food, shelter, etc.). That's all she needs. I've never been hugged so tightly or felt so bad leaving before. Get your ducks in a row is right...priorities....God, family, basics of life.
I am the crazy kid that loves movies and truly feels terrible when an actor/actress that I am fond of dies. Even Bob Hope and George Burns who were older. Natasha Richardson was just like 14 months older than me and that just breaks my heart. Ex never got it. You don't know these people, what do they mean to you.
I would try to explain but like I said he didn't understand. I don't expect all of you to either. Really though, a mom with 2 teens and a lovely marriage. Just heartbreaking. Okay, I am a sap we can leave it at that.
kat
I've been sad too about that. I think she was someone lots could identify with, except for the famous part and the money part and the being married to Liam Neeson part. Never mind! Karen
Well some people I know didn't know who she was!! Since I had just taken S16 to "Taken" last Friday he could kind of get it. Money, Fame and happiness don't save you from tragedy though, so yes someone we can all relate to!
Thanks, Karen
kat
I actually took heed from my horoscope that said to do things with your family besides chores. I took the kids to Red Robin for lunch and then to "Bedtime Stories". It was a cute movie and they had fun. Now we will watch basketball and "Twilight" tonight. I am not really thinking the movie will be any better than when I saw it November but at least there won't be a bunch of screaming girls!
The day turned out to be nice even though we were supposed to have storms. I let the girls sleep with me last night and I didn't sleep well. They toss and turn a lot!! Everyone wants my bed but it is mine! lol
Hope you are all having a wonderful day.
kat
That sounds like a good idea. We always seem to be doing chores or hsing or errands or something. Something to work on for sure. Which do you think is better: reading Twilight or watching it as a movie?
Karen
Reading it for sure! I was already to mail it to you and then you started talking about moving in a week or so and I didn't want it to miss you. Have you been able to talk to the mortgage company and let them know your stbx isn't helping the situation? But that it will be addressed in mediation and you really want to try to keep it? Maybe they will extend the process. There are so many houses in foreclosure, the bank probably doesn't want to mess with it if they can help it.
I am praying for you and know that you are going to be so much better off with him out of your hair.
hugs. kat
I know I will be just like you will be too once your B is over! We have a hearing Monday and my L said she's going to bring up the mortgage situation then so hopefully it's not too late to fix the sitch if possible. If not, then I'm going to have to find a rental asap, but at least hopefully I'll get a little resolution. Karen
Hey,
how are you? Sent you a message on FB... Hope I am wrong.
K
Is something wrong? FB chat is down. Karen
You people are so sweet. I was trying to ask g about the ending of Battlestar Galactica on Friday. I was so vague even he didn't get it!! Nothing bad has happened here. Just the same old mess! So no, nothing awful has happened.
hugs, kat
Pheew!!! False alarm! Thank GOD!
(Sorry Karen if I scared you)
K
I forgive you Kalni. And I would really want to know if anything really was wrong! Glad it was a false alarm. How's your day so far Kat? I've been cleaning and resting up for tomorrow... Karen
Basketball!! KU got to the Sweet 16 but we have to play Michigan State who kicked our rear back in January. However, we have grown alot since then so maybe, just maybe we can pull it off!! Enjoy it now, worry about that in a day or so.
kat
Seems like I am nothing but trouble. What else is new?
Yep, you know yourself well!! LOL I am only joking. Just limbo with the B. It seems as if I am destined to be in limbo one way another for a bit longer. Haven't I gone through enough yet? I am getting so worn out and down in the dumps over this stuff. Please let egghead out of my life!!(that is what he is reminding me of now a days. I have even thought of getting a carton of eggs, drawing is bits of hair and facial features and then crack the beejeebees out of them!!) Oh also he hasn't paid alimony this week, would normally be a big deal but then it would be more money I would have to spend before the B is filed. I guess I will just let it keep adding up so the court will go after his azz!
The computers were down at work today so I got to babysit the office in case any one called. Not much fun. Hope everyone else had a good day.
kat
Just limbo with the B. It seems as if I am destined to be in limbo one way another for a bit longer. Haven't I gone through enough yet? I am getting so worn out and down in the dumps over this stuff. Please let egghead out of my life
Sounds like you had an exciting day!!! How did we ever do without computers??? Ok, you are having the same feelings as me, but mine over the D. I asked the L today (she was with a client, so her secretary) that I want to file for mediation asap. Karen
Kat, how've you been doing? I'm tired!!!
How bout you? How's everything going on the B front? Karen
I spoke with the B Lawyer yesterday and he thinks we will be okay without the QDRO signed by a judge. But we would be better off if it was. I haven't heard from my other L yet. I would have filed today except that I still have too much money in one account and I get paid tomorrow & Child support on Monday so I will have to wait until April now. Almost a full 2 month delay!!
The kids seemed to be breaking dishes left and right last night. I got upset and felt bad about it but they have to be more careful. Almost every dish that ex and I bought right before we got married is broken. Well that is nearly 20 years and with 4 kids I guess that isn't soo bad. Here's to having a better day.
kat
Hope you're having a better day today!! I had a bad one yesterday and realized I need to start getting more rest and food! I was so cranky I couldn't stand myself yesterday!!!
Well, at least the good thing re: the broken dishes is you need to spend all your money so maybe you can get lots of really nice replacement dishes????
Karen
Yeah, an excuse to buy more flatware!!
Replacement dishes that are nice while they are still this age...umm, I don't think so. Have a killer headache and hitting my fluffy,comfy bed soon.
I am trying to get S16 interested in taking driver's ed. I would feel so much better having someone who teaches do that than ex. S16 says he hasn't really taught him anything but it does make them spend one on one time together.
Who knows what I will do. Monday will be 8 months that the D has been final. I still have to deal with his messes but I do hope after the B I can let go of some of this pent up anger that he forced me into this. I can't believe he has become such a selfish jerk...or was he always and I was so busy defending him that i never saw it?
kat
I can't believe he has become such a selfish jerk...or was he always and I was so busy defending him that i never saw it?
Probably just couldn't, or didn't want to, see it. But he could've gotten progressively worse over time.
That's my excuse for me and my sitch. I'm just trying to be vigilant in my current phase that she's not doing this for an ulterior motive.
Have a good night
Feeling a bit better this morning. Ex has sent a 3rd e-mail asking for more time. I didn't respind to the second because I was waiting to hear from the L if I needed to do this. Now, I have him nipping at my heals again. UGHHH
This is the weekend with just S16 and I. Really ready for the break. We have kind of agreed that it is do our own thing time and we don't step on each others toes much...if at all. Don't get me wrong, I adore all of my kids, just a sanity break.
I have the new sofa coming next weekend and I have a lot of cleaning to do to move the old one to the "office" area, since that is where we have been storing everything from the flood from nearly 2 years ago. Can you tell my life has been in a holding pattern since this whole mess started?
I feel like change. So time to make it happen.
kat
Oh and forgot to tell you that we are expecting 8-12" of snow!!
Glad you're getting the break! I never had breaks before this and I've found they are WONDERFUL!!! I love my kids, too, but H wouldn't ever take them even for a few hours for 13 years so...I think the same stuff about my H. How the heck did I put up with him for so long. I do think he's always been a little selfish, always had lots of GAL time for himself, and put himself first before the kids and me. But I also think since OW and this MLC or whatever the last 2 years, he's gotten 100 times worse. I mean he tried to be a good, moral person before and that doesn't seem to happen much now, and he's gotten 10 times meaner and angry I think. I just pray for him every night.
I hope for their sakes and our kids that they will kind of shape up a little!!! Karen
Just dropping by to way hi, sweety.
Change is good. Whether the bankruptcy has started or finished or whatever, start the new chapter of life. No need to wait for anything to be finished.
Dishwashers?? You guys are silly.
WOw, I can't believe it is 8 months already. I think change will be good. A new sofa will really change the look and it is a good way to start a new season. Yeah, we are suppose to get 3-5 inches and you guys are going to get the most of it. Blah! I was ready for spring....not more winter!!
Hope you did not get to snowed in today. Have to work this weekend, so much fun in this weather. You up to anything next weekend? Going to be down your way for drill. I will check up on you tomorrow. I look on the alternative universe sometimes, but have not caught up with you online.
I agree that some change will do you good. Take care and talk with you later.
Hey how are you? I just had ice on the car but S16 and I went to a movie and then late lunch. Went to see "Watchmen". It was pretty good but a little too bloody for my tastes. S16 is experiencing his first crush and she works at the theater. It is certainly interesting to watch.
I have bookclub next weekend and my parents are taking the boys to spend the night on Saturday. If you don't mind me having the girls, I could meet up with you Saturday. Let me know.
kat
That sounds like fun!!! Hi to you Yenko, haven't "seen" you in a while!
Hope you're doing well! How's your weekend been?? Karen
The girls will be fine. I'll get ahold of you somewhere later this week to find a place to meet up.
Hello Karen. I've been doing pretty good. I hope everything with you is going good. My weekend has not been to bad. I am just tired of driving around in the snow and sleet. Today was a whole lot better. I hope your weekend was good and you had time to enjoy yourself.
OK, Looking forward to it.
I seem to still be in my funk. Kept focusing on ex for some reason. I do so much better when I don't. I keep having the little voice in my head that says what if he is right about me? What if no one else wants me? Am I so awful? I know better but when one is in a funk, the little voice likes to come out and I feel even worse.
Something about the planets I think. I guess they will all line up nicely eventually.
kat
I do think something is in the air lately.....
Kat, I realize we have never met but I think you are one of the sweetest, nicest, and most beautiful ladies. There is no doubt in my mind that you will find love, and love will find you. GOd makes no mistakes. He made you perfect.
I know you are in a funk. You know I have been in one, too. It helps to share with our DB family, doesn't it? Just to get it out. Hang in there, and keep working out of the funk. Your kids will help ya with that. Maybe yenko will too.
Big hugs to you.
I keep having the little voice in my head that says what if he is right about me? What if no one else wants me? Am I so awful?
kat
Kat, I asked my C the same thing this week!!! When H said no none will ever want me what if he's right? Someone that close to you (well how they used to be) says stuff and it's hard to just blow it off. One thing I think though is if our H's found women to love them (us and OWs) we shouldn't have problems finding someone either. Plus, what kind of person says stuff like that to someone??? I would never even think of saying something like that to a person; we will find more loving Rs in the future I'm sure!!!
I keep having the little voice in my head that says what if he is right about me? What if no one else wants me?
Kat hes not right. He had the best thing that ever happened to him and because he is a f*cktard, he het her go. You are one of the most kind, sweet, loving, giving people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and that DAM you were married to took it for granted. Consider the source and you'll know hes just running his mouth. I understand totally about being in a funk, I've been there for a while too. It'll get better. You are way too awesome to give his BS another thought.
((((hugs)))) Trust me on this one.
I keep having the little voice in my head that says what if he is right about me? What if no one else wants me? Am I so awful?
kat
Kat, I asked my C the same thing this week!!! When H said no none will ever want me what if he's right? Someone that close to you (well how they used to be) says stuff and it's hard to just blow it off. One thing I think though is if our H's found women to love them (us and OWs) we shouldn't have problems finding someone either. Plus, what kind of person says stuff like that to someone??? I would never even think of saying something like that to a person; we will find more loving Rs in the future I'm sure!!!
You'll both be very -- ahem! -- marketable.
Seriously.
I haven't met either one of you, but just from the way you each write and your values that you express on here, I find it very attractive.
And others will too. Promise.
Puppy
Thanks you guys. Just nice to know that at least my "virtual" friends think better of me.
I am doing the paycheck burn-up again and it really has gotten old. At least the mortgage comes out of this one so that helps quite a bit. I do have a ton of things to improve and will cost more than I have but slowly, I will get there.
I wrote on someone else's thread that I started writing in my journal the positives that I want(yes, even snuck in flirt guy). Even though a couple of those things I wanted to clear up aren't happening the way I had hoped, they are happening. I am not sure if that is a be careful what you wish for type of thing or not. One things was to get out of debt(the B is dealing with that, save for the house) and get the house fixed up better(which is also happening due to the B, I have to spend funds and using them to fix some things like broken dishwashers, leaky pipes etc).
So there are a few positives out a huge negative. Thanks you guys for your kind appraisals, I certainly needed that boost right now.
hugs, kat
You'll both be very -- ahem! -- marketable.
That was cute, Pup.
You know Puppy doesn't lie, so if he says it, then you know it must be true.
You and Karen both rock.
I had to call ex about d8's glasses. We couldn't find then this morning so thought she may have left them there. I wanted him to also understand where d8 is coming from as far as "Daddy". I told him what she said about the AT&T commercial and how it broke my heart. I told him that I explained to her that Daddy doesn't live here now and won't in the future.
She said she just felt as if he was missing from the "family". I said yes, that is something he decided to do. So now it is us and we are going to be fine. It is ok to love Daddy and to miss him, he just doesn't belong here anymore.
I could tell ex was taking it in, but I was getting all teary eyed talking about d8 that I said I had to go.
Maybe I didn't say what I should have or said too much but only an insensitive idiot like my ex wouldn't understand the pain they are in. He still harps about S16's choice not to participate in "his nights and weekends".
kat
He needed to hear that. That was good, Kat. (((kat)))
Yes, you did good, but I'm thinking he'll try to just dismiss it or deny it or something. I told H about how S15 was feeling a while back, and H just says he was conning me. Anything to avoid the guilt!!!! But don't you think somewhere way way deep deep down maybe they feel a little twinge of guilt sometimes maybe? Karen
I would like to think so but this is the same guy that is announcing on face book that he is in a relationship with skank! I don't think he knows how to feel guilt anymore.
I so thought I was past this. Maybe it is the pain I feel for my kids. Like what the heck did I do that made me so awful to be with that he would just up and leave me and these 4 great kids? I just don't know.
kat
When my W announced on FB that she was in a R with her OM; her sister called me almost immediately. See I had changed my R status to complicated almost at the same time. Her sister was disgusted and spent the next day sending me case law on how to avoid spousal support in KY.
I guess my W forgot that her sister was friends with both of us. My W has never asked me to be her friend; but I can still see it. She won't let her dad or her mother be friends with her either.
I was just telling Karen, it has that High School feel to it. I mean like anyone really cares. I think a few of his friends realize what he has been doing. He has been trying to play it off like he didn't cheat on me.
Right after the divorce he said he was in a relationship and then a month or so later he changed it to single. I have no idea when he changed it to this. He responded to one of our kids comments and I couldn't make out the other guy in the picture so I clicked on it. It was him and the best man at our wedding who just got remarried.
kat
I had a rough night last night. It looks as if s16 will get the job at the movie theater, yeah!! the rough part was that I had to find his social security card. Life has been on hold for this whole mess and things didn't always get put where they should have. Anyway, while looking through ex's old desk(that he left behind) I find pictures of the kids from birthdays, vacations and day to day photos.
I keep going and find the card but by now my resolve is starting to crack and I bawl for at least 45 minutes. My poor kids. What could I have done that was so terrible for him to leave them and force them through this mess???
My kids try to calm me down and I "talk" to a few of my friends here but still feel so let down. I thought I was past this stuff. I didn't think I would cry "over him" or what he has done anymore. I mean it has been 8 months.
kat
And this is why you knew not to get into another relationship right away. You are not going to bandaid what you are going through with another relationship. You are so smart. This is so hard and painful, but something you need to get through...on your own. I think after about 8-12 months of something traumatic, it hits you harder. Up until that point you deal with getting through the day, taking care of the kids, paperwork.....now you have to deal with the emotions and the fallout of what your H chose. Just know that this is not what YOU chose. He left a marriage on feelings of "beginning love/lust", he left someone he loved and his family because of "new feelings". He will eventually realize this even if he never tells you. You both are paying for the consequence of his choice and that is where it is not fair. You will get through this, and it will get better. Lean on people when you need to. ((((Kat)))) I wish I was close to be there for you.
Oh I do too. Thank you so much for your support and kind words. I know that there have been times when I thought of going to see someone and would say abc can't help me fix this, only I can. So I think you are right that I am on my own as far as getting through it. However nowhere does it say that I can't ask for help along the way.
Oh and some good news...S16 got his first job. He may only work 2 or 3 shifts a week but free movie passes! Yippee.
kat
Yeah, did you read dancequeen's recent post about affairs? Thought that was good. One thing I don't mind about the D taking so long is I can't even imagine dating right now!!!
Congrats to your S on the job!!! I think it will be the perfect first job and can't beat free movies!!! I'm so jealous!!! Karen
Yeah, I got the QDRO order today. It has been signed and filed!! What that means is that those funds are protected from the B. What a relief!!
At lunch I ran out and got some book on fixing things and a book for basements so that I can start working on making that an actual usable space. We use the larger room sometimes but the carpet got ruined with the flooding of the basement a couple of years ago.
I thanked flirt guy for "listening' to me the other night and he responded to that. I know that our "time" isn't now because I need to heal some more, but maybe in a block or so, I can turn the corner.
kat
AARRGG, Ex just called asking me if I got an e-mail from him. I hadn't that I noticed but refreshed it and there it was. He said he took the kids aside one by one last night and asked if they wanted more time with him. He asked me not to discuss it but took it upon himself to do it.
D8 misses Daddy, D10 is indifferent and S13 is a definetly not. So he gets in this discussion with me. I want this, I want that. I said not once did the kids say they wanted to spend the night tonight to me. I was mad that he went ahead and brought this stuff up. Then he said you always criticize my parenting, what about you? You spend a lot of time on the computer, what about that? What about you being emotional in front of the kids?
I told him for someone that said he didn't want to fight, you sure sound like you do. I said you killed a part of me when you left and I am trying to get back to me. He said well I am too. Really, how did part of you die?
I asked him not to call or e-mail me. I just don't need it. I did tell him that I was upset about the B that I was going in to resign papers for. He said his was really easy piece, of cake. Well goody for you. I told him I was stressed and don't need to think about what he is asking me right now because this isn't about him anymore.
kat
He's such a Fu**er, to put it as eloquent as I can.
I see that!! Part of me is still saying if I were nice I would let him have this extra time but geez...HE did this. These are his choices and he feels he made a mistake and wants to change stuff, just so HE can be happy.
I did tell him you didn't care what anyone else thought or wanted when you did this but you want me to think about YOU now??? This is about the kids and what they want. If D8 wants to spend the night I guess I will let her but this will no way be a regular event and never a forced issue. Once and a while ok. I haven't told him that. I want to talk with d8 first.
Then the snake that he is says there is no need to get the Lawyers/court involved as long as we both agree and no one tattles. WTH??
No wonder today is just a little crazy!!
kat
Well, your kids come first. Only YOU know what is best. You have something already set with the kids' schedule. Do you believe that is the best for them right now? You have the court behind you in keeping them in this schedule so if that is the best for them, then stick to it. If not, then you get to make that call.
I talked to D8 about it and she said she didn't know. I guess Daddy had told her I said it was okay. WTF!! I had emailed him back and said that I appreciated him trying to listen to the kids and that I am not perfect as a parent but I am trying. I said right now I was at work and getting ready to see the B lawyer and I didn't need to be thinking about this at work but I would talk to D8 when I got home.
I don't know where he gets this stuff from. When I got home she said she didn't know if she wanted to go but he hopped in and said that she could spend the night tomorrow. I quickly added that this was not anything that was going to happen on a regular basis.
I see already that he is going to try and push this and if he tries to go around me again the answer will be NO.
kat
I guess discuss with your kids and see what D8 really wants? Kids come first. But I also think if you don't stick to the schedule already set up, I mean at least roughly, I do switch Frid. and Sat. nights with H when he or I have stuff, but he just gets the 2 nights a week, and prob. stick to that.
I think consistency is good for kids, and it seems like this could be a long-term ongoing problem if you are too loose with the schedule. I have to say I don't have that problem, so I know that's tough. (((((kat)))))) Oh, yeah, and I also don't like the kind of sneaky, underhanded way your H handled that!!!
Oh I forgot to say after I talked to B lawyer and my telling him how stressed I am, that Friday is the day. Have to spend as much of the money I have left in my checking account. The grocery store is going to LOVE me!
kat
Oh I forgot to say after I talked to B lawyer and my telling him how stressed I am, that Friday is the day. Have to spend as much of the money I have left in my checking account. The grocery store is going to LOVE me!
kat
Groceries are good-you could spend a lot just on milk nowadays. But how about lingerie or something fun for you also??? Karen
Since a lot of my clothes are older than my kids I did buy some new clothes. Since I haven't had "fun" in that area for over a year that isn't quite at the top of my list. Besides I want to lose some weight so I can fit better into the ones I have.
Just another thing on my positive goals list. I have to do some plumbing stuff this weekend so I might try to get the cartridge I need tomorrow. I have really come to hate shopping.
kat
F***er...and on a thread called All Grown Up no less!
It is quite possible no one is going to get a straight answer out of kids that are feeling conflicting emotions...Both of you need to be careful to not make your kids feel guilty about loving either of you.
Yeah, it kinda just came out...If I hadn't talked to Kat for over a year I wouldn't have said it...but I thought it, so I typed it.
View's right about the kiddos, but I know you know that.
Hey didi, you know I am a big girl and can handle it. Don't worry I am not going to cave especially when I saw how he just manipulated the situation to what he wanted. The word you said is sooo appropriate but I never thought that about him. About time.
Our "deal" is that he thinks that touchy subjects should be a piece of cake to handle when he never bothered to resolve anything. Annoyingly perhaps I am a "need to know" type of person and I have really struggled with this situation. I may never know and I have to be ok with that.
The kids have been moving through this. I have tried to be supportive without being intrusive. I have probably let them get away with a bit more than normal in some cases but I have also seen them reign themselves back in. We are all trying to find our way...by ourselves and as a rearranged family. The problem is the balancing act of ex intruding and yet trying to parent without being open and honest about his motives.
kat
Kat,
Just catching up with you. I sent you a message and I will check back tonight or tomorrow. Sorry things are in a downslope for you. Try and keep a positive attitude. Take care and talk with you soon.
Well, one thing I think is as your kids get older it's going to get easier every year. The kids can make their own choices when they're old enough.
I think if you're feeling upset & angry with your H, he's prob. doing stuff that you know in your heart is wrong, manipulative or whatever. B/c he knows you love the kids he thinks he can get away with it. I don't think you should though!!! Karen
Now don't be silly. Ex thinks with S16 being 16 1/2 he isn't old enough to decide for himself in this situation. He constantly is saying how he doesn't spend "his' time with the rest of the kids. It bothers him like a splinter you just can't reach.
D8 stepped on her glsses and bent the frames pretty badly. Ex will have to deal with it since I am kind of broke with it being "B" day. I am a little ansty but otherwise ok. Cross your fingers for me.
S16 starts his job tomorrow and I should also be getting my new coach!! Yeah me. Sorry I am trying to boost my morale here!
kat
D8 stepped on her glsses and bent the frames pretty badly. Ex will have to deal with it since I am kind of broke with it being "B" day. I am a little ansty but otherwise ok. Cross your fingers for me.
S16 starts his job tomorrow and I should also be getting my new coach!! Yeah me. Sorry I am trying to boost my morale here!
kat
What new coach? Am I forgetting something? Wish S16 good luck on his job!!! It should be fun, all high school students working there I bet.
D9 has eyeglasses from a place that will replace them free if they get damaged, just not lost. Maybe yours does that too? (We have hourglass here which are great). Of course, we're always losing them not breaking them!!!
Karen
I can't spell worth a darn today, trying really hard to stay focused. I am getting a new couch. My other one is like 18 years old or so. We got it right after we moved back here. My B Lawyer said I could use some of my refund for that. Getting a piece of his memory out of my constant sight!!
I had told ex to ask about the possibility of extra coverage for her glasses but I highly doubt that he did it. He doesn't think about stuff like that ever and probably wouldn't do it because I suggested it!
Oh and I also spent like $300 on groceries to stock up since I don't get paid again until next week. then I can save agan. Yippee!!
kat
I am soooo sore. This morning the couch and mattress arrived. I never got a call as to what time they were coming but you know, I would rather have it early then have to wait around all day. The girls helped to take the old bed downstairs and the old/new bed for them upstairs. S13 was my hero, a huge help and didn't complain once. The couch is why we are sore. I have no idea how we got it here when we moved from our apartment!
We took it from the living room, outside to a side door that has three huge steps up(took us over an hour to try to get it up the steps then two ladies that were cleaning next door asked if we needed help. Thank you God. It took maybe two minutes to finish the job where it had taken us forever. Then we slid it down the basement stairs. There were a few scary moments where it slipped. This thins just weighs soo much. Even the gals there were helping commented on how heavy it was. But the job is done it is in the basement living area. I said I don't ever want to move that thing again. S13 said we won't we will just leave it for the next people! lol
The new couch is really pretty. Brown with two big decorative pillows on it. I think I a may have to take a nap on it since I haven't heard from Yenko yet.
kat
Cool! A new couch sounds even better than a new coach!!!
How's your weekend? I've gotta get up early tomorrow and pick up D9 at our meeting halfway point so she can sing at our church. At least she got to spend half a day with her dad!!! Karen
I took S16 to work after we got the girls set up. They worked on cleaning their room for a bit while I was gone. After we were done moving the new couch into it's new home, S16 called to say he was done early. He seemed to really like the job. I am happy for him.
I took him to a party last night for the girl he likes. She has a boyfriend but has been telling my son she is confused about him (cake eater). So last night at the party one of her friends told him that this girl only liked as a friend, she didn't want more. His heart was broken as he was telling me this. The hard thing is that her name is the same as skank's.
I am not sure that he has given up on her. So there he takes after me. Our hearts have to be stomped to a pulp before we give up on the people we love. My heart is starting to feel better and I hope his will too.
Tomorrow is book club and more cleaning if I can stand it! lol
kat
Talk about a much needed ego boost!! Those of you that have been around since October and read my thread may remember the cute guy at McDonalds flirting with me. Well he was there again today...and still flirting with me! He even made the effort while helping someone else to tell me good bye. So sweet.
In October, that was the weeekend I wanted to see flirt guy but didn't. Of course you guys know I still want to go there now. What to do, what to do.
kat
Not surprised you got some attention.
You will know when you are ready, Kat.
Hey, Kat!!! You already know what I think!!! How old is the McDonalds guy????
Karen
Remind me! lol I think he is in his 20's. Just flattering,nothing to act on. I just look for signs sometimes.
kat
Hey I have the 20 something guy too. Ok, hopefully next time a 30 or 40 something guy!!! Karen
I wonder if it is a "The Graduate" type of fantasy. OMG I could be Mrs Robinson!!
Remind me! lol I think he is in his 20's. Just flattering,nothing to act on. I just look for signs sometimes.
kat
Kat,
Well, the title of your thread is "I've Come Full Circle
25: All grown up". Maybe it's a subconscious thing that you like younger men.
Only by a few years, I won't be a cradle robber all of me life!
kat
...but nothing wrong with being one for part of it!
I already did that 4 year age difference for nearly 21 years remember??
I think a couple years either side is just fine so I won't be chasing 20 somethings or trying by best Anne Bancroft impression. I can hear you all saying Dang!
I feel hopeful for some reason. If it isn't flirt guy now, it may be later. One just never knows and besides if you put all your eggs in one basket you just end up with a bunch of goo!!
kat
Kat,
Are you still going out of town tomorrow?
For my definite answer I will have to find out if S16 works tomorrow night and what time. I am his ride and ex has the 3 younger ones for the weekend after he gets off work. I am not going to clue in ex that I might be going, none of his business.
I have some votes for telling him ahead of time and some saying just show up, so that is my current dilemma. Personally I would like it if he just called and told me he was in town, want to get together sort of thing. So what is the difference?
kat
Ok s16 didn't have to work tonight so off on my adventure I went. It took a little while to convince myself but I am so glad that I did. Things got a bit cleared up and he knows I take stuff personally even when he doesn't mean it as such.
Oh lord he his so much better looking than in his picture that he sent me. The entire time we were talking I swear he didn't take his eyes off of me. Maybe he liked the color of my sweater??? He was nice. While I am in the process of "House Cleaning", he is staying. He was sick and sounded awful and said he could only give me a few minutes but gave me nearly an hour.
I think this probably just made me more attracted to him and I don't know what effect this had on him, but I will just let this set for a while.
kat
I'm glad it sounded like it worked out well. I do think it's his turn next time though!!! Past time! You know I want you to find someone that is crazy in love with you--you deserve that!!! Karen
I would also like to have someone that I have spent the time and energy with to build a solid foundation with. Who doesn't want someone to chase after them? But I want to build this right now. I believe we are worth the time and effort to give it an opportunity. Sorry if that disappoints you but I don't want to just have the rush, I want to build it.
Maybe nothing will come of this, I don't know for sure but it isn't the feeling I get.
kat
Happy Easter, Kat!!! Hope you're having a good day and got lots of chocolate!
Karen
Thanks! You too. I am trying to lose weight so I can proudly say that I haven't raided the candy. Ex has them this weekend and S16 has to work yesterday and today and tomorrow(during in-service) so at least he should make some money. It is strange not having him here all day.
I tried to work on some plumbing issues but I don't have a whole lot of upper body strength so will probably have to find someone to help. It will cost me now but save money and water in the end.
kat
There's definitely a joke there.....with having someone to come "look at your pipes" or something.......But, I won't even try. How are things?
There's definitely a joke there.....with having someone to come "look at your pipes" or something.......But, I won't even try. How are things?
A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do...
Well as you so cutely said, the "kitten is smitten". I am trying to not think about the current situation all the time and just take each day as it comes. I do suppose that is what we did before our lives fell apart in the first place.
Even if nothing comes of this, it does feel good to know that I can have these feelings for someone still and well the other thoughts too.
All of the questions that may arise from those feelings I am sure will be answered one way or another down the road.
As for my pipes, well they need help in various ways. I am sure clever jokes will be said regarding that, but I am fine with the suggestive aspect. Really though, I need to find a handy guy that doesn't already have a wife and rental properties to get help from. That friend has helped a ton over the years but is a tad busy on his own.
Just let the jokes fly and I will be back to watch!
kat
Ex dropped some "news" that I knew would eventually be coming. He is moving in July. No biggie except that I am not going to cave on his request to have the kids spend the night during the week. At least not right now.
He brought S16 up to clean the bank and our office. He has filled in for the bank lady that normally does it before. Anyway ex just kept lingering. So I knew he wanted to talk to me. he wanted to get together for lunch. I get a half hour and don't really like the idea of him upsetting me during the middle of the day. So I said just tell me what is up. He started rattling off all these days he wants the kids.
Then he dropped it with the preface, "I don't want to start a fight" which we all know means that they probably will. That doesn't bother me so much, I mean they have been messing up everything for nearly 3 years. Just can't be shocked by their stupidity.
I like being happy with the idea of like/love/my life so I am going to focus on that instead but I just needed a mini-vent.
kat