Just checked my own thread and found it locked and your message on it Kat. Rodanthe sounds good if you're up for a sad movie. Yeah, I'm pretty broke, once I get a job then I'll have money but no time!!!
Had fun today. D9 and I ran some errands after school, and then the art club. The teacher is so sweet and took the girls from the club (no boys for some reason!) to a local coffee shop that just opened. It's great, the girls had hot choc. and cookies and I had capuccino. Yum! Oh, I told the teacher we might have H take D9 as he was to pick her up tonight and we got home at 6:30 and he wasn't there, usually gets there close to 7. D9 wanted to go meet her friends so we did, and then I called H when we got there and sat down and D9 told him where we were (1 minute from the house where he was). We stayed about 10 minutes, she didn't know if he was coming to get here or not, and then left, way before the other girls. H had just started to walk there and we walked the last 50 feet with him. He is really so self-absorbed. He hasn't seen D9 since Tuesday night for a couple hours, and he was on the phone with a guy friend talking about doing ultramarathons which he's been doing. Blah blah blah kept talking to his friend for at least 5 minutes while we walked home and he kept talking to his friend rather than D9. I was thinking how rude! but truthfully he's always been like that, on the cell phone or texting someone and that's been for several years even before the A (I think).
Ok, should I email H and explain why we were at the coffee shop with her friends rather than there on time? Or just not say anything? I want to be polite, but no more doormat stuff if I can help it!
Karen
The man doesn't have the decency to talk to his daughter and you want to explain where you were??? NO WAY CHICKIE!! You have been so good trying to keep Roger in line and then you start to lapse yourself!!
Why don't we get the funny one Yoyo suggested and we can get the sad one later. I have enough crud going on to keep me crying for weeks.
So what happened to the consignment job? Was she wacko and not really running a store or what?
kat
So what happened to the consignment job? Was she wacko and not really running a store or what?
kat
Well, I already knew she was wacko shortly after meeting her, but she doesn't exactly run the store, or try to sell stuff or anything. She just doesn't have much of a business, and she doesn't like to sell her stuff (OCD or something). She's super sweet though, also going through D now. We still go by to visit every week. She's got a cute little puppy she got and keeps there! Last time we were there, there was a customer there, and D9 says in a REALLY loud voice, "Oh, that's wonderful, she's
finally got a customer" or something like that b/c she was so happy for her! Explained how we might not want to advertise that out when we left!!!
Karen
She is too cute. So is H still paying the house payment etc or will you be packing it up for Kansas soon? Love to have ya!
kat
Packing it up!!! Gotta move somewhere. I've got the kids though so we'll be ok. Karen
Just checking on you....you sound good.
I think I'm doing good. I've realized life is so much less chaotic without H even though I'm job hunting and will have to move! Busy day yesterday doing errands and TKD and stuff. And another busy day today doing more. Saw my C today, I just don't know if I need therapy like I once did, I'm feeling pretty confident and healthy, but with the move and job-hunting and D coming soon, I guess I'll keep going for a little while, and of course the kids too. Sometimes I wish I could fast-forward thru this year and be over all this stuff; hopefully with a job, new place, and the D over. But life happens so quickly I guess it'll happen soon enough.
Kat, I'll visit your thread later when I get a chance, and the movie came in today so anytime you want to see it is fine with me this week or next or whenever you have time! Karen
I know it might be later this week just because of my full plate. Boy I will sure be glad when I can see the plate underneath!
I am looking forward to a movie night though so we will have to make sure we have popcorn and maybe actually give others a chance to get it if they want to join in. But you know it is ok if it is just us, because that is how we started this anyhow.
kat
Hi Karen43,
I thought I'd visit your thread for a change. You seem to be doing well. You give me hope. I don't want my marriage to end, but I can see that if does life will go on. I know it will take time, but I see that I will make it somehow. I hope your house/job search goes well.
WP
Well, got a cold and it's freezing here, went to 18 or 19 this morning which is pretty cold for FL! H emailed me this am:
i just wanted to let you know that if you deside to get a place in (your town) it will have a dramatic effect on our ability to work this all out and avoid depositions and a final hearing. even if you got a place on the west side of (my) town so you could still do things in (your town) it would make a big difference. Honestly, he makes me sick to my stomach.
I think he's still thinking he is going to get everything he wants in this divorce, me moving to his town, not paying too much, etc. Does anyone have any thoughts on this??? Another thought is he wants the kids to go to public school (the cheapest for him) and the schools are horrible in my town so that could be a reason for this. I don't like this person at all. Karen
((((((Karen))))))),
First all of here's a great big hug for you! I think what I would do first is visit the school administrators in your area to see what the best possible placements for your kids in the event you do have to place them back in public schools. Hopefully, it won't come down to that, but you will be live in the right district if it does.
Be sure to visit with the Special Education Supervisor and see what services they provide. Go visit the school and teachers your students would have. I had a student transfer from out of state last year that is autistic. My supervisor brought his mother by to visit with me before they enrolled him.
Once you find the school that you could live with, check around for affordable housing. Hopefully, it won't come down to you having to place them in public schools if you don't want to, but be prepared in the event that you have to. Don't let your H decide what school they go to, obviously he's not up on their educational needs. Who better to be their advocate than you?
Hugs, Yoyo
Sorry about your cold and your taste of the mid-west winter. Your H just thinks he knows everything, I don't know how you do it or even did it for 19 years. I mean really cute can't be everything!! lol
I got the movie so Friday night or Saturday night works for me. You are a gem Karen and don't you forget it!
kat
Yoyo, that is what my H is thinking. I emailed him why does that matter and he emailed back: because one or both the kids could be in school whether the judge decides it or economic realities require it, with you having equal or primary custody.
We tried to get services for my son when he was in school and the only thing we were able to get was Speech. And she couldn't meet with him half the year b/c too busy (had 120 kids in different schools she was supposed to see each week).! Florida doesn't have much in our area. I have a friend that lives in South Florida and they do have some schools there for autistic kids. Otherwise, mostly in our state they send them to private schools that are $15,000 or more or homeschool.
If he just actually gave a crap about the kids' education, I would feel better, but what he is really focused on is $$ and how he can keep the most money for he and OW. Cute is wearing thin right now, in fact, I'm over it. I don't know how I did it so long, but it has gotten worse the last 2 years or so since OW. I think it's like an addict and he sees me as keeping him from living the wonderful, happy life with OW that he wants. Karen
Any idea how much longer this will all take? At this rate you are going to go longer than mine! Are his hangups child support and alimony? Is this guy so money hungry that he can't even do the right thing with his own kids?? Hard to fathom.
kat
Taking a break and checking to see how you're doing.
I think that at the very least, from the sound of it, you can be comfortable in thinking that he does not intend to go for full custody. From what you have said before, I don't think he ever intended to.
So thats a good thing. As for the rest, he sounds no different than what he's sounded like in the past.
Making his controlling of you sound like good advice. Problem is that you recognize it now.
Any idea how much longer this will all take? At this rate you are going to go longer than mine! Are his hangups child support and alimony? Is this guy so money hungry that he can't even do the right thing with his own kids?? Hard to fathom.
kat
Well, he's very self-focused; his family is like that too. I remember his sister divorced her 1st H partially b/c of money, she said something like he couldn't support her in the lifestyle to which she was accustomed to me. I think money is important to them. His dad is an L and his mom was a college prof. My dad was the caretaker type and I learned that from him, you focus on family & kids rather than money. I think we are both extremes, and I'm trying to be less extreme about that. I think we just turned into our parents I guess. I don't know how I made it through 19 years. No wonder I got depressed!!!
BTW, Friday might be better for me if ok with you. H is taking the kids to a race he's doing and then dropping them off at lunch Saturday. He is going to take them this Sunday also he says. Karen
So thats a good thing. As for the rest, he sounds no different than what he's sounded like in the past.
Making his controlling of you sound like good advice. Problem is that you recognize it now.
You're right. I just think if he's 100% vested in me moving to his town 20 miles away, how bout if I wind up getting a job and moving thousands of miles away???? Not in his plans, I don't think.... Karen
Does he know it is a possiblity? I am getting taxes done tomorrow night. If you are up for a later start I am still game, say 9:00 your time?
kat
(((Karen)))
Your H is like my W: delusional.
Does he know it is a possiblity? I am getting taxes done tomorrow night. If you are up for a later start I am still game, say 9:00 your time?
kat
I would think so b/c I've had talks with D9 and S15 about moving. They both said they would want to move with me. The C has talked to them about it this last time too. I wonder if they haven't said anything though b/c they know H has a temper and to protect me or themselves or something. To be honest I'm a tiny bit scared of H if I'm honest, and moving would prob. give me a little bit of relief from that. I think sometimes he's a little mental or something. But maybe just control issues I don't know.
Friday sounds fine Kat b/c I won't have the kids which makes it easier & more fun, and 9:00 9:30 or 10 (if you take as long as me) is fine with me!!! Just let me know when you're done maybe--I could check your thread or something? Karen
Well the lady who does my taxes takes about an hour. She has her program down pat and since it is just me and not both of us a few less things to enter. I just hope I get a little back even though I have to spend it all before I file B on the 25th. I usually don't care about getting it done early.
I think ex will be in for a rude awakening since he won't get to itemize and he also liquidated his IRA like an idiot. If he planned on filing B he should have kept it. I bet he will owe some.
I will let you know as soon as I get back and we can see if we need to start later or not.
kat
Karen: I would think so b/c I've had talks with D9 and S15 about moving. They both said they would want to move with me. The C has talked to them about it this last time too. I wonder if they haven't said anything though b/c they know H has a temper and to protect me or themselves or something. To be honest I'm a tiny bit scared of H if I'm honest, and moving would prob. give me a little bit of relief from that. I think sometimes he's a little mental or something.
Don't rely on the kids to tell your H anything, be honest with your H if this is truley in your plans (Moving). Eventhough your H is a jerk, being close to him, allows the kids to see their dad and gives you some free time to yourself. I know your H is mental, aren't they all, they are the throw-away part of our generation, if its broke, throw it away and get a new one, instead of trying to fix the problem. This applies to everything for them, including relationships.
M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D7, D7, S6
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Don't rely on the kids to tell your H anything, be honest with your H if this is truley in your plans (Moving). Eventhough your H is a jerk, being close to him, allows the kids to see their dad and gives you some free time to yourself.
I know Jeff. I'm still looking for jobs in this area, and haven't given up 100% yet. If I got a job in this area, I would def. stay. But I have started looking elsewhere this past couple weeks since my area is tough right now. If I found out I was going to move, I would immediately tell H, but don't really want to start a fight over something that may not happen. Prob. an expensive fight with the Ls and all too... Karen
I agree Karen. You can cross that bridge when you get to it.
By the way, how's the cookie man doing? Has he found anymore "reasons" to visit with you?
Yes....how is "Cookie Bob" these days?
By the way, how's the cookie man doing? Has he found anymore "reasons" to visit with you?
Well, I see him every Sunday at church. And of course we have to drop the cookies off at his place that he ordered when they come in next week, so....
But seriously, not really interested in dating, just enjoying myself lately and the kids too.
Tonight after I took D9 to the art club and then dropped her off, H was here, was waiting in the house for some reason, he usually doesn't do that anymore. I had told D9 I had made plans to go to the coffee shop after art club, so went there (plans with myself of course)
so I missed H again. It's almost like a game for me, to keep myself so busy I never run into him again.
So I went to the coffee shop and 2 cute guys there btw, but prob. in their 30s so too young, and you know I'm not going for cute anymore! Not that I'm trying to avoid it, but my criteria is a little different than it was at 21! Karen
So I went to the coffee shop and 2 cute guys there btw, but prob. in their 30s so too young, and you know I'm not going for cute anymore! Not that I'm trying to avoid it, but my criteria is a little different than it was at 21!
Yeah . . . "faithful" would be nice, huh.
Puppy
Yep, faithful and kind. And tall don't forget.
Karen
OK, my stress level right now is out of control. I really need to move in about a week, or at least get a big jump on it, next week when I get the next child support/alimony next week. I don't have a lot of $$$ saved, but did what I could.
I'm going to see the L this week and see if I can try to get H to cough up some $$$ to help with moving money and first/last month, and all the other stuff. I know of at least 2 times he cleaned out the checking and savings account for probably a few thousands of dollars, so if I had even a little bit of that would really help. But I'm not holding my breath. If I get desperate, I may have to borrow from my big brother and then repay him, which after 23 years of helping my husband out with expenses/school/our kids really pisses me off.
H trying to control me into moving into his town is crazy--no way am I going to be close to affording that. I think I will have guilt if/when I have to move from here and away from the kids' dad, but I know that I have tried everything to stay here and just doesn't look like it's going to happen. Basically, I'm applying all over now and wherever I get a job, is where I plan on going.
I am sorry. Why has moving got pushed up? I know you have been packing. Just wondering if you received some sort of notice or something.
I have been so tired today. The stress has hit its limit and finally get to stop for the rest of the weekend(though I have lots to do)! I will try to catch up more tomorrow.
kat
I just would like to be out way before the Sheriff shows up on the door or whatever. It's just hitting me. I'm hoping to have enough $$ to put money down and start moving this next weekend. Have to find a place first.
Got some more leads on jobs at church today. One caterer might be looking for weekend help which would be great for me, and great experience of course, and a vet's office (one of the vets goes to our church) is hiring for part-time kennel help also and I love animals and could prob. learn a lot from that job too if I could get it. I just wish life was a little more stable for me, but I guess I'm in an adventure phase! Karen
(((Karen)))
It feels like we've all been given the ancient Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times."
But you know I have this sorta' gut feeling that you're going to come out on top in all this, thrive even. So hang in there.
H emailed today. Wants to keep the kids overnight one night this week. I have a full schedule of appts. with them every am, so he is going to take them Wed. night and drop them off at their therapist Thurs. at 11. I told him that would work out fine b/c I have plans Wednesday
(it's the annual Ladies night at the church and the guys cook and wait on the women for a change--the pastor got me to promise to go b/c I don't know about that.)
Hopefully they won't have to be at his apt. or OW's too much by themselves. I felt yukky about this at first, but glad he's making an effort. He's prob. about to file for mediation would be my guess and wants to get in some extra visitation crammed in before that!
I'll be glad when this is all over; I really do think. Karen
I was thinking the same thing, Karen.
Cynical, us, eh?
Puppy
Busy day today. Talked to my L. H's L set up the kids for evaluation of their academics. I'm going to pick that up tomorrow. She also wants me to print out the 2 emails where H was saying I need to move to his town if I want mediation to work out well for me. She said it's intimidating or threatening or something, and I'm just so used to that from him. I was just planning on ignoring it, but if it can help me and the kids, why not?
H is still 100% wanting the kids in public school, well at least D9 I think. She is less autistic than S15. I'm trying for hsing, but if that doesn't work out, I think D9 could attend a private school in our town where she has lots of friends. They love her and help her out whenever they can, and would probably do that at school with her also. And the class sizes are around 10 instead of the 30 in public school here. If the judge insists on public school, then my 3rd option would be public charter school for autism kids in South Florida which would probably be good (only 3 kids per teacher and they have several teachers and aides in each classroom) if we have to do that. I have learned not to plan more than about a week ahead at this point, instead of the 5 year plans I used to have.
The animal hospital called today and I have an interview Thursday!!!
Apparently, it sounds like M-F from 2 to 5 or 5:30 and every other weekend and that would be about 6 to 8 hours on those weekends. And I'd try to get H to watch the kids on those weekends. So it sounds great. So cross your fingers or pray or think good thoughts for me Thursday (at 2:30). I just saw one of the dads at the afterschool thing today and he had been to 6 or 7 job sites he said looking for work and no luck. It's not easy to find jobs now I guess!!! Karen
I have fingers crossed and I will be wishing you luck and sending prayers. You deserve this. I hope you get it. What are you doing this Saturday?
kat
Thanks. I hope so too! I don't know--what am I doing Saturday???
I don't have any plans yet--well packing boxes and trying to move I guess.
Karen
So D9 made a card for her dad tonight: It says: A dad lived with a girl and brother. The girl's name was (D9). The brother was (S15). The dad loved his family even his wife deep down.
How do your DD's words make you feel, Karen? I know you must be at least a little concerned for how this is all affecting your daughter's feelings.
((((Hugs)))) and blessings.
Your poor sweetie. Kids can see things so clearly and the idiots don't want to. So sad that when it is all about them and what makes them happy, everyone else has to suffer.
kat
Hi Karen,
Have you ever tried one of the online job search engines like Monster.com? It might be worth a shot.
Hugs, Yoyo
How do your DD's words make you feel, Karen?
Thanks, you guys! I was kind of surprised b/c I know my S15 is depressed about the D, but D9 always seems fine, always says her dad moving out was great b/c now she sees him more than she used to, she gets 2 birthdays and Christmases and things like that. I guess it only makes sense she has some sad feelings. Glad she feels she can share with me and her dad about them. (I photocopied the card and I thought I'd give it to her therapist, b/c she had kind of said the same thing: S15 is depressed and S9 wasn't as affected.
Yoyo, I've tried monster, and indeed. and every other job search place, the local papers, and bunches of websites of places I wanted to work. I found this latest one in the local paper. It was good b/c they had you drop the resume in person and I do well in person, I'm socially acceptable and all that & chatted with the receptionist. So that was good. I've heard the vets and vet techs there are nice, so sounds like it would be a good place to work.
Good luck with the job interview today! I have a good feeling about this one.
kat
Just lobbed a big ol' prayer your way, Karen! I feel good too!
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."
I know you have, and I believe He will.
Puppy
Thoughts and prayers, Karen.
Karen,
Hope the job interview is going well for you. You have lots of people pulling for you!
Thanks everyone!!! I told a couple people around here too! I had the interview. The guy seems really nice. The receptionist and the tech that interviewed me had their dogs in the office with them! The guy interviewing me had 3 dogs in his office!!!
I'm not that confident I'll get it. He mentioned that he thought I was overqualified for the job, like why would I want to do what's a minimum wage job? I told him I was looking for a part-time job that I'd enjoy, and I probably would hope to get a raise at some point, and I could help out their receptionist if she was out sick or on vacation also. He said they mostly hire people with no experience and train them, and I told him I'm a quick learner. I told him the kids would be with their dad weekends I worked. He stressed the job gets dirty sometimes, I mean you know sick and injured animals and stuff, and I said I've had animals and kids so I'm used to that!!! He says he's interviewing several other people, and wants to decide tomorrow. He asked me when I could start and I said tomorrow if he wanted! But I might have made a mistake, I told him I would want next Tuesday I had already committed to helping out at the dinner they're having at the church Tuesday, but I normally wouldn't have anything like that b/c if I did get the job I wouldn't sign up for stuff during work hours. So that may have been a mistake, but that's the kind of person I am, and all, so if it's a problem, then maybe it's for the best. So don't know if I convinced him I'm right for the job, but I did my best, so I feel okay about it. But I wish the interview had lasted a little longer!!! Karen
Karen,
Type the guy up a quick thank-you-for-the-interview letter.
MAKE SURE TO GET THE SPELLING OF HIS NAME AND CORRECT TITLE RIGHT. Hand-deliver it. In the letter, retract your "can't-work-next-Tuesday" stip:
"One other thing: I mentioned to you that I would be unable to work next Tuesday due to a commitment I made at my church. If this is a problem, I will make whatever arrangements I need to make, because I would very much like to come to work for you."
Close by ASKING FOR THE JOB, giving your cellphone (or home phone) #, and telling him in that Karen-is-so-charming way of yours that "Why not get this off your to-do list now, and just hire me?"
And then INCLUDE one of those little smiley faces you like so much.
I'll bet you a cup of coffee in Tally someday that he calls you and hires you.
Puppy
Just wondering if you had heard anything?
kat
Yep. He called tonight and said he went with someone else. I kind of thought that after the interview, I can usually tell how it's going. He didn't ask me any questions, so just said he thought I was overqualified. Was concerned about my kids. I did try to sell myself, assuring my kids would be with their dad, and I love animals, and would love the job, etc. But I think he was 99% convinced he didn't want to hire me. I know, I know if I was Puppy I would have been able to do it, but there's part of me that thinks well maybe that wasn't the right job for me, since the hiring person seemed so negative. Shoot, I always do better with women hirers too for some reason. They always think I'm too good for the job or something, I don't know why that is. You know I want that job prob. as bad as anybody else that applied if not more. But I'm back to doing more job applications. And it was a good experience, if I get an interviewer like that again, I think I would do better next time, although don't know if I'd be able to convince them.
H was going to take the kids for 2 days b/c his roommate is out of town this week he says. He brought them back at lunch today though half a day later, b/c D9 wanted to go to her art club. I got some extra hsing done today that I thought I wouldn't get to, and took her there. Looked at a rental also with them, but it looked a little like it might be unsafe. Lots of mobile homes and kind of a shack next door with a VERY loud dog barking. They just seemed very rundown and next door they had like a junkyard in the back. I wouldn't mind it so much, but do want to find someplace safe for me and the kids. I have 2 local realtors looking for places, so I'm feeling positive about the house search anyway.
My L gave me a copy of a letter she mailed to H's L yesterday. It was rude again, warning him to advise his client not to threaten me anymore about where I live, and saying "my client" has undergone therapy so I'm no longer intimidated by H.
She did ask for the emails and I would like to do what is needed legally, but I think every time H and I are getting along somewhat like we have this week working out the kids stuff and him being distantly polite and friendly, then my L sends off a rude letter or email to his L, and we take 2 steps back. Karen
But he does threaten you and tries to intimidate you into doing what he wants. He thinks sweet Karen is going to do what he wants as long as he says it nicely. Your L is sticking up for you too. She can see how much you have grown.
Just hold your ground. You can be nice and firm(with the emphasis on the firm). He is trying to break you down, don't let him. He has done enough/said enough that if I ever met the man I would have to slap him for being such a jerk to you.
kat
Just hold your ground. You can be nice and firm(with the emphasis on the firm). He is trying to break you down, don't let him. He has done enough/said enough that if I ever met the man I would have to slap him for being such a jerk to you.
kat
Kat, and you know I would love to give your X a slap for the same reason!!!
I was thinking about sending an apology email or at least explaining the L stuff is business, etc., but I guess it's not my job to apologize for my L and if he wasn't threatening me in the first place she wouldn't have done that...I didn't even tell my L about it, she had asked if he still wanted the kids in ps and I said yeah, he just emailed me this week and was making it clear that if I want things to go well, and not get deposed or go to trial, I should move to his town so they can public school. The funny thing is I think he should be way more avoiding that stuff than me, yeah, I was depressed, but the way he treated me was horrible plus the A, and I would plan on being honest if it came to that.
I was bummed yesterday about the job, but feel fine today. Picked up D9's girl scout cookies this am and chatted with the other moms and kids. The kids were home when I got back. I'm getting really good at being elsewhere when H comes over! I went to the coffee shop for dinner last night and that was fun too. I'm still getting used to going places alone!
I was listening to some happy music today in the car, that song "I'm a Believer" from the Shrek movie was on and I'm having good PMA today. I had a thought that I just need to find someone that will stick with me through thick and thin, but hopefully mostly thin (I mean on my part)!!!
Karen
Happy Valentines Day Karen Sorry about the job hunting I know you'll find something. Just wanted to stop by and wish you a happy Valentines Day
Jeff
M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D7, D7, S6
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Thanks, Jeff!!
Happy Valentine's Day!I took the kids to a special kid's day they had at the nearby town kid's museum. They had lots of arts and crafts which D9 loves, and some entertainment. H said he wanted me to have the kids today and tomorrow b/c his roommate is getting back from a trip and would want the apartment to himself. Well, at least that's nicer than saying I have a romantic day or weekend planned with OW which is prob. the real truth.
Stuff like that is painful, but I just tell myself that it'll be good to have someone like that out of my life!!!
I hope everyone is having a
Happy Valentine's Day!!!
Karen
Happy Valentines Day, Karen.
Don't worry, lady. You will find that right job.
I'm back on the job hunt today. Going to fax my resume to a local job today and I think they left a phone # in the paper also so will call too. Surprisingly, I still actually have some optimism left which you wouldn't think! I'm going to check out the library on some interviewing books and try to get some tips, I've done some good interviews, but the last one was hard for me! So will work on that too.
H started out my am this morning witching about D9 losing her glasses. He asked me why I didn't ask at the church sooner? I told him I asked as soon as I realized she lost them around the time we were there, and different people handle things differently, and we are just doing our best. You can guess what I really wanted to say.
No smileys to him of course. I won't get into that defend stuff with him anymore, so if he emails again I'll just ignore them. I'm just glad I'm no longer going to be married to someone that criticizes everything I do. It's so easy to be critical of the person that does the 6 days of parenting a week. I'm sure I'd be able to do that with him if the situation was reversed--but of course I wouldn't!!! Karen
Popping to say hi, karen.
At this point, it might be refreshing to just go off on him. But I know you shouldn't.
Hang in there, sweety. We know your doing the best you can.
At this point, it might be refreshing to just go off on him. But I know you shouldn't.
Hang in there, sweety. We know your doing the best you can.
Thanks, and yeah, I wanted to do that!!! He emailed me a 2nd time saying I was crazy that I didn't look at the school right away before i spent time looking in the house. Well, I looked at the school when I realized they might be there which I explained in my email to him, but he prob. doesn't read it very much. Turns out they were in the car! S15 found them! D9 stuck them in one of those side compartments in the back seat, which I never use, and we don't use really, b/c she took a car nap last week she said. So glad I don't have to go to WW3 with H over them!!!
Karen
I feel good about myself that I didn't get into defending or attacking him or whatever. Hopefully, this'll be over soon! Karen
Karen,
Just bumping you up.
Uggghhhh... Give me a break. Kids lose things and glasses are very easy to misplace. I'm 46, and right now have no idea where my glasses are!!!
Yoyo are they on top of your head or hanging from a chain around your neck?? LOL I just needed to interject some humor.
kat
Yoyo are they on top of your head or hanging from a chain around your neck?? LOL I just needed to interject some humor.
kat
Kat,
LOL. I wear contacts and I am blind as a bat, so I rarely take contacts out. I was going to take them out the other day and couldn't find my glasses. I'm so blind I can't walk around without contacts or glasses. I've really got myself in a pickle!
I have the same thing Yoyo! I'm so blind it's a chore to find my contact lens case in the am. It's clear and I was just thinking I need to get like a neon colored one or something like that! And btw, Kat, H bought D9 one of those chains to hang the glasses around her neck, but she says they're uncomfortable and takes them off even more!!! I just want her to learn to put them in her case!
Well, I've been posting on everyone's thread but my own lately. My life is so peaceful, calm, and happy. Keeping busy by delivering girl scout cookies this week! I ordered some interviewing books that look good. For some reason my library has only one or 2 interview books that are about 30 years old so I figured I needed ones a little more up-to-date than that. I don't think they even had the internet back then or at least I didn't! Karen
Hey Karen, thanks for posting on my thread. I am glad to hear that you are happy doing your own thing lately. What is your state of mind? I could use some direction to get there. Would you say you are still optimistic about a recon or are you just going to leave it to a higher being to decide? Sorry to be so blunt. I would love to have the peace that you have and is wondering all these things.
Karen, I was a stay at home Mom until recently, after the bomb. If you don't mind my two cents. Just start small (e.g. non-profits or library or something like that just to get out there, if possible.) Another tip is to network. Talk to everyone you can about your skills and what you are looking to do. It works, it happened to me. I was talking to a friend and she told me what her son did. I thought it was very interesting and I started looking. I got a small job on my own from the newspaper. Two months work but I had something on my resume. Then her son called her up about another position that was open, my friend called me and the employer called me, we met and hired me without a resume!!! It took several months for it all to pan out but get the word out there and sometimes people will remember what you said and send things your way. Wish you the best of luck!
What is your state of mind? I could use some direction to get there. Would you say you are still optimistic about a recon or are you just going to leave it to a higher being to decide?
Thanks, PM. My state of mind has been amazingly great lately despite job hunting and house-hunting. Very calm and peaceful.
I am very negative about a recon, I think there's about 1% chance in my case, but I've learned not to make plans about my future: I will do this or whatever. Just letting things unfold as they will. I don't think I would ever go back (and certain people around here wouldn't let me)
to where I was a year or 2 ago being yelled at and insulted by my H. I have too much self-esteem for that now. I think my H would have to break up with the OW, which I know will happen at some point (she's been married 3 times already), but he'd have to go to MC and IC and way too much stuff. So maybe this is my opportunity to have a R in the future with someone that's faithful, kind, and a Christian. I don't really think my H is any of those at this point, so maybe it's for the best.
Things keep getting better, and my PMA, so that's good. I live in a small town and it's like a little network. Everyone in town I think knows I'm looking for work so I think it's just a matter of time. I ordered some books on interviewing b/c I want to work on my interviewing skills, and I kind of feel like I'll get the right job for me. I'm keeping super busy with everything and moving in the next month, so if I don't get a job for a month or 2, I think it would be ok. Karen
Thanks Karen. I am getting a better idea of how you feel eventhough there is a 1% chance of a recon. I hope you get what you want, a faithful, Christian man who you can trust whether it's your H or not. I crave the peace you describe. Thank you very much for sharing.
Thanks, PM. I'm just trying to keep pretty busy really, and just get through. Let God worry about the big stuff. I still do sometimes though anyway!
D9 told me H has moved into a new apt. this week. He was spending one week at an apt. with a guy friend of his, and then one week (the week she doesn't have her kids) at OW's house. So now I guess he has enough $$ to get his own place. I felt a twinge of fear and I asked D9 if he had a roommate (thinking it might be OW) but she said no. He doesn't have any furniture yet, so I'm sure OW wouldn't spend much time there I don't think. I think she's a high-maintenance type (she is really my total opposite)! Sometimes I think well if that's what makes him happy, the total opposite of me, I would never be good for him anyway. And I guess his getting this apt. doesn't really change anything. I'm bummed that it bothers me at all...
D9 wants to try out for Sound of Music tonight. I was thinking about trying out too maybe, but I have another cold!, and am not feeling it. Maybe I can try out for a speaking part or just sing Happy Birthday or something. I'm just not feeling it too much, but I think D9 would love it if we could do a musical together. Karen
Sorry you have a cold. I do too. It just "hit me" yesterday. I would love to be sleeping until I am better but my boss isn't here today so I have to be.
I know what you mean about that bothering you. Probably a lot like my ex testdriving a newer car. WTH?? They have to file B but can afford to do this stuff? I guess I just don't get it.
Try out for what you feel up for. Could you let them know you are sick and maybe tryout tomorrow? (Just asking because sometimes tryouts are over a couple of days). Either way, I hope you do well. Break a leg!!
kat
I did it. I tried out anyway. Oh, well. I did my best. Some of my friends were there, and some of the kids I teach at that afterschool program. I was so touched; I had encouraged one of the girls to try out b/c she has a great voice and great energy and she actually did. She did a great job too! Me not so good. But I had fun and that's what matters! Right? D9 did a great job too. Although they have so many great people trying out, I just hope D9 gets a part, b/c 2 of her friends did really great about her age and I think they are going to get a part. Karen
What a great way for you and D9 to bond, the Sound of Music is great! I love that movie. It's good to see you are busy and having fun.
I had the afterschool thing today and a social at my church tonight. I was on the committee to help out so helped out all night and it was super successful with lots of people so it was great. One of the women was complaining about how tired she was b/c their part-time office help didn't show up that day. I said well if you're looking for someone part-time? Then her H comes up to me later and asked me if I wanted to work for them part-time for the next few months, said he hadn't talked to his W, but just had decided to hire me I guess! So I'm going to call him tomorrow.
Then a few minutes after that, the vet from my church whose office was hiring last week (and I didn't get it) came up to me & said she had told him to hire me (I hadn't even told her I had applied but you know how small towns are!) but she said she shouldn't have done that b/c he always does the opposite. She told me he is really negative--he's my total opposite so I'm thinking maybe my positiveness prob. turned him off. I had even put I'm a positive person in my cover letter, but at least I didn't do any of my smiley faces.
She said she is going to try to get me a job the next time they need an opening and she apologized to me. She is really sweet! So anyway, this is all within about 10 minutes. I'm just thinking I really think someone is watching out for me you know. I think that's why I feel optimistic even after this time, I just know everything is going to work out for the best for me and everyone else here too! Karen
Something awesome did happen, especially if that job works out! I am so happy for you. I am sure you are going to do a great job. Let us know what happens.
kat
Woohoo! Karen, that's great news! I'm sending you a high-five and a hug!
Karen, that is AWESOME! So happy for you to get the job. I hope it works out well and you really enjoy your new position!
S15 is going to do the 30-hour famine some of the churches are doing this weekend and at ours. So changed H's night to Saturday night with the kids instead of the usual Friday night (with his agreement of course). D9 was disappointed and for some reason I said well why don't you talk to him about it? She called him and he said he'd have to think about it. I thought he'd be happy to have the extra night with her, but apparently not. I guess he has a date or something. I guess OW might be mad if he cancels on her or something. I'm just kind of disgusted with him. He's just a lot different than me now. In future I'll just email him I think so that doesn't happen.
Karen
Funny that this is the same man that said he wanted full(or was it1/2)custody? What was he ever thinking? Don't worry about him. Your kids already know that he is alittle coo-coo for cocoa puffs anyway. So how did the conversation with the office couple go? Do you have the job for sure?
We will have to talk soon just to catch up.
kat
I can't believe I was ever worried about him taking full custody. That was a waste of worry. He emailed me back an email after D9's phone call saying he wants to just communicate via email as the C suggested when she met with him 2 weeks ago. Um, did she mean if Jamie wants to spend the night with him she shouldn't be able to call and ask him? He said basically since I put him on the spot with D9's call that he will take her Friday night (what an awesome dad huh?) and then drop her off Saturday at lunch. So he's not going to even have S15 for one night this week. And then pick up the kids Sunday for church
.
Um, apparently he sounds pretty po'd I'm looking like I'm trying to cut into his dating time with OW!!!
I emailed him back, I agree I'll just email in the future and it worked out good b/c S15 is going to be gone Friday night and so am I b/c I
got a part in the sound of the music!!!
(I didn't smiley face him though of course!) I'm in the chorus but should still be a lot of fun! Most of my theatre friends have a part too. Unfortunately, D9 didn't get a part, but I'll be able to take her some nights prob. and she can still play with the kids. And we can paint sets and maybe I can get her an understudy part or something hopefully.
I called the guy from my church today when I got back from the dentist and the office person answered and took my msg. and said he was out of the office. He never called back and he doesn't seem the type unless he had an emergency or something. If I don't hear back (maybe he didn't get the message???--I left it with the girl that didn't show up yesterday you know) so was thinking if he doesn't call me back I should call back tomorrow afternoon. I don't want to be stalkerish, but not seem lax either? And D9 has the flu today, hoping it's 24 hour!!! Karen
Congrats on the part, Karen!
And I hope D9 gets to feeling better real soon.
Hugs and blessings.
I started the am with 4 emails from H. Each one complained about my parenting. I haven't set D9 for tooth cleaning yet. (They will only set 2 at a time, so S15 who needs it the most and I set myself b/c trying to get it done before the D.) I told him I would set her the second they will let me (after our cleanings next month). Another email complaining about the dynamic of having D9 call him (I've done that maybe 2 or 3 times in the past year) and I said I agree, will just email in the future and he wants to start taking the kids overnight on Tuesday in his new apt. and then bring them back at lunch. I emailed back I'm sure they'll enjoy that. He sent another email complaining I haven't had S15's teeth pulled/cavities filled. The dentist told me after he got the cleaning they would refer him to a specialist to do that. I just emailed H back that info. He sent another email complaining I haven't told him about appts. for the kids which I didn't reply to b/c I have told him about all of them. The one I set yesterday I emailed this am as I planned to do. So I didn't reply to that email. Am I a horrible parent or is my H crazy or what do you think?????? He added at the end of one of them: As concerned as i was before this raises it to a whole new level.
Karen
CRAZY! That's my answer.
Hi Karen! Typical H. It irritates the crap out of me that he leaves you and the kids for another woman and has the absolute ball$ to ridicule your parenting. Oh, wasn't he the one that left for vacation and didn't return calls when a tree hit during a storm or to make sure you and the kids were okay? I am thinking of you right? You are doing a great job. You're following the procedures of the dentists office. What the hell else does he want. I'm sure you notified him of everything.
AND, for him to be angry that you had D9 call? Why can't his own daughter call to see if it's okay? That makes no sense to me. He's a selfish a$$.
You keep up the great job that you're doing. Congrats on the part and I hope that the job comes through.
Hugs to you Karen.
-SueS
CRAZY! That's my answer.
Hi Karen! Typical H. It irritates the crap out of me that he leaves you and the kids for another woman and has the absolute ball$ to ridicule your parenting. Oh, wasn't he the one that left for vacation and didn't return calls when a tree hit during a storm or to make sure you and the kids were okay? I am thinking of you right? -SueS
Yep, that's the one. I don't get it. I've been saving all my emails so I do have proof I emailed him on the appts. in the last couple months but before that I didn't keep them, but hopefully at least that will show that he's either lying or forgetful or whatever is going on.... Thanks for posting Sue, b/c sometimes I feel like is he crazy or am I or what???
Karen
Take it from me, Karen. It takes a crazy person to know another crazy person -- and you're not crazy. Your H most certainly is.
Karen,
I think your H wins the AOTD (A$$ of the day) award today. If he spent as much time being a parent as he does nit-picking your skills as a parent, he MIGHT be a 1/4 of the parent you are!
I think you handled the email wonderfully. You were way ahead of him on everything. You have the patience of Job. I don't know how you keep from blasting him, but you are definitely showing who the bigger person is here. I'm glad you still are keeping all the emails. He underestimates you. I'm sure it never occurred to him that you would keep the records.
He's the crazy one, and you have the emails to prove it. How stupid can he be. Once you put something in writing, there is no denying.
Sorry for the rambling, but dang...he riles me up!
Hugs, Yoyo
PS As far as the job situation goes with the church couple, how about going down there to see if you can fill out a job application? I think it would be a gentle reminder. What do you have to lose?
Yoyo, I think the Prozac I'm on helps and being able to vent here!!! He has sent 10 emails now all of which imply my bad parenting. The dentist's office told us 2 different things. My H brought up that he wants my son to be sedated b/c of the AS and now he's saying we'll do it without, but he was the one that convinced my S15 to do sedation and now S15 is insisting on it!!!
I have a job interview for tomorrow at 3pm. Just that temp. job but still happy about that. My 1st rehearsal for Sound of Music tonight. I've got therapy with the C in 20 minutes and do Walmart and dinner in between. I need a nap! Karen
Karen,
Is the temp. job the one offered by the church couple! Good luck on that! Also congrats on "The Sound of Music", one of my all time favorites. I'm a dork, I love musicals! LOL
I do too! Yep, it's the church couple in my Sunday School class. I got the job!!! Yahoo! He was saying if he didn't know me seeing my resume he wouldn't hire me b/c I have a lot of education and too impressive work experience. But since he knows my sitch, he's fine with hiring me. So yay!!! It's 16 hours a week which is PERFECT and I can work any 4 days M-Sat. any 4 hours. So I'm def. going to work when the kids are gone Wed. am and Saturday, so I'll only be away 8 hours a week and S15 should be able to handle that and I'll take my cell so they can call me I guess.
I went to the C yesterday and did some of the most venting I think I've ever done in the past year! I was hearing myself thinking wow I am really angry, saying stuff like I think he's a frutcake and if he really cared about the kids I would be more understanding but the C just think it's the same old bullying stuff he's always done. Don't know why the dozen emails he sent yesterday bothered me more than usual, b/c you know he's done that a lot, but I just couldn't take it yesterday!!!
I thought the music part would be easy since no learning of lines or dancing, but I went last night to rehearsal and he gave us a dozen pages of Latin songs and chants--we're playing nuns!!!! So it may be a little more of a challenge than I thought. Not the nun part, but the Latin I mean.
Got rehearsal again tonight and I'll try to check in tonight if I'm not too tired. Hope everyone's doing good!!! Karen
Yippee!! Karen got a job!! I am so happy for you. Let's hope there is good news all around. I go to B Lawyer tomorrow for about 3 hours(yuck! Though he is nice so I shouldn't complain.)
Hopefully this will all be submitted by next week and I can heave a mini-sigh of relief.
kat
Glad to hear you got a job Karen, it sounds perfect for you
we're playing nuns!!!!
should we call you Sister Karen now
M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D7, D7, S6
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
we're playing nuns!!!!
should we call you Sister Karen now
The Latin Chanting Sister Karen...
Just wanted to tell you congrats on the job, sounds like it will be a really good fit for you and the kids.
As far as H and his hyper-critical BS...its pretty much his MO now. Ever notice that TARD is part of the word BASTARD? Coincidence? I think not. Its easier to criticize you than recognize his own short-comings. Your doing the best thing you can by keeping the emails. Let him hang himself, it sounds like hes bound and determined to anyway.
I'm still lurking, but not posting a whole lot these days. Just here and there. Trying to GAL...whatever that is!
So had fun Friday night. We went to an African drumming/dancing workshop and got to dance some of the dances. I dropped D9 off near H's apartment since I was in his area of town. I think it was nice of me to offer b/c he's been so rough lately. He handed over the letter from the mortgage company re: his not paying the mortgage and I said thanks. He didn't say one word to me. I know it shouldn't bother me anymore, but still does. Yeah, I guess I'm a masochist or something.
I chanted and sang Latin for a couple hours after that and got home around 11 so was a long day. We're suppposed to start work on memorizing some of the Latin songs now!! Hah!!! And we're supposed to come up with a name for our nun character. I don't know: one person came up with Sister Elizabeth; I don't know maybe Grace or something? I don't know any nun names!!!
Will try to check in on everyone now. Hope you're having a good weekend!!! Karen
Hey Karen,
A lot of nun names have Mary in the front like Sister Mary Angela, or Sister Mary Elizabeth or even Sister Mary Kay. I had to go on a class trip to live with the nuns for a week so I remember that one - we all thought Mary Kay was funny. Then there is Angnes - thats a really "nunny" name - wasn't there like Agnes of God?
Now see this is the kind of advice I can sink my teeth into!
okay, as a professional Catholic, I can give you some good ideas.
yes, nun names often have "Mary" at the front of them. Classic examples: Sr. Mary Clare; Sr. Mary Frances. You could go for the exotic: Sr. Polycarp, Sr. Euphrasia, Sr. Theodosia. The male names often signalled a particularly stern nun--Sr. Edward, Sr. Thomas, Sr. Francis Borgia. If you want movie nun names, there's always Sr. Bertrille (the flying nun), Sr. Luke (from the Nun's Story), Sr. Luc-Gabrielle (the singing nun), Sr. Benedict (from Going My Way).
If you don't care for any of these, I'm sure I can come up with more!
My favorite nun, because she is a saint, is Sr Bernard. She is Saint Bernadette. She saw a lady(a vision) in Lourdes, France. Even though she has been dead for over a 130 years her body shows very little decomposition and she is "on display" in Nevers,France. I just bought 2 medals of the Lady of Lourdes for my niece(that has cancer) and for myself(to heal my heart).
Good luck finding a name.
kat
I am so stressed out tonight. It's really hitting me: the foreclosure, new job tomorrow, finding somewhere to live, the play and all the Latin songs (I know I shouldn't be worried about that but am). I'm feeling like I've got way too much on my plate!
I got a letter from the bank re: foreclosure and it says if you pay half what you owe and something about maybe being able to reduce the payments or interest or whatever. The interest now is at 5.5 though so don't know if that could change. Do you think there is any point to calling them to see if I could work out something with them or just cut my losses like H has done? I just feel crappy about going through foreclosure, I live in a small town, leaving the house where we've been living for some time now. It's just feeling like too much. Does anyone have any advice? I feel like I need it!!!
Also, just to add more stress H usually drops off the child support/alimony check every other Sunday and was due today (he got paid Friday). He didn't. So now I guess I have to email and remind him or something?
Karen
I suppose you could send him all the bills to take care of but then you don't know where you will stand. Are you able to pay half with what he gives you and the part time job? It would be worth looking into I think.
Break down the pieces of the plate. You are where I was about a month ago. Let go what you can't control and focus on the things at hand. You can do this hon. Stay focused.
Hugs, kat
How do you solve a problem like Karen?
How do you hold a moon beam in your hand?
Seriously, though, the banks are all probably overwhelmed with the current financial crisis. The droves of foreclosures and loan defaults are probably staggering, so they're likely to do what they can to cut a deal and minimize their losses. Have you contacted your lender directly or considered a meeting with them to see what your options really are? I would think they'd want to work something out.
Hang in there. I still hate the loss of my own home but it couldn't be helped. In the bigger scheme of things you need to think of yourself and your kids first. You'll make it no matter what.
((((Hugs))) and blessings.
I think if the bank is suggesting that you only pay half and they will reduce payments interest excetera it makes sense to at least see what they will offer you. I know I live in a completely different market but because of a change in interest rate and increasing the term just 3 years I was able to assume all of our debt(around $25,000) and the current mortgage and the payments are only going up $13 every 2 weeks, that is making it a larger mortgage, imagine if you cut it in half and increased the term - it might be doable and you can stay in your house. I just think its worth a listen.
I will contact the lender tomorrow. It won't hurt to see what they say I guess. And if it could be worked out I would feel like I dodged at least one bullet! But if not, I know I'll be ok. If H doesn't pay the child support/alimony (it's been ordered by the judge) what do I do about that? I'm either going to have to pay the mortgage co. a sizeable amount or a first/last month and moving truck so I'm going to really need it!
Btw, D9 told me H's apt. is full of furniture now: one of his friends gave him an apartment full. I'm thinking OW most likely.
Notify your L. You don't need to deal with him unless it is the kids stuff.
kat
Yes, Karen! Contact your mortgage lender and see what can be worked out. I am in the middle of working out a forebearance repayment thing myself; they want to work with you if at all possible.
I've got another question. I had rehearsal the other night in my H's town (he moved 40 minutes away from our house/town). So I let H know I could drop off D9 in his town so he just had a 5 minute drive and I had a 35 minute drive since I was there. He usually picks them up at our house (2 x a week). He wants to start meeting in the middle now, so I guess 20 minutes per way. I'm thinking with my rehearsal and work schedule and volunteer work and moving poss. that will be almost impossible for me to do, while he just works 40 hours a week. What's your opinion on this? If I didn't have all this going on, then it might be fair, but I'm leaning towards no. Opinions on this??? Oh, H emailed and forgot to drop off the check, so will drop off tomorrow night.
Karen
Hi Karen,
Refresh my memory: isn't your husband IN this other town to begin with to be closer to OW? If that's the case, then I wouldn't agree to meet him halfway.
Puppy
Yes, OW lives in that town. His job is in that town too. I was thinking like tomorrow I have 45 minutes b/w my volunteer job at the food bank to go to rehearsal from 7 to 10, so I would miss dinner and change clothes time I want. I'm at least not going to do it tomorrow and will tell him that I can't.
So I emailed I don't have the time to meet him halfway Tuesday. Here's his email back:
that's why i think the taking all the way and picking up all the way works better. i could pick them up Tuesday and you could pick them up Sunday unless you have to work then i could drop them off.
i still want to be flexible just even it out some. So I guess twice a week he wants me to drop off and pick up the kids the 70-80 minute drive. What do I do if he refuses to return the kids on Sunday? I have Bible class and I really just don't want to!!! I'm probably going to be moving and packing up this week also. Busy with all the stuff I'm doing, the new job, rehearsals, I'm already stressed about all the stuff in my life, and he wants to add in a couple hours of driving to his apt. and back!
He's the one that moved far away. That was HIS choice. Geez, he ticks me off.
What does your lawyer say? What does your agreement say? Follow it to the T at this point. Don't budge. You can always be flexible down the road.
Your stbxh is a piece of work.
The L thinks it's fine for me to drop off & pick up at H's apt. half the time. I have NO desire to do that. I'm thinking about meeting him halfway then b/w his place and mine. He's going to be vacationing again most of the week, at least this time with the kids, so I don't feel sorry for him!!! OK how about this for my reply: I'm fine with meeting you halfway time permitting. I can either meet you halfway on Sunday b/w 1 and 5 (let me know what time and where) or you can drop them off at the house anytime. Any suggestions or changes on that?
YOu could always let him know that you have a very tight schedule as it is. I know you probably won't say this but you could let him know that since this is all his doing, he is the only one that should be inconvienced.
I haven't been to ex's rental and have no desire to. He tries to tell me how much better than our/my house is but the kids say everything is old there and it isn't nice at all. I make him do all the coming and going since none of us wanted this situation. But I know you are a lot nicer than me.
Was today your first day on the job? How did it go? I hope you enjoyed it!
kat
I filled out my paperwork and got drug tested, and they ran my driving record. I start Wed am officially doorhangering or whatever they call it. Putting the advertising on doors around here. So next time you're irritated remember it could be some person like me that really needs the job!!!
OK, so H emails me: think your missing part of my point. it would be half way if we did it coming and going. if i do all the driving there and then halfway sunday it means 3/4 me 1/4 you. i dont mind doing extra when you have conflicts but i have done hundreds of trips. so my draft email back to him is:
I agree. I will try to do all the halfway trips meeting at whatever those places are, as my schedule allows. I got involved in the Sound of Music before I found out and got the job. Remember how busy it is to be in the play? I'm also probably going to have to move in the next week or 2. I don't have much time or money and can't give more than I am right now. I'm spending 40 hours or so on homeschooling, the kids, the kids' activities, errands, meals, volunteer work, add in the job (16-20 hours) and the play and I'm already doing all I can. The job and play are temporary (although I'm hoping I will get a permanent job soon also), so maybe after the move things will get better hopefully. I actually find I like being busy, but not this busy!!! I don't know if you can tell in my email, but I feel like I have comethisclose to snapping and telling H what I think of him the last couple days!!! Any suggestions or ideas or what do you think? Karen
I would stop the email where you say you can't give more right now. He already knows all the stuff you do and if not he will probably take it as you complaining rather than explaining.
Did you talk to the mortgage company? Any hope of getting to stay in your house? I know you are going crazy right now but things will become more routine soon. Take a deep breath and keep on going!
kat
Do you think I should send it and stop where you suggest or not send it all? It might just start crap, but I also do need to know when/where he's going to drop off the kids I guess? He's such a major jerk!!!
I need to call the mortgage company and will try to today. (We're waiting for a call from S15's teacher now for an oral exam or I'd do it now). Don't think it will work out, but at least I'll have tried.
What got him wanting to do this halfway stuff anyhow? Is he getting tired of driving to get his kids? That I believe is called consequences. If you can't do it right now you can't. His choices are making you move as well. Have you even found a place?
Hugs. kat
No, I'm looking for a cheap place but safe and apparently those 2 don't exist around here!!! Had the afterschool program today and volunteered at the Food Bank they have also with the kids. Then home to finish packing up the kids. H didn't grab their jackets so I ran them out to them with a minute to spare before rehearsal.
Had so much fun tonight. Saw old friends and made some new ones. Theatre people are the best! Met the stage manager tonight and he has 5 kids, and he is on his 2nd marriage--his 1st wife cheated on him. Weird how I meet so many people who seem so happy with their 2nd spouses after going through the same stuff we are. Makes me hopeful!
He gave me his card to call if I ever need to talk! Isn't that sweet??? Karen
I just got back from the movies with a girlfriend. Went to see "he's just not into you". It was good but yeah the infidelity sequence was hard to watch. I vented to my friend about the whole situation. Just the new stuff, she has heard the other stuff before.
But at the end, I said it really isn't about him anymore. It is about me and the kids.
Kids all went to FMIL for an early birthday and skank was there. S16 explained to both of them why he doesn't like the situation was about to explain ex's past to her when ex cut him off. Guess he doesn't want miss wonderful to know that he is a serial cheater!. Sorry for the hijack.
kat
Karen glad you got out, sounds like you had some fun. I think its really nice of you to even consider meeting him 1/2 way when it was his choice to move elsewhere. Do only what you can do comfortably and let him figure out the rest. YPs and MPs. Your Problems and My Problems....don't let Hs(YP) become your(MP). I preach this to my kids and friends. I think anyone that has been through what the people on these boards (infidelity, etc...) have, they are much more careful the 2nd time around.
Kat shes a skank and gets what she deserves. I bet it was akward!
Kids all went to FMIL for an early birthday and skank was there. S16 explained to both of them why he doesn't like the situation was about to explain ex's past to her when ex cut him off. Guess he doesn't want miss wonderful to know that he is a serial cheater!.
kat
Your kids are so awesome!!! Wish I could have been there!
First day on the "doorhanging" job today. I walked for 4 hours straight this am!!! And there are tons of steps and hills in my town, so I am feeling muscles right now I didn't know were there. And I have to do it again tomorrow so hopefully will be recovered at least partially by then. This will get me in shape if I can survive it!!!
My L's office called me 5 minutes into my new job. H's L filed a motion trying to get the judge to order educational & psych testing on the kids so the assessor can evaluate whether public school would be a good placement for them. I've talked to 2 testers they've set up now and they both said they can't do that; they just evaluate where the child is but can't recommend what kind of schooling would be appropriate vs. another. My H had said once that homeschooling should have cured them by now, as if any kind of school can cure autism and dyslexia. I don't thinking hsing or public school can do that!!! So I have to talk to the psych and confirm what she said and my L will have her testify she says. I'm so sick of this legal stuff!!! Karen
Karen,
You are correct that the psych examiners will only identify handicapping conditions and academic levels and not recommend educational settings. There is a phrase in the report that always says, "In the opinion of this examiner, test results indicate a possible disability in the area of.... Left unaddressed, failure in the school setting could become more and more pervasive. Therefore, appropriate remedial intervention is suggestedd by the most comprehensive methods available, while in the least restrictive setting possible.
Here is the part you will want to pay attention to---
Final determination of a Primary Disability and the programming services this student may receive are the responsibility of the Evaluaion Committee (in a public school setting this often includes, but not limited to, parents, regular ed teacher, special ed teacher, counselor, principal, and special education supervisor.The psychological examiner does not attend these meetings, they only submit their reports). It is recommended that the committee review test results, educational history, medical history, and social history of this student before making a final decision.
I hope this may help you some. Email me or message me on FB if you have any questions that maybe I can help you with. Just let me know if you leave me message on FB, I don't always check it.
Karen,
You would have really appreciated the workshops that they just held here for parents with AS children and ASD children. Coaching sessions for working with schools and other agency officials, for creating and developing IEP's and other measures. (I wish I could have gone myself, but work got in the way this year.) I don't know about where you're at but some states and some school districts really do have a lot of great resources, even for support of public education of these kids.
NC, yeah, FL doesn't tend to be a good public school place at least around my area although I know it's better in some cities, I'm thinking b/c we don't have a state income tax. They do have a charter school for AS kids in south FL and if I have to put the kids into public school, court-ordered, I would prob. try to put them there. They don't have special ed here in our area, at least not when we tried to get it for S15, suggested I tutor him most of his subjects and get private help (Lindamood-Bell) and lately the paper every day says they've had huge budget cuts in the ps system which is a shame.
I've got blisters on my blisters today. I did another 4 hours of walking yesterday and I'm toast. I keep myself motivated by thinking about how I'm getting in shape and the paycheck, and the weather has been gorgeous the last 2 days. I get a break today, and I think I really need one.
Kids are in Daytona for Bike Week with H, and they're going to get back sometime Sunday. I miss them, but I've been so tired, I'm hoping my energy comes back by then!!! I actually have been checking out places around town as I work, there are some cute little houses if I can get one, and I'm going to call the mortgage company today and see what they say. So cross your fingers or say a prayer or something. Thanks!!! Karen
Fingers crossed and prayers being said as we speak!
kat
Who takes their kids to Bike Week?? When I think of Bike Week, I think of comely biker babes flashing their melons at the "produce stands" along Hwy 40 . . .
Puppy
It's family tradition in H's family. He started going with his dad and brother when he was 7 or 8 and then our kids also. H's dad still meets with them every year. That's our family for ya!!!
Kat, I have a huge favor to ask you. I can't find my cell phone and I've been looking all day!!! Would you mind trying to ring me when you see this? Maybe I'll hear it or something. I used it last night to call the office when I got done and don't know where the heck I put it--was so tired!!!
Never mind. I found it in the car. I never leave it in there but I guess I was really tired yesterday. So now I can call the mortgage company. Fun fun... Karen
Ok, an hour on the phone talking to 3 different people at the mortgage company and getting transferred and then finally disconnected. Guess I could call back Monday... I did find out that my name is on the deed and not the note they say, so I think just H is responsible for the foreclosure/debt according to the woman from the co. Should I still be trying to assume the loan at a lowered payment or just give up and go with a rental? I have zero experience with this kind of stuff so curious what you think... Karen
I would still try to find out what you can do. Wouldn't it be easier staying where you are if you can afford to? Unless of course you are ready for a fresh start all the way around.
I am just trying to replace things as I can to try to get his ghost out of my house. For example I have newer sheets and bedspread that he has never touched or possibly seen. I am going to strip the last bit of wallpaper from the living room and paint that. Maybe this is in line with your thinking?
kat
Yeah, that's exactly why I'd like to stay. The next 2 months with the new job and the play are going to be so busy, and I think I'd have 2 weeks about to move about. I'm so sore I'm limping around right now. And I do love the location here. It's next to the theatre and a block from my church and close to everything else in town. It's an over-100 year old house so it needs a lot of work, but I think S15 and I could do at least some of it. So if they'll actually lower it to where I could pay it, I will prob. try to do that. Karen
OK, I totally screwed up today. The kids got home about 5:30 and H was with them of course. I went outside and said hi to the kids (hadn't seen them in 5 days) and talked a lot to H. More than I've said in the past year. Asked about his dad, and his dad took some pictures of the kids for me which was nice. He grew a beard and I didn't say anything about that. Asked how the kids were, he said mostly good except when they went to his mom's (b/c she doesn't have anything for kids to do and is not very good with kids). I've been dark so well for like a year. Is it bad that I emerged from the darkness? I think I will just go back to NC, but in my defense I hadn't seen the kids in days!!! To some extent, it prob. doesn't matter does it???
Karen
Karen,
I think you were a mother who was excited to see her children that she missed dearly.
I think you are a person who cares about others. His dad was part of your life for several years. How can you turn that off?
You didn't treat him any different than you would a neighbor.
I don't see that you overstepped any boundaries. You didn't ask or make any personal comments. No 2x4's here, my friend.
Hugs, Yoyo
Karen,
Where are you? Your new job wearing you out? Check in with us soon!
I attended a Lindamood-Bell reading workshop today and will conclude it tomorrow. This is second one in a month. In January I attended the Seeing Stars workshop. Today I attended the Visualizing and Verbalizing (V/V) program. I liked the V/V program better. If you ever get a chance you should attend the V/V program.
Yep, Did a bunch of errands and volunteer work today. Still have a cold, like the 20th it seems I've gotten this past year! I work tomorrow am. Have rehearsal Thursday night, doing legal stuff (hearing about the homeschooling in 2 weeks) and trying to find a place to move in my "spare" time. And I applied to another job today. So busy.
I just checked my email and H had sent one this afternoon about when/where I would meet him to get the kids tomorrow afternoon at lunchtime. Well I emailed a place right by where I'm going to be working tomorrow, a convenience store, and said I'll meet him there when I get off work and he can drop off the kids there or at our house whichever he prefers. I figure if the kids aren't there I can still get a cool drink! I said won't have email access tomorrow am, so just leave a vm if he's not going to. He can do whatever. What a creep!
I am feeling just like H on his post tonight. I even had that thought like he's the father of my children. But you know I think I deserve (we all here do!) a good guy: my wish list is Christian, supportive, loving, hopefully a little funny too. H hasn't been any of those things now for at least 2 years, so time to move on... Karen
Well, I found out that when you have laryngitis/flu walking 4 hours is prob. not a good idea. Didn't even think of calling in sick today b/c I've only been on this temp job for a week. The L's office called me today and I got out of going in there b/c of the way I sounded. Got a hearing on getting the kids evaluated on the 23rd. They put in the motion they want the evaluator to determine if public school is a viable option for the kids, and the tester when I talked to her said she can't actually do that. So my L was going to have her testify to that. Seems like a waste of hearing and $$ to me, but I guess that's what Divorce is all about.
H emailed me late yesterday (I got it late last night) that he wants me to pick up the kids, I guess at his apt. I have zero desire to ever see that. Wonder if he'll figure it out. I emailed a place by where I was today and said he could drop off the kids there or at our house whichever he prefered. He calls and leaves a vm for me today to call so I can pick them up somewhere more convenient for him. I called and could barely talk but whispered in this gruff trucker voice I have today that I have laryginitis and can't talk and he can pick up the kids where I suggested (which was closer for him) or the house whichever he prefers and then hung up (I never have done that but couldn't talk and yeah I was poed at his self-absorption. I was feverish and thinking I was going to throw up and pass out and he's upset that I can't pick the kids up at the apt. He's such an ass!
He dropped off the kids and I was there. No how ya feeling or you gonna live or something most of us humans would say to each other. I mean I'm driving his kids around, some concern at least for them would be appreciated!
He emailed me why I didn't pick them up at the apt. I emailed him back explaining I was feeling very sick and just couldn't. Next week if I'm healthy maybe we could work out a halfway point b/w him and me and that would be fair. and said Thanks for understanding! (hah
) I was thinking today could a person actually be this much a jerk, or does he do it to make the D easier or something for him? I mean come on!!! Karen
Sorry you are sick. Get some rest, some soup and a nice warm bath. Just imagine how much fun he would have getting the kids in Kansas!! Ok just a tiny evil streak there.
I would remind him that it was his choice to move so far away, maybe he should move closer so that it is more convenient for him. 1/2 way meeting or not all loser boy!
kat
"Hey, HUSBAND! The JERK store called, and they're all outta YOU!!!
Pompous azz.
Feel better, Kareninthepurpledress.
Puppy
Thanks Kat and Puppy!!! I do feel better. I lay down for an hour before dinner and that helped so much! Hopefully I'll be better soon b/c it's hard with the new job.
I meet with the C tomorrow. It reminds me of Corey's latest "teaser" on her thread. My C calls last week and says we need to meet soon b/c she has to tell me some things that H said when they met 3 weeks ago that she thinks I need to know. In this kind of serious, dramatic voice. I had just met with her the week before which was the week after she met with him and she didn't say anything though! I've been nervous about this all week!!! There, Corey, got you back!!!
Karen
Your atty sounds like a bit of a drama queen.