Second post locked here was my last post from yesterday
Hi - hope everyone is hanging in there..
I guess when I don't feel the need to post every detail maybe I'm getting through the hard days a little easier.. not sure ... I think it is just to exhausting to post all the time.
Thanksgiving was not easy but got through it... H had rough time too ...
Question-
My H asked me to go to lunch thursday to talk... said he hasn't been a good communicator and wanted to cover off schedules etc... (he has to date never asked me to lunch since he left) I asked him what else he wanted to talk about? Was he going to give me D papers... he said NO.... we changed to meet Thursday at 5pm now and having our Nanny stay and watch the girls little late tomorrow.... I'm little nervous..... I know he'll bring up D or selling the house.. who knows..
I'm in this place where I feel I'm obsessing now about H and OW and I haven't done this until recently - last few weeks.. I can't shut my mind off now and I'm having dreams of him.
I feel I could probably never move passed everything he is done but I don't know how to make the pain go away... He is moving so fast with her.... going to her home town last weekend .... still picking her over his kids....
...
Gosh the pain is unreal somedays
second thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1623017&page=2#Post1623017
Hey you figured out the thread thing! Not much to offer other than encouragement for tomorrow. I liked the suggestion from PM in newcomers to think up the worst case scenario and some of the answers to questions you might get. That helps! Good Luck.
LE
{{{Tx}}} Let us know how it goes..I like LE's suggestion about think of any/all worst case scenarios, and, if your mind is like mine, you could probably think of many, and think of how you'll respond so you won't feel so "overwhelmed" or unprepared..
I hope you are doing ok otherwise
Tawnya
Hi TxMom, the DB counselor said to be prepared if H's say they "want to talk", she said bring a notebook, they say write it down which might unnerve H, make no real comments and then MOVE ON. Tell them I hear you and then change subject to kids whatever. The Hs will probably want to obesess about the D because it is all part of the drama but try not to fall into it. I know I had difficulty with this advice but if it happens this is what I am going to try to do because it is totally opposite for what my H would expect.
Also if H brings up D, say to him in a kidding manner "wow what a nice time of year to bring this up or something joking like I know who is getting coal in their stocking" and maybe it will impact H that wow this is pretty lousy to do right now.
The DB counselor said what you want to do is listen to what they say but continue to delay as long as possible. The longer you delay, there might be a change of heart on their part. Also OW will not like if H starts to push off the talk about D.
Keep us posted. You know we are rooting for you.
Also T2L is having problems with her computer and can't log on. Hopefully will be fixed by weeks' end.
hey, found your thread, had lost you for a while. I'll have to catch up later.
just sending hugs
(((TX)))
OK.... here we go - posted same thing on newcomers...
Thursday night talk was emotional and yes tears for both of us... he mentioned that he does think of us and miss all of us.... what is sad and I feel the bottom line is it isn't enough for him to come back... right now... he is in the thick of this OW and frankly someone who can suffer himself but still pick the OW and himself more times than not over seeing his kids (and I go back to this is a man who would have rather been home with the family than "guy" time most the time) I dont' think I want him back. I think this is says something about his character that you can't change...
So this weekend was the first weekend I asked him to watch the girls both nights (knowing I'd see them yesterday for 5 hours due to D4 bday party) and both mornings were so hard... so this morning I call D4 while talking to her we both saying we miss each other and ILY's - H gets on phone and I just said you don't understand how hard this is for me... he says I know it must be.. we get into convo again as he wants to drop kids off early b/c of Cowboy game and he needs to drop car off at dealership... I tell him I have several hours of stuff to do so I'd call him and let him know. so Thursday he is emotional and sad.. today he is cold and mean... he could care less and I know it's because he has been with the babies all weekend and probably can't wait to get to OW house. He just stated that he is never coming back to our marriage, that he thinks we are two different people, the confrontation or conflicts we had are not changable or fixable.. I told him I never had a fighting chance, that he focuses on all the negatives about our marriage and not looking at any positives....
So I am no good at DBing... but I haven't really wanted to b/c there are somethings I needed to say for myself to heal.. Thursday was good and today was convo I wish we didn't get into. For H to think of himself before his kids is amazing and this is a man who lived with me very unselfish and would do anything to accomodate us and our family before his own needs... but maybe he has snapped and had enough.
New boundries, I packed some of his clothes today and have them by the door, told him I'd like him to get the remaining things out. He will also not be staying at this house while I travel for business anymore.. two kids and dog will have to go to his apt from now on as that is how it would be if and when Divorced.
I will go dark or semi dark.. no more questions (although I've said it before) I almost feel like filing for D myself but told him if this is what he wants he'll have to file. '
I just don't know how I'm going to get through the weekends with out my babies and the co-parenting will be another challenge in and of itself... being without my kids is truely the hardest thing of all of this... so not fair to them.
I almost feel like filing for D myself but told him if this is what he wants he'll have to file.
I don't know what the housing market in Dallas is doing, but if H insists you have to sell the house, what position are you going to be in financially? I know you've mentioned something about a smaller house in a post awhile back with Amy I think. Sit down and work out what you want if D is a reality. It doesn't mean that you want the D, it just forces you to think about the possibilities created with D. Plan for the worst; hope for the best!
TxMom, I too was doing what you were doing, DBing a little and then had my "need to knows". I have gone semi-dark and it is helping my sanity a little bit.
I am going for legal advice on Tuesday. Have you gone yet? We need to be prepared and at least see what will happen. Tx is not the best for D, with no legal seperation and community property. Unless you fight for fault for adultery which might be hard to prove.
I think it is a good idea for the girls/dog to go to his place. More reality checks for H.
I think we are all feeling it with the holidays which make it worse.
yep I've already gone to lawyer.. you can claim Adultery and I have proof, on a text and email, not sure it gets you more but hey I'll try...
I really don't care right now so I hope I can start detaching some and keep this feeling up but I'm sure I'll have my emotional downfalls...
Hope we should connect too and talk off line... go to SuperStar's thread on Infidelity and I gave him a clue on facebook how to connect
Hi Txmom, Iwill look at SS thread and check it out. I have trouble getting into FB because I use my work laptop, but in a couple weeks I will have a new home laptop without all the firewall stuff.
Need to talk offline. thanks.
OK.... here we go - posted same thing on newcomers...
Thursday night talk was emotional and yes tears for both of us... he mentioned that he does think of us and miss all of us.... what is sad and I feel the bottom line is it isn't enough for him to come back... right now... he is in the thick of this OW and frankly someone who can suffer himself but still pick the OW and himself more times than not over seeing his kids (and I go back to this is a man who would have rather been home with the family than "guy" time most the time) I dont' think I want him back. I think this is says something about his character that you can't change...
This is NOT the man that you M and you know this. It does not mean this is really him, it is NOT really him. Right now he has been pulled in with temptation and is fallin into the pit of sin which leads to death and the choices you make can help or break himSo this weekend was the first weekend I asked him to watch the girls both nights (knowing I'd see them yesterday for 5 hours due to D4 bday party) and both mornings were so hard... so this morning I call D4 while talking to her we both saying we miss each other and ILY's - H gets on phone and I just said you don't understand how hard this is for me... he says I know it must be.. we get into convo again as he wants to drop kids off early b/c of Cowboy game and he needs to drop car off at dealership... I tell him I have several hours of stuff to do so I'd call him and let him know. so Thursday he is emotional and sad.. today he is cold and mean... he could care less and I know it's because he has been with the babies all weekend and probably can't wait to get to OW house. He just stated that he is never coming back to our marriage, that he thinks we are two different people, the confrontation or conflicts we had are not changable or fixable.. I told him I never had a fighting chance, that he focuses on all the negatives about our marriage and not looking at any positives....
If you want to save your M, this is definitely not the way to do it. You can not tell him or talk him out of what he is doing, it won't happen. He is too far into this sin, it is like a drug. I know because I've done it myself. He's got to realize for himself what he is doing, and right now he's really emotionally sick. He is so focussed on himself, but when you DB for real, it will allow him to take the focus off himself and start realizing things. ALL of our spouses felt exactly as your H does. And I can tell you at least 3 people I know on here, there H's said the same things, and there Ms are reconciled, including my own. But you do need to be constant and strong and it's not easy. Giving up is the easy thing to do, and I don't want you to give up. If your H was as great of a father as he was, I can't tell you how wonderful he could be after all this is said and done. This could be an eye opening experience for both of you. It doesn't mean to let him walk all over you, no matter which road you choose, you basically need to do the same thing. TAKE CARE OF YOU, and stop worrying about H. Become the best you that you can be, and treat your H as a friend in the process. Show him by your actions how great your life is, because he is where he is because he knows things will never change. YOU SHOW him things CAN change, by your actions, not by your words. words mean nothing. as his own words mean nothing. Just because he says he will never come back, doesn't mean he truly believes this, otherwise he would have filed by now. He is still confused, so use that to your advantage. Start confusing the HECK out of him!!! 
So I am no good at DBing... but I haven't really wanted to b/c there are somethings I needed to say for myself to heal.. Thursday was good and today was convo I wish we didn't get into. For H to think of himself before his kids is amazing and this is a man who lived with me very unselfish and would do anything to accomodate us and our family before his own needs... but maybe he has snapped and had enough.
this is totally correct, and the OW is just another straw that breaks the camels backNew boundries, I packed some of his clothes today and have them by the door, told him I'd like him to get the remaining things out. He will also not be staying at this house while I travel for business anymore.. two kids and dog will have to go to his apt from now on as that is how it would be if and when Divorced.
Now, when you do this, just act like this was his idea and act like your doing him a favor. Don't be mean, don't be ignoring, just talk friendly like he was expecting you to do it like, "hey, I gathered some of your things for you, it's in a couple boxes in the garage, whenever you'd like to pick it up just let me know" I will go dark or semi dark.. no more questions (although I've said it before) I almost feel like filing for D myself but told him if this is what he wants he'll have to file. '
do not file, let him do ALL of that stuffI just don't know how I'm going to get through the weekends with out my babies and the co-parenting will be another challenge in and of itself... being without my kids is truely the hardest thing of all of this... so not fair to them.
you will get thru this. IMHO if you were able to handle it emotionally, I believe that you shouldn't make things happen faster than he's making it. But that is your choice and your boundary to figure out. I allowed my H to stay as long as the contact was outside the house. I told him I didn't want to push him out of their lives sooner than it needed to. The other thought is, if H isn't around you, then that means he's around something else. I wanted to have more influence on my H, and therefore chose to let him be around us as much as he wanted, unless of course I had GALing plans. It is important to not let them think you'd give up everything for them.
ST -
thanks for the input... I agree and I really feel I'm going to do this.. can't say whether it will help my marriage BUT I'm in such a good place this week... I'm on 5 days of peace and happiness, considering it all. Better than I have been the whole time this started. I was little sad yesterday b/c I had 3 hour drive and time to "think" and I'll have that same drive back to Dallas tomorrow from Tulsa so too much time to "think" but it will ok.
H doesn't want to watch the kids both nights because he wants to go to a grand opening resturant one of the nights.. I hate to force it b/c I'll look controling and H started complaining that he feels like the babysitter... isn't that funny!!! But forgets that last two weekends he was out of town with OW... I need to figure out if standing strong on this is worth it... a 180 would be to let it go and just not bring it up ...I have plans Saturday night not Friday night so not that big of deal. He won't notice and hasn't noticed anything I'm doing to accomodate him ... Oh well... I can't wait till New Years Eve comes up ...
I'm just friendly and detached... this week... I'm going to stay strong and keep it up for me.
TxMom--You are doing great! I wish I was in Tulsa, you, me and S.T. could go have a few cold ones! If not making an issue out of it is a 180 and will further your cause, then why not let H have the night off. There will be times when something comes up and you will need to rely on him. Take care.
LE
Here is an update.
I was out of town Wed - back today Friday. as mentioned above H was little perturbed that he had to watch girls both nights this weekend and was short on Thursday night b/c he had plans Saturday night with OW.. I played it cool and didn't force it but said I'd get back to him later that night or this morning about whether to watch girls tonight or not.
Friday morning I call at 8:30am trying to reach D4 to say good morning on way to school... then call at 9am trying to catch H so I could talk to D4 but he didn't answer either time... I left message the second time ..
He texts me
H - your girls are great! Don't want to talk to anybody today
Me - Thx - hope your ok!
H - Nope - I don't care so u shouldn't
I don't respond .. then about 2:30pm he text
H - I can't watch girls tonight - I'm not good
I called - he didn't answer I left VM - that I got his message and that was fine about tonight, that I know he told me not to care but that I do... told him that if I can't get in by 5pm I'd call him back..
My nanny told me that after he came back with D4 after school at noon he either took nap or was in our room for awhile and that he did seem sad or not himself.
I'm glad - it could be a mixture of reasons... Since my friend sent him her email Tuesday he has been litte short or edgy.. maybe he read her letter last night ..... but I know he is with OW tonight .... As ST or PM stated.. when they are sad, guilty, grumpy just know that all is not well in fairytale land with OW or the guilt is getting to him... We didn't have any convo that would have prompted this so I just continued being friendly. At least I know he is struggling some too..
any thoughts let me have it...
TxMom, read the e-mail, it was very good and thoughtful but ABSOLUTELY do not bring up to H. Then H will think it was your idea and it will lose its effectiveness. Zip your lips as they say. I do that with my H some times. I tell him something because it has so much impact on me and all H does is get annoyed. Have stopped this behavior.
As tough as it is for the LBS, I know it is not easy for our WAS for the holiday. I know my oldest D has told me she is not calling her father that day because he should be with them. When H is with OW -- it is not their family, kids etc. I know my H will probably spend the day depressed and drunk. Nothing I can do.
Keep in touch.
Hey, TxMom! I just wanted to stop in and let you know that reading about your journey has really helped me alot in terms of thinking about mine. I really feel for you, and I think you're doing a great job.
I too struggle with the difficulty of dealing with a man that used to be so selfless and loving - a family man, a friend, and someone that would rather stay home than go out with friends. Heck, he barely had any friends. And now, like you, I am dealing with a selfish, distant guy that parties with his unethical coworkers every night, has his bachelor pad, and is all me, me, me. It really hurts, and it does make one question if it's even worth bothering.
We love the men we knew, not the men we're dealing with now.
That being said, I think you've gotten a lot of excellent advice. Lord knows I am not wise enough to add to it, but I will pray for you and trust that God will provide only the best for you regardless of the outcome.
Have a wonderful weekend and God bless,
~Nas
Hello all - I posted a long post on Newcomers.. I'll copy and paste maybe tomorrow or go there and give me your thoughts...
thanks
TxMom, how are you doing? This is the crazy season, and you have to be extra strong for yourself. You can do this. Don't panic and if in doubt, DO NOTHING. Thinking of you.
PM - thanks for checking on me...
I've done sooo good the past couple of weeks and this weekend started the sadness and anger .... I know it is amplified by the holiday's but I can't shake it...
My H doesn't call for almost 3 days over the weekend and then calls late last night tell D4 he wants to take her to lunch today, Monday, said he'll call in the morning. He calls today at 11am leaves message that our D4 mentioned lunch to him ( is his mind that bad.. he brought it up to her not the other way around) and told me he could do it but Tuesday was better for him he was so busy today. He told me to call him and I haven't reached back out to him and not going to. I can't talk to him today nothing positive will come out of my mouth.
We had planned for him to spend some time Christmas Eve and day with us but now I'm not so sure.... How can I fake it... it is so hard and I know you all know. I can't imagine I'll feel better in two days to want to spend time with him.. but I want my D4 to have us together this (maybe) last holiday.
I'm so angry he has done this to our family ....
All I can suggest on the anger is to pray about it. That has been the only thing to help me put it aside. And, you need to put it aside. Not for him, but for you and your babies.
I'll make that my specific prayer for you this week.
Do avoid him until you can control the anger. There's no point in talking to him when you know you might be easily provoked. And, remember (I tend to forget this myself), it is not your job to protect your girls from all his parenting mistakes. You won't always be there to do that, so, don't put that pressure on yourself. He'll make his own way with them...it might not be good, and, he'll pay for his mistakes later.
Hugs and love to you!
Amy
{{TxMom}} Amy is right again. Avoid him till you can calm down. If there is a chance, you can even say to him, it's a little difficult to be around you right now, I need some time to myself. Then drop off the girls and do whatever you like.(Why does he get time for himself and you don't?)
Remember, this man is in a fog, he is not acting himself. That's why his words and memory doesn't make sense to you. Accept it. Don't fight it. It's a fight that you won't win. So just accept it.
Like Amy says, you are not responsible for his relationship with his daugther (what my DB coach says also). It's high time he took responsibility for that part of his life. You can't protect your kids from everything in this world. I know we want to but we can't, least of all their father. So just try to distract, distract, distract. Plan good times for you and her, build up YOUR bond stronger so she knows you are there for her 100%. She needs that reassurance now. She will feel that she can count on you no matter what.
Regarding Christmas, if he comes over, that's great. Your daughter will benefit from this. Don't take it away from her. Your H will have mixed feelings of this holiday because he knows he has screwed up and don't really know what to do or how to fix it. Again, if he is unsure of himself, it's a good thing for you because it means he is still undecided. It is only when they are ULTRA happy that you have to be wary of since that means they are in la-la land in love with their fantasy world.
Reality injected into his Christmas is a poison that will affect his A. A good thing. Just look at it that way and your Christmas will be much better. The more calm, at peace and happy you are, the more he will be unsure of his choices. Another good thing. So are you really faking it? No. Don't look at it that way.
You are fighting tooth and nail for your family. You are fighting smart. You are using your intelligence to win back your H. TxMom, I know you can do it, babe. We'll do it together this week. Let me know how you go!
thank you both...
I already feel better tonight and I'm going to make plans how I want the days to happen if H decides to join us then great... if not so be it. I'm glad I didn't call him back b/c I knew I wasn't in a good place... I think I'll be fine tomorrow, or better.
PM we do need to keep checking in this week... I want to see how Christmas goes for you too.
going to bed... back on tomorrow
Hi Txmom
wishing you a peaceful Christmas. We leave tomorrow to see family. Need to get away from the whole situation. It has been such a sad time. Glad I have no opportunity to see H.
My internet use will be limited but you will all be in my prayers. We will get through this.
I think after the New Year will be worse because I know my H wants a D and from the way he is speaking he sounds like he has already spoke to a L. He is totally into this OW and think she is the answer to his life. One day at a time. Time to make some difficult decisions.
God bless.
{{TxMom}}
I don't know if you have noticed but I want to point this out to you.
When you first came on this BB, each triggering event took you days, even a week for you to recover.
NOW, you take a day, half a day to recover.
Aren't you proud of yourself, of the progress you have made?
You are getting stronger everyday.Merry Christmas!
PM - great observation.... I have noticed as well that I bounce back much quicker than usual...
My H is coming over tomorrow Christmas eve we are going to Church, then dinner, then going to drive by and look at Christmas lights... and I guess Christmas day he'll be over too... My brohter is joining us so first time my H will be around someone in my family... interesting.. I might need a shot of booze before church
touch base soon
TxMom--It sounds so wrong with all this chaos to say "Merry Christmas," but thinking of you and your girls. Continue to be strong for them. Peace.
LE
Hi TxMom, how are you holding up?
Hey TxMom,
You sitch is not much different than my was with my W. She said almost the same things your H said and meant it at the time but after a couple of months ended up doing a 180 (it was not all puppies and rainbows though, she left again for the OM 6 months later then is back again after another month and dumping the OM for good, supposedly…). It takes some time for them to get past the negative thinking stage about your M but they will get there. I think it’s best to go as dark as you can so he has time to really miss you and for the honeymoon stage from the OW to run it’s course. I learn that if they come back and they still have feeling for the OP then they can easily relapse like mine did.
Relationships from affairs have about a 97% failure rate for the first 2 years. This is because the foundation is based on cheating and lies, it’s a rebound relationship, and at least one party is a known cheater (or else it wouldn’t be an affair) so there will always some trust issues. Then there’s the sacrifice that was made to be in the relationship that ends up being no better that the old one so resentment for the OP ends up becoming an issue. The WAS first blames their W/H for all their problems and sees the OP as their savoir. Once they are with the OP and the W/H is out of the picture they notice their life still sucks (and there’s guilt) so they then start to blame the OP for all their problems. They rarely understand that it’s THEY the WAS that is the source of their own problems.
For you, I'd say go dark as much as you can, when you do have to talk to the H act happy like your life is great (this will really get him since he’s struggling right now) and “as if” you are 100% content with how things are right now. Do not get into any fights with him over anything and go out with friends when you can. If he thinks you are going out with guys or that guys are wanting to date you then all the better. He needs to realize he can lose you for good which he doesn’t right now. You are a security net for him and you need to take that away so he can really think about his choices. Always be nice but don’t go out of your way to help him.
You are doing good and don’t be surprised if one day down the road he’s begging you to take him back. That day is usually the day you get over them for good and don’t want them. Some people only learn their lessons the hard way.
LE and PM.... thanks to you and MERRY CHRISTMAS ...
I survived.... H spent Christmas Eve and all day Christmas with us ( of course b/c OW was out of town so he had no where to go)
Christmas Eve was nice and actually had a good time laughing etc.... my brother joined us and it was fine. In church when you give thanks and peace to others he leaned over and kissed me (he was going to kiss my lips but I turned my face to kiss the cheek.. we smiled) little awkward.. he was being sweet to me, looking at me alot, patting my back when I was coughing just like good ol times.
Christmas day was fine .... we played tennis in the after noon and had a good time (something we use to do alot) while our girl played with her new toys at the park.. Later that night we drove to look at this neighborhood chritmas lights and he mentioned an old friend was in town this past week and he got together with him... I said I guess you shared with him our situation... H said "yeah I told him" I asked" what do you tell people" he said not much but that this guy straight out asked if there was someone else.... my H said yes ... my H wouldn't elaborate.. he said most people don't say much and some guys will ask if there is someone else...
I am positive that right now there is nothing I can say or do that will snap my H back to reality... it will have to happen on his own time.. the guilt or pain has to be too much for him .... he does not want to look at himself... My goal at being nice and "as if" is to not give him any more of a reason to justify why he left or give him another reason to Divorce me.
He saw another lawyer a week ago I saw it on our charge account so I'm guessing I'll get filed here in another couple of weeks. I still can't believe that this is happening.... that this man walked out of our lives without an ounce of effort to work on our marriage. When will I get to the place where I want the Divorce and where I'm OK with this path my life is going.... I am stronger now b/c I have grown with my faith and know God is watching out for me but when I saw the lawyer charge my heart skipped a beat... I was surprise how that effected me and made me so sad. I think my H wants the D so he can quit saying he is separated and living in sin. what a joke.
Overall, the holiday was good and I'm glad I pulled it off for my kids to enjoy and left my H with good feelings about it.
I will check up on all of you through the weekend...
Rob - thanks so much for your post... Have you posted a thread and if so where so I can read your story... I really need sucesses right now.
As I mentioned my H is probably going to file here soon so not sure how much time I have. Sad thing is I know for a fact in my heart any problems we had in our marriage was completely fixable.
I also agree with what you said how the OP ends up being the object of there problems eventually. I often wonder how my H can even look at OW ... knowing that she did this to his family .... but my H honestly thinks or tells himself that we would have ended up Divorced eventually... that he was that unhappy... wouldn't I have been able to tell if my H was really that unhappy???
Rob - fill me in more on your story.. how long was your wife out? how long did the affair go on and did she think she loved the OM?? love to know more...
TxMom, it's always the surprises that get me. Like the lawyer charge or the weekends away all of a sudden. We all need stability right now is this awful situation and every surprise is like a punch in the stomach. You will need a couple of days to recover but believe me, you will recover. So just keep your cool, don't think about it too much. If he brings it up just agree with him and catch him off guard. As in, "yes, you are absolutely right, we should get a D. That is the best for us." Then in actuality stall, stall, stall.
I'm feeling little weird today... NYE I guess... having some friends and neighbors over tonight at my house ... should be nice to spend a few hours with friends....
I am having my first DB coach session Friday with Jodi at 5pm... I figured I'd give this one last shot as I H talked about filing in January.. also I think filing and him getting into the D role might help things for him....
still can't believe this is really all happening somedays ... I pray to God to help me stop hoping and start detaching if that is what is meant to be. I need and want to be OK with Divorcing him and I want to want it but I'm not anywhere near that yet....
Happy New Year all
TX Mom {{{{hugs}}}}
Well we made it through the holidays. My girls had a tough time when we were back east to visit. They really felt the void without their father. It was tough on Christmas Eve, it was like ghost of Christmas past. I expected H to be around every corner.
I am glad that your girls enjoyed the holiday with their father.
How did you do on New Year's. Mine was really sad. My oldest D took meto the casino. My H has been in Las vegas this week with the Ow. I think he too is going to serve me with D. I am very sad and discouraged. Between the OW, drinking and spending money like crazy I don't know what to do.
I am praying and trying to keep the faith. I hope that our Hs have an awakening in the future. As you know in Tx a divorce could be done in as little as 2 months. I am going to try and slow this process down if it comes to it because I worry my H will jump into another M with the OW. I know the OW really wants to get her hooks into him because she gave up a 4 year relationship with her BF. I worry about the future.
Take care. Let me know how your new year went
{{{Tx}}}} Just checking in and seeing how you are doing..hope your weekend is going okay.
How did your DB coaching go?
Tawnya
Thanks for checking on me! Hope '09 is great for all of us.
Hey TXMOM, I just wanted to jump back on read your thread, and have seen some of Hope333's posts also and well looks like we are all in the same boat, want to take a cruise somewhere nice? H has told his p's yesterday he is filing and we are going to rent out our house or try to figure out what's best as that is concerned and he's going to see a divorce lawyer. I told him per my DB coach that we can divorce at any time, lets just separate and deal with the house and then maybe he can file. He says it sounds like you are still holding out.
In any case - I have been praying for you Hope, and T2L, oh and a new prayer partner Dixie. I am trying to hold on to faith but I have not heard a word in a while from God and think maybe the promise I thought I heard was my mind and not God. Ever feel that way?
I pray for our salvation, today, tomorrow and always.
Hugs girls we will make it - you have to, you have wonderful children who need you.
I don't think, as a christian, we should ever be okay with divorcing, because it says, let no one break what God has brought together. Divorce is not what is suppose to happen, but sometimes sin enters in, and since we cannot control anyone but ourselves, well, that is why life can be hard.
but my H honestly thinks or tells himself that we would have ended up Divorced eventually... that he was that unhappy... wouldn't I have been able to tell if my H was really that unhappy???
this I actually disagree with. yes, I do believe you knew your H, but really knowing if he was unhappy, well, sometimes the unhappy person doesn't even realize...until the think they've realized true happiness. and that, is usually a mirage. That is why that D's usually involve an A.
I didn't realize how unhappy I was until my H threw the bomb at me, and I was able to look at our sitch with open eyes.
sorry I've been gone, it's easy for me to lose threads.
Jen... God definitely gave you the promise of a saved M. He did not bind you together just for it to be broken. Keep your faith. the faith of a mustard seed can move mountains, Jesus said, and your mountain CAN be moved.
I agree with ST..we HAVE to hold onto the promise of God, tho our spouses have a free will, but we have NO idea what God is doing in them and US actually thru all of this..
I HAVE to hold onto the fact that I still believe our marriage is going to survive and be amazing on the other side, even tho right now my hub's goal is to be moving out of our house by the end of this month..
{{{TX}}}}
Tawnya
Ladies,,
thanks for stopping by... I've been on and off lately... just can't find the time to jump on as much. ST (Crissy) I agree but I do feel that I need to start detaching more and leave the window cracked so to speak.
I am in a tough situation with Texas not having legal separation I feel I'm pinched financially with all the spending my H is doing and him not really feeling the affects of this seperation when he doesn't have to pay one bill. I have prayed and thought it over and had many good Christain friends share with me that I need to still keep the faith BUT I have to protect myself and my girls b/c my H is not looking out for our best interest. I know he will file this month and I'm just tossing up if I'm going to file first now ( I never thought I would until lately) I'm the only one caring about him in this whole mess and he could up and take money, remove me from insurance, and take OW on trips (all things he won't be able to do when you file.. it freezes all assests) I wish Tx had legal separation.. sucks. and I want to stall, stall, stall.
I also, believe that God has it all mapped out anyway as many of my fellow Christains have said. Doesn't he already know how this is going to end up so even if I file our my H does we can always stop it. I feel in my heart that my H will want to come home but I am now less certain that it will be anytime soon.... his affair has to run it's course and I do feel that a Divorce could be enough pressure to break them...
I talked to DB coach on Friday... it went better than thought. I'm going to work hard on my changes. It can't hurt right.
I'm torn and I will continue to pray about it...
{{{hugs}}}} tx mom, I just posted on my sitch. Stop over and read. Feel we are in he same boat. My H is spending like crazy, drinking (but has no problem) and the list goes on.
He wants a D. I saw 2 L and will see a third this week. Your right we need to protect ourselves financially. Yes we love them, we pray for them to restore their souls and hearts to us under God's plan. But we do have to protect our families.
I think our Hs know that they can rack up the credit card debt and figure we are 1/2 responsibile. I have been looking at his charges and have made copies so if it goes to court I can show the reckless spending on the OW (vegas, SA, mexico all in a 2 month period, while we are trying to watch our bills.
Texas Divorce is pretty bad with the community property so you need to claim fault to cover yourself.
If it comes to D, we cannot stop it but I have read other sitch where D were final and the reconcillation came after.
God has a plan and someone told me that we are where we are supposed to be right now even if we don't agree.
Continue to pray for each other.
yes, definitely protect yourself. that is really bad that there is no separation laws. can lawyers do anything else?
TxMom--Hope life is good in TX. Not much new for me. Thinking of you and all the other good people on here. Looks like we are moving forward together!
I finally figured out how to add you all to my watch topics so I spend less time looking for everyone... Time is not my friend these days and I seem to have no time lately to get on DB and post or read.
LE and ST thanks for checking in... I need to catch up this week on you guys too. Not much new here... I've been holding on pretty good lately and have my January packed full of fun it seems - almost every weekend which is good ... and two weekends in Feb - a Cancun trip with friends and going out of town to visit freinds in Feb too with my girls. So my GAL'ing is good.. My H and I started switching the kids every other weekend now and I travel this week for work so he'll start taking the kids and dog to his one bedroom place during the week too... this should be fun.
I had a couple of bad days last week which surprised me... since I haven't been traveling for work I haven't talked to my H much and he doesn't call to talk to girls either.. today will be 4 days he hasn't called if he doesnt call tonight. amazing to me and my pain for this will never go away.
I saw another Lawyer and I feel to protect me and girls that I might file first .. there are some advantages to this here in Tx. But I'll talk to H first. I'm having some real fear and anxiety about having to support my girls by myself as the money I'll get won't cut it. Also if I can't stay in our house that is a whole other situation that overwhelms me.... My H and I worked so hard to have good financial stabilty and it could possibly be all taken away thru this divorce which scares me.
that is all for now..
{{{Tx}}}} I feel the same way you do, I was thinking how decently well hub and I really had just gotten to financially and now to cut it in half is really just stinky! I also feel like you this past week I have been debating whether to push for the sep agreement vs having hub do the work on that and it's really been stressing me..so I've decided to table it for myself at least for a few days
AS for your GAL'ing..CANCUN..how much fun is that??? That is awesome
Tawnya
TxMom, Cancun...what a great idea. I think the D law in Texas is the pits. We were the same way...financially stable if not great. After the D who knows.
{{{{tx mom}}}}
Your so right about D in Tx. It stinks. Part of my problem is that H NEVER took care of the finances and really has no clue to has what impact this will have on both of us.
The OW is really pushing H about this D. He is walking around with $$ in his eyes thinking about him getting a cash settlement from our 401K etc. He will just blow it all. It burns me how hard we worked for what we had and giving it to OW.
TxMom, does your H realize how bad everything will be for him Financially or does he just "not get it". Pretty sad.
take care.
thanks guys for stopping by..
No my H does not know what will hit him.. I do all the finances too for our family so I think it will be a shock when he can't afford the condo or house he wants and can't go on trips with out paying for it in credit cards... nice huh.
I will not be that wife that sit around separated for year or more just because... if he doesn't file this month I will in Feb b/c I do want the finances split up so I don't have to do it for him anymore.. we'll see. I have to keep praying that God will take care of me and girls financially.
hugs
{{{Tx}}} Yep..that's what I finally had to come to the conclusion that God will totally make sure we are taken care of!!
Hope your day is okay today my friend
Tawnya
TxMom, we are survivors but not the way we should have to live our lives because they "made a different choice".
Went to Atty, going to delay the process somewhat. Wait till D papers are served by sheriff, gives 20 days and move on from there, mediation - discovery - anything. In the meantime see if the A burns out.
If they last after all this -- then they deserve each other but I still do not see it lasting.
TxMom we all have to set our limits of what we can handle. I don't know how long I will last before I put down the rope. Just having a tough time imagining the rest of my life without my H. It is so sad and a tragedy that this has happened to us and our society with all these throwaway M.
hope you make a good weekend
journeling....
My H just left after getting my babies for the weekend... I don't know how I'm going to do this, possibly forever, I cry everytime they leave... this isn't right and my H honestly thinks he has done nothing wrong... he made a comment tonight that he hasn't done anything to our girls... I just laughed and said "wow you really are in denial - your funny" what a joke...
I don't even want someone like this back in my life... honestly, depression or not talking, for someone to be so oblivious to what he has done is crazy.... he would probably come back and it would be just as easy to do it again down the road....
I just want to stop caring, I want to stop hurting over my girls, and I want to feel in my heart that we are done... just like he has.. I want to be numb and not feel the pain but I don't know how ... when it comes to my kids I honestly don't know how it will ever get better passing them off every other weekend... not what I wanted for me or them....
Hi Txmom {{{hugs}}} sorry you are having a tough night. I know the weekends hit me bad also. All I do is imagine my H out and about with Ow living this different life.
Wouldn't it be easier just to harden our hearts like they have.
I will tell you I am sure your H is not having it easy also, trying to take care of his children and babysitting for a 25 year old also. You know she does not want to "share" with your children for your H's attention. It will get old for her pretty quick. Think back to when you were 25 -- would you want to be tied down to some older guy with kids? It will lose the appeal for her. I bet she will hang around till after Valentine's Day and then dump him. (remember when we had to have a date for the New Year and V. Day?)
You are a bright, smart, beautiful woman. Don't ever forget it.
{{{Tx}}} I hate that you were having a bad night last night and I hope you have something fun to do for YOU this weekend to help ease the pain a bit
I don't know, as much as we may WISH we had hard hearts like our spouses, I'm kinda glad that we don't, I don't want to be that uncaring..you know..
But it would be GREAT to not be so painful
Tawnya
I will tell you I am sure your H is not having it easy also, trying to take care of his children and babysitting for a 25 year old also. You know she does not want to "share" with your children for your H's attention. It will get old for her pretty quick. Think back to when you were 25 -- would you want to be tied down to some older guy with kids?
I think so, too. I wouldn't have even thought for one second for dating an "old" guy with kids when I was that age!!! It's when that R will disintegrate, not a matter of if I think. Karen
I'm sorry how you feel. You just have to stop focusing on the negatives, they will only bring you further down. Yes your kids have/will suffer, but we all suffer, and suffering can make us stronger. I am a child of divorce, and although I would have liked my parents to have stayed together, but I have gotten thru my life and I'm very proud where I am, and I do have a good R with my dad.
Your kids will be okay, as long as you learn from this and don't let this sitch drag you under.
Focus on your faith, your love for yourself, your love for your kids, Galing, all that. focus on the positives.
TxMom, how did you and the girls do this weekend?
thanks everyone... the weekend was ok... also hard for me.
my anniversary was Monday and my H was going to watch the kids and 3 texts and phone that evening I never heard from him. I knew that meant he was struggling. I talked to him Tuesday evening and he said that Monday was a hard day for him, he was with OW so couldn't talk much, but he would send me an email and we'd talk about it.
I'm traveling on business and he has girls and last night when we talked I asked if he was still sending me an email or if he wanted to talk now. (remember I didn't ask him to send an email or talk about anything .. he offered)
He just said that he didn't think our anniversary day would affect him, that he couldn't eat all day, that he felt overwhelmed by what he has done and how he has handled everything. That he was sorry for everything.. that there is no way we could ever have a marriage again with everything that has happened and that he has broken the trust. He said he is willing and wanting to get together with me to just talk in person.. maybe Friday... I still asked him for an email as my H is struggling making since of his feelings.. he couldn't even find words for it...
I'll have to get back later as I've run out of time and have to go to a meeting..... more later
Hi {{TxMom}}. Thanks for sharing your conversation with your H. What I hear from that conversation is that your H doesn't see how his infidelity could be 'undone', that is why he doesn't see a future for your M. He feels that he screwed up majorly and he has broken the trust that was the foundation of your M.
He is flip-flopping.
Now, {{TxMom}}, that is a good sign.
Don't believe me? My DB coach said that any emotion from H is good. The worst thing is indifference.
Is your H getting any counselling? My IC said that most men can't get over the fact that they have been unfaithful and that will cause them to give up on the M. Now, you can try to convince them otherwise but it might take a third party to convince them that infidelity is not the end of the road, that a lot of women can get over that if a recommitment is sincere.
You H has forced himself into a corner. He has taken up with another woman and is now thinking to himself that he has broken your M, that is no way back. Easier just to start with another woman and start afresh.
What he doesn't realize is that he is taking his issues, his baggage into the next relationship. Only now he has more baggage, i.e. financial problems, time with kids, single parenthood, a heavy, guilty conscience and you to deal with. His new R will be under a lot of strain. It might feel good to him during the 'honeymoon' period but after the infatuation dies down, he will feel worse than when he was with you.
Does that make sense?
So honey, hang in there. Let him declare to the world that your M won't work. Let all these comments roll off your back. Validate his feelings by telling him that you hear what he said. In your mind, you don't have to agree with him, OK? You just let him talk, validate his feelings. HIS FEELINGS will CHANGE, it will flip-flop. He once loved you, now not so much. So everything can change. It doesn't mean it won't change in the future. Don't take everything he says as gospel! We put our H on a pedestal. Don't do that anymore. He is a regular person, he can be wrong.
Your H will try his best to convince you that his feelings has changed forever. He will tell you that he doesn't see it working in the future. Why is he so vocal about it? Because he knows he is flip-flopping and he WANTS TO CONVINCE HIMSELF.
He wants to tell himself that he is doing THE RIGHT THING. People have a very strong strong to be right. People also have a strong desire to be seen as the GOOD GUY. Combine both of these together and you will understand why your H is acting the way he is. He is trying to convince you and himself that his choice to leave you is the best thing for both of you. That is why he wants to 'talk things through'.
So let him talk. Don't disagree with him, though. Validate, validate, validate. Your job now is not to convince him that his decision is wrong. THAT IS NOT DB. Your job now is to CONNECT WITH HIM.
He is not going to listen to logic. However, he will feel a connection if you try to bond. OK?
PM, I loved the advice you gave TX Mom. Your H is nuts to leave you!
Thanks Hope.
I know he's nuts. That's the whole problem, isn't it? They are not in their right mind!
That fog is thick as pea soup these days!
TX, that is a great positive convo from your H. Remember, don't push anything from him, let him do this on his speed. I'm glad the anniversary date made him sick. Now that he has some feeling in connection to what he did, it's made his eyes open a little bit.
You are on my mind and in my prayers still. I hope your H is seeing what he is giving up. You are a great person and deserve a marriage that is worthy of you. Keep your chin up!
As a man, I (respectfully) disagree with PM.
It sounds more to me he is seeking some modicum of forgiveness, and to a very small extent your approval. I know what you are all thinking..."APPROVAL, ARE YOU INSANE?"
It's what men do...we seek approval from our women. We feed on it, and he sounds like he is more in withdrawal from that than anything else. Approval from a 25 year old girl is easy. Hell, she is probably happy with Taco Bell. Where is the challenge? Minimal effort results in minimal rewards.
Now, approval from the successful business woman who married him and bore him two children...that would go a long way in making him feel good.
Now that he has some feeling in connection to what he did, it's made his eyes open a little bit.
You must be new here!
(Kidding)
Expecting anything from the fogged but more of the same is like expecting to win the lottery. Sure..it COULD happen, but...
Thanks all for your feedback...
I agree a little with all of you.
PM - I agree that I was happy to see our anniversary had an impact and he felt ok to share some of it with me. When I said I struggled that evening he said he was struggling too.... AND I do agree with your IC.. I can definitely see that my H would expect there to be no way back to this marriage with all he has done... and even if he ever thought he'd want to come back I feel he struggles with "how could we even make it work again" ... a good friend of ours said the same thing... that I'm a strong women and that my H would probably assume I wouldn't take him back and second if I did that it would be a living H@ll or we could never be able to make it good again so he'll probably keep on doing the same...
We talked that night for an hour.. the next day when I got back from my trip he was being nice and warm and not wanting to leave right when I walked in.. helped feed the girls with me... hugged me when he left.
I also agree with Superstar that my H probably is telling me his feelings to seek forgiveness or to make himself feel better for his own forgiveness or to reduce his guilt.. either way I'll never know.
All of our spouses create their own reality, they have to for survival... if they tell themselves enough BS they will start believing it and living it...
thanks again for all the support .... I've been a bad DB'er and haven't had time barely to get on and respond although I have read most of your threads...
{{{Tx}}} I think you hit it on the head when you said the WAS's create their own reality, tell themselves their BS so much that they actually believe it..but to the rest of the world it looks so ridiculous that they can't even believe it..it's amazing stuff that fog isn't it?
I hope you are doing well this evening!!
Tawnya
hope it's not too awful cold down there, it definitely is here! hope your week is a good one
Hey TxMom, How are you doing? How are you feeling nowadays? Coping well?
Superstar, I totally agree with you regarding men needing approval from the women in their lives. I have recently learn this from reading. Thanks for the confirmation. I know it's crazy that they wreck all this havoc and now seeks approval!! WTH? So what is TXMom or I or other females out there supposed to do? Give them approval to screw around on us? Say it's OK when it's not and hope they come back because we give them approval? Or stand up to them and say 'No way' and really screw up any future chances because now our men feel more rejected than ever? From you male point of view, are there any other options you care to share with us??
TxMom, are you working hard so just feeling low and not posting? Keep in touch so we can listen. Vent here :-)
thanks guys,,,,
I have been busy and needing the break from my "crisis" and talking about it all the time... I have turned another chapter and I feel that this marriage is over ... don't get me wrong I love and miss my husband but I just feel in my heart that this is not going to get better...the door is cracked. But maybe I'm just really detaching, and feeling good about it. I can see a glimmer of light and hope that I'll be just fine without him.
H has the girls this weekend and his Mom is coming to town... I'm going to dinner with him and girls tomorrow and will probably see his Mom Sunday for lunch or church (she hasn't been up since my youngest baptism at 3months old) ... I've just decided that I don't want to be without my girls all weekend when it is not my weekend so I asked if H was ok with us getting together at some point and he said yes.
No D filed yet but I'm sure he will this month.... good news is OW must not be pushing him for D...
I will stop by this weekend and check on everyone else... hope all is well.
Hey Txmom, glad you checked in. You do sound so much stronger then when we started this. See how it plays out and see how you feel. The good news is that he has not served you yet. I got served on Monday. Not what I want but I am dealing. Need to make final decision on atty. give me a call or e-mail. Praying for your family
Hello everyone.. I'm only on once or twice a week now so sorry for not checking in as often ....
Well my H filed for Divorce last week, Feb 10th ... I haven't gotten served or any paper work from him yet. I'm actually ok with it.... I'm more fearful where me and my baby girls will live... and how financially I'll end up. We just bought our house little over year ago so no equity in a horrible housing market. Nice
I don't know my H anymore, he continues to surprise me with his actions... I am done with him and this marriage.. not sure I even have the door cracked ... today, at least, I don't. I think by the time this D is final and if we have to move and lose all our money we put into our house I will be working on all the anger and hate that I will have for him for financially ruining me... but one day at a time right...
I know I will still have a lot of pain trying to get through this.. still can't believe this is happening at times.. can't believe he seems so OK with all of it and that he is not having any pain.... so selfish
I have so much anger and hate right now I don't know how to rid it out of my body.... it is toxic and I hate feeling this way..
more updates to come
Hey, TxMom, we all get those days. Some days I love my H and want him back, the next I am filled with venom and want him out of my life. It's frustrating to go back and forth, I guess that's what they mean by roller coaster. I know you have your hands full with work and the girls, but can you fit in more exercise to keep your endorphins flowing? I know tennis has helped me quit a lot. How about a counsellor, anyone else you can talk to in order to get things off your chest?
Don't think he is not having any pain. He is having tons of pain, he is just trying to escape the pain with Ow, rather than dealing with it. Don't worry, it will catch up to him one day. You, on the other hand, is dealing with it now so you won't have any baggage in the future. If you decide to move onto another R in the future, you would be free to do so, an understanding of yourself and a strong mind and spirit. Your H, on the other hand, would be ridden with guilt, doom himself to escape any problems and just repeat the same patterns with new OW's if he doesn't look inward to solve these issues.
You can't control how he lives his life, it's time for you to put yourself first. Take care.
tx Mom, hugs to you and your girls. You know I am sorry that H is being a fool and leaving you and your little family.
Do you have an atty? I think I might have a name for you if you need it. Since we are in a community property state you need to prove adultery so you can get a fairer share of your assets. H was not fair to you so you need to protect yourself.
I know the anger bubbling up. Right now I am in just a funk state. I don't know why everything is hitting me again. Maybe because I have not been no contact with H, I think it is making me miss my old H. sad.
{{{Tx}}} You know that is more right now what I struggle with than the hub leaving is the financial uncertainty and what we are going to do, my son, daughter, and I. My mom talks about all of the time that is very healthy to be angry and she actually thinks I have not gotten angry enough yet LOL..tho I HAVE had my moments..but I think, knowing you from your posts, you won't stay in that spot..but I hear you and I told my hub when he left the other night that the door is so less open than it was and I dunno if I could go that route..not that it seems to even be an option..who are these aliens who walk around in our spouses' bodies anyway?? LOL
I hope you are doing well and know that I am thinking of you..sorry I haven't posted to you as much as I should!! {{TX}}}
Tawnya
Hello everyone.... boy I have been out of touch.. I do email a few of you individually but haven't been on much in regards to my thread...
Some updates -here you go.. not sure what to think if anything really.
Two or three weeks ago the night before I was leaving for Cancun my H had a break down so to speak.. called me crying and it went something like this.
H - "I'm sorry for hurting you so badly", you didn't deserve it, you didn't do anything to me and you weren't mean to me.. I can't change the past and all the pain and hurt I've cause you and so many people. (he is crying through this) he said he is not looking for forgiveness from me, he isn't telling me this just b/c I'm leaving for Cancun or to make his pain any better. He doesn't know how it happened but it just happened. He said I don't know if we were meant to be together for eternity or not ... we were both crying 40 mins later we hang up.
Next Morning he comes over 6am so I can leave for airport.. he hugs me the biggest bear hug, kisses me, won't let go and is saying he is sorry again... we both kiss on the cheek. When I'm about to leave he is laying with our 4yr old in bed. I lean over to hug and kiss her (lean over him) he puts arm around me and won't let me get up and is rubbing my back etc...
Later that day he text me - saying he wants to coach our D4 soccer team that he won't let her down like he has so many others... then he texts that he is jealous and wishes he was there (meaning Cancun) and ends with "everyone misses you" second time since he left where he is trying to tell me his misses me ( I know him well enough)
Fast forward to last week - My DB coach told me to make sure I acknowledge how the convo above made me feel so he'll feel good about giving it again.. that he thinks he is a screw up and our marriage isn't fixable (he has said this before too) .. So I talk to him last week tell him how much it meant to me for him to open up, call me when he is feeling the pain, and not blaming me or the marriage for what happened. We talked for an hour on so many subjects - too much to put here.. just mentioned that I want him to find his truth in all this... what does he want out of life, "big picture" and I also touched on counseling as he mentioned a few people have told him he should go to individual counseling... I asked him what he is so afraid of? that it can only help him sort through some stuff... my H is ADD and has never been treated and through my DB coach have realized most of our marriage communication breakdown was due to this... I encouraged him to go for this reason alone...
Bottom line - he isn't ready to look at himself ... we talked D stuff and I shared with him that the OW will not be around our babies while they are little and that I hope he just takes some time with making decisions about his future and puts his girls first.. he cried some in regards to our girls. He is a very sentitive man and acknowledge the first 3 months he left are blurry to him and I told him he acted like a crazy man.. that I appreciate him stepping up now with the kids. He mentions numerous times how hard and painful this is for him too ... I finally asked him if this has been so hard for him why does he continue down this path and why he hasn't made any other choices.. he didn't have an answer for this.
One minute I'm done with this marriage and couldn't take him back and next minute I just wish I could say we tried everything for the sake of our girls before we throw in the towel for good... I really believe that if my H was willing to address his ADD and self esteem issues like I"ve address my faults in this marraige we'd have a great marriage and life together.. but I can't make him willing...
He thinks this OW is his answer and that they'll get married ( I know this through her facebook page) he doesn't tell me any of this but I know he wouldn't have just walked out of our marriage without any sign of being unhappy unless he thought this OP was his future... amazing that he could actually marry her - ugh...
He filed for D Feb 10th and nothing has happened since. Today I still want to work on this marriage but know I need to face reality that my H wants a Divorce... so hard to except...
My DB coach says he is breaking down a little now and the regrets will continue to increase if he is already feeling this way now... future is unknown.... I have to take it day by day...
Tx, Good luck. All sounds like great progress. Keep doing what you're doing. Sounds like your H is doing a lot of thinking and feeling. Please try hard to keep being the better option. I think that will be the guiding light at the end of the dark tunnel.
I have to agree. It sounds like he is breaking down some. Hopefully he will start to work on himself some as he sees things getting closer to what he may really not want.
Its good that you are able to cope with this whole thing. That says alot about you.
Hopefully he will come back around for your marriage and yalls daughters.
Kevin
Txmom, thinking of you often. It does sound like you are making some progress. Only you will decide what you want. With your girls so young it would be wonderful to be raised by both parents together.
take care.
TxMom, How are things since he came out with his regrets? Has he had a whiplash and try to convince you that the other day meant nothing?
I think his re-consideration is a HUGE step forward for both of you. You going to Cancun is showing him that you can all have fun without him and get on very well. He is wondering, heck, what am I doing? Why am I missing out on all of this great stuff? Good for you. You've got his head whipped all the way around. He is now looking back, it's up to you what he sees.
Tx Mom, hope all is well. Keep me posted.
Hi, TxMom. Sorry I wasn't there for you when you visited. Is everything OK? How are you doing? Thinking of you often.