Divorcebusting.com
Posted By: Trying2live Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 02:03 AM
Ooops sorry guys. Just noticed we're at 100. Carry on....I hope you all had a good day today.

I am off to GAL gotta salsa class but I'll be back on tonight....

{{hugs}} \:\)
Posted By: TxMomw/2girls Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 02:54 AM
I posted some stuff on my thread b/c yours was locked... now I can't remember what I was going to reply too...

more later
Posted By: faithrunner Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 03:18 AM
Yippee! I missed you girls!

To recap: Hope, you are awesome! That confidence and sexiness you showed H - that's the new, improved you! Your whole exchange could not have been more perfectly executed. It really inspired me. That was a true 180.

All, your confidence was seeping through my computer screen! I think your H doesn't know how to react to your 180's and self-assurance. That's why he snaps and makes no sense when he gets mad. It's shaking his feelings of security in who he thinks you are. That's good, he notices you!

Marisol, I am so sorry you had to see that picture. I ave had those "kicked in the gut" moments and they suck. Like T2L said, let them have their little fog parties. I'm glad you have great plans for Thanksgiving.

I am really proud of everyone. There is real growth here with all of us and that is so good to see. It makes me smile to think about it. It keeps me going. I think about what you guys would tell me to do throughout the day, and it really helps me. Thank you \:\)
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 04:59 AM
Hey everyone,

T2L I was ready to start the stich but figured you are the leader of the pack! Just to let you know the newsletter went out today at work giving the info about turning employees in so the ground work is set! Will keep you posted.

Now my sister wants to call H. She is upset about all of this. I don't even know if H will pick up the phone with all the guilt he has but I am not trying to control it. detach detach.

Faith, we pick each other up when we are down and give kudos on the good days. One day at a time. I am scared that the D talk will come after the New Year but I can't worry about that till then. They are talking about a bill that is going to go through Texas that there will be a 2 year filing period till D goes through. Right now it is 60 days which is nothing. Texas is one of the highest divorce states in the country and they are trying to slow the rate. I wouldn't mind! In that time period it could really clear a MLC fog.

Today H avoided me like the plague! Not surprised after our encounter yesterday. I think I really threw him by my attitude. Wonder if he told OW. I should see him tomorrow at staff meeting and i also have some mail for him. See how he acts. I also have plans on Saturday night to go to a small bacholorette party. Still trying to GAL.

Also just for fun - I found this crazy web site
"make him pay . net (no spaces), all crazy revenge stories including a pay for breakup service (guaranteed to breakup a couple by a year!)...just for fun... take care all
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 05:27 AM
Hope,
Ok girl! During the meeting and interactions do the same thing as last time. NO R or OW mentions. Be sure to be confident, cheerful, find something to laugh about whether its with him or with someone else and leave or end conversation 1st very girly and sweetly and walk away like you are on the fashion runway in Paris!

And hopefully you found something snazzy and flirty to wear and all the while trying to meet and of his top 5 EN per SAA book. Crazy I know. Maybe you should hop on 1 foot, pat your tummy, chew bubble gum and do all the above. LOL And no committing LB's either. OH yeah and MOST important.....NO EXPECTATIONS! This protects you.

You can do this. Keep me posted.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 03:28 PM
Hi everyone,
Well older D called H last night to talk. She was down about Thanksgiving. She got upset first because she could tell H was drinking (no surprise football was on last night). But he was in to the total fog babble. She said he acted like an idiot. She told him that she talked to D15 and they wanted him to come for Thanksgiving and he said it would be uncomfortable if D15 was not talking to him. (no because he really has plans at OW house I am sure). Then she was upset because she said she can't believe he could give up the whole family and what he was never going to talk to anyone again -- grandma, BIL, SIL etc. He said it would be awkward. H said he deserved some happiness in his life and my D said then you are the most selfish man I know and you are acting like a horse's a.. with this OW. H said he was never coming back to me. I felt bad for myself and for her but I said this is what it has been like. She said now I understand what you mean about "the fog" and being addicted to the OW. I just pray that H at some point comes out of it. I was sorry she had to experience this.

It is like watching a train wreck and only blowing a whistle. H knows I have mail for him so I will be curious if he stops by for it, otherwise we have staff meeting today. I am saying nothing about D. Should be interesting.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 04:28 PM
darn staff meeting cancelled today so I won't see H. oh well.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 04:36 PM
Hope,
Awe I'm sorry for Daughter. Yes it's complete fog babble. Mine did the same thing, turned friends against me because he rewrote the marital history, but look who's around all the time, sleeping with his wife. Guess it wasn't so bad after all. I stopped all family and friends from trying to talk reason and be H's conscience because it only pushed him away further in the fog and then he ended up being mad at me because he thought I put them up to it when I never did.

Ignore the fog babble for now. Tell daughter don't talk to him about any of that stuff. She will only get hurt and it will hurt you as well and you need endurance for this. It takes a little for the fog to lift, but the wonderful thing about this is you get to 180.
This is what I have done and I kinda like the changes. H said that I didn't listen to him and one of his EN was conversation, so now when he speaks I listen very intently being sure not to interrupt and watch him very closely as he speaks as well. I figure its a good thing whether or not reconciliation happens or not.

Dump off all the fog he spewed and focus. Be sweet, confident, laugh, and kick butt just like you did last time and don't forget to meet an EN. You can do this. Remember you are filling the love bank and it does not depend on his actions or reactions right now. Regardless of what happens NO EXPECTATIONS. You are the thermostat no the temperature, you set the temperature on how things go. You are the lighthouse and not the lost ship at sea.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 04:42 PM
Ok no biggie that the meetings canceled. Might be a good thing after the conversation with daughter last night. This will give time for things to calm down. All the negative stuff has to die down before ANY progress can be made.

Then once that happens a friendship can start. Remember it has to start all over again. what you once had with your H no longer exists and that's a good thing because look where it ended. This give you time to 180 really hard and make some permanent 180 changes. Time to create that new body you had, time to learn who you are again and maybe learn something new.

Remember guys diamonds take extreme heat and pressure to become diamonds. Concentrate on yourself right now.
Posted By: AllW8SBF Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 06:25 PM
So ladies how is it going this Friday Morning?
Well Hope I'm in agreement with T2L probably good that the meeting was cancelled. And despite the negative response from H while talking to daughter, remember he was drinking, and he was in fog. And daughter now sees what you've been saying about fog, so your on the right path, he's going done the wrong one and at some point when the sun comes out and clears the fog he'll turn around and hopefully with your speed walking he'll be able to catch up to you ;\)

But won't you just LOVE the Chase you have - he'll be chasing you, ooooohhhh think, flowers, phone calls, compliments. That's what we are all longing to get back to, and girls when the time comes EVERYONE of us better make sure they give it to us. After all this work we are doing on our own behalf, theirs and our marriages we deserve it!

Oh did I tell you H the other day needed me so bad, to cry on my shoulder because he can't get over the chick who broke us up. He got back in contact with her and doesn't get why she doesn't want him (she says she can't trust him - irony, she wanted to keep up the lie, he came out and told the truth to me).
As much as I probably shouldn't do this, I think it deposits love credits into the bank.
I so wanted to give him the article T2L posted from psychology today, about Infidelity and he fits under the Retarded Love category.

Oh and get this, when we went out for Halloween he said that was our Swan song, well another possible date is coming up and he created it. I said the Cowboys would lose this weekend (I don't really want that sorry TXMOM but I think they will lose because this team was Supposed to win this year) well they haven't and he said it and I already thought it, it's because we (him and I) are struggling - our team is struggling, so I said they'll lose (because we are struggling and until this marriage is on track they won't win). Well regardless of what happens, I get a dinner - nah nah nah boo boo. If Cowboys lose, he buys me dinner at Bonefish, if Redskins win I buy him dinner at Bonefish. His idea - his bet. I get dinner no matter what!
I'm smiling and laughing, he he he. Play the game of love!
Posted By: AllW8SBF Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 06:35 PM
So I have some questions - what a shocker!!! Hey I'm laughing that's two laughs for the day! \:\)

Well as I was praying yesterday I got to wondering, see I'm praying that my H will find the Lord, I'm telling you if he did that even if it wasn't with me (I don't want that but I truly believe he'd be so much better if he found God) I'd be happy. But in any case, so I was wondering what would happen, which prayer does God answer if one person prayed to restore the marriage and the other person prayed to end the marriage peacefully? How does he answer those prayers? I really want to ask that to Charlyne and Bob.
It's funny because just in the last what week or so of me praying for that, H has started talking about God more. Not that it's necessary anything good about God, not out right bad, just 1) God gave him this Bipolar and hasn't taken it away so he doesn't listen to H as H is like God won't take that from him. and then last night it was 2) Well I guess God did bless my throat (he was doing awesome on his radio show). I did lots of praising and laughing and deposits in the love bank. At least I think I did - he laughed at me too, and he stuck his tongue out at me.

Next ???

Ok argggghhhh despite all that fun stuff, I got SOOOOO angry. My fault I know, and I knew at the time I stomped around I was doing probably exactly what God didn't want me to do - not sure though you tell me.

I happen to overhear a convo my h and a "friend" (I think their still just friends and that may all it ever will be, but they talk ALOT) H told her he screwed up, a girl he's interested in (Stephanie - I so want to go onto Yahoo and send emails to all the chicks with profiles that H may be interested in and say hey I'm fighting for my husband, if your interested hands off. And even tonight when I go and meet these new girls, I want to say if you see this man, hands off)I think he was to go see her in Indy, well H had not heard from her so he left her ANOTHER message (I heard part of this too - he goes into his bedroom but I can still kinda hear), he said haven't heard from you, I'm guessing your busy, but I will take your no call as a not interested, and I will not be available this weekend or (something like that). Well he told his "friend" about leaving that message but that he JUST got a text or VM from Stephanie that said sorry I had not gotten back to you but my grandma is sick and had not been able to call because she's been with her at the hospital.
So I got pissed, I prayed the whole time asking these evil people to leave H alone, etc. But I just started thinking about How many nice things and loving things, and friendly things I have done for H but what has he done for me lately.
So how do you deal with the urge of getting angry when you've done all this and showing love to your H but get no love back? And if you tell me GAL I'm going to put my hands through this computer and strangle you!

Ok now Hope question for you, sorry I may have missed this in one of T2L earlier posts but, I'm a little lost at how it's possible that no one at your/H's work doesn't know. I mean, they can't see how your acting different around each other?

So I answered the SAA test at the back and Affection is one of the top 5 how do I do that if H gets mad when I do it? I rarely ever did it before, and now even if I just say good night and drag my fingers across his back he flips.
It's just one more thing that he lets others who do crap to him, and even treat him WORSE then I ever have and he's all nice to them. He lets them and wants them to give him his top 5 needs but me NOOOOO don't do it. So what do I do then?

Now I'm going to go and look at TXmom's thread. I'm like T2L I don't go to other threads that often.

Oh tonight is my dance class and I'm meeting some new friends for dinner - GAL - and tomorrow I'm going bowling with friends from work.
GAL, doing the GAL dance, <dancing around><arms in front in circles> doing the GAL dance, woo hoo.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 09:05 PM
T2L, just "stole" borrowed your verbiage about thanks for your financial support blah blah blah in an e-mail I sent to H. I just went in and transferred the agreed upon money into my acct. I am sure it will blow his mind, especially after him having argument with D and then I send him a nice note with no reference to anything.
What are you plans for the weekend everyone? TGIF
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 11:12 PM
ALL,
ok LOLOLOLOLOLOL.. I can hear your frustration. I understand. This is a long haul type thing so your humor is actually gonna help you. Laugh as much as possible guys funny thing this crap is real! LOLOLOLOL I feel like we all should be on Jerry Springer LOL.

I know you want to meet H's top 5 emotional needs and it's frustrating. But remember NO EXPECTATIONS. This keeps you neutral and guarded to where you do not experience more pain. If your love bank gets too low because you keep getting hurt you are not going to care if he does come back because you won't want the marriage anymore. So when you are able to meet the top 5 EN's have no expectations. When you plant a garden you don't immediately run out to see a plant do you? No it takes time, 1st the seed, then the bud and so on.

If you start telling every woman alive to back off H are you ready to do this for the rest of your life? It needs to be HIS decision, and not you fending off everything. A marriage is a partnership so at some point, after he's out of the fog, he's going to need to pull his share, but that's not for now. That's much later down the road. BTW is he medicated for his Bipolar issues?

Alright, believe it or not the GAL'ing is prolly the only thing that is keeping you sane at this point. You probably don't notice it but if you hadn't you would have solely concentrated on ALL the H wants and truthfully probably need to medicated or you'd be severely depressed. So as hard as it is it's super important.

Have you seen the prayers I prayed over H? I think it was thread 3 maybe. Go back and find those. Its very different in the way that I pray and it explains why.

So when you took the EN test, you answered is if it was him correct? You want that test to be accurate to meet HIS needs.

Ok this is my opinion and nothing more so if ya like it great and if ya don't ditch it. I know it gets frustrating to hear the things I say about GAL and part of the reason I say this is because my loyalty, if I can say that, is to you and NOT your H so I am just sharing things that I think are going to help you.

Your H, like all of ours, has some issues to work through. So this season your in my friend needs to be about YOU not just him. That's why I push you to GAL. And you know what I already hear a more confident and different person than the one that 1st came to this thread. You need to take this time to find out who you are aside of H. This is an opportunity for all of us to do that. And you know what I am growing as a person with out my H and it's taken almost 7 months but now it feels good. I am a lot stronger than I thought. I each day I become more confident being just lil old me. I don't have to have my H by my side to be happy now. I miss him and love him and want restoration so when it happens I think it will be even better since I've grown.

ALL, Concentrate on you. If you can meet some of H's EN's then great and have no expectations on returns. I know your hurting but your doing great. Keep 180 too.

I do like the joking and laughter going on between the two of you very nice. Funny how laughter can change things huh. I think we get so focused in life we forget to laugh and get so darn serious about every little thing. Anyways very good there.

And i do appreciate you transparency and ability to just throw it out there on how you feel that's what this forum is for.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 11:16 PM
Hope,
Very good your on a roll!

Weekend plans. Well H is here right now. He's been here for about 2 hours. Think he'll be here through the evening. Not sure if he will be back tomorrow for DS10 football game. It depends on his work schedule. Hopefully we'll see him Sunday.

Well 8 days left til Plan B per SAA book. Getting nervous, don't want to do it but have to as I can't be the other woman forever.

While I'm in plan b I'm going to paint my bedroom and both bath rooms, do some organizing, keep building my family website, learn to play keyboard and take more salsa classes. Next Saturday is Plan B day. Say a prayer for me ya'll. you can be sure I will be posting.

We'll he cheats on OW every time we are together, funny.

Better go in case he comes in here....
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/14/08 11:38 PM
{{{{T2L}}}}} have fun for all of us tonight. Are you absolutely sure about Plan B in place. Do you think you are ready for it and also H? I know -- NO EXPECTATIONS but we are praying for you. Where does the OW think he goes when he is gone overnight? that is curious to me.

I am a little freaked out. One of the guys that sits by me, says how is H doing? I said about the same I guess (still have not told work people), and he says oh one of the Gov people heard that H was leaving????? I have no idea what that is about but it sure is scaring me. Here we are by ourselves and I am wondering if H is getting another job out of state to get away from his unethical position. Would he go that far and not mention it to me? When I talk to H I will have to bring it up. Part of the reason I did not move back is so D15 would have a relationship with him. If that is the case then I will rethink turning them both in. The guy that told me sometimes is a bit of a jerk so I dont know how reliable it is but it really has me thinking. Say a prayer. I have not picked up the phone to call H about it. patience patience.
Posted By: Mommaof4 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/15/08 08:20 AM
O.K. I'll be picking up the SAA book tomorrow and get it read before I talk to H. I just looked at OW's myspace page and it says that she's wondering if she made the right decision. I'm sure she's talking about letting my H move out of her house! I so want to send her a message and say that she absolutely made the right decision; but I won't. After all, he lied to her for 2 years (he didn't tell her he was married until after she gave him a bj). At any rate, thanks T2L for the great advice on my post and the book recommendation. I've already read a ton of books, but I usually get the ones that are recommended to me.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/16/08 06:09 AM
K ya'll I went into Plan B today, just kinda happened. I am gathering my self right now as I am naturally very sad to have to go into Plan B(per SAA book) but it was necessary. Can't really be the OW to the OW forever. Doing just a bit of crying tonight, but I know I did an outstanding Plan A and I am proud at the changes I made in my self. I hope that H gets to benefit from these changes. I know he read my Plan B letter as he sent me \:\( about and hour ago. I did not respond and will try not to read anymore of his texts to protect myself. Overall I'm gonna be ok. Just gonna sit back and see how Plan B works on H. I know he's sad because of the sad face he sent, and I think that's a good sign. Gonna do my best to go totally dark NO contact with him what so ever. If I'm gonna do a good Plan B I'm gonna give it my all too. Plan A worked so darn well we'll see what Plan B does to him.

Anyways someone sent this to me to encourage me. Just passing it on.........

This is a letter from your Lord to you;
"I am your Shield of Protection. Many times you wonder where I am in the midst of the battle that rages around you. You feel abandoned on the battlefield. Dont be afraid and dont lose faith. I am here, and I am always victorious. I will protect you, but you must trust Me. Sometimes I will lead you to shelter for safety and restoration. Other times I will ask you to join Me on the front lines in the heat of the battle. I can kill any giant that threatens your life, but, as David the shepherd boy did, you need to march forward, pick up the stones, and face your enemy. I love to prove My strength when the odds against Me are the greatest and hope is the smallest. I am truly your Shelter and your Deliverer, and I will protect you no matter where you are."

Love, your King and your Protector
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/16/08 06:50 AM
{{{{{{T2L}}}}}, how are you?? what happened that you went into Plan B sooner than planned??
How was H doing? When did you give him the letter and was he shocked?
I pray for you and Plan B. So you are crying? Be strong you have done a remarkable Plan A. No one could have done it better. We are with you every step of this journey.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21


I went to a bacholorette party tonight and will have to fill you in. It was a little sad tonight. Think H went to Mexico for the weekend with OW.

Will be in contact with you tomorrow and check up on you.
Posted By: TxMomw/2girls Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 02:21 AM
T2L

Give us more... Hope asked all the questions we want to know too... I'm so sorry you are so sad... of course you should be and should just "feel" so you grieve and get it out...

You did a awesome Plan A better than I could have ever done.. you bet every ounce of H is so sad and he will be doing a lot of thinking... I'm not sure how dark is dark... but you know the answer.. just know the book is a guideline so if you need to alter that then don't beat yourself up... clearly he can't cake it and now or next week is probably all the same that Plan B went into effect. At least you got to feel him and lay next to him and hold him... there is no way he won't be thinking back to those moments too...

I would like to understand what your letter laid out to him... and how you explained the "why" to him...

we are here for you as you've been sooo supportive to us..
Posted By: faithrunner Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 02:45 AM
T2L, I am thinking of you and praying for you. You have been such a huge support to me. You are so strong and have a great intuition about your H. You were able to change your plan of action along the way whenever you needed to. Today you saw the signs that Plan B needed to start early, and you had the courage to execute your plan. I am inspired by that. These tears are only for a season. You have had your eyes on the finish line of reconcilling your marriage all along. You will do whatever it takes to restore your family, and that includes days like this. Good for you. I am proud of you.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 04:21 AM
T2L, girl you know we are here for you. Remember keep your eye of the target and you have stayed focus. Give it some time for Plan B to sink in with your H.
we are with you.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 04:41 AM
Ok ya'll I'm back sorry for the delay. I didn't get much sleep last night and had to get up for church and gather myself as I had to lead worship in the morning. I left church grabbed a burger and ran straight home for a nice 2 hour nap. So far today no tears. Feeling okay for what it is.

I am proud of myself. I implemented a strong Plan A. I'm a poster child from what I understand. I post on the SAA forum for this plan under the same name Trying2Live. The vets have mentored me through a lot of it. Same type of thing here. But its not a place you would go unless your serious in implementing this plan.

My plan B will be strong as my Plan A. I will NOT come out of Plan B for any reason. Some of the people who post on my plan now say don't come out. There are several people who say they did a lousy half Plan B and I ended up divorced. They say both Plans A and B must be exact.

We did not have a bad visit, It just hit me and the timing was right. He kinda knew it when i handed him the card with the letter inside. He said do I have to go away, and tears fall down my face and I say just read the letter and know that I love you. We hugged and he left. 2 hours later he texted me \:\(

I did not respond as then he would not take me serious and think of me as a liar. You can't do this as a half way thing, its all or nothing. Half a plan wont work. At least from hearing those who broke the plan b regretted it.

So tonight I am ok. Judging by the \:\( he sent last night its working.

Ok more to come tomorrow...... Thanks for the support guys. Feel free to ask away if I forgot something.
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 04:26 PM
We are all here for you T2L.....

Sorry for not posting in a while. I'm just trying to get out of my funk that I'm in....I'm missing H very much right now and I can't get him out of my head. Every morning when I wake up to when I fall asleep at night I pray for him to come home. I pray for God to place someone else in OW path and to release her from this relationship.

The odd part is when I meditate and focus in on my marriage things happen between them. It's almost like my thoughts and prayers impact their relationship. I've noticed when I don't pray then all I see are ILY's and "your the best" bla bla bla..
but when I pray and focus on what I want I see comments like OW says "if you want someone polite then you should find someone else or go back to the polite people you once had". It's really weird....

H sent D16 a text asking her what she wanted for xmas and to send him a list to his email. She tells me why should I send him anything he's not going to buy me anything he doesn't have any money. She said she doesn't want anything from him anyway. I think that is what is hurting me the most. The relationship between him and her that no longer exists.

One day at a time....
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 04:46 PM
{{{marisol}}}}
Glad you are back. I know what you are feeling also. I am physically detaching from H, but in my head and heart all day are different scenarios and thinking about him. It is especially tough on the weekends but I am keeping busy but I miss H. does your H send the "ILY's and you are the best" and also the OW -- where was the comment about polite people.

Like you my D15 has no R with her father right now. She has not spoken to him for almost a month. Oldest D is flying in Saturday and being here for Thanksgiving and as of now I think it will be me and my 2 daughters while H is spending it with OW. Very sad especially since H will not see his daughter at X-mas as all. When I was at church yesterday a couple of rows up was a Dad holding his 3 or 4 year old D. She was giggling and kissing him and hugging him and my eyes filled up with tears. How did they go from that to this -- NC with their own kids. But like you I pray for H and I also pray for OW to leave H. I know God is listening to good prayers and hates divorce. Our H's just have to listen and open their hearts again.

But I am working on GAL and really trying to practice DB without my emotions getting involved.

{{{{T2L}}}}}}} {{{{{hugs}}}}}, we are standing with you. You did a wonderful Plan A and now into Plan B it is tough to wait it out while you have been soooo assertive in Plan A. Now go buy paint and do that bedroom you talked about painting. Move move, breathe breathe. I always find painting relaxing and good for the soul. If you want to share -- let us know what your letter said. Hopefully we will be able to use it for future reference. take care. hugs.
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 04:58 PM
Hi Hope!

The ILY's are from him to OW and sometimes (not all the time) she will reply with ILY. OW sent the polite comment to him in an email. Looks like they had an argument the night before that spewed into the next day. So in other words she was telling him that she knows when she is rude so if he didn't like it then find someone else or go back to me (since I'm polite). She is just a B#$%H!!!! Sorry for getting angry but it makes my blood boil to try and understand why he would want someone like that??!! This young, ignorant, snotty woman who will never be a mother to his children much less a wife.

I'm going to look for a C in my area. I have to start sorting out my feelings and focus on who I am.
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 05:00 PM
T2L - What made you go to Plan B sooner? Did something happen?
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 05:00 PM
Hey Marisol!
I was wondering about you. reach me at(no spaces): its trying 2 live at g mail dot com - had to write it like that i think were not allowed to share that info.

Anyone else can too.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 05:20 PM
T2L, how are you today??? We are for you and with you...
what is that scripture "If God is for us, who could be against us"...guess reading the Bible at night is helping and things are starting to stick in my brain.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 05:37 PM
Yes if God be for us who can be against us, you are correct!

Doing ok today. Made it through yesterday with no crying. Miss him today, but overall feeling pretty good.

Gonna do a bunch of organizing today, vacuum the pool, clean the garage stuff like that to stay busy.

The only benefit of Plan B is I don't have to be perfect and working the plan A all the time, i can breathe for a minute. LOL

It's like when you are trying to plan the visits so you can plan A you want them to come over and its a let down if they cant. so now I don't feel like is he coming is he coming????? Ya know what I mean. I don't expect him so I guess it almost feels better.

Thanks for the support ya'll you guys are awesome.

Marisol did you read my last post before this one(anyone else can too).
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 06:13 PM
Yes I did...I sent you a message...
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/17/08 06:45 PM
didn't get it did you include: its

at the beginning of the address?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/18/08 03:35 AM
Hi everyone,
T2L, quiet? are you keeping busy? take it day by day and see what happens. Plan B in full effect? Is there a Plan C (ok ok a little humor)

I am doing ok, feeling really detached from H but I miss him. I met with C tonight. Talked about thanksgiving and how to get through holidays. Tough time of year but can't obsess about it or I will get too down.

How is everyone else doing?
Posted By: TxMomw/2girls Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/18/08 03:48 AM
Hi ladies,

I updated my thread yesterday.... I'm in a good place today and Sunday... and hope the week will be nice too.. I do feel I'm moving on best I can... I made a list of all the things I need and want to do over next several months... for me and the girls.

I think I'm going to still have my holiday party... something I would have done with H here so why not huh?? working on my girls 4th birthday party weekend after thanksgiving. Getting excited about the holidays too... I also am going to book a girls weekend in Cancun for the last weekend in February... emails just started going out this week.. so things to look forward too which get me excited. I am also trying to plan a trip to visit a friend in LA in Jan... If I have a few things on the books then it will get me through the rough patches...

If I don't see H as much it does help ... I do want to call a DB coach too... Some days I read up on stuff on the is board and get so motivated to stay positive just knowing my H will come back ... the negative thinking will sure hold us down huh? Remind me of this when I email my next sad and horrible day....

I'm traveling on business next two days so will only be on at night... I'll catch up then.

hope everyone is holding up...
Posted By: AllW8SBF Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/18/08 04:46 PM
Hey girls - I don't mean to be a bother but I need to post a quick question and then I'll go back and read what's been going on here.

What would be a nice way to ask for a gift? See it's my birthday the day before Thanksgiving, and H has brought it up, saying he doesn't know what to do in this sitch.
So I was all sweet and said awwww your going to get me a gift, how sweet.
Here's my problem, he goes into this scenario of how someone else asked ever so cleverly for something they wanted by saying "oh my anklet broke and I've been meaning to get a new one but just have not made it to the mall to look for another one. And he responded to her, really, where were you thinking of going? And she said Piercing Pagoda, and then He's like really, were you going to go sometime this week, her response was yeh I was going to try but I just don't have the time"
So I play the game and say, "you know I've got this clunky round watch and I've been meaning to go and get one that is a little more femine but still casual. I want something that will match most of my jewelry so either silver or two tone. "
You know what he says - that sounded so fake!
When I told him what I wanted he got all upset saying that he felt like he was in a boardroom and I was dictating to him.

I am so frustrated and this is something I've always been frustrated with. No matter what it is, if I mimick a conversation like the above or, dress up because he makes a comment about how someone else looks and I do that. I hate doing it because it seems so copy cattish but by telling me it leaves me with no option - I want to do it because he likes it and it sounds cool wish I would of thought of it type of thing, but then if I copy it, its not as original, if I don't copy it, he's not getting what he'd like. I can NEVER WIN!

So what would be some creative ways to ask for this gift I want. The things I've come up with that I want, (I've already listed them to him so he kinda knows) are:
-Jane Seymour has a necklace out of 2 hearts we saw the other night while watching the game and I said that was pretty when I saw it - and I brought it up again last night and he said He was kinda thinking of that.
-He bought me a tanzanite ring a while ago that I hardly wear because I don't have earrings or a necklace or bracelet to match.
-He bought me a ruby and diamond heart necklace, but I still need earrings to match and a bracelet.
-And last but not least, I'd love if he'd pick out a nice perfume for me. I've got tons of lotions but I'd like a perfume that he picked.

The only ideas I've come up with to let on those hints (he said I could leave a note), was either to send a note complimenting how great he is picking out jewelry and that if he could get finishing pieces for the items he's gotten.
Or a note saying I'd love a new fresh perfume.

or I could send a 12 days of Christmas/Birthday gifts thing to list my ideas for him to choose from.

How do you drop hints for the things you want?

I feel so lowsy posing this question here but I have no where else to go, I don't really have friends.

Any help would be great - or is he being ridiculous about having to have me do things like he says.
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/18/08 05:28 PM
Hi everyone!

T2L - I added the 'its'...let me know if you get it..

Hope - I'm looking for a C in my area. I need to get through this time as well.

TxMom - I hope you don't mind me asking but what to do you do that has you travel so much?

All - I would just point it out in a magazine or on tv. He should get the hint from that and then I would just leave it alone. Remember NO EXPECTATIONS! If he gets you something great! If he doesn't then he doesn't and don't dwell on it.

As for me well I signed up for the dance class! Two of my friends and I will be going for our free lesson tomorrow. I'm excited. Then next week is our road trip to Oklahoma. That is going to be so nice to be with family.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/18/08 05:53 PM
Hi Everyone,
Marisol, you are in the grove! that is great. keep it going. I went to C yesterday and we talked about holidays (I know I am down because of them). Need to get through this time. I am having trouble making my airline reservations to fly home for xmas. I am just not dealing well with it but I have to get on the ball and just do it.

All, Don't let H make you insecure. H sets up crazy scenarios and basically tells you to follow them and then say "you are not doing it right". H seems very passive-agressive. You decide how you want to tell him. Notes, leaving out a magazine with a picture -- fine. Don't obsess about what is the "right thing". If H doesn't like it -- that is on him. I would not put too much energy into this. There is no "right way".

T2L, hope you are well. Now is the time for patience -- something that is tough to do. You have support here. What are you doing to keep busy? take care. {{{hugs}}}}}}}
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/18/08 06:54 PM
K guys, can just get on for a bit. Got stuff to handle, mediators for my Plan B quit since H was pissed at them so I am setting up a new one today. Doing well, staying focused and busy so I don't think to much....will be back on later this evening....thanks for the support ya'll....Muah!

Marisol, By the way I'll check that address later....
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/18/08 07:13 PM
Oh yeah sorry I didn't respond All, personally I would just wait to see what he gets or what he does. I wouldn't want present that needed to have a hint dropped about. It just would feel right. I would want a gift from my significant others heart and creativity and not because I hinted. But that's just my humble opinion.

Just have no expectations and either way you will be ok.

Again, focus on yourself as it sounds as if he has some stuff to work through before he can be all that you need.
Posted By: TxMomw/2girls Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/18/08 07:54 PM
Marisol,

I am a regional sales manager and I have about 6 states as my territory..... I work from home so the perk is nice but my H knew with his job only going to increase in travel (sales too) that I was going to look into going back to school or do a franchise or something to stay home more for our family and kids... sucks b/c if D does happen I can't continue to travel, and also share my kids every other weekend, so I will have to find another job in a horrible job market and hopefully make as much $$ which might be hard. I'm trying not to think about the future so much as it scares me.

A - I wouldn't mention a gift either.... he should be able to figure it out.

HOpe - I'm going to my C on Friday - I go twice a month - to talk through holidays and other stuff too.... remember we have to plan and make plans without our H's in mind... so move forward with your plans.... Also do you think the DB coach is worth the money?? I've been trying to decide to call or not.

back on later
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/18/08 08:45 PM
Hi everyone.

{{{t2l}}}} glad you checked in or we would have to track you down!! lol... Did H contact the mediators and he pissed them off or they just had a change of heart?

I am trying to be productive today. I am working at home but I think I have been in a funk. I am worried that after the new year that H will ask for D. (you know be a nice guy and not ask me before the holidays), But I have to stop worrying about what has not happened yet. Today, I am going through paperwork, organizing and trying to be productive. I know this mood will pass but I am still doing well detaching.

I think I got a little depressed because when I met with C yesterday, he suggested getting a private investigator so if H asks for D I will be prepared for a fault divorce. Then he gave me the name of one! Any thoughts on this? It makes me feel bad a that christian "pro-marriage counselor" is trying to lead me down the D path. I did not like that. But then again maybe I am the stupid one that I don't get blindsided if H serves me and I am not prepared especially being in Tx where there is no waiting period and 50/50 community property so I would have a lot to lose. any thoughts??? sorry to steal the stich!

TxMom, I am glad you reminded me. I have one session left with DB coach. Would be a good time to call I would think. You are right, I need to plan some things for the holiday when I am back in CT or I will just collapse. I am planning on going into NYC with some friends to go see the tree and go to Rockfeller center which will be nice. I will also go to the casino with my Mom and sister.

wish you all can come here for Thanksgiving -- I make a great turkey!
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 04:29 PM
Hi Ladies!

I'm also curious about what TxMom asked....have any of you paid for coaching sessions and what was your experience? Hope it sounds like you have.

Hope I'm concerned about your C. I mean he may be looking out for your best interests but then it would have thrown me off as well for him to suggest a PI to protect yourself.

How are you doing T2L? We haven't heard from you!!

How is it going All? What did you decide to do?

Today is my 1st dance class! I'm excited and looking forward to it after work.

I do have interesting news for you all and please feel free to lend your thoughts on this.....

OK so last week H out of the blue asks me if I am in a relationship with his cousin. His cousin was the best man at our wedding. For some unknown reason he thinks we are together but we are not. Neither his cousin nor I have shown him any reason that we are together so its almost like jealousy or something has taken over his logical thinking. Anyway I told him whether I am or not is none of his business because he made his choice and is living his life and I am doing the same. I never told him that I was or wasn't. I in fact called his cousin to let him know that he thinks we are together and I also told his cousin that I didn't know where he got this from nor that I have said anything to make him believe this. His cousin was shocked as well.

So that was Tuesday of last week. Yesterday he emails me about our D16 and when will she ever talk to him. I told him she is just not ready yet but that its important for him to show her as much as possible how much he misses her and loves her. Then later at 8pm he texts asking if we were home. We were not so I told him we were not home and at a friends house. He says he was in the area and his son wanted to see where we lived. That makes me wonder but I just don't think twice about it. Then he texts again at 9pm asking about Thanksgiving. I tell him we will be out of town. He asks where and I tell him. He says it looks like it will just be him and his mom. I don't respond to that and I just let him know that I talked with D16 and that I will do what I can to let her know how much he misses her. He thanks me and that was it. Then I get a text at 1130pm from him asking who I am dating these days besides his cousin. I could not believe it. I waited a bit and responded (which I probably should not have) its not about dating its about meeting people and discovering who I am. Then he starts demanding the truth and why can't I just tell him if I did or didn't. I told him that if I said I did it would ruin his relationship with his cousin and if I said I didn't he would just call me a liar because he already believes I did. I ended the conversation and told him he should focus on his life and not on if I am with his cousin or not. THEN I get an email this morning with the subject line saying "Yes or No!" I do not plan on responding to his email.

So tell me ladies why the sudden interest who I am dating and why does he care if I did or didn't have a relationship with his cousin (which I have not). He is confusing me. Regardless why is knowing so important to him. What difference will it make? He wants a D.

How should I respond if I should even respond to something like this?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 04:48 PM
Hi Marisol, that fog babble just kills us. Ok, H is having the A and he wants to know if you are cheating??

You don't want his cousin stuck in a situation that he did not create if H decides to act on his craziness.

If you respond I would do it in a joking way without giving any information.
Say something like "I am a married woman, why would I be dating...LOL -- Oh that's right it is you that is married and dating. Too funny"
In that way it puts it back on his actions.
How long has it been since D16 talked to H? My D15 is on 1 month with no contact.
I sent a couple of pictures to my H from D15's homecoming. One picture was me and her (with my recent weight loss!) Had to see what H was missing..lol I just said look how beautiful she was.
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 05:00 PM
It is!! This fog stuff is craziness....it just doesn't make sense. He told me he asked his cousin but he wanted to hear it from me. I told him well you got your answer from your cousin. Its almost like he wants me to say that I did so he can have a reason to not come back and if I say I didn't then he will think he still has me or something so he can continue on with his A. I know he won't do anything to his cousin, they are like brothers which is why I think it is killing him so much to not know.

I just don't know if I should respond or just leave it alone.

My D16 has not seen her dad since Oct 17th. That was the last time she actually talked to him and saw him.

If this is a sign of hope that he still loves me what would be the best way for me to approach this?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 05:15 PM
Originally Posted By: hope3343


If you respond I would do it in a joking way without giving any information.
Say something like "I am a married woman, why would I be dating...LOL -- Oh that's right it is you that is married and dating. Too funny"
In that way it puts it back on his actions.


In this way you are responding -- just not in the way your H wants and maybe it will diffuse his anger. You know when they are in the fog babble that they rewrite everything. This is just another way for H to prove he is right having his A. You do not need to buy into that. good luck
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 05:30 PM
Hope - You mentioned you have done the DB counseling sessions...how was that for you? Thanks for the advice....
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 07:02 PM
I did 3 and I am doing one last one on Friday. They are very good. I have not had one in over a month. I went to Jody.
Posted By: AllW8SBF Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 07:34 PM
Ok I'm going to go back and read more but needed to make note of a few things I read from everyone.

First you girls are some of the most brillant and grounded woman I know. Hell yeh he should be able to get a clue of his own on what I want - I'm sure he can't because he is so wrapped up in himself, but his birthday is a week after mine and I already bought 1 thing - it is small and cost like nothing so in case we didn't buy gifts I wouldn't be too upset spending money. But I know it's something he'd like - duh it's Cowboys.

Next someone asked - Marisol I think, about the DB coach, for me (I talk to Cheryl), I can't say that it's absolutely necessary. I mean, I think praying is WAY more important and useful and it's free! Even if God does nothing I feel better when I think of God and all the great things he's done in my life, even after all this. But I have NONE to talk to about this, (with the exception of you girls and I feel horrible for coming on here so much and some of the things I say can't be fun to hear), and now I'm really feeling bad for telling my sis, because she's dealing with a lot, and now she just brought up if H is taking his meds and that she worries that she knows all this and is not telling M & D and then if he did something to me she'd feel so guilty.
So for me I need talk to someone who is pro marriage and can handle this. IE DB coach. But I think a priest could do the same. But I still can't believe that is what their there for. So I can't get myself up to talking to one, don't know where to start.
I only talk to DB coach every other week. And they get you in for 3 sessions, but tell you there is a special if you do 6. So I did that.
She really just listens to me, and I tend to make the realization of what I need to do. But WHY can't I get the answer when the problem occurs - IE when he's passive aggressive.

Where in OK you going Marisol?
I've been thinking of taking a road trip to TX just before the TG holiday and it would take me through Tulsa.

I'm not sure about the PI Hope, part of me thinks sure to protect yourself both with concerns to Divorce but also at work, if you have a PI and work finds out about H and what do you call her she got all that work done, well you can say you had suspicions but needed to get proof before you could come forward so that protects your job too.
And I think the thought is that it may help drag out the divorce giving more time for H to come out of fog but I think that could push him farther in. So I'm more on the side of no PI.

And HOPE, I'm not sure what D would do for H since he can't come out about how he misused his position at company for he'd lose job. But am I getting the feeling your thinking that he's thinking so crazy he won't care how f*cked his life gets?

This Thursday my church has a Divorce Recovery thing about dealing with the holidays. I'm not going - I'm going to the movies with some girls I just met.
And Rejoice Ministries just did their thing about the holidays saying that it's really worse for H's during this time. We have family, and with the exception of H not there we continue our traditions where they can't/don't.

OK this is long enough, and I need to go back to first post and read forward now.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 08:51 PM
Marisol,
LOLOLOLOL that is classic! I'm sorry but I'm loving his desperation. You owe him no explanations and I think your answer of finding yourself and work on your self was simply mah-velous! Its not judgmental.

Wonder if the paradise of fog land is not going so well.

Remember have NO EXPECTATIONS and keep the neutral answers going if you must answer.

He unfortunately will have to ride out the D16 thing as did my H. These are not little kids and have their own thoughts and feelings and we truly can't force anything. Little children are obviously different.

I wouldn't even respond to the questions about cousin. I do like the fact that he's interested though. I mean its true no matter how you answer that question its like damned if do and damned if you don't.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 08:52 PM
Originally Posted By: hope3343


If you respond I would do it in a joking way without giving any information.
Say something like "I am a married woman, why would I be dating...LOL -- Oh that's right it is you that is married and dating. Too funny"

Yeah that's a great response if you need to give one.
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 08:56 PM
Hey All - Thanks for the insight on the DB coach. I am going to Bixby, OK which is right outside of Tulsa. My aunt lives there.

I would consider talking to your parents about what is going on. My mom knew something was happening and I just broke down and told her. They may not be pro-marriage because of the pain they see their daughter in (my parents are not pro-marriage at all). I understand now why they feel that way because I would do the same for my daughter but in having gone through this myself it would be her decision and I would support her either way. In time, I know that if I were to talk to my parents and if I were to reconcile they would be there for me as I am sure your parents would do the same for you.

Ok, I just got an email from H saying "stop ignoring me! I'm going to keep bothering you until you give me an answer!"

This is insane.....what would your response be?
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 09:10 PM
I was thinking to reply something like....

All this attention is flattering! If you would like to talk about your daughter I would be more than happy too. As for the discussion about your cousin there is nothing more to say. I am moving on and so should you.

What do you all think? Too harsh?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 10:03 PM
{{{{{{{T2L}}}}}}, how are you? what have you been doing to keep busy? Did you find a new mediator to speak to H if needed? Thinking about you often. I think this might take awhile for H to come around. I am sure he is going through all of the emotions and still wanting control. They have had control for so long now it will be hard for them to give some of that up and come out of the fog. Praying for you.

Saw H at meeting. Looks like h@ll. He stopped at my desk to pick up mail. We made some small talk. H asked if I booked for CT yet. I said no but have to do it. Said D15 does not really want to go. H said he wants to see D15 but I should say to her when I go out that her Dad needs to stop over or say that Dad needs to give her a ride. In his eyes he thinks that D is not seeing him because he is a low down cheat but because D15 can probably get away with more than if he was in the picture...fog babble babble babble. I cut that one down quick. I said she has been really good, helping at at home (stretch the truth), and has been really good. I said she is hurt and is masking it with anger.
Then I slipped -- said I know you were not happy but you really did things wrong by going out with OW. She does not need you -- we need you. (darn it!). Then H says see we start off good talking then you wreck it by getting emotional. I said sorry but I am not perfect and sometimes it does really hurt but I have been good and keeping busy and making sure that D15 is good and happy.
Then H says if you don't want to tell your family about us you can always tell them that I went to see my sister for X-mas and that is why I am not there. ??????? H said I also have told no one from work (yeah to his benefit since he can carry on his A). H then says after the New Year -- then we will talk...So I said talk about what? I do want to remind you that if you decided to ask me for a D that you need to remember that I am getting my own L, claiming adultery, and naming OW. H looked pained. I said you asked me to be fair well you were not fair at all with us. You need to know that. This is my biggest fear that his game plan is to wait after the holidays and hit me with that. I swear it will be the longest D in the history of Tx! I will delay it as long as possible. Then H leaves but I get a hug out of it!! Put me in the funny farm...

T2L, need to talk about script. Ready action.

All, thanks for your input. Glad you are getting out there and meeting new people. I know it is hard to make friends sometimes, but recently I have been going out more with a neighbor and another friend so it helps tremendously. As for your sister you need to confide. Family are pains but they do have our best interest.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 10:05 PM
Marisol, use humor -- so H does not continue to think he is "king of the world". You don't want to put his cousin on the spot so if you are vague and laugh at him he might have to rethink his position. good luck.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 10:19 PM
Ya know its funny, he didn't care to much in ignoring you and now the darn tables have turned. Hilarious. Your doing good see the reaction of the pulling back just a bit.

I would do the best you can to answer it if you feel you need to but you don't really have to. Its your call. You could do both and wait another day and then give a general blanket answer like right now I'm concentrating on getting my self healed and strong, I don't have much time to date right now. Its not a yes or no. Something like that.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 10:21 PM
ok, I just tried to do some damage control with H.

Sent an e-mail saying that I know my emotions get the best of me sometimes but it is my Italian roots.
It was good to talk to you and catch up. You know that I will do everything I can to get your relationship started again with Colleen. She needs her Dad.
then the 180 bomb.... (T2L you encourage me with this stuff!@)
I am glad you did not stay here any longer. I did not want to be responsible if I threw you on the desk and jumped you. You still look good to me.... ;-) are you laughing?

H I am sure will be shocked, and if he tells the OW even in a negative sense eg. that I never wanted to sleep with him when i was in the M. it still has him thinking. And of course OW will get mad because I am coming on to her man! win-win situation.
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 10:49 PM
{{{{{{HOPE}}}}}}} It will be ok!! Remember, back sliding happens. Its a matter of standing back up, dusting yourself off, and moving forward again. Your thoughts were right. It appears he is holding off until after the holidays to "talk". Just get yourself mentally prepared for it and do what you feel is right. Delay it as much as possible. That's what I have done and look it what happened. If my H can't afford to legally serve me the petition will be dismissed and he will have to start all over again. Granted that if this does happen and it looks like reconciliation is not possible then I will file and be done but it will be my choice and not his.
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/19/08 11:04 PM
Hope! Good come back email...very nice....

I'm still holding off on responding to H....

My friend said to say this..."why don't you ask OW if it really matters who your wife is sleeping with?"

The evil part of me wants to send that so bad@!#@!!@#

I also thought about your reply T2L and thought about saying...."right now i am living my life and doing what makes me happy. this is what is most important to me."
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/20/08 01:04 AM
we should all be therapists since we all come together to think things out! I can't tell you all the times this board saved me when I wanted to act out. The advice is good here because we care about each other.
Let me know what you tell him. No bad or mean messages. it will put him back in the fog.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/20/08 07:49 AM
Ok I'm back guys. Well Plan B has been as I expected....CRAZY.. H chewed out friend who was mediator so had to get 3 mediators who are tag teaming from the forum for this plan(SAA).

My DD17 made the mistake of telling me that dad told them to basically go pound sand too. But regardless I am still staying dark. I will fight to keep my Plan B as close to book as possible.

Emotionally my thoughts run, I don't feel excessively bad as I have been in this place before. I think the Holidays are a lovely time to have him think about what he thinks is going to make him happy.

I am trying to stay focused and busy.

Planned a rather large Christmas Party so far 35 invites! And ya know there's more than 1 person per invo. Thought that might be nice to keep myself busy.

Want to plan something for new years eve too! Marisol check ur in box.

Sorry I haven't been on as much as usual guys, the last few days have been hectic. I know H is going to buck the mediator thing but no matter I can still stay dark and send any messages I just may not get any response.

Anyways glad to see ya'll are helping and supporting each other and me too!


Muah!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/20/08 03:42 PM
{{{{{T2L}}}}} glad you are checking in. Stay strong. So H is bucking the NC. That's what happens when you cake walk and get used to being treated like a king. I give you credit for planning a party. Good for you.
I just booked my airline for CT for me and D15. It really was a reality check to book for 2. I am worried about after the New Year and if H asks for D. It is like a game plan for him. I need a plan for myself. I should post a stich about to delay a D or what other people have done. I know I can only think about the present but how I wish I could turn back the hands of time. take care everyone.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/20/08 04:26 PM
Well ya never know what he wants to talk about after New Years. Concentrate on 180 and meeting the EN's. If you think to hard on that stuff you'll LB when you see him.

For everyone, 180's are particularly important as sometimes the H's are watching us and really in a deciding mode as bad as that sounds. These 180's need to be changes that we truly implement not just for spouses but for ourselves. Hopefully they will be the ones to benefit from these 180's.

So as DR/DB mentions take stock, what is it that your spouses maybe complained about that maybe you kinda know this is an area you really wanted to improve anyways. It cannot be surface change, you've gotta put it into practice every time until it becomes a part of you.

Is it better listening, more femininity, stronger domestic, keeping yourself physically attractive, not being opinionated or always right, more open to recreational activities with spouse, what is it and only you will know. I know for myself I needed to improve my listening skills and curb my opinions and entertain the fact that on his opinions he may be right.

Even if the marriage comes together again and the 180's are not done its really going right back into what was and if you remember what was failed. I want new marriage and better marriage if it happens. And even if our marriages do reconcile you must keep up your GAL and all those things that make up the new you.

Keep 180'ing hard ya'll make those improvements and investments in you. See your self having a good time and enjoying your family and kids during the holidays. You don't want a fogged out H during the Thanksgiving and Christmas. You want your true spouses, so don't force anything. It's a really good time for the betraying spouses to take stock and to feel the repercussions of their actions. You don't have to do a thing and they are going to feel it.

Today I am going to sit down with the kids and plan Thanksgiving. It think were gonna back and make goodies the night before and maybe see a movie and decorate the tree on Thanksgiving, play some board games and have fun. I'm not going to focus, as much as I can with God's help, on my spouse not being there. I have kids and my kids rock and so do yours and they deserve and YOU deserve to have a beautiful Thanksgiving and Christmas. Take time nightly maybe when ya go to bed and just see your self enjoying Thanksgiving and Christmas you'll start to feel better and really look forward to it.

As far as I know my H won't be with us and yeah it stings a bit but doggone it I'm gonna enjoy things and plan things with the kids to ensure it. Life is big, it doesn't hinge on 1 person in your life. It can but only if you let it. I'm not saying its easy and Im not saying it doesnt hurt, but purpose in your mind to have the best time you can during the holidays okie dokie!

Plus its great for the betraying spouses to see you have such joy during this time. Laugh a lot, be confident and cheerful. I'm sure it rocks their fogged brain because life needs to hinge around them and how dare you have joy during Thanksgiving or Christmas.

I'll leave ya with this. God gives us all peace and joy, he is not a man that he should lie and he is not an Indian giver correct? So Peace and joy don't leave us we leave that place of peace and joy.

Have a great day guys! Go plan fun stuff for Thanksgiving!

Back later if I can.....
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/20/08 06:51 PM
T2L, I wish you could bottle some of this good advice and sell it! Need to hear this today.

Also if you get a chance go to Playhouse - YOYO. She has been a great Dber and she thought maybe her H was backpedaling to OW and I told her about Plan A/Plan B and said you would be the one to talk to.
take care...where is everybody else.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/20/08 08:00 PM
Can you give me the link to YOYO playhouse...
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/20/08 09:22 PM
here it is .

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1644819&page=2#Post1644819
Posted By: marisol35 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/20/08 10:42 PM
Hello ladies! {{{{{T2L}}}}} and {{{{{HOPE}}}}} It's been hectic at work today! But it feels good nonetheless to get things done and make decisions.

So I finally responded to H about his msgs to stop ignoring him. I was very vague and told him no matter what answer I gave didn't matter because he already had an answer in his mind and that is what he truly believed. I said how is my answer going to make a difference in his life now and that knowing the truth would not bring him closer because that is something you should decide for yourself.

Of course he persisted repeatedly for a yes or no answer and for me to stop beating around the bush. I didn't respond after that. He actually went so far as to leaving me a voice mail message yesterday after work. His message said to stop ignorning him and to just give him an answer. The interesting part was that he also said that he received a letter from the court about the D stating that if no action was taken by Jan 1st the petition would be dismissed. He asked me to look over the paperwork again or else I would be stuck married to him forever. He didn't say anything about wanting the D and to just sign because he wanted to move on or that he didn't want to be married to me anymore. So it was a bit odd because if he truly wants this to be over wouldn't he be fighting for me to just sign? Wouldn't he be demanding it to be done and over with? Just my thoughts....

Oh and his cell phone just got shut off today....it just keeps going down for him....

Not sure OW is cut out to handle all this....
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/21/08 05:01 PM
Hi Marisol, just continue to ignore. I should be easier since his cell phone is cut off. Oh well.
Unless H bugs you do not do anything with the D papers. I have a meeting with the DB C at 5 and that is one of my questions if H asks me for D -- how do I handle it. You are doing fine. On the other hand -- your right how is the OW handling this?

T2L, I know you are keeping busy. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Wondering if you had chance to look at "script". I can't get into my Yahoo mail at work. thanks
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/21/08 05:57 PM
Yes I have been reading the script. Its much more detailed than I thought and I don't want to screw it up. I'm gonna get it really memorized and shoot for a lovely call Monday morning! Whoo Hooo!

So was in the jacuzzi with DS10 last night. H calls at 8:30 to talk to DS10. They talk for a few about different things and then H asks DS10 if I am in the jacuzzi with him and he says yes. (Boundary tester)H tells DS10 to say hi to me. I say nothing and nod and DS10 keeps on talking about random stuff.

I am determined. I am not coming out of Plan B. Not until he leaves OW. I did a great Plan A and not ruining it by contact. I do not have grace in my heart to spend Thanksgiving, Dec 9th(19 year anniversary) and Christmas with the white elephant in the room that everyone sees and acts like its not there. Sorry bud, dump her that's it. I am prepared to make it to April 23rd which is 1 year of Discovery at that time I will decided whether or not I want o go further. In my heart I feel giving a person 1 year to figure out if they love you is fair. I'll just have to see how i feel.

But I definitely don't want to spend Thanksgiving with him in fog land, it would only ruin a perfectly great day.

Anyways I'm off to do some errands....be back later....
Posted By: TxMomw/2girls Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/21/08 06:49 PM
Hope,

Please let me know what DB C says... I am thinking of calling one maybe after thanksgiving... I have my C appointment today too... I'm quite sure my H is going to ask for D first of the year too b/c he already has mentioned it.. so we'll need to be support for each other.

T2L - good job of hanging on tight and I think a good plan B could be done by text or email as long as it is business drivin and not small talk.... I know he is bucking the system... and him saying "Hi" is him missing you.... sometime these men aren't strong enough to make decisions they need a hard tough plan....

Marisol - can't believe it ... look at your H coming around... not mentioning the big D... and you thought it was over.. who knows.. keep DBing and praying...

I have some updates and will try to post these here or on my thread today... don't have time right now and it is too much... check back on my thread

Hope everyone else is good.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/21/08 06:51 PM
{{{{T2L}}} good to hear from you. So H is doing some fishing trying to still cake eat. Like you are going to melt with the sound of his voice!!! They are too too much. Stay strong. At least H is calling. I would take that as a good sign.


Thanks for looking at the script. Maybe on Sunday we can talk for am minute. Appreciate it.

I am doing something different tonight. My neighbors asked us to go to the "Roller Derby" tonight. Something I have never done and I sounds like it will be fun to watch. D15 is coming also, which is nice to spend time with her on a Friday. take care everyone.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/21/08 07:50 PM
Ok 180 for today! Went to staff meeting, H was there (slightly portly), but in a good mood. Did notice that his shirts have been very neatly pressed (OW must be doing them),
We walked outside after the meeting and it was windy and cold (for Texas in the low 50s). Since H is wearing no jacket he starts saying its really cold, its really cold. So I sortva knock into him and said I would keep you warm but it probably isn't allowed. H looks flustered and starts laughing but nervously. We talk another minute with a co-worker and said I am going back to my desk and H says are you cold and I said no just going back. I said take care of yourself and leave -- first.
Don't know what the New Year will bring but I am not going down without a DB fight.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/22/08 08:06 PM
Hi, guess everyone is busy GAL and Dbing. I am cleaning the house getting ready for my older D visit who is flying in tonight.
I had a session with DB coach Jody yesterday. It was good advice as always. We mostly talked about D15 and how she is not talking to H. She said that H should come for Thanksgiving since it is the only opportunity to see both Ds together. She said that if D15 got in a snit about it H needs to deal with it instead of avoidance. We talked more about Divorce stuff if asked by H and how to handle it etc.
So this morning I call H and leave msg. H does not return call which is odd for him. I look at his ATM card on line and see he took money out towards the Mexican border! He went there last weekend with OW and guess he is back there again and I know the phones dont' get service there. I think she must have family there and it gives them a chance to be open about their relationship since they have to hide here all the time. H is still blowing money like crazy. So I will not call him back and just wait and see what lie H gives me why he did not call me back sooner. oh well

On a good note, went the girl Roller Derby last night and we had a great time, hooting and hollering at the players and they get into all of these fake fights. Good time with D15 and she wants to go back and see another one. Our neighbors are nice and they were alot of fun. I appreciated they took us.

How is everyone doing??? take care
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/23/08 12:23 AM
Thought I would post this. Goes along with the theory that H is addicted to his A.

The brutal reality of the unfaithful man’s ruminations is given airing in the following poem by Robert Browning:

One more devils-triumph and sorrow for angels,
One wrong more to man, one more insult to God!
Never glad confident mourning again!
All’s over, then; does truth sound bitter
As one at first believes?

When a man has lost his mistress, in Browning’s view, it is clear that he experiences a sudden jolt back to reality. The reality of what he has done, and the moral judgment he imposes on himself. This self reporting of infidelity, although it may well be involuntary and due to the fact of being caught in the act, describes the inner journey of the man accepting his actions and then accepting that he was deluded into thinking his happiness lay elsewhere. He has lost his mistress, and with this reality check, his illusion vanishes.
Still, the journey has not yet arrived at regret, as up till this point, he merely longs for the bliss of his illusion, which he can have no more.
Posted By: TxMomw/2girls Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/23/08 04:05 AM
Hope,

Just know with the money thing in Texas ... you could be liable.. I've checked with my attorney on this and she said his lawyer could try to fight on this.. she said to print records and document everything... only way to truely protect ourselves in Texas is to file and get temporary orders in place. I asked my H to send me an email stating that all expenses on his credit card are his responsiblity and I'm not liable ... he said he would but hasn't yet. Lawyer said it should hold up if he does sign or email something.

so don't let yourself get screwed if he is spending way too much... My H is out of town this weekend with OW and next that is what made me think about wanting something in writing.

just a thought....
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/23/08 05:15 AM
Tx Mom, thanks for the advice. I worry about that. The card is in his name only but I know you can still be liable. He has put on about 7/8ooo on his credit card since June! Total spending out of control. But I have a copy of all his records and all his charges. My leverage will be the OW works for him, which I will use if I have to. I hope it does not come to that.

Update your stich.. will check in . take care
Posted By: Silver Fox Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/23/08 06:38 PM
Hello Hope,

I've never posted to you but have been reading this thread for awhile now. We are similar in age and in circumstances, although I have no children.

My H is also spending like there's no tomorrow with THREE new credit cards (in his name thank goodness). He is truly addicted to his OW and it's devastating to me. I've gone completely black since August now - Michele is a genius - this has helped me tremendously. I'm going to update my thread soon and you're welcome to reply.

Your Robert Browning poem and explanation is beautiful and profound. Irony is, my H was a philosphy major and is a college professor now - he of all people would understand this poem and I fear (and pray) that he will soon experience a "sudden jolt back to reality".

Thank you for your wise comments and stay strong.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/23/08 10:29 PM
K guys jumping on quick just got back from church wanna take a quick nap, but I wanted to share a lil bit I got from someone.....enjoy....


There's a formula I share :

An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.

I call it a formula because it's true that a spouse can get "foggy" from this formula without actually being in an affair with a person--it's when the partner creates and nourishes their own resentment into entitlement...you'll hear "I want to be happy" as a goal, for instance. The resentment along blocks out sharing their stuff (thoughts, feelings, beliefs, perceptions and perspective) with you.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/23/08 10:30 PM
Reverse Fog babble.....


Examples of reverse babble:

WS: I need my own space.

Reverse babble (RB): Yes you do.

WS: I love you but I am not in love with you.

RB: Yes, me too.

WS: You need to move on.

RB: Yes I do. Here is a list of what I need.
1. All bills paid
2. New home, new furniture, etc.
3. New car
4. All Ens met for entire family
5. Children's education all paid for
6. Guaranteed alimony for life
7. Guarantee that you will never be difficult
to deal with.
8. WS meet with Steve/Jennifer or MC and
then show family how WS will keep the
family safe from any harm.
9. WS guarantee he/she will be there to
support family through good times and bad
10. WS never demand anything other than what
the family requests.
11. WS not put demands on family or stress them
out in any way shape or form.

Please share some of the comments you have received and 'we' may be able to give a 'sample' RB response or 2.

Part of reverse babble is to agree, then present something while the WS may be in a state of confusion or wonderment (shocked or confused at your being agreeable). Get in your point and them exit ASAP. Don't say too much. Sometimes I used to nod yes and say no or visa versa. Sounds silly? Well my H was sooo much in the fog, he would just shake his head and walk away. About 2 hours to 2 weeks later I would get a response.

I learned not to take his babble to heart. Eventually I learned to put back some of his responsibility on him.

example:

WS: Go get the D. I don't want to be married to you anymore.

RB: Me too. Go get the D.

WS: Why won't you talk to me? (I was in plan B). Don't you love me?

RB: Hm.... I don't know. Let me get back to you on that.

WS: Where is all the $$ I gave you?

RB: I don't know.

WS: Do you want me to come back?

RB: I don't know.
WS: You are so fat, if you lose weight I will come home.

RB: I do have some weight to lose but when I do, I am not sure if I would still want you to come home.

WS: Be a real human.

RB: I am. I have been wondering about you.

WS: You cant come over to my house without permission.

NOTE: This is not reverse babble this is a challenge. Do NOT respond to this. Just nod.

WS: I cant trust you.

RB: Yes, I can't trust you.

WS: You ruined my life.

RB: Yes, you did ruin our lives.

WS: You ruined your life.

RB: Yes, you did ruin our lives.
NOTE how this is the same response.

WS: Your dad had to get you a job, and you have an mba.

RB: Yes he did and it is a good one. He certainly made a good choice. I'll have to tell him thanks. Thanks for reminding me.

WS:I love you. I dont know why I love you, I just do.

RB: You are right, I don't know why I love you also.

WS: She is just a friend (ow number 2)

RB: Wow, with friends like that, why are you out there making enemies? I did give this answer. [Eek!]

WS: I was plan ning on leaving way before the A...

RB: Why didn't you?

WS: I told you I was leaving you for a year.

RB: Leaving for? or Me or your other W?

WS: I never want to live with you again.

RB: Right now, I can see why you would not want to live with caring people anymore.

WS: We can stay married and live apart.

RB: Ok, right after you can show me how to sleep in 2 beds in 2 different homes at the same time. Similar incident, I gave the above response. [Eek!]

WS: This is for the good of the kids.

RB: You certainly are entitled to your opinion. When the children are older, I will share your words of stupidity with them. It will hurt but you are certainly entitled to your opinion. This one happened to me

WS: Just move on with your life.

RB: I am.

WS: You are crazy.

RB: ...and you have been a good teacher.

WS: I might go to counseling if you start to act normal.

RB: I already have. When is your appointment?

WS: It was never the same with ow as you.

RB: I am glad to hear that.

WS: Where did you get those shoes?

NOTE: This is NOT babble. Just answer his question. Don't act like he said it with sarcasism.

WS: I can never live in our house again, there are too many bad memories.

RB: Good idea. When will you be able to get us another home? This one happened to me
WS: Do you know how easy you made it for me to leave!

RB: Yes you did.

WS: We were just friends but now it's much more than that.

RB: Your knack for picking trashy friends is getting better!
WS: I just do not think I can do this anymore. As much as it hurts me as well, I do not think I have it in me to fight.

BS: Me too. Just can't do this and losing the will to fight.
"What part of I don't want to be married to you don't you understand?"

"I agree. Wanting to be married and being married are not the same."

"I don't want to be with you anymore, I want a divorce."

"I agree. Not getting what you think you want can make you want it more."
what part of i dont want to be married to you dont you get/
BS: The when part.
ws: huh?

BS: You know, when....when did you not want t/b married to me?

I don't want to be with you anymore, I want a divorce
BS: You're right, I don't want to be with you 2. When R U going to get it?

ws: What?
Posted By: Silver Fox Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/23/08 11:56 PM
T2L,

Your posts are brilliant, I've been reading them for awhile.

How's this for entitlement: When my H dropped the 2nd bomb (OW)
he said "I'm not a bad person, I've been faithful for 20 years, I deserve this".

As to the Reverse Babble, I'll have to think on that one - my H says things like: "It's nothing you've done, you're a wonderful person, I never meant for this to happen, I'm sorry you're hurting".
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/24/08 01:11 AM
Hey silverfox thanks for popping in, hey guys welcome silverfox! so glad you read up. I try always to pass on great information as I get it.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/24/08 04:27 PM
T2L, thanks as always for a good stich. Need to catch up today. keep me posted. I am praying.

Silver Fox will go to your stich later and we can chat. take care.

My older D is here from CT for a visit. Tough day yesterday but we are trying to have a really good day today.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/25/08 02:32 AM
Ok sorry have been busy crazy, apparently now H is refusing to use email as communication so I have been in contact with mediators giving them H's postal address and getting a visitation schedule for DS10 during football and post football.

I am sure H is pissed off to no end and now I do not care. He needs to grow up. He was cake eating and running naked through rivers of frosting and now he got it taken away. Oh Well. This Plan A was not a life style of sharing my H. Of course he told DD17 that it was perfect...LOL yeah ok.

Anyways got the stuff done with the mediators, nervous cuz I know he's gonna get pissed off again but this is what life as a divorced person could be like and he needs to feel it to see hey maybe this is not the life I wanted.

How are you all?
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/25/08 02:33 AM
More ideas on Fog babble conversations.....


Examples
WS: "As much as I love you, I can't see our M being happy"
BS: "It must be difficult to go through life being so blind"

WS: "I left you long before the OP came into the picture"
BS: "Perhaps I just imagined that was my (husband/wife) in bed with me the last few years"

WS: "My A with OP has nothing to do with us"
BS: "You are correct, the A was and is completely your choice"

WS: "I am tired and too stressed to continue this"
BS: "Yes, I can see how living a deceitful double life could be very fatiguing and hard on one's concience"

WS: "I just don't have 'those feelings' for you anymore"
BS: "I can see why...it's hard to value your spouse when you don't respect yourself first"

WS: "We just aren't right for each other"
BS: "Yes, it isn't right for anyone to cheat and abandon their M"

Here is an oldie but a goodie (X2)--
WS: "Me and OP are just friends at work"
BS: "Funny, this the only 'friend' either of us has ever kept secret from one another"

WS: "I wasn't looking for a relationship--it just happenned!"
BS: "Bad things tend to happen when good people do nothing to stop them"

and so on....
Posted By: Silver Fox Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/25/08 03:25 AM
WS: "I just don't have 'those feelings' for you anymore"
BS: "I can see why ....it's hard to value your spouse when you don't respect yourself first
"

Thank Youuuuuuuuu.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/25/08 06:07 AM
T2L, these are really good. Now I need to make a cheat sheet and write them on my hands!

Here is a few more...

WS: I just need to move out and learn to take care of myself
BS: That's good because I was getting tired of taking care of you

WS: Don't I deserve some happiness?
BS: Yes, we both deserve happiness
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/25/08 07:32 PM
{{{{{TL2}}}}}
as promised. Calendar: meeting 9-10, 1:30-2:30. Usually lunch 11:30...good luck ....
DO I owe you big time????? thanks and keep me posted here or Yahoo.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/25/08 08:31 PM
Thats for tomorrow correct? And times listed are your times correct?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/25/08 08:40 PM
that is for tomorrow! Operation script. LOL
How is your day going? Any news...or all of the same...
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/26/08 07:09 PM
Hope,
Just tried at 1PM your time. Will try again, or after the meeting scheduled.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/26/08 08:52 PM
Just tried again your time 2:50, I'll try again in 30 minutes, keeps going to voice mail.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/26/08 09:07 PM
Hi T2L, darn it....we went to yoga at noon and we saw his car at the golf club so he was having lunch then.
I appreciate your efforts. I know you will put on an Oscar performance!!!

How are you holding up? Any word from H through your kids?

Guess who is now coming over for dinner tomorrow??? Our H...My older D went out with him for most the day yesterday and she asked about Thanksgiving and now he is coming for the whole meal. He asked for me to send him a text what time. So I send him a text that dinner is at 3, (Dalls games starts at 3:30 - OW's team), so H sends me a text back saying why is dinner so late? So I send a text back saying we are going to the gym in the morning and then coming home making dinner. So I am sure OW is mad that H won't be for game. Oh well. We will be away for Christmas so this is the only time H gets to spend with both of his girls. Unbelievable.

Also one funny story. H took D over to his apartment for a visit. She comes home and says Mom I did a bad thing...
She said she goes into his bathroom finds the OW flat iron and toothbrush in the drawer and decides to clean the toilet bowl with both. She then put both back in their proper places...I had to laugh...sick but funny.

We will all make it through tomorrow. God bless to you all.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/26/08 09:26 PM
Just tried one more time, 3:30 your time, straight to voicemail
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/26/08 10:08 PM
He will be gone by then. Will you be around Friday? I will let you know if he is working that day. I appreciate it. I guess he snuck out early.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/27/08 05:01 AM
T2L, well it hit the fan today. I checked my work e-mail today and lo and behold their is an e-mail sent anonymously about my H and the Ow. Check your yahoo e-mail. It was pretty awful, saying that they were seen at a local nightclub grinding into each other and at a birthday party where they disappeared and how wrong it was. But the last line said that you better talk to your H and that they were sending a letter to our companies human resource department to have them fired because he is her boss and it is against company policy. WTH...

I called H and read him the riot act and I called the OW and blasted both of them to say that they were bringing shame on my family and that my H was bringing financial ruin. Unbelievable. No Dbing today. OW hung up on me after I told her what a stupid woman she was.

What do I have to be thankful for tomorrow. That I have managed to keep my sanity in spite of all this.
Posted By: Br44 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/27/08 05:15 AM
Sounds like there will be some real consequences for their affair. I'd try to let things happen without stirring up any more drama.

It is wrong and affairs are sickening in general... but did you really learn anything that you didn't already know about them "grinding" or disappearing to do whatever?

Don't let yourself get drawn into their crap. Their relationship isn't going to last. Keep your sanity, and DB for YOU!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/27/08 05:55 AM
thanks, making changes. I have been carrying on for 5 months knowing about this work affair that has been going on especially that I work there also. It has been very stressful so when I saw the e-mail I realized they were fooling noone. I just reacted. I do know that neither of them are having a good night tonight.

I know this A won't last either. Pray for it every day.
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/27/08 07:56 AM
Hope OMG okay will go read my email. You have much to be thankful for, you have lovely daughters who love you dearly, a new friend In Cali who loves ya and all your friends and family. You have health and life too.

I know this may seem bad but God works in mysterious ways and I know you didn't want exposure but we both can agree it needed to happen and it could be a good thing, financially maybe not but if you want your marriage still this is definitely going to crush any of the fun. Trust me. Maybe not instantly but it will and hopefully she gets fired.

Call me tomorrow if you want, I was at church tonight. I dont care that its Thanksgiving, if you need to talk I'm here try both numbers if you need to.
Posted By: TxMomw/2girls Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/27/08 05:48 PM
Wow - I would be so excited to know that it is out.. although I know the pain for you now... but let it play out as .. they might pull closer up front but it will in the end distroy the "fun and games" they've been playing.

hang in there...
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/28/08 07:49 PM
Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving. Mine was relaxing kids and I ate way too much and took long naps and watched movies. Surprisingly no crying tomorrow. I wasn't too sad either. A little irritated that my H would give up spending all this with us. I told D17 that I would never give this up to be able to spend this with you guys. She says mom, I am starting to not care because I realize he doesn't care about us.

H was not there as I am in plan B of SAA(book). H did not call kids the night before or on Thanksgiving as I'm sure he wants me to pay for it so he's taking it out on my kids.

He did however send a text page to daughters phone at almost midnight saying hope you guys had a good day. That's it. What a jerk! He didn't even say hello or I love you or even a message to son.

Still staying dark(no contact), tomorrow is 2 weeks.

Trying to stay busy and GAL and do things I like. Think I'm going to undertake some painting next week as I am thinking way too much.

Anyways, we're up and running over here tidying up and getting ready for Christmas. We decorated the tree and house and had fun.

Hope you are all doing well.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/28/08 08:19 PM
hello everyone!!

T2L, we made it through this first holiday. You had no contact and I had too much! 2 weeks NC..it seems shorter but you are hanging tight and we are proud of you. Yes I am thankful for my girls and my friend from CA and my other friends on this board. I don't know how I would have made it by.

Well H took the girls to breakfast this morning and then came back and picked me up to take our D to the airport. We made small talk and I was singing to music in the car just having a grand DB time! Well when D15 gets out of the car to pick up her friend at the house, H says to me I know who send the e-mail to you and the follow up phone call. It is an ex friend of OW who hates her (geeh why would anyone hate her), and is friends with her old BF, that is the only one we saw that night, it is not an employee. So I said well they knew quite a bit about work and OW schedule so don't be sure it is not a combination of stuff. Then H says I know you hate OW but that person had no right to contact you and they are not your friend. I said, I guess I am not the only one that hate OW, oh well no surprise there, but everyone that knows OW says she is a black widow type that suck men dry and then dumps them. H says oh that person just hates OW so she will say anything. Then I drop a little truth bomb on H. I said well its funny I was out a few weeks back at a bacholorette party and met a group of women that knew her also and they said the same thing about her. I don't think you know her as well as you think you do. So H says why where you talking about her and I said, well you know how it is I was drinking and it just came out...and then I laughed and gave him a little punch in his arm. (same excuse he uses when he drinks). H looked shocked, I got out of the car and said take care of yourself and watch your back. Gave him something to think about.

And I am curious how everyone else did? take care...
Posted By: Trying2live Re: Trying2Live-Post #5 - 11/28/08 11:50 PM
FYI.... We're near 100 posts so if we get locked out I'll start a new thread. \:\)
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