day by day - 02/09/08 06:30 PM
Re: day by day - 02/09/08 07:18 PM
OW's H has not returned my call. I will not call again. I have a feeling he will still call though. Oddly, I am having a good day, even though I am sick (body aches, cough). I am in a place where I realize this is H's mess, and I don't have one bit of desire to help him fix it. The only reason I will tell OW's H is out of respect for him.
Re: day by day - 02/09/08 08:11 PM
(((((((Lwb)))))))
Oh, and some more <hugs> to you...
I have been getting over the vestiges of a bad flu-like cold from last week, which included fever and chills, the whole works -- I know how you feel, and I am sorry.
Good that you're staying above it all.
Oh, and some more <hugs> to you...
I have been getting over the vestiges of a bad flu-like cold from last week, which included fever and chills, the whole works -- I know how you feel, and I am sorry.
Good that you're staying above it all.
Re: day by day - 02/10/08 04:43 PM
Hi lwb,
Just checking in...seems that the drama continues. Hope you are feeling better.
Just checking in...seems that the drama continues. Hope you are feeling better.
Re: day by day - 02/11/08 10:41 PM
lwb - how are you?
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 03:33 AM
Hey everyone.
I was down and out with the flu. The real-bodyaches-fever-chills-eyesocket pain flu. I am now finally out of bed and can play a board game or two, but that's about it. I plan on returning to work tomorrow. H left for Ohio tonight. Our D6 surprised us with huge emotions (tears, fear of H leaving) tonight. It really threw us because she is usually the calm one. It was very hard to watch and I fear what our future brings all of us if this D goes through.
H is going to visit his grandma, who is turning 97. She helped raise him and his youngest brother(while his parents were going through a messy D, big surprise). H has 6 siblings but managed to drive by himself tonight. Not a mistake, he is distancing himself from everyone. Would have passed on this entire trip, but knows he needs to visit his grandma. He hasn't gone since the A, and I know its because of the guilt, can't face her or his aunt and uncle.
We are on good terms. Peaceful but distant. Story of my life. Being so sick made me realize that I really miss someone caring about me, really caring. I deserve that.
I was down and out with the flu. The real-bodyaches-fever-chills-eyesocket pain flu. I am now finally out of bed and can play a board game or two, but that's about it. I plan on returning to work tomorrow. H left for Ohio tonight. Our D6 surprised us with huge emotions (tears, fear of H leaving) tonight. It really threw us because she is usually the calm one. It was very hard to watch and I fear what our future brings all of us if this D goes through.
H is going to visit his grandma, who is turning 97. She helped raise him and his youngest brother(while his parents were going through a messy D, big surprise). H has 6 siblings but managed to drive by himself tonight. Not a mistake, he is distancing himself from everyone. Would have passed on this entire trip, but knows he needs to visit his grandma. He hasn't gone since the A, and I know its because of the guilt, can't face her or his aunt and uncle.
We are on good terms. Peaceful but distant. Story of my life. Being so sick made me realize that I really miss someone caring about me, really caring. I deserve that.
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 03:36 AM
((((LWB)))))
You are right, you do deserve someone to take care of you. Glad you are feeling better.
You are right, you do deserve someone to take care of you. Glad you are feeling better.
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 03:50 AM
<big HUGS>((((((Lwb))))))
I agree with Yoyo. You deserve to be loved and taken care of too, and to have your "down time".
Hope you're all better soon.
I agree with Yoyo. You deserve to be loved and taken care of too, and to have your "down time".
Hope you're all better soon.
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 03:54 AM
Hi LWB,
Sorry to hear you are sick. Yes, we are all in agreement on the caring.
Sorry to hear you are sick. Yes, we are all in agreement on the caring.
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 07:34 AM
Ditto
(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 01:33 PM
lwb, I hope you are feeling better soon.
I agree that it's nice that somebody cares for us and is there to help take care of us when we are in need. However, don't get fooled into believing that you need another person to make your life complete. As we walk through this most difficult time, we are vulnerable to becoming victim of a "rebound relationship" that is doomed to fail.
It's exactly what happened to your husband and my wife. They both believed (and may still believe) that the presence of another person in their life is a critical ingredient for their happiness.
We know better. We don't need another person. We are strong and independent. And we will be happy.
I agree that it's nice that somebody cares for us and is there to help take care of us when we are in need. However, don't get fooled into believing that you need another person to make your life complete. As we walk through this most difficult time, we are vulnerable to becoming victim of a "rebound relationship" that is doomed to fail.
It's exactly what happened to your husband and my wife. They both believed (and may still believe) that the presence of another person in their life is a critical ingredient for their happiness.
We know better. We don't need another person. We are strong and independent. And we will be happy.
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 01:53 PM
Hugs to you as well, sweetie. I would send you some chicken soup if I could.
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 03:02 PM
Mark, you are right. I don't need another person to complete me. I was having a pity party. I just miss that in H. He never once asked me how I was. He helped when he was home, but my 3 yr old had more sympathy than he did. Its part of the normal WAS thing, I am sure. He is distancing himself for whatever reason.
Kimmie Lee, thanks for the chicken soup offer. Sounds really nice to me.
Kimmie Lee, thanks for the chicken soup offer. Sounds really nice to me.
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 03:11 PM
Hi lwb-
I'm so glad that you starting to feel a little better. We were worried about you! Funny how most of us have never met but when we don't come on the board for a day or two people get concerned and worried about us. What a nice feeling. And no worries on the pity party. We all have them. You're sick and your H is being an a$$. You're allowed to feel that way.
I understand the feeling you're having with your H not being helpful. I understand his reason for going to Ohio, but did he even offer any suggestions for you while he was gone to help with the kids since you're sick. I know you're a big girl, but just a little common courtesy would be nice. You know we've got some muscle in Ohio that can correct his attitude!!
Hope you feel better soon. Take care-
SueS
I'm so glad that you starting to feel a little better. We were worried about you! Funny how most of us have never met but when we don't come on the board for a day or two people get concerned and worried about us. What a nice feeling. And no worries on the pity party. We all have them. You're sick and your H is being an a$$. You're allowed to feel that way.
I understand the feeling you're having with your H not being helpful. I understand his reason for going to Ohio, but did he even offer any suggestions for you while he was gone to help with the kids since you're sick. I know you're a big girl, but just a little common courtesy would be nice. You know we've got some muscle in Ohio that can correct his attitude!!
Hope you feel better soon. Take care-
SueS
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 03:26 PM
<more hugs> ((((Lwb))))
I wonder whether the WAS really just doesn't care at all...
...or are they just too blindly selfish to see anything beyond themselves...
...or are they so deep in the fog of their warfare against the LBS that they cannot compromise, even a little, their hard-nosed stance and act like a normal compassionate human being towards the "enemy".
...or a combination of the above, maybe?
I wonder. Still.
Glad to hear you're doing better, Lwb.
I wonder whether the WAS really just doesn't care at all...
...or are they just too blindly selfish to see anything beyond themselves...
...or are they so deep in the fog of their warfare against the LBS that they cannot compromise, even a little, their hard-nosed stance and act like a normal compassionate human being towards the "enemy".
...or a combination of the above, maybe?
I wonder. Still.
Glad to hear you're doing better, Lwb.
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 03:44 PM
NCB,
I think it's probably different for each wayward spouse. In my wife's case, she told me later (post-fog) that she KNEW that it was wrong, and that it was hurting me, but that it felt so good that she couldn't stop it. She also said she had a lot of "I deserve to be happy" thoughts, and she would remind herself of how selfless she had been as a SAHM over the years, and how now maybe it was time for her to have a little FUN in her life.
Once I exposed her affair, there were many days where raw ANGER at me motivated her to continue, but she said that she respected that I was willing to fight for her, and for our family, and that even tho she was royally PISSED at me, she knew that what I was doing, I was doing out of love.
- Choc.
I think it's probably different for each wayward spouse. In my wife's case, she told me later (post-fog) that she KNEW that it was wrong, and that it was hurting me, but that it felt so good that she couldn't stop it. She also said she had a lot of "I deserve to be happy" thoughts, and she would remind herself of how selfless she had been as a SAHM over the years, and how now maybe it was time for her to have a little FUN in her life.
Once I exposed her affair, there were many days where raw ANGER at me motivated her to continue, but she said that she respected that I was willing to fight for her, and for our family, and that even tho she was royally PISSED at me, she knew that what I was doing, I was doing out of love.
- Choc.
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 07:24 PM
I believe at this moment H is somewhat enjoying hurting me, because he felt so hurt and betrayed before the A. He has said in anger many times "Now you know how I feel." He made a rude comment today, and despite his horrible situation (been in the car 16 hours and stuck in a small town with no power due to snow), I still called him on it. I am tired of it. Time for a change, time for a backbone (as therapist says).
This is H's thoughts (put sahd in there, as he was one for the past 2 years). He wants to be single, wants to date, 'deserves' fun.......
Quote:
She also said she had a lot of "I deserve to be happy" thoughts, and she would remind herself of how selfless she had been as a SAHM over the years, and how now maybe it was time for her to have a little FUN in her life.
This is H's thoughts (put sahd in there, as he was one for the past 2 years). He wants to be single, wants to date, 'deserves' fun.......
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 07:44 PM
It is time, he cannot continue to treat you with such a lack of respect.. no matter how he feels about the M.. there is no reason for that.. Its amazing to me that they are the ones being unfaithful, yet they have no problem with turning the tables to make it look like they are the "victim".. very distortive and sick behavior. This is where you say "your on your own man" clean up your own mess..
It may actually be some what of a break for you not having him in town. ..
If he wanted to be single why the he$$ did he get married in the first place...
You enjoy your time without him and just relax... his issues are just that HIS and not your problem. Take care of you and your D's , you don't need him LWB,you really don't. Your strong and a beautiful person.. like i've said before, he was lucky to get you for a second of his life.
Tal
It may actually be some what of a break for you not having him in town. ..
If he wanted to be single why the he$$ did he get married in the first place...
You enjoy your time without him and just relax... his issues are just that HIS and not your problem. Take care of you and your D's , you don't need him LWB,you really don't. Your strong and a beautiful person.. like i've said before, he was lucky to get you for a second of his life.
Tal
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 08:32 PM
My break wasn't long enough. lol Weather has forced him to turn around and come back. He'll probably be in tonight at some point.
Thank you tal, thank you so much.
Thank you tal, thank you so much.
Re: day by day - 02/12/08 08:45 PM
Darn it!! we spoke too soon! Keep your distance, and if at all find something else to do that you don't have to communicate with him. Fold laundry in a different room, tidy up areas of the house he isn't in... these are things I do.. I play some celtic music, burn some candles and just do my thing.. It does work sometimes!
Maybe he will be back late enough you'll already be asleep!
tal
Maybe he will be back late enough you'll already be asleep!
tal
Re: day by day - 02/13/08 02:28 AM
LWB,
Sorry to hear about the flu (yuck) and about D6's breakdown. I hope your H thought about that during all that time in the car.
He 'deserves' fun? Perhaps he'll catch the flu, too. He can have as much fun as you did. How awful that he never asked how you were! Fart him up!
Joie
Sorry to hear about the flu (yuck) and about D6's breakdown. I hope your H thought about that during all that time in the car.
He 'deserves' fun? Perhaps he'll catch the flu, too. He can have as much fun as you did. How awful that he never asked how you were! Fart him up!
Joie
Re: day by day - 02/13/08 03:25 PM
LWB,
It's good that you called him on his rudness.
You don't need to be treated like that and he needs to know it.
Im glad to hear you are getting better. Like Joie said maybe H will catch it and have as much fun!
Have a good day with your ^PMA.
JAK
It's good that you called him on his rudness.
You don't need to be treated like that and he needs to know it.
Im glad to hear you are getting better. Like Joie said maybe H will catch it and have as much fun!
Have a good day with your ^PMA.
JAK
Re: day by day - 02/13/08 08:36 PM
Hi lwb-
Just wondering how you're feeling today.
SueS
Just wondering how you're feeling today.
SueS
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 02:33 AM
I am feeling better today (Hi Sue and thanks..). Still super drained, but hanging in there.
Saw my new counselor today (1st visit was last week). She is really nice. She wants me to sit H down (when I feel he will be receptive) and give him 2 statements. The first one is about the fact that I deserve a 'real' apology for the A, a heartfelt one, and that I need to know (for closure) that he is accepting appropriate blame. He may or may not do this, but I put it out there for him to think about.
The second thing is kind of a truth dart (hi choc!), just a quick frank statement about how this D will devastate the girls, and will change their outlook about men (and their own father) for life. And the outlook change will not be good.
Saw my new counselor today (1st visit was last week). She is really nice. She wants me to sit H down (when I feel he will be receptive) and give him 2 statements. The first one is about the fact that I deserve a 'real' apology for the A, a heartfelt one, and that I need to know (for closure) that he is accepting appropriate blame. He may or may not do this, but I put it out there for him to think about.
The second thing is kind of a truth dart (hi choc!), just a quick frank statement about how this D will devastate the girls, and will change their outlook about men (and their own father) for life. And the outlook change will not be good.
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 01:07 PM
Originally Posted By: lwb
The second thing is kind of a truth dart (hi choc!), just a quick frank statement about how this D will devastate the girls, and will change their outlook about men (and their own father) for life. And the outlook change will not be good.
A dart? That's more like a spear!
Glad to hear you're feeling better.
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 01:58 PM
I already like your C and what she has to say, Lwb.
My own C bids me to remember the Apostle Paul's advice to "Speak the truth in love."
My own C bids me to remember the Apostle Paul's advice to "Speak the truth in love."
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 02:00 PM
Quote:
My own C bids me to remember the Apostle Paul's advice to "Speak the truth in love."
So that's where that came from! All this time, I thought it was Paul McCartney!
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 02:22 PM
Wait a while. Paul M's got his knighthood; Who knows what his next honor might be. (Can there be two Saint Paul's?) 
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 03:37 PM
Hey NCB, there are many St. Pauls. Probably 25 (I recently helped my son pick a Confirmation name....). No doubt the new one would be "St. Paul of Yellow Submarine."
And lwb, great advice from your C. I will likely toss that "truth dart" to my wife during our next divorce conversation.
And lwb, great advice from your C. I will likely toss that "truth dart" to my wife during our next divorce conversation.
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 04:39 PM
Happy Valetines Day, Butterfly.
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 07:24 PM
No Codes
You are so sweet calling Mark a butterfly. LOL
You are so sweet calling Mark a butterfly. LOL
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 08:04 PM
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 08:13 PM
Quote:
Wait a while. Paul M's got his knighthood; Who knows what his next honor might be. (Can there be two Saint Paul's?)
They tried this, but in checking with St. Peter apparently there were no left-handed violin bass harps available.
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 08:44 PM
Happy Valentines day, lwb!!!
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 08:45 PM
Hey lwb.. I hope you have a wonderful Valentines day..
Love and hugs,
tal
Love and hugs,
tal
Re: day by day - 02/14/08 09:13 PM
Originally Posted By: saffie
No Codes
You are so sweet calling Mark a butterfly. LOL
You are so sweet calling Mark a butterfly. LOL
No comment.
I will refrain from a witty retort on this potential double-entendre...
Re: day by day - 02/15/08 02:15 PM
Good morning lwb-
Hope you have a good day. Feeling better?
How are things since H came back?
SueS
Hope you have a good day. Feeling better?
How are things since H came back?
SueS
Re: day by day - 02/15/08 04:40 PM
LWB
Hope things are well with you.
JAK
Hope things are well with you.
JAK
Re: day by day - 02/15/08 11:12 PM
lwb.. hope all is ok..
Re: day by day - 02/16/08 03:30 AM
All is ok. Just had a nice day with my girls, both off school. Tried to get together with Hope tonight, but I couldn't nab a sitter to save my life. We shall meet for lunch next week though.
We leave for Florida next Saturday. H and I have been discussing plans and making reservations (character meals, etc). He seems excited to go, which didn't seem the case a few weeks ago. I think we all are ready for warm weather. The girls are coming out of their own skin they are so excited.
D6 lost yet another tooth (4 in 3 weeks, 5 total). The tooth fairy is going broke. But last night, she left a trail of change with some dollars floating around, from D6's bed to the window and left some 'fairy dust' on the window sill. Must have been when she was trying to get out of the window to fly home. D6 treated it like a crime scene all day, showing everyone, but not letting anyone *too* close. It was darn adorable. Kids are the best.
We leave for Florida next Saturday. H and I have been discussing plans and making reservations (character meals, etc). He seems excited to go, which didn't seem the case a few weeks ago. I think we all are ready for warm weather. The girls are coming out of their own skin they are so excited.
D6 lost yet another tooth (4 in 3 weeks, 5 total). The tooth fairy is going broke. But last night, she left a trail of change with some dollars floating around, from D6's bed to the window and left some 'fairy dust' on the window sill. Must have been when she was trying to get out of the window to fly home. D6 treated it like a crime scene all day, showing everyone, but not letting anyone *too* close. It was darn adorable. Kids are the best.
Re: day by day - 02/16/08 03:44 AM
LWB,
I miss the tooth fairy days! Except there was once when the tooth fairy forgot to come! My daughter was so disappointed and I felt so bad! I love the trail of change and money. And the fairy dust is priceless! You get a gold star for that one! What's even better is one day she'll know there is no such thing as the tooth fairy and mom did it all. That's something she'll never forget.
I also remember our first trip to WDW and our character breakfast. She was so into everything Disney at the time and the wonder in her eyes at meeting Mickey, etc left tears in my eyes. What a dope...
I know you're going to have a great time!
Joie
I miss the tooth fairy days! Except there was once when the tooth fairy forgot to come! My daughter was so disappointed and I felt so bad! I love the trail of change and money. And the fairy dust is priceless! You get a gold star for that one! What's even better is one day she'll know there is no such thing as the tooth fairy and mom did it all. That's something she'll never forget.
I also remember our first trip to WDW and our character breakfast. She was so into everything Disney at the time and the wonder in her eyes at meeting Mickey, etc left tears in my eyes. What a dope...
I know you're going to have a great time!
Joie
Re: day by day - 02/16/08 03:48 AM
That's why I love Disney as much as my kids because I love love love watching their faces....getting autographs....watching the parade...the fireworks.. I never went as a kid, so I really love it now. We couldn't get into Cinderella's castle for a meal (sob! We do it every year....) but we are dining with Mickey and friends one morning. D3 is all talk this year, saying she'll be brave (last year, she didn't cry but was *very* shy), so I can't wait to watch her. When she talks the talk, she usually walks the walk...then comes back with a "You proud of me, Mom?". Sigh...
Re: day by day - 02/16/08 06:14 AM
Hi lwb
Hope you're feeling better. My kids are past the tooth fairy days but i plan on sharing that with my kids. Sounded great i can only imagine her excitement and her moms too.
kids are great arnt they!
light switch
Hope you're feeling better. My kids are past the tooth fairy days but i plan on sharing that with my kids. Sounded great i can only imagine her excitement and her moms too.
kids are great arnt they!
light switch
Re: day by day - 02/16/08 03:21 PM
Thanks light!
Hope everyone has a good Saturday.
Hope everyone has a good Saturday.
Re: day by day - 02/16/08 07:08 PM
Forgot to tell you guys something...
H asked the other day if OW's H had ever returned my call. I told him no. H said "I haven't decided to send the pictures or not." I mentioned that I still am not giving him OW's H cell phone number. H said "I forgot I had his number in my phone (OW's H called when he first found out). I just haven't decided if I should send them or not or just let them be." I didn't say anything, but maybe he is seeing he needs to let their lives move on, however they decide to make it work.
H asked the other day if OW's H had ever returned my call. I told him no. H said "I haven't decided to send the pictures or not." I mentioned that I still am not giving him OW's H cell phone number. H said "I forgot I had his number in my phone (OW's H called when he first found out). I just haven't decided if I should send them or not or just let them be." I didn't say anything, but maybe he is seeing he needs to let their lives move on, however they decide to make it work.
Re: day by day - 02/16/08 07:19 PM
Wouldn't it be nice if OW returned the favor and let your lives be?
Re: day by day - 02/16/08 08:18 PM
hey lwb.
I'm actually glad that ow's h didn't return your call. hopefully you both can be over and done with them...they need to be OUT of your marriage. hopefully it will be easier to let them go (at least for you) because there was no follow thru. at the same time, you don't have to second guess yourself about what to do...you put the ball in his court. well done.
take care of yourself. and omg, how you inpsire me when it comes to the tooth fairy! I think the tooth fairy's north-eastern rep needs to step it up. lol.
I'm actually glad that ow's h didn't return your call. hopefully you both can be over and done with them...they need to be OUT of your marriage. hopefully it will be easier to let them go (at least for you) because there was no follow thru. at the same time, you don't have to second guess yourself about what to do...you put the ball in his court. well done.
take care of yourself. and omg, how you inpsire me when it comes to the tooth fairy! I think the tooth fairy's north-eastern rep needs to step it up. lol.
Re: day by day - 02/16/08 08:52 PM
Originally Posted By: SallyM
and omg, how you inpsire me when it comes to the tooth fairy! I think the tooth fairy's north-eastern rep needs to step it up. lol.
Yeah, she makes all the other tooth fairies look... inadequate...
Re: day by day - 02/16/08 09:13 PM
Hey, folks,
Speaking of the tooth fairy, S7 lost his first tooth while here with his Daddy. I can tell you this, the tooth fairy had a devil of a time getting the little zip-lock bag that contained the particular dental trophy from beneath S7's pillow. But when S7 woke up he found not just a dollar but a brand new shiny gold James Madison dollar coin in its place -- he was ecstatic.
The tooth fairy was otherwise not quite so creative as the one in Missouri. I'll have to see customer service about that.
Speaking of the tooth fairy, S7 lost his first tooth while here with his Daddy. I can tell you this, the tooth fairy had a devil of a time getting the little zip-lock bag that contained the particular dental trophy from beneath S7's pillow. But when S7 woke up he found not just a dollar but a brand new shiny gold James Madison dollar coin in its place -- he was ecstatic.
The tooth fairy was otherwise not quite so creative as the one in Missouri. I'll have to see customer service about that.
Re: day by day - 02/17/08 03:23 AM
Nocode!!! Your tooth fairy was AWESOME!!!! Yay for witnessing the first tooth loss. I can't believe my daughter is only 6 (just barely) and has lost FIVE. Wow, I swear we brush those guys. lol
I don't leave things under her pillow, because if she would find them at 2am, she would NEVER go back to sleep. Tooth fairy likes her beauty rest. She never puts her tooth under there either, usually says "I'm too tired, the tooth fairy'll find it on the kitchen counter".... lol!!!
Yes, Sara. Its been pretty quiet here. H said she still calls from time to time, but he doesn't answer. I was 2 feet from her at the Valentine's party. She arrived right after me, and instead of waiting back a bit, she got right behind me to sign in. Lovely. I ignored her and walked down the hall with some other moms.
Yay for witnessing the first tooth loss. I can't believe my daughter is only 6 (just barely) and has lost FIVE. Wow, I swear we brush those guys. lolI don't leave things under her pillow, because if she would find them at 2am, she would NEVER go back to sleep. Tooth fairy likes her beauty rest. She never puts her tooth under there either, usually says "I'm too tired, the tooth fairy'll find it on the kitchen counter".... lol!!!
Quote:
Wouldn't it be nice if OW returned the favor and let your lives be?
Yes, Sara. Its been pretty quiet here. H said she still calls from time to time, but he doesn't answer. I was 2 feet from her at the Valentine's party. She arrived right after me, and instead of waiting back a bit, she got right behind me to sign in. Lovely. I ignored her and walked down the hall with some other moms.
Re: day by day - 02/18/08 02:16 PM
Hey lwb!!
I didnt know you were going to Disney.... When are you leaving?? We are leaving on the 24th and will be coming back on the 4th. We are staying at Carribean Beach resort..
Ok, so you have to send me a picture of yourself just in case a reconize you at one of the character dining places.. would'nt that be wild!!!
email: tem420@gmail.com
I didnt know you were going to Disney.... When are you leaving?? We are leaving on the 24th and will be coming back on the 4th. We are staying at Carribean Beach resort..
Ok, so you have to send me a picture of yourself just in case a reconize you at one of the character dining places.. would'nt that be wild!!!
email: tem420@gmail.com
Re: day by day - 02/18/08 02:36 PM
Quote:
I was 2 feet from her at the Valentine's party. She arrived right after me, and instead of waiting back a bit, she got right behind me to sign in. Lovely. I ignored her and walked down the hall with some other moms.
Re: day by day - 02/18/08 04:00 PM
LWB,
Maybe the warm weather, time away from OW territory, and your loving detachment will help H think a little bit!
That is so cute about the fairy dust and trailing money. Are ya sure DD isn't pulling the teeth early so that she gets rich?
Have a good day.
JAK
Maybe the warm weather, time away from OW territory, and your loving detachment will help H think a little bit!
That is so cute about the fairy dust and trailing money. Are ya sure DD isn't pulling the teeth early so that she gets rich?
Have a good day.
JAK
Re: day by day - 02/18/08 10:31 PM
jak, LOL!!! She does play and wiggle around in her mouth quite a bit.
tal!! OMG We are dining at Chef Mickey on the 21st, will be in Orlando from the 23rd to the 2nd. VERY COOL. I will email you a picture, and you do the same. alarson71 at hotmail . com
I found out from my friend that H was out Saturday night, flirting and acting like he was 21 yrs old. I am glad she told me, but it hurts. I am tired of him acting single and me, at home, the schmuck married to him. I don't see him changing his mind (about wanting to be single) so I will progress with paperwork and hiring an atty when we return. As messed up as it is, I am very much looking forward to Florida with him and the girls. I think it will be a nice time.
My H is an empty shell, someone very lost. I miss the Old H very much, I really do. And I am very sad for my kids the days to come, for their little innocent hearts learning what the word 'divorce' means. I am going to tell my brother what's going on before I leave, but will wait on my mom when I get back. She is a...difficult..woman and will make this HER drama. I know she loves me and wants me happy but it will be a big deal to tell her and not in a good way
tal!! OMG We are dining at Chef Mickey on the 21st, will be in Orlando from the 23rd to the 2nd. VERY COOL. I will email you a picture, and you do the same. alarson71 at hotmail . com
I found out from my friend that H was out Saturday night, flirting and acting like he was 21 yrs old. I am glad she told me, but it hurts. I am tired of him acting single and me, at home, the schmuck married to him. I don't see him changing his mind (about wanting to be single) so I will progress with paperwork and hiring an atty when we return. As messed up as it is, I am very much looking forward to Florida with him and the girls. I think it will be a nice time.
My H is an empty shell, someone very lost. I miss the Old H very much, I really do. And I am very sad for my kids the days to come, for their little innocent hearts learning what the word 'divorce' means. I am going to tell my brother what's going on before I leave, but will wait on my mom when I get back. She is a...difficult..woman and will make this HER drama. I know she loves me and wants me happy but it will be a big deal to tell her and not in a good way
Re: day by day - 02/18/08 11:01 PM
Lwb,
Im sorry him acting like that, He really is in MLC. Yes he is very lost, and he will someday regret everything that has gone on here!...
Ok, so tomorrow Im going to email you a picture of me to your email address. I will email you what we plan on doing at disney.
We plan on going out one night, I don't know when, but it would be nice to meet you if we could get it together.. of course I would have to tell my H I met you some other way....hehe...
How do you think your brother will react?.. I know what you mean about a difficult mother.. mine is overbearing, and there is no way I could tell her any of this business of what i've been through.. she'd blow a gasket.
Im sorry him acting like that, He really is in MLC. Yes he is very lost, and he will someday regret everything that has gone on here!...
Ok, so tomorrow Im going to email you a picture of me to your email address. I will email you what we plan on doing at disney.
We plan on going out one night, I don't know when, but it would be nice to meet you if we could get it together.. of course I would have to tell my H I met you some other way....hehe...
How do you think your brother will react?.. I know what you mean about a difficult mother.. mine is overbearing, and there is no way I could tell her any of this business of what i've been through.. she'd blow a gasket.
Re: day by day - 02/18/08 11:05 PM
(((((Lwb)))))
My spouse was also out Friday and Saturday nights acting like a d*mn lovesick fool half her age, pretending to be at home sleeping in preparation for busy days of working when it was all a sham. She was gone all night long too -- didn't even come home to take care of our poor dog. She still deludes herself into thinking she's fooling me or something.
I wish it didn't hurt so much -- still.
My spouse was also out Friday and Saturday nights acting like a d*mn lovesick fool half her age, pretending to be at home sleeping in preparation for busy days of working when it was all a sham. She was gone all night long too -- didn't even come home to take care of our poor dog. She still deludes herself into thinking she's fooling me or something.
I wish it didn't hurt so much -- still.
Re: day by day - 02/18/08 11:06 PM
TAL, I messed up the dates. I will be dining at Chef Mickeys on the 28th. Sorry...
My brother will be very supportive, as will his wife, my friend as well. My mother is very overbearing and will not like H after this, not one bit. I can understand why but for some sick reason, I will hate for anyone to think ill of H. Good thing I am in therapy. lol
My brother will be very supportive, as will his wife, my friend as well. My mother is very overbearing and will not like H after this, not one bit. I can understand why but for some sick reason, I will hate for anyone to think ill of H. Good thing I am in therapy. lol
Re: day by day - 02/18/08 11:10 PM
Lwb,
What's even more messed up is I completing understand what you mean about you hating anyone who will think ill of your H.. isn't that freakin messed up!! and Im not in therapy!
I am extremly protective of him (from my mother that is) but only because she always puts me in that position.
What's even more messed up is I completing understand what you mean about you hating anyone who will think ill of your H.. isn't that freakin messed up!! and Im not in therapy!
I am extremly protective of him (from my mother that is) but only because she always puts me in that position.
Re: day by day - 02/18/08 11:49 PM
Originally Posted By: tiredandlost
What's even more messed up is I completing understand what you mean about you hating anyone who will think ill of your H.. isn't that freakin messed up!!
Me too!!
I hope you have a great time in FL. I am totally jealous.. Sooo tired of winter..
Re: day by day - 02/18/08 11:53 PM
but really, I've gotten better then I was about that.. I use to be worse.
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 12:39 AM
I think if Choc was here he would say, why are you protecting them! They made their bed!
On the other hand, I understand. Everyone in my family thinks the world of my H. I wouldn't want them to think bad of him either.
We are just TOO NICE. Too compassionate. Our hearts are too big. Shoot, I don't even like to kill bugs.
So, LWB, good luck with your mom. That's one thing I didn't have to deal with. My immediate family (parents and sisters) knows what he's done, but they still act ok towards him. My H couldn't believe that at first. He kept asking, are you sure they know?
On the other hand, I understand. Everyone in my family thinks the world of my H. I wouldn't want them to think bad of him either.
We are just TOO NICE. Too compassionate. Our hearts are too big. Shoot, I don't even like to kill bugs.
So, LWB, good luck with your mom. That's one thing I didn't have to deal with. My immediate family (parents and sisters) knows what he's done, but they still act ok towards him. My H couldn't believe that at first. He kept asking, are you sure they know?
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 03:46 AM
lwb,
I miss my OLD H, too.
I am going to make a plan for kids.. something special (not Disney... i wish!) Have a great time with nice sunshine! uuu, I miss green on the ground. I don't want any more snow.
Beauty
I miss my OLD H, too.
I am going to make a plan for kids.. something special (not Disney... i wish!) Have a great time with nice sunshine! uuu, I miss green on the ground. I don't want any more snow.
Beauty
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 04:27 AM
Lwb,
I am envious of your trip to WDW. I want to take my two S's there, and the absolute earliest would be this fall, maybe. But it looks like any available funds to support such a trip are likely to be eaten up by the L's.
Perhaps I could stowaway in the wet DB paper bag?
I am envious of your trip to WDW. I want to take my two S's there, and the absolute earliest would be this fall, maybe. But it looks like any available funds to support such a trip are likely to be eaten up by the L's.
Perhaps I could stowaway in the wet DB paper bag?
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 05:29 AM
Thanks nocode. I just saw your other post about your W being out this weekend. I wonder what these people think, when my H, 35 yrs old, hangs out with them (most are in their 20's and single, and btw approved of his R with OW, knowing he was married). Its funny, because I don't want to be out there at bars, etc. I would rather be home with my kids. But my H makes me feel boring and lame because I choose to be home.
And yes, I would love to see you in Orlando, that would be a great place for a DB get together.
PS: Fall would be a GREAT time for you and your sons to visit Orlando. Look at the disney site now, register, and they'll start sending your great package prices/dates.
And yes, I would love to see you in Orlando, that would be a great place for a DB get together.
PS: Fall would be a GREAT time for you and your sons to visit Orlando. Look at the disney site now, register, and they'll start sending your great package prices/dates.
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 02:30 PM
H and I got into a tiff this morning. We both assumed the other would be picking up D3. I have lunch plans (I am still trying Hope, I'll text you...) and he has whatever plans (I don't know, and don't ask). I got frustrated at first and he reacted to my stress. Yucky. I decided to 'high road' it, I nicely apologized, and will find myself (hopefully) a sitter for D3 and go on with my day. I am tired of my plans not being as important as trying to stay young and act single.
I am not going to let it bother me (on the outside LOL) and just let him be, let him do what he needs, and go about life. I am trying my hardest to stay his friend for the D, and I will do just that.
I am not going to let it bother me (on the outside LOL) and just let him be, let him do what he needs, and go about life. I am trying my hardest to stay his friend for the D, and I will do just that.
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 02:50 PM
Morning lwb. Sorry to hear he's still being a pain in the @ss. Why is it that his plans are more important than yours....seems like this is happening all too often. The worst is your daughters are the ones losing out...they shouldn't have to be with a sitter...you and him should be able to balance your time away, so they can be with one of you....but it seems like it's always you. I'm headed to training....let me know about lunch...don't worry if you can't make it....D3 is way more important.
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 04:51 PM
Hope, I have been toying with that all morning. If he is going to be selfish, then I am going to cherish the extra time with D3, rather than get a sitter. We can't balance our time away because H never cares that I have plans. This new H of mine is very selfish that way.
I might have to let you know at the last minute, but if I can't, can you meet tomorrow?
I might have to let you know at the last minute, but if I can't, can you meet tomorrow?
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 05:03 PM
Tomorrow would work too. Sorry he's being such a pain...I know the frustration all too well. Take care.
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 05:34 PM
Lwb,
I really understand how you feel. My H went out last weekend with bunch of early 20's people. Every weekend is a party day and he goes to bar and after party! Drinking till 4-5 am is usual. On top of that, he goes to his friends' bar 2-3 times a week to 'just have a beer or two.'
And he tells me that I am 'no-fun'. but he is 'no-fun' to anyone around him because he text to someone all day long. Even the time kids are talking, having dinner together and while him giving them bath...
Beauty
I really understand how you feel. My H went out last weekend with bunch of early 20's people. Every weekend is a party day and he goes to bar and after party! Drinking till 4-5 am is usual. On top of that, he goes to his friends' bar 2-3 times a week to 'just have a beer or two.'
And he tells me that I am 'no-fun'. but he is 'no-fun' to anyone around him because he text to someone all day long. Even the time kids are talking, having dinner together and while him giving them bath...
Beauty
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 06:11 PM
Lwb,
Sorry about this morning.. they can just ruin the day sometimes!!
Hey you have mail.. just sent you a pic.
Sorry about this morning.. they can just ruin the day sometimes!!
Hey you have mail.. just sent you a pic.
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 08:11 PM
Well I missed my lunch with Hope, but am spending the time with D3 (and had lunch with D6). D3 is sleeping right now.
I am at a loss re: H right now. He just texted me that we now need a sitter today for when I leave for work. I am used to him blowing my plans off, but to not be here for the D3 and getting D6 off the bus? It will throw my little schedule girl (D6) off a lot if a neighbor has to get her off the bus and she wasn't told about it first. I asked him how long we need a sitter (so I can tell the poor sucker I will rope into watching them) and he hasn't answered me.
I am sick to my stomach. All I wanted was a peaceful week before we left for Florida, now I am questioning everything. What is he doing that is SO important? Should I be taking this trip? At this point, the girls would be devastated if we cancelled or I didn't go.
D6 was helping me put on my jewelry this morning. First earrings, then bracelet and watch, then she asks "Where's your ring?". Sigh...
I am at a loss re: H right now. He just texted me that we now need a sitter today for when I leave for work. I am used to him blowing my plans off, but to not be here for the D3 and getting D6 off the bus? It will throw my little schedule girl (D6) off a lot if a neighbor has to get her off the bus and she wasn't told about it first. I asked him how long we need a sitter (so I can tell the poor sucker I will rope into watching them) and he hasn't answered me.
I am sick to my stomach. All I wanted was a peaceful week before we left for Florida, now I am questioning everything. What is he doing that is SO important? Should I be taking this trip? At this point, the girls would be devastated if we cancelled or I didn't go.
D6 was helping me put on my jewelry this morning. First earrings, then bracelet and watch, then she asks "Where's your ring?". Sigh...
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 08:16 PM
Hey, I have an idea.... why don't you leave husband at home and make it a girl's-only trip?
That may make it easier for you. Well, except for the 16 hour drive...
That may make it easier for you. Well, except for the 16 hour drive...
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 08:18 PM
Yeah, but if we flew.......
If only I had $1000 to drop on flights, I would love to do that. However, its H's family's timeshare and I suppose he would get first dibs to take them alone. They would be crushed if I didn't go.
If only I had $1000 to drop on flights, I would love to do that. However, its H's family's timeshare and I suppose he would get first dibs to take them alone. They would be crushed if I didn't go.
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 08:24 PM
lwb-
What is with your H? Sounds so much like mine!
I say still go to FL. You will have a great time with your d's. Maybe H will relax a little and he'll actually have fun too!
Hugs to you.
-Sue
What is with your H? Sounds so much like mine!
I say still go to FL. You will have a great time with your d's. Maybe H will relax a little and he'll actually have fun too!
Hugs to you.
-Sue
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 08:47 PM
((((((lwb))))))
Re: day by day - 02/19/08 11:37 PM
Thanks Hope and Sue.
Hope, lunch isn't looking good tomorrow but its because of work. I'll text you/email you later.
I am just so disappointed in H right now. But I won't show it.
Hope, lunch isn't looking good tomorrow but its because of work. I'll text you/email you later.
I am just so disappointed in H right now. But I won't show it.
Re: day by day - 02/20/08 12:17 AM
No problem about lunch. Just let me know.
I'm so sorry about your H...I wish I could smack some sense into him...he's going to regret this all.
I'm so sorry about your H...I wish I could smack some sense into him...he's going to regret this all.
Re: day by day - 02/20/08 01:16 AM
H called my cell at 6:45pm. He was supposed to be home at 6:00pm. He is 'out with work people' and they want to go to the hockey game. Basically it went like this:
H: How late can (sitter) stay?
Me: You aren't home?
H: I can be in 2 minutes if you need me to be.
Me: (at a loss)
H: How late can (sitter) stay? I am out with work people and they all want to go to the hockey game. What should I do?
Me: Of course the kids would rather you go home to see them.
H: (silence)
Me: You need to call (sitter) to see how late she can stay if you are going to stay out.
H: Ok. Are you sure its ok?
Me: We are paying for a sitter we don't need, but the girls are fine.
H: You don't sound mad.
I changed the subject here. The sitter can stay til 11pm MAX. H knows this, I guarantee he won't be at home on time. I am at a loss here, but am trying to keep it together.
H: How late can (sitter) stay?
Me: You aren't home?
H: I can be in 2 minutes if you need me to be.
Me: (at a loss)
H: How late can (sitter) stay? I am out with work people and they all want to go to the hockey game. What should I do?
Me: Of course the kids would rather you go home to see them.
H: (silence)
Me: You need to call (sitter) to see how late she can stay if you are going to stay out.
H: Ok. Are you sure its ok?
Me: We are paying for a sitter we don't need, but the girls are fine.
H: You don't sound mad.
I changed the subject here. The sitter can stay til 11pm MAX. H knows this, I guarantee he won't be at home on time. I am at a loss here, but am trying to keep it together.
Re: day by day - 02/20/08 07:46 AM
OMG
Wow, it sounds just like me and H. I know how frustrated can be. and I know how much you want your kids to have their daddy before they go to bed. In my case, when I ask H to have kids, they often end up at his parents house.
I am with you, LWB! We will go through this!
Beauty
Wow, it sounds just like me and H. I know how frustrated can be. and I know how much you want your kids to have their daddy before they go to bed. In my case, when I ask H to have kids, they often end up at his parents house.
I am with you, LWB! We will go through this!
Beauty
Re: day by day - 02/20/08 09:42 AM
Quote:
Pass the 2 X 4, my friend. I feel the same way at times. What is wrong with me that H cannot work things out with me, yet OW can sleep with half of St. Louis and her husband takes her back? She gets what she wants, her H gets his family intact, my H is getting the D he most desparately wants, and here I am, the one that can't keep her man. Hugs hurt, I hear ya.
I know I am bringing this quote over from another thread lwb but I just wanted to comment on it - I hope you don't mind.
lwb - there is absolutely nothing that is wrong with you - well as far as we know(LOL). Ask yourself why OW feels the need to sleep with half of St Louis. Her H might take her back each time but the fact that she goes out and does it again is a sign of how unhappy/unbalanced she is.
I know it doesn't seem fair that she 'gets away' with it but is she not on a path to self destruction? Maybe your H is too but YOU are not. You are kind, loving, compassionate, intelligent - all the things required to live your life in a positive manner. Hopefully your H will wake up and smell the coffee before things are beyond repair, but if he doesn't I have no doubt you will be snapped up again as soon as YOU are ready. And all the hard work you have invested in sorting everything out will pay off in the future.
You are such worlds apart from your H's exOW. I do believe time is your friend here - every so often your H appears to show glimmers of his former self but maybe now he has realised what a fool he was he needs to 'release' his behaviour somehow - maybe now he is going out to try and run away from himself because he doesn't like himself; maybe he has just got a little bit further to go to hit rock bottom and then bounce back. I am a great beleiver in timing being so important and unfortunately luck has a big part to play to - you have done so well to keep the road home open to your H - he still needs to find the turning is my guess. Maybe, just maybe, Disney will show him that.
Hang in there........... you are great!!!!!
Re: day by day - 02/20/08 03:24 PM
Ok lwb, Im going to offer you something... i have a timeshare but don't have any points until later on this year.. but we get discounted rates because I belong to RCI.. If you want to go with the girls I can get you a place for probably 3 to 400 dollars for the week but I would have to check since its last minute.
Let me know, I would be happy to do that for you.
Your strong.. and a great person.. he's being incredibly selfish right now.. the alien in him.
Let me know, I would be happy to do that for you.
Your strong.. and a great person.. he's being incredibly selfish right now.. the alien in him.
Re: day by day - 02/20/08 03:52 PM
Wow, tal, you are amazing girl (and cute! PS: You have mail). I am going to stick out Florida with New H, and hope Old H returns for the trip. I have faith he will. I can't thank you enough. Look at this, total strangers working together to make each other happy. Amazing. I am going to email you my cell number so maybe we can meet up some place in Florida.
saffie, Thank you so much. I am in a place where I miss so many things about being a couple: the closeness, the trust, the intimacy, all of that. All of the things H has 'taken' from me. I know now that if we D, when I am ready, I will find someone to share all of those things with. H is making it easier for me to detach by his recent behaviors (I have a gut feeling he is involved with someone new), and that will be good in 2 ways: 1) I can make rational decisions IF H wakes up in time or 2) I will be better off going through the D.
And yes, OW has so many issues. I just feel she (and H of course) robbed me of so many things. I really do hope her conscience gets the best of her late at night. That being said, I am thrilled to see their family stay intact, for the sake of the kids.
Thanks everyone!
saffie, Thank you so much. I am in a place where I miss so many things about being a couple: the closeness, the trust, the intimacy, all of that. All of the things H has 'taken' from me. I know now that if we D, when I am ready, I will find someone to share all of those things with. H is making it easier for me to detach by his recent behaviors (I have a gut feeling he is involved with someone new), and that will be good in 2 ways: 1) I can make rational decisions IF H wakes up in time or 2) I will be better off going through the D.
And yes, OW has so many issues. I just feel she (and H of course) robbed me of so many things. I really do hope her conscience gets the best of her late at night. That being said, I am thrilled to see their family stay intact, for the sake of the kids.
Thanks everyone!
Re: day by day - 02/20/08 05:52 PM
(((((LWB)))))
Re: day by day - 02/21/08 05:28 AM
lwb,
hows your night? i hope peaceful..
((hug))
Beauty
hows your night? i hope peaceful..
((hug))
Beauty
Re: day by day - 02/21/08 09:50 PM
Hi Yoyo. Thanks for the hugs. Email me and let me know how your life is....
Thanks Beauty. Night was quiet, schools were closed today so I got extra time with the girls at home. That was nice.
I am pretty sure H is involved with someone new. This saddens me, but I cannot do a thing about it. We were on and off with ML lately but awhile back I told him to not even come near me if he was involved with someone else. Guess what? He hasn't tried a thing in a few days... I pointed this out today by saying something like "My gut tells me you are involved. I am not fine with it, but can't make your choices for you. I see you are respecting the fact that I can't be with you if you are involved with anyone else". He didn't say a single word. This teeny part of me thinks maybe he is just pulling away from me, and letting me think this, so I can get over him quicker....part the other big part of me thinks that he is ratinalizing this because we are on our way to a D..single lifestyle and all that. Blecky.
Oddly enough, we had a nice day together and I am still looking forward to the trip. Crazy I know...
Thanks Beauty. Night was quiet, schools were closed today so I got extra time with the girls at home. That was nice.
I am pretty sure H is involved with someone new. This saddens me, but I cannot do a thing about it. We were on and off with ML lately but awhile back I told him to not even come near me if he was involved with someone else. Guess what? He hasn't tried a thing in a few days... I pointed this out today by saying something like "My gut tells me you are involved. I am not fine with it, but can't make your choices for you. I see you are respecting the fact that I can't be with you if you are involved with anyone else". He didn't say a single word. This teeny part of me thinks maybe he is just pulling away from me, and letting me think this, so I can get over him quicker....part the other big part of me thinks that he is ratinalizing this because we are on our way to a D..single lifestyle and all that. Blecky.
Oddly enough, we had a nice day together and I am still looking forward to the trip. Crazy I know...
Re: day by day - 02/22/08 12:18 AM
LWB,
Your H seems so confused that maybe that tiny part of you is right, that he's just pulled away for other reasons. No, you can't make choices for him, can you? Is he out more? Calling/texting again? Have you thought about just coming out and asking him?
Joie
Your H seems so confused that maybe that tiny part of you is right, that he's just pulled away for other reasons. No, you can't make choices for him, can you? Is he out more? Calling/texting again? Have you thought about just coming out and asking him?
Joie
Re: day by day - 02/22/08 12:50 AM
He isn't doing anything differently, except the other day when he stayed out when he should have had the kids. I got the "I was with work people...". Could have very well been true, however I have been burned once with the vague answers ("I was with the playgroup.." when he was with OW), so I don't believe him. IF it was work people, there is someone at work. I haven't outright asked him, I am afraid to. But I think I will in Florida.
Calling/texting...who knows...still on vibrate all the time. However, he doesn't use it as a pillow anymore. lol
Calling/texting...who knows...still on vibrate all the time. However, he doesn't use it as a pillow anymore. lol
Re: day by day - 02/22/08 01:14 AM
Originally Posted By: lwb
I haven't outright asked him, I am afraid to.
I hear you. (((HUGS)))
Re: day by day - 02/23/08 09:11 AM
Just wanted to tell everyone I will miss you when I am gone. I doubt there will be Internet (no lap top). Take care!! I will be back next Sunday.
Re: day by day - 02/23/08 05:16 PM
Just wanted to add that my H decided to kick off our vacation by NOT coming home at all last night. If it wasn't for the girls, I would so be staying home. Things will change when we get back. I will do whatever I have to to get him his precious check so he will leave the house. My two options are 1) he stays 2) he goes. They both suck, but #2 gives me my self respect and space that I sooo need and deserve.
After I let him know how I felt about his blatant disrespect, I agreed with him to start the trip off right for the girls. I will do my best.
After I let him know how I felt about his blatant disrespect, I agreed with him to start the trip off right for the girls. I will do my best.
Re: day by day - 02/23/08 05:30 PM
LWB,
OMG! How so very thoughtful and considerate of him. How completely unfair of him to do that the night before vacation. He is unbelievable. Did he have anything to say for himself?
You'll be so into the kids on vacation. Don't let him ruin that.
Sock it to him when you return. You do deserve respect, and a better life.
Have a safe trip.
Joie
OMG! How so very thoughtful and considerate of him. How completely unfair of him to do that the night before vacation. He is unbelievable. Did he have anything to say for himself?
You'll be so into the kids on vacation. Don't let him ruin that.
Sock it to him when you return. You do deserve respect, and a better life.
Have a safe trip.
Joie
Re: day by day - 02/24/08 04:17 AM
lwb,
Someday he will regret what he has done... you and your princesses do not deserve this.. have a great time!
Beauty
Someday he will regret what he has done... you and your princesses do not deserve this.. have a great time!
Beauty
Re: day by day - 02/29/08 02:45 PM
Let's pop lwb up toward the top since she should be back home soon anyway! Is she coming home today or tomorrow?
We missed ya lwb!! Hope you had a great time.
SueS
We missed ya lwb!! Hope you had a great time.
SueS
Re: day by day - 02/29/08 03:11 PM
I heard from lwb and she said that she's having a good time. I think she's back on Sunday.
Re: day by day - 03/01/08 05:15 AM
I saw her thread and thought: cool lwb's back!
light switch
light switch
Re: day by day - 03/02/08 02:04 AM
Lwb,
Just thinking of you while you're gone -- I hope your vacation is going wonderfully for you and yours.
And welcome (when you are) back.
Just thinking of you while you're gone -- I hope your vacation is going wonderfully for you and yours.
And welcome (when you are) back.
Re: day by day - 03/04/08 03:48 AM
Hi everyone!! We (all of us!) had an amazing time. Absolutely wonderful. The girls enjoyed every minute, as did myself and H. I don't regret going one single bit.
That being said, I will list a few things...
1. The night we arrived, I received a text from H while out feeding the fish with D6. It wasn't for me. It wasn't sexual, but flirty. I got back, told him to resend the text to the right person, and went on with my night. After they went to bed, he wanted to talk about it. I told him, I wasn't mad (he was shocked) and that he will be moving out when we get home. He claims he just met her (whoever she is, I didn't ask a thing about her) and they hadn't done anything. Told him, not my concern anymore.
2. We went on the rest of the week as good friends. We were relaxed, comfortable, and had a great time, even together when the girls were asleep. Of course, having happy hour every single night helped that. I have literally dropped the rope and its made an amazing difference in my life, for myself, and for the way I am around H. And the way H treats me is totally different, he is no longer on the defense, there is newfound respect and caring that has been very absent. Everyone says to 'let go' and move on, but honestly, it just won't happen until we are ready. I am ready to let him go, if he needs to go.
3. H cried a lot on the trip during our long talks. Regrets, sadness, lots of messy stuff. I listened.
4. H moved out yesterday. Plan is to keep the girls in their own beds every night, H will come there to watch them when I work. We will get ourselves settled/situated and then make different plans/start the D process. H was very emotional yesterday, packing up things. The girls don't know anything, they won't notice any difference for quite awhile. Finally, our crazy schedules will help something.
I am ok. I am relieved to have him gone, yet miss him and love him like crazy. I will be fine. I know this now. H may not want to be married to me, but I realized I don't deserve to be around someone that doesn't want to be around me. Space will be my friend and enemy, but mostly my friend.
I missed you guys!
That being said, I will list a few things...
1. The night we arrived, I received a text from H while out feeding the fish with D6. It wasn't for me. It wasn't sexual, but flirty. I got back, told him to resend the text to the right person, and went on with my night. After they went to bed, he wanted to talk about it. I told him, I wasn't mad (he was shocked) and that he will be moving out when we get home. He claims he just met her (whoever she is, I didn't ask a thing about her) and they hadn't done anything. Told him, not my concern anymore.
2. We went on the rest of the week as good friends. We were relaxed, comfortable, and had a great time, even together when the girls were asleep. Of course, having happy hour every single night helped that.
I have literally dropped the rope and its made an amazing difference in my life, for myself, and for the way I am around H. And the way H treats me is totally different, he is no longer on the defense, there is newfound respect and caring that has been very absent. Everyone says to 'let go' and move on, but honestly, it just won't happen until we are ready. I am ready to let him go, if he needs to go. 3. H cried a lot on the trip during our long talks. Regrets, sadness, lots of messy stuff. I listened.
4. H moved out yesterday. Plan is to keep the girls in their own beds every night, H will come there to watch them when I work. We will get ourselves settled/situated and then make different plans/start the D process. H was very emotional yesterday, packing up things. The girls don't know anything, they won't notice any difference for quite awhile. Finally, our crazy schedules will help something.
I am ok. I am relieved to have him gone, yet miss him and love him like crazy. I will be fine. I know this now. H may not want to be married to me, but I realized I don't deserve to be around someone that doesn't want to be around me. Space will be my friend and enemy, but mostly my friend.
I missed you guys!
Re: day by day - 03/04/08 03:51 AM
LWB,
Yay, I get to be the first to welcome you back. I'm so glad you had a nice time.
You are so incredibly strong. Have I ever told you that you are my hero?
Hugs,
Yay, I get to be the first to welcome you back. I'm so glad you had a nice time.
You are so incredibly strong. Have I ever told you that you are my hero?
Hugs,
Re: day by day - 03/04/08 03:55 AM
((((((((((Lwb)))))))))))
We missed you!
I am happy for your vacation going well. At the same time, I am so sad for you and your DD's that your H is still lost.
Bittersweet is the word.
We missed you!
I am happy for your vacation going well. At the same time, I am so sad for you and your DD's that your H is still lost.
Bittersweet is the word.
Re: day by day - 03/04/08 04:00 AM
Welcome back LWB!!! Missed you too. Very happy to see everyone enjoyed the trip.
I don't get it. I haven't been texting for very long and I have yet to send a text (knock wood) to the wrong person. I've read about this happening a few different times to different people. I wonder how much of it is truly accidental...
Anyway, I loved the way you handled it. When my wife told me to stop reading the log files from her game a few weeks (months?) back I told her I don't read them anymore because quite frankly I don't care what she is saying to anyone in the game anymore. It's very freeing to be able to honestly say "It's not my concern any more"
It amazes me how we start off on this journey feeling hopeless, helpless and completely alone and then after months of working on ourselves we wake up and finally realize the strength we have gained. I am so happy for you and, at the risk of sounding condescending, very proud of you as well.
I am ok. I am relieved to have him gone, yet miss him and love him like crazy. I will be fine. I know this now. H may not want to be married to me, but I realized I don't deserve to be around someone that doesn't want to be around me.
Great job LWB! Oh, he does NOT deserve to be around you...
Originally Posted By: lwb
...I received a text from H while out feeding the fish with D6. It wasn't for me.
I don't get it. I haven't been texting for very long and I have yet to send a text (knock wood) to the wrong person. I've read about this happening a few different times to different people. I wonder how much of it is truly accidental...
Anyway, I loved the way you handled it. When my wife told me to stop reading the log files from her game a few weeks (months?) back I told her I don't read them anymore because quite frankly I don't care what she is saying to anyone in the game anymore. It's very freeing to be able to honestly say "It's not my concern any more"
Originally Posted By: lwb
Everyone says to 'let go' and move on, but honestly, it just won't happen until we are ready. I am ready to let him go, if he needs to go.
It amazes me how we start off on this journey feeling hopeless, helpless and completely alone and then after months of working on ourselves we wake up and finally realize the strength we have gained. I am so happy for you and, at the risk of sounding condescending, very proud of you as well.
Originally Posted By: lwb
I am ok. I am relieved to have him gone, yet miss him and love him like crazy. I will be fine. I know this now. H may not want to be married to me, but I realized I don't deserve to be around someone that doesn't want to be around me.
Great job LWB! Oh, he does NOT deserve to be around you...
Re: day by day - 03/04/08 12:58 PM
Welcome back, LWB. I ditto what everyone else said...
I read your post a couple times and then saw your signature about the caterpillar becoming a butterfly. Butterflys need space to fly, no doubt about it.
I read your post a couple times and then saw your signature about the caterpillar becoming a butterfly. Butterflys need space to fly, no doubt about it.
Re: day by day - 03/04/08 02:24 PM
Hi lwb-
Welcome back! As you can see, we all missed you. I know you're ready to let go, but I'm still sorry to see that he was texting someone on your vacation. Still inconsiderate.
You seem so strong. Your girls are lucky to have you as their mom. You'll be an incredible role model for them.
Need to run. I've been out sick and I'm up to my eye balls in work.
Have a great day.
SueS
Welcome back! As you can see, we all missed you. I know you're ready to let go, but I'm still sorry to see that he was texting someone on your vacation. Still inconsiderate.
You seem so strong. Your girls are lucky to have you as their mom. You'll be an incredible role model for them.
Need to run. I've been out sick and I'm up to my eye balls in work.
Have a great day.
SueS
Re: day by day - 03/04/08 04:25 PM
Originally Posted By: Yoyowife
LWB,
You are so incredibly strong. Have I ever told you that you are my hero?
Hugs,
You are so incredibly strong. Have I ever told you that you are my hero?
Hugs,
Yoyo said exactly what I was thinking! Welcome back! Karen
Re: day by day - 03/04/08 04:28 PM
Ditto
Re: day by day - 03/04/08 08:23 PM
LWB,
I want to be just like you when I grow up.
Really you are an amazing woman.
Take care and just breath.
Im glad you had a good trip and that the girls loved it.
JAK
I want to be just like you when I grow up.
Really you are an amazing woman.
Take care and just breath.
Im glad you had a good trip and that the girls loved it.
JAK
Re: day by day - 03/04/08 11:13 PM
Wow, thanks everyone.
H was home last night and all day today because of the weather. I realized today that I actually miss him more when he is right there in front of me. Make sense? He was angry today, venting about our situation, blaming me a lot. It wasn't loud, just venting, but I listened. He is so lost. I will not be strong all the time by myself, but I am going to remain strong in front of him. He needs to move on (at least he thinks so), I will show him I will be fine (I will be!) when he does this.
What a mess, but I just need to step back and breathe (thanks jak, so true). I can do this.
H was home last night and all day today because of the weather. I realized today that I actually miss him more when he is right there in front of me. Make sense? He was angry today, venting about our situation, blaming me a lot. It wasn't loud, just venting, but I listened. He is so lost. I will not be strong all the time by myself, but I am going to remain strong in front of him. He needs to move on (at least he thinks so), I will show him I will be fine (I will be!) when he does this.
What a mess, but I just need to step back and breathe (thanks jak, so true). I can do this.
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 01:10 AM
Originally Posted By: lwb
What a mess, but I just need to step back and breathe (thanks jak, so true). I can do this.
lwb- You are right, as jak said, you can do this.
Getting past the hurt is hard and I'm still working on that, but I see things that I no longer want to live with. Realizing that my H has always had a lot more anger than I can live with. He can fly off the handle at a moments notice. I don't want to live with that anymore. I don't want D3 to grow up with that. I don't want to worry if I'll set him off even more. Just a lot of things. I am very, very hurt, but I'm getting a lot closer to being ready to say good-bye and as you said, let the rope drop. At least I think I'm using that analogy in the same manner.
Have a good night lwb and thanks for offering to care for me while sick! You're an absolutely amazing woman.
SueS
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 01:35 AM
Quote:
I don't want D3 to grow up with that. I don't want to worry if I'll set him off even more
Sue, in the past 2 days, H has made D3 cry a lot. It breaks my heart (and his, when he comes out of his anger fog). He will tell her too sternly what to do, she will say "Ok" and walk out of the room, and H will find her crying. She even said today "You hurt my feelings, that's rude to me".
I know our (H and mine) day was tense together and this is why this happened. My patience with the kids wears thinner than normal when I am stressed about H, and I am hoping more space from each other heals this for both of us. I don't voice my disapproval to H, he can see the hurt in my face when the girls are upset. He knows what he is doing. We just need to face the music and step up for the kids more. Hugs Sue!
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 01:56 AM
Originally Posted By: lwb
She even said today "You hurt my feelings, that's rude to me".
I wish we were all so honest and forthcoming. Bless her heart.
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 02:28 AM
I know, she called to tell me goodnight, and I heard her little "Hi Mama, night night" and I melted. She is so tough, yet so fragile. Heaven help our kiddos...
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 02:53 AM
I've said it before; I'll say it again: It just tears me up what the actions of these WAS' do to all of these kids.
Lwb, I have complete faith that you will come out better and stronger no matter what your H does. You are awesome.
Lwb, I have complete faith that you will come out better and stronger no matter what your H does. You are awesome.
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 05:35 AM
Hi LWB. A couple of things that have been on my mind. I completely understand missing your husband more when he is actually right there than when he is absent. The same happened to me. When the spouse is not there, we can remember how it used to be. They aren't in our face reminding us how different things have become. As another one of the "in-house separation" crew, my hat is off to you because I know how tough it has been.
Since your H is moving (has moved?) I think some boundaries need to be set. Most importantly in my mind is the fact that he can't be allowed to make your life miserable while he's there. If he wants to bitch about how horrible he feels because of you, then he needs to grow a set and stay away and finally realize his own accountability - and I don't just mean the A.
He has to understand that living separate lives means that he can no longer assume that you are going to be there to listen to his tirades about how horrible things are.
Finally, if he's going to be any kind of a father, he needs to recognize what he is doing when he's being 'rude' to the kids. If any of my kids told me that I would be crushed.
I know that this is preaching to the choir. I sure wish I could sit with him and help him to understand the lunacy of his actions.
As always, I'll be thinking of you and your girls.
Since your H is moving (has moved?) I think some boundaries need to be set. Most importantly in my mind is the fact that he can't be allowed to make your life miserable while he's there. If he wants to bitch about how horrible he feels because of you, then he needs to grow a set and stay away and finally realize his own accountability - and I don't just mean the A.
He has to understand that living separate lives means that he can no longer assume that you are going to be there to listen to his tirades about how horrible things are.
Finally, if he's going to be any kind of a father, he needs to recognize what he is doing when he's being 'rude' to the kids. If any of my kids told me that I would be crushed.
I know that this is preaching to the choir. I sure wish I could sit with him and help him to understand the lunacy of his actions.
As always, I'll be thinking of you and your girls.
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 03:15 PM
Quote:
If any of my kids told me that I would be crushed.
Me too. I feel bad when I accidentally scratch them. H was visibly upset when she said that to him. He needs to grow up and count to 10 like the rest of us adults do. D3 isn't permanently damaged by his recent stern behavior, but she will be 'chipped away' if it continues.
Funny that you said he needs to grow a set. His 80 yr old father told him to "put his pants back on, get back to the house, and fix the marriage." LOL Of course, he welcomes H there, but he did have his say. And yes, H has moved. Been gone since Sunday. But he will be here a lot, most of the time I won't be here, so that's good. We both need space.
Thanks Michael for your thoughtful post.
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 03:26 PM
Quote:
His 80 yr old father told him to "put his pants back on, get back to the house, and fix the marriage."
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 03:50 PM
Quote:
From my experience....turning your head the other way ruins more lives than saying what you think.
Ditto
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 04:13 PM
Well, you might think so. Hearing about it might give you a sense of righteous satisfaction. But in a case like this, grandfather's criticism is unlikely to be helpful.
A WAH needs to figure out what HE WANTS for himself, beyond any guilting, beyond any "shoulds". The more guilt and shoulds piled upon him, the more difficult it is for him to see what he wants for himself. And only if the WAH returns because it is what he wants for himself will the M stand a chance of being healthy and lasting.
A WAH needs to figure out what HE WANTS for himself, beyond any guilting, beyond any "shoulds". The more guilt and shoulds piled upon him, the more difficult it is for him to see what he wants for himself. And only if the WAH returns because it is what he wants for himself will the M stand a chance of being healthy and lasting.
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 04:19 PM
Quote:
Well, you might think so. But in a case like this, grandfather's criticism is unlikely to be helpful.
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 04:33 PM
Maybe none of them did what they really could to help him — listen with compassion, without judgment, but with genuine concern for his welfare. Genuine support (not of his actions, but of his person) is better than judging OR ignoring what is going on his life.
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 05:28 PM
Quote:
Genuine support (not of his actions, but of his person) is better than judging OR ignoring what is going on his life.
Re: day by day - 03/05/08 07:01 PM
hey lwb and welcome back!
Re: day by day - 03/07/08 08:32 PM
Just wanted to link you guys some pictures........
http://s22.photobucket.com/albums/b310/meganandsarah/
http://s22.photobucket.com/albums/b310/meganandsarah/
Re: day by day - 03/07/08 08:47 PM
What beautiful girls.
Re: day by day - 03/07/08 08:47 PM
Hi lwb! Hope your day is going well.
Nuts! I can't view the pictures at work. Can't wait to get home and look at them.
-SueS
Nuts! I can't view the pictures at work. Can't wait to get home and look at them.
-SueS
Re: day by day - 03/07/08 09:13 PM
LWB,
The pics are great! Thanks for sharing.
Are ya'll getting any of the snow today that came out of Texas? We've got about 4 inches so far and it's still snowing.
The pics are great! Thanks for sharing.
Are ya'll getting any of the snow today that came out of Texas? We've got about 4 inches so far and it's still snowing.
Re: day by day - 03/07/08 09:27 PM
Nice pictures, LWB. Glad you had a good time in Florida, and got a chance to go to the beach.
Re: day by day - 03/08/08 05:32 AM
LWB~
I am glad you had great vacation. And it must be hard for you to have separation. I hope you have time for yourself sometimes.. (but I know it is not easy..) I know what you meant about 'I miss you more when you are here with me' I had the disconnected feeling over the years... It is getting better.. I don't know why..possibly detaching..?
Beauty
I am glad you had great vacation. And it must be hard for you to have separation. I hope you have time for yourself sometimes.. (but I know it is not easy..) I know what you meant about 'I miss you more when you are here with me' I had the disconnected feeling over the years... It is getting better.. I don't know why..possibly detaching..?
Beauty
Re: day by day - 03/08/08 05:13 PM
Boy this is hard. I have to say this is the hardest year of my life, hands down. I waver every minute from "I'm fine" to falling apart. I never thought my body could produce so many tears. Must be all the water I drink. But I am holding it together, enjoying at least the freedom of being a single mom. I also enjoy the freedom of being distanced from H's drama, his single life (you know my mind goes crazy at times!!), and all the other things that go along with a WAS.
I can do this. I will do this. I feel a certain amount of distance from H this week, but I suppose that is necessary for both of us to carry on with sanity. H looks 100 years old. I am sleeping, but not eating too much. I am back to my 'food is gross' feeling, but when I do eat, I make sure its healthy.
H took D6 to her Girl Scout father/daughter dance last night. Darn him for looking so handsome when he came to get her.
OW's H called me yesterday (he has called before but I answered this time). They are doing Retro this weekend. He trusts her that she wants to work on things, but doesn't trust her to never cheat again. They are having a hard time. I was nothing but supportive, for the sake of their kids. Once my biggest fear was H moving out and being with OW full time, funny how things change.
I can do this. I will do this. I feel a certain amount of distance from H this week, but I suppose that is necessary for both of us to carry on with sanity. H looks 100 years old. I am sleeping, but not eating too much. I am back to my 'food is gross' feeling, but when I do eat, I make sure its healthy.
H took D6 to her Girl Scout father/daughter dance last night. Darn him for looking so handsome when he came to get her.
OW's H called me yesterday (he has called before but I answered this time). They are doing Retro this weekend. He trusts her that she wants to work on things, but doesn't trust her to never cheat again. They are having a hard time. I was nothing but supportive, for the sake of their kids. Once my biggest fear was H moving out and being with OW full time, funny how things change.
Re: day by day - 03/08/08 06:11 PM
Hey lwb.. don't have long to talk but wanted to say how sorry I am for your hurt.. but im hoping this is a good thing for you eventually.. to really know what life is like without you.
H is due home any moment.. I thought of you on my vacation.. wondering where you were.. hoping I would have bumped into you. Next time though.. My vacation didnt go as planned, but im learning to except dissapointment.
thinking of you and those beautiful D's of yours.
tal
H is due home any moment.. I thought of you on my vacation.. wondering where you were.. hoping I would have bumped into you. Next time though.. My vacation didnt go as planned, but im learning to except dissapointment.
thinking of you and those beautiful D's of yours.
tal