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AndrewP, bttrfly, Dawn70, DnJ, kml, Mach1
Total Likes: 15
Original Post (Thread Starter)
#2935986 07/13/2022 11:54 AM
by Ginger1
Previous Thread:

Single tired female

Also, I am currently having a bit of a scary experience with a guy from the apps. We were talking and made a date which I had to cancel. I offered a reschedule and he chose a day he was bringing his car to the dealership and said I could pick him up from the dealer and we will have a day date. I was caught off guard, said it’s a possibility.

A day later I was getting texts from a number that wasn’t saved. He was telling me it was him and he got a new number but didn’t know his own number and I could tell him what it was. Eeeeie. I sent him a screenshot that showed his number and he kept bugging out asking what his number was. It got too weird for me, I was leaving for my dads and off I went . Later he sends me a text apologizing and said he hopes our date was still on. I didn’t want to answer then and there. He continues to text and reaches out on the two apps ( we matched on both) and I decided I wasn’t going to respond, I was creeped. He sent another text and I blocked him. And then yesterday he tried to send me a facebook friend request.

This is a situation in which is women Ghost
Liked Replies
#2936266 Jul 17th a 06:14 PM
by Dawn70
And I agree with everything bttrfly said, adults can take care of adults, but G’s main priority is taking care of little G and helping her get through this mess with as little damage as possible.
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#2936276 Jul 17th a 07:38 PM
by bttrfly
so to further clarify, here's the parallel:

Ginger knows about this. It's incumbent upon Ginger to provide a safe space for Little G to process this, and getting professional help is perfect. Great idea.

My son's godfather, grandmother and step granddad as well as exh's bff all knew about it. I can let BFF off the hook= he has no moral obligation to my son. I can even let the godfather off the hook - not everyone takes that responsibility seriously. But the grandparents? no. they both had a moral obligation to my SON not ME. MY SON who carried this with him.

Ginger has a moral obligation to little G, not wife #2.

Ginger also has to co-parent with this guy for minimally another four years and ideally the rest of little G's life, certainly through the college years. How Ginger handles this with her exh will forever change their co-parenting of Little G. Little G is the priority as is safeguarding her and their co-parenting relationship.

wife #2 is on her own.
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#2936008 Jul 13th a 02:05 PM
by Drew
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Let’s just say his interest level is high. And he is extremely genuine . He will be away for a few weeks and D is away. I don’t think accepting a date 3 days later is going to make or break or us.

He has been separated for a few months. They had been separated before that as well. It’s a short term marriage and no children came from it. She was a manipulative binge drinker and abusive when she drank. He was done after giving her another chance . Papers are almost signed. He closes on his new place tomorrow.( he was not living with her in the meantime )

We had a candid open talk last night . He’s not the “I’m free woohoo type” but we both agreed that he does need his time single and to take a breather from everything . We agreed to be friends that kiss, lol. I have decided I am not going to have sex with him and I told him as much and he’s completely understanding . He’s seriously kind sweet and empathetic.
We know timing timing stinks.

Anyways, for the men out there. Does he have a good career stay fit and dress nice, and drive a decent car ? Yes. Ia that attractive ? Sure. But the most attractive part of his is his genuinity, not trying to be a certain way because he thinks that’s what women wants. He comes as his self . And we can sniff out when men are trying to be what they think a woman wants to be rather than just being themselves . Vulnerability , honesty, good conversation that goes beyond the surface level. Very attractive. His love for his family is as well.


Life is short. Make it count.

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#2936004 Jul 13th a 01:44 PM
by bttrfly
LH, interesting the quotes you picked and chose from my post.

I'm not letting you off the hook so easily, so I will repeat those parts here:

Originally Posted by Bttrfly
I imagine you sitting there with a notebook avidly copying down things you can use to manipulate your next date.

This is how your posts come off. Think about it. What was your motivation? To see if the kiss worked, because you need proof, not folklore?

Is that authentic?

What I'm saying here is you may think you're 100% natural, but that's not how the vast majority of your posts read.

In your posts you absolutely objectify women. We don't seem to be people to you. It reads like we're more of a science experiment that you're trying out various hypotheses on to see what sticks, and what gives you your desired results. If the results aren't what you desire than obviously the women are the problem and we all want high status, tall, whatever the laundry list is men and the rest of you don't stand a chance.

Keeps you in a box.

Free yourself from the box and stop objectifying us please.
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#2936026 Jul 13th a 03:24 PM
by Cadet
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by bttrfly
I am not reaching when I say you objectify women in the vast majority of your posts.
I would prefer you to pull example from my threads to prove your point. Until than I consider it slander.
what so I have to go pull "evidence" otherwise I'm blowing smoke out of my @$$? Tell you what, in the interest of efficiency I'll just wait til your next post and point it out to you in real time.
BF its cool. You know I need evidence or I can't take anyone seriously.

A REAL woman is giving you a REAL POV - don't blow it off.

Like J3B said if it stings - better look at it.
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#2936030 Jul 13th a 03:37 PM
by Mach1
Originally Posted by LH19
Cadet I am not blowing it off I take her accusations very seriously.

Do you trust her opinion ?

Do you trust what anyone else reads in your words ???

Maybe you could , since you seem to be taking these allegations seriously, trust a perspective that may not fit with your current one, and read back through some of these threads and try to see it from a different perspective...

"Work on yourself" shouldn't involve someone else doing it for you....You gain nothing from having others do that for you....

You can give a man a fish and he eats for a day....or teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime....
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#2936205 Jul 16th a 05:04 PM
by Traveler
@Andrew - Props on being strong enough to do what you believed right despite an "angry mob" attacking you. We should strive to always do what we believe best honors our commitments to our loved ones, ourselves, and our friends.
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#2936179 Jul 16th a 03:08 AM
by Valeska19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
V- I don’t feel as if I am wasting time because I am enjoying myself. And honestly, he is someone I would be friends with . I’m not committing myself to anything or putting too my effort or heart into it.

As far as “need to be single” It’s not so much his need to be single . It’s the need to settle into his new place on his own and deal with the divorce.

I swear we are just 2 people right now having lots of fun hanging out.

hmm.. I think everyone should be single for just a little bit in order to figure out what the h3ll happened. But that's just my humble opinion... as well as any good therapist'

Just out of curiosity... when he talks about his wife and their relationship.. how is he? I realize that she has a problem but does he ever say what part he played? You know more than most how this kind of disease can affect a whole family. How does he speak of her currently?
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#2936222 Jul 16th a 10:10 PM
by MLCxH
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by Traveler
Originally Posted by MLCxH
Whatever the case, I don't feel implying she is the OW in the relationship is productive. Yes, I understand we have a lot of LBS in this forum and they are sensitive to this, but that is something they need to work on. It is not G's responsibility to live up to other people's moral standards.
you guys are aware that this is a DIVORCE BUSTING site, and Michele WD is PRO MARRIAGE, right? It's a 'know your audience' thing

Ginger said the guy is done with his wife and in the process of getting divorced. He is not trying to bust his marriage. Are you aware that being pro marriage does not mean forcing someone who has filed for D to stay married? Please stop with the misleading posts. Typing something in caps does not give your statements credibility.
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#2936240 Jul 17th a 12:15 PM
by Dawn70
I’m so sorry, G! How horrific for little G and for you to have to watch her deal with it. I agree with BL in that, if the news is going to come out to his W, it should NOT come from Little G. While I understand the viewpoint that W deserves to know, little G, for all intents and purposes, is still a child and you just don’t involve a child in grown folks business, no matter how mature she is. Seeking counseling to help her through it is a great idea and I hope it brings you both the solace you need to make it through all this. You are strong, G, and you are teaching your daughter to be as well.

(((((G and little G))))) I’m sending up all the positive vibes for both of you.
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#2936265 Jul 17th a 06:13 PM
by Dawn70
I agree that people deserve to know but I do not think a child is the one to tell and if G is working with her and a therapist to process it all then that does NOT make little G complicit in the affair. I stand firm in my position that children should not be put in the middle of adult issues. If G wants to tell, well, G is a grown woman so more power to her but I will continue to believe that it is G’s XH’s responsibility, and his alone, to tell the secret. Making G or little G responsible, in any way, for informing wife 2, is beyond cruel, in my opinion.
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#2936274 Jul 17th a 07:25 PM
by bttrfly
to be crystal clear: what was destructive to my son was the fact that the many, many adults who knew about exh's affair did nothing to provide my son a safe place to talk about it.

that's on my exh, my son's godfather, my ex-MIL and her husband, and my exh's bff.

Not one of those people had any responsibility to insert themselves between me and my exh by telling me of his affair, and in fact, I'm glad they didn't.

What I cannot forgive today is their purposeful abandonment of my son when he really needed an adult to walk him through this.

if someone had told me, it would have forever changed my relationship with that person, and likely not for better.

the damage from their telling me to both our relationship and their relationship to exh would have created further collateral damage to our son.

the best of all worlds here is for big Daddyo to man up for little G's sake.
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