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bttrfly, OwnIt, Samoy
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Original Post (Thread Starter)
by Samoy
Samoy
Hi,

My husband is in withdrawal. My bomb drop was in October 2019. Moved out in April 2021. He boomerangs back and forth. He comes home 3-4 days a week. We do not communicate. His monster during the pandemic was horrible. I have PTSD. It triggered my own stuff from my mom.

We have a mediation the following Monday. We had a trial last week. He then wrote me horrible texts and emails calling me a user because I asked him to invest in a stock that went through the roof years later. He said it was his money, not mine, henceforth, I am a user.

He came home two days later as nothing happened and walked our dogs and advised me how to handle them better. They are rotts and are very protective. They probably sensed his emotional instability and stepped up for him. They do the same with me when I am down. I have to get myself together when walking them.

He stopped walking our dogs two years ago. He ignores them 90% of the time. His spending time with them is DIFFERENT.

I told him thanks for thinking of caring.

In the court and this past weekend, he actually looked me in the eyes and held it.

One thing we had in common in court, was red eyes. We both cried.

Before this started in 2019 he came to bed and almost under me said, "Sammy, I am afraid of becoming angry like my dad." I was like that will never happen. I didn't know the storm coming.

I am at my witts end.

Not delusional. I know he still loves me. I feel his love. He's having an affair with someone on his job. He's had other affairs. I was in a depression with my dad, and two uncles dying back to back.

I am out and dealing with his stuff. I had to pick my battles.

Not sure what's my question. Maybe I am looking for a magic bullet to get him out of the tunnel.

When he left he was back to being mad at me Sunday.

He has shown signs he wants back in like leaving clues, however, he hasn't ended it with OW.

Can someone explain what late-stage withdrawal looks like and withdrawal into acceptance?


I may be all over the place, excuse me. Wanting to get some out.
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by kml
kml
Quote
I know he still loves me. I feel his love. He's having an affair with someone on his job. He's had other affairs.

This isn’t love, honey. You deserve better. Ask yourself why you think a guy who cheats on you repeatedly is the partner you want?
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by Eagle3
Eagle3
Hi Samoy,

Just wanted to let you know that it might be interesting for you to read my story. There you can clearly see that my ex-H made progress very regularly and you could sometimes even distinguish the different stages he went through, but eventually to return completely to the former stages again, something that is also made clear here by the people who have a lot of knowledge of MLC, namely that the stages are not linear at all, so the bottom line is that you can never know in which phase of the process your H is.

For me the message was 'letting go completely' and living a life of my own, this apart from him. This has not only brought me happiness again, but also put a complete stop on the constant eager to analyze him.

The first 3 years I sincerely thought that we would definitely reconcile but the last 6 months I don't need a reconciliation anymore.

It is however ultimately his process and he and he alone can make sure he can fully get through it, which I sincerely hope for him.

I know how confusing it can be when they show signs of making progress. Please just read it and I think you'd better understand what I wanted to say here.

Take care!
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by bttrfly
bttrfly
Samoy thank you for your post. That's a lot to unpack and I'd be very confused by some of his behaviors as well. I've read it through a couple of times and my conclusion is that Mach's suggestion is a really good one. Check back in here after you read that link ... I think some of your questions will be answered through the reading - asking you to check back in because I think you'll have other questions after you've read it completely.

We're here for you.

Hope this helps.
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