As for the advice - yes, sometimes we here can see things more clearly from a distance. But then again, none of us are living your life or know the people involved. So you can listen to the advice but do need to make your own decisions. I think you made the right one in ending that relationship. She didn't sound like a match for you.
Staying true to yourself is absolutely key. If you want to travel and hike as much as you portray here, then by all means, keep on keeping on. If that activity level is important to your staying true, I caution you to pick a partner who understands that and can either keep up or is willing to be ok with you spending time separately to do it. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but I can see where issues could arise if you either expect a less active person to come up to your level or you pick someone who is very clingy then expect them to be ok with being apart a lot of the time for you to go do your own thing. Now, having said that, I think all partnerships should involve a healthy amount of separate activity time. I also realize, though, that some people need that togetherness, so don't pick one of those.
One thing that you mentioned awhile back in a post and LH pressed you on it was that dating is a "winter hobby" while hiking and travel and all are more spring, summer, fall (I'm paraphrasing here, so please forgive me if I didn't get it exactly right, but I got the gist of what you said). I don't think that is necessarily a bad way to look at things but I would certainly caution you if that is how you really feel that maybe taking a dating break during those times of high activity might be the way to go. It sounds like you had a GREAT time yesterday that didn't involve any romantic entanglement. It was just about you and your family. Don't "tame" yourself to suit someone else, but also remember that while you shouldn't change yourself to suit others, you also shouldn't expect others to change themselves for you.
Yes, I plan to and typically do take a break from serious dating during my busy periods!
How does one take a break from “serious dating”? Or perhaps, how does one define “serious dating”? This struck me last week when it was first brought up. It’s almost like seasonal dating. Do non-dating things in the spring, summer and into fall and date from about October through March. But is that not casual dating? How can dating or a relationship be serious if it is put on hold or at least put on the back burner for more than half the year? It doesn’t seem serious to me. It’s much more casual. Actually, it seems like you are wanting casual dating but are calling it serious. It may be serious in the moment but certainly not over the long term if other things then take priority.
Imagine this truth being placed in an OLD profile:
“Looking for a deep connection with someone I can love, spend a lot of time with and call my girlfriend or partner - for about 5 months out of the year when I’m not busy doing the things that are much more important to me. Hit me up and let’s go on a 10 mile hike and finish with an over-the-top romantic picnic first date. Sex in the woods is optional.”
CW…baffled? Really???? I don’t know if you really don’t get it, you’re being deliberately obtuse, or you’re trolling us, but you have posted that you’d give K another shot if she changed. YOU said it, but then you respond to me and say you’re baffled about why you’d want a repeat unless there’s fundamental change. You also said you don’t expect her to change but again, YOU just said you’d give it another go if there were fundamental change. You say you didn’t hook her. I don’t think I’m the only one who would contend your hikes and picnics could easily be construed by her as an opening back to relationship status. I never said I wouldn’t be jealous. What I meant was it is callous to act like a jealous boyfriend at an event, but I was trying not to say it that way because I thought it sounded harsh.
I think I have said this before but even if I have, I’m going to say it again…it is perfectly ok to take some actual time apart from someone you have had a romantic relationship with even if you go back to being friends later. Whether you think so or not, keeping close contact with her and having weekly interactions is giving her hope that the relationship door is going to open wide again. I get that you were friends before the relationship and this is why people keep urging you to date outside your friend group. I understand that you don’t agree with my previous post, based on your responses, but in doing weekly solo activities, you are keeping her on the hook, and though I don’t know this woman from Eve, I AM a woman and I know how women think. Like I said, I know you disagree and that is fine, but when several of us are getting the same thing from your posts, maybe there is some validity to what we’re saying. Just something to think about.
Here's a suggestion: instead of asking for advice here, why don't you simply ask the woman in question, discuss it like adults and go from there? Direct. No drama.
If that's what you've done, great.
That's what we did from the start--she asked to stay friends, I said I'll try, she said she'd like more but she'll try, and we're having the interactions we feel best. That doesn't alleviate all the tension--love, desire, jealousy.
I've been working with an accountability coach. Beyond being on track to spend $1500 less this month I've lost weight, my work backlog's down, and my home's more manageable. A dump truck full of stuff was removed today!
All good stuff. Love to hear progress on the finances, physique, work backlog, and home de-cluttering.
Originally Posted by Traveler
I miss AnotherStander; he gave me and others the most amazing advice in Newcomers.
I agree. AnotherStander gave great advice. It'd be nice to hear an update and have him chime in on other threads.
Originally Posted by Traveler
I'm still here, doing what I can to help the occasional Newcomers.
Keep it up with the Newcomers. In the heart of my sitch just getting any response at all and knowing someone took the time to read and care helped me tremendously. Content aside, the simple gesture was comforting during the worse period in my life. It'd be great if more vets chimed in over there.
Awhile ago, Andrew shared his philosophy on dating: how a person cares for their car is a glimpse into how they care for other things in life. In Andrew's version of Tinder, instead of ladies wearing tight pants to show off their arse or men taking selfies of their.. abs.. it's whose trunk reigns supreme?!
I had mixed feelings about that. Before any date, I tossed all but a few strategic items into a bag and then visited a car wash. It's easy to fake a clean car. I still had to explain why my engine made a funny noise, why my registration sticker was the wrong color, or why I couldn't return the item I borrowed that was in my trunk now but give me a day. I was never open to spontaneously going in my car when we'd planned to walk or take their car.
My home is in such better shape. Today is devoted to car love. I repaired the damage my car received and updated the nav system so I can find places hands-free. it was in "okay" shape to drive my BFF yesterday. Today is set aside for exterior washing, internal detailing, and changing out simple parts that look helluva old so my car looks "very good" again.
One thing that I do for the winter is have a "ditch bag" that contains everything I might need if I have an accident. I put it in after the first frost and take it out when I switch back to my summer tires.
You may want to consider having an "adventure" or "party" tote pre-packed that you can just toss in if the inspiration strikes.
For a lot of the safety stuff like my jumper cables, tow rope, fire extinguisher etc, in the cars I've had, there's an amazing amount of room around the spare tire to stow that out of the way. If you were to take a look in the trunk of my car there's two blankets, a wheel chock and a high visibility vest (in case I have to stop on the side of the road) and the rest appears to be empty. The last time I cleaned it out I did realize that I need to refresh my first-aid kit which I still need to do.
Personally, I don't understand the people who don't have a garbage can of some sort in their cars but a lot of people seemingly don't. I have a small one that hangs from the back of the centre console that I put paper bags into - when the paper bag gets full of trash, toss it and put in a fresh one.
That’s good news. But one caution for you - take it slowly as you increase activity. Doing too much too soon often results in relapse, and Long Covid can sometimes start two months after recovery from the initial infection. I know you like to push hard, but take it slowly at first.
@kml, Biden really brought rebounds to the forefront. I'm quickly realizing 5 days + 2 negative tests or 10 days is "good enough" for work, but not "good enough" to see my girlfriend and keep her safe.
We're doing watch parties and socially-distanced easy hikes for now.
@Don, among people I know (age 40+) who caught it, there have been many serious health consequences. Ms. Sunshine's dad caught it and died. K's sister caught it and she has symptoms 6 months later. My Traveling BFF and her sister and her dad caught it and the dad ended up in the ICU with life-threatening issues. My BFF caught it and was knocked out with a fever for 3 days. My brother, his GF, and his XW caught it and they lost their sense of taste for a month. Chocolate still tastes wrong to XW. For the stats-minded, 1 of 9 died (elderly), 2 of 9 were hospitalized (elderly), and 3 of 9 had serious consequences.
"A significant difference between the Omicron Covid surge and the Delta wave is that the former has mostly upper respiratory tract symptoms with fever duration much shorter, sometimes as short as 72 hours. Delta was associated with high-grade fever stretching over a long time." - Dr Joshi, COVID 19 Task Force.
I am grateful my fever vanished in 36hrs! More importantly, that I can taste chocolate.
COVID isn't TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt but it's more than JustAFlu.