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bttrfly, Core, job, Traveler
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Original Post (Thread Starter)
#2931555 03/20/2022 2:37 AM
by Ginger1
Ginger1
Previous Thread:

Clearly a glutton for punishment


We thread. Absolutely I can only take responsibility for my side of the street . I can’t be perercwct, neither can the person I am dating. We all have our flaws and have to own our own, not each others

I really don’t want to be so hard on myself anymore. I just don’t want to hurt anyone. And my past partners could have worked with me, as o was always willing to work with them. But that was never an option. I can’t make everything w prom perfectly for everyone

Validation. I like it but even when I get it, I feeel so awkward. My friend at work said to me, even when I go out with that guy, he’s going to like me, because I’m pretty, funny, and kind . It was so awkward to hear that that. And she is pretty funny, kind, and fortunately since she has never had to venture into the online dating world. But she thinks highly of me, but I feel so uncomfortable thinking highly of myself. I don’t know how to handle positive feedback.

Yea, that is kind of An awakening. I have me issues from childhood, but k will
Likely always have them .i am ahead of the game because I recognize them. My mom never had interest in my world, and the only way I could be in hers was sure her interests. So we bonded over watching all my children or reading together on her bed ( our own books) while eating pumpkin seeds. I could only bond with with her while doing what she loved. She loved playing bingo so I would beg to go there and sit there while she played. I waitresses there for $4 in tips per night, just to feel close . d14 was upset her dad turned down free to gets to a hickey game ( the one his wife took her to) and couldn’t understand why he just wouldn’t want to go since she was interested:l. It saddened me. My ex knew how I felt about hockey and refused to go to a game
With me or put it in the TV, and he doesn’t hate it:

I’m so done with my childhood stuff carrying over. It’s there, it’s not going anywhere. I’ll never be a perfect partner. Not will my partner ever be perfect.

It’s just lonely. But I know this is where I am supposed to be for some reason.
Lots of self discovery lately. But I don’t want to be so hard on myself anymore. I want to stop and breathe and appreciate myself in the moment. I’m perfect imperfect. I’m stubborn sometimes .I’m hard to convince at times . But I will
Love the sh!t out of my match who loves the sh!t out of me.

Whenever it’s supposed to happen.

And T- I am away with being a 5! There are guys where I was 10 in there eyes for a period of time .but yeah, looks wise I am average . And I don’t expect anything “above average” I am pretty .bit not “wow”. But to the right guy, I am a 10/AP for sure.

3.5 years. A whole different dating pool !
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#2931569 Mar 20th a 07:36 PM
by kml
kml
Quote
Someone sent me something from YouTube today that spoke of the “dark triad” which had me a little lost. But I got the gist. The overly nice complimentary people pleasing men are trying to get what they want . Then you have the guys who aren’t afraid to say no, can be meaningful with their compliments which Carries more weight usually. It shows strength.

I’m not sure what you watched on the dark triad, but I think you might be taking the wrong lesson from it.

Yes, guys who are overly flattering could be on the dark triad - but I don’t think your last date was that. Just a lonely needy guy.

What you need to be aware of is your tendency to gravitate towards those emotionally unavailable guys. Just because this guy wasn’t right for you doesn’t mean that you’re not deserving of an enthusiastic partner.
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#2931761 Mar 23rd a 10:06 PM
by DonH
DonH
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by kml
As for the teeth - this likely has nothing to do with your teeth, but the long Covid… may be the culprit.

I never had Covid.

Ba ha ha ha. Can’t even make this stuff up anymore. SMH. Although you were vaccinated right? I’ll bet it’s the vaccine that loosened one single tooth and left all the rest alone. That’s got to be it! (Yes of course this is sarcasm.) Honestly it’s probably Trumps fault. smile

I had an awesome educactor in paramedic school that often said, don’t go looking for zebras in the horse field. I will tell you, however that I too have been struggling with dental issues, including my bite, some grinding, stress and now one lose tooth is loose and shows bone degeneration on X-ray. I’d agree that stress, clenching and grinding are the most likely culprits. My stress level has been markedly increased for 2 years now. Hmmmmm wonder what kicked up my stress levels starting two years ago - to the month.

Thankfully they can fix that in multiple different ways that no one will ever know. But no, it’s often not cheep and often not covered by insurance.
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#2932023 Mar 29th a 07:21 PM
by Ginger1
Ginger1
Re: buying vs. renting. I’m not looking to buy right away because I am not sure if I will like the new area, and I want freedom to say “nope, this isn’t for me” and move on to the next, until I find my happy place. I am planning on staying within driving distance of D’s college , and I’m hoping we agree on a college/area.

This guys anxiety is general anxiety and not relationship based. Like he had the chance to take a really great trip, but backed out last minute because his anxiety got the best of him .

Am I enjoying his texts? A little. Everything is pretty superficial right now and kind and friendly. We did get a little deeper last night. Not the same connection/flow with the other guy who disappeared .
But maybe when we meet in person it will be better.
I’m not ruling him out. And I guess I get anxiety about hurting someone’s son that I know if the feelings aren’t the same. My anxiety generally lies around hurting others . It’s weird.

For now, I have my wedding this weekend. Looking forward to a weekend away
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#2932353 Apr 6th a 06:59 PM
by DonH
DonH
Originally Posted by Ginger1
My mother was clean for nearly 10 years. One big life event through her over the edge. And that was cocaine, not heroin. I’m willing to hear him out.

This example is probably the highest risk - for anyone. Addition can often be managed when things are going well but when a huge life event hits, it can really screw things up. I have a friend who did great in recovery from alcohol and also cocaine. He had I think 14 years. Then his fiancé broke up with him blind side bomb drop style (would have been his 4th wife) and that sent him right back to drinking. His rationale? Well coke was his real issue so drinking is not the same thing. Um, okay.

OUD (opioid use disorder) can be really, really hard to treat. Five years is a great milestone but no guarantee - especially if under the age of 30. (I realize this guy is older) I had to count my years, I think it's 12.5 but that was not heroin or IV opioids but I have to be vigilant for the rest of my life whether oxy or H. Thing is, my addiction is probably on the lower end of concerns with dating me honestly it is.

I don't know this guy from Adam but from what you are saying, it almost seems like you guys are not a match if his heroin history was not even an issue. If you are different people and you don't think physical attraction is not there, it won't matter what his history is. I know you want to cut people slack and are trying to be realistic - and that's good. But just don't lower the bar too far. Living at home for 5 years as an adult is a bigger red flag to me than previous H addiction is. Then not a lot of ambition - something many daily pot users have in common, it just is, plus sounds very unmotivated, (again daily weed) has this social or whatever type of anxiety. OMG, he can't fit any list of traits you've got to be looking for. I mean, "If only I could find someone who smokes pot daily, lives with his mom, doesn't have much of a career, has social anxiety and is a recovering addict, I'd find my dream man" SAYS NO ONE! Or at least I sure hope so.

And I again agree with KML and Butterfly - you're being honest. It really is okay to say no. It's a balance of keeping options open and an open mind but also keeping your standards high. Why does this guy sound like a different version of M? I just get that vibe.

You deserve a good guy Ginger if not a great guy. A guy who has his sht together. A guy who is driven, motivated, hard working, smart, accomplished, in addition to kind, funny, fun and into you. Something tells me mama's boy is not him. Wish he was. I think he may be single for a reason. smile
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